BS: The things kids say!

Subject: BS: The things kids say!
From: C-flat
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 12:53 PM

A friend who teaches at a school in Peterlee, Co Durham told me about a young girl in her class who wrote in an essay about "What I did at the weekend" how every morning, before mummy gets up, daddy stands at the back door and pisses in the garden.
When the parents came to the schools parents-evening to discuss their childs progress they were invited to look through her work and, on reaching this particular entry, fell about with laughter.
It turns out that the family own a cat who likes to be out every evening and each morning daddy, with a bowl of food at the ready, stands at the back door and calls the cat in......."Pss, Pss, Pss"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,Cluin
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 12:56 PM

My little nephew informed me the other day that his Daddy was mad because the "f**kin' seagulls" ripped open the garbage bags at the end of the driveway.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 01:30 PM

"Forgive us our Christmasses as we forgive those who Christmas against us..."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: brid widder
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 02:36 PM

My grandson (6) said his little brother really likes 'muscle sprouts'... because they make him strong...of course

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 02:52 PM

many years ago, my cousin, at about age 2½, loved toy vehicles...especially BIG ones that you could haul things in, and he just loved to go for a ride and see the real thing!

But his enthusiasm got to be too much one day when he spotted a giant gravel-hauling dump-truck beside the car and embarrassed his mother to no end by screaming out the window over & over...

"Frruuuck, Mommy...fruuuk!...fruuuck!"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 02:56 PM

When my sister was about 8 she up and reported one day, "When I was little I thought leftovers were a kind of meat."

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 04:35 PM

There was a period when I was trying to make sense of calendar time. From listening to 'big' people, I knew that there was both December first, say, and just plain December. Sometimes a grownup said something like: Tomorrow is December. Other times someone said, Tomorrow is December 1st. I assumed that December came first but I couldn't figure it out. I was actually quite disappointed when I finally became convinced that there was no just plain December.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Sorcha
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 08:40 PM

I know I've got some of these...will just have to think.....

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Cluin
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 12:02 AM

One I heard a little girl in the park this summer yell:
"I can't run! My toe has a headache!"

One my sister said when we were kids:
"Didn't you hear me? Are you blind in the ears?"

One my other sister told me her friend's daughter told her after a day at day care:
"Every day C_________ knocks her plate on the floor and says Whoopsie daisy!. But it's not a whoopsie-daisy, Mom. It's an on-purpose daisy."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Metchosin
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 12:48 AM

A couple from an email sent to me recently by my daughter:

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She
said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your bum?"

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son
of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: DMcG
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 03:16 AM

Thread drift ... what parents say.

My sister taught in a primary school in a depressed area and at a parents evening she found a puzzled mother looking at the blackboard containing animals and the names of adult and offspring (eg: Horse - mare - foal). The parent explained that, for sheep, she had never heard of an ee-whee.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 05:43 AM

Myself, on first seeing a swan "Look mammy, a giraffe duck"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Raptor
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 12:09 PM

My nephew knew that "Easter is when Jesus comes out of his tomb and if he sees his shadow you get two more weeks of winter"
B


A friends daughter claimed after a fart that "her bum Burped"

Raptor

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 12:42 PM

A young friend explained when her hand had fallen asleep, "My hand sparkles."

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Emma B
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 01:41 PM

A friends small boy, left watching a football match on TV, came running into his mother in the kitchen very anxious to know what "sex" was.
She dashed back to see what channel he had managed to switch onto to discover that there were only 30 secs. left to play before the final whistle

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 01:47 PM

Little Barky (4) in the front passenger seat (after going around a curve a little bit fast): "You just KNOCKED me OVER!"

Daddy, defensively: "No I didn't -- I just drove around the corner!"

Little Barky, sarcastically: "Oh, noooo, you didn't -- you just POURED me OUT!!"


