Lyr Req: No Place Like Home (comical songs)

Subject: No Place Like Home?
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 12:04 PM

Anyone have lyrics to a comical old-time song, "There's No Place Like Home"?   Thank you.   Andy in VT

Subject: RE: No Place Like Home?
From: Sorcha
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 04:43 PM

Do you mean this one?

Subject: RE: No Place Like Home?
From: RangerSteve
Date: 14 Dec 03 - 05:31 PM

The only comic version I know of is this one:

I've got a little home that I call my own,
There's no place like home.
And a darling little wife, she's the joy of my life,
There's no place like home.
When you come home tired from a hard day's work,
six or seven kids'll meet you with their faces black as dirt,
And leave half their supper on the bosom of your shirt,
There's no place like home.

When your relatives come to visit you,
THere's no place like home.
They pack their bags and stick like glue,
There's no place like home.
When your mother-in-law takes the best bed you've got,
and leaves you to sleep in and old, cold cot,
And your brother-in-law lays around the house half shot,
There's no place like home.

When the baby cries out in the middle of the night,
There's no place like home.
And you search for castor oil without any light,
There's no place like home.
Maybe step on the tip of an upturned tack,
and go sliding down the stairs on the middle of your back,
and your wife hollers out "Now, hurry up, Jack",
There's no place like home.

It's home, home, home, sweet home.
With your wife's cold feet in the middle of your back,
There's no place like home.

Subject: Lyr Add: THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME (WHEN THERE'S
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 Aug 10 - 10:47 PM

Here's my transcription from the recording at The Internet Archive:


THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME (WHEN THERE'S NO PLACE ELSE TO GO).
Words, Harry Williams. Music, Nat D. Ayer.
New York, Detroit: Jerome H. Remick & Co, [1912]
As sung by Billy Murray, Victor-17335, 1913.

1. Welcome brother, welcome; and how's the merry (or "married"?) life?
So you're the jay who went away and found yourself a wife!
Sorry, brother, sorry, but still you've got your health.
No use, old boy, to wish you joy, but here's that you have wealth.
And all you fellows there are just in time.
We'll make a dollar look just like a dime.

CHORUS: Come on, boys! Come on, boys!
We've got the time and the dough.
Come on, joys! Come on, noise!
Don't make the party slow,
For it's always fair weather
When fellows leave their wives and get together,
But there is no place like home
When there's no place else to go.

2. Thank you, brother, thank you; I'm glad now I'm alive.
I've had about one evening out since eighteen-sixty-five.
I was thinking, brother, the Civil War was done,
But in that year I met my dear and war had just begun.
I haven't won a battle in my life,
And that's why I retreated from my wife.

Subject: Lyr Add: THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME (Hough/Adams/
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 Aug 10 - 10:51 PM

From the sheet music at The Archive of Popular American Music at UCLA:


"Mr. Mort. H. Singer presents the musical comedy 'The Girl Question'."
THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Words, Will M. Hough & Frank R. Adams. Music, Jos. E. Howard.
New York: Chas. K. Harris, 1907.

1. A man once wrote a song about a place like home sweet home
That brings a tear to ev'ry eye.
It's sung by all on land and sea both here and 'cross the foam,
And you can't escape it though you try.
That author had the right idea. With him I quite agree.
A place like home sweet home is what I never want to see;
For I don't like my family, and they don't look good to me.
That's why I always join in on the song:

CHORUS: There is no place like home. That's why I came away.
My family isn't the kind you don't meet ev'ry day.
No pants like father wore were ever seen before.
I won't show my face in any place like home sweet home.

2. Our family always had to move the first of ev'ry month,
'Cause Pa's too tight to pay the rent.
The baby twins had measles while our Bridget had a cop
Whose beat was anywhere she went.
Pa bought a safety razor and he'll be a butcher yet.
I think when mother married him, she did it on a bet.
My sister's taking lessons on the trombone and cornet.
Gee, I'm glad there is no place like home.

Subject: Lyr Add: MY WIFE'S GONE AWAY (NOW THERE'S NO PLACE
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 Aug 10 - 10:52 PM

From the sheet music at Library and Archives Canada:


MY WIFE'S GONE AWAY (NOW THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME)
Words and music by C. R. Bastin and Edwin Dicey
Quebec: George Quart, 1913.

