Dr. Guitar's surgery

Subject: BS: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 07:16 PM

Dear Patients,

Knowing that some of your need my advice urgently and have slow connections and cannot wait for long threads to load, let us continue here!

Previous thread here

Yours faithfully,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: BS: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Jun 03 - 01:12 AM

Dr. Guitar, you cause me to wonder regarding your age. It is true that doctors once routinely made house calls, some even performed minor surgery in the home. Times have changed and one must stay alert and pay attention. Are you with me so far?

The Mudcat has also changed. Today the length of a thread is no longer of consequence. If one has a slow computer, one need but click on the tiny 'd' alongside the number given of posts on a particular thread and it will offer its contents in increments of 50 posts. So there is no long wait for anyone.

Try to get more rest. (I can't tell you how it lifts my spirits to give you advice and information.)

Alona Lott

Subject: RE: BS: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: GUEST,U. Sless
Date: 09 Jun 03 - 06:15 AM

Dr Guitar, i humbly seek your sage counsel regarding the replacement of the "nut" on my Martin DB7 GPZ750.

Which variety of "nut" do you favour? so far i have tried peanut, hazlenut and macadamia, i found that the "salted" variety give a more
"tasty" kind of sound - buy leave an oily residue on the fretboard.
I am at present experimenting with "coconut" but am experiencing major problems in being able to finger chords, not to mention i have immense problems trying to close the guitar case!
Your thoughts please.

Ulysses.

Subject: RE: BS: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jun 03 - 01:33 PM

Dear Ulysses,

I am going to let Dr. Guitar advise you regarding your nut problem. I am posting here because I have a question about the guitar you have. I find no "Martin DB7 GPZ750" in C.F. Martin's catalogue. I do find that Aston Martin does,or has in the past, produced a model DB7 automobile. I also find that Kawasaki has produced a model GPZ750 motorcycle. Perhaps your problem is not with the nut at all, but that you are attempting to play "Redhaired Boy" on either your car or your scoot.

Subject: RE: BS: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: GUEST,Rowed Hogg
Date: 09 Jun 03 - 02:06 PM

If you are moving onto cars, I bought one some time ago where the horn blows a very tasteful version of "La Cucaracha". However, I am growing a little tired of it and would like to retune it to play "Carolan's Concerto". Is this difficult?

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 10 Jun 03 - 08:23 AM

My dearest Ebbie Alona Lott,

How right you are. One of the penalties one pays for having accumulated such wisdom is that frequently one cannot keep up with ever-changing technical progress. Also I am unfortunately not so sprightly these days unlike your goodself.

So please, dear Ebbie, accept my sincere thanks for your advice. I do still pay house calls and do minor surgery, however, should you be interested.

I am very glad that your spirits have been raised by this act of compassion to an old doctor!

With my sincerest regards,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 10 Jun 03 - 08:34 AM

Dear Bee-dubya-ell,

I will, of course, allow you or the reudite Mr. Catspaw to advise on all things automotive in character since, unfortunately, that is not my "metier".

Dear U. Sless,

I have had little luck with monkey nuts and neither do the monkeys like their nuts so used. I personally favour the Brazil nut (Bertholletia excelsa. Not only is this nut easy to file to the right fitting but it also has lubricious qualities that will prevent string squeak. Perhaps even more importantly, and I know I will have the support of dearest CarolC on this,it is purportedly

The nut that could save the amazon rainforest

which must surely be a very good thing in itself!

Yours truly,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 10 Jun 03 - 08:47 AM

Dear Guest Rowed Hogg,

Unlike "La Cucuracha", Carolan's Concero is a somewhat complex piece being influenced as it is by the works of Corelli and Geminiani and is therefore difficult for the rudimentary technology of the typical automobile horn (or "hooter" as they are called in England) to reproduce.

Part of the solution may lie in its proper name "Mrs. Power". I would suggest therefore mounting a powerful hooter on the hood (bonnet) of your car and activating it with a quick squeeze at the appropriate junctures (or junctions). This should reproduce the entire Concerto.

It is always important neither to be blind nor harpist whilst driving, but I suspect you know this already!

