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BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?

Ebbie 26 Jul 03 - 11:35 PM
Rapparee 26 Jul 03 - 11:43 PM
Amos 27 Jul 03 - 12:04 AM
Ebbie 27 Jul 03 - 12:10 AM
Helen 27 Jul 03 - 01:46 AM
Bert 27 Jul 03 - 01:59 AM
Amergin 27 Jul 03 - 02:08 AM
Bert 27 Jul 03 - 02:22 AM
GUEST,Boab D 27 Jul 03 - 04:17 AM
artbrooks 27 Jul 03 - 08:13 AM
kendall 27 Jul 03 - 08:36 AM
LilyFestre 27 Jul 03 - 09:23 AM
Kim C 27 Jul 03 - 09:51 AM
Padre 27 Jul 03 - 09:53 AM
Rapparee 27 Jul 03 - 10:34 AM
Sam L 27 Jul 03 - 11:20 AM
Ely 27 Jul 03 - 11:27 AM
Mary in Kentucky 27 Jul 03 - 11:40 AM
Deckman 27 Jul 03 - 11:52 AM
Little Hawk 27 Jul 03 - 12:30 PM
catspaw49 27 Jul 03 - 12:36 PM
catspaw49 27 Jul 03 - 12:41 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jul 03 - 12:45 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jul 03 - 12:51 PM
Amos 27 Jul 03 - 03:06 PM
Deckman 27 Jul 03 - 03:16 PM
Amos 27 Jul 03 - 03:25 PM
Sorcha 27 Jul 03 - 03:44 PM
katlaughing 27 Jul 03 - 05:27 PM
GUEST,Boab D 27 Jul 03 - 05:53 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jul 03 - 05:59 PM
Deckman 27 Jul 03 - 06:52 PM
harvey andrews 27 Jul 03 - 07:08 PM
Sam L 27 Jul 03 - 07:49 PM
Amos 27 Jul 03 - 08:28 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jul 03 - 09:09 PM
Sorcha 27 Jul 03 - 10:06 PM
Amos 27 Jul 03 - 10:08 PM
Deckman 27 Jul 03 - 11:40 PM
Marion 28 Jul 03 - 01:29 AM
Roger the Skiffler 28 Jul 03 - 03:53 AM
Wilfried Schaum 28 Jul 03 - 04:14 AM
Wilfried Schaum 28 Jul 03 - 04:28 AM
Jerry Rasmussen 28 Jul 03 - 08:40 AM
Deda 28 Jul 03 - 12:57 PM
Amos 28 Jul 03 - 02:10 PM
Deda 28 Jul 03 - 04:53 PM
Chief Chaos 28 Jul 03 - 04:55 PM
Grab 28 Jul 03 - 08:11 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jul 03 - 11:38 PM
Mary in Kentucky 28 Jul 03 - 11:59 PM
Deckman 29 Jul 03 - 12:06 AM
Little Hawk 29 Jul 03 - 02:50 PM
Amos 29 Jul 03 - 03:03 PM
akenaton 29 Jul 03 - 04:49 PM
catspaw49 29 Jul 03 - 05:12 PM
Amergin 29 Jul 03 - 05:35 PM
Kim C 29 Jul 03 - 05:41 PM
akenaton 29 Jul 03 - 06:04 PM
Jerry Rasmussen 29 Jul 03 - 10:10 PM
Amos 29 Jul 03 - 11:27 PM
Ely 29 Jul 03 - 11:37 PM
Helen 30 Jul 03 - 12:26 AM
LadyJean 30 Jul 03 - 12:42 AM
ToulouseCruise 30 Jul 03 - 08:03 AM
Sam L 30 Jul 03 - 08:34 AM
Amos 30 Jul 03 - 08:43 AM
ToulouseCruise 30 Jul 03 - 09:06 AM
Amos 30 Jul 03 - 09:17 PM
Kim C 31 Jul 03 - 06:41 PM
Amos 31 Jul 03 - 10:22 PM
the lemonade lady 01 Aug 03 - 06:37 AM
the lemonade lady 01 Aug 03 - 06:38 AM
Sam L 01 Aug 03 - 09:38 AM
Kim C 01 Aug 03 - 10:02 AM
Sam L 01 Aug 03 - 02:08 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 03 - 06:11 PM
Kim C 02 Aug 03 - 12:33 AM
Deckman 02 Aug 03 - 12:46 AM
Ebbie 02 Aug 03 - 10:28 PM
Deda 02 Aug 03 - 10:53 PM
Kim C 03 Aug 03 - 12:55 AM
DMcG 03 Aug 03 - 05:03 AM
akenaton 03 Aug 03 - 06:57 AM
Amos 03 Aug 03 - 09:59 AM
Sam L 03 Aug 03 - 10:00 AM
Amos 03 Aug 03 - 10:23 AM
akenaton 03 Aug 03 - 10:25 AM
Kim C 03 Aug 03 - 11:02 AM
Amos 03 Aug 03 - 12:44 PM
akenaton 03 Aug 03 - 01:49 PM
rock chick 03 Aug 03 - 06:09 PM
Helen 03 Aug 03 - 07:55 PM
Kim C 03 Aug 03 - 09:03 PM
Helen 03 Aug 03 - 11:41 PM
Amos 04 Aug 03 - 12:01 AM
Amergin 04 Aug 03 - 02:14 AM
Helen 04 Aug 03 - 05:42 AM
Peter T. 04 Aug 03 - 06:05 PM
akenaton 04 Aug 03 - 06:23 PM
Sam L 04 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM
Amos 04 Aug 03 - 08:03 PM
akenaton 04 Aug 03 - 08:09 PM
Ebbie 04 Aug 03 - 08:25 PM
akenaton 04 Aug 03 - 08:43 PM
Amos 05 Aug 03 - 12:05 AM
Ebbie 05 Aug 03 - 01:22 AM
akenaton 05 Aug 03 - 08:55 AM
Jeanie 05 Aug 03 - 12:15 PM
Amos 05 Aug 03 - 01:51 PM
akenaton 05 Aug 03 - 02:55 PM
Kim C 05 Aug 03 - 03:20 PM
Sam L 05 Aug 03 - 04:01 PM
GUEST,heric 05 Aug 03 - 04:06 PM
GUEST,heric 05 Aug 03 - 04:20 PM
Ebbie 05 Aug 03 - 04:33 PM
GUEST 05 Aug 03 - 04:48 PM
GUEST,heric 05 Aug 03 - 05:10 PM
Sam L 05 Aug 03 - 07:46 PM
GUEST,heric 06 Aug 03 - 01:56 PM
Kim C 06 Aug 03 - 03:41 PM
GUEST,heric 06 Aug 03 - 06:32 PM
Ebbie 06 Aug 03 - 06:53 PM
hesperis 24 Aug 03 - 11:38 PM
GUEST,Mishell Baker 25 Aug 03 - 01:45 AM
ToulouseCruise 25 Aug 03 - 02:20 PM
GUEST 25 Aug 03 - 06:48 PM
CarolC 11 Sep 03 - 03:04 PM
GUEST,Ms Guided 12 Sep 03 - 06:50 AM
Jack the Sailor 12 Sep 03 - 08:11 AM
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Subject: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 11:35 PM

The story of meeting one's significant other(s) is often a wondrous tale. Often people report that they knew immediately that this was an important person in their life.

For the record, the man I eventually married first impressed me by being able to 'stand' on one hand, his body straight up. Of course, he was just 11 years old at the time.

I once wrote a song that I called 'The First Time'. There is one verse that goes:

Our lives together were clashes of will
And we finally shook ourselves free
But I remember- and treasure it still-
The first time you smiled on me.

That's the kind of question I am asking. What was that first moment when you KNEW?


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 11:43 PM

Dunno, really. After a friend and I swapped girls on a ferry, I sort of ended up with the one I married. But I can't say that there was one moment WHEN. We sort of discovered it gradually, I guess. I do know that my proposal was sort of unique: I said, "You'll have to tell me when you want to get married." She said, "Oh, okay" and called my mother to tell her we were going to get married. My mother, who had my sister Martha living with her, announced it by shouting, "Hey, Martha! Pat's pregnant!" That was in, maybe, March. We were married in October of 1973 and have been togther ever since.

