Punch the Horse in September

Subject: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 04:21 AM

They are playing at
Sat 13th=Driffield Rugby Club
Sat20th=Durty Nellies, High Street, Hull
Fri 26th =Hope And Anchor South Ferriby.
Other local things =
tonight Session at Coach n Horses, Barton on Humber
, 1st Tuesday Folk Club at The Processed Pea, Etton.
Thursday=openining night of Folk Club at The Marlborough Club, Newstead Street, Hull, ALL welcome, starts at (pm.

There is loads of other local stuff happening, details will be posted soon, I think Cottingham Folk Club opens tomorow, after there summer break, anyone know for definet?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 05:22 AM

Don't know jOhn, I think they have a website somewhere.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Willa
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 02:41 PM

Cottingham Live will be at the new venue, the Northern Foods Social Club, Millhouse Woods Lane, Cottingham, from Wednesday September 10th.

It's easy to find; travelling along Northgate from Endyke Lane/Cottingham road area cross over the level crossing and it's the second turning on the right. The club is at the end of the lane and there is free parking. Hope to see some of you there.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 12:14 PM

Hey where is everyone its the 3rd this thread should have at least 100 posts by now!

WAKE UP!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 12:53 PM

What? Where am I?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 02:01 PM

I have developed rickets in my ear which is causing me to walk with a lisp. Can anyone help?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Ayatolla
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 07:41 AM

It is not well known that the Prophet was a rural type.

    Sayings of the Prophet:
                        
                         No 3)"Nobody ever hunted sheep for fun".

                               A. Jay'bee.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 11:24 AM

Nice to see that you have all survived the recent Martian attack. So, what say we nip over to Durty Nellie's for a pint? Why does Oakley have that thing on his face?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 07:42 AM

Is the lack of interest in this thread due in any part to the impending retirement from the band of Mr Peter Dean, or perhaps the relocation of the lovely Niknak to foreign climes has damped everyone's enthusiasm. Has the acorn lost his idiosyncrasy, (please God) (if anyone finds it bury it quick)or we all bored.
If music be the food of love why don't Rabbits sing

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 10:21 AM

Hello,

I'm sure I'll have something to contribute when I'm feeling better. Keep up the drivel.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 05 Sep 03 - 05:30 PM

I've just met Niknaks dad, what a top notch fellow!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 05:20 AM

Oh my, where is everyone....

Are musicians known to hybernate at this time of year or something...?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: saulgoldie
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 10:20 AM

If I may, please. Just what is "Punch the Horse?" I tried to figure it out from reading this and other threads, but I cannot.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Willa
Date: 06 Sep 03 - 06:23 PM

Hi Saul
Here they are http://www.mudcat.org/photos/photo_page.cfm?file_name_sent=oakley

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 06:24 AM

I will echo that smallpipes!What a smashing chap.He came to the gig in Beverley last night intending only to stop for an hour.He enjoyed himself that much he was last seen wandering round "Nellies" car park at 1.30 am singing "The leaving of liverpool" and asking were he could buy a Bhodran!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: saulgoldie
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 08:03 AM

Thanks, Willa.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 04:23 PM

Bloody hell, you lot are being awful quiet.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 07 Sep 03 - 06:56 PM

Mum's the word

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 08 Sep 03 - 12:54 PM

I've never got that saying..!! What excatly does it mean Raggy??? And why 'mum' anyway?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Willa
Date: 08 Sep 03 - 01:30 PM

mum: to act in a mime (like those in a mummers play)- so 'mum's the word' means say nothing.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 08 Sep 03 - 01:34 PM

Mums the word is to keep what is told to you as a profound secret, possibly from Mumchance which was a game with dice in which silence was indispensable.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 05:51 AM

Anyonegoing to the Barton session tonight?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Skipjack K8
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 06:05 AM

I'm trying to interest my husband, but he may be on a French trolleybus. I will be sporting my aerophone, and a curious bakelite ukelele.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Ayatolla
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 07:04 AM

Shall be at the Coach and horses, Barton for the last time tonight for a while - going on Hadj to Wales (Mecca's short for Mechunthleth so I'm told).

       Sayings of the Prophet No. 4)"All oyster shells are different, but all oysters are the same". (you can substitute many things for oysters like cats, folk musicians or women)

                               A. Jay'bee.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 07:39 AM

We are SP, how did the move go?
May I take the opportunity to remind people that we're having a bash on 12th Sept. & to reassure them that we will not force people to stand outside all night on the new decking in the rain/cold just because we've worked hard all bloody summer. Just look at it & say 'that's absolutely wondeful, better than Groundforce could have done' then retreat inside for curry & some tunes!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Skipjack K8
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 07:42 AM

Kazza, try stirring the Tunes into the curry, and you may have set upon a remedy for the common cold.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 09:01 AM

The move went ok .. if fact to look at the place you'd think she's been living there for a long time and it suits her. I think that she will be fine and happy there.

See you tonight folks

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 09:21 AM

The Move ............didn't they do Goodbye Blackberry Way

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 09:45 AM

Probably but we're talking about Niknak's move north - tune name in there I think.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 10:15 AM

Well?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 10:22 AM

Hello Little Hawk.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 10:46 AM

The level of drivel on this thread is disappointingly low. I have been away in deepest Whitby for a week, hence my non-contribution. And what a splendid time it was too, marred only by my attendance at a singaround on board the Grand Turk...

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 10:57 AM

Oh, and the written warning I found on my desk on monday morning. Welcome back, people!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 11:12 AM

What on earth do you mean welcome back, people! We haven't been away!

Well? yes I'm fine thank you little hawk and you?

KJ walking with a lithp is not good for you see oaklet for a fine example of.......... well nothing really just a fine example.

A written warning apertaining to phwat deanie?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 11:30 AM

SP desist sir in besmirching oaklet's character. He is a prime example, an example to us all. We should all follow Oaklets example & encourage the growth of fungoid life forms on various parts of our anatomy, bed all of the DGP & have furtive liasons with next-door neighbours. In fact Oaklet is God, we ought to bow down on our knees before him & adore him......shit what is this stuff I'm smoking?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 11:41 AM

Fusileer Empire Agony Shag. A whole ounce.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 12:55 PM

Fusilier's did indeed shag merrily across the Empire & many suffered agonies as a result of picking up various disgusting infections. The Lancashire Fusilier's were the best I'm told.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 12:57 PM

PS. A Fusil is a light musket as opposed to a heavy one.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 03:14 PM

like I said KJ a fine example!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Sep 03 - 11:45 PM

I say, chaps! If you want a good dollop of old BS just amble on over to the MOABS threads. Tweed is a regular there. He's absolutely mad. Seriously, mate, if it's drivel you want, the MOABS is the place to be.