We still laugh about this one, but maybe you had to've been there.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: C-flat
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 08:27 PM

My sister-in-law was visiting her local supermarket with her young daughter and was happily browsing the aisles when her little girl pulled up sharp and began exitedly pointing at a sikh gentleman wearing a turban. Realising that her daughter may not have seen anyone wearing a turban before, and not wishing to embarrass the man, she attempted to divert her daughters attention.
Undeterred, the little one continued..."Look mummy!...A GENIE!"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 08:34 PM

C-flat,
the mother's best response in a situation like this, is to look at the person, smile, and say

"I'm sorry, she's just a child!"

Most people will have a sense of humour, especially where there is a young child involved... many of them have children of their own, and even in other cultures, children are not all that different... :-)

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 11:38 PM

Besides -- maybe he really was a djinni, and not a Sikh!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: C-flat
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 02:50 AM

You're dead right Foolestroupe, in fact I remember thinking at the time that if it had been me wearing the turban I would have taken delight in playing along.
"YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 05:54 AM

My son (now aged 20) has never seen me clean shaven. When he was about 4 we were on a caravan holiday at the Yorkshire Coast. I took him over to the gents shower block to wash his face and brush his teeth. There was a man there shaving using an electric razor. My son stopped brushing his teeth and asked me @Daddy why is that man drilling his face'. He was fascinated with tools and the sound he could liken it to was my electric drill !!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 05:15 PM

No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a child. Here's how
some young folk completed lines to famous Christmas carols. Sing
along with these new takes on old favorites:

* "Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly ..."

* "We Three Kings of Porridge and Tar ... "

* "On the first day of Christmas, my tulip gave to me ..."

* "Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire ..."

* "He's makin a list, chicken and rice ..."

* "Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say ..."

* "Sleep in heavenly peas ..."

* "In the meadow we can build a snowman ... Then pretend that he is
sparse and brown ..."

* "Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay ..."

* "Good tidings we bring to you and your kid ..."

* "Noel, noel ... noel, noel ... Barney's the king of Israel ..."

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Michael
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 05:25 PM

A friend of mine's grandson was obsessed with bicycles, he also couldn't say 'B', he substituted 'D'.
Walking through the village one day they passed a lady with short hair and dungarees leaning on her cycle talking. 'Look at that big dyke Grandma!' he shouted.
Friend hurried on with head down.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 07:12 PM

good thing that Dyke wasn't in a frrruck....

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 09:44 PM

Finally remembered one. It isn't really funny, but touching.
When my father died, the town was about 2 hrs from us. We grabbed up the babies and headed there. Son was 9, daughter was 3. Both kids INSISTED on going to the mortuary where the body was; it had not even been embalmbed yet.....still yellow from jaundice, etc. We lifted Kate, age 3 up (she worshipped her grand-da) and she said...."Oh, there is noody home. Ok." She and Luke were both fine after that....

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: NicoleC
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 11:14 PM

Bill, my nephew did the exact same thing (except he really didn't pronounce an 'r'), and it had almost lost it's humor until one day he saw a "Dum Fruck!"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 08:01 AM

Two expressions contributed by my son and daughter have become part of the family dialect:

My son, on being told that we couldn't buy him a certain toy for lack of money (white lying), responded: "But we can buy money from the bank, Daddy".

My daughter, just as she was learning to speak, one day drove my wife spare while she was out shopping, demanding "two mummies". Both were getting so frustrated and close to tears when they returned, that I offered my daughter some strawberries, which I knew she liked, just to quieten her down. At which, she smiled happily, showed the strawberries and said "two mummies!". We still call strawberries that 18 years on.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,KB
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 08:19 AM

When Om was a tiny little thing in a pushchair we set off for a walk on Nov 5th. She was very excited by all the "missed-its" up in the sky.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 08:32 PM

KB.
she wasn't referring to the pigeons? :-)

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Guy Wolff
Date: 25 Dec 03 - 10:09 AM

I will come back and read these I promice but I had to throw this in right away. My daughter Elizabeth and I were talking yesterday on how the two of us are always after the Easter Bunny with a net runing around all night but for some reason we like to give Santa Claus some slack and she said " Well Daddy you know Santa Claus is human and the Easter Bunny is game " Elizabeth is 12 going on 13 .She also told me not to worry after 3 hours of hunting around for pop corn balls becaue "Santa would bring them dont worry " . Her faverite present this year was the Pride and Predgidus (sp?) board game . I wonder what Jane Austen would think.. Merry Christmas to all !!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 25 Dec 03 - 12:31 PM

Once, when my son Will was about four, we were out in the car together, and I almost ran a red light. I caught myself at the last second though, and said, "Oh, shit!" as I hit the brakes. I immediately regretted swearing in front of my son. I decided I had better not let the incident go without comment, because I didn't want my son to pick up any bad habits.