Oh, yeah. She wasn't pregnant. Just another one of my Mother's paybacks for all the gray hair we gave her.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 12:04 AM

We dated for only three weeks before I suggested we stop kidding ourselves and get married. That was some 24 years ago.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 12:10 AM

Wow, guys. Sounds like it's the male of the species that is romantic.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Helen
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 01:46 AM

My hubby and I met about 20 years ago, but we just used to see each other here and there at parties, have a nice conversation, and then drift off to talk to other people. I always thought he was a nice bloke.

I didn't meet up again with him until a Christmas party in 1996 but we just said hello and didn't really talk much (he was pissed and behaving like a 7 year old with one of his mates...inklings of the future *g*)

About 6 months later we met up again at a pub and had a lovely long chat and I walked away to pack up my harp and other gear, sat down and thought "This is it! This is what I have been waiting for."

After I went back over to talk again he asked me out in a really casual offhand sort of way - but it wasn't long after that that we were full-on serious about each other.

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Bert
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 01:59 AM

Wow Ebbie, you've gorn an dunnit nah.

It happened the moment I looked into her eyes. I wasn't ready for a relationship. My immediate thought was "OH SHIT". I knew she was the one and the only one for ever - no escape.

Her first words to me were "You're a Motherfucking liar". I proved that I wasn't and she bought me a drink. It cost her the most expensive Scotch in the bar. That was eleven years ago.

You said "I once wrote a song that I called 'The First Time'."

Oh my gawd so did I, here 'tiz.

I remember the first time we met
You let me carry you books
I remember how pretty you looked
I remember the first time we met

Chorus
There's no use regretting the first time
and wishing it never would end
there's no use forgetting the first time
there won't be a first time again.

I remember the first time we danced
around and around on the floor
we danced some more and some more
I remember the first time we danced

I remember the first time we kissed
and how my lips caught on fire
my heart was filled with desire
I remember the first tiome we kissed.

Chorus.

I remember the first time we loved
how closely our bodies entwined
I knew that you'd always be mine
I remember the first time we loved

Chorus

And now every time that we love
it's just like the first time.

I sang it on Mudcat radio at least once, take a look in the archives, towards the end.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amergin
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 02:08 AM

Wll, not married yet...but will be before too long I expect....I met my fiancee at another board about a year ago and we would just talk...and me would mainly be cheeky...and everything...but then the chats got more and more serious....and then she flew over for a month...a very magical month...and I knew then...especially this one night we went out on a dinner cruise up and down the Willamette River...looking in her eyes by the candlelight...and talking and laughing...and drinking a couple of bottles of wine...then later we disembarked...and walked around waterfront park...as I sang to her...I had an idea when I first met her that she was the one...but that night clinched it...


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Bert
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 02:22 AM

Of course the real song about the meeting is here


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 04:17 AM

I had just left the army 4 months previous with the "I'm never going to settle down attitude no one will ever get me" as you do.
I went on my offshore medics course and for some reason I sat next to this lassie it was just a seat to me at the time.Then we started talking and I discovered that she was more than just a lassie she was the lassie. So during the fag breaks we would chat and I just knew that she was the one.We went out for the end of course piss up and her friend came along and I suppose looking back now her friend was trying to trap off with me but I just blanked her as my now fiancee was the only one that I wanted to be with ever.There was no other person who I wanted to be with. There was just that click of I dont know how to describe it but the knowing that you just get like all your ideas and images come into view but only when you think of this one person. Thats all I can say really.
When I started working again after a long lay off the relationship just kept on getting better and better. Now we are engaged to be married next year and to be honest no one else could have done what Lynsey has for me.
So to sum up I think that from the first time we clapped eyes on each other would have been when I knew. I still kid her on that she looked at me with love in her eyes from the first time she saw me funnily enough it was me from the first moment I saw her but she doesnt know that as its my wee secret
Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: artbrooks
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 08:13 AM

There really was never a question. We met folkdancing...we were next to each other in a line, and she began the dance going one way and I the other. After the resulting body slam (about a hundred pounds difference in our weights, then and now), I invited her out for a cup of coffee. We dated at long distance for the next 2 1/2 years-we were attending different universities, 1500 miles apart, and then I went into the army. I came back from a tour in Korea, went to Pittsburgh where she lived and then we went on to my parents' home in Georgia. My father asked, "well, are you going to get married some day?" I looked at her and said "how about next week?" That was March, 1970.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: kendall
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 08:36 AM

It hasn't happend yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: LilyFestre
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 09:23 AM

It was the day before the start of my senior year in college. For him, it was the day before the start of his freshman year. Traditionally, the college has a big picnic on the quad the day before all classes start....a getting aquainted or re-aquainted kind of thing.

Being the somewhat non-social creature that I am, I squirmed and wiggled every which way to get out of going while my friend was doing her best to talk me into going.

He, being the non-social creature that he is only consented to go to the picnic when his roommate told him it would be the best food he was going to get to eat for the next semester.



My friend and I walked onto the quad and were mingling (a fate worse than death if you ask me) when I turned and caught eyes with the love of my life. I knew right then.

We spent the night talking. He expressed his love for nature, the environment and fishing.....I thought of a nearby lake that is absolutely lovely in the moonlight. We drove there...of course it had clouded over, it was dark as could be and even though I drove right up to the edge of the water, it was barely visable. He still teases me to this day about the lake that isn't there!

Later he told me that he called his mother that very night and told her that he had met the woman he was going to marry. :)

Two months later we were engaged (not to mention inseperable) and 7 months after that, we were married. That was July 13, 1991.   :)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 09:51 AM

Met by accident and knew right off. Don't know how to explain that. Just had our 13th anniversary.

But that sort of "knowing right off" doesn't just happen with romantic partners. It happens with your friends too. Sometimes you meet someone and right away you have a bond with them. Then you're friends for life.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Padre
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 09:53 AM

We met in a 'management by objectives' (MBO) class taught at the Department of Agriculture Graduate School in DC. Our first date was to go to the Monday night open sing at the Red Fox, hosted by Bruce Hutton [really romantic, huh].

I think Gail knew within a few weeks, but it took me a little longer. We were married about 8 months later, and have been together for 28 years.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 10:34 AM

Forgot to mention how we met! Sorry.

I was on leave before shipping out to Korea, went into the college library were she was working at the time. While I waited to see my friends who worked there I sat and read a magazine; Pat says she wandered by and told me later that I "was there and acting weird."

After I returned from the service I restarted college almost at once. A day or so before classes were to start I was sitting in the Student Union when a friend asked if I'd like to go to a party that night. Having nothing better to do, I accepted. The party was to celebrate Pat and her roommate being successfully moved to another apartment; I had a couple of beers and left with the roommate, who I had known prior to the service.

One day some weeks later a male friend and I went to the train station to pick up Pat and her roommate, who had been shopping in Chicago. We all went off to get a bite to eat and, while crossing the river on the ferry (the restaurant was some 30 miles upstream) he and I "swapped girls" -- such as it was, as neither or us were actually "going" with either of them.

When I say say the Pat was working at the college library, I mean that she was on the faculty. She's a couple of years older that I am. Every student dates and eventually marries a faculty member, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 11:20 AM

That's true about friends, Kim. I can remember a few people I met and immediately thought, This is somebody I need to know.

We met when I was 17, through one of those immediate friends. Awkwardly, she was living with him. He asked me to play for a theatre group he had, and I remember her walking in the door. I'd go over to eat dinner, and she never seemed to look in my direction. Things were messy, there were hurt feelings all around. He and I stayed friends, but eventually he didn't seem to want to hang around us much. I knew I wanted to be with her, or felt I did, all along.

Our eighteenth anniversary was last week, last night we were up late talking, she was starting to seem fairly sure, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ely
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 11:27 AM

Hasn't happened. At least, I hope it hasn't happened.

I've got a pathetic romantic history for a twentysomething--I had a boyfriend briefly in college ("Bob"--nothing like his real name). One boyfriend, ever. It didn't work out, mostly because we had very different ideas about what a relationship should be, although he's a great guy (smart, hardworking, funny, kind). My brother was the best man at his wedding and said the whole thing made him sad because he couldn't help thinking that I would have been better for Bob long-term than the girl he married.

I'm sure I'm mostly suffering from One Boyfriend Syndrome, and I wouldn't worry about it so much if he hadn't been the only one who ever showed any interest in me (I'm great at being friends with guys but it never occurs to them to ask me out).


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 11:40 AM

I was to be a dorm advisor my junior year of college. I was really looking forward to living in a private room which only advisors got. When I showed up with all my belongings to move in, the dorm mother informed me that because of overcrowding that year, two advisors on the entire campus would have to share a single-person room. My roomie turned out to be the sister of my now Hubby. I met Hubby on the steps to the dorm since he was helping his sister move in.