Aside from Hull, that is...

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 12:05 AM

heloo lickle hawk, waht you doibg awake? 9 its 5am in the morniing!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 03:17 AM

hell o joh n

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 03:20 AM

get lost guest, 9guest is bad.joihn

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 03:37 AM

sorry john did not mean to upset we will talk later

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 03:40 AM

GUESt-are you local?
or do you know the words to Good year for the roses, if answer to them is no then get lost.john

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 03:52 AM

yeah john its countying corws.

What a good yer for the roses
Many blomes still linger there
The lawn could stand anoter mowin'
Funny I don't even care
As you turn to walk away
As the dore behind you closes
The only thing I have to say
It's been a good year for the roses

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 03:55 AM

heers guest, and mooman aready sended the words, are you local?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 03:57 AM

yeah

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:04 AM

where you from then, which posty area? i;m in HU5
and did you got the words to Shipbuilding, biy elivis costello?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:09 AM

cottingham Road by chanterlands we listen on the ferry.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:13 AM

Does anybody want to buy a photocopier? I need to sell some. NOW.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:15 AM

what type and price?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:18 AM

anyway=it smells of dust in here, i just put my central heting on, and now theres a really dustry smell,
ps-if that next door neebour bloke doesent stop putting his rubbish imn my bin, i am going to burn his house down, so he;d better watch it, and the postman keeps putting bills here in my box, i told him before " i said "HOY, Dont put no bills in my box!, he give some shitty excuse, [my job or somesuch bullshit], so i put i sign on my dore, 2NO BILLS HERE", he still bloodt put them here, stupif!, i pay all my gas , leccyt and water, in by card each week, at post ofice, so all other post is rubbish, and i dont want it, i told him, "dont put no posts here", anyway i stood in front of the letter box one day, and i said " if you put any post here, i put it straight in back in your bag, he gave me a bad look, and said "shut up weirdo, and2 and he just threw it on the floor, i will report him next time.,
so he better watch it, they cant make you have post, if you dont want it, bloody rip off.if he starts making trubble, i will give him a slap.john

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:20 AM

Toshiba. From littlies to biggies.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:21 AM

and serves himright, the arseole, anyway, i will throw some stones at him from the kichen window, and serve him right, how do you spell kichen?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 04:40 AM

GUEST-Do you know who I am?
I'm the one with the Ozzy Osbourne haircut and glasssis.
demister-waht you on about-Toshiba, my video, is Toshiba, its crap, it dosent record no more, it plays ok, but not record, most telly is shit anyway, how do you record digical telly then?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 05:16 AM

Hey chaps and chapesses, I think you should have a look at the thread entitled BS September 19th. Visit the website that is linked and seriously consider that we should take this on board whole hartedly.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 05:40 AM

Wahey,this is great, i'm on the net and sending an post in my lesson and not gettin told off for it...college is GREAT!!!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 06:09 AM

get on with your work girl!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 06:27 AM

We'll start early!
Arrrrrr me hearties, weigh anchor on C & K's deck, Friday 12th 8 bells onwards, swashle your lasscut, buckle yor bodkins, flay the fiddlers, arrrr, arrrr, arrrr.....er!
Walking the plank optional, bear9hoi? served by comely buxom wenches?????
What is this stuff I'm smoking!!!!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 07:00 AM

That was Colin Thompson.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 07:13 AM

Thought I'd do a bit of research r.e the room we occupy on Tuesday nights. It's the formica altar, bent candles, flashing disco lights, game of Twister & big mallets that bother me.So here goes:
Antediluvian: Referring to the time before the flood????
Colloquially..utterly out of date!!

For Colin's benefit, our friends in the photos are not wearing envelopes within which are placed buffalo bollocks, they are indedd aprons. Originally they were a peice of animal skin fastened around the body & tied with two tapes which came to a bow in the front. Since the bow could become unfastened whilst working, a piece from the top of the apron was folded over to protect the bow, hence the resemblence to envelopes. Perfectly practical and logical.

The RAOB was created by the stage hands & theatre technicians of Drury Lane in 1822 as they were denied entry to the Order of the City of Lushington which consisted of artists and actors.

The purpose of the order is described as "the pursuit of Brotherhood".
The conception of Brotherhood is firmly based on the family principle, that the total power and strength of the family shall be available to the individual in accordance with his need, but the point must be made at once, that the degree to which needs can be met depends entirely on the loyalty to that principle of each member of the family.

I'm getting bored now.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 07:16 AM

Oaklet that was me. Correction of spelling mistakes in previous posting. Indedd...read indeed & peice...read piece. There! I think I'll go and watch some paint dry otherwise I'm going to become really sad.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:01 AM

I have just picked all the blown vinyl bubbles off 2 square feet of wallpaper.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:21 AM

Oaklet I really want to ask why but am terribly afraid of the response I may get.

Tip of the day

Get out more often.

(me herties arrrr)

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:23 AM

Mrs Drinkall from No 21 has just popped round to inform me that she has contracted with Potts Roofing and Property Repairs to renew the guttering at the back of her house and wanted to check if it is OK to join her new guttering onto mine. I wasn't falling for any of that brazen lewdness and was politely affirmative but firm. She might have not appreciated how firm I actually was, but that's another matter.

Looking back, I think this would have made a splendid new thread called "Mrs Drinkall from no 21's new guttering". I should have ended it with a question about other Mudcatter's experiences of new guttering on non-detached properties.

Another missed opportunity to enliven a slightly slow day in South Ferriby Sluice.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:27 AM

And the big mallets are the badges-of-office of the Grand Buggermaster General. A bit scary, that lot.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:43 AM

Our venus fly traps are small but they are eating daddy long legs. It's disgusting you can see the legs sticking out of the sides yeuch!!
Oaklet the mastering of buggery takes years & years I'm afraid you've still got a long way to go! I am now going to count the woodlice in the compost bin.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 08:49 AM

PS I've been listening to Cara's new CD, dunno what they're going to call it but it's very nice, very easy to listen to.Should be accompanied by an open fire, big fleecy rug, a bottle of chilled wine & good company, it's that sort of CD. Sorry to plug this on a PTH thread but I'm sure the guys won't mind!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 09:08 AM

You must have one of Oakley's mass produced bootleg copies then KJ, Because it isn't released untill sometime after now!

