BS: Subversive Cheese

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: michaelr
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 07:00 PM

Ah, Wensleydale... shades of Wallace and Gromit!

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Folkiedave
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 06:37 PM

Back to cheese.

Four of us visiting a friend in the States from Sheffield. We asked her if there was anything she missed from the UK and she said Wensleydale cheese. Unbeknown to us our friends had done the same.

So my wife and I appraoched customs at Atlanta I declared about eight different types of Wensleydale cheese............the guy thought we were crackers (!!) and took a look at them all..

Next in line our friends. They declared exactly the same thing!!

Dave

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 06:01 PM

You're dead right, LtS, but leave out the word "almost." Hands, arms, feet and foreheads can be quite deadly. So can shoestrings, belts, pencils, ballpoint pens, laptops, cell phones, and, I suppose, pocket lint. A rolled up newspaper or magazine, and the airlines supply those.

As I said, official paranoia.

Frankly, the US should have followed the European model -- I actually felt safe at Heathrow, Gatwick, Shannon, and Dublin.

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 05:53 PM

Scissors and nail clippers can be used to cut important wires, knitting needles can kill if inserted into the right orifice and with the right amount of force, ditto steel nail files.

When you have murderous tendancies, almost anything can be a lethal weapon.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Kim C
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 10:17 AM

No, you might be able to tie someone up with the oak splits. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: MC Fat
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 09:52 AM

..maybe they should try basket weaving....

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Kim C
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 09:48 AM

Yes, well, technically, you don't knit an afghan. A true afghan is made with an afghan stitch - some call it Tunisian stitch - which is made with a really long crochet hook. I realize, though, "afghan" has become a generic term for any knitted or crocheted coverlet. :-)

From what I understand, they are letting people take knitting needles on board now. I mean, really, what are you going to do with a knitting needle? Put somebody's eye out, maybe. Does anyone know of a crime that's ever been perpetrated by a suspect wielding a knitting needle? Scissors, though, they still don't like that. I can see a prohibition against full-size scissors, but not the little embroidery scissors.

Someone at the Nashville airport had nail clippers taken away from them not too long ago. And a friend of mine bought some powdered henna when she was overseas - they wouldn't let her take it on the plane. I guess you can hide cocaine in it, or something, but why would you want to ruin perfectly good henna?

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 09:35 AM

On our recent flights to Greece we've done the sensible things and kept scissors, corkscrew, swisscard etc in our main luggage not carryons. BUT Herself had to fly to Edinburgh on business this week, takes only carry-on bag and had her tiny manicure scissors confiscated but they let her steel tailcomb (with a potentially lethal 3" "tail") through. If she had wanted to attack the pilot, the comb would have been more dangerous than the scissors. Then on the plane, of course, they served wine in glass bottles!

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 08:55 AM

You can't bring knitting needles on board an aircraft either, 'cause you might knit an Afghan.

Seriously though, you can be searched if any nitrates are detected on you or your baggage. Which means that if you've visited a farm (including "organic" ones), handled any fireworks, fired a rifle as a hunter or as a member of an Olympic shooting team, use nitroglycerin for angina, or, I suppose, squash a hot dog on yourself, you'll set off the detectors.

There's a difference between "reasonable precautions" and "official paranoia."

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: MC Fat
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 08:38 AM

I had a mate who was a chef at the local hospital, he had a girlfriend who lived in London and when who could get time off, which could be at short notice, he would fly down from Glasow to London. This was during the IRA bombings and security was tight. He got some time off unexpectedly and phoned his woman and asked if she would like anything she missed bringing down. She asked for some Lorne Sausage (it comes in a square block of about two pounds weight covered with wax paper get the similarity.....semtex). He used to travel light and bought the said sausage bunged it in shoulder bag went off to the airport. He just managed to catch a flight and was running down the corridor to board at the gate, before he could reah the gate a security man stepped out from behind a pillar. 'Can I look in your bag sir' at which point the security man unzipped the bag and put his hand into the bag to feel this waxy soft stuff. 'What have we got here sir ?' he said thinking promotion I've caught a bomber. 'Two pounds of sliced sausage' my mate replies.   
'Sure thing sir' security guard says smugly as he picks up the block of sausage 'Bloody hell it is sausage' he shrieks. A true story.

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 07:34 AM

OK, so they both got let off with a cheesey grin?

'Twill get worse...

Cheers - Sam, who has been as far as possible from that BS for a couple of decades. And, it's catching up with me...

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: curmudgeon
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 07:19 AM

Lady Jean is not the only person to encounter such absurdities; a story from Annanova can be found here.
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Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 06:21 AM

You cheated Giok, using two lines...

My punchline would have ended... grumble... burppp!

OK.... mumble....

But if you carry Corgonzola,
Tread softly with a Camambert...

BURP

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 06:10 AM

But if you carry Gorgonzola
There'll by no need for X-Rays there.

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 05:01 AM

All our x-rayed grips to bare

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 04:41 AM

What a friend we have in cheeses.

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Noreen
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 04:34 AM

Surprise number 1 came when I tried to check my bag. They X Ray them now...

You've been on another planet since 9/11?

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 04:20 AM

So if you want to smuggle a banjo across the border, wrap it in cheese first - you can even use the strings to slice it!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: Bert
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 02:19 AM

Smart lady that. She thinks there may be a bomb in there but just opens up the bag anyway.

Subject: BS: Subversive Cheese
From: LadyJean
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 11:53 PM

A warning for those who may be travelling by air.
I went to Kentucky, to visit my cousins last month. I brought along a couple of pounds of cheese for my cousin John. (They live in a small town, where good cheese is hard to come by. John is 89, and in better shape than I am. Cheese will not harm him.) I packed the cheese in my suitcase.
Surprise number 1 came when I tried to check my bag. They X Ray them now. Surprise number 2 came when the nice lady put on a pair of surgical gloves, and told me she was going to have to search my bag. "There's a couple of blocks in there. We can't see what they are," she said. The potential bombs were 1 pound smoked cheddar, 1 pound port wine cheddar. At least she didn't unwrap the cheese, or stick her fingers into it. But do pack carefully, give yourself PLENTY of time at the airport, and beware of subversive cheese.