MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Gareth
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 07:32 PM

Wot no Lamb ??? - Oh you meant to eat ....... !

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 05:16 PM

You know... traditionally the mermaid is fish on the bottom half and human on the top half..... Guess there has to be the odd reversed one somewhere... but why our hot-tub?

Re: the Ducks, and other foul fowl... WE'RE HAVING BEEF, OK? We couldn't find a duck that wasn't still quacking and the goose wouldn 't have fitted into the oven. Manitas wasn't keen on the idea of deer so we're having beef OK? You can lay off the beak treatment please!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 12:19 AM

Does anyone know a sweet song called "The Mermaid"? inquires a raspy voice from the hot tub. Those who were standing crowded around the southern hemisphere door listening to the sweet song of the whale are startled to see a half-fish half-woman seated on the edge of the tub.

At least, I think it is sweet, she whispers. The comb and the glass are there beside her on the plank edge of the pool, and her wet hair is neatly combed all around her (but not concealing much). Mmario is the first to come to his senses, and walks over with a tray of smoked salmon and places it on a table near her elbow. The fish disappears so quickly all in the room can hardly believe it. Reaching out to take Dave's mug of Santa's Old Bollocks she downs it in one long swallow, then begins to sing


Twas Friday morn when we set sail
And we were not far from the land
When the captain spyed a fair mermaid
With a comb and a glass in her hand

I DO love those songs about me! she croons.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 01:52 PM

Outside, the sounds of the squid and whale subside, then return with them both in a strange eerie harmony....

Angelfish we've heard on high
Sweetly singing o'er the Main
And the Mermaids in reply
Brushed their golden hair again...

Guuuu-uuuuu-uuuuu-ulf Stream
Keeps us warm at Christmas
Guuuu-uuuuu-uuuuu-ulf Stream
Keeps us warm at Chri-ist-mas

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: MMario
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 09:14 AM

RRebel - don't be SILLY! WHy would a Whale be singing the 12 days of Christmas!

It is a squid singing the 12 Days of Christmas. The whale is singing 'Good King Wenceslaus'.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 01:56 AM

I had to leave in a hurry for a couple of days, only had time for a few shots of pumkin pie and I had to fly. Sage I'm glad you drank most of it up, the milk spoils if you don't drink it fast.
Took me two days and 42 drunks later to catch up on what's been going on around here.
I want that burger king guy. He is the main man who is going to sing me to sleep tonight!
What's that you said? Am I what? Hell all I want is another shot of pumkin pie with a side of tequila and I went and got a blown up photo of my dream burger king mans face and I'm going over to hang it on the tree, what's the matter with that?
Just hope the tree is stable when I get near it and it doen't whack me into the jello pit.
I think I must be loaded. I think I just heard a whale singing the 12 days of Christmas.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 09:08 PM

Naaaa... We can pay that.
I'll ask our good mate George to increase the US Debt.... again... or we could use the profit from The Marminator Project. Say, if we sell them shares in the project...

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST, Harumph, Huzza and Ahem, Attorneys at Law
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 08:51 PM

From the law offices of: Harumph, Huzza and Ahem, Attorneys at Law

Representing: The Vogon High Command


Dear Mudcat People,

Please be advised of the intent on the part of The Vogon High Command to file suit against The Mudcat Cafe and its members for interfering with the operation of The Vogon High Command's Hyperspatial Bypass. The operation of the establishment known as "The Mudcat Tavern" has altered the fabric of hyperspace within the area of your planet to such an extent that the Hyperspatial Bypass which The Vogon High Command constructed through your planet, originating in the Australian desert and terminating at a point in your United Kingdom where a village known as "Twillingsgate" formerly stood, is no longer operable. In other words, your planet's not big enough for two hyperspatial enterprises and our clients' Bypass was here long before your Tavern.

Your options are as follows:

1) Cease operating your Tavern in a hyperspatial manner. Seal off all doors leading to and from any area not physically contiguous with the Tavern premises.

