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MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003

GUEST,ducks cats dogs birds fish squid 01 Dec 04 - 09:34 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 04 - 09:19 PM
GUEST,Creature of the briney deep 01 Dec 04 - 09:07 PM
Stilly River Sage 01 Dec 04 - 08:57 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 04 - 08:48 PM
Amos 01 Dec 04 - 06:46 PM
MMario 01 Dec 04 - 06:46 PM
Liz the Squeak 01 Dec 04 - 06:30 PM
Dani 01 Dec 04 - 06:12 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 04 - 05:39 PM
wysiwyg 01 Dec 04 - 04:49 PM
MBSLynne 01 Dec 04 - 04:20 PM
MMario 01 Dec 04 - 04:13 PM
Cluin 01 Dec 04 - 03:51 PM
Geoff the Duck 26 Dec 03 - 04:08 PM
Stilly River Sage 26 Dec 03 - 12:39 PM
GUEST,MMario 26 Dec 03 - 11:01 AM
Stilly River Sage 25 Dec 03 - 11:17 PM
Liz the Squeak 25 Dec 03 - 06:42 PM
Roger the Skiffler 25 Dec 03 - 03:22 AM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 25 Dec 03 - 01:18 AM
Liz the Squeak 24 Dec 03 - 09:38 PM
The Fooles Troupe 24 Dec 03 - 09:00 PM
MAG 24 Dec 03 - 08:57 PM
Little Hawk 24 Dec 03 - 07:52 PM
Geoff the Duck 24 Dec 03 - 04:31 PM
Catherine Jayne 24 Dec 03 - 02:23 PM
GUEST,Kringle 24 Dec 03 - 02:07 PM
Liz the Squeak 24 Dec 03 - 09:30 AM
Rustic Rebel 23 Dec 03 - 11:05 PM
Gareth 23 Dec 03 - 07:28 PM
MMario 23 Dec 03 - 07:19 PM
Liz the Squeak 23 Dec 03 - 06:54 PM
Geoff the Duck 23 Dec 03 - 08:32 AM
Dave Bryant 23 Dec 03 - 08:16 AM
Liz the Squeak 23 Dec 03 - 06:49 AM
Dave Bryant 23 Dec 03 - 05:57 AM
GUEST,Edwina the Mermaid 23 Dec 03 - 01:35 AM
My guru always said 22 Dec 03 - 08:11 PM
GUEST,MMario 22 Dec 03 - 03:51 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 03 - 03:49 PM
Geoff the Duck 22 Dec 03 - 02:33 PM
GUEST,MMario 22 Dec 03 - 01:39 PM
Stilly River Sage 22 Dec 03 - 12:41 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 03 - 08:06 AM
The Fooles Troupe 22 Dec 03 - 07:50 AM
Rapparee 22 Dec 03 - 07:36 AM
Dave Bryant 22 Dec 03 - 04:47 AM
GUEST,Edwina the Mermaid 22 Dec 03 - 12:35 AM
Rapparee 21 Dec 03 - 10:33 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,ducks cats dogs birds fish squid
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 09:34 PM

exit, stage left


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 09:19 PM

Shove him through here! And jump through yourself, this place is a tinderbox!

Catch! Here's Bert's credit card!


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,Creature of the briney deep
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 09:07 PM

Ack! Shut the door or turn off the light!

Bitch and moan. . . your breath would smell like this also if you'd been asleep in a Frigidaire© for the last three months. Someone shut the door on me early in the fall, and everyone left in a hurry. . .

Splatt

now on the floor, a tentacle reaches out and delicately strokes Rapaire's thigh and Susan's ankle then he quietly humps and slithers out the door leaving a slime trail behind him


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 08:57 PM

Wait!!!

Don't DO that--it's the squid--wake him up slowly and he'll leave on his own. I bet if you uncover the hot tub out on the patio he'll head that direction.


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 08:48 PM

Dang it all! Missed!

That's some nasty sucker in there. Whoa, those tentacles have suckers bigger'n the hubcaps on a '59 Cadillac!

Ah, Mario, the wall seems to be on fire. I may have kinda sprayed the flame around a bit too much....


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 06:46 PM

But bring that old firehose, just in case.....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: MMario
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 06:46 PM

Ready Rapaire? On the count of three....

One...

Two...

THREE!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 06:30 PM

Last time you did that to the piano, someone was sick up in the shallow end, which is why no-one ever plays 'Fur Elise' on it anymore.

Shall we adjourn to the new place next door? It's a bit cleaner, this place looks like someone tried to stuff a duck...... with a melodeon!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Dani
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 06:12 PM

I'm up for a little cleaning - work I can see the results of!! Let's do it! We'll feel so much better when it's done, then we can sit back and drink some warm spiced wine while someone with a little more creative energy does a little decorating.