I believe PTH are going into the (or should I say a) studio in October to make a new CD as well. here are even rumours that they are practicing!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 09:37 AM

The Notes in the Stones, KJ is what Cara's new CD is called. Glad you like the raw version - imagine how it'll sound with a picure of a castle on the front and a barcode on the back!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 10:32 AM

Crenulated, it will definitely sound crenulated. I can hear those crenulations from here ............Wow !!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 10:34 AM

KJ, did you roll this last ciggie ? Nope can't be that I forgot I don't smoke .................errrrrrrr?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 10:39 AM

Avast me hearty, we pirates don' smoke nuttin but the auld bacca. Good clean livin' lads & lasses is what we are!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 10:40 AM

Does anybody want to buy a photocopier?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 10:51 AM

In the bowl of my meeshaum sits a plug of Fusileer Empire Agony Shag, burning steadily with an aromatic, heady tranquility. In the opposite corner of the drawing room is an exasperated Mrs O, noisily gagging and repeatedly thrusting open the french windows complaining bitterly about her inability to breathe. I suspect that this is more to do with the fact that my pipe has set fire to the carpet, than the aroma of the Fusileer.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 11:09 AM

Okay, Okay....(sigh) why do you want to flog all of us photocopiers Mr Dean?
Oaklet if I was Mrs O, I would get you a shed, you obviously need one!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 11:22 AM

I have just this second come back from buying three huge photocopiers, each on an elaborate and extended maintenance contract. Sorry Peter, I forgot that you do this for a living as well. I should have spoken to you, shouldn't I?

KJ - I did have a shed but it caught fire shortly after the arrival of a pound of Nelson's Old Colonial Hard Bronchial Twist.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 10 Sep 03 - 03:22 PM

Avast there me harties I am geet happy to see this thread has risen to the dizzying depths that I have come to know and love about PTH threads.

Keep the home fires burning oakly............... no not like that!!! I've just seen a squad of fire appliances heading across the Humber bridge at full tilt no doubt heading for that pall of smoke over South Ferribeeeee. Oh dear.


Put that out Raggy you don't smoke!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 06:19 AM

Does anybody know of a device for removing Sales Managers from my office....?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 06:29 AM

Hodkin and Tonks produce a teak Wheeled Executive Trolly and Fork combination. I personally prefer to poison them with my body products mixed into hot drinks, having smeared nitic acid on the loo seat. The burning and itching normally drives them away.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 08:41 AM

Help!

My computer suffered a catastrophic failure last night and as a result I've lost my address book so will those of you who have my email address please email so that I can rebuild my address book.
Ta

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 12:21 PM

smallpliers, you should have backed up your address book using your DeanMeister photocopier!

...what d'you mean, you haven't got one? All the Hull crowd have bought them is what he told me.

Oh.... I see..... but it is always advisable to buy two at a time, like kittens, isn't it, otherwise they pine?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 03:46 PM

Yep Noreen I should have but then I'm an ijiit! I lost more than me address book all me phots have gone as well - I did back those up in July but not since... duh!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Les from Hull
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 03:51 PM

Ooo I want one of those kittens that smell of pine. It would be so useful in cleaning out the toilet bowl. Our cat just smells of cat.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 03:53 PM

Who would buy a photocopier from the DeanMeister, can you trust this man?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 03:59 PM

I have it from a reliable sauce that he is totally reliable when it comes to photocopiers!

I'm sayin' nowt about anything else though but me harties!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 04:01 PM

My skull has just been cleft by hailstones the soize of oysters. Aharrrrggh.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 04:06 PM

nononononononononono Oaklet they were oysters!

have you extinguished that fire yet?

Subject: Punch the horse in Manchester?
From: GUEST,Les the confused
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 04:08 PM

er, no.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 07:01 PM

Yes SP they were indeed oysters. The imperial bollockmaster Oaklet has now being targeted by the Barton branch of the ROAB for profaning the image of the true buffalo. This is only the beginning, they are filling their envelopes, sorry aprons, as we speak with the stinking intestines of long dead cats in which they will immerse the aforesaid Oaklet and make him eat sprats!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 07:15 PM

I recall seeing a picture of the lovely Mrs Drinkall once. I do wish she would come here and complain about something.

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 07:24 PM

Hawklet- she wears the prettiest of hats.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 10:14 PM

I bet.

Now as for Colin Thompson, I can't say much about him, but I do enjoy reading Colin Wilson. Very interesting fellow.

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:07 AM

I see you have all finally come to your sences...ish!

And there's some fine drivel thoughout this thread may I add..!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:14 AM

Sorry KJ, cannot attend your soiree this evening. I have been informed that Mrs DeMister will be attending a bash elsewhere, and I have to drive my children to another do also. I'm practising my DeNiro as we speak...."are you talkin to me??"

Hope y'all have a good one!

Smallplonker, I'll be round shortly with your new copier.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:14 AM

That Colin never came back to me about the position of wringer out for a one armed window cleaner

Rude I call it

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:43 AM

Mr. Meister, you can go and install the Thompson's new copier on the decking after you drop the kiddies off!

I'm having difficulty running off copies of the new Cara CD on the left-hand copier you sold me- the paper that comes out won't play at all, and now it's stuck in the CD tray... what am I doing wrong??

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:47 AM

That's because Oaklet has installed an anti-copy device to all authorised copies of the CD. Which, incidentally, I haven't heard yet. Why is that?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:47 AM

100!!!! WEHEY!! What's MY prize?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 05:52 AM

You could have heard it by now if you'd have run away with me to live at the Travel Lodge at Doncaster North Services on the M18/M180 junction, only getting out of bed to eat Flame Grilled Whoppers at the Burger King across the car park.

You rotten self-obsessed finch-rearing pillock.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 06:02 AM

This lends credence to the theory that the only people whom Oaklet has graced with a copy of the new CD are those who have slept in his bed.

Skipjack and I can only speak for ourselves...