2) Continue operating your Tavern in a hyperspatial manner and face a lawsuit brought by our clients. The amount of the suit will be equal to the gross amount of toll revenue that The Vogon High Command has lost, is losing, or will lose due to the operation of your Tavern. This is a substantial amount of money, roughly the equivalent of five years income from every person on your planet.

3) Continue operating your Tavern, get sued, lose, don't pay up and our clients will blow your paltry little planet off the face of the galaxy.

We trust that an equitable solution to this matter may be achieved without the necessity of going to court.

Sincerely,

Harumph, Huzza and Ahem, Attorneys at Law

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 08:43 PM

... meanwhile, in the corner, a furtive drinker is furiously playing the one-arm bandit. It is a new machine, organised by That Fiendish Technical Wizard Jeff - called "The Vatican Jackpot" - to win get Three Bishops in A Row. Three Nuns gets you none. And the Wildcard is Satan...

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 08:27 PM

Hey, Mmario, turn on the TV! The Quiet Man is on. I know it'll probably offend the shite outta all the Irish people in here, but it's time for a good ol' drinking game.

Look, we're just in time! Everybody grab your drink! John Wayne's poking another butt in his mouth and lighting it.... Atta boy, Duke. Take a big drag. Just the one.... Glare! glare some more...

Now blow it out... that's right, wait for it.....


And he throws it away, pissed off.

YES!

Everybody drink! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Get a refill, folks. Another cigarette scene coming up in a minute....


"Oh, the humour is on me now, boys,
The humour is on me now
I will and I must get married,
For the humour is on me now..."

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 07:35 PM

Geez, it's like a bad penny, thinks Sage. There's just no way to completely remove that damned jello pit.

Leaning over the bar, Sage reaches out and pushes the other red button, the one that controls the operation of the harness (remember that?) that Moonglow attached to the very large christmas tree when she set it up. The tree begins to rise once again. In the strange mathematical world of levers, pulleys, counterweights and reverse-trebuchets, the tree levitates, is momentarily horizontal, then the butt of the tree moves up into the dark upper regions of the tavern, the tip is down, and the ornaments ring out at the motion. Cats can be seen moving along the beams, and stepping onto the slowly moving tree. Three very large swans, now barely discernable in the intersection of two beams, move themselves over and flutter (only as very large swans can), with a backdraft that moves all of the paper napkins below into a faux-dust-devil of sorts.

Ratchetted into place, the balance is perfect, and at that moment a pale yellow butterfly drifts in from the Oz door and alights on the uppermost branch. Less than a gram, this is enough to set the tree creaking into motion, and with a sudden SPLAT!! the tree smacks the jello pit pod plumb into the porch yard under a galvenized lean-to where it lodges bottom side down and continues to expand and take shape. Within moments, as when one successfully lobs a live grenade out of the building into which it was thrown, the assembled crowd (and ESPECIALLY those in the hot tub) breathe a collective sigh of relief as they watch the adored/maligned pit plant itself.

One of the swans sets up an agitated scolding and hissing and settles on the edge of the newly-formed jello ammenity, and the Mudcat group is heard to say (altogether now) "ah, now it has a pit to hiss in!"

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 07:34 PM

And the sound of the horses follows the sounds of the trucks....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 07:33 PM

The sound of the 200 4WD pickups fades away into the distance as BWL has severe second thoughts about inflicting the SWAT Team (that's Simple-minded White Alabama Trailer-trash) on the Mudcat Tavern crowd. Those boys have some pretty simple tastes, but they like to experience them in large measure. It just looked like there'd be too many chances for misunderstandings that could possibly lead to some major human and property damage.

They'll probably be having a party of their own as soon as CarolC and the rest of her spies in the Waffle Houses find out where the real King khandu is stashed and they get sent in to affect the daring rescue. If some of you folks would like to come to their party I'm sure you'd be welcome, but don't bring any of those fancy microbrews or expensive wine and don't complain about the nitrites in the hot-dogs!