With my best wishes,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: John Hardly
Date: 10 Jun 03 - 09:32 AM

Wow Doc,

I'm impressed! Looks to me as though you got the guts of a fine Weisborn or Bear Creek.

...is there any treatment for a hollow neck? Do you suffer terribly?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Jun 03 - 10:57 AM

oooooooohhhhhhh Doctor Guitar! I think I am in love- your eye is mesmerizing.

Now back to the surgery...

EAL

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jun 03 - 12:47 PM

I'm glad to see we're getting some serious threads on Mudcat that have something to do with music. Good work, people. Now, I agree that nothing less than a good Brazil nut will do for a really fine quality guitar, such as an old Martin or a high end Collings. There is nothing else quite like the tone you get by stretching a steel string tautly across a Brazil nut. In the old days the blues players used to call them "niggertoes", by the way, but it's not politically correct to do that now, so for God's sake don't do it! (unless you are making a historical reference to "the old days", like I just did...)

Certain influential voices in the music community have been lobbying recently for the use of cashews, claiming that it imparts a fresh new sound, suitable to the changing times.

Don't believe them. I tried it, and it sounds like crap. The cashews are simply not hard enough.

- LH

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: GUEST,R. Neck
Date: 11 Jun 03 - 05:09 AM

Howdy Doc,

My sister who i done marryd last week done gone an' buyed one of those danged geetar thangs. she keeps on referin' to it as - "she".
Now i'm not the most clever guy in these here parts but ive looked the darn thang over and over an still i cant fahnd any - aw shucks,
well- titties how dya tell the sex of them rootin tootin thangs.

Be sure to drop bah surm tahm fer some possum pah.

Red

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 11 Jun 03 - 11:18 AM

Dear Red,

Yes...I know that this can be a problem now that most of the guitar makers are making these so-called "flattops". It seems to be rather the rage these days to have this "skinny" profile I'm afraid.

I think I can offer you two solutions.

The first would be to actually cause your guitar to grow some mammary appendages by a special process that I call "selective and targeted humidification" or "smart humidification". By so targeting the delivery of moisture, e.g. by a steam-generating apparatus and carefully aimed narrow-bore rubber tubing, you may cause your guitar to swell in those parts that you personally select as appropriate.

If, however you wish to have "the real thing", ingenious luthiers have already begun to cater for such special requests.

Take a look at this very fine instrument where such a luthier has already preinstalled the necessary templates.

Taking this guitar as a basis it is then a fairly simple procedure that any competent repairman should be able to do (maybe even yourself if you are handy) to install, from the inside, this special mammary accessory for guitars. This should then give you a finest quality instrument of the exact type you require.

Hoping that this has been of service!

I would be most pleased to partake of some possum pie when next passing. Thank you so much for your kind offer!

Yours truly,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Jun 03 - 12:07 PM

Nice sound on the radial steel string on the link. Has anyone here ever seen/played one? Odd looking instrument, though.

Now back to the surgery...

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: C-flat
Date: 11 Jun 03 - 02:30 PM

Dear Dr.Guitar,
Once again I am in need of your expertise in my quest for guitar-playing greatness.
I am presently studying the "TAB" system of musical abbreviations and symbols and find myself in a bit of a pickle!
I have a comprehensive guide to the many symbols contained in the "TAB" system but am regularly confused by the explanations therein. For example;

H.= Hammer on. No guidelines as to which part of the instrument hammer on or with what grade of hammer?

BD.=Bend downwards. I find this a most uncomfortable position to play in and would like some advice with regard to wether I should be bending from the knee or back.

LD.=Let down. Pretty much how I feel after purchasing my TAB guide!

PO.=Pull off. Is this some sort of post-gig activity?

X.=Dampened string. Surely not a safe combination with electricity?

I hope that, as in the past, you can shed some much needed light on my dilemma and restore my faith in the guitar playing community.

