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BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement

GUEST,Miss "Q" of Twillingsgate 11 Dec 03 - 09:42 PM
khandu 11 Dec 03 - 09:45 PM
GUEST,Miss "Q" of Twillingsgate 11 Dec 03 - 09:51 PM
Amos 11 Dec 03 - 09:53 PM
khandu 11 Dec 03 - 10:01 PM
khandu 11 Dec 03 - 10:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Dec 03 - 10:12 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 11 Dec 03 - 10:14 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 11 Dec 03 - 10:28 PM
artbrooks 11 Dec 03 - 10:57 PM
GUEST,Elvis Presley 11 Dec 03 - 11:06 PM
khandu 11 Dec 03 - 11:20 PM
Little Hawk 11 Dec 03 - 11:58 PM
GUEST,Dirty Old Git 12 Dec 03 - 04:59 AM
GUEST 12 Dec 03 - 05:04 AM
GUEST 12 Dec 03 - 05:30 AM
GUEST,freds 12 Dec 03 - 11:39 AM
GUEST,Skipjack K8 12 Dec 03 - 11:44 AM
Little Hawk 12 Dec 03 - 04:45 PM
Amos 12 Dec 03 - 04:51 PM
artbrooks 12 Dec 03 - 05:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Dec 03 - 05:25 PM
Amos 12 Dec 03 - 06:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Dec 03 - 06:17 PM
khandu 12 Dec 03 - 09:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Dec 03 - 09:22 PM
Amos 12 Dec 03 - 09:51 PM
khandu 12 Dec 03 - 10:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Dec 03 - 11:22 PM
Tweed 13 Dec 03 - 09:14 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 13 Dec 03 - 09:38 AM
Amos 13 Dec 03 - 09:45 AM
GUEST,A casual observer... 13 Dec 03 - 10:01 AM
Tweed 13 Dec 03 - 11:37 AM
Amos 13 Dec 03 - 12:07 PM
Tweed 13 Dec 03 - 01:07 PM
GUEST,Norbert (the butler) 13 Dec 03 - 01:20 PM
GUEST,Percy Gardner 13 Dec 03 - 01:45 PM
Oaklet 13 Dec 03 - 02:29 PM
Amos 13 Dec 03 - 02:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Dec 03 - 11:16 PM
Amos 13 Dec 03 - 11:20 PM
Ebbie 14 Dec 03 - 03:56 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 14 Dec 03 - 04:30 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 14 Dec 03 - 05:07 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 14 Dec 03 - 05:18 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 14 Dec 03 - 05:27 AM
GUEST,Albert the Gardener 14 Dec 03 - 04:47 PM
GUEST,John from Hull's Brain 14 Dec 03 - 07:13 PM
khandu 14 Dec 03 - 11:03 PM

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Subject: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Miss "Q" of Twillingsgate
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 09:42 PM

This from the Twillingsgate Herald, December 11, 2003:

It is no secret that Ms Penelope Rutledge has been seen much lately in the company of Captain Nigel West of the Coldstream Guards. Indeed the two of them dined only this Sunday last at the fashionable Vicar's Inn, the hub of the Twillingsgate social scene, where observers noted that our Ms Rutledge was in a very merry mood indeed, not surprisingly, as she was escorted by the dashing Captain West who took her out on the dancefloor as they whiled away the hours to the strains of Vivaldi, performed by the Vicar's Inn Ensemble.

I for one, dear readers, noted a heightening of colour in Ms Rutledge's cheeks, denoting, dare I say it, the rising of the ardent flames of romance!

And why not? Captain West is a rakishly handsome devil of a man, tall and dark, with features that bring to mind the heroes of yore popularized in the great Victorian novels of such as H. Ryder Haggard and Conan Doyle. (Sir John Roxton comes to mind...)

Well, my pretties, that is not all! I have it on good authority (from a source I cannot reveal) that Ms Penelope will shorty announce her engagement to be married!

This promises to be the biggest event in Twillingsgate since the notorious Malcolm Buggeroll incident or if not that, the end of World War II, and I can assure you that the Twillingsgate Herald will be there every step of the way to provide you with each new tantalizing revelation as it unfolds.

Ms Rutledge adroitly avoided answering any of my questions by saying, "Really, Miss Tattle, don't you have an assassination to attend somewhere? Or perhaps a graverobbing that needs doing?" She has such a dry sense of humour does our Penelope...

