BS: A Challenge to the wierd

Subject: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Raptor
Date: 14 Jul 03 - 09:11 PM

To make a long story longer, My better half and I were dicussing my brothers upcomming birthday and decided to get him a cake.

We decided that it should read "Happy Birthday Shithead". We were further wondering if one could get a cake that read "Shithead". We also decided that F__khead would adorn a nice cake for my brother as well.(not that I don't like him he expects this sort of crass thing from me, And why should I let him down?)

We further wondered if In Barrie Ontario Canada we could get a cake that said F__khead.

We still further wondered who would sell me such cakes.

And we finally wondered "What Wouldn't they put on a cake?"

What Statement is too much for a cake?

So Bieng that I took the day off, And that my life has been too serious lately I let my fingers do the walking!

I hit the phone book and went to the bakery section to see what about this cussing cake situation and found out that out of 10 Tim Hortons in Barrie only 2 of them actualy will decorate a cake and they already have a policy on such matters and that is No profanity!
One other bakery will put anything "Reasonable" on a cake but the girl would not elaborate on "Reasonable". And a certin Girl that works at an Ice cream joint that sells between 30 and 32 Flavors Of ice creams told me that I'd have to come in after 5PM to get something rude on a cake!

I have yet to determine "What one CAN'T get written on a cake?"

THE CHALLENGE: Find out What, by whatever means nessasary, in your town Will they NOT write on a cake!


Now I expect a few people here will get on this thread to tell me to get a life , Or that this is not funny, Or that there is no point, Or that this is a waste of time, Or to grow up, Or that this is not original, Or that they are far to mature for such TOM FOOLERY, Or something pious and condesending. And I would like to, At this very moment, cordially invite such folks to Kiss my ass!

The gauntlet has been cast!

Post your results as soon as possible!

RAPTOR

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Jul 03 - 09:30 PM

I will tell you that research is fine, but if you want your cake done 'right', get a plain one and get some of those squeezable icing dispensers and write it like you wish! I used to see them in stores all the time.

I live in a BIG city, and I suspect that some small bakery around here would write anything I choose. (yeah...I might have to come in after 5..*grin*...and I suppose it would be in a box...)

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 14 Jul 03 - 10:09 PM

I live on a SMALL Island (pon 350). We don't run to a bakery, it's all DIY in the birthday cake department, and some wonderful creations I've seen over the years. There have been fishing boats, fire-engines, crayfish, paua (abalone or ormer,) big cocks (both the bird, and with bollocks). As to the wording - some has been close to the bone. Methinks our top wee tart at tart tittivating would be tittilated by ANYTHING she was asked to scurrilously inscribe on a birthday cake. She would titter her titters off.

Ummm.... No, even she would draw the line at producing the complete, unexpurgated version of "Eskimo Nell" on a cake. First, you must build the cake! Her oven is too small - mind you, a few buns have passed through hers.

Back in the 1930s, our Stewart Island population was twice what it is now, and we did run to a bakery, with a hard-baked baker. My dear friend Netta Bragg, who's dead just now, ordered a 'heavy fruit cake' for her 21st Birthday. She got it - there was a brick in the middle!

The same bloke got a hard time from the village when a customer found a small piece of coal in his loaf of bread. The baker didn't want to be accused of loafing, or favouritism. Next bake-day EVERYONE was rewarded with a shiny black lump to blunt the bread-knife!

Cheers - Sam

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Bert
Date: 14 Jul 03 - 11:04 PM

Kinda reminds me of that episode of Golden Girls where Betty had bought a cake, in all innocence at an adult store.

After the others show shock and surprise she says "Oh! I thought it was a map of Florida"

But Bill has your answer, do it yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 14 Jul 03 - 11:10 PM

Yeah? Get a life man! This is not funny. there is like no point eh? Its' like a waste of time, so grow up! It aint orinigal anyway. and I'm like way too mature for, for...AW-Hahahahahaha!!!

Just joshin ya, man! Its' a great idea eh? Look I gotta warn ya tho about the girl at the ice cream joint wh o wants yuou to come in after 5 pm. I know that girl. She is a total skank. Dont say I didn't warn you. I know what her plan is and it aint cake decoratin, eh? Noramllly this would be good, but you aint SEEN this girl, man! She makes my aunt Corrie look good and if you ever seen my aunt I wouldna have to say no more about it! We're talkin scary here. friday the thirteen in curlers and a hockey shirt, man, and hariy ankles thicker than yer frggin neck!

Look, I called around in Blind River, and there aint no one who will do it accept for my aunt Corrie. Let me make it simple for ya. I will do it. Okay? Send me the cake on the bus, and 20 bucks and I will put any words on it you like and send it back. Send 20 bucks and a case of beer and I will do it in 4 colours!

Totally cool idea!!!

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: LadyJean
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 12:49 AM

I knew some girls in college who baked a giant penis cake. I don't think I want to know what they used to color the icing. (It was a caucasian penis.)

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Sorcha
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 12:53 AM

ROF here,,,,,,I'll do it.....tell me where to send it.....

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 01:06 AM

What sort of cake-walk are you planning, Sorch?

