Lyr Req: Midge Song

Subject: Lyr Req: Midge Song
From: robinia
Date: 16 Aug 03 - 03:38 AM

Does anyone have the words to Sheila Douglas' "Midge Song" (sung to the tune of "Bonnie Dundee")?   It's a long, very funny story about an Englishman who tries living in the west of Scotland and finally flees south (down the A9), but not before the midges have acquired a real taste for his rich blood (at the end of the song, they're invading England in search of him).

Subject: Lyr Add: THE MIDGE SONG (Sheila Douglas)
From:
Date: 16 Aug 03 - 08:58 PM

I have this on my 'to do' list but having traded midges for mosquitoes I haven't got round to it yet

THE MIDGE SONG -- Sheila Douglas


Did ye hear o the settler wha cam tae the glen
An bocht the laird's castle for a wee but an ben
Pit in central heatin and painted it braw
But he couldnae get rid o the midges at aa
They bit aa his fingers, they bit aa his toes
They bit knees and elbows, they bit ears and nose
They bit every bit that the blighters could bite
An they kept up their bitin baith mornin an night

He tried creams and lotions o every kind
He tried every remedy that he could find
But it never detered them whene'er they zoomed in
Tho he even tried rubbin his hurdies wi gin
He scratched an he clawed, he clawed an he scratched
Till pairts o his body were soon needin patched
The midges came back an they bit him some more
An he clawed in some places he'd no clawed afore

He blew smoke upon them an sprayed them wi turps
But that only led to a few farts and burps
He couldnae get sleepin because o the itch
So he tried oot a spell that he got fae a witch
He cursed them all but an he cursed them all ben
He cursed them the lenghth an the breadth o the glen
He cursed them in Latin, Swahili and Dutch
But the midges spoke Gaelic an didnae care much

When his posh freens cam northward tae fish an tae shoot
They hardly got started when they had tae scoot
The midges cam in, in their battle formations
An the glen soon resounded wi loud exclamations
They ran thro the heather, they ran thro the gorse
The midges cam after them, out in full force
They ran roon in circles an in zig-zag lines
An last seen were headin strach doon the M9

The settler went back tae his posh but an ben
An sat doon an thocht whit he could dae then
As he doctored his midge bites wi a bottle o malt
He lamented his fate, felt it wisnae his fault
But he up sticks an left on the very next train
An swore he'd no come tae the Hielans again
But the midges were mournin all thro the pinewoods
For they'd voted the settler their favourite food

So it's no more forever noo doon in the glen
For strange are the ways o midges an men
They set off in dozens stracht doon the M1
Tae seek oot that settler wha'd gien them such fun
They socht him in Yorkshire, they socht him in Kent
They asked aa the bees an wasps which way he went
One day he'll wake up all bitten an sore
An he'll never get rid o those midges no more.

Jack

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Midge Song
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 01:31 PM

I don't see the words to Kenneth McKellar's " Midges Song " anywhere on Mudcat.

I have them, and if they haven't in fact been posted yet I will put them up here.

Murray

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Midge Song
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 07:36 AM

where can lyrics of Kenneth Mckellar's Midgie Song

Subject: Lyr Add: THE MIDGES (Kenneth McKellar)
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 08:25 AM

The Midges

Sung by Kenneth McKellar

Chorus
The midges, the midges, I'm no gonnae kid ye's,
The midges is really the limit,
Wi teeth like pirhanas, they drive ye bananas,
If ye let them get under yer simmit!

The Lord put the Garden of Eden on earth,
And it's north of the Tweed, we believe,
Ay, Scotland's the place, and the whole human race,
Started off with MacAdam and Eve!
In six days or under, he finished this wonder,
Except for the Forth and Tay Bridges,
Then always a bloke for a practical joke,
He made Scotland the home of the midges!

Chorus
The midges, the midges, I'm no gonnae kid ye's,
The midges is really the limit,
Wi teeth like pirhanas, they drive ye bananas,
If ye let them get under yer simmit!

Back in 1314, the proud Edward was keen,
To take Scotland into his care,
But he made a U-turn when he reached Bannockburn,
Just a few weeks before Glasgow Fair!
For the midges let loose by King Robert the Bruce,
Straight into the English they tore,
So they ran off in tears, and for six hundred years,
They've been blocking the A74!

Chorus
The midges, the midges, I'm no gonnae kid ye's,
The midges is really the limit,
Wi teeth like pirhanas, they drive ye bananas,
If ye let them get under yer simmit!

Now never forget, when the sun's going to set,
And the midges arise on Loch Eck,
Like the vampires you see, played by Christopher Lee,
They will give you a pain in the neck!
You can smack them and whack them; in vain you'll attack them,
For they know every move that you make,
If you manage to kill yin, another half million,
Are ready tae come tae the wake!

Chorus
The midges, the midges, I'm no gonnae kid ye's,
The midges is really the limit,
Wi teeth like pirhanas, they drive ye bananas,
If ye let them get under yer simmit!

Now Torquil the piper's a giant of a man,
With a sporran as long as your arm,
And in Oban he's known, for the sound of his drone,
And a pibroch of real highland charm!
But they're sighing and sobbing, the ladies of Oban,
For Torquil is not what he was,
Since a midge in Glenbranter got hold of his chanter,
And carried it off in its jaws!

Chorus
The midges, the midges, I'm no gonnae kid ye's,
The midges is really the limit,
Wi teeth like pirhanas, they drive ye bananas,
If ye let them get under yer simmit!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Midge Song
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 10:10 PM

You can see and hear Kenneth McKellar singing THE MIDGES at YouTube.

How do Highland midges compare with American mosquitoes?

It's been a bad year for them here in Minnesota.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Midge Song
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 03 Aug 11 - 10:11 AM

Thanks for posting two clever and enjoyable songs.

I must add that I've been to Scotland twice, both times in June, and wasn't bothered by midges. I'm sure they can be bad, but don't think they are inevitable.