BS: Monkeys

Subject: BS: Monkeys
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 06:39 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 06:41 PM

hello, if humans was desended from monkeys,then why are monkeys still monkeys then?

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Amergin
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 06:41 PM

neat post....very interesting.... ;)

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 06:49 PM

ps, i tried that ASkS Jeeves site, but it didnt give me a good answer,i heard that ask jeeves is not people, it s just a computer , so probably thats why.john

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:04 PM

I dislike monkeys intensely. Have never understood how people find them so amusing. Worms and roaches get the same lukewarm response from me. Am I alone?

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Amergin
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:09 PM

well i heard monkeys are good eatin...they taste like chicken....

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: harvey andrews
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:12 PM

Well John, if the M62 branches off the M6 why isn't it still the M6?

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Ely
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:23 PM

They aren't descended from monkeys; monkeys and humans had a common ancestor. Cattle and bison are descended from a common ancestor, too, but they aren't the same thing--so what's the problem?

At one time, there were probably different kinds of humans (or at least proto-humans) coexisting. Wrap your brain around that one.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:27 PM

" At one time, there were probably different kinds of humans (or at least proto-humans) coexisting"

Yes, and they were delicious. Tasted just like chicken.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:28 PM

John, I think that is the stupidest question anyone's asked on this forum in at least a year. Thanks for the good laugh! :-)

I wonder if monkeys sit around worrying about this kind of thing too?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Jeri
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:30 PM

I met an orangutang once and I found him interesting, although it was quite unnerving to be stared at by something I was staring at - especially when I also believed it was trying to predict what I was going to do. I like monkeys and apes, but I feel a bit intimidated because I'm not sure how to act, and I just KNOW I'm being judged in some way. They're curious. Most animals only stare at you when they want part of your lunch.

John, some genes in a monkey changed enough for a pair to have babies that were slightly different. Later, a couple of those babies had babies that were slightly more different, and on down the millenia more changes kept getting added in until there were people who looked sort of like we do. While this was going on with the 'odd' branch of the family tree, other monkeys that were normal monkeys kept having normal monkey babies.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Burke
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:35 PM

This is all wrong.

We are decended from refugees from a planet that orbited a sun that was going supernova. The ship that landed here was full of shopkeepers, minor bureaucrats & middle managers.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Mark Clark
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:39 PM

“There may be monkey in some of you guys but there ain't no monkey in me.” from There Ain't No Bugs On Me.

      - Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:39 PM

thanks jeri, but how did the genes change to start with inthe first ones?
PS i have neber met a real monkey,but i have seen plenty og them on telly.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Jeri
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:40 PM

Well, it's only a stupid question if you know the answer! If horses are decended from an eohippus, where's the eohippus? If birds and reptiles are decended from dinosaurs, where are the dinosaurs? (I know - their brains were small and they died.) They probably all tasted like chicken, but in that case, why are there chickens left?

The tough question isn't why there are still monkeys, but why there are still humans!

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:42 PM

waht do they eat anyway?, surly not just bananas?

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Jeri
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:50 PM

Genes go wonky all the time. Humans have got loads of genetic mutations we call birth defects. Some people are born with 6 fingers on each hand, 6 toes on each foot. Some have webbed feet and hands. Look at all the different breeds of domestic animals such as dogs, cats, horses. Each breed began because of genes that had changed. Nature does this sort of thing all the time, but if the 'different' offspring are different in a way which makes them more likely to survive, they will, and they'll continue to reproduce.

If the changes make them much more suited to their environment AND they're in competition with the originals, they could very well replace them. If the competition for food, territory, whatever, isn't that intense, both the originals and their different offspring can survive.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:55 PM

thanks Jeri but if people are more clever than monkeys and survive better, can build houses and cars etc, and make wepons for catch food when why sidnt all of them monkeys die out thenwhen the people got all there food etc?

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: GUEST,ozmacca
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:56 PM

Ambrose Bierce has the answer...

MAN (noun)
An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is, as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is exterminating other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth, and Canada.