I noted that Winston Wellington-Jones was in his typically dark and sardonic mood, sitting at his favourite table, glowering, and downing an endless round of dacquiris. I was unable to elicit any useful comments from him other than,

"Oh. Still alive, are you, Pruella? Damn shame."

and..."Look at that bloody toff!" (this last remark referring to Captain West, I assume).

When I asked him to expand on that, and share his real thoughts with the readers, he said something I cannot repeat in a family newspaper and then refused to further acknowledge my existence. I expect he shall come to his senses and apologize within a day or so...or else the moon shall turn blue and I'll catch it in my hat and keep it in a thimble on the mantle. The one is about as likely as the other.

I suggest that anyone who has the time look up the available information on the Coldstream Guards, the oldest regular regiment in the British Army, at http://www.army.mod.uk/coldstreamguards/

Ms Rutledge appears to have finally found herself a suitable match, and to be headed toward marital bliss within less than six months, I predict. Yes, you heard it here! A spring/summer wedding for Twillingsgate that will galvanize the community is only short months away.

Stay tuned!

- Miss Pruella Tattle, Twillingsgate Herald "All the news that's fit to print, and a bit more besides."


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: khandu
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 09:45 PM

& she was just given great honor by the King of Mississippi!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Miss "Q" of Twillingsgate
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 09:51 PM

Really? I wasn't aware that Mississippi had such an enlightened form of social development. When did it happen? Are you perhaps referring to the late Elvis Presley?


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 09:53 PM

I suppose the fact that Khandu magically posts only 3 minutes after this momentous news hits the threads is purely a coincidence....Ah well. I am moved to wonder whether the illustrious Captain West -- that bloody toff!--is any warmer in the sack than he is in the barracks? And if so, will our esteemed Penelope detect the distinction?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: khandu
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 10:01 PM

"I suppose the fact that Khandu magically posts only 3 minutes after this momentous news hits the threads is purely a coincidence.."

Hmmmmmm ...is there a subtle implication here?


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: khandu
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 10:10 PM

Q...did you say the "late" Elvis Presley???????


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 10:12 PM

These sudden marriage plans surely have nothing to do with...

No. Far be it from me to spread idle rumours about the fair Ms Rutledge's health.

Have you noticed that there is no period in "Ms Rutledge"?


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 10:14 PM

I heard about this from a friend, but I didn't believe it. Now I believe it.

Let me be perfectly frank when I say that you can all take a flying leap into Hades! There are days when I wish I had never heard of the Internet and this is definitely one of them.

I am going to tell you something about Pruella Tattle. She is the ugliest, most unmarriageable bit of dessicated, sallow, corporeal demon-effluent that ever wielded a pen in her clawlike hand. Why is she still a "miss" at 45? I'll tell you why. There are a great many stupid men in this town, but only a few who are irretrievably insane, and even they wouldn't have her! There is no clammy stone or wornout attress she will not look under, no limit to her mundane curiosity regarding other people's business. She is the living proof that those with the blackest hearts live the longest and talk the loudest, and get paid for doing it!

As for you, Amos, I can detect distinctions you haven't even dreamed of yet! You had best watch it, sir.

Miss "Q"? I am going to find you, and you will not like it when I do.

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 10:28 PM

I meant to say above... "mattress" not "attress"...

Bee-dubya-ell, I decided to drop the period from "Ms" some time ago. I also decided to shorten my signing at the end of each post to just "* PR".

I hope these changes meet with your approval, because there isn't jolly well much you can do about it if they don't!

I am signing off now. Goodbye.

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: artbrooks
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 10:57 PM

Bee-dubya-ell, I note that Ms Rutledge has admitted that she has missed her period, and it has apparently been some time now since she has had one. Perhaps the estimate of a wedding within six months is an outside guess, and the happy couple has already anticipated (or is that consumated?) their marital bliss.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Elvis Presley
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:06 PM

I have not had the pleasure of meeting Miss Rutledge, but I would be happy to do so when I get the chance. She seems to be a real fine lady, and I know what them gossip columnists can be like.

Mississippi? Well, I haven't been there in a while.

Thank you very much.

Elvis


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: khandu
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:20 PM

El!!! Good to hear from you again! After our conversation of last week, I am pleased to see that you have sobered up!

Also, I want to assure you that the Royal position of Pelvic Extroiadinaire is still open!

