BS: Contraband Bologna

Subject: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 05:40 PM

Illegal Mexican Bologna Bust

This was just too bizarre....

You may see me tonight with an illegal sausage
It don't cost very much but it........ what the hell rhymes with sausage?

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Peace
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 05:49 PM

lossage (does it have to be a word?)

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 05:58 PM

Given the recent deaths from Mexican green onions served at Chi Chi's, unrefrigerated bologna - yuck.

My bologna has a first name
It's hepatitis A
My bologna has a second name.
It's bacteriayea.
I love to eat it so you see
Though uninspected meat it be
With no freeze pack nor crushed ice cube
And a $4 buck savings each per tube.

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Peace
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 06:23 PM

Anyone who likes law or sausage should never watch either one being made. (Anyone know who coined that old saw?)

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 07:27 PM

Depending upon your song, Kim C, perhaps "meany"? :)

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 07:39 PM

Listeria rhymnes with Wisteria. Maybe one of you poetic types can work that in somewhere?

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 07:51 PM

Mark Twain, I think, Brucie.

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:06 PM

CHORUS
Oh, he loves bologna
My brother Tony
He eats it and spreads it around.

He eats it with jelly, with mustard, with jam
It can come from Italy, Greece, or Siam
But no matter what happens or anyone says
He never will touch the stuff from Juarez.

CHORUS




Somebody else finish this. Please.

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Peace
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:15 PM

He loves the sausage,
But when there's lossage,


Someone else finish THIS. Please.

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:16 PM

Nothin' could be fina
Than some thickly sliced trichina
In the mooooor-ning

My bologna may be from a piggie
Or a donkey's posterior end
It may include maggots,
And though I may gag, it's
Likely just man's best friend

Of kitties, it might take a lot
To catch that many rats is a feat
But it's cheap, this balogna
And though it is phoney
What do I care as long as it's meat?

So, I'll continue to play 'hide the sausage'
In the back seat of my little truck
The USDA
Will not have a say
And they can all take a flying bandersnatch

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:22 PM

Ha! It is too a word!

"lossage /los'*j/ /n./

The result of a bug or malfunction. This is a mass or collective noun. "What a loss!" and "What lossage!" are nearly synonymous. The former is slightly more particular to the speaker's present circumstances; the latter implies a continuing lose of which the speaker is currently a victim. Thus (for example) a temporary hardware failure is a loss, but bugs in an important tool (like a compiler) are serious lossage."

From here.

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Amos
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 08:30 PM

There once was an old man from Osage
Who sickened on Mexican sausage!
When he heard from his paw
It had all been outlawed
He allowed it weren't much of a lossage!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Kim C
Date: 24 Nov 03 - 10:25 PM

You guys are too much!!!! And the funniest part is, I had fried bologna for breakfast! But it was the German kind.

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Mickey191
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 01:38 AM

Twain said: Two things you never want to see,
            Sausage being made, and congress at work.





Is congress at work an oxymoron?

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: rangeroger
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 02:01 AM

Sort of gives a whole new meaning to tuck and roll upholstery.

rr

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Hrothgar
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 02:51 AM

Is German bologna some kind of paradox?

Do imports from Mexico run into many snags?

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Jeri
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 08:24 AM

Imported meat from anywhere runs into snags. If you fly over here on an airplane and you have a sausage in your pocket that you plan on eating later, it will be confiscated if it's found. It's the USDA (US Department of Agriculure) rules.

I assume they allow meat products that have been inspected by an organization similar to the USDA and they have some way of telling, but customs inspectors at borders and airports don't have the authority to allow ANY meat products into the country. I don't know that that's true of Canadian products, but if they have an inspection system similar to ours (which doesn't allow things we don't allow) then there's a blanket agreement to allow Canadian meat in.

I was once trained by the USDA to do customs inspections on military aircraft, but never did it. I just checked aircraft for bugs and dirt and other people checked passengers, crew and luggage for illegal stuff.

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Kim C
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 08:27 AM

That's why I couldn't have a haggis imported from Scotland for Robert Burns Day. Shoot!

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Peg
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 09:08 AM

ahem...y'all are disgusting! ;) Those are some great lyrics. I think.

For those who like bologna, but can't bring themselves ever to touch it again after reading this, good news! It is now possible to get REAL mortadella in the U.S. (various laws used to make it difficult). I can get some terrific stuff in the North End, the Italian neighborhood of Boston. It's like bologna with little bits of fat in it, sometimes prepared with peppercorns of pistachios. It makes a lovely sandwich with provolone on chewy bread with nothing else...

I will bring some to the next Mudcat gathering I attend in the Northeast...hint hint. Anyone with a bigger house than me want to host it? I'll come early and stay late to cook or clean!

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 09:20 AM

mortadella! excellent stuff. We use it as part of the filling when we make homemade tortellini

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 10:15 AM

You should be careful - it could really be the knockwurst from 'Allo, 'Allo containing the missing Van Clomp painting "The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies".

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 12:34 PM

I've seen something called mortadella in the grocery deli - is it a cleaned-up, sanitized version of real mortadella?

Mister was amused by a sign in the deli advertising Butt Cappy. I told him I believe that's capicola, which I think is sort of like salami, but I'm not sure what butts have to do with it...

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 01:09 PM

Cappicolo is closer to ham than sausage - but spicy

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Peg
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 01:26 PM

Kim;
yes there are certainly some lesser mortadellas out there. The real stuff will run you a bit more money, but not bad,   I think around $6.00 a pound. (I have not gotten it in a while) Ask the deli where it comes from. If it is imported from Italy it's the good stuff.

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Peace
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 01:36 PM

I recall reading in about 1966 or 1967 that the State of New York passed a law making it mandatory that any sausage being brought into the State had to be at least 20% meat or meat by-products. I will not comment.

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 25 Nov 03 - 01:57 PM

Hey, anything good in the deli at $6 a pound, around here anyway, is a good deal. Publix sells Boars Head meats which usually run about $7-$8 a pound.

So if I was to get some mortadella, what would I do with it? I have rarely met a sausage I didn't like.

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: Peace
Date: 29 Nov 03 - 03:33 PM

Reminds me of the Martian spacecraft that crashed near a deli in NYC. Martian goes in and says, "Let me have a spare tire, please." Deli ownwer doesn't understand. Martian points to a bagel. Deli guy says, "They're not spare tires; you eat them." Martian takes a taste and says, "Wow! These would go good with lox and cream cheese."

Subject: RE: BS: Contraband Bologna
From: open mike
Date: 29 Nov 03 - 04:35 PM

YES I recently saw the USDA at work
confiscating a traveller's sausage
collection which they had picked out
at the "duty free" shop at a European
airport (Amsterdam) it all went into
the trash bin (or the agent's
refridgerator??)a huge loss I am sure-

what was that book (was it Sinclair Lewis or
Upton Sinclair) about packing plants and the
meat industry?? I think it was based in
Chicago or somewhere near the Great Lakes.

and the ads below are for
"make your own sausage"
and cajun ham.