BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 03 - 12:29 AM

You are implying, Amos, that there is such a thing as a generic Canadian, and there simply isn't. This is a country of astonishing variety. As for William Shatner, he is hardly typical of Canadians. Matter of fact, he's utterly unique. One of a kind. The one and only. They broke the mould after they made him.

That's why he is so special. Shatner transcends common definitions like gender, race or nationality and becomes something universal, like a force of nature.

This is why people like Spaw actually fear Shatner, and become nervous when others talk about him. They are not used to being confronted by majesty and power on that grand a scale. They would rather just not know.

"Know what I'm sayin'?" (seen the J-Roc in "Trailer Park Boys"?)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 10:37 PM

And Little Hawk can offer free meditation lessons interspersed with coaching sessions in how to act like a Canadian, badly....


A

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 06:15 PM

OUCH! Stroke of genius there, Rapaire.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 09:07 AM

A bunch of 'Catters trying to define "folk music"

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 03 - 10:25 AM

Capiccio, maestro.

LOL, too!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: GUEST,Rocky Balboa
Date: 29 Jun 03 - 10:23 AM

It don't matter of your smart or not, buddy. All that matters is can ya go the distance? I thank God that Reagan finally made it safe to be brainless in America, and I live by that credo every day of my life! I also swallow several eggs, raw, first thing every morning and salute the flag. You oughta try it. Yo! KNow what I'm talkin' about, mister? Capiche?

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 03 - 06:46 PM

Sigh. I recall John Kennedy (not thaat I saw him, but I recall the story) greeting a group of distinguisjhed brains at the White House for dinner, saying, "Gentemen, there haven't been this many brains in this room since Thomas Jefferson dined here alone...".

I liked that style better than the current "Brainlessness is patriotic" approach.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jun 03 - 02:59 PM

Got that right, Amos! It's time to separate the goats from the sheep.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 03 - 02:54 PM

Refusing to mispronounce "nuclear" is unpatriotic.!! These poeple have to learn they are either with him or against him. There is no middle ground.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jun 03 - 01:52 PM

Have a "Bushism" contest. People get prizes for walking like GW, talking like GW, thinking like GW, and looking like GW. Refuse entry to those who cannot (or will not) mispronounce "nuclear".

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Hillheader
Date: 28 Jun 03 - 05:05 AM

We could have

Water polo - with ponies (shallow water guys - I'm not drowning ponies on this site)
or
Head the hammer - an olympic style hammers is thrown and you have to head it back.
or
Catch the Javelin
or
Pole vaulting (or Finn vaulting if there are not enough people from Poland in the area.
or
Fencing - Who puts up the longest fence in 5 minutes
or
100 meters (a person has to read 100 (gas/electric) meters
or
Synchronised drinking
or
A marathon where the winner must do a lap of honour to claim the prize.

Where do I sign....

Daveboy

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: fogie
Date: 28 Jun 03 - 04:43 AM

Damn it! I wanted to say "national cat herding Finals" Ill have to be content with the Smoke juggling, -mind you no-one's said what might be herding the cats-I favour border-giraffes. The kids section should have pulling the tail off the donkey -red cross on standby, and an egg and spoon race- I havent a clue how eggs on spoons are supposed to race, but there you are. Lets not forget the masochist's three legged race- fights break out as to who should lose the leg, bets can be placed on the outcome.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 06:21 PM

Well, I think the Stooges were trying to be stupid, right? And they succeeded brilliantly! Therefore, it would be cool to have them at a stupid festival. Gilligan, on the other hand, is basically beyond redemption... :-) The one would be a bizarre counterpoint to the other, don't you think? Groucho would be great for the "Hide the Cigar" event.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Beccy
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 05:26 PM

Hang on a sec, Little Hawk... Are you disparaging my beloved Three Stooges? Next thing I know, you're going to tell me the Marx Brothers weren't high comedy, either. Yeesh. What's this world coming to???

Beccy

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jun 03 - 11:31 AM

A "Hide the Cigar" contest.

A bearded lady, clean-shaven.

Refuse entry to people who pronounce "nuclear" properly.

Show continous reruns of "The Three Stooges" and "Gilligan's Island" on a mega-screen that can be seen the from the entire fairgrounds, and make sure the sound is cranked UP!!!

Roller coaster that has no hills and valleys, but runs at a very moderate speed in an arrow-straight and level line for five miles and then ends in a tarpit. If you get out, you have to walk back.

Ferris wheel that rotates in a horizontal plane. Merry-go-round that does the reverse of that.

Strong man who can't lift heavy things, but really smells bad.

Cotton candy that's made out of real cotton wool, dyed pink.

Battle of the Bands for Bay City Rollers tribute acts.

Belly-dancing workshop hosted by Ronnie Hawkins.