Your Hunka hunka,
Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:58 PM

Mudcat: The place where people from all walks of life meet, who wouldn't even talk to each other under normal circumstances. :-)

Gotta love it.

Elvis, come to Orillia if you possibly can, and visit my friend, Johnny Death. He has a mint condition vinyl album of every single record you ever made, and he would give his eye teeth to meet you. No fooling. He's even got a china Elvis bust that looks you in the eye when you walk into the basement (where all those records are, along with thousands and thousands of others). You would feel right at home. Do it now.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Dirty Old Git
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 04:59 AM

Pennie Luv, if you really are up the duff then I reckons I know someone wot can get yer sorted out for about a monkey. One of my friends in the retirement 'ome (more like a bleedin' slammer these days) is a lady called Elizabeth what has 'ad some medical experience - she worked in Boots until they caught 'er nickin' fings.
Any'ow she's got a magic touch wiv' one of them old-fashioned button 'ooks, athough she often uses a bit o' wire coat 'anger these days. Mindyer she got in a row wiv Matron last time caus she pinched the coat hanger out of the arial socket on 'er old jam-jar. Loose Liz is quite an expert on being up the duff an' all - it was a sorta occupational 'azzard in er ol' job.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 05:04 AM

Would someone please delete this mastubatory rubbish.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 05:30 AM

Oo's this stuck-up geezer - I woz jus offerin' to 'elp a lady wot seems to be in trouble. If I fancied a bit o' the old five fingered widow, I'd find sumfink a bit more sexy to do it over than this lot. Mindjer you're the one one who sounds like a bit of a Merchant Banker.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:39 AM

Good day!

We have noted the announcement of this happy and joyous occassion and wish to state that we will, most certainly, attend. We wish to accord Mrs. Rutledge-West every possible opportunity for genetically satisfactory reproduction. With this in mind, we will be at the "wedding" and will honor the two with the gift of an unhatched herithim so that their future together will be fruitful and filled with both sexual and asexual ectasy.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Skipjack K8
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:44 AM

Will someone please listen to the man, and delete his mastubatory (sic) rubbish. Honestly!


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 04:45 PM

LOL! GUEST, if you find yourself driven towards the horrors of self-abuse by the very tame material in this thread, I think you really ought to check out...

japanesegirls.com

And other such sites...

The resultant shock would probably reduce you to a quivering heap of incoherence, and render you incapable of further net surfing for at least 6 months.

Be thankful, GUEST, for small favours, and stop skulking around the edges of this forum like some nameless counterpart of Chuchundra the Muskrat, so terrified that he can never venture out of the shadows into the pool of light at the center of the room (see the writings of Rudyard Kipling - "Rikki Tikki Tavi" - for explanation of the Chuchundra reference).

Friends, I think Ms Rutledge has really blown a gasket this time, and I can understand why. Let us hope it does not cause her to permanently abandon this forum, as she lends it a bit of much-needed class from time to time. Are you listening, Penelope? We need you here. There are so few good role models around these days...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 04:51 PM

Ms Rutledge is clearly pissed off, but I see no information to indicate she is knocked up, which is very different both operationally and prepositionally.

Dear Penelope, please excuse the roughage around the edges of our forum. It is very hard to get good help ay more, as I am sure you have experienced.

Kindest regards to yourself and Captain West, and we look forward to confirmation of the rumors regarding your imminent change of status over in Twillingsgate. Remember, should you become over-burdened with society's insistence on form over substance, you can always come to California where we do it the other way around.

Very best regards,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: artbrooks
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 05:02 PM

Yes, Amos-you are entirely correct, and I apologize if I inadvertently lowered the tone of the Mudcat to a level which it has not previously plumbed. I can only attribute my misunderstanding of the tone and tenor of her response to those rude and inappropriate remarks made by that latter-day Dorothy Parker to trans-Altantic language difficulties. I clearly mistook one word, used in all innocence by Ms Rutledge in all of her Imperial splendor, for the same word having an entirely different meaning here among the unlettered.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 05:25 PM

HAWWWWW!!!!! Art, baby, if you think your statement "lowered the tone of the Mudcat to a level which it has not previously plumbed" you have been far too selective in your choice of which threads to read! After all, it was you who was given the title of "King's Personal Royal Bidet" over on the MOAB and that is plumbing far lower than inferring that an Emily Dickinson wannabe who has, in fact, no corporeal existence but is merely the perverse creation of a middle-aged male mind, could, possibly, be in a delicate condition. You can say anything you want about Penelope and there is bugger-all she can do about it because she, like Kilgore Trout, only exists in the mind of her creator.

Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:10 PM

And that would be.....?


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 06:17 PM

I dunno. Could be Kurt Vonnegut for all I know.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: khandu
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 09:13 PM

Maybe PR is the creation of Harry Lee Wigley, Sheeney or Shiney Knause, Thespian, freds or any one (or two or three!) of the grand characters of MOAB!

Or, perhaps, PR was begotten by the wonderful mind of. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .










Our Dear Jessup!








NAW!! She is Tweed!


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 09:22 PM

Nah! Tweed ain't smart enuff to say summa th' things Penelope sez. An' he don' know Emily Dickinson from Emily Post. As a idiot myself, I recognizes idiocy in uther peeple an' Tweed is at least as big a idiot as me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 09:51 PM

MEthinks the BWL doth protest o'ermuch!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: khandu
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 10:00 PM

Hmmmmm. Goot Point there Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:22 PM

Dear Amos and khandu,

If your Shakespearian asides are meant to infer that I may be the portrayer of Ms Rutledge, let us dispose of that delusion here and now. At the time of Ms Rutledge's initial appearance, I was a Mudcat newbie of only seven weeks. I'm pretty cheeky, but no newcomer could have invented Penelope. BS of that level takes a while to perfect. I would be capable of such a deed now, but I certainly wasn't then.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Tweed
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 09:14 AM

Dere Mz.Rutlegge,
I am pleezed to see thet you habv foun a man who would habv you at last. Its too bad thet you are missing yore monthly cycle and need to get yoreself nuptuated and I reckon yore daddy an hiz shotgun will be big playrs in the wedding party. I wish yore skankass all the happiness you ken find or gleen from the pore man whoom you habv trapped in this way and hope he recovers from whateber you poisoned hiz mind wif to get you in yore present delicas condiment.

Pees be on you durin' this festive seeson and I cinceerly hope thet you see fit to invite me to yore big wedding swarray az I hab much to confibulate and will do all in my powerz to make it memberable.
Yerz,
Tweed
MOAB.org


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 09:38 AM

Tweed, I am really quite sorry to hear that you are still at large. I had hoped that some beneficent divine intervention would have occurred by now to take you off our streets, such as your being run over by a large road-grading machine or perhaps devoured by an escaped pack of Rottweilers.

I gather that you are still annoying decent people everywhere and giving drunks in alleyways someone to feel smugly superior to? Pity!

May I return your good wishes with a few of my own, and suggest that you consider taking up a more worthy lifestyle as soon as possible. There are schools out there, Tweed, who will take practically anyone and teach them the rudiments of a decent trade. You could become a plumber, and learn how to stop up holes....then take a large plug and a strong monkey wrench...and shut your mouth!

If you have the temerity to show up at any future wedding of mine I shall have you thrown out bodily.

And there is nothing wrong with my cycles!

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 09:45 AM

Prhaps Tweed is actually an invention of Penelope's?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,A casual observer...
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 10:01 AM

She 'as set up a punchin' bag, she 'as, and is workin' out on it like a pit bull. I sawr it wif me own eyes, 'angin in the sun room it was! I fink she's plannin' some violence 'ere. I fink the 'elp around 'ere will be treadin' lightly is what I finks about it. She's got a look in 'er eyes that bodes ill for them as what ain't got their wits about 'em...

Cap'n West, e's been called back to London on "urgent business", so the lady must fight 'er battles on 'er own, and I believe she's quite capable of it. I wouldn't bleedin' test 'er. I values me peace of mind and bodily 'ealth besides.

Sorry. Must remain nameless.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Tweed
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:37 AM

Dere Penny,
You hab proved yet again that hell hav no fury like a woman scorned. There iz nothing on this planet to git enny romantical overtures from me to you. I hate to say it, but I am sorry for you and yore apoplectic hubby to be. It iz a shame to see you parade around heir wif the maks ob smugnes and convolution on yore beaklike and toofless face all the while pining away fore the one who hab rejected all yore overchores.
Someday you will larn to forget me and cast yore scrawny body into a herd of swine and fall off a cliff or other high place sumwhars.