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Jun 03 - 03:03 PM

C-Flat, may I join your band? I simply resonate to your questions. Besides, I think I should probably just give up on my band- they have almost entirely given up letting me know when and where they practice. So that I'm aptly named

Alona Lott

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: mooman
Date: 11 Jun 03 - 06:44 PM

Dear Ebbie,

Yes...I've played a Lucas radial (I used to play in a band with his brother who has one) and they are very good-sounding indeed. I actually rather like the design.

Peace

moo

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jun 03 - 07:05 PM

Pulling off actually helps the inexperienced guitar player to relax, thus achieving a better tone and control on the instrument. Beginners are usually more inclined to practice in private until they feel more confident, but public recitals soon become second nature, and can lead to a lucrative career on local stages.

- LH

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 12 Jun 03 - 12:29 PM

The thing that most impressed me aaboutthe radial guitar (see link to "this very fine instrument", above) is that it's right-hand strung at the nut, but left-hand strung at the bridge! It must be perfect for those people who play RH guitars left-handed, or maybe to stop anyoe askingto borrow your guitar a second time ...

Steve

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dead Horse
Date: 12 Jun 03 - 05:52 PM

Dear Dr Guitar,
What lubrication do you recommend for slide guitar?
I have tried spraying WD40 (after suitably protecting the varnished body with pages torn from Sing Out Mag)
but the scraping sound is back again after only a few chords.
Somebody mentioned rosin, but surely that is only for hairy fiddlers?

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 10:40 AM

Dear Friends!

HOT NEWS!

It has been drawn to my attention that my good friend from postgraduate school, Dr. Neaubahnjeaux, has set up a special help site for the banjo afflicted.

My name is Ron. I'm a banjo player.

The good doctor is a real specialist in that field and his knowledge of the vellumed creature far outweighs my humble offerings.

I hope that this will provide an additional and much-awaited service to my needy and faithful clients!

More advice and views on Dr. Neaubahnjeaux's service over here.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 03:42 AM

Dear Dead Horse,

You are right! Rosin is, indeed, a regulated substance only prescribed for hairy fiddlers!

The best solution I have found for slide guitar is to pack the guitar carefully in its case, with a suitable humidifying device because of the generally lower relative humidity in such situations (I would not like to see my patients' pride and joys suffering from cracking or warping). One should then take yourself and your guitar to a suitable mountain resort such as Whistler or Lake Louise, hire a large snowboard and proceed by cable car to the highest piste.

You may then take the guitar from its case and use the latter as a suitable container in which to sit. After launching yourself onto the piste, you will have many minute in which to most enjoyably play your guitar and enjoy the scenery as you slide along. This, I have found, is the best method for fast slide guitar.

Glad to be of assistance and to have saved you the cost of procuring the said WD-40.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: The Barden of England
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 05:09 AM

Dear Dr. Guitar

I've been toying with the idea of making a Steel Guitar for a while now, and finally took the plungs last week and bought the girders for the neck and sides, along with the professional Arc Welding gear. What would you suggest for the Front and Back to get the proper resonance, and what guage strings would you recommend?

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: GUEST,N. T. Molly-Gist
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 05:50 AM

A friend recently pointed out that the words 'Guitar' and 'catarrh' sound almost the same, expecially when pronounced in the European fashion (Ghu-tar rather than Gee-tar). The Spanish fondness for both throat-clearing phonemes and guitars adds weight to the idea there may be link between these words. Can you shed any light on this topic?

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Ebbie
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 04:55 PM

M.T. Molly-Gist, one caution: I have noticed in communties where this pronunciation occurs, they have found it advisable to post signs to the effect of the prohibtion of expectoration. I'm sure Dr. Guitar is aware of this phenomenon and will concur.

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: rangeroger
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 09:12 PM

Dr.Guitar, a comment on your response to Dead Horse. If he misses the fall line he will be off-piste which is a much better state than pissed-off.

rr

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 08 Jul 03 - 11:32 AM

Dear Dr Guitar,
My little brother plays guitar, and likes to record himself on his multi-track recorder (he's a bit of a techno-freak). He's asked me to poass on this question to you. He finds it very tedious having to play all the parts one after another, and wonders if he conects his guitar jack to the USB2 port on his PC, will this speed up the process? How if he records straight to CD? His CD writer runs at 48x, which would make a 3-minute track just under 4 seconds. I think it would sound better that way, too.