MONKEY (noun)
An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 07:59 PM

I Think I know, this what happnened [maybe anywae], the people was in the jungle, no, the monkeys was in the jungle , and some of them turned into humans, then left the wild areas, and builttowns and cities, so when they left, there was plenty of food left for the monkeys what was still there.john

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Jeri
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 08:01 PM

John, the people built SUVs and drove to McDonalds and the monkeys got all the bananas and tasty ants to themselves.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 08:07 PM

so dont build to manty towns, becouse the monkeys wont have anywere to live.ps is there any wild monkeys in america? i dontmeen in zoos etc, i mean proper wild monkeys.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 08:10 PM

ps, i just rememberd , thee is some wild monkeys in gibralter, and they can bite you, my frend called pete told me, he was a drug dealer, and they put him in jail.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Sorcha
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 09:34 PM

Maybe we shared a common ancestor. The entire theory of evolution is being re-thought. Don't know into what, but I have seent that statement in Yellow Peril (Nat'l Geographic) and Discovery Magizine.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jun 03 - 10:17 PM

The fact is, John, it is merely a theory that all human beings (rather than just the ones who hang out at Durty Nellie's) are descendants of apelike ancestors. Got that? A theory. There are some bits of evidence which appear to support the theory, but they are not conclusive, except to those who have already made up their minds about the matter.

Note: apelike ancestors, NOT monkeys. Monkeys have tails. Apes don't. Apes include gorillas, chimpanzees, and orangutans...and possibly the yeti or Bigfoot (although there's no conclusive official proof about those fellows at this point).

Monkeys include a vast variety of creatures, large and small, all of whom have tails. We are by no means descended from monkeys. I frankly doubt that we are descended from apes either, but we may be. And...we and the apes may indeed be descended from a common ancestor. That's another theory.

I predict that in time new and quite different theories will become popular which will displace the "descended from apes" ones which are popular now...but we will probably be in some future incarnation at that point, and will take little notice of it. :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 02:46 AM

John,

There are no naturally occuring monkeys in North America. They live in South and Central America. There are a few places where captive monkeys have escaped or been released into the wild and reproduced, forming small colonies.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Gurney
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 03:10 AM

So, wouldn't ALL mammals be descended from a common ancestor? That seems to me to be more likely than a spontaneous outbreak of mammality (mammalism?)given that the (presumably) reptile genetics of that were a bit wobbly anyway, and always supposing Darwin was on the right track.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: GUEST,johnfromhull
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 08:56 AM

do monkeys really eat ants or is jeri making it up?

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 09:00 AM

They also eat termites...

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 09:02 AM

ididnt know that.john

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 09:03 AM

So does homo sapiens.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Snuffy
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 09:05 AM

As the creationist gorilla in the zoo said "Am I my keeper's brother?"

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: mooman
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 09:26 AM

John's question got me thinking to back when I was studying zoology and we had a specialist monkey behaviour lecture from a researcher (very young and pretty....and by the end of the evening highly embarassed...) at London Zoo (sorry....the Royal Zoological Society!).

Needless to say....that night almost all of the monkeys were shagging or playing with themselves apart from one or two who were assiduously shoving things up their backsides.

Which all in all has led me to believe that, in fact, there has been very little evolution at all...

Ooooh, ooooh ooooh!

moo

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Gareth
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 04:52 PM

Monkeys ?
Click 'Ere
and

Click 'Ere

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 08:05 PM

Well, if a monkey can be elected Mayor of Hartlepool, I feel a whole lot better about trying to get my pet Vietnamese pot-bellied pig "Slim" elected King of Mississippi over on the "Mother of All BS Threads". As we were unsuccessful in that attempt, we may decide to run him for President in 2004. A pig would be at least as good as the horse's ass that's doin' the job now.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Sorcha
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 10:55 PM

jOhn, you do ask the darndest things..........

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: artbrooks
Date: 06 Jun 03 - 11:52 PM

Amergen, they taste rather more like very gamey rubber bands.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Sorcha
Date: 07 Jun 03 - 01:57 AM

Oh, sort of like pheasant then? LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Jun 03 - 02:49 AM

Chimps eat other monkeys too.... not just bananananas

(I know how to spell it, I just don't know when to stop)

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Gurney
Date: 07 Jun 03 - 03:20 AM

There are no naturally occurring monkeys in Hartlepool either, but one did hang around there for a while.....
Sorry, Geordie, couldn't resist it.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: TIA
Date: 07 Jun 03 - 10:36 PM

"...it is merely a theory that all human beings (rather than just the ones who hang out at Durty Nellie's) are descendants of apelike ancestors. Got that? A theory..."