The story I later heard was that he was halfway home with his brother (~20 miles away) and turned to him and said, "I'm going back to get a date with her (me). He bopped into the dorm while I was sitting desk duty at the front desk and asked me out. I loved his shoes (be-bops) so of course I said yes.

But the second date was the real clincher. We went for an allday picnic at Natural Bridge (beautiful nature area), and I returned thoroughly "snowed." (The dorm mother later admitted that she thought I was drunk.) I think I "knew" then, but I spent the next 1 1/2 years refusing to get engaged, then another year before getting married.

At 18 I sincerely thought I'd never marry. Then at 23 I was married. It's been 32 years.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Deckman
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 11:52 AM

Bride Judy amd I met at the farewell hoot for Walt Robertson. I was hosting the hoot and folks came from all over. Judy had met Walt only once but she came with a girlfriend that had known him for many years. During the afternoon and evening of that day, I noticed her, introduced myself and we had a brief but pleasnt chat. After Walt's death three weeks later, Judy's girlfiend suggested that she write me. I was rather taken by her note and suggested that she come over to this side of the mountains for a visit. She did, then I did, then she did, and then we did!. I was certain that I wanted to be with her forever within a month. I'd been single for nine years but Judy had been single for 22 years. It took her longer, but we married six months after we met. It's been a little over 8 years, and I'm still smiling! And Kim C., you are so right. I have made and kept many friends, men and women, that I've known almost instantly I would like to get to know better. My biggest problem now is that almost all my male friends have passed on and now I've got all these lady friends when I'd really like to go fishing with the guys sometime! Oh, well.
CHEERS, Bob(deckman)Nelson


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 12:30 PM

It hasn't happened, and I don't think it will...in this life. I can't imagine it happening anymore at this point. There were a couple of times I thought that it had happened, but that's what romance is like...it radically changes your perceptions of reality for awhile. The other person seems to be perfect (or nearly so). Even their imperfections seem to have a rare charm which adds spice to the relationship. The whole World seems suddenly wonderful. You gain confidence in both yourself and in life. You feel unstoppable, omnipotent, filled with energy and resolve.

That's the "falling in love" syndrome which happens to most of us at one time or another. A book I read suggested that it's a trick of Nature enabling us to make the initial committments necessary in order to embark on Life's most enormous job...raising a family. Without this trick society might have great trouble functioning.

"Falling in love" does not equal love, however, because falling in love is effortless. It just happens. Love is not effortless in the least...it requires continued hard work even when you don't feel like it at all.

Do people have soulmates? I don't know. I get the impression that some people do, but that others don't (at least in a particular life).

For those of you that do, well, I wish you well. "the holy kiss that's s'posed to last eternity" has not proved to be such in my case, though it does indeed feel holy while it's happening.

(quote is from Dylan's song "Love is just a Four Letter Word".)

I do think that falling in love with Life itself would be a greater thing to do than falling in love with one other human being, but I'm not saying it's easy...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 12:36 PM

I've told it before here, but here goes again.........

A woman who was on my sales staff came into my office and said, "Pat, how would you like to meet a really nice girl?" I was a little sick and in a moment of weakness, mainly to get this woman out of my office, I said okay. I had quit going on blind dates years before but I was happy just to get Charlene out of the office! The girl she said, was her husband's stepdaughter, nine years younger than mysyelf. I was 36 and more interested in a nice dinner than I was romance.

I met Karen on a Thursday evening and I wasn't looking for a girlfriend, much less a wife. Within 20 minutes I knew that this was the woman I'd spend the rest of my life with. She had about the same feeling and when I went home I called some friends and told them. She designed a wedding dress. Karen told her roommate about me and she said, "I bet he asks you to marry him." Karen protested that I wasn't likely to do so as I was "long-term" single and wore suits to work.

We went to a ballgame on Saturday (she had free tickets-Braves) and then I couldn't see her again til Tuesday. So I sent her some flowers with a note that said "I'm so happy you've come into my life." On Tuesday we were supposed to go watch a movie but I picked her up and said, "We have to talk, ta' hell with the movies." She agreed immediately and we went about talking about the whens and wheres of getting married. We went to a friend's house and I introduced her and we told them we were getting married. Late that night, about 2 AM we stopped in a Denny's for coffee and she reminded me that technically I hadn't proposed to her. I was eating an English muffin at the time and said, "Okay......Not upon a knee, but looking across this table and English muffin.......Will you marry me?" Fortunately she did say yes.........18 years ago. She was 27, I was 36. Karen is absolutely the greatest and best thing that has ever happened to me!


Time elapsed before we both knew--------20 minutes
Time elapsed before actual proposal-------52 hours
Time elapsed before wedding-------------- 5 months

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 12:41 PM

"Love is not effortless in the least...it requires continued hard work even when you don't feel like it at all."

Sorry Hawk......In our case at least, you could not be more wrong. There are many things in even the best of lives that take great effort and work to sustain. Loving each other isn't one of those things for Karen and I.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 12:45 PM

Well, I can't help but grin every time I read that heartwarming story, Spaw. You are one lucky son of a gun...or maybe you earned it somehow, somewhere along the line.

I hear about stuff like that and just shake my head. It's almost inconceivable at this point, but it was what I kept expecting to happen when I was from oh, age 16-45. The World is a place of amazing variety and possibilities.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 12:51 PM

Okay, Spaw, I don't mean that loving another person requires effort...you either do or you don't love them...I mean that putting that love into effective action on a daily basis requires effort. Of course, when you do love deeply (anything) the energy is usually there to make the effort.

I guess the way you view marriage could have a lot to do with it. I don't have very good feelings about the institution. I am deeply suspicious of it.   I could tell you more about that, but you aren't my analyst, so I'm not going to... :-)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 03:06 PM

Well, it isn't effort particularly, any more than breathing is. I suspect you are almost in the right state of mind to be totally bushwhacked, LH, old buddy....after which you'll see what I mean.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Deckman
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 03:16 PM

Hey Littlehawk ... want some phone numbers? Bob


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 03:25 PM

Another "First Meeting" song written for another couple:

 Áine's Air



         The melody to this love song is a slow and measured rendition of Down By The Sally Gardens which lingers between measures,  and would sound fair on a dulcimer and recorder.  Lente, lente.

  
 Down at the city's center fair
 We did first agree to meet
 And as I saw you approaching
 I felt the wind around my feet
 There was sunlight warming in me
 Though the day it had long gone
 When first  your stranger's gentle smile
 I gladly looked  upon.

 Though short our time of meeting
 And long our sharing true,
 Forever and another day,  love
 I will abide with you
 For the earth may turn around us,
 And the moon draw out the sea,
 And in the center, stilly stands
 My own true love, with me.

 Be with me in that center yet
 And take my faithful hand
 And as the green trees slowly grow
 So green we surely stand
 For you are in my deepest heart
 As I, my love, in thine
 And as the green grass roots do grow
 So are our own entwined

 And if the city crumbles, dear
 And the lands do fall beside,
 And if the winds grow ever cold,
 Yet by you I will abide
 For sun and winds I have no need,
 Or city centers fair,
 When aye the quiet heart goes on
 Because that you are there.
 
 
   (To Áine and HB on their anniversary)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sorcha
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 03:44 PM

In late August my brother and his friends pulled in the drive on their Harley's and asked if I wanted to go get a coke with them. I said Sure, he said, you can ride with Brian. I think I knew by the time we got to the coke shop. Mid November he said, Let's get married. We married in March 29 years ago. Been some rough times, but he is my Last Husband......


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 05:27 PM

Ya never know who's going to do the bushwhacking...could be the guy.:-)

I was a single mom with three little kids starting a new job at a radio station. I was nervous as hell. My sisters had given me a couple of tranquilisers the night before because I was rigid with anxiety. The next day, sitting in my new sales manager's office, listening to her drone on about radio sales which I knew nothing about, I had trouble staying awake.

She finally said we could take a break. I got up, walked down the hall to the hot water and coffee area to make some hot chocolate, thinking I'd stay awake better with some caffeine. By this time I'd already been introduced to everyone, but of course didn't really know any of them.