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 07:10 PM

Even further off in the distance.... the sound of 200 fully tricked-out four-wheel-drive pickup trucks, each of which requires the use of a step-ladder to reach the driver's seat....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 07:04 PM

Off in the distance, the thunder of thousands of horses' hooves....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 04:29 PM

The next thread down at the moment says it's for "Wedgies and Vegans
ONLY." I don't need a Vegan Wedgie, so I didn't investigate.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 11:24 AM

And now, a musical interlude...

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,Nigel West, Captain, HM Coldstream Guards, D
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 08:59 AM

Barman, some brandy, if you please.

And why is that thing dripping snot-green slime onto those poor people?

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 06:11 AM

Geoff the Duck glances across the room wondering what all the commotion might be. He sees Liz the Squeak being mobbed by a flock of waterfowl including mallards, canada geese, a passing migrant swan and a bombay duck, which has forgotten that it is a fish...
His attention wanders back to the enigmatic message floating in the ether above the small red button.
Did I REALLY mean to press the button???
Was it just Idle Curiousity??
I wonder what it will do next time it is pressed?
He scratches his head slowly (those splinters were a sod to remove last time), then returns to the bar to consider...
After a bottle of Riggwelter, which he decides not to share with Gareth - the drawing of a sheep which has rolled over onto it's back and is unable to right itself , might be too inflammatory - THe Duck returns to the gargoyle...
"Well" he says out loud. "Curiousity might have killed the cat, but us Ducks are made of stronger stuff..."
Thrusting his extended digit forward, he makes contact, for the third time, with the red button.
Nothing happens.
A disappointed duck turns one again towards the bar. He doesn't see the orange glow forming at the centre of the empty hot tub. He climbs onto a vacant bar stool as the orange glow phases through dayglow green and pink, starts pulsating with blue and gold and suddenly goes opaque black. He is attempting to attract the attention of the barkeep, to order a pint of Old Peculier. The barkeep seems to be taking no notice of his customers, but is staring out into the room in the direction that The Duck has just come from. The barkeep's eyes suddenly open wide, and his jaw drops. Duck turns just in time to see the barrel emerging from the black mist. It rises into the air and balances there on a stalk, like a giant Party-Pooper. There is a deep rumbling noise, which builds in volume to a final creschendo, as the barrel lid flies off. There is not so much a bang, rather a WHOOMPH noise, as the lid disappears and the contents fly into the heady atmosphere of the Tavern. The customers see a cloud of green dust, shimmering in the candle glow from the kamikazi kristmas tree, then they are hit by a wave of intense dryness, which spreads through the bar like a shock wave. The cloud seems to be sucking every particle of water vapour from the air, leaving the drinkers throats dry, but too shocked to quench their now raging thirsts.
As the water vapor meets the shimmering cloud of green dust, there is a fizzing noise, and the transformation begins. It starts to swirl, ever faster, and as the vortex forms something begins to drip from the bottom of the emerald cone. Green gloopy globules splash on the base of the hot tub and the light of realisation begins to dawn on the assembled throng. The famous jello pit is coalescing in the half light, and taking its place in the hot tub, a tribute to the power of Idle Curiousity.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 05:01 PM

Did some one say a ton of nuns?

And will someone tell the duck if he must put his bill there, to stop blowing please.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 11:40 AM

A tap? Why? Is there a phone back there? Or do you mean like a tap-and-die? Or the dance...I'll bet you meant the dance. No, I never learned.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 11:07 AM

Stilly - the Tavern has a long history of surprises behind doors - why at one time there wasn't even a door to the southern hemisphere or out to the barbecue pit in Montana (or is it Wyoming?)

But whenever a new door appears you never know where it might lead - especially the one over there marked "No possums allowed"

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 11:03 AM

Ohhhhh! And it smells so good in there, all of those barrels and brews. Has this always been here? A great Mudcat secret revealed!

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,Barman
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 10:49 AM

Follow me please sir

through this door

Did you bring a tap?

