Favorite Twisted songs

Subject: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Charcloth
Date: 12 Oct 03 - 09:29 PM

Hey folks I have a fondness for songs that are slightly twisted w/o being "vulgar" among my favorites is "Your always welcome at our house" that was recorded by the Clancy Brothers some years ago. It talks of greeting people & then killing them & putting them in the freezer & such. Another is John Barley corn the version that says " Fa la la, la, it's a lovely day" while the cut him up & all that to make home brewed ale.
Do you have any favorites too
Charcloth

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Amergin
Date: 12 Oct 03 - 09:34 PM

boys of bedlam

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 12 Oct 03 - 09:49 PM

I believe that "Your Always Welcome At Our House" is by Shel Silverstein, one of the all-time champions of this type of song. Silverstein's "A Boy Named Sue" and "25 Minutes To Go" were covered by Johnny Cash, otherwise considered a normal person.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Amergin
Date: 12 Oct 03 - 09:56 PM

Johnny Cash also did this one song about a boy who was set to be executed on his birthday...and it sings how he had been no where near the site of his crime...and that the governor refused to pardon him...but said he would wish him happy birthday...then you hear them singing the birthday song...and a trapdoor opening...and a neck snapping....

I can't remember the name of the song though....in fact its one of those odd ones that i'm not sure i like or not....

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Oct 03 - 10:10 PM

Well there's "The Irish Ballad (Rickety Tickety Tin)", about a young lady who systematically disposed of members of her family in various gruesome ways, by Tom Lehrer, and another one of his - "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park".

Jenny

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Oct 03 - 10:42 PM

Another delightful one is about the Welsh - it's in the DT

"Welsh History" often called "Welsh History 101"

Of course it all depends on your definition of "twisted"... :-)

Robin

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: alanabit
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 04:35 AM

That one which begins,
   "The baby died last night - of spinal meningitis..."
I am ashamed of the fact that I find it funny. But I do al the same.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: sian, west wales
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 05:04 AM

I suppose Sospan Fach is one of these in a way. In the first verse, Mary Ann's hurt her finger, a David the servant is ill, the baby in the crib in crying, and the cat's scratched little Johnny.

Then in the second verse, Mary Ann's finger is better, David is dead, the baby's asleep, and the cat has 'gone to it's rest' (ie dead too).

It isn't so much the words, as the gusto and great cheer with which the song is sung.

sian

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: muppett
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 05:27 AM

'There was an Old Women who lived in the Woods' is an Irish song about a women stabing a baby with a penknife.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 05:47 AM

Further than "Poisoning pigeons in the park" and "Rickety Tickety Tin", Tom Lehrer has a wealth of those. Just off the top of my head (as it were):

-"We will all go together when we go" about the prospect of a nuclear holocaust
-"I hold your hand in mine"
-"Masochism Tango"
-"My home town"

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Ritchie
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 07:21 AM

there's a nice musical hall song about 'Jack the ripper' but i cant remember who it's by.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Joybell
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 08:44 AM

Lamkin. Oh yes! definitly Lamkin. Child 93.
Lamkin and the nurse "stick the little baby with needles and pins" to attract the attention of mother so that she can be murdered too. Eventually
"There was blood on the carpet and blood in the hall
And blood in the nursery and blood over all."
There's lots more horror in the middle.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: GUEST,reggie miles
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 09:14 AM

One of my favorites is not a song but a story by James Copp III called Peaches and Myrtle. Mr Copp accents his story with piano much like a sound track does for a movie. I found it on a 78rpm and have tried to obtain other similar material from the folks who now possess the rights to his songs and their distribution but to no avail. They have not contacted me further about the matter. Drat! I love his particular twist. He is not remembered for this sort material that he recorded in the fifties, rather for the childrens stories and songs that he wrote in the sixties.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 09:23 AM

Then there is the old story about the person (lord of the manor style) who comes home to be told "nothing happened while you were away", exccept....
and each verse a little more of the story (read total catastrophe!) unrolls...

There is a version in the DT but I don't remember the name.

It was also a popular music hall spoked act.

Robin

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 09:26 AM

There's the "Merry Minuet." Lehrer also wrote "So Long Mom, I'm Off To Drop The Bomb." I've always liked Silverstein's "Slithery Dee," too. There's that poem/song that starts "Hammacher Schlemmer is selling a shelter/Reminiscent of Kubla Khan's Xanadu dome...." Or "It Was A Helluva Funeral."