I was standing there stirring my hot choclate when from across the hall here comes one of the two Rogers I'd met that morning. Next thing I knew, I'd been asked out on a date! I was so surprised I said yes without thinking. When I got back to my desk, though, I was quite intrigued with his boldness.:-)

We went out that next weekend. He took me to dinner and dancing ( he's a GOOD dancer!). We went back to my place and spent the rest of the night talking and watching the sun come up. It was wonderful. I knew I wanted to see more of him and he must've felt the same because he kept asking me out.

About two months later I had to move, unexpectedly. My landlord wanted my house for relatives. I was crying about it to my girlfriend when Rog came over to visit. He acted kind of embarassed to see me crying and I definitely was. Nonetheless, he kind of quietly piped up and said he guessed it'd be alright if the kids, cats, and dog wanted to move out to his ranch with him and his horse. Brave man, never been married, no kids, nada, just a horse.:-)

We moved out there in June 1, 1979. We still hadn't talked too much of marriage or love, partly because our company had a rule against nepotism. By July I'd had to go in for a heart cath and was very ill afterwards. Rog took me away for a weekend to recoup at a fancy resort hotel where he brought me fresh canteloupe for my blood sugar and made sure I got a couple of really good massages, plus took me for a soak in the hot springs. It was that weekend when he first told me that he loved me. Then he showed me his tattoo on his right arm, which is of three beautiful red roses. He said he'd gotten it with the idea of having his soulmate's name tattooed there someday and that he'd like to put my name there. He went on to explain that with his work he could not and would not risk wearing a ring lest he lose a finger, so that was his way of showing committment. That went straight to my heart and I knew I was in love forever.

Of the two Rogers I met that day, I wasn't sure at first which one I'd like to go out with. I didn't find out until later that they were best friends and the other one was gay; to this day he remains one of our very dearest best friends and was one of two witnesses to our marriage the following spring of 1980 after the company told us we'd might as well get married since we were already violating their rule by living together!

It's been tough, fun, sad, lonely, happy, fulfilling and a bunch of other things over the years, but the lessons learned have been lasting and the love is deep and abiding. Like Sorcha, he is my Last Husband, as far as I know and I am grateful for him.

Thanks for asking, Ebbie. Great stories!

kat


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 05:53 PM

I am still in the honeymoon of my relationship with Lynsey and have been for almost two years. It just gets better and better every time we see each other as both of us work away she does 3 weeks on and 3 weeks off and I work as and when required. I think I have seen Lynsey for about 20 days since the end of April this year which isnt a lot. The good thing is getting to know her all over again after being apart for a good while. It gets harder being away everytime, especially when I thought it would get easier but no it is definetly harder.
Even now I still write her poems, send her love letters and every time she comes home I always buy her a bunch of flowers as its something that I have always done so it's a kind of tradition between us.
I also find that the one thing you need is to be the best of friends and we are. I never thought that I could get a new best friend as my best man to be has known me for 25years and he is my best male friend but Lynsey and I are closer than that bond. Isn't that wierd though I mean that amount of time and look what happens in the space of a day. I have heard people mentioning their other half and I used to take it as just a figure of speech but now I know that its a knowing that I wouldnt be complete without her.
As for the one marriage I'm all for that. When I get married it will only be once and for life.

If we are separated from each other by heaven and earth
no one could replace for us what the other is worth

Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 05:59 PM

Back off, guys! I don't want any phone numbers. There are only a few things that terrify me more than the prospect of getting "bushwhacked" again by some fair maiden... :-)

Let's see...um...nuclear war? Not too likely, so why worry about it? Being destitute? Well, I am working at avoiding that in various ways...so far so good. A painful and debilitating disease? Well, let's hope not. Getting really, really old? Nothing much I can do about that if I don't die young. Blindness? Oooo, that would be nasty. Having my hands chopped off by a milling machine? Again, not too likely. Being torn apart by wild dogs? Highly unlikely. Grizzly bear attack? Well, that's why I don't go hiking in the rockies much with a bunch of raw hamburger strapped on my back...

Y' see, the really scary thing about the danger of being "bushwhacked" by the fair ones is it can happen anywhere, anytime, in the most mundane of circumstances, when you least expect it. These fair maidens are clever and very imaginative, each one is a unique case, and you never know when the next one may catch you totally unawares!

Ha! Ha! And to think that once they were all that I could dream of...this life has got to be some kind of joke on me. I can't wait to hear the punch line when I finally check out of Earthly existence for a bit of rest and rehab in the spiritual regions.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Deckman
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 06:52 PM

Little Hawk ... Yes, you are absolutly right. I should NOT give you any phone numbers! Bob


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: harvey andrews
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 07:08 PM

I met her and didn't notice her, I was talking to her sister. Then I got a card and didn't realise it was from her, so I ignored it. (it was too oblique..you know the one..women think their signal is obvious and we men don't see it at all). So she wrote later to apologise and then I twigged who it was and invited her to come and stay for a weekend...guest room of course. I was a single parent at the time. I met her at the railway station in my one and only suit (to make a good impression you understand, haven't worn a suit since) Everybody went past me and there she was walking towards me dressed in her very best "I'm meeting a folkie" clothes. Shawl, jeans and trainers.
I looked and thought "Oh my God, she's just.....beautiful"
Took her for a meal at a local country restaurant and knew before the main course that this was it. That was 20 years ago.
It's still it.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 07:49 PM

I think knowing is partly merely deciding. You make up your mind, you know. I don't mind saying I decided my wife was the one for me, because then I've at least made one good long-term decision.

   At the time I met my wife I had a lot of prospects. Most guys I know have a period of time when this happens, when they are interesting, and none know why or what it is.* At the time, all the various enchantments of beautiful young women were beginning to disgust me, a little, at the fringes of my utter susceptibility. I wanted one best friend, who I could also sleep with, and she showed up at the right time and place. Unfortunately it was also the wrong time and place, but that's all right, now.

*The three times in my life a woman has sought to pick me up I was wearing the same shirt. I told my wife about this, and can't find the magic shirt. Sigh. Even when you're severely married it's a kick for someone to like you.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 08:28 PM

Fred:

Your wife took your magic shirt? Seems a bit extreme, but on the other hand why were you still wearing it around?? Can't say you weren't asking for it! :><))
\

A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 09:09 PM

My God, Harvey, that is a great story! You people amaze me, you really do. Here I was thinking it only happened like that in books and movies...

Keep them good stories comin' folks! I may not be one of the club, but it sure is inspiring hearing these happy tales.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sorcha
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 10:06 PM

Well, LH, in some ways it is like the movies. Sometimes you just know. When Brian asked my dad, he said "Ask her mother". Mom was beating chocolate cake batter and turned around w/o turning off the mixer (cake batter all over everywhere) and said "YES! It's about time". I swear, my parents loved him more than I do.

But, the movies don't show the hard times, sometimes for months or years on end that require a true committment to each other and the kids, if any. We've had some terrible fights but nobody EVER has hit anybody else or ever moved out. We both have gone for some long drives though.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 10:08 PM

It's gonna happen any day.....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Deckman
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 11:40 PM

By the wayt Kat ... that's quite a beautiful and wonderful story. Thanks for posting it. Bob


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Marion
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 01:29 AM

Hey Fred... any chance your wife is wearing the magic shirt when you're not around? :)

Marion


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 03:53 AM

Well, we got to know each other in 1968 on a student tour of the US when we were both dating other people. We started going out with each other after we got back to the UK and the other relationships broke up,we were separated for a time by jobs in different cities. Then I got a job in London late in 1969 and we married in December 1970. I KNEW when I discovered she had the 78 of Lonnie Donegan's Rock Island Line.SHE says she admired the extent of my repertoire though she's always been disappointed in my performance of it!


RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 04:14 AM

In 1978, aged 38, I had abandoned all hope to find a matching mate. So had my former bride, aged 33.
I saw her first at a students' meeting, where she was brought to a dance by a girl friend. Since she sat on the opposite side of the dancing hall I had no chance to engage her in time because she was beleaguered by a lot of dancers.
Next morning there was an open air dixie session and I managed to get a place on her side. We talked a little about ourselves, how we liked to have children, and when I opened my eyes a while later I noticed that we were still kissing.
72 days later we were married (good infantry training: when you see a good chance, attack!), and next week we will have our silver anniversary.

Wilfried


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 04:28 AM

Oh god, my maths! I was 35.