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 06:18 AM

heloo, i just woke up, i had a really bad nightmare last night, a big white cat, got into my bedroom an bit my nose off, 9 very scarey], i woke up, and checked my nose was still there, [it was], i checked them room for cats as well, i dident find none.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 06:35 AM

I have shared a sleeping bag with him in his Van, on the banks of the of the Chesterfield Canal. Does that count? Ahhh, I remember it now, moonlight sparkling on the water, a host of heavenly stars, the gentle sound of the water lapping against the lock gates, and the quaint locals of the Packet Inn having a screaming fight in the car park. The sound of shattering glass and sirens was the perfect end to a perfect evening.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 06:36 AM

He was dressed in blue....

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 06:38 AM

Sireens? Was I there?

Good to see you working yer butt off, Mr Meister.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 06:51 AM

Erm....sorry Mum. Back to the fray...!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 06:57 AM

Can somebody tell me when exactly Whitby Folk week is next year? I'm booking a cottage, and I'm not sure which week to book. Need to confirm pretty quickly. Anybody?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 07:16 AM

February 6 to the 11th.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 07:31 AM

Not sure when it is Demister, but ring Whitby Tourist Information Office on=01947 602 674.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 07:31 AM

*

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 07:41 AM

Thanks jOhn. I just did. It's from 21st to 27th August in case anybody's interested.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 07:53 AM

Can I come?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 08:08 AM

We'll miss you this evening Deanie.As for sharing a sleeping bag with Oaklet, have you been to the doctor's yet? I would recommend that you go quickly, not all bacteria are friendly bacteria you know, they tell you that on the adverts.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 08:10 AM

Whitby Folk Week is always in the week preceeding August Bank Holiday, so find out when the bank holiday falls and you have found the folk week, this applies for each and every year ......or for at least the last 13 years that I know of

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 08:24 AM

Pity that you couldn't have accepted the February date until he had made a no-cancellation booking. I had a lovely image of a muttering and hostile De-mister, hobbling down St Mary's steps, fighting an easterly force 9 studded with viscous hailstones into a deserted, freezing Whitby.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 09:14 AM

And oysters

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Willa
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 04:38 PM

This year's prog. says it's August 21st to 27th next year, Pete, as BH Monday is the 30th.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: old git
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 07:20 PM

if you can't wait that long there's always the moor and coast fest at the beginning of may

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 08:13 PM

why wait that long, captain cook festival is in october

excuse lower case, i'm eating a butty

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 08:16 PM

I've just come back from a party, me.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 10:24 PM

Yes I was there and my fiend anita sez that oakley he's on a different planet he is but a nice chap for all that an all.She's a yorkshire lass you see.


Deanie your prize for posting the 100th post to this thread is the opportunity to buy one of your own photocopiers.... congratulations!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 01:02 PM

God, I love that phrase, "You rotten self-obsessed finch-rearing pillock!" I intend to hoard it like a precious gem and then use it on some devastatingly appropriate occasion. Thank you, Oakley!

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 01:17 PM

Hawklet, thanks for the encouragement. I am touched.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 02:10 PM

Ah arrrrrrrrrr & avest me hearies, shiver me decking timbers & dribble me water features, arrrrrr arrrrrr arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. (Good this innit!) ta me auld ship-mates for making the long sea haul to Cap'n Colin's & first-mate Karen's shindig. Of fiddling there was plenty (fiddling with what you may ask...yes you may ask, ask Oaklet what he was fiddling with!!) Plenty of drink was took & we all danced on a dead man's chest, holding our arbitration kebabs. Avast me hearties, Allah be praised & may your women have many humps & your camel have many children.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 02:26 PM

KJ, the thought or responding to your thanks for the invite to the party on a thread not consigned to the BS section, makes me wince with pleasure. It was great to share an arbitration kebab with you and Colin (it was Colin Thompson) Thompson. You provided the chance to have a great night and I am very grateful. Sorry about the incident with the Swarfega, by the way. Try a Stain Devil.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 05:09 PM

It was sitting at the end of my bed the other night that stain devil, gibbering away with an evil look in his eye!! Bloody hell what WAS that stuff I was smoking!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 05:33 PM

It was probably an ounce of "Fortnam's Extreme Wildebeast Ready-Rubbed Plug", KJ.

Ohh shit, the end has come off again...

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 06:00 PM

Simply grasp it firmly and screw it back on with a right-hand turn or two then...

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 08:43 PM

Who are these people that go around rubbing Wildebeest? Stick it back on with Superglue Oaklet.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 06:58 AM

Do you have any arbitration kebabs left over, KJ? or any Byelaw enforcement noodles? I noticed that Skip troughed all the cheesy bog olives, without splillng any down his anti-static jiving harness.

I have to lie down. It is throbbing like hell.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 08:46 AM

Arrggggggggggg me harties - that's all I have to say on the subject - erm you sure it was wildebeast and not the short necked Giraffe shag?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 10:58 AM

Oaklet. R.e throbbing end. As everyone knows, an end has to have a beginning. Any symptoms in the end is likely to have its origins in the beginning. If the beginning is dysfunctional then the end is likely to suffer. However,it could be, that the beginning itself is not dysfunctional but that the middle is the cause of the symptoms. In such cases it is terminal, there is no hope, the end is nigh.
P.S Skip's anti-static jiving harness was not.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 07:55 PM

KJ - TITUS is seven. His confines, Gormenghast. Suckled on shadows; weaned, as it were, on webs of ritual: for his ears, echoes, for his eyes, a labyrith of stone: and yet within his body some-thing or other - other than this umbrageous legacy. For first and ever foremost he is child.
A ritual more compelling than ever man devised, is fighting anchoured darkness. A ritual of the blood; of the jumping blood. These quicks of sentience owe nothing to his forebears, but to those feckless hosts, a trillion deep, of the globe's childhood.
The gift of bright blood. Of blood that laughs when the tenets mutter 'Weep'. Of blood that mourns when the sere laws croak 'Rejoice!' O little revolution in great shades!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 07:59 PM

Jesus....

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 08:09 PM

heloo, waht you are on about then? i'm confused!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 08:16 PM

That's pretty striking prose, smallpiper.

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 08:19 PM

Looks like some kind of weird witch talk to me! ;-)

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 08:25 PM

Read on and Lean!   

Titus the seventy-seventh. Heir to a crumbling summit: to a sea of nettles: to an empire of red rust: to rituals' footprints ankle deep in stone.
Gormenghast.
Withdrawn and ruinous it broods in umbra: the immemorial masonry: the towers, the tracts. Is all corroding? No. Through an avenue of spires a zephyr floats; a bird whiistles; a freshet bears away from a choked river. Deep in a fist of a stone doll's hand wriggles, warm rebellious on the frozen palm. A shadow shifts its length. A spider stirs...