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: GUEST,weerover
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 10:35 AM

How about Loudon Wainwright - "Clockwork Chartreuse", to name but one of his offbeat offerings?

wr

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: GUEST,weerover
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 10:36 AM

Not to forget Randy Newman - "Short People", or Patrick Sky - "Rattlesnake Mountain"

wr

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Charcloth
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 10:38 AM

I Love it! But I gotta wonder why wwe like these twisted little numbers.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: JennyO
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 10:52 AM

Two from the Digitrad -

ISN'T IT GRAND BOYS

and one that my friend Simon sings -

DEAD PUPPIES

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 11:04 AM

"Nobody's Moggie Now" by Eric Bogle..one of many dead cat songs. "Body in the Bag" is another...I forget the author.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE FATEFUL WEDDING (Chad Morgan)
From: HuwG
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 03:23 PM

Wella Wella (sometimes also spelt "Weile Weile"), and The Fatal Wedding, both in the DT.

I heard an Australian song, also titled "The Fateful Wedding" some years ago:


THE FATAL WEDDING
As recorded by Chad Morgan on “The A-Z of Chad Morgan” 2016.

The groom stood there, waiting for his bride,
The best man shivering by his side.
On him the smell of stale sheep dip
And a flask of brandy on his hip.

He knew he'd trod that last long mile
As his dear walked slowly down the aisle.
This was the day he was waiting for
When he'd get in for his cut and more

Of her old man's station and his gold
As soon as wedding bells had tolled.
Fortune sure had smiled his way.
This was indeed his lucky day.

But the bride she died at the altar.
The bridegroom died next day.
The parson dropped dead in the churchyard
As he was about to pray.

The hearse capsized at the crossroads.
It couldn't make the turn,
And the people stood and cheered like mad
As they watched the old church burn.

And then the heavens broke open.
The rain it started to fall,
And the whole flaming town got washed away,
And there was no one left at all.


I'll try and find out more details on it.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Cluin
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 03:30 PM

One I've just heard: Seamus Kennedy's Old MacDonald's Deformed Farm. Funniest song I've heard in years.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 13 Oct 03 - 11:09 PM

I heard another version of The Fatal Happening, where eventually everybody in the village ends up over the cliff, including the person in the wheelchair, the priest, the tourist bus and the ambulance...

Robin

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: GUEST,Suzanne
Date: 14 Oct 03 - 12:01 AM

The Lizzie Borden song!

...Well they really kept her hoppin'
On that fateful afternoon
With both up and downstairs choppin'
while she hummed a ragtime tune...

Subject: Lyr Add: THE HEAD (Bernard Bolan)
From: Clean Supper
Date: 14 Oct 03 - 06:46 AM

Bernard Bolan´s song "The Head"

I´ll tell a tale as black as night, as grim as grim can be,
Of the day I paid my mortgage down at the AMP,
Directed to the 15th floor, into the lift I got,
A feller´s head came in after me but the rest of him did not.

The doors closed like a guillotine, the lift flew like a bird,
All the way to the 15th floor, the head said not a word,
When I got into the office, the mortgage man did say:
"Keeping ahead of your payments sir, then he fainted clean away"

Just a little head, nearly round and very red,
Came into my lift and life that day,
Just a little head but as the AMP man said:
Not wishing to seem funny but we only want your money,
And we´d rather that you took your head away:"

2. When I got out to the entrance hall, the crowd had formed a queue,
Which stretched right up to Hunter St., the headless man to view,
When I walked out with my newfound friend, not a word was said,
So busy with his body, no-one bothered with his head.

Once away from all the crush, I studied my new head,
With piggy eyes and double chin he must have been well-fed,
He looked a trifle thirsty and a pub I did perceive,
So I bought my head a schooner but he leaked all down my sleeve.

Just a little head, nearly round and very dead,
The fruits of automation´s gentle arts,
Just a little head but as the ambulance man said:
"Well I´m very good with shoulders and with backbones bent by boulders,
But there´s little one can do without the parts."

3. Like Ann Boleyn I walked around the Stock Exchange that day,
The market fell and with the smell the brokers moved away,
I got into the library and a chappie grabbed my sleeve,
"It´ll have to stay out here," he said, "collect it when you leave."

But in the end like all good things our friendship had to cease,
So I took my head to Phillips St. to the sergeant of police,
He sent me first to homicide and then the CID,
And finally, lost property, who´d got another three.

Just a little head so be careful where you tread,
If you step round to the cop shop any day,
Just a little head but as the chief inspector said:
"It´s been noted and inspected, and if it is not collected,
You can come and take your bloody head away."