Yours truly,
Big Brother (not the one on the telly)

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 08 Jul 03 - 04:33 PM

From Dr. Guitar's answering service:

Sorry but Dr. Guitar is on holiday at present and is unable to deal with your query immediately. He will answer all of your queries upon his return.

Please leave your query after this tone...........................................Eb

(for Dr. Guitar)

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: GUEST,Lucius D. Binch-Noir IV
Date: 08 Jul 03 - 09:53 PM

My Dear Doctor Guitar,

After playing E♭ French Horn for many years with various symphonic orchestras, I tired of the same Bach-Beethoven-Brahms routine, decided to toss over the traces and start a new career in the Mississippi Delta as a bluesman.

Leaving Vienna with my life savings – enough to make me quite comfortable in my declining years – I settled in a small town I shall disguise by calling “Victor Delta.” There I met a most wonderful blues singer and guitar player called “Long Snake,” who offered to teach me everything he knew.

First, though, he informed me that I would need an instrument and that my beloved French Horn simply wasn’t suitable for the blues. He offered to sell me a guitar of his own manufacture, one he called a “Long Snake Slider,” complete with the necessary capos, slide capos, lever capos, thumbscrew capos, and poptop capos. This guitar was described by him as a “radial” and was, again according to Long Snake, probably the finest guitar crafted in the last seventy years. Truly, he said, it was one of a kind.

Naturally, I jumped onto his offer, my sole question being the tuning; I was informed that it used BADGAG. After my first lesson, however, two strings broke and I couldn’t find Long Snake anywhere to obtain replacements. Indeed, when I asked for him at his
office (he kept his office in a “jook joint” to be near the “real people”) one of his compatriots suggested that if I didn’t want to be used as catfish bait I’d cease asking
about Long Snake.

Hence, my questions to you. First, the guitar is a radial – does it matter if I get the steel wire from an 175SR14, or should I use another size? Secondly, why would a handcrafted guitar have a label reading “Made In Pakystann” inside its belly? Lastly, I trusted Long Snake with the control of my savings, since he said that that was the best way to have reason to sing the blues – would you have any idea of where he might be? I want to show him my new straight razor.

Sincerely yours,

Lucius D. Binch-Noir IV

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 10:07 AM

Dear Patients!

I have now returned to the fold after my brief sojourn in warmer climes to ease my old bones! I now feel much refreshed and ready to attend once again to your pleas for assistance.

Let me begin with our dear friend Mr Barden...

Indeed, Mr Barden, you have done well buying the girders for the neck and sides. However, I would personally recommend that you reserve the side girders for the internal bracing of the guitar. You do not say whether it is a resonator guitar you are constructing but I shall assume it is. Therefore, for the resonator you will need a suitable tuned and shaped disk and, for this, I recommend purchasing the largest Chinese gong that you can find (perhaps something like Mr Rank's old gong as used in the old picture house cinematographs). For the front, back and sides I would recommend high alloy austenitic grade stainless plate of perhaps 10mm thickness to ASTM standard S32654. You have wisely already procured the necessary arc welding equipment. String gauges are, of course, a matter of personal preference, and there have been many threads here at the 'Cat on this subject. To start with, you may wish to try steel rope of gauges 5mm (high E) to 20mm (low E). THis may be available from you local ships' chandler. Conventional machine tuners such as Schallers and Grovers may not be up to the job but I have found with this type of instrument that reconditioned ratchet gears from rescue vehicles may provide good service.

This will be a heavy guitar to play standing up unless you are Big Mick and I suggest you play it in the seated lap style. A piece of mild steel bar of approximately 30mm diameter should serve as a good slide and I would recommend a steel plectrum of about 5mm gauge.

Good luck in your venture and remember to furnish us with photographs of the finished product. I am quite convinced it will be marvellous and will cut through an average session admirably!

Yours most sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 10:22 AM

Dear N.T. Molly-Gist,

An interesting thesis! And I do fully concur with my dear friend Ebbie (who I hope is continuing to not look at those particular sites).