I said, "You know, I said a bad word back there."

"You did? What was it?"

"You mean you didn't hear it? Oh, well, then, never mind."

"No, I want to know what you said."

"I'd rather not repeat it."

"No, tell me. I want to know.... Did you say, 'stupid'?"

(I should explain—in day care, my son had been taught that it's not nice to call other kids stupid—a rule I endorse.)

I had to smile. "No, I didn't say 'stupid'."

"Did you say, 'fucker'?"

I nearly choked. "Will! I didn't know you knew that word!"

"I know tons of 'em. I hear 'em in day care."

I can't remember the rest of the conversation, but after I got over the shock, I was generally pleased. My son knew what the bad words were, but he didn't use them—the ideal situation. He's 16 now, and still a well-mannered kid. We're proud of him.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 08:36 AM

Safety warning from a four year old.
As we were delivering presents yesterday mornign Molly announced that she knew all about safe things " when you are in the road and a car is going to squish you you must be with a big person" - presumably to cushion the blow!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: beadie
Date: 26 Dec 03 - 05:41 PM

When my now-adult son was four, I treated him and some friends to an afternoon at Chuck E. Cheeze's (a kid-oriented pizza parlor and game arcade).

As time approached for us to leave, he pitched a monumental fit, squalling and screaming as I literally dragged him away from the games.

When we arrived home, his Mom asked how he enjoyed the afternoon. Rather shamefacedly, he mumbled, "I don't think that Dad is going to take me there again."

Fastforward to his 21st birthday. As a surprise, I again treated him to a trip to Chuck E.'s (this time with a "giftcard" from the establishment - - accompanied by his girlfriend) and a card telling him that all was forgiven for the hassle some 17 years previous.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 11:21 PM

My buddy was telling me today how he'd told his young sons to "get in there and make your beds and clean up that room!"

As he was walking away, the younger son yelled out,"Dad! William just put the fuck at you!"

"What?"

Turns out that Will, the older son gave his Dad the finger behind his back and Jack, his younger brother ratted him out. Dad had a tough time keeping a straight face as he laid down the law...

"Will! Never make that sign at me or anyone else around here again. And Jack, don't use that word again!"

Of course, we used the expression "put the fuck at you" all day. It's now entered our regular lexicon.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,WaBan Zhou
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 12:43 PM

When my grandaughter was three, the large mountain just south of Seattle was "Mount Reindeer"!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Kim C
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 12:56 PM

I was at a friend's house yesterday, playing a computer game with their 4-year-old daughter. She was getting ahead of herself and I said, Caileigh, you have to find the other things first before you can click on that.

"Ah shit," she said.

I stifled laughter, as did her mother, who said, "Caileigh, what did you say?"

"I said Ah Shit."

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Metchosin
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 01:19 PM

when my yougest was small, she was sitting on the toilet when looked up at the skylight in the bathroom and asked in a worried voice, "Mummy, can God see me pee?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 01:31 PM

For years my mother regailed us from the front seat pointing out the differnt kinds of livestock we happened to be passing. Not just horse or cow buit the actual name of the species one of which was of course Herefords. Fast forward a couple of years to my sister now 19 taking mom on a Mother Daughter trip. Trying to show my mom that she loved her and had also beenpaying attention all those years, my sister pointed out the driver side window and said "Look Mom! Perverts!" Mom told me that after her double take to look out the window she just couldn't stop laughing. Some times I feel sorry for my sister...not often...but sometimes.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 03:48 PM

LOL!!! "Look Mom!!!" LOL!! I love it, CC!