Bill Shatner singing the American national anthem (or anything at all, really...).

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 03 - 10:48 AM

And the underwater flute concert, too, and the World CLass Bearbaiting Flashers Combined Competition. And the annual Darwin Awards Improvisations in Physics event...


A

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Kim C
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 02:27 PM

Hey hey, watch it there, Rolfboy, I happen to be a NASCAR fan.

Funny cars, though, that's a different story...

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: GUEST,Frug at work
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 07:10 AM

I suppose inthat case you must have the underwater accordion/concertina contest.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 07:03 AM

"The Seven Champions" started a "Marine Morris" competition at Sidmouth FF. The winners where the morris side who managed to dance the furthest out to sea. One side (probably Great Western) did it with weights and aqualungs - all the spectators saw were sticks and wet hankies emerging above the sea !

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: GUEST,Frug at work
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 06:55 AM

Clairvoyance session assuming no unforseen circumstances.
Nude moonbathing area
World freestyle nit picking championship

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 04:56 AM

as fr as an alternative name try "political rally" or "political convention". disadvantage of that is no-one would turn up!!!!Except the politician and thats is too silly.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Leadfingers
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 03:10 AM

My mates suggestion for The Alternative Sidmouth Programme included 'Rapper Sword Workshop'--Brown paper and string provided.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 02:03 AM

An Elvis Stoicko impersonator.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 25 Jun 03 - 02:02 AM

A stupid song competition?

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: LadyJean
Date: 24 Jun 03 - 11:36 PM

Cat herding anyone?

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 03 - 08:36 AM

True, cow-chip-tossing is done in many places, but I've never heard of any festival anywhere tossing FRESH cow chips....

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 03 - 12:26 AM

LOL Nancy darlin!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Mudlark
Date: 23 Jun 03 - 11:54 PM

Obviously, this is no chump-change small town idea, oh no...we're going to need a really big stupid town, like Los Angeles for this...oh wait...they already have disneyland.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Willie-O
Date: 23 Jun 03 - 09:28 PM

Cow pattie throwing contest? It's been done. A lot. They call em "cow chips" though, easier to pronounce. At the Perth Fair in Perth Ontario. The celebrity chip tosser was usually Delmer McGregor, a fictional radio character who got famous being stupid on a stupid radio station. He wrote a song about em too.

"The Meadow Muffin Blues".

Yup, it's a stupid song.

Delmer might fit right in. He could probably use the gig...

Willie-O

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jun 03 - 08:31 PM

Offer a prize to the first one who can make a body part grow 2 inches. The judges will award a bucket of ice water.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Schantieman
Date: 23 Jun 03 - 03:40 PM

I heard about this game some time ago. This could be the place to play it.

Everybody sits in a circle with a bottle of whisky. They all drink the whisky. Then somebody gets up and goes out and the others have to guess who it is.

I'll get my coat.

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: gnu
Date: 23 Jun 03 - 02:39 PM

Bobbing for French Fries in the canteen deep fryer.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Dead Horse
Date: 23 Jun 03 - 02:20 PM

Put one large pea in a jam-jar. Guess how many. (statisticians automatically precluded)
Guess the weight of a 14pound weight.
Yard of Ale Contest. (contestants drink ale, then try to guess who is driving them home).

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Beccy
Date: 23 Jun 03 - 01:43 PM

How about a voting symposium sponsored by the state of Florida?



Beccy

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: GUEST,Les B.
Date: 23 Jun 03 - 01:40 PM

Part of your idea's time has already come. Our non-profit group did a "Bad Art" fundraiser last fall, based on an original concept from an art gallery on the east coast.

We served spam(the meat), peanut butter, and crackers, and had people donate bad art - like Elvis painted on velvet, and other monstrosities. We had a guest auctioneer with a great sense of humor auction them off. We raised about $1500. It was fun, and eye opening!

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 23 Jun 03 - 07:11 AM

What about an "Apathy Workshop" it could be cancelled because of lack of interest.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Walking Eagle
Date: 22 Jun 03 - 09:13 PM

I should think that just having politicians around would be sufficient.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 03 - 08:57 PM

They could feature a demolition derby of old cars. Nothing later than 1960. The sad thing is they would get applicants!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Bsondahl
Date: 22 Jun 03 - 08:20 PM

I probably should have prefaced that the idea was inspired by the great Stupid books by Harry Allard written about 30 years ago:
The Stupids Step out, the Stupids have a ball, and the Stupids take off. While the set of all possible stupidity is large, the subset of funny stupidity is unfortunately limited. And finding stupidity that is brilliant is the holy grail, unfortunately unattainable due to oxymoronic issues too vague to go into at length.
The problem is I think a stupid festival would be fun. I belong to the local chamber of commerce. I don't think they would understand the concept, even though they're looking for ideas.
Their great idea of the last two years is a show and shine of old cars.
I think it fits my concept, but do they?
Brad

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Mr Red
Date: 22 Jun 03 - 05:29 PM

social dance event - a Hoe Down - gardners most welcome - bring yer own hoe hoe hoe hoe

well maybe not that funny nut stupid

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 03 - 04:19 PM

How about a tent where folks can go to discuss all of the "truths" they've learned from the Internet? "Guest" could moderate.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Rolfyboy6
Date: 22 Jun 03 - 03:09 PM

"No one ever went broke underestimating the American public" -H. L. Mencken (in the 1920s!).