Wilfried


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 08:40 AM

I met my wife Ruth in bible study, where we usually ended up sitting next to each other. We really started to get to know each other when a total stranger approached her where she worked at Filene's department store, filled with anxiety because she had just been told that she had cancer. She came to the mall where my wife was working at the time, and approached my wife and said that God had put my wife in her path. At the time, my wife had a line of other people to wait on, so she couldn't talk with the woman. But, the woman felt that my the woman who was to become my wife could give her comfort, and wouldn't give up. Finally, she handed my wife a slip of paper with her address on it, and asked my wife to write to her. Somehow, even though my wife an I hardly knew each other, she felt that I could write a letter to the woman, and I did. It was a hard letter to write, as I had never met the woman, and my wife didn't know who she was, either. Because of that letter, we realized that both of us had been committed to visiting the sick for most of our lives. The following week, I asked the woman who was to become my wife if she wanted to go visit the sick with me, and she agreed. It wasn't until then that I even found out her last name. Our first "date," was visiting a 98 year old bed-ridden woman (who has since passed away,) and two other people in the hospital. After our visits, I took my wife out to dinner, and then we walked along the beach under a full moon, shining over the ocean. Then I took her for a strawberry sundae, and took her home. That was on a Friday night. That Sunday morning, my Mother called to tell me that my Father had just died, and I went to church, deeply shaken. After church, my to-be wife came with me to call my Mother, and when my Mother said, "I hate to call and tell you this, when you're all alone," I said, "I'm not alone any more, Mom" and wrapped my arms around the woman I had gone out with for the first time less than 48 hours earlier. And I knew I would marry her. And I did. Two days ago we celebrated our 5th Anniversary.

Jerry


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Deda
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 12:57 PM

A little over nine years ago my friend Mary wrote me a wonderful rhyming letter asking me to come visit her and her then-mate, Larry, at their ranch on the western slope of Colorado, near Paonia, for the 4th of July weekend. She said that a friend of Larry's was going to be there and she thought I'd like him. So I rented a car and made the 5-hour drive to Crawford, Co, to a ranch with a fabulous view of mountains and rock formations and the grand mesa. Larry's old pal, David, was then living in Morgantown, WVa, and when Larry had called to invite him, David had said, No, he couldn't come. Larry had pleaded and cajoled, and David said No. Larry offered to pay the plane fare, David said No. Larry said, "Mary has a friend she'd like you to meet." David says that he meant to say "no", but he opened his mouth and "Yes" came out.
So there we both were and when I first saw him I thought he was very handsome (he still is). He reminded me of the Chelminski brothers, a family of dashing fellows who lived in the town where I grew up. And the four of us together (Mary, Larry, David and I) just had a long weekend of laughing, singing, hiking, laughing, eating Mary's fabulous cooking, and laughing.
When I drove away, David says he felt immediately homesick. A month later he came to visit me in Maine, where I used to go in August (a long, sad story). He stayed a week, and we were unofficially engaged by the end of it. But he was still living in WVa and I was in Boulder. We talked every day, visited back and forth. The following summer he moved to Boulder with all his worldly goods, and the summer after that we had a fabulous wedding, with Amos presiding. We just celebrated our 7th anniversary a couple of weeks ago.
Even though we had each gone through our own slightly off-beat spiritual paths, the thing that we started doing together during that visit in Maine, and that we've done all along, was pray. He says we pray to the same God -- which is an all-inclusive, all-loving energy. We pray together almost every night before we go to sleep. We never go to any kind of services, and we very rarely read any spiritual or religious books together, but we have a daily ritual which keeps us on the same page. That isn't to say that everything is always perfect; I'm a slob and he's a neatnik, I'm very family-oriented and he isn't. But we are very, very happy together. And I'm constantly grateful that we came together. And Mary knows that I'll be in debt to her until pigs fly and hell freezes over.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 02:10 PM

Geeze, Deda has it really only been 7 years? It seems five times that long! Sure was a fun wedding!

I think the pigs are waiting for hell to freeze over first, before they reveal they have always been able to fly but were keeping it secret. Flying over flames makes them...well, nervous, ya know. :>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Deda
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 04:53 PM

Gee, it doesn't seem that long to me. Maybe I've been having more fun.
;^>

Deda


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 04:55 PM

I saw her coming from a darkened stairway at a place called "PHOTON" (an arena laser tag game). At first I thought it was one of my female cousins and was a little puzzled at why they would be there, so far from home. As she came closer I was smitten. We talked for awhile and had several games in the arena. Then I lost her. I went to PHOTON every night for two weeks (turns out she was recovering from broken ribs that she received the night I met her, a big marine accidentally ran her down in the arena). That second night she was surrounded by friends, mostly male. I didn't think I had a chance and her girlfriend said she was already seeing someone else. Surprisingly she asked me along when the group decided to go to a local beach. They took turns throwing each other in the water. When it was my turn she held my wallet and good leather belt as they threw me in. She was the only one who hadn't gotten the baptism and when I mentioned it she said "well what are you going to do about it". I took her in my arms and holding her to my dripping self gave her a good kiss. Then we picked her up and threw her in. It seems we both knew the first night. It's been fifteen years and two children.
As the song says, Some days are diamonds, some days are stones. But as another song says "one and one don't make two, one and one make one.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Grab
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 08:11 PM

Renting a room in a dingy shared house one Easter vac at uni, working at my sponsor company to get a bit more cash. One week in, Emma turned up. I had a room upstairs, she had a room downstairs. I think it was about 2 days later we knew we couldn't keep away from each other, and 3 weeks later until I asked her to marry me.

At the time, I was in the 2nd year of a 4-year uni course, and Emma was starting uni later that year. She was a later starter at uni, as she'd basically being shut away looking after her dad for some time until he'd died the previous year (and I'm still horrified that the rest of her family expected her to sign away those years like that). Anyway, we either got married then or we waited until after uni. It would have been sensible to wait until after uni... so we got married then. :-) Well actually we got married that Christmas, as that was the soonest we could get things together. My folks knew we were very serious, but they didn't expect that, especially since they'd only seen her for about 5 minutes that summer! They took it pretty badly to start with, and I don't like digging my heels in with family and friends, but it all worked out in the end. Coming up to 8 years this year, and we still can't keep away from each other (just being away for 2 weeks on business is painful).

I've never been one for going out on the pull - I'd always believed in waiting for it being right (and still do), although I suppose had I had the chance then I would have succumbed. ;-) But Emma was the first serious girlfriend I'd had. Success first time out, I guess! Curiously, since we got married I know at least one girl who I was good friends with and with whom I felt there could have been something, but a long-term *true* love gets much more intense than that so there's no chance I would ever give that up. However, in light of that, I do think there's more than one person that's right for you - if I hadn't met Emma, it would have been someone else, some other time, and the same for her. It's just that as Billy Connolly says "It's in the last place you look. Well of course it is. When you've found it, you bloody well stop looking, don't you?!"

Graham.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 11:38 PM

Good logic there.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 11:59 PM

Did I miss something? Amos presiding? Is Amos a minister/county judge/naval officer? How can this be legal? ;-) Do tell.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Deckman
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 12:06 AM

Graham ... I really enjoyed your story and the telling of that story. There is a song there ... do you hear it? Bob


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 02:50 PM

I just came across this little tale, and I believe it should be added to this thread...

How I met my wife
by Jack Winter
Published 25 July 1994 - The New Yorker


It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.

I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.

I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it since I was travelling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.

Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.

So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads and tails of.

I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated -- as if this were something I was great shakes at -- and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.

Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d'oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.

She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. "What a perfect nomer," I said, advertently. The conversation become more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 03:03 PM

What a heartening tale, LH!! I feel less downlifted already. In fact I am mayed!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 04:49 PM

YOUR ALL MAD. Iv been married32 years and i firmly believe its a bad idea...Men and women were never meant to be monogamus and i bet if everyone was to be brutally honest theres alot of sadness out there.The young folks idea of living to gether and not making a big deal of it seems sensible....Most marriages are all about control.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 05:12 PM

Well akenaton, I can see it's done nothing for your spelling or grammar...........

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amergin
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 05:35 PM

well if you see that you should not be monogamous...then that is your affair....