A

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,Nancy King at work
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 04:33 PM

Cottage cheese has been "Gosh Jeez" in my family for several generations now, thanks to one then-young cousin.

My brother once very seriously told our folks that he wanted "Venetian blondes" for his bedroom.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: PoppaGator
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 04:37 PM

When our then-preschool-aged daughter asked where babies come from, my wife figured the best policy would be to more-or-less tell the truth (while omitting complete details, of course). Young Maggie's response:

"Go get Daddy and show me!"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Andy Sables
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 05:11 PM

When my son Matthew was 4, his other grandad (not Bill) was playing with him, telling him that he was going to kiss his belly, then he was going to kiss his legs, then going to kiss his face.

Matthew stood back and with a straight face replied "You can kiss my arse"

Grandad was most put out and informed us in a very straight face that Matthew ad just sworn. When we related the events to grandad no. 2 (Bill Sables) he nearly wet himself laughing. How different grandparents can be.

Andy

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Alba
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 07:09 PM

My Son, at age 4, came in shouting "Mum, Mum I have a broo!
Looking at the Elbow he was clutching I replied "no Luke you have a Bruise"....."No Mum" says Luke "there is only one of them"!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,Desdemona
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 10:46 PM

A favourite story in our house concerns my youngest son, who one morning walked into the kitchen and spied my old teapot sitting under a brand new, quite posh green velvet tea cosy I'd received as a Xmas gift. I heard him give a muffled giggle, and when I asked him what was funny, he pulled me aside and replied, sotto voce of course, "Mama, your teapot is wearing a *hat*!" He clearly thought my teapot fancied itself the life of the party, and felt it polite to whisper about how silly it looked!

They ARE cute, aren't they?

D.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: C-flat
Date: 03 Jan 04 - 05:19 AM

When our daughter was learning to read, I spent a lot of time reading with her, encouraging her to follow the print and turn the pages as we went, until she was proficient enough to tell me the story. One evening, half way through a story, she turned to me and said "Are you OK to finish this on your own if I go and watch TV?"
So can any of you tell me what happened to Big Billy Goat Gruff?

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Mickey191
Date: 03 Jan 04 - 10:03 AM

My adult cousin was talking with a 5 year old who has the deepest voice any little girl could have. The child had heard he'd had a pacemaker, then a defribulator put in & also laser eye surgery. She wants to feel the slight protrusion in his chest, as she's touching it, she says, "So what's next?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 04 Jan 04 - 12:43 AM

My neice Erin (about 5 at the time) was visiting the Grandparents. Towards the end of dinner, Erin asked what was for dessert. Grandma asked if she would like some fruit.
"I don't want healthy food... I want dessert!"

Cheers,

YY

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: C-flat
Date: 04 Jan 04 - 05:20 PM

I was just reminded of the day I accidently locked my car keys in the boot(trunk) and, in a fit of pique, kicked the car while cursing it and the world generally.
"What's the matter with daddy?" asked my 3-year-old.
"Oh, I think your daddy's losing his marbles!" my partner replied.
Some time later, after breaking into the car with a large screwdriver, I was attempting to recover said screwdriver from underneath the car, where it had rolled when I threw it to the ground.
My young daughter cautiously approached......"Are you still looking for your marbles?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: muppett
Date: 05 Jan 04 - 04:58 AM

I remember this quote from my daughter when she was about 3 years old;

'Daddy why can't you turn off the dark like you can with a light?'

I also remember having a conversation with my step son when he was about 6 years old about his day at school, he'd been learning about Lent. The gist of the conversation went thus,

'Muppett do you think that Mum would let me stop at home for the next few weeks?'
I asked why are you ill?
he said 'no, but teacher said we'd to try and give up something we like during lent and I like going to School'.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,KB
Date: 05 Jan 04 - 06:23 AM

Omlit's latest... (12 yr old daughter)

Watching TV the other night - she turned to me seriously and said "My God mum! There's so much sex in TV advertising these days!"
I nodded in a sage and what-a-terrible-world sort of way. At which she grinned delightedly and said "Great, innit!"