I brought some cheez doodles, some leftover grilled chicken and an apple pie. Not quite ready for holiday music, so how 'bout we just hum a little. If we get that piano cleaned up SOMEONE'S bound to show up and play it!

Dani


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 05:39 PM

Mario, you open the fridge door -- quickly and from the side and make sure you stand out of the way. I've got a flamethrower/disinfectant sprayer combination here that will definitely take care of whatever's in there.

Okay, get ready....


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 04:49 PM

Fugg it!

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: MBSLynne
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 04:20 PM

Urgh! You're right, it's disgusting in here! Quick MMario, wake Cluin up and let's get this place cleaned up before everybody starts to arrive.......


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: MMario
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 04:13 PM

Someone want to warp the tavern through a sub-space continium or three unti it's clean? I am *NOT* cooking in that kitchen. Something got left in the fridge and I think it has evolved.


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 03:51 PM

Yep. It's real quiet in here.

Ahhhhhhh.


ZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 04:08 PM

Geoff the Duck espies a free space under the corner table. He waddles across, and fluffs up his feathers. He listento the sound of James Brown on the Juke-box, singing "!Get Down" and thinks - that sounds like a good idea. He takea a final look around at the green jello and pine needle splattered barroom, waves a quiet farewell to the occupants of the Mudcat Christmas Tavern, and curls up under the table to wait for early door opening next year.....
Quack.......
GtD.


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 12:39 PM

Wow! Can you build ME one of those, Mmario? Oh, wait, my kids have on of those already. . . it's called "Mom's kitchen." But I'd like one--put me on your waiting list, please.

Sage looks back into the tavern from the kitchen door to see that the leftover food has been placed in nicely-fitting Tupperware and the bartender moves to place the containers into the built-in restaurant-sized fridge down at the end beyond the bar. You'd never know it was there if you hadn't seen where he found the door handle. Looks like there are leftovers for everyone once they wake up from the naps that seem to be happening all around the tavern. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 11:01 AM

and the beauty of having a party in the Tavern?

tosses a few more dirty plates into the kitchen - then closes the door - and re-opens to display a shining new clean kitchen - cupboards fully stocked, dishes sparkling


NO CLEANUP!


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Dec 03 - 11:17 PM

There's still a little Apple Betty left over there also, for anyone who has room for some extra high-octane calories.

Sage sends Moonglow up into the rafters to disengage the tree from the harness. Several animals have apparently imprinted on her and Moonglow is followed by two cats, three ducks, a goose (where did it come from?) and three swans.


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Dec 03 - 06:42 PM

Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp!!

Boy, that duck was good!

The chocolate chestnut pudding afterwards wasn't too bad either. Anyone else want a slice?

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 25 Dec 03 - 03:22 AM

Well it's still the small hours Mudcat time but it's 08.30 UK time, so Merry Xmas everyone!. Herself has taken two elderly neighbours to church (one blind, one nearly so), my Dad is still asleep, we'll have our stockings when she gets back and proper pressies after lunch so...
Season's Greetings to all.

RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Dec 03 - 01:18 AM

Shane certainly cleared some open space. . . thanks to Little Hawk for steering him out the back door!

And the answer to the question of duck for dinner is. . . the freezer section of the local grocery store! We sophisticated Mudcatters know that the losers in the freezer section are nothing like our live ducks on the hoof. The ducks for dinner were thawed by Mmario way back, and stashed in the 'fridge.

catsPHiddle, I think the cat and the duck were just playing. Under normal circumstances the duck would have pecked the shit out of that cat, yet both are clearly happy and healthy, just running around faking us out.

A neighbor brought me a pecan pie--I'll leave it on the bar for anyone who wants to try a tiny piece. To paraphrase a conversation with a friend who one time described an impromptu orgy--a little goes a long way! (But LOOK OUT for that whipped cream!)

Rustic, that story was just too droll. . .

Merry Christmas, all!


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 09:38 PM

That duck ain't gonna last the night - got the recipe book open on 'orange sauce' right now!!

Er... it turned out a bit more chocolatey than chestnutty..... and it's not what I'd call a mousse, but it's a pudding.

Of sorts.

Gather round, a tiny slice is all you need!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 09:00 PM

Did anyone check to see if that masked man had The Reindeer or The Six White Boomers running gear hooked up to the sleigh?

Robin


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: MAG
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 08:57 PM

... and that was so unnecessary, seeing as the storeroom has everything on tap ... including my old college beer, Rolling Rock, which I have never even SEEN on tap ...

Merry Happy, everyone. time to cocoon down ...