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 05:41 PM

Well, I disagree with Akenaton, but I often wonder if Katharine Hepburn wasn't right when she said that men and women should just live next door to each other and visit once in awhile. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 06:04 PM

Im sorry about the spelling catspaw.I dont think Im up to the standard of some of you old hands.But i feel strongly about this subject so give me a break ....Cheers ake


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 10:10 PM

Hey akenaton:

We all speak for ourselves, as we're the ones we know best. People who've had marriages that were a nightmare sometimes jump to the conclusion that ALL marriages are a nightmare. People who've had marriages that have allowed them to transcend their ordinariness and find a richness they could never know on their own sometimes glamorize marriage, as if anyone who hasn't had a beautiful one is somehow lacking in grace. I've had both... a first marriage that was a nightmare that would scare the crap out of Stephen King and a second marriage that makes fairy tales about princes and princesses sound mundane. I guess it's fair to say that marriages are like everything else. It depends on what TWO people make of them. Some people may not be cut out for marriage. It's best that they never try, then. But, some of us have been blessed beyond all measure. And, blessed is the right word... no sense being prideful about a good marriage... it is a blessing, not an accomplishment..

Blissful Jerry


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 11:27 PM

Well, Ake, I've been monogamous and I've been promiscuous, and, in my considered opinion, monogamous is better.

You make it sound like you are living one thing and espousing a different one, though. What's the deal?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ely
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 11:37 PM

(Speaking without much experience either way) promiscuity sounds pretty miserable to me. I can't picture being involved with someone I didn't *really* like as an individual.

That said, I'll just keep checking back periodically, looking for pointers ;-) . "Oh, you'll meet someone," is one of the few counts on which my mother was ever mistaken. (I'm working on trying to get out more, rather than spending all my time either at home or at work; I suppose one of the first steps would be to trade in some of my Mudcat time . . . )


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Helen
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 12:26 AM

Ely,

I went to a tarot card reader when I was 30 and he told me all sorts of things, but didn't mention relationships, so when he said "any questions?" I asked whether I would ever find someone to get into a healthy, committed, long term relationship with (as opposed to the experiences I had had so far). He said that I would meet this person when I was 42.

I said, "Twelve ye-e-e-ears??!!" Yup, that was his answer.

Well, that day that I wrote about above was the weekend before my 42nd birthday.

I'll admit that I wrote my account above very drily, without much emotion but that totally belies the emotions I was feeling on that day. The days, weeks, months and even couple of years which followed that when we were still amazed at having finally found this wonderful, all-encompassing relationship were full of emotion. I just tend to keep that stuff to myself a bit. I'll relate the facts but get very reluctant to go into details about the emotions.

One thing that kept occurring to me throughout that time was: why didn't someone tell me what this would be like? Why didn't someone give me the criteria for differentiating between the wrong ones and the right one(s)?

I'd felt intense emotions before for someone else, but usually panic, anxiety and other fearful feelings were mixed up in there too. Whenever I talked to my Mum about finding the "right" person she always said how she "knew" when she met Dad that he was "the one" and I could never get more info than "you'll know when you meet the right one" out of her. It turned out that this was true, but it was a bit of a circular argument trying to know whether I had felt something yet when I didn't have proper, repeatable criteria to base my conclusions on. Needless to say I spent a lot of years - nearly 30 of them in fact - going through emotional hell before I found out what I was looking for.

I can highly recommend a book called Searching for Courtship by Dr Winnifred Cutler for getting some of that criteria figured out and for helping to work out strategies to navigate through the obstacle course called relationships. She is a scientist not a pop-pschologist, but she has managed to create a lot of controversy about her observations. Challenges a lot of theories and sets up a whole new lot as well. The thing is, though, it works.

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: LadyJean
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 12:42 AM

My mother was 34, and a fund raiser at a women's college. She went to a houseparty in Ligonier, with some other singles. One of her women friends called her, and explained how the guests were supposed to be paired off. Mother wasn't happy about it.
Mom was verbal. People have a nasty habit of pairing verbal women with non verbal men. It is not pleasant to have to hold up both sides of the conversation, but that was what mother expected to have to do.
She was waiting for a complete nerd, with no verbal skills.
Suddenly, there he was, standing in a doorway. He looked like a darker version of Liam Neeson, without the broken nose, and he could talk! Mom always said she knew from the minute she saw him. I always think she knew from the minute she heard him.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 08:03 AM

Well, I think it may have JUST HAPPENED for me...

There was this young lady that I worked with a few years ago that I had a "thing" for, being the term you use for a crush when you are 33 years old. She was involved with someone (engaged, actually) so I just admired from afar. She ended up getting married, and then moved to a neighboring province here in Canada.

A few weeks back, I found out through a mutual friend that she is now single again. I was able to get her email address and advise that my acoustic duo was playing in a city about 15 miles from where she is. She responded back that she would love to make it there, and that she was very pleased to hear from me..

Well, the show was this past weekend. Although we were only able to talk for about 15-20 mins after the show, we have spoken on the phone for at least two hours per day since then, and she is coming to visit next week, and due to fortunate (pre-existing) bookings and vacation plans, we will be able to see each other every two weeks or so for the next few months... Before we re-connected, she had already talked to friends and family about the possibility of moving back to this city, so I am hoping to be the reason it happens :)

Brian.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 08:34 AM

Thanks LH, yes I saw that when it ran in the New Yorker and have been quoting the bits I could remember.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 08:43 AM

Aww, Brian, I'm rootin' for ya. Thanks for the heartwarmer! :>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 09:06 AM

Thanks Amos... though I hope I just didn't jinx it by TELLING HER I JUST PUT THE STORY HERE!!!! Arrgh!!!

And don't worry, I'm sure you'll find your significant-someone-or-other -- if there's hope for me, there's hope for everyone!!!

Brian.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 09:17 PM

Thanks!! I'll keep that in mind! :>) I have someone in mind, actually, who's been hanging around my place a lot for the last 25 years. Claims I fathered a child on her , 18 years ago, and that I have to take responsibility!! The nerve....but, ya know, I am not very confrontational, so I have been letting her stay here, and use my checking account, and giving her my pay check and we seem to get along okay. So maybe she's the one, huh? Barky seems to like her, too...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 06:41 PM

Okay, I'm going to throw another wrench into the gears. How many of you have ever met someone, either a romantic partner or a close friend, that you're sure you met before in some other time or place?


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 10:22 PM

I have, for one.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:37 AM

At a breakfast table at a festival last August...

30th December 2003


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:38 AM

whoops 2002


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 09:38 AM

Lynne and I determined that she had sat directly in front of me at a specific performance of The Crucible a few weeks before we met. I remembered proximity to a beautiful hippy girl, she remembered a very distinguished dark gentleman--I was with my dad.

I used to develop more than a thousand rolls of film and the prints every night, and don't have deja-vu anymore. I've seen everyone, everywhere. I printed that stuff you thought you might get in trouble for. Please tell me, guys, after you take a whole roll of your girl naked in the bath, why does she always take that one blurry shot of your dopey face at the last frame?


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 10:02 AM

I was thinking more along the lines of..... "I met this person when I was with William the Conqueror in 1066."

Although..... it is funny sometimes when you talk to someone, and find out you have both been at the same place at the same time & didn't know it.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 02:08 PM

Oh. I was Leonardo Da Vinci, struggling with my sfumato technique, she was the Mona Lisa looking back at me with that stupid superior smile of hers.

Seriously, I seem to remember "recognizing" her when I met her. But memory is tricky. Now whenever I remember us backpacking and hitch-hiking out west, our kids seem to be tramping along with us, or hovering, like little winged putti.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:11 PM

Does close count? When I returned from service in Korea I would have been on the same plane from Seattle as the lady I married if she hadn't snapped up a chance on an earlier flight that had an empty seat. She says she would have even sat with me (and I would have been brilliant company, as I remember sleeping the whole way home).


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 12:33 AM

Sure, I think close counts. :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Deckman
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 12:46 AM

Hi Kim C ... No, I'm NOT going to go into the boogie boogie world of wherein you bespeaketh! However, "bride Judy" and I have known each other for far longer than we remember. Really! When we courted, about nine years ago, we discovered that we knew all the same friends, the same friend's songs, we could relate stories about particuliar hoots we had both attended, yet we didn't really remember each other in those days. I was very married, and she was very single. So neither of us was looking for trouble. But, now that we are together, we often just shake out heads about the close contact we'd had all those years without knowing it. The first hoot we had, after we married, was the largest collection of folksingers in the Pacific Nothwest ever. And it was because we knew everyone in common! Go figure !!!!! Bob


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:28 PM

What great stories. The interesting thing is that what comes through the most clearly is the inevitability of each
relationship. Makes one wonder whether everything is scripted- somewhere and by someone or something. Any ideas on that thought?