Yerz,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 12:07 PM

ROTFLMAO!!! I think I have it -- Tweed has created Penelope in order to get even with his grade-school crushes!!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Tweed
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 01:07 PM

No Amos, I am in noways able to mispell az meny words as that gal and have a hard time reading her squawking posts on heir as she goes off into some other diaphragm that I am unfamilial with. Posonby it is some sort ob babylonian speech impedical.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Norbert (the butler)
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 01:20 PM

Albert the gardener has been fired. He always did lack discretion, but his pruning skills will be missed. We are now seeking a gardener and general handyman to replace him at Rutledge Mansion. Residents of Twillingsgate and surrounding area, please send full resume and await our call.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Percy Gardner
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 01:45 PM

Dere Norbuck,
I wood lik to aply fer that job az handyman fore mz Rutabags' garden spot and work fore her real gude. Do you habv axxess to chainsaws and pitchforks ect.? Az I will require these items for pruning and so fourth. I would brang my own chainsaw but it iz wired for 110volt American and would run only at hafe-speed over thar.

Yerz,
Percy G.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Oaklet
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 02:29 PM

When it comes to the bit where the priest asks "is there anyone present who knows of any lawful impediment.." etc. I'll bloody well pipe-up so help me:

1) He is a pouf
2) He nicks Penelope's stuff and offers it for sale in the Vicar Inn
3) He has a tattoo on the small of his back
4) So does she
5) I slept with him and he a selfish shit-for-brains
6) He can't tell the time

Sorry about this, but a bloke can only take so much.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 02:33 PM

Stand by, then, Oaklet -- and let me know when the date is. I would love to see this one play out...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:16 PM

Wait a minute! Hold the phone! Stop the presses!

Penelope is a REAL PERSON!!!!

I copied the following from this site:

Penelope Rutledge was born on 7 Nov 1806. She married James S Rowland on 27 May 1830.

They had the following children:
                M        i        Rolly Thompson Rowland was born on 2 Mar 1831.         
                M        ii        Horatio MacOn Rowland was born on 7 Nov 1832.         
                F        iii        Nancy Elizabeth Rowland was born on 28 Dec 1835.         
                F        iv        Martha Ann Rowland was born on 24 Jul 1837.         
                M        v        James Louis Rowland was born on 8 Feb 1839.         
                F        vi        Mary Caroline Rowland was born on 1 Oct 1840.         
                M        vii        William Buchanen Rowland was born on 20 Jul 1843.         
                M        viii        Charles Jackson Rowland was born on 20 Feb 1844.         
                F        ix        Sarah June Rowland was born on 25 Dec 1848.         
                F        x        Penelope Smith Rowland was born on 20 Aug 1849 in Al. She died on 12 Apr 1926 in Jim Wells, Tx. She was buried on 12 Apr 1926 in Old Alice Cemetery, Alice, Tx.

Yes! She's real! She's also 197 years old! Imagine that! Had eleven children by her first husband and now she's 197 years old and still able to get knocked up! Amazing!


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:20 PM

Oh, Bwuce, that whoop-ass affected your brain. This PR is not the same as that old hoary ancestor, obviously. I would dearly like to know what that Penelope Smith Rowland went through in her 77 years, though!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Ebbie
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 03:56 AM

All I can say is that in the old days they buried them right smart. Died April 12, buried April 12...


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 04:30 AM

apenelopoe, routlredge-you talk to posh, and preople dont know waht you on about,,
ps is about 7am in the morning, and i drinked about 10 cans of stella
so if i spelled antyhing wrong then just get lost.
ps did i get invite to you werdding then, and free food and bears then or waht?

anyway=a few years ago, i worked at hotel in hull, and we get some shitty council estate people in for weeddoings
and they get pissecand think they bloody great,
BUT, we give them shitty cheap shampane, and shitty cheep whine, and they dont even knoew!

2this whine is really nice, we are really posh, eyc etc etc2
and we chardged them about 2 thousand quid, for wedding resepshun,
when only cost 1 hundred quid, but serves them right, because they show off., and fight, and complane 2 this whine no good2, we say, ok have some more shitty whine then, 2 yes thank you, this one very nivcce. very posh!

and fighting, council estate people likes fighting at wedding, very funny, kitchen people ie chefs etc, used , yoused? to watch fights, one time = all people fightinfg, [even old people, grannys etc, and swearing= dont give my dorter fucking bad look arsole!, and smack with hand bag , and slap in face!, and one married bloke get big punch in the face from best man! " waht you bloody look at my wife for then?", then they try to come into kitchen=good tip=

never let wedding people go into kitchen, they always make trouble!