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 07:52 PM

The door bursts open, and Shane (aka "Blind DRunk in Blind River") dashes in, crashing headlong into the bar. He carombs off it, says "Hey! Watch it, eh?", trips backwards over the duck, and does a head-over-heels...all without spilling the half-full bottle of Molson Canadian in his hand, but raising a bit of a head on it. "FLIP!!!" he yells, scrambling to his feet, just as his older brother Don (aka "Big Brother") bursts in the door in similar fashion. They are both wearing dirty old plaid lumberjackets, and baseball caps on backwards. One cap says "Go Leafs Go!". The other cap says "I'm With The Asshole ---->", but it doesn't do any good unless you see them going away, because the caps're on backwards, eh?

"You FLIPPIN' RETREAD!!!" yells Don. "That was my last flippin' beer!!!" He starts chasing Shane all around the place, knocking over chairs, crashing into tables, and generally causing way more trouble than one beer could really be worth. Even if it is the last beer.

"This is my idiot brother!" yells Shane, to the general assembly. "He is a major loser...and he's BALD!!! See that? Bald!"

They start the old run around and around the pool table bit...first to the right...then to the left...Shane is trying to down the rest of the beer with a quick swig now and then, between making faces at Don and giving him the finger.

"I'll kill you this time, you bolthole!" yells Don, and with a mighty effort he tips over the entire pool table. Pool balls fly in all directions.

"Holy Flip!" hollers Shane. "Yer gonna have to pay for that, idiot-boy..." he steps on a pool ball, falls flat on his back, and the beer goes flying.

Don makes an incredible diving save and with a triumphant cry gloves the beer, just short of the top corner of the net. "Robbed!!!" he screams. "Robbed in the crease!" He makes a dash for the back door.

"NOOOOOO!" bellows Shane, and follows hot on his brother's heels.

The sound of drunken yelling and bodies crashing into trash cans slowly fades off into the night...

- Christmas Eve in Blind River, Ontario. -


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 04:31 PM

I hope he's got a very long tongue, or he could be waiting for a long time.
Mind you, if he had a very long tongue, he wouldn't need to cover himself with cream and wait....
Quack!
GtD.


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 02:23 PM

I can defend myself with my arm extensions but I need them in place first!

Mmmmm chestnut mousse sounds lovely.

Seems that Dave Bryant is hoping that someone is going to lick all that whipped cream off his person and he doesn't seem to have spread it sparingly...........

Would someone like to remove the duck from the cats mouth again.....If it lasts until tomorrow it will be a small miracle!!


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,Kringle
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 02:07 PM

There is the sound of turmoil outside the Australian Door from the Tavern. The sound of hooves clattering on the roof and a jingling of bells.
The Oz door swings open and in steps a portly bearded gentleman wearing wrap-around pink sun shades, stripes of pale blue total sun block on nose and cheeks, a red baseball cap with a very long peak, long green beach robe and a red wellington boots with white fur trim.
Ho Ho Ho... looks like a good party going on here!
He saunters to the bar and looks at the menu. Aurochs! Haven't tastes one of them for centuries!
I'll have a pint of Rudolph's Revenge, then. It's hot thirsty work flying over the Outback and I just need a break for a few minutes. I saw you were open and thought it looked like the place to be...
He slowly sips his pint, then nodding to the assembled company, he heads back out of the door, throwing back a farewell...
I'll see you all later...
The smell of hot animals blows into the Tavern as the sound of hooves once again breaks the relative silence.

The Duck turns to his neighbour and uters the immortal line - "Who Was that Masked Man?"


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 09:30 AM

Damn, no plum sauce.....

The recipe was for chestnut mousse without 8 pints of whipped cream. Just as well, because I see Mr Bryant has absconded with the cream and is sneaking round the back of the tree towards the hot tub.... Someone help CatsPhiddle, she can't defend herself properly, not with her legs.....






Oops.


Too late.



Anyone got a cloth?

Merry Christmas one and all, even the squid.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 11:05 PM

Another duck wonders aimlessly into the bar. He looks about the tavern and finds he is not the lone duck he thought he was. He slowly manuvers up to the she duck and says, "can I buy you a drink?" She lets out a quack, meaning yes. They both prefer swamp water if your so inclined to serve ducks Mr. Barkeep.
After a few drinks the he duck starts to feel a little warmed up to the she duck and says, " how would you like to come to my place where it's safe and warm and wet." She said quack, which meant yes. I would rather come to your house and be eaten, then be eaten here by these humans that only look at me like I am already covered in plum sauce.
So they left.
The End


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Gareth
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 07:28 PM

Liz - Keep DOWN WIND ! I don't want the sheep scared !!