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 10:29 AM

A ton of empty tuns, but that ton of tuns should find the tuns full, if you please.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 10:29 AM

Hmmmm, Sage thinks to herself, my handle pays homage to my roots and my family, so I'm sticking with the moniker. Sounds too much like Ashcroft is having an influence over here at the 'Cat if everyone starts using their REAL names!

Helping Liz up off of the floor, where she really hasn't passed out, she just dozed off, they move down the hall past the office. Liz finds an overstuffed lounger in the back room and pulls a comforter over the top for a little nap until the evening really gets started. One of the cats and two ducks quietly enter the room and perch protectively around their sleeping friend.

Sage wonders if there is enough room for dancing as she walks back into the front room. Maybe over in that space near the front door? We'd just have to watch out for the Trebuchet Tree.

Now here's jolly good luck to the gill pot
Good luck to the Barley Mow
Jolly good luck to the gill pot
Good luck to the Barley Mow
Oh, the gill pot, half gill, quarter gill
Fetch in a little drop more
Here's good luck, good luck, good luck to the barley mow

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,Barman
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 09:51 AM

Will that be a barrel or a tun, sir?

Or shall I just hook up the hose to the tanker truck?

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 09:38 AM

He takes one last drag off his cigarette and throws it into the snowbank. Enough of this crap, he thinks, what am I doing? I haven't smoked since 1985. And where did I get that one? Oh, yeah, it's a macho, Bogart-like thing.

He hitches up his gunbelt, picks up the revolvers which fell into the snow when he hitched up his gunbelt, makes sure the triggerlocks are in place (don't want nobody to git hurt now), pulls his hat down over his eyes, pushes his hat up so he can see, and with spurs jingle-jangling slams open the swinging doors.

He picks himself back up and gently opens the spring-loaded swinging door and carefully sidles into the room, gently closing the swinging doors after him.

"Lissen up, all you mangy, flea-bitten, yeller dogs!" he whispers. "I'm here myself now! You used to know me by my handle, used to call me 'Rapaire' (pronounced "Raparree"). But I by God ain't gonna let Giok (now John McKenzie) or any other skirt-wearin'...."

Buried under and pummeled by a sudden pile of angered Scotsmen, Scotswomen, women, Greek soldiers, toga wearers, transvestites, and those simply interested in general mayhem, he finally crawls out from under the scuffle (which has now turned into an orgy) and staggers to the bar.

"Anything. Anything at all that's single malt, at least 15 years old, alcoholic, and distilled in Scotland or Ireland," he manages to gasp out. "Something for my baptismal day, so to speak."

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 08:59 AM

Oh the pint pot, half-a-pint, gill pot, half-a-gill, quarter gill, nipperkin and a brown bowl.
good luck good luck, good luck to the barlew mow!

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 08:43 AM

jolly good luck to the pint pot!
Good Luck to the barley mow!

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Gareth
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 07:09 AM

Gareth searches in his anorak, finds his correct glasses.

!Mmmm ! 1728 pints, this could be a good evening!

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 06:16 AM

That's a nice drop of Brains, but Gareth you're piss-poor at recognising barrel sizes - that's not a puncheon - it's a Tun ! Which means that we've got (or at least started with) 1,728 pints - we'd better get some serious drinking under way - there's even enough for that giant squid to have the odd few gallons.

The antipodean's seem to have nearly finished the "tubes" of lager that they brought with them - so perhaps we can educate them in real ale drinking.

Oi - Liz has just about passed out, so save me one of those sheep.

I'll give you a drinking song - even if I do bugger it up - with all this beer around, I won't have to buy anyone a pint.

Here's good luck to the pint pot, good luck to the Barley Mow . . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 05:08 AM

As he touches the small red button, words appear in very faint illuminated script...
you didn't really mean to press this button, did you???