Please be careful not to confuse the scientific definition of theory with the colloquial definition of theory.

In science, a theory is an explanation of the workings behind an established fact.

In colloquy, a theory can be just a fanciful notion.

For example, no one disputes the fact of gravity (if you do, try dropping your keyboard and see what happens). But, there is no good theory of gravity. In fact, a theory of gravity consistent with both relativity and quantum mechanics is the holy grail of physics. So, the theory is poor, but the fact of gravity is quite demosntrable.

Likewise, the fact of evolution is indisputable. The theory of evolution is incomplete and undergoing constant revision, but the fact is secure - just ask a Chihuahua and a Saint Bernard.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: rangeroger
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 01:21 AM

So, the Earth sucks?

rr

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Kaleea
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 03:05 AM

Gosh! Why is monkeys still monkeys? Quite a simple explanation. You see, monkeys, gorillas, orangatans, & other monkeys & apes observed the humans over the past few thousand years. They noticed that humans are greedy, have ridiculous & harmful behaviors, are easily angered & tend to wage war on all other life forms unlike them, as well as life forms which are like them--i.e.,other humans.    Then the monkeys & apes observed that the humans began to invent things, use raw materials to make things out of, some of the things were even invented for the sole purpose of harming other life forms, and thus "progress" came about. The monkeys & apes observed that the "progress" made the life of the humans more difficult & complicated. Then the "progress" began to destroy the world which the humans shared with all the other life forms. The humans did not choose to alter their "progress" to stop harming the world. The monkeys & apes decided that humans, with their puny human minds, were inferior, and so they decided not to mix it up with humans, to keep to themselves in the monkey & ape world as much as possible, and to keep the monkeys & apes free of the inferior human genes. And that's why monkeys is still monkeys!

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Gurney
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 05:23 AM

TIA, the word 'indisputable' means 'beyond doubt, unquestionable, certain, beyond dispute,' depending which dictionary you have.
LOTS of people (not me) dispute Evolution, for religeous and other reasons. 'Generally accepted' might be better.
I will argue, though, on your choice of canine extremes as an example of Evolution. They are the result of the selective breeding of 'sports'
by human agency rather than natural selection, and in the wild wouldn't see the end of the week.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: JudeL
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 05:52 AM

No No No Burke, humans are the decendants of the "B" ark which was packed full of telephone sanitisers, hairdressers, advertising accounts executives, middle management types etc.........who were eveacuated from the planet Golgafrincham which was about to be eaten by a mutant star goat

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 07:52 AM

They were just a load of useless bastards..... I think their direct decendants are still around.... I know at least 6 in my office alone. Two of them nearly bred last year.... GAAHHHH!!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 08:28 AM

Obviously, evolution still has a ways to go in Hull..............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Jeri
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 09:20 AM

John, I once saw a show on TV which demonstrated humans weren't the only animal to use tools. The monkey would select a twig and strip it of leafy things, then stick it into an old rotting tree-stump and pull it out covered with...well, they might have been termites. Either ants or termites. Bugs. The monkey would then eat the bugs of the stick.

Perhaps one of the first things early humans did when they discovered fire was spear a cockroach and roast it. Now, we have marshmallows and sausages.

While many human cultures eat bugs, I never quite developed a taste for them despite having eaten a lot of them by accident. They're probably a lot healthier than mad cows or salmonella tainted chickens. I believe they're low in cholesterol too.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Allan C.
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 11:12 AM

I can't say for sure, but I believe that Neil Diamond wrote the vast majority of their songs, despite what the credits may indicate.

Subject: RE: BS: Monkeys
From: Doug_Remley
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 12:23 PM

Jeri,

Did you say sausages are descended from cockroaches?! EEEuhck! I understand chickens ate the last Bigfoot because he or she tasted just like monkey-meat.