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BALLAD OF JACK THE RIPPER
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 14 Oct 03 - 07:12 AM

Richie here's the song that you mentioned:

THE BALLAD OF JACK THE RIPPER
(Words by Horace Phlange & James Home. Music by Thornton G. Roper)

It happened in Whitechapel in the year of '88,
When several naughty ladies met a rather gruesome fate.
Their murd'rer prowled the East End streets, and though it sounds absurd,
When they cried out, "Do you want a bit?" 'e took them at their word.

Oh, Jack the Ripper, 'e carved his way to fame.
Nobody ever saw him, but they all knew his name.
And when the mist is swirling thick around the Thames-side mud,
'Is ghost still 'aunts the silent streets, looking for some blood.

They found a woman's body in a nasty state one night.
The coroner 'e laughed and smiled to see the gory sight.
The p'lice thought this improper, as the street with blood was speckled.
"Who is that man?" the inspector asked. They answered, "Doctor Jeck'll."

Now Sherlock Holmes was on the spot and said, "I'll bet my shirt,
This villain Jack the Ripper must be the Prince Albert."
As he stepped back, the place went black, for all the gas lamps fused,
And even Queen Victoria said, "We are not amused".

A girl was walking down the street in Aldgate after dark.
Now Jack the Ripper menaced her, tho' only for a lark.
She fled into a barber's shop, not looking where she trod,
But it couldn't have been 'er night, because his name was Sweeney Todd.

Th'inspector was called out one night t'observe a special case.
The lady had been lacerated right up to her face.
When someone asked him, "Why d'you think 'e's made 'er such a mess?"
The inspector said, "She must have been a cut above the rest!".

Now Jack, 'e was a family man what lived wiv 'is old mum.
They sat down every night to supper when the day was done.
And when his muvver asked him, "Jack, fetch me a piece of tart."
'E said, "D'you want a change this week, or the usual ribs and heart?"


I think that the aforementioned "Sweeney Todd" is another song/recit of the same ilk.

The late Jake Thackray wrote quite a few songs, which although the humour tends to be sexual rather than violent, probably don't cross the line into "vulgar" ie "The Bantam Cock", "Sister Josephine", "Isabel Makes Love".

Dave Goulder's "The Sexton and the Carpenter" is probably one of my favourite gory folksongs.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BALLAD OF ALFERD PACKER (Phil Ochs)
From: GUEST,reggie miles
Date: 14 Oct 03 - 07:17 AM

The Ballad of Alferd Packer by Phil Ochs is a well-written twisted tale. I understand that this song was based on an actual event of cannibalism that took place in the Rocky Mountains. Kind o' makes ya hungry just thinkin' about it. ;0)

The Ballad of Alferd Packer - Phil Ochs


In the state of Colorado
In the year of seventy-four
They crossed the San Juan Mountains
Growing hungry to the core.
Their guide was Alferd Packer
And they trusted him too long:
For his character was weak
And his appetite was strong.

They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief.
It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef.

Along the Gunnison River
An Indian camp they spied.
An Indian chief approached them,
To stop them he did try.
He warned them of the danger
In the snow that lay around,
But the danger was in Packer,
For his hunger knew now bound.

They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief.
It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef.

Two cold months went slowly by;
Packer came back alone.
"My comrades they all froze to death,
I'm starving," he did moan.
The Indian chief knew how he lied,
He spat upon the ground,
For Packer's belly hung out all over his belt:
He'd gained some thirty pounds.

They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief.
It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef.

Well for nine long years, he ran away
But finally he was tried.
He claimed he didn't kill them,
He only ate their hide.
That County had six dem-o-crats
Until that man arrived.
Well only one lives on today:
He ate the other five.

They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief.
It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef.

Eighteen years he stayed in jail,
It was a dreadful fate,
For he suffered indigestion
Every time he ate.
Still, it's hard to blame this hungry guy
Who went searchin' for the mines,
For when he ate his friends
He'd never heard of Duncan Hines.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Kevin Sheils
Date: 14 Oct 03 - 09:53 AM

Don't know that Jack the Ripper one Dave but my old friend Andrew Paige who was mentioned in another thread by Countess Richard as the author of the Woodstock spoof We're from Willesden, We're from Harlesden..... wrote a JtR song that I've not heard since 1974'ish.