How will many people tell it's a stupid festival? I'm sorry to say that but recent (and not so recent) events have forced me to entertain that opinion.

It could be sponsored by NASCAR (National Assn. of Stupid Cretin Airhead Retards).

The Festival Motto: "Stupid is as stupid does!"

This could be a real money maker.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 03 - 12:15 AM

"Tall Conspiracy Theory" swaps would be a great draw. True Confessions by people who forwarded jive emails. Investment Advice for free from ex-dot.com managers.   Writing Workshops by John, the Comma Keyboard King. An Advice to the Lovelorn Booth run by MattR. Since we're all stupid about something I am sure we could run a whole fairway on our own steam. Career Path Counseling comes to mind. Superglue Haircuts? Choices for Healthy Living? The possibilities are endless!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 03 - 11:24 PM

How about an ordinary house, something not haunted or anything?

A ordinary house through which you wander, sometimes finding yourself reflected in a very ordinary mirror? No air jets, no collapsing walkways.

An untattoed lady?

A stage upon which anyone can perform, but are heckled and harassed by musicians?

Face painting done with permanent markers?

Ye Olde Tyme Sword Fyght, but with sharp steel? No, probably couldn't get insurance....

Pony rides with unbroken ponies?

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Alba
Date: 21 Jun 03 - 11:14 PM

heehee Ebbie
Perhaps there could be a Fair attached to the Festival where there could be People rides. Everybody brings their Pony and it gets a ride on a Person.
Forget "bumper cars" you could have "very sensible driving cars" where they all just go round and round and Folk apologize if they happen to get in each others way.
There could be a "not frightening in the slightest" Train!
The main event Stage could book Barry Manilow, performing an evening of Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan songs accompanied by the Sym phony Orchestra or better still he could perhaps be backed by the New York Phillacronic Orchestra.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Jun 03 - 09:56 PM

Nah. Inappropriate. As they say, you have to know the tune before you can improvise.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 03 - 09:56 PM

Why not? He's done stupider things.

But, how do you prevent confusion with Congress or a State Legislature? Or a City Council?

Worse, it might be confused with a political convention.

How about if the famous Goodrich Blimp showed up?

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Sorcha
Date: 21 Jun 03 - 09:48 PM

As in, maybe The Shrub could officiate???..........grin

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Jun 03 - 09:46 PM

Good god. An idea whose time has come.

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Sorcha
Date: 21 Jun 03 - 09:38 PM

Chicken races. Cow pattie (or others) throwing contests. Stoopid Triva Games.......possiblities are endless, as Bobert says.....

Subject: RE: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Jun 03 - 08:57 PM

Hey, Brad. This is a *great* idea. I mean, like hoe utterly retarded. Maybe you could, instead of havin' folks pay to come, you pay them. Now that's stupid.

(Ahhhhh,, Bobert. That is too stupid...)

Okay, forgit that one.

The possibilities are undless. Stupid games with stupid prizes. Stupid stories with stupid endings. Stupid music with even stupder musicans. Stupid awards fir the most stupid events. Stupid crimnals who got stuck in chimneys's trying to break into joints that don't leave money on the premises (like, big sign in the window).

Yeah, with the stupidity in the world today, it's time is long overdus.

Ahhhh, need some contestants/entertainers, as me. There are a few here in the Catbox that come to mind...

Ahhhhhhh, firget it. It's a stupid idea...

Jus' funnin with ya....

Bobert

Subject: BS: Events at a 'Stupid Festival'
From: Bsondahl
Date: 21 Jun 03 - 08:23 PM

I've been considering that it might be fun to have a stupid festival.
This for a little town, a parody of big festivals. I envision a stupid parade, with anyone in it who wants to, through the back alleys. A stupid art display. A bizarre collections display.   A Sym"phony" orchestra concert, pretending to play any instrument they want while a cheap boom box provides the actual music. Of course politicians would be welcome...
Although it would be easy to fall into cynical satire, it might be fun.
Any other ideas for what to include in a Stupid Festival?

Brad Sondahl
http://sondahl.com