1. Mister William A. McCan
Was a hen-pecked married man.
He had to do just what his wifey said.
You'd often hear him wail
That his home was like a jail.
He often used to wish that he was dead.
When one day his wife was sick,
Then they called a doctor quick.
The doctor said she'll have to go away.
Then Bill put her on the train
And he rushed right home again,
And to a phonograph I heard him say:

CHORUS: My wife's gone away. now there's no place like home.
She left me all alone. I don't have to roam,
And it seems just like sunshine after the rain.
I'm happy the livelong day.
I smoke in the parlor. I'm jolly and gay.
When she went away, I sang, "Hip-hip-hooray!"
For there's no place like home since my wife went away.

2. All the company with Bill
Was a parrot he called Lil.
The parrot learned to sing this little lay.
Bill would just sit and smile
While the parrot in fine style
Cut loose upon this chorus all the day.
One day Bill let out a groan.
His wife wrote, "I'm coming home."
He met her as she came into the door.
When he murmur'd, "Honey dear,
I'm so glad that you're back here,"
He heard the parrot laugh and start to roar.

Subject: No Place Like Home Boys (comical songs)
From: GUEST,Dick Huey - Dubois, Pensylvania
Date: 24 Sep 14 - 11:42 PM

This is how I remember my dad Al Huey doing this song.

Home, home, home sweet home, there's no place like home boys there's no place like home,
Now when you come home tired from a hard day's work,there's no place like home,
six or seven kids'll great you with their faces black as dirt,
And leave half their supper on the bosom of your shirt,
There's no place like home.

When your relatives come to visit you,
THere's no place like home.
They unpack their trunks and they stick like glue,
There's no place like home.
When your mother-in-law takes the best bed you've got,
and they throw you out on an old shaggy cot,
And your brother-in-law lays around half shot,
There's no place like home.

When the baby gets the collic in the middle of the night,
There's no place like home.
And you search for castor oil with out any light,
There's no place like home.
when you tramp on the top of an upturned tack,
and come a sliding down the stairs on the middle of your back,
and your wife crys out "Now, hurry up, Jack",
There's no place like home. home, home home sweet home there's no place like home boys there's no place like home.

Subject: Lyr Add: THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME FOR THE ...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 26 Sep 14 - 02:01 PM

This shows signs of being two songs medleyed together, because the tune and verse structure changes after the second verse.


THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME FOR THE MARRIED MAN
As sung by Uncle Charlie Osborne on "The June Appal Recordings" (2008)

I have a little place that I call my own.
    There's no place like home.
And I have a little wife; she's the plague of my life.
    There's no place like home.
When you come in tired from a hard day's work,
Six-seven kids greet you with their face black as dirt,
And leave half their supper on the bosom of your shirt.
    There's no place like home.

When the baby cries out in the middle of the night,
    There's no place like home.
You'll search for castor oil without any light,
    There's no place like home.
Make a step on the point of an upturned tack,
Come a-slidin' downstairs on the middle of your back,
And your wife'll holler out: "Oh, hurry up, Jack."
    There's no place like home.

[When a] man is a-going with a purty little girl,
He talks just as gentle as a dove,
Spends his money and he calls her honey,
For it sure is bothered in love.

Cross-eyed baby on each knee,
And a wife with a plaster on her nose—
Find true love; don't hunt those moves(?) [or "so smooth"(?)]
When you wear your second-hand clothes.

Boys, keep away from the girls, I say,
And give them lots of room,
For you'll find when you're wed, they'll bang you till you're dead
With the bald-headed end of the broom.

Home, home, sweet home!
With your wife's cold feet in the middle of your back,
There's no place like home.

Subject: No Place Like Home (comical songs)
From: GUEST,Dick Huey, Dubois, Pennsylvania
Date: 14 Oct 14 - 08:05 PM

Subject: No Place Like Home Boys (comical songs)
From: GUEST,Dick Huey - Dubois, Pensylvania
Date: 24 Sep 14 - 11:42 PM

This is how I remember my Dad Al Huey doing this song.

Home, home, home sweet home, there's no place like home boys there's no place like home,
Now when you come home tired from a hard day's work,
six or seven kids'll great you with their faces black as dirt,
And leave half their supper on the bosom of your shirt,
There's no place like home.

Now when your relatives come to visit you,
There's no place like home.
They unpack their trunks and they stick like glue,
There's no place like home.
When your mother-in-law takes the best bed you've got,
and they throw you out on an old shaggy cot,
And your brother-in-law lays around half shot,
There's no place like home.