And darkness winds between the characters.

Who are the characters? And what has he learned of them and of his home since that far off day when he was born to the Countess of Groan in a room alive with birds?

He has learned an alphabet of arch and aisle: the language of dim stairs and moth-hung quadrangles: his trees are pillars. And he has learned that there are always eyes. Eyes that watch. Feet that follow, and hands to hold him when he struggles, to lift him when he falls. Upon his feet again he stares unsmilling. Tall figures bow. Some in jewellery; some in rags.

The characters

The quick and the dead. The shapes, the voices that throng his mind, for there are days when the living have no substance and the dead are active.

Who are these dead - these victims of violence who no longer influence the tenor of Gormenghast save by a deathless repercussion? For riples are still widening in the dark rings and a movement runs over the gooseflesh waters through the drowned stones lie still. The characters who are but names to Titus, though one of them his father, and all of them alive when he was born. Who are they? For the child will hear of them.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 08:29 PM

Wich way do you want us to lean?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 08:35 PM

Ah jOhn there's the rub my friend there's the rub.....

Let them apear for a quick eathless moment, as ghosts, separate, dissimilar and complete. They are even now moving, as before death, on their own ground. Is Time's cold scroll recoiling on itself untill the dead years speak, or is it in the throb of now that spectres wake and wander through the walls?


To be continued.....

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 08:47 PM

why?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Sep 03 - 08:49 PM

This Gormenghast stuff is very stylish, but is it all style and no substance (like the old TV show "Miami Vice" in the '80's)? Or does it contain a thread of real meaning? Only by plowing through another 85,000 dramatic words will we know...

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 08:15 AM

Ahem. I have just sold a photocopier.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 08:30 AM

I thought the last inclusion number 144 was gross

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Skipjack K8
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 08:42 AM

I understand photocopiers more than Gormenghast

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 08:45 AM

Congratulations Mr Meister sir- 'twas your winning smile as ever that clinched the deal.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 08:54 AM

Can't stop- moving the fridge to make room for the photocopier.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 09:10 AM

Can anyone explain that load of old bollocks that dribbles from Smallpliers's keyboard? Should we be worried about him?

Deany - you are the Queen of Toshiba. When you texted about your arrival on Saturday night, it was the Arrival of the Queen of Toshiba that I whistled in you honour.

Toshiba!

Sorry, I just sneezed

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 09:15 AM

I think smallpliers is talking like a witch!
maybe he making a spell or something.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 09:58 AM

Skipjack, I've been selling them for 14 years, and even I don't understand them. You must be a better man than I.

Noreen, payment terms strictly 30 days. For the photocopier as well... x

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 10:43 AM

Nice one SP
Linger now with me,thou Beauty,on the sharp archaic shore.
Surely 'tis a wasterl's duty and the gods could ask no more.
If thou lingerest when I linger, if thou tread'st the stone i treas,
Thou wilt stay my spirit's hunger and dispel the dreams I dread.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 11:58 AM

Nowt wrong with a bit of lingerie I say, know what I mean, nudge, nudge

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 12:25 PM

Hey remember friday is International Talk Like a Pirate Day - I hope you've all been practicing me hearties arrrr!


Oaklet ... no need to worry about me mate like I was saying....What for instance, was that sacklike monster , that snoring hummock, that deadweight of disjointed horror? Vile and brutish it looked as it lay curled like a black dog on the professor's desk; but what was it? One would say it was dead, for it was as heavy as death and as motionless; but there was a sound of stifled snoring coming from it, with the occasional whistle as of wind through jagged glass.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: ossonflags
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 12:47 PM

If any one is mildly intrested, PTH will be playing at the "Durty Nellies" High Street Hull this Saturday night.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Willa
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 02:20 PM

Ah, now I've got it; it's that new set of pipes, SP!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 05:14 PM

Good ho Osson - I hope to be back in time for the gig from otley.

wrong Willa hehehe!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 07:27 PM

Hello SP
Do you want your glory ruined by a makeshift and ridiculous pair of bright yellow sit-upons? Do you want to be the laughing stock of the castle, all over again, because you were too impateint?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 07:28 PM

correction 'impatient'

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 07:30 PM

PS If someone chips in with TITUS ALONE we'll have the whole set!!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 15 Sep 03 - 07:36 PM

Ah KJ we need more than that keep it going!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,One who must remain nameless...
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 12:06 AM

In Cottingham Road by Chanterlands
I spied a damsel fair
With rosy cheeks and ruby lips
And ribbons in her hair
Said I, "Must be an angel that's
Descended from on high
To walk these fabled roads alone
Beneath the autumn sky."

I thought perchance to speak with her
And ask from where she came
And what could be her heritage
Her purpose and her name
Made bold, I ambled up to her
And did my hat remove
To show a gallant style of which
I hoped she would approve

"Young man," she said, "you'd best be off
lest you should catch a cold,
For damp's the heath in Chanterlands,
And stories have been told
Of lads who perished in the dew
While hunting bonny quail
Because their coats got soggy through
Which warmth could not avail."

"Oh, no," I cried, "For I am made
Of sterner stuff than that!"
"Indeed?" said she, "But list to me
And put back on your hat.
For on your pate I cannot help
But spy the shiny spot
Upon which is emblazoned
"Neath here stands a drunken sot!"

"What say you?" and I gasped in shock
She said, "It's plain to see
Some rascal's played a joke on you!
Here, look at this, prithee."
She held a pocket mirror up
And in its light I saw
The shiny spot that did declare
That message...'twas nae braw!

"My God!" I cried, "Some vile affront
This is, I'm sorely vexed!"
Said she, "You've kept bad company, I fear,
First drink and next,
A slow descent into depravity
And common vice
May soon deprive you of your health,
So take my good advice..."

"Eschew the company of scoundrels,
Scamps and libertines,
Peruse instead the classics
And subscribe to magazines
That honour art and culture
And the noble spirit's call
And most of all, avoid the poems
Of Malcolm Buggeroll!"

"That name!" I shrieked, "I might have known!
'Twas just on Friday last
When he and I did share a drink...or two...
And brief repast
That villian's had a joke on me
And shaved my head in jest!
And on it painted slanderous words
To rob me of my rest!"

So off I stumbled, red in face,
In shame I did retreat
But I shall find that Scottish swine
And mercillessly beat
Him to a pulp for causing me
Such sharp embarrassment
Before that splendid damsel
She is gone now, I lament!