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Deda
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:53 PM

1. Yes, I've met a few people that I felt sure I'd known before.
2. Amos performs marriages often, has done many of them -- usually in California. I'm thrilled that he performed mine.

OTOH, here in Colorado anyone can preside, or no one. A couple can legally just declare themselves to be married, and the state recognizes it. They have to sign papers and file them, but they don't need a judge or a minister or anybody.

Scripted might be too anthropomorphic. David and I both felt very strongly guided to each other.

Monogamy is no great sacrifice if you have a genuine partnership, imo.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 12:55 AM

When I said Mister and I met by accident... his brother was having a cookout, and was going to introduce me to someone who had to work at the last minute and consequently didn't show up. And my roommate was saying, don't look now, but that guy's looking at you.

Sometimes you meet somebody, though, either a friend or a lover, where there's some strange unexplainable click.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: DMcG
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 05:03 AM

My wife and I celebrate 25 years married in September. While its not fully accurate for our story, I think the FIddler on the Roof version isn't too far out.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 06:57 AM

Is this a cutting edge folk site or a Darby and Joan club...
Where are all you Bohemian folkies that i used to know.We were all so proud of being free thinking independant types...I feel so depressed
    Alex


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 09:59 AM

"Cutting edge folk site"? Bit of an anachronistic oxymoron, wouldn't you say?

Hey man, free thinking, independent, yeah. But just a bit better organized than thirty years ago, by necessity. Cheer the fuck up. Time moves on.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:00 AM

That's funny Akenaton, and I know how you feel. But the point of free thinking is that you don't have to prove it to anyone. When people talk about "the institution of marriage" I tell them we thought it was our idea.

   Deda that's how it used to be--long ago marriage was the only sacrament that didn't require clergy, and painters used to get portrait commissions to document the moment. That would work for me, if it came back.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:23 AM

Kim,

I have met perrhaps ten or twelve people in the course of a lifetime about whom I had the distinct impression that I was wuith them at the Battle of Hastings or somethiung comparable. Sometimes it is perfectly clear exactly when. Usually it is merely an obscured impression, albeit a strong one.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:25 AM

Fred I like your style...the black clouds are lifting.Maybe weve just got old as Amos says,butI still think that all the music we love espouses freedom and liveing life to the full(Think of allthe Thompson songs like Beeswing ect) Love should be short and very sweet,even better,   Bitter sweet....Thanks for your support. Ake.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:02 AM

Who are Darby and Joan? Besides, a lot of folk music is written about relationships. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 12:44 PM

A Victorian image of an old, quiet, harmonious couple, based on a poem by Frederic Edward Weatherly (b. 1848)

 

Darby and Joan



 
DARBY dear, we are old and gray,
Fifty years since our wedding day,
Shadow and sun for every one
As the years roll on;
Darby dear, when the world went wry,

Hard and sorrowful then was I—
Ah! lad, how you cheered me then,
Things will be better, sweet wife, again!
Always the same, Darby my own,
Always the same to your old wife Joan.

Darby, dear, but my heart was wild
When we buried our baby child,
Until you whispered "Heav'n knows best!"
And my heart found rest;
Darby, dear, 't was your loving hand
Showed the way to the better land—
Ah! lad, as you kiss'd each tear,
Life grew better, and Heaven more near:
Always the same, Darby my own,
Always the same to your old wife Joan.

Hand in hand when our life was May,
Hand in hand when our hair is gray,
Shadow and sun for every one,
As the years roll on;
Hand in hand when the long night-tide
Gently covers us side by side—
Ah! lad, though we know not when,
Love will be with us forever then:
Always the same, Darby, my own,
Always the same to your old wife Joan.

 Regards,


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 01:49 PM

That was brilliant Amos..allthough I knew about the story of D+J,I didnt realise that there was a poem...We should be honest about our relationships...Women like a challenge, they latch on to all the wild men and try to change them...If they succeed they are pissed off because their left with a mammys boy..The most important thing to us men is of course sex and any man who tells you he loves committment and all that stuff is either lying through his teeth, or been got at by some control freak with big boobs....Any way i could go on forever in this vein so ill go before the monsterous ranks descend. P S I wonder if Gargoyle would help me in this one man war against the sugary cake and syrup machine...Ake


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: rock chick
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 06:09 PM

We meet through Mudcat, he replied to one of my threads, we just talked over the cat for a time, then over the phone, we decided to meet and within less than 15 mins we knew there was something VERY special. Initially there were few problems with other people, but nothing has put either of us off.

It's very strange to think you can have that strange unexplainable click with that person in such a very short time, and know its special, but it does happen, and when it does hit you, WOW its one hell of a feeling.

We have only been seeing each other since November 02 and it gets stronger each time we meet, and grows even more when we are apart, he lives up north and me down south. He is the love of my life, and i know im am his.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Helen
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 07:55 PM

akenaton,

I found my freedom when I found the right person for me.

I had been in a previous relationship where we clicked in all the most negative ways, and it was very painful once we were entangled together, and extremely difficult in the aftermath, for many years after. I realised that an effective way to gauge the healthiness of a relationship is to look at how each person affects the other one. Right from the start we really brought out the negatives in each other.

When I found my then-to-be-future hubby we clicked in very, very positive ways. We bring out the best in each other. And it is a real relief to be myself, be appreciated for that, and be able to encourage someone else to be the best he can be too.

It's a strange paradox, that the most freedom anyone can get IMHO is to become committed to someone else, if that someone else loves and appreciates you for who you really are.

Helen

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 09:03 PM

heehee! I'm glad a man finally admitted that thing about What Men REALLY Want. Of course, if you have a good committed relationship, in the best of all worlds, you would be able to get It most of the time, with someone you like. That ain't too bad of a deal. But of course, Real Life usually enters into it somewhere, and kids, and work, and all that. But still, I say, it ain't too bad of a deal. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Helen
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:41 PM

Kim C,

I watched a good movie recently called High Fidelity, with John Cusack. In the special extra material on the DVD there was an interview with John and he said that he thought that only men would like the movie and that women would hate it. But, many women have said to him that they are happy that at last men have made a movie about what they really want, and how they really feel.

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 12:01 AM

Interesting. I would offer that men really want to have their best brought out of them, and admired, by women. And may be for some men, that's their sex, for others it is a mix of brains, sex and emotion, and I guess what that means for men is an individual deal. Heterosexual men, anyway, not being qualified to speak to other sorts.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amergin
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 02:14 AM

If I just wanted sex i'd go hire a prostitute...I want companionship...some one to talk to...laugh with...to share things with...like susnets or beaches...


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Helen
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 05:42 AM

I might have given the impression that the movie High Fidelity just shows men wanting sex and not real relationships. The clue is that John Cusack is in it. It's actually quite a good depiction of a real man (not a Hollywood caricature) searching for a real relationship and coming to terms with the complexities of the quest for true communication between men and women in relationships.

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Peter T.
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 06:05 PM

The only thing true to life about High Fidelity or the rest of Nick Hornby is that the men he depicts are recognizeable aspects of intelligent single middle class men at their worst. Like Bridget Jones -- intelligent single middle class women recognise themselves at their worst. They wouldn't be funny caricatures if they were more realistic.

yours,

Peter T.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 06:23 PM

I think youre all rather missing the point. Marriage was brought about To provide society with the means to control people. This is why politicians are still banging on about "family values". Iv been married for a long time ,and as I near the great finishing line,Iv come to realise that life is short and should be packed with as many new experiences as possible. I know couples who have melded together and become quite insulated from life, living in their own safe little world. (Darby + Joan).I feel our Traditional music is full of song s about people who lived life on the edge. Free as the air, and taking their pleasures where they could.....That should be the ideal not some mouldy compromise.    Ake..


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM

Thanks Akenaton, I'm not hating my style, lately, as much as I usually do.

It seems to me that the "family values" people go on about are more or less the ones invented by rather hypocritical 19th century English moralists.

But I'm still liking my deal, very much. For one thing, I'm quitting my job soon, and she's making some real money this year. For another, she laughs at my jokes. For another, other women are cute as hell, but they smell wrong. It's not that I'm not utterly charmed, but it's not worth all the trouble. Couldn't they all just mail me some nude photos, and write me a letter? I have things to do.