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 08:10 PM

WHOOPS...
In Case of Idle Curiousity, Depress this Button.
Being one to resist everything except temptation, the Duck reaches a digit forwards.....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 08:06 PM

Oh Squeakie - you smooth talking bust herd...
Duck gives blethered Squeak a hug for dramatic license, then returns her to her place of honour beneath the tap of the barrel...

Honour satisfied, Duck returns to his plate of extict and mythical rissoles and tries to construct a Mastadonner Kebab from the remains of the salad. Tonight he is attired in a particularly natty ensemble consisting of slime green shirt with red stitching, cerise wide legged trousers, a waistcoat shading from sunset yellow to midnight blue, taking in several assorted "E numbers" en route. His tie is a shade of pink which is not quite violent, but looks as if it could still do you a nasty injury if you met it in a dark alley. The whole it capped by a deep purple fedora with an orange band fletched with a single white martlet tail feather.

Following a leisurely repast, The Duck saunters across the room towards the hot tub. As he aproaches the gothic fountain near the shallow end, he notices a small red button almost completely hidden beneath a gargoyle. Being of an inquisitive nature, he bends close and reads a finely tooled inscription. The text is difficult to decipher because it appears to be in a mirror image and is gold against a mottled marble background. Finally the penny drops, and the Duck understands what he is reading...
.
Being one to resist everything except temptation, the Duck reaches a digit forwards.....

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 07:14 PM

Aw, Gareth, I bet you made that up. This group is sophisticated enough to know to go outside and make yellow snow. I bet that guy from Oz didn't have a heeler at all. . .

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Gareth
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 06:49 PM

My God Liz - and you wunder why I don't type "Flock".

Back to the main story -

The Brains SA settles well, the barrels are tapped, the Bitter Ale draws bright and clear.

"Careful Lad's, we have only 576 pints of this !"

Glasses are passed, and passed again, parched throats are soothed, some of the less practiced big lads are looking for the little boys room.

No problem, an empty Budwieser Bottle is passed in thier direction. The twisted legs unfold to a big sigh of Ahhhhhh!

The South door opens, a gentleman with Corks on his 'at strids in.

"Gee Sheila!",he shouts to the nearest Mudfemale, "I am parched rounding up them sheep."

The mudfemale ignores him.

The Aberflyhalf RFC Drinking team exchange glances, brimming Budweiser bottles are passed to him.

"'Er you is Butty, try this Lager"

The antipodean swallows three bottles fast - Then he starts singing "'Hymns and Aria's', 'Land of My Fathers', and 'Arry's got an 'Orse' "

(Copyright M Boyce)

His heeler gives a worried, doggy, look. And mentaly revues the consequences to the Canine species in a "Pub with no beer". Doggy Discretion serves, and the dog disapears to the veranda outside the Southern Door. No even the smell of MMarios cooking can detain it. Sides which there are two many Moggies present.

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 05:52 PM

Iy've hadd an Ban Gelastic Pargle Blisterd adn you AARRRRRrrr a buggggggggggger with grrrean eyses.

Givush a kish - that Bryan Davits beerd dunt tickel halff enuffff
burp.

LTSSSSSSSSs

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 03:03 PM

Hey MMario - this Auroch is excellent. Oh - and the sauce for the gander is just out of this world.... at least that's what the little green man with bug-eyes, sat on the bar stool next to me reckons! Mind you, after a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster I would probably look green with bug-eyes...

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 02:48 PM

dang! EVERYONE is taking a serving of flair. I should have made more...

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 02:41 PM

Meanwhile, back at the bar, Mmario is slicing heavenly smoked meats and serving them with flair as each Mudcatter comes by with a plate. Sage ran out to the back of her truck and got the folded clean towels out of her laundry basket, and on her way back in, someone's Australian shepherd, waiting patiently on the stoop, dashed in, barked and nudged and circled the room and a moment later all of the sheep charged out of the door with the dog in swift pursuit.

It's cold enough outside, and all of these trips in and out had my hands feeling pretty chapped. Good thing I got a nice dose of lanolin by scratching the neck on one of the ewes. That reminds of me of a song my Dad used to sing (since there doesn't seem to be much holiday music happening so far, I'll contribute something seasonal instead).