Indeed it may be a matter of expectoration. I have it on good authority that the famous flamenco guitar makers of Andalucia mix their hide glue with an amount of spittle and that this enhances the characteristic "rattling" sound of the flamenco guitar.

I am quite sure that the numerous etymologists here at the Mudcat Cafe will be delighted to advise further on this catarrh/guitar phonemenon.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Catarrh

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 10:29 AM

Mr Parkes!!!

Being a simple old doctor and not a "techno" person, I feel it best to carry out an experiment according to the parameters you describe on my own computing device and get back to you shortly with an opinion! I am not sure that my device has a "USB2 port" but I do have some rather fine Dow's Vintage Port and will try using this instead.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 10:37 AM

Dear Mr Lucius D. Binch-Noir IV,

Your query has many complex and interrelated aspects such as capos, sliders, steel radials, Pakystann, jook joints, horns and catfish.

Because I like to give a considered and useful opinion, I shall consider your question very carefully tonight while I try my Dow's Vintage Port on my computing apparatus. I hope to be back to you very shortly with an answer.

In the meantime do be very careful with your straight razor. Especially if newly stropped, this is capable of causing a nasty nick.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 06 Nov 03 - 01:07 PM

Guest,bob wrote over on the old thread:

Can you give me some advice on learning to play a musical instroment. i need at least 6 bullets, i'm doing a school project. I need to find it off the internet and not from my own experience. so please

Well, Dear Bob, it's so good to be called "into action" action after so long. Indeed, I have never been away but the Good People of The Mudcat Cafe do not seem to have been suffering so much of late (apart from my dear friend Ebbie who must continue not to look at those websites.

My first recommendation would be to give those bullets, should you ever recieve them, to a responsible and properly qualified adult as these are not items that should be in the hands of a school student!

As for your query, I shall be serious for once:

- consider whether you wish to play alone, in a small group or an orchestra. Do you wish to accompany singing or are you more into instrumental works? This will help define the type of instrument you should take up as some naturally lend themselves to solo playing whilst others are definitely "ensemble" instruments

- consider the genre of music you are most interested in. Is it folk or blues, in which case the good people of this website are a wonderful source of advice? Or classical? Or pop or rock? Or some other genre? Depending on the answer, there are numerous sites on the internet packed with good advice.

- remember always that an instrument can be hard to play at the beginning. This is a period we have all gone through and you must be prepared to stick with it and practice in order to overcome those initial difficulties. Which you surely will if you are determined to.

- try to find fellow students with similar interests. Music is a tremendously sociable activity and I have found it has led to many and lasting friendships.

- while you can always "teach yourself" (and many successful musicians have) do consider finding a good teacher for your instrument of choice...and one you can develop a good working rapport with.

- here is a nice site about different types of musical instruments and here is another more general one about different aspects of learning music. I hope that you may find these helpful.

Don't hesitate to post back and let us know how you are getting on.

Yours most sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: GUEST,Oily Bard
Date: 06 Nov 03 - 01:12 PM

Dear Doctor Guitar,

While deep within slumberland the other night, I dreamed a dream about a friend and his mate. They live abroad, but in the dream they had the use of a home nearby. They were hosting a little get-together to visit with several friends in the neighborhood. While here, but before the evening's party/festivities, they were out taking a drive and bumped into a moving sale. At that sale they purchased a beautiful guitar for a bargain price and therein lies my problem.

I do love garage sales and I do love a bargain, extraspecially on beautiful guitars. So, my question is: How do I beat my friend and his wife to the next dream come true garage sale? I understand that I suffer from a rare form of G.A.S. If early to bed and early to rise makes a body healthy and wise, but the early birds get worms, could the secret to my success simply be to sleep more but wake later?

OB

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: C-flat
Date: 06 Nov 03 - 05:41 PM

Dear Doc,
I'm considering learning to play air guitar. Can you reccomend a compressor?
Any other guidance would be welcome.
Thanks,
Air-Head.

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 02:45 PM

Dr. Guitar, in one of those sites I have been bypassing it intimates something to the effect that when the cut or crack in the nut is too deep it can break your string. Why is that?