The only lines I can recall are

The Police are searching high and low
They don't know who this sinner is
The found one of her feet in Leadenhall Street
And the other one in the Minories

As I only tend to see Andrew at Towersey Festival, this thread may well be as dead as one of the victims by the time I get the rest.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: saulgoldie
Date: 14 Oct 03 - 10:23 AM

"Oh, Colorado's Calling Me" from a National Lampoon album always comes to mind.

Subject: Lyr Add: WITH HER HEAD TUCKED UNDERNEATH HER ARM
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 14 Oct 03 - 12:41 PM

I think I have Jim Kweskin's version of this. Note that it is not easy to find such a song that is not by Lehrer or Silverstein.



ANNE BOLEYN
(R.L. Weston and Bert Lee.)

In the Tower of London, large as life,
The ghost of Anne Boleyn walks, they declare.
For Anne Boleyn was once King Henry's wife,
Until he had the headsman bob her hair.
Oh, yes, he did her wrong long years ago,
And she comes back at night to tell him so.
Chorus:
With her 'ead tucked underneath her arm,
She walks the bloody Tower,
With her head tucked underneath her arm,
At the midnight hour.
She comes to haunt King Henry, she means giving him what-for
Gadzooks, she's going to tell him off, for spilling of her gore.
And just in case the headsman wants to give her encore,
She has her head tucked underneath her arm.
Now sometimes gay King Henry gives a spread,
For all his pals and gals, a ghastly crew,
The 'eadsman carve the joint and cuts the bread,
When in comes Anne Boleyn to queer the do.
She holds her head up with a wild war whoop,
And Henry cries, "don't drop it in the soup!"
She walks the endless corridors, for miles and miles she goes,
She often catches cold, poor dear, it's drafty when it blows,
And it's awfully, awfully awkward for the queen to blow her nose,
With her head tucked underneath her arm.
The sentries think that it's a football that she carries in,
And when they've had a few they shout, "Is Army going to win?"
They think that it's Red Grange instead of poor old Anne Boleyn
With her head tucked underneath her arm.
One night she caught King Henry, he was in the canteen bar,
He said, "Are you Jane Seymour, Anne Boleyn, or Catherine Parr?
Well, how are?
With your head tucked underneath your arm?
Recorded in the early 30s by, of all people, Rudy Vallee; also
(later, I think) by Stanley Holloway. RG
Note: Henry VIII only beheaded two of his wives -
Anne Boleyn and Kate Howard. Remember : divorced
(Katherine of Aragon), beheaded(Anne B), died (Jane
Seymour); divorced (Anne of Cleves), beheaded (Kate
Howard), survived(Kate Parr). (SOF)
"The guards all think that it's a football that she carries in
And when they've had a few, they shout "Is Arsenal going to win?"
They think that it's Alec James instead of poor old Anne Boleyn etc."
and
"for how the sweet san fairy ann do I know who you are"
(a later addition)
The sentries think that Anee is hauling 'round a rugby ball;
When dinner's done they'll push the chairs and tables to the wall
And then the'll choose up sides and kick the Queen around the hall!
With 'er 'ead tucked underneath 'er arm!
@death @historical @humor
filename[ ANNEBOL
DC

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Oct 03 - 01:40 PM

foolestroupe...that sounds like Billy Connolly's country song.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Barbara
Date: 14 Oct 03 - 10:12 PM

And there's always Tom Lehrer's Oedipus Rex (When he saw what he had done/He poked his eyes out, one by one/A sorry ending for a loyal son who/Loved his mother). I see what you mean about Lehrer and Silverstein having a corner on the market, but I think my all time fave is Mrs. Ravoon, though, spookily enough, the title link seems to have vanished from DT, and I could only find it with a phrase out of the song.
You particularly don't want to sing this one, and these verses at a dinner party:

I stood by the water, so green and thick,
And I stirred at the scum with my old, withered stick,
When there rose from the depths of the limpid lagoon
The luminous body of Mrs. Ravoon.

I pulled in my line and I took my first look
At the half-eaten horror that hung from my hook.
I had dragged from the depths of that limpid lagoon
The bloated cadaver of Mrs. Ravoon.

Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Charcloth
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 12:03 AM

Thanks for posting Anne Boleyn

Subject: Lyr Add: AROUND THE CORNER (Marais and Miranda)
From: LadyJean
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 12:23 AM

Mom owned a set of Joseph Marais and Miranda 78s from which I learned the following:

A-ROUND THE CORNER
As recorded by Marais and Miranda on “Joseph Marais and Miranda Revisit the South African Veld” 2013.