In Cottingham Road by Chanterlands
There was a damsel fair
With rosy cheeks and ruby lips
And ribbons in her hair
Now nevermore her shall I see
And wretched is my fate
For Ms Penelope Rutledge has
Returned to Twillingsgate!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 04:01 AM

Rapturous applause!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 04:45 AM

Fantastic!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 04:58 AM

That was good that.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 07:55 AM

Was'nt to bad .......... for a fiddle player.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Skipjack K8
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 07:55 AM

I cried

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 08:27 AM

*sigh*
...what a sad story.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 09:11 AM

I wet myself and went to stare longingly at my statue for an hour. Only then did I change my clothes.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 02:52 PM

Ah, Oaklet me dear you need an 'artificial sphincter device',a devilishly clever little thing that is put in place through a very simple 3 to 4 inch incision between the scrotum and rectum. After entering the deep structure of the perineum the urethra is found and is circumscribed for approximately 1 ½ to 2 inches.

A doughnut-like cuff is then placed around the urethra at its proximal bulbar portion. This is attached to a pump mechanism placed in the scrotal compartment next to the testicle.In addition, the pump is attached to a small cylinder holding 25 cc of salt water that is placed through the same incision retroperitoneal and above the pubic bone. This reservoir pushes fluid into the cuff around the urethra compressing these structures and acting as an artificial sphincter or valve.

As the bladder fills and the patient develops an urge to void compression two or three times of the pump mechanism in the scrotum pushes the fluid that is compressing the urethra in the cuff back into the reservoir such that the patient has 2 ½ to 3 minutes to void and empty his bladder. As soon as voiding is complete the reservoir by virtue of its pressure and elasticity pushes fluid, 1into the donut cuff compressing the urethra or bladder neck and again giving urinary control until the next voiding sensation.

This procedure can be done my most qualified, experienced urological surgeons or if you don't want to wait for ever on a waiting list, I don't mind giving it a go, it can't be that difficult!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 04:09 PM

I am just having a go myself, KJ. I find that I have to chew a shit-load of Ibuprofen to attempt the sphincter thing. Is this normal?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 07:59 PM

While we're at it, is there a cure for larch berries?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Sep 03 - 09:59 PM

Hmm. Didn't think so. I guess it's curtains for the chimp.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 05:02 AM

LH I'm sure KJ will be reseaching the cure as we speak.


How did the DIY surgery go Oaklet - Did the Ibu keep the pain away? I'm curious as I am planning a DIY labotomy in the not to distant future.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 05:08 AM

Belay that last one.... (sigh) the trouble with DIY labotomy's is you forget when you've already done one.

And Oaklet stop playing with the pump ... people will talk!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 05:11 AM

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy

Or did I already say that ???????

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 06:39 AM

Here's one for jOhn.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. Ceehiro

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 06:44 AM

I can't stop - I have been asked to go and buy 4 more photocopiers with maintenance agreements.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 07:08 AM

Oh how I laughed....

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 07:09 AM

Wish it were true, David. I know just the man. I've got contacts, me.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 09:22 AM

What I want to know is, how can Oakley can spend time on this thing when he should be working.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 09:44 AM

Contacts? That must be where you plug in the photocopiers

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 10:24 AM

No contacts are on hairy plains, I've heard it on fillums, the pilot shouts "contact" the mechanic spins the propeller and then gets mutilated as the pilot edges the plain forward

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 10:55 AM

The other aspect of me just posted. I am very glad about this.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Skipjack K8
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 11:23 AM

Well just how many replicates of the rest of us do you think are running around posting, harum scarum?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 01:21 PM

Good news! Mr Chongo is making a slow recovery. We had thought he was a goner for sure. Also, we have discovered something quite unsettling: the larch tree is a conifer. It does not produce berries. This means that the 12 pounds of bright red berries which Mr Chongo consumed were of an unidentified type. We are investigating and hope to come up with an answer to this mystery quite soon.

Fortunately, there have been very few calls lately from telemarketers, so we expect to weather the storm until Mr Chongo recovers fully and can assume his normal duties again.

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 05:09 AM

Hey!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 12:11 PM

What?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 03:29 PM

Don't shout, Slimestepper. It's rude.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 08:40 PM

I was going to follow up with "diddly dee an actors life for me" but it would be a lie - although I wouldn't mind earning as much as them thar famouse hollowood actors do and then I could sit around and play music all day..... shit thats what I do now, but at least I could do it knowing that I could afford to pay the rent!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 19 Sep 03 - 12:56 PM

LH. Growing on the Larch might have been a Larch Dwarf Mistletoe.Are you sure the berries were red? Most dwarf mistletoes produce green to dark brown-purple berries which are poisonous.
Oaklet I'm very upset that you denied me the pleasure of fitting the 'artificial sphincter device'. What a baby you are crunching all that brufen, I wasn't going to bother with an anaesthetic as it surely can't hurt that much!!!!!
P.S The Veus Fly Traps are still consuming Daddy Long Legs. There are lots of legs now, sticking out all over the place. I think their trigger hairs are bigger than their bellies!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 03 - 03:58 PM

Ugh! What a nasty fate.

We don't know where those berries came from. Mr Chongo resumed his duties this morning, despite being a little weak still. He sits by the phone, waiting hopefully for the next telemarketer. We have him on pure water and biscuits, and he seems to be picking up.

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 19 Sep 03 - 04:06 PM

Mr Chongo and I must have a strange connection. That is exactly what I am doing at the moment, Little Hawk.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 19 Sep 03 - 04:09 PM

The larch is a deciduous conifer. How's about that then? A conifer that actually dumps its leaves in the autumn. Sorry, fall.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 03 - 07:43 PM

I have a suggestion, Oaklet. Go down to the seediest pub in Hull, find the meanest-looking man in the place, walk up to him and say, "You're a deciduous conifer!" Then report back to us on the results.

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 19 Sep 03 - 07:52 PM

Knowing Oaklet he'd pick the only tree specialist in Hull and end up in a deep and meanigfull coversation and not casualty.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 20 Sep 03 - 10:26 AM

it was a brief encounter. My Celia Johnson to his Trevor Howard. I tried it at the Warne Ferry near Bransholme. The stitches come out in a week; the plaster-cast is a fixture for the next 6 month and a half. Have you any other suggestions, Hawket? Despite the nastiness and the presence of two Humberside constabulary area cars and an ambulance - I feel surprisingly well-disposed to receiving further instructions from the man in Orillia. Which is in Canada, I'm told.