When the baby gets the collic in the middle of the night,
There's no place like home.
And you search for castor oil with out any light,
There's no place like home.
when you tramp on the top of an upturned tack,
and come a sliding down the stairs on the middle of your back,
and your wife crys out "Now, hurry up, Jack",
There's no place like home. home, home home sweet home there's no place like home boys there's no place like home.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: No Place Like Home (comical songs)
From: GUEST,JOHNSON - Benton Ar
Date: 31 Aug 16 - 10:42 AM

There's No Place Like Home (Absolutely No Place) By ? was 78 rpm.
"When your relatives come to visit you. There's no place like home."
They unpack their trunks and they stick like glue there's no pl. lk. home." When you come home tired from a hard day's work, six or seven kids greet ya' with their faces like dirt. They leave half their supper on the bosom of their shirts TNPL-H etc.
"puts you out IN THE HALL on an old broke cot"
"Your brother-in-law lays around ABOUT half shot" was FOR SURE (?) the lyrics on the vinyl -- But can some could say I can't be sure since I can't remember the whole thing? Well. Yeah. But I THINK I'm sure about the revisions suggested.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: No Place Like Home (comical songs)
From: GUEST,Wi Dan
Date: 29 Oct 16 - 11:33 AM

The way I've heard it sung some 40 + yrs ago was this:

When you have a little home you can call your own
There's no place like home
And you have a little wife who's the pride of your life
There's no place like home
When you come home from a hard day's work
Seven children greet you with their faces full of dirt
And your wife spills the supper on the bosom of your shirt
There's no place like home

When the wife's relation comes to visit you
There's no place like home
They sit right down and stick like glue
There's no place like home
They take the best beds that are in the lot
And your wife throws you out on a shaky old cot
And your brother-in-law comes in half shot
There's no place like home

When the baby cries out in the middle of the night
There's no place like home
And you hunt for your slippers without any light
There's no place like home
You step on the point of a turned up tack
Slide down the stairs on the middle of your back
And your wife cries out "won't you hurry up Jack"
There's no place like home

Subject: Lyr Add: NO PLACE LIKE HOME
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 29 Oct 16 - 06:02 PM

NO PLACE LIKE HOME
As recorded by Daddy John Love, 1936.

Did you ever get full of liquor tryin' to walk home any quicker,
Singin' home, home, sweet home?
How sweetly you would mutter as you fell into the gutter,
Singin' home, home, sweet home!
You'd look all around with one sudden glace,
And see that you've torn your best Sunday pants.
Home in a barrel would be your only chance,
Singin' home, home, sweet home.

Did your wife's relation ever come to visit you,
Singin' home, home, sweet home?
They'd bring their ol' trunks an' they's packed as tight as glue,
Singin' there's no place like home.
You'd have to give up the best bed you've got
To your old brother-in-law who's always half shot.
The only chance was to sleep upon a cot,
Singin' home, home, sweet home.

Did you ever get up in the middle of the night,
Singin' home, home, sweet home,
A-huntin' paregoric without any light?
There's not a place like home.
You'd tramp your foot over the head of a rusty tack,
With your wife's ol' cold feet in the middle of your back,
The babies all a-cryin' as their lungs were goin' to crack.
There's not a place like home.

Home, home, sweet home, home,
There's not a place like home;
And your wife she'd holler out: "Why don't you hurry up, Jack?"
There's not a place like home.

Home, home sweet home, home,
There's not a place like home.
Home, home, sweet home, home,
There's no place like home.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: No Place Like Home (comical songs)
From: Joe_F
Date: 29 Oct 16 - 09:12 PM

Flanders & Swann: DESIGN FOR LIVING in the DT.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: No Place Like Home (comical songs)
From: GUEST,Zach
Date: 10 May 19 - 11:24 PM

Les Paul & Mary Ford performed this song live on the NBC TV show "The Colgate Comedy Hour" in March 1954.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awjTKeS9Wvo

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: No Place Like Home (comical songs)
From: GUEST,Bob Schwarer
Date: 12 May 19 - 02:48 AM

New Lost city ramblers recorded ""The man Who Wrote the "Home Sweet Home" Never was a Married Man". Several hits on Youtube.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: No Place Like Home (comical songs)
From: GUEST,Bob Schwarer
Date: 12 May 19 - 11:19 AM

Here's a link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8beZnAhsF0

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: No Place Like Home (comical songs)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 15 May 19 - 07:45 PM

See this thread: Lyr Req: The Man Who Wrote Home Sweet Home

It contains several versions, including two from sheet music published in 1908.