1. Tonight all the folks will cut the corn. (cut the corn)
Tonight I'll be glad that I was born. (I was born)
Little Emily I'll see.
She'll be cutting corn with me,
And we'll meet beneath the bitterberry tree.

CHORUS: Around the corner, ooh-ooh, beneath the berry tree,
Along the footpath, behind the bush, looking for Emily.
Around the corner, woo-oo, woo-ooo, woo-oo.

2. Tonight all the stars are shining bright. (shining bright)
Tonight all the cornfields are a sight. (are a sight)
And my sickle pleases me
As I swing it lustily,
But I wonder where my Emily can be. CHORUS

3. Tonight I have stopped my reaping soon. (reaping soon)
Tonight there’s a smiling happy moon. (happy moon)
I have reached the meeting spot
But my Emily is not
Where she promised; can it be that she forgot? CHORUS

4. Tonight as the moon begins to sink, (begins to sink)
Tonight there are footsteps which I think (which I think)
Will at last bring her to me,
That young maiden Emily,
And I wonder why so late she has to be. CHORUS

5. O Emily, why did you make me wait? (make me wait)
“I'm late 'cause I had another date.” (another date)
It was plain for me to see
She'd been keeping company
With another man beneath another tree. CHORUS

6. Tonight all the folks will cut the corn. (cut the corn)
Tonight I am sad and so forlorn, (so forlorn)
For my Emily was fickle,
So I used my sharp old sickle,
And the blood beneath the berry tree does trickle. CHORUS


Marais and Miranda finished the song with one more rendition of that cheery little chorus, wooo oos and all.

I learned the John Jacob Niles version of Lambkin from Martha McGhee at School for Scottish Arts. It has a pretty little tune. I've always enjoyed singing it.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 03:51 AM

Muppet...

It's the same favourite as mine.. it's called Wellia Wellia walllye (phonetic)...

She stuck a penknife in the babie's head...
Welliea Wellia Waaallye
She stuck a penknife in the babie's head...
Down by the river sawwwwyeeeee

(ok, well, that's the version I always hear - and I never do hear the words properly as the fella that sings it has usually had a few...

Ella

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: alanabit
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 04:24 AM

Tom Lehrer and Shel Silverstein were the masters of this genre, of course. Tom Lehrer's, "I Hold Your Hand In Mine" outstrips even Monty Python for inspired bad taste in my book.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 04:24 AM

Not a full song but the lines from 'Boys of Bedlam' and he a long knife carries. For to cut mince pies from childrens thighs, with which to feed the faries. Always crackes me up :-) The jolly song about the Titanic which happily goes 'Husbands and wives, little children lost their lives' is a good one. And I can never remember the title but there is one about a soldier loosing his legs that sounds very jolly until you listen to the words! (Now he's got no legs at all, they were both shot away by a cannonball with my ru-tum-ta, foll-di-riddle-da etc.)

The first posting mentions John Barleycorn. Don't forget this is not strictly of this ilk as it is not about a person. John Barleycorn is allegorical for the crops being sown, reaped mowed etc. before being brewed into beer!

Cheers

Dave the Gnome

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: GUEST,Nigel
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 06:45 AM

Try Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds "Murder Ballads"

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Snuffy
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 08:47 AM

Ella

In Weile Waile (or WELLA, WELLA in the DT), I've always heard it as the baby's heart rather than its head in the Dubliner's version.

This song is a variant of The Cruel Mother which is Child's #20, with many versions in the DT and Forum. And there are plenty more gruesome ballads in the Child collection.

WassaiL! V

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: nancyjo
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 06:06 PM

How about Buddy Knox's "I think I'm gonna kill myself".

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Deckman
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 06:18 PM

One of my favorites is a poem by W.S. Gilbert, of Gilbert & Sullivan fame. It's "The Ryme of The Nacy Bell." It tell the tale of a shipwreck that left all the crew adrift. One by one, the survivors are reduced in number as they draw lots to see who next be eaten. The tale is told by the last survior. Quite a delicous tale, if you will! CHEERS, Bob

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Gareth
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 07:02 PM

Foolst

Welsh History 101, may be twisted, but it also highly accurate !!!!

Gareth,

PDQ the "Anne Bolyn" song is an old music hall song. An gert funny !