I also face a procescution, a fine and a large bill for "services".

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Sep 03 - 07:23 PM

LOL! Your life is becoming more like that of the notorious Winston Wellington-Jones every day, Oaklet. The military is looking for gents like you, agreeable sorts who follow orders without question. I shall try to think of another vital mission to send you on soon, mate. I think you've earned a bronze star or something like that.

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 05:46 AM

Oakley remember... smutty boys are lonely boys. I have recieved a full report of the near miss and wish to congratulate you on the way you successfully avoided the issue. Here have a peanut!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 06:01 AM

200

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 06:45 AM

no way - you can have one peanut and be content with that! 200 indeed!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 07:19 AM

Question - What plays a guitar and falls of motor bikes?

Answer - Pete Dean!!!!

The Deanmeister,well known guitar player with the Infamouse band "Punch the Horse" was driving his shiny new red motorcycle along the Beverley by-pass on Wednesday whilst playing a particulary hard chord progression,when he decided to see if said shiny bike could fly.This is something his closest friends would have advised him agaist as when he came to, a local rag and bone man was stood over him offering a selection of balloons and goldfish for the remains of his shiny new "Triumph"!!!!

I am pleased to report that the Axeman and his son Alex suffered no seriouse injury and Peter put in a blistering night with us at the "Durty Nellies" on the Saturday.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 05:24 PM

True

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 05:28 AM

Tis true. My sickle is a tad poorly. And I ache all over. The handbook said nothing of the beast's inablity to fly. Can I sue for this, LH?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 07:29 AM

Nah Deanie its in the small print ... in latin: Equine ferus nihill areonaticus!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 10:17 AM

Oh.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 10:53 AM

Deanie ..........have you bought yourself a steam train, an American one, an old Iron Horse, an Equine Ferus and furthermore are you aware that Moses is the first named person to ride a Motorbike cos it says in the bible "and lo, the roar of Moses Trimuph could be heard throughout Israel"

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 11:05 AM

Trust someone to point out that I was insulting his motorcicle! If you only knew just how proud he was of his two wheeled glory!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 01:06 PM

I've got a guitar lesson tonite, the instructor is well fit!

I've told pete about this before, he should scrap the bike and get something with real power......horses can fly!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 01:10 PM

Whats this Deanies got Horseflies, knew about the fleas and crabs but was unaware of horseflies

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 01:51 PM

Yeah he got them off Oaklet or one of his heffers nasty things geegeeflies!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 02:23 PM

Gee Gee Flies, Wasn't she a dancer with Pans Criples

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 04:09 PM

It's too bad it didn't happen in the USA, Deanmeister...you can sue over anything in that country, absolutely anything. And if you get the right lawyers representing you, you'll win too. Cast your mind back to the OJ trial, for instance. We'll have to see if Johnny Cochrane or Melvin Belli can be persuaded to go to the UK and help you out with it...

It all depends on publicity. Is there anything unbelievably violent, scandalous or heinous in your background or that of your family? Something that if revealed would attract HUGE publicity, resulting in several bestselling books and lucrative talkshow engagements? If so, I believe we can get you hooked up with one of these top flight California lawyers right quick.

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 07:28 PM

Deanmeister,

You're going to be a natural for this, don't worry about a couple a years in a state penitent, OK your arsehole will be bigger when you come out, but with me as your agent, we'll (sorry you'll) be a millionaire.
Go for it man

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 10:43 PM

LOL! That's the spirit! I can foresee opportunities for a large number of venal hangers-on to cash in big here, Raggytash. The more the merrier, I say! We'll have this on the cover of People magazine in a month or two from now is my prediction...

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 05:03 AM

Scandalous or heinous background? Moi? A pinnacle of the community, me.

Well, I suppose we could always invent something....any suggestions?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 05:24 AM

Deano,

Do you know the song "I'm my own Grandpa", we could use that as a basis, full to cross marriages to existing relatives, probably a bit of incest thrown in there (best kept in the family anyway is incest)
Gold-diggers, Sugar Daddies, age gaps, to-gether with the mental trauma, insecurities, self doubt, self abuse, What we need is KJ to come up with the correct medical terms, I bet she's got whole books on the subjects

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 06:51 AM

Having just returned from Beverley Westwood Hospital X-Ray Unit, it would appear that I played on Saturday night with a fractured hand. I told you it hurt, SP. I have to go to HRI tomorrow morning....if it confirmed, and put in a cast, this may affect imminent activities of PTH.

Get me that lawyer, LH. I shall sue Triumph Motorcycles for loss of earnings....!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 07:06 AM

Nah mate a geeza like you won't need it putting in a cast - anyway its probably too late for that. Just don't wimper too loud when you're in the recording studio! Now if they have to amputate that's a different story........

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 07:37 AM

Step forward the bold Raggytash ................ I can C G F & Am, you do the strumming bit and I'll hold the chords .........Sorted

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 10:00 AM

Sounds like a plan, Raggy! SP offered to do the Bm's for me on Saturday....they were a real bummer!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 10:30 AM

Thank you for your response Peter, much more than I got from Mr C Thompson when I applied for the position of wringer out to a one armed window cleaner

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 01:25 PM

I can appear as an expert witness in the aforementioned legal activities, for a suitable fee of course.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 07:43 PM

Yes but who for?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 11:51 PM

they still havent sent me my donkey! :-(

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ
Date: 24 Sep 03 - 01:10 AM

It may well be in a tin of dog food by now jOhn.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 24 Sep 03 - 07:34 AM

See new thread The DeanMeister = The Bionic Guitarist for the latest news on this world imfamous pth star!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Sep 03 - 05:40 PM

They haven't sent your donkey yet? Well, Jone, if it's an ass you're after, our Conservative Party Premier of Ontario (Ernie Eves) is about to be voted out of office shortly. Only a few more days of Ernie here if all goes well. I'll see if we can ship him smartly to Hull after the election. Please PM me your address.

Look him up on the Net if you want to see his campaign BS...

http://www.premier.gov.on.ca/english/

- LH

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Gimpy
Date: 25 Sep 03 - 08:08 PM

Hello, mates. I'm a big fan of Punch the Horse, having seen the band perform on several occasions. I have always been fascinated by the name of the band, and wondered what inspired it. Last night, whilst ruminating on these matters at the pub, I decided around 1 AM to take decisive action and find out for myself what was the significance of the words "Punch the Horse".