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: MMario
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 07:19 PM

Understandable - most recipes for turnips do as well for parsnips.   try peeling and slicing, parboil for three minutes. Layer with cheese, sprinkle the top with crumbs, dot with butter and bake until tender and the cheese is bubbly


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 06:54 PM

Sprouts have been on the boil for the last 8 months - they might just be done by lunchtime Thursday. Just waiting for the lorryload of parsnips to be delivered and a recipe to turn up.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 08:32 AM

You can have US for Christmas Dinner if you like - save us cooking - make sure there are PLENTY of sprouts for me.
Quack!
GtD.


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 08:16 AM

we're having a DUCK for Christmas dinner! I think he was Donald

Are you sure it's not Geoff ?

We're having a turkey and a duck (which has been at the bottom of the freezer for quite a while) this Christmas. The nice thing about a duck is that you can shred up any of the odd bits of meat left on the carcase, warm it up with a bit of five spice powder etc and then eat it with cucumber, spring onion, plum sauce and mandarin pancakes.


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 06:49 AM

very carefully, Dave, very VERY carefully!

I told a fib. We reverted to plan A, we're having a DUCK for Christmas dinner! I think he was Donald. Says on the wrapper he was wild. I can tell you for a fact that he's not so much wild as bloody livid! He even tried to get one of his chicken pals to do me in by jumping off the shelf and trying to frighten me into a heart attack in the store. THEN the little bugger got 3 gammon joints to leap out at me.....

That little ducky bugger is ROAST MEAT!

LTS and Limpit


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 05:57 AM

I've often wondered - how does a mermaid manage to sit anywhere if she hasn't got a bum ?


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,Edwina the Mermaid
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 01:35 AM

You, in the black hat--Mr. Rapaire--I heard that you have a big chunk of bright red carpet that you're discarding. Is there anything I can do to convince you to let me have some of that wonderous fabric? There's a rock where I sit and sing that could use some padding.

Come, sit here beside me in the tub and let's discuss it.


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: My guru always said
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 08:11 PM

Curled up under the wing of a kind Duck, the stray Tabby purrs gently following her dainty scoffing of extinct & mythological steaks provided by our miraculous Chef.

Perhaps the bowl of Baileys that some kindly Catter had placed under the harnessed tree had something to do with her contentment. It had taken such a long time to groom all the jello off her fur...

However, the nose is a-twitching & so are the paws. She senses that something is about to happen....


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 03:51 PM

it uses this one

same as for 'We be Soldiers Three'


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 03:49 PM

Gee, from her apparent weight I thought she WAS Eddy Stone, light.


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 02:33 PM

Nice song - is there a tune?
Quack!


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Subject: Add:We Be WiseMen Three
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 01:39 PM

Does that make me the Keeper of the Eddy Stone Light?

Who's heard this one?

We be wisemen three,
pardonnez moi, je vous en prie
Lately come forth from out of the east
In search of the babe in the manger!

Gifts we bear and gladly bring
Pardonnez moi, je vous en prie
Gold is first, to crown him a king
The babe that is laid in the manger

Frankencense to offer have we
Pardonnez moi, je vous en prie
For the Son of God, and Virgin Marie
the babe that is laid in the manger

Myrhh is third and last of the three
Pardonnez moi, je vous en prie
Fortelling his death though sinless he be
The babe that is laid in the manger

Sing Hossanah Earth Sky and Sea!
Pardonnez moi, je vois en prie
For Born today in Bethl'em City
The babe that is laid in the manger!


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 12:41 PM

The barkeep has a unnamed brand of a low-carb brew back there behind the bar that he said he kept just for you, Edwina--you must have been here before? I'm sure I heard him call back to Mmario to "bring me some of that Eddy Stone Light!"


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 08:06 AM

...a Rapaire by any other other name would smell as bad...


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 07:50 AM

... wanders around blinking - it that ANOTHER Rapaire I see? How many are there? What IS this in my glass, I wonder...


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 07:36 AM

Ah, Eddy, your certainly svelte and fit. Can't weigh much at all....


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 04:47 AM

Well I suppose that Liz's mermaid does have one advantage over the more usual configuration ! Anyway her sister is the normal way round and what a wonderful set of vital statistics she has - I would guess she's about 38-22-£7.25/kilo.


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,Edwina the Mermaid
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 12:35 AM

Sorry, was I standing on my head? inquires the mermaid. Let me introduce myself. I have had the pleasure to tap many castaway barrels and bottles over the years, and I caught a whiff of a wonderful fresh brew on the breath of a passing squid. He told me about this place, said he was on his way back (said something about watching out for the tree). My name is Edwina Stone. My friends all call me Eddy. My mother always liked a good musical joke.


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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 10:33 PM

Confusion. Who is he, he asked himself. Why is he here?

The answer was simple.

"Landlord, another, if you please."


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