Gareth

Subject: Lyr Add: TO KEEP MY LOVE ALIVE (Rodger & Hart)
From: Stewie
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 07:17 PM

Here's a favourite of mine. I came by it decades ago on an album titled 'All In Good Time' by a UK folk group called Six Hands In Tempo. A charming piece of Broadway-style nonsense:


TO KEEP MY LOVE ALIVE
(R.Rodgers/L. Hart)

I've been married and married and come to assume
I'm never the best man, I'm always the groom
I've never divorced them, I hadn't the heart
But remember these sweet words: 'Till death do us part'

I married many girls, a ton of them
And never was untrue to none of them
Because I bumped off every one of them
To keep my love alive

Lucille was frail, she looked a wreck to me
At night, she was a horse's neck to me
So I performed an appendectomy
To keep my love alive

Christina had insomnia
She couldn't sleep at night
I mixed a little arsenic
She's sleeping now all right

Dolores played the harp, I cussed the thing
I crowned her with the harp to bust the thing
And now she plays where harps are just the thing
To keep my love alive

I thought Suzanne had possibilities
But her flirtation made me ill at ease
And when I'm ill at ease, I kill at ease
To keep my love alive

Charlotte came from the sanatorium
And yelled for drinks in my emporium
I mixed one drink, she's in memorium
To keep my love alive

Maria was a nightingale
A singing bird that's why
I tossed her off my balcony
To keep my love alive

Joanna she indulged in fratricide
She killed her dad and that was patricide
One night, I stabbed her by my mattresside
To keep my love alive (x3)

--Stewie.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Joybell
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 07:18 PM

There are 3 songs all called "The Fatal Wedding" All three are good. The "shivering groom" one up there a bit is by Australian Chad Morgan. I am almost sure it predates Billy Connelly's.
The third and oldest is by Gussie Davis who gave us "The Baggage (luggage in England) Van Ahead". It gives an account of a wedding in the middle of a cold and wintery night (for undisclosed reasons) where a mother holding her little baby asks to go in where it's warm because the baby is nigh unto death. At the question "is there anyone present...etc." the aforementioned mother holds up her now deceased baby and says that it is proof that the groom is already married to her. Most of the cast are buried except the parents of the bride and the mother who go off together. It was a great hit towards the end of the 19th century.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 10:01 PM

OK Joybell, I think it might be the Chad Morgan one I was thinking of.

If it's not in the DT, can you (or someone) post it in a new thread please?

Dave - the soldier losing his legs is likely the old classic 'Mrs McGrath" - should be in the DT.

Robin

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: LadyJean
Date: 15 Oct 03 - 10:06 PM

Why hasn't anyone mentioned Loudon Wainwright's classic "Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road". "You got your dead skunk in the middle of the road stinkin' to hiiiiiiiiiigh heaven!" Always a favorite of mine.

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: alanabit
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 02:34 AM

He also does a Beach Boys parody, which is a cheerful song about surfing until a shark starts nibbling peoples' toes!

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 02:52 AM

monty python's medical love song

Subject: RE: Favorite Twisted songs
From: Joybell
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 03:54 AM

OOps! two songs called "The Fatal Wedding" and one called "My Granny's a Cripple in Nashville". Sorry. I'll take a look for Chad Morgan's song and post it if it's not in the data base.

Subject: Lyr Add: THREE MEN FROM BRISTOL
From: JennyO
Date: 16 Oct 03 - 12:31 PM

This one regularly pops up in sessions around here:

THREE MEN FROM BRISTOL

(each line should be sung twice, first by the lead singer and then by everyone together, before proceeding to the next line.)

There were three men from Bristol City
(repeat)
They stole a ship, and went to sea.
(repeat, and so on . . .)

There was Gorging Jack and Guzzling Jimmy
And also Little Boy Billee.

They took three packets of Arnotts Biscuits
And one large bottle of Drambuie

But when they reached the broad Atlantic
They'd nothing left, but one split pea.

Says Gorging Jack to Guzzling Jimmy
"There's nothing to eat, so I'm gonna eat thee."

Says Guzzling Jimmy "I'm old and toughish.
So let's eat Little Boy Billee."

"Oh, Little Boy Billee, we're going to kill and eatcha.
So undo the top button, of your little . . chemise."

"Oh may I say my catechism,
That my dear Mother taught to me."

He's climbed up to the main top gallant
And there he fell . . upon his knee.

But when he reached the Eleventh Commandment
He cried "Yo Ho! for land I see!"

"I see Jerusalem! . . and Madagascar!
And North and South Amerikay!"

"I see the British fleet at anchor!.
And Admiral Nelson, . . K.C.B. !"

They hung Gorging Jack, and Guzzling Jimmy,
But they made an Admiral out of little boy Billee.