Later that night on my way home I spotted an individual of the equine persuasion (a horse, that is) lounging about in a suspicious manner in the common. I determined that I would set him right (it was a stallion, quite obviously) by giving him a smart punch on the nose. However, on approaching said stallion, and he was a big one, I noted the evil look in his eye and became wary. I also noted that he was tethered securely to a bicycle rack. Very good. Instead of punching the horse from in front where the treacherous creature might bite me, I would approach from behind, where the beast would not be so well appraised of my intentions.

In due course I had maneuvered nonchalantly to the rear of the horse, not without I think arousing some suspicion though, because he nickered at least twice and kept glancing at me nervously over his shoulder.

Still, so far so good. Now it doesn't make much sense to actually punch a horse from behind, because they are so tall, so I decided to kick the nasty blighter instead. Taking a deep breath I let him have one good solid kick to the goolies!

I regret to say that things went somewhat awry at that point. I did indeed land the kick, but the horse, although quite discomfited, had the presence of mind to kick me back, not just with one foot, but with both hind feet! It was a horrific double impact which I should not wish to ever experience again, and it propelled me a good fifteen feet, landing me upsidedown in a waste disposal container which was full of nasty, smelly trash, and sharp objects. I sustained severe and possibly permanent damage to my own personal nether parts, if you follow me, a sprained knee, a wrenched Achilles tendon, and a lacerated left nostril, as well as an acute shortage of breath for some time afterward.

Not only that. The horse turned out to be a police horse, and the constable, who had been making a phone call, arrested me as soon as he had extricated me from the aforementioned waste disposal container.

I am now charged with assaulting a police horse, resisting arrest, and disturbing the peace.

I intend to sue them for all they've got and take it all the way to Buckingham Palace if I must, until justice is done!

Arthur "Gimpy" Starling

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 26 Sep 03 - 06:34 AM

I like the real story better.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 26 Sep 03 - 12:26 PM

tot's,
               so,this is what you get up to at 5am is it!
               I will have to keep an eye on you
                         el dad

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 27 Sep 03 - 11:57 AM

No dad you silly bugger, mudcat time is not the same as over here, it's about 5 hours behind!

And don't think just cause now you know how to use a computer n ya rekon ya real good that you can come on here and start tellin me what to do!!! So there.

(that'll tell him!)

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Gimpy
Date: 28 Sep 03 - 02:56 PM

I have not yet received a single post in support of my plight and September is almost over! This is disgraceful!!! The public must be prepared to rally round when policemen and horses conspire to persecute and injure innocent people. I fear that I will have to present my case again more forcefully on the November Punch the Horse thread if this unexpected silence continues. I also believe that Mudcat Cafe was knocked offline through the same conspiracy I have mentioned, by the way, so your interests are at stake here too, ladies and gentlemen!

Please direct contributions to the Arthur Starling Defence Fund c/o Beatrice Starling, 11 Ponsonby Road, Skegness, Lincolnshire.

Arthur "Gimpy" Starling

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Beverley Barton
Date: 29 Sep 03 - 03:48 AM

tots,
          watch it tots, or charmless gets it! glad you finally rolled up to catch back end of simon and steve! you should have seen whole set instead of warbling in oddfellows!
                         the true path!
                           el dad

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 29 Sep 03 - 05:00 AM

Boo

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 29 Sep 03 - 06:21 AM

There's no point threatening me ted, it won't work! touch my horse and your new bike with be sent to the srcap heap....and your guitars will be reduced to fire wood!!! so, You watch it!!! haha

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 04:52 AM

There is a distinct lack of drivel on this thread lately. I'm so upset that I shall have to console myself and visit this website vomit-making websites!.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 05:03 AM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I followed that link KJ what a terrible thing to do. God Oaklet will have a fit when he sees that.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 05:07 AM

KJ - what a lovely, lovely site. It made me want to rip off my Borg implant and smear oil of evening primrose into the road outside in order to calm the traffic.

I will now invent my pet dog Kenneth who despite suffering from canine Terrett's syndrome, lives a full and active life. I think that the site would benefit greatly from my contribution.

Are you having a slow day as well, by any chance?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 05:08 AM

Excellant!!!!!!!!!!! have added it to my "favourites".

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 05:19 AM

where were you last night then oakers old bean? Your absence has been noted and I have to inform you that all of that wonderful paraphanalia of the ROAB has been stolen (well at least its all gone) - now give it back the cows will not appreciate it.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 07:27 AM

Visit the website & view the last message!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 07:34 AM

LOL! Terrier? All those poor canine lovers could take this very seriously, you know. Is there no end to the global spread of PTH?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 07:37 AM

I think you'd make a very good terrier in the next life Pete! Are you going to have any physio on that hand of yours?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 07:44 AM

Erm, not entirely certain, Karen. The consultant I saw (a trad musician, incidentally, piper, guitarist and whistle player....Angus somebody....u know him?) said that playing my guitar would probably be physio enough! Hand is currently in pot, with wires holding the bones in place. I believe the wires come out in 4 weeks, and the pot removed in six. After that, erm, don't really know. But I'll be back.

Got appt for x-ray next wednesday. Keep ya posted.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 07:56 AM

Some of you have way too much time on your hands.... not to mention wires and plaster.

:0)

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 08:53 AM

Have a look at the vomit site. The last entry is worthy of here.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 08:59 AM

Oh, David!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 09:47 AM

woof woof when does her cd get the official release then david?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 10:24 AM

A good thing about college computers is that you have unlimited access to em, a bad thing is that you dont have unlimited access as to what you do on em.......the bastards have blocked KJ's site!!!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 11:34 AM

Hey Oaklet read the last post!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 11:58 AM

I've just added a comment about the hermaphoradite dog called Colin

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 12:22 PM

See new thrrad 9Punch the Horse in Octo-Bear Feast.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet
Date: 01 Oct 03 - 03:28 PM

They have made the diabetic dog site unaccessible. Is it to scrape the drivel from the messages section? If so - I blame Colin Thompson.

If I am wrong here, please shoot me, but did I read a reply to Skip's message about his heavily sedated dog that was a bit of a flame and venomously critised the owner of the disfunctional canine as the root cause of the pet's malaise?

KJ - have you more of these dire sites? They might be a suitable repository of the BS that so annoys the more sensitive amongst us.