WINTER IS ICUMMEN IN
(Ezra Pound)

Winter is icummen in,
Lhude sing Goddamm,
Raineth drop and staineth slop
And how the wind doth ramm!
Sing: Goddamm.
Skiddeth bus and sloppeth us,
An ague hath my ham.
Freezeth river, turneth liver
Damn you, sing: Goddamm.
Goddamm, Goddamm, tis why I am,
Goddamm.
So 'gainst the winter's balm
Sing Goddamm, damm, sing Goddamm
Sing Goddamm, sing Goddamm,
DAMM.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 07:53 AM

I have a real beard, I hate dark glasses, and I'm in a cupboard enjoying an oriphis-licking session with Liz - so it can't be me.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 07:19 AM

Liz, behave yourself - licking an oraphis in public, disgusting - come into this cupboard with me and we can be a bit more discreet.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 07:17 AM

... a sneaky little guy with a false beard, dark glasses, a hat pulled down over his eyes, and a camera lurks near the hot tub, taking pictures intended to turn up unexpectedly on the Mudcat Profiles.... unless it turns out to his financial benefit....

[:-E>

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 07:13 AM

Dave...did you not believe me???!!!!!!

Sorry about trying to change the barrel before you had finished Liz....have you got your tongue round the barrel oraphis and licked it dry yet???....I think I am going to have to do somemore walnut whip practice!!!

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 06:21 AM

Khat - mainly for my own personal use, although I will probably offer to share them with Micca - and perhaps post a few via Pene - and perhaps sell a few on Ebay. Let's just download them and have a look . . . . . oooh Khat, your really do depilate everywhere , don't you. Good Lord - I never saw Linda in that tub - I hope that vibrator's the waterproof one. All the fellows seem to be hiding their naughty bits - in the hindquarters of the sheep.

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: MMario
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 10:45 PM

The 353 days after Christmas

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Gareth
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 07:25 PM

At this time of Night Liz would you trust me to type "Flock" correctly.

Anyway if it the choice between a Dingo and .... Well what would you choose ?

_----------------

An intrelude.

_-----------------


Seeing the sheep run pass, the nude and former occupants of the Hot tub seize a sheep a peice to dry of thier bodies and hide thier, ahem, dangly bits.

There is a "Flash" Yup it a certain Sarf Lundoner taking photos for "blackmail purposes."

The moggies breath a sigh of relief, they will not be used as fig leaves. There is no need to dig thier claws into soft and sensative flesh.

From beyond the Western door the harmonious voices get closer, having sung all 400 verses of "Lloyd George knew My Father" the song halts.

There is a debate, a long debate, on what to sing next.

Yes You Too ! Can join in this debate. What will the Aberflyhalf RFC Choir and Drinking team sing next ??

Post your votes, or Pm oR E-Mail Me at [e-mail]

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 07:01 PM

It's flock of sheep, and they shouldn't feel safer in Oz, they just have farther to run before the dingoes get them.

I'm not quite finished with this barrel thank you very much.... let me just get my tongue round the last drips..... Ah - I knew all those years practising by getting the cream out of a walnut whip weren't going to be wasted!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
From: Gareth
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 12:40 PM

The Western door swings open, a full (36 imp gallon) barrel of Brains SA rolls in, followed by another.

A distinclty Kairdiff accent tells the bartender to put them on stillage and spile them. Shades of St Mary St, the Aberflyhalf RFC Choir and Drinking team draws near. Across the frozen wastes the song changes to the infinite chant of "Lloyd George knew my father, Father knwew Lloyd George ..."

Yup sez the Kairdiff voice, "Let that little lot settle for 12 hours and the serious drinking will start."

A heard of frightened sheep runs in, collectivly blink, hear a Welsh accent, and charge out the Southern door, they feel safer in Oz land.

The sheep next to the crib in the nativity scene follow them, they two recognise the song.....

Gareth