ps, some drunk ones try to give you a big story =2 my wife is shag my brother etc etc etc. just tell them get lost then say "g GET OUT OF MY KICHEN!
sometimes they be sick as well, just donyt let them in kitchen=,
if they sicxk in reception, then is reception woman job to cleen it not chef job....
then if gets to late, and all start scrapping, then is bouncers job to sort it, bouncers say "get out gippos bastards, [even if they not gippos, [ bouncers alays say thsat], and if not enough bouncers, they
shout for kitchen people, they shout, 2trouble, or MAN ON THE FLOOR, that means run quick!

then chefs get chance to give some one a good kicking, [but not happen very often]
and if they been making big trouble, you can throgh them in the cellar, beat them up, and shout tjings, like 2gippos bastard2 etc
, but never call police, always sort it youselft, you know wh#y?
if you call police they can stop yiu drink licence!

this waht happen at wedding.john


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 05:07 AM

aNyay, i heard about a law=

ifv you in hotel, and some gippo people try to come in your kitchen, then you entitled to chop there hands off, and chop them up
because, is chef in charge, and kichen is just for chefs , not for any boidy who want to go in kitchen, i thiink there is a proper law about this, but i;m not sure.

any way= 1 time, i worked with [i waws a chef], i worked with some mad bloke called karl, and he was tunisian, [i think], and his brain was fucked up threw to much many bears, and he neerly killed one waiter bloke waht came in the kitchen one day, [he strangulled him , then the boss told him to stop it!, he was the head chef, and no people allowed in his kitchen, [some people was scared of him, , he was a bit mental, [ loads of chefs are mental, but most of them are ok, wehn you get to knoew them], but he was , i admit he was really crazy, he used to throgh things at waiters, like knifes etc,
i think they put him in a secure unit in the end, not sure really,
anyway wahts this thread about?
plenty crazy chefs about!, anyway, i knew one chef, he haf to drink 2 botles of wine before he even think about doing any work, he likes to drinking, he worked with karl, but i think they sacked him.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 05:18 AM

anyway= i remenber one time!
is customers birthday, manager say " 2 hello, , have a look in our itchen, 2,
customer say "ok thanks, i will,"
he goes in kitchen!,
yoiu gessed it!
Karl was there say to good customer with birthday-
", you fu**cking arshole, waht yoiu doing in my kitchen, ?, get out, get out!"
manager went white instantlty!, not sure waht customer said!

crazy times!


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 05:27 AM

hello, i mention karl, i donty know him last name, but they locked him up now, last i heard= they put him in one of them speshial hopsitals for mad people, he is good chef thouth, maybe they let him out now?, not sure really


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,Albert the Gardener
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 04:47 PM

I fink it's a bleedin' disgrace that someone like JOhn from 'ull, 'oo sounds like an incompetent drunken sot to me, should be allowed to make not just one but FOUR offensive and ramblin' posts to this 'ere forum when 'e doesn't 'ave a bleedin' thing to say wot anyone wants to 'ear anyway!

I've lost me job and must go on the dole, and all over ONE lit'le post that was not disrespecful in the leest to my employer, but was simply an 'onest bit of information that I thought the public ought to know about.

It's JOhn from 'ull that should lose 'is job, not me! But I bet the stupid git doesn't even 'ave a job to lose.

And now neither do I. It's not right.

I intend to reveal further revelations if I must, unless I am compensated for loss of income and mental distress. And if JOhn from 'ull will meet me in front of the "Pig and Poke" on next Friday night I will box the silly bugger's ears and knock some sense into 'im so's 'e doesn't continue to offend people 'ere wif 'is tasteless rubbish and vulgarity!

Albert McSwiggins, Twillingsgate


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: GUEST,John from Hull's Brain
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 07:13 PM

Do as you like, mate. Him and me parted company years ago, we did.


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Subject: RE: BS: Penelope Rutledge to announce engagement
From: khandu
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 11:03 PM

I have been asked by a private citizen to cast a demon out of Penelope. After much discussion, money changed hands (a "check", actually) & I agreed to do the exorcism.

I need a few things from those of you who want to help. I need a live pig, a set of fresh monkey balls, a rubber Nixon mask, & a complete set of women's undergarments.

Any money you would like to donate will be cheerfully accepted!

Kk


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