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Sam L
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:43 AM

I'm in the do-it-yourself camp, or too lazy to check into it, although it sounds like a good experiment.

Some related stories, though. My daughter and I sometimes bake mis-fortune cookies, with amusingly bad fortunes in them. Sent some to my sister in San Fran, and she said there's a fortune cookie factory there where you can buy regular or "sexy". But the naughty ones are both so mistranslated and so constrained in regard to their idea of naughtiness that they are just weird and absurd.

   I work in a handmade rug shop, and we once got in a silk and wool Nepalese rug, white on white stripes. I'd recently read a New Yorker article about men in the porn industry, and the journalist said in doing interviews he'd noticed all the houses were white, white carpet, white everything, always a big-screen t.v., no books. So I named the rug the Porn Rug. That week the owner of a strip club bought it, paid about four thousand dollars--all in fives and tens. When he left I announced that when it came back for cleaning, I wasn't going to touch it.

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: M.Ted
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 04:07 PM

Check with these folks, they may ship their wares:

Eroticakes III Adult Bakery
[phone] 116 Market St
Philadelphia, PA --

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 07:31 PM

An adult BAKERY?? What the hell do they do in an "adult" bakery??? I thought adults were always the ones who ran bakeries. Why would a kid want t 'spend time in a bakery? This really is weird.


A

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 08:26 PM

The mind boggles. I would expect to walk in and find people in fishnet stockings (and not much else) all covered with whipped cream and icing over the crucial areas...

The word "adult" is constantly being applied to businesses and artforms which in fact indicate some form of arrested development, emotionally speaking! It's worrisome. :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Kim C
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 08:42 PM

You can buy naughty-bit cake pans in just about any adult novelty catalog.

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 12:13 AM

We are

not

talking "rocket science" here (excpet in your particular case Raptor) you put some lipids & sugar into a synthetic casing and squeeze the shit through a small orafice out over a cake....script or print it all reads the same....you can also bake the cake...even from a mix...if you are THAT perflexed.....

Why pay the middle man? Spend it on booze or MC's- CDs and support the alternative economies.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 10:46 AM

I should think that an adult bakery would manage to get lots of buns in the oven !

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 11:44 AM

ever concious of the mathematical possibilities in the WWW, I did a quick search.. "adult cakes" + designs

lookie here!

especially this one it might get you some design ideas, anyway...

(you can do the same search on "Adult chocolates" etc..)

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 12:33 PM

You're missing the point, Garg. Raptor simply issued a challenge to people to find out what in their town cannot (or will not) be written on a cake by an established bakery-type business that normally writes things on cakes. His purpose in doing so was solely humorous. He was not desperately seeking a practical solution to a problem here. No indeed. I know Raptor, and he is exceedingly good at finding practical solutions to much bigger problems than this one.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 01:08 PM

Questions...

1) Amos - your adult bakery.... what do they put the holes in the doughnuts with?

2) Bill D - your link, More "Adult" cakes.... why Charlie Chaplin?

I made a Basque cake for a birthday once... getting the icing black was the hardest - used two whole bottles of colouring! I still have the merino trim somewhere......

I have no doubts that we could find you someone in London who will write anything you like on a cake - as long as it isn't the entire collected works of McGonagle or something.... I'm curious about a certain chocolate emporium owned by a relative of BillyBobs.... You can get chocolate items with writing on... what won't THEY write on something?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Ely
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 10:26 AM

Some of the "normal" bakeries here will do cakes with cheerleaders, etc, featuring exaggerated T & A (clothed, but exaggerated), so I imagine it won't take long to find somebody who will go further. Otherwise, you probably have a friend somewhere with good handwriting and a sense of humor (unless you do, in which case the problem is solved--personally, I've got the humor covered but lousy penmanship).

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 10:36 AM

Liz....Charlie Chaplin? uhhhhh...you must have dug further into those links than I did!...I don't see any mention of him on quick perusal...

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 09:33 PM

I called the local bakery. They refuse to do cakes with the following words: c*nt, c*cks*cker, sh*t (and derivatives thereof), f*ck (and derivatives thereof), bollocks (but bullochs is okay), p*nis, t*ts (and derivatives thereof), solypsism, n*gger, and the phrase "weapons of mass destruction are located here".

I think this is all quite understandable, except in the case of solypsism...I believe the problem with that word is that they're not sure what it means, but they're too insecure to admit it. No one objected to putting "William Shatner is Godlike and incredibly sexy!!!" on a cake, because let's face it...he is. This is good news for our upcoming Kirkathon Festival at the WSSBA in beautiful lakeland Orillia, where contestants will strive to win the coveted Hamlet Unleashed Award for doing the most accurate James T. Kirk dramatic impressions. The winner gets a solid gold (well, okay, brass-plated composite resin) tribble that weighs in at 35 pounds and makes a super conversation piece or doorstop.

This really should go on the Mother of all BS thread...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: A Challenge to the wierd
From: Raptor
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 11:57 PM

So far the folks at Zaers in Barrie take the cake and will write aNYTHING BUT c*nt But it just dawns on me . Who would write "Eat Shit"
On A cake that they made? Heres a cake, eat shit.

I'll get back to ya on that one !

Raptor