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 08:40 PM

My Dear Mr Air-Head,

Indeed you are embarking upon a most difficult endeavour as the air guitar is one of the most difficult to play, especially the flat notes. The sharp ones can also easily cause loss of tone.

I have searched long and hard and believe that I have found a very suitable compressor for your own air guitar. I believe that you reside in the United Kingdom so this particular compressor may even be within easy travelling distance for you.

A suitable compressor for Mr Air-Head's air guitar

For those patients who would like to follow Mr Air-Heads example, I would like to direct you to

Mr R. "Bud" Philson's very excellent air guitar instruction site

which even provide illustration of the correct playing postures.

Glad to be of service once again!

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 08:57 PM

My dearest Ebbie,

I somehow detect, with a hint of sadness, that you HAVE been looking at those websites that I warned you not to look at.

This means that I will have to give you a serious answer to a serious question. Indeed, the width and profile of the slot in the nut can lead to string pinching and sometimes breakage. I can do no better that to direct you to

Mr Frank Ford's very excellent site indeed all about guitars: special explanatory page for Ebbie's nut problem

If you look down the page you will be able to see illustrations and explanations provided by Mr Ford himself concerning this unfortunate but all-too-common malady.

Dearest Ebbie, I must implore you to be very careful however. If you are not you may encounter the Eb augmented triad arpeggio and we may never see you again on this good Forum!

Yours most sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 09:11 PM

Dear Mr Oily Bard,

I do so admire your enterprising nature and sense of adventure in procuring fine instruments in such a manner!

But I do believe that I would be failing as a doctor if I were not to warn you of the downside of this otherwise rewarding activity (for is it not so that there are unfortunately good and bad sides to most things...?). I will illustrate by drawing your attention to

The most sad case of Herr Klaus Poopcannon, the three guitars and the drum machine of unknown origin

May I take this opportunity to wish you happy, but cautious, bargain-hunting.

Yours most sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: GUEST,Irma N. Goring
Date: 22 Nov 03 - 11:57 AM

I simply have to tell you - I just got a new guitar for my husband!!!!!!!!




An entirely equitable exchange.

Irma.

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: GUEST,Salt Peter
Date: 22 Nov 03 - 01:28 PM

I have been listening to Pachelbel's Canon, which I am told is in the Key of G. I assume that the key of the canon depends upon its diameter and length, like an organ pipe, but am at a loss to understand how he can fire so many with such accurate timing. Is there a lot art here?

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Nov 03 - 10:30 PM

Oh, the guilt, the guilt... Dr. Guitar, are you sure it was all right for me to follow that link? But I must tell you that reading it was almost like having you at my side, guiding me through. Vociferous - not to say, voracious- thanks to you.

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: GUEST,Alona Lott
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 09:13 PM

Ah, Dr. Guitar, I desperately need your advice, although my need is not, strictly speaking, about music. I have told you (and told you) about my band members, how they forget to tell me not only when they are practicing but also where the gig is. Well, I'm beginning to wonder about them. They have assured me that they are accidental lapses but it seems almost too perfect a record.

Then the other day when I had my finger caught in the hole of my guitar one of the band accidentally tripped over us (the guitar and the finger) thereby wrenching my finger until I could hardly smile. But wait- there is more to tell you. Hardly had I got out- 'That's OK' when three other band members fell over me, causing me to fall down again. In the ensuing melee I heard some giggles so they evidently were not badly hurt, which is good news indeed, but I can't say the same for myself- my finger hurts.

The band told me to go on home, they would bring me some aspirin but I'm thinking that perhaps I should get out the aspirin from the medicine cabinet. It's been two days.

Thank you for any help and comfort you can give me. I'm hoping the title of this thread is aptly named.

Sincerely,
Alona Lott

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: GUEST,Nickel Creek
Date: 05 Dec 03 - 01:11 PM

Dear Dr Guitar,
    My friend put a small crack in the bottom(not back) of the guitar near where the strap goes. I have a Samick D-4CE/TBL. What would I do to fix this? And if I must take it into a shop, about how much do you think it would cost.
    Thanks A Bunch

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:35 AM

Dear Patients,

I am so sorry to have been out of the surgery for some days but you must doubtless know how it is when the needy call you.