   We sometimes think it would help to marry a third person though. Or adopt a kid with good prospects, who can cook, has a lot of energy, likes to "keep busy". (Turns out there's a waiting list.)Also, with new people there's all that insecurity crap, all that tending, and sensitivity. I'm done with that chore. My wife was telling me about her boss's age, and said But she still looks youthful, she's attractive, and I said Sure, I'd do her. Lynne just said Well, Yeah--like that was any mark of distinction--and went right on talking.

Sex has always been pretty important to me. But it's a myth that people are just bad, good, and better. Maybe some people are really terrible, but maybe that's just how they are with you. One person with any talent has lots of variety.

Women like to think they're sensitive, on the basis that they want YOU to be sensitive to THEM. That's not sensitivity. The really sensitive women are the sluts. They're the ones who think of other people's feelings. Every kind, generous, decent woman has a slutty phase, sometime. If you know one who hasn't had a slutty phase, or if you are a nice woman who hasn't, just wait.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:03 PM

Akneton:

Choose the ideal you like, mate; but allow others the same privelege, eh? There's nothing enforced about family values IF you are choosing the path freely and creating it intentionally as a preference. The assertion that your life should be other than you have lived it is just you being disagreeable with your self and resisting your own design decisions. I know very well what that feels like, and I agree it can be compelling (at least until you spot where it is coming from!). But it shouldn't be confused with a higher truth!! :>)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:09 PM

Amos....Awa tae yer knitting...


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:25 PM

Ake, if I felt that way, I'd be long gone. Come to think of it, I am.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:43 PM

Good for you Ebbie..Short and sweet...Familiarity breeds complacency.. Rave on...Best Wishes A.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 12:05 AM

Akenaton:

I have more than knitting to away to, thanks. No need to get personal.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 01:22 AM

ake, I'm sorry- I think I didn't make it clear. I meant that if I felt that way about my marriage (or anything else) I'd be long out of it. And then of course, it occurred to me that I had felt like that about my marriage and I did leave. OTOH, I realize there can be other factors that keep a relationship going.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 08:55 AM

Sorry Amos,I didnt mean to be personal. Its an old Scottish insult only used to friends and people you like.    As for the marriage Question, iv had a wee think and maybe an age limit for taking out a marriage license (like a motor car) would be a good thing.   I would suggest --Over 75......When all you want is somebody to warm your feet on.    And another thing... this thread is one of the most interesting on the Forum at the moment and shouldnt be addressed in cliches      Best wishes Alex...


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Jeanie
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 12:15 PM

Which way does your over 75 age limit work, akenaton ? Is it that once you reach 75 you have to re-apply and be approved by a government department ? Or is it that nobody should be allowed to get married until they are over 75 ? (I favour the latter option !!)

- jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 01:51 PM

Oh, sorry -- I didn't recognize the colloquialism. I will say this: bringing children up on an unstable social footing, not knowing where or who their parents are, is a serious disservice to many chi9ldren. Some of them meet the challenge, but others are dinged significantly by it.

So if your scheme involves bringing kids up in a musical chairs environment, I would say we should go back to the drawing board. My 2 cents' woirth anyway -- have you raised children, yourself?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 02:55 PM

Youve got the right idea Jeanie...Unfortunately all the wrinklies would be jumping over cliffs the day before their 75th....Amos iv four boys ,all grown and who knows if weve made agood job of them or not.Personally I think kids grow up as"society" wants them to,not as their parents would like.As i think you generalise too much,Ill tell you a wee story about a woman who lived next door when i was young.   She had six children all by different fathers and when asked to marry she always said "No man will rule me". the children were loved more than any others in our area by their mother and certainly returned that love . they all grew up well adjusted and did fine in life.    Iv also seen kids suffer terribly in "bad " marriages...Ake


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 03:20 PM

I actually DO have knitting to do! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:01 PM

LOL Fred! You kill me!


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:06 PM

Ebbie you are confusing the beejeezus out of me with your first and last posts. Did you launch the opener with the sequel in mind?


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:20 PM

Well duh now I see the teaser was in the opeing verse. So the major question for me would become, what was the first moment when I knew WHAT? Because I have learned an awful lot since the first moment I thought I knew something.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:33 PM

Sorry, Guestheric. My question was meant as "how soon did you KNOW that THIS is the one"?


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:48 PM

I was at my desk at work, looked up and saw this man striding through the office. His posture was perfect and simply radiated confidence; he also a headful of black curly hair and the merriest eyes. I was 18 and captivated. He was married and in his mid-forties. A few years later he was divorced and we began dating. I moved in and after spending a year talking about everything under the sun we decided we knew enough about each other to marry. I'm now middle-aged and he's in the twilight of life. His remaining hair is white and one eye is clouded with a cateract but it doesn't matter. When I look at him the years fall away. His eyes still twinkle and it's wonderful to be caught up in his arms, dancing to the kitchen radio.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 05:10 PM

My confusion, though, memberEbbie, came from the way you refer to "The One" as someone you left in the dust, as if number two was never contemplated. (Which is fine, of course. Just surprised me.)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 07:46 PM

Is this why my wife has started introducing me to people as her "first" husband?


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 01:56 PM

When I get me a handle it may be Threadkiller. I wasn't trying to put you on the spot or hit a nerve I hope you know. I just was making a joke about the next thread in the sequence, i.e. whether it would be "When did you KNOW it was the NEXT one" or "When did you KNOW he wasn't the one After All, or whatever. (The former is of some interest to me, in fact. I face the "choice" of LH's loving life versus loving number two, with the demographics predicting a 50:50 split.)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 03:41 PM

Well, I would venture to say that sometimes one person Knows and the other doesn't...


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:32 PM

Aaah, this is a thread for women and for men with delusions of self-determination!


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:53 PM

heric, I suppose the reason I referred only to my #1 is because I don't want there to be a #2. I don't regret marrying the first time- after all, I got a daughter out of it- but I'm better off single and I'm glad that I realized that long ago.

On the other hand, I love happy endings!


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: hesperis
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 11:38 PM

So far, the only "knowing" I've done is that the ones I was going out with weren't "the one". I guess that discernment is important as well, though.

There are, however, several friends who I know will be in my heart forever.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,Mishell Baker
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 01:45 AM

Hi... Looking over these stories I'm just amazed. I've never understood the "love at first sight thing," truly.

The first time I met my true love, I thought he was a dork. Didn't fall in love with him until we'd already been best friends for a year and I saw the fascinating person that lurked within his geeky exterior. By then he'd figured out I was way too immature to have a relationship with. So for six years we stayed friends, grew closer and closer and closer, and then finally he outgrew his Vulcan demeanor, I outgrew my selfishness, and his newfound passion met my newfound responsibility in just the right place. Also, he'd been working out. ;-)

We fell in blissful, mutual love. And the nine years of friendship, a friendship that survived even though we moved across country a total of six times between us, took our new passion and gave it a foundation so rock-solid that now I know nothing will ever tear us apart.

I never would have had the courage to commit to someone who hadn't already stuck through me through thick and thin, and loved me through some of the most shattering changes of my life.

-Mishell


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 02:20 PM

*sigh*

Follow up to earlier posting by me... I guess I didn't KNOW afterall, or at least she didn't... anyways, it didn't work out. No worries, I'll just have to change topic to When WILL you KNOW?

still a believer love can overcome you like a wet blanket,
Brian.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 06:48 PM

I don't suppose this will help !

My first love got in touch after 15 years. He says it was love at first sight for him. He had forgotten that after one night together we didn't see each other for three months, during which time he could have phoned me but didn't. Funny that.

He has also got a whole lot of other things wrong ... like where & how he proposed. And he thinks we were happy all the time we were together. It's quite funny. There must be 5 sides to every story !


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 03:04 PM

Looks like I've missed some good threads the last few months while my internet access has been severely limited.

We met right here in the Mudcat. Our first contact was in this thread. We spent the following year getting to know each other in IMs and on the phone. "Knowing" was a sort of gradual process, but I was pretty sure by the time he showed up at my door and we met face to face for the first time.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,Ms Guided
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 06:50 AM

Haven't yet or rather thought I might have,thought I knew and he did when he met someone else. C'est la vie


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 08:11 AM

We met here and talked online and by phone.

I knew when I was about to have a colonoscopy and she offered to come 750 miles and care for me. I declined the offer but I had a warm feeling for weeks afterward.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: McMusic
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 04:16 AM

Haven't. Doubt that I will.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Noreen
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 05:38 AM

Jack t S: wasn't the warm feeling caused by the colonoscopy?

(Sorry!)


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Mudcat time: 13 July 1:58 AM EDT

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