Dear Irma N. Goring,

It sounds as though you have made a really exxcellent deal! I must warn you, however, that there are unscrupulous "back-alley" guitar dealers that sometimes prey on persons such as your goodself who have ungone traumatic and emotional experience. What these people do is glue parts of different guitars together (or weld them in the case of steel guitars) and then try to pass these "hybrids" off as the genuine article.

In my long practice I have already encountered:

Eko Warriors
Manzer Seagull
Blade Running Dog
Gallaher & Lyle
A Bourgeois Lark in The Morning
A Froggy-Bottomed Taylor

and more recently, a

Martin Gibson

So, while I congratulate you on your exchange, do check to ensure that you have been given the genuine article!

Yours most sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 07:52 AM

My Dear Alona Lott,

It seems so long since we last spoke!

Your digital problem reminds me a little of our dear friend Ebbie (who still I suspect peeks at those sites) and her recent finger thread which I read thoroughly of course being intensely interested in such medical matters.

I have thought about your particular affliction and, indeed, the advice I may offer here may also benefit dear Ebbie.

My first counsel would be that, in order to avoid "finger in the hole" related injuries of this type, one should not in the first place insert one's digit in such holes, however tempting it may seem at the time!

However, we are beyond that stage now and treatment is therefore needed. There are two important aspects to this. Firstly your damaged finger will need time and the correct conditions to heal and, secondly, the surviving finger will require a degree of protection so that the same fate does not befall them from members of your apparently "unsteady" band.

Here is what you should do. With a suitable length of surgical dressing you should bind the healthy fingers to the palm of your hand, leaving the damaged finger straight and exposed. This will allow air to circulate around it which will aid the healing process. In addition, as the digit may have suffered abrasions that could become infected, you should liberally apply an antiseptic to it such as iso-betadine. This will not only fight any infection but will make the digit highly visible with a bright yellowish-brown coloration.

This being done, when members of your band should "accidentally" drop by, you may alert them to the healing process under way by holding aloft your hand and damaged finger to them in a vigourous manner.

I do believe and hope that this should lead to a rapid cure and remain,

Yours most sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 08:22 AM

Dear Salt Peter,

Strictly speaking, I am a doctor that does not specialize in firing organs of this type. However, you are quite right in your assertion that the frequency will be related to the length and diameter of his Canon. Alas your informant has been misinformed as the said Canon is in D rather than G but this is of little consequence and only a minor inconvenience to the rest of the orchestra.

You will probably know that Pachebel designed his Canon to be a tool, not for the teaching of the cycle of fifths and the modulation thereby from any key into any other key (such as G), but rather to be

A regressive aid
in the regressive psychotherapies

You will notice from this page that Dr Stanislav Grof explains this very elegantly. Here is part of what he says:

"On occasion, a skillful use of music can also facilitate the emergence of specific contents, such as aggression, sensual or sexual feelings, emotional or physical pain, ecstatic rapture, cosmic expansion, or an oceanic atmosphere of the womb."

Powerful stuff, I am sure you will agree, but potentially dangerous also should you over-expose yourself to the repetitive bangings of Pachebel's Canon which could perhaps cause over-regression. Presumably this is why Dr Speyrer substituted the rather more gentle and soothing J. S. Bach's Little Fugue in G.

I presume you meant "lost art" and, if this is the case, I am afraid you are probably right. I might hazard a guess though that, if the cycle of fifths theory is correct, we probably have a case of 12 Canons in the 12 keys here.

Hoping that this has been of assistance!

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: GUEST,R.Dolan
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 11:26 PM

Its my first time playing the guitar and i popped a string while tunning. I have extra strings but i dont know how to replace it...plz help

Subject: RE: Dr. Guitar's surgery
From: GUEST,Alona Lott
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 12:39 AM

R. Dolan, if Dr. Guitar is too kind and refined to say it, I'm not: I do hope you were alone when it happened.