Kris

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Moses
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 07:21 AM

We live fairly close a local landmark on the A40 known as the Polish War Memorial. It is a stone column with a bronze Eagle on top.

Following a conversation with my friend's (then) three year old daughter, some 20 years ago, we still tend to give directions like:- "When you get to the Big Pigeon, turn left"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Janie
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 08:21 AM

When my son, Stan, was three we were visiting my mother for Christmas. He had asked her about her creche and she had just finished telling him about it and naming all the figurines when I walked into the room. Stan proudly began touching each little statue and naming them for me. He said "This is Mary, Joseph, the wise men, and this is the baby Cheeses!"

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Doktor Doktor
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 08:30 AM

Kids are no respecters of etiquette.
My mate & his wife ahd an argument whilst driving to the supermarket. 5 yo was asleep in the back. In the end herself told Phil he could "F**k Off".

At the checkout proceedings were interrupted by Freya's shrill enquiry "Mummy and Daddy - now you're not going to start F***ing in the car again are you?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: s&r
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 09:47 AM

Our four year old grandson lives on a working farm in Ireland. He was in the car with us, and as we went along we pointed out various things, as you do, and seeing a tractor, we said: "Look Adam! Tractor!"

With a withering glance he replied: "Tractor - with a silage trailer".


Subsequently he educated us on all the attachments that we encountered hanging on the back of tractors.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: DMcG
Date: 06 Jan 04 - 09:51 AM

My son did something similar when he was three and a half. We were on a bridge over a railway line as a train train pulled unto the station when an elderly lady asked him what it was. He replied 'A mark three open coach'.

---

Messages from multiple threads combined. Most of the messages below are from a new thread.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: BS: The things kids say
From: GUEST,Arnie
Date: 25 May 04 - 04:23 PM

Kids have such a logical way of looking at things. My wife was teaching a class of infants about 'Now and Then'. She gave some examples of things we have around us nowadays, then asked the kids to write about how things were in the past - so one little lad puts his hand up and asks 'Please miss, how do you spell 'thenadays'...the strange thing is that this makes complete sense!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 May 04 - 04:28 PM

Sure. And if the expression "thenadays" got used enough on some popular TV show, like Friends or Seinfeldt, you would soon find it becoming an accepted part of the English language. "Humungous" is one of those words, and "bodacious" is another.

Kids have a way of going straight to the heart of something.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Amos
Date: 25 May 04 - 04:36 PM

Sure -- if you can have nowadays, why not thenadays? People often complain about having one of themadays...

A

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 May 04 - 04:51 PM

Two from my son Tim, the punster:

1) at his cousin's interminable bar mitzvah when the last prayer began: Hey mom, it's the grand finally!

2) Getting into Mom's elevator, after pressing "4" for her floor: (solemnly) 4 floors and 7 years ago...

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: GUEST,ozmacca
Date: 25 May 04 - 09:01 PM

Mrrzy, with that aptitude, if the kid survives into adulthood, he'll do extremely well (actually, it'll be a miracle......)

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Flash Company
Date: 26 May 04 - 11:05 AM

Overheard from a five year old at the time when the Mary Poppins film first came round:-

In every job that must be done
There is an elephant for fun!

Sounded a better idea at the time.

FC

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: muppett
Date: 26 May 04 - 11:11 AM

When my daughter was at nursery she sang me the following song;

Who built the Ark?
No one, No one

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: semi-submersible
Date: 26 May 04 - 03:15 PM

My 5-year-old is getting saucy.

Last night, after the neighbour brought him home from a visit, young Michael hopped back into her truck, saying, "I'm coming home with you."

"Then you'll sleep with the dog," she said.

He shot back, "Thanks for the offer to sleep with the dog, but I think I'll just kick you out of your bed, and I'll sleep in it."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Amos
Date: 26 May 04 - 03:16 PM

Wow -- that kid has a lip on him, huh?? :>))

A

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,vectis
Date: 26 May 04 - 06:30 PM

When my two sons were 6 & 7 they went to a village school and one day on the drive home they suddenly pointed to a slurry tanker spraying a field and said
"Look mum it's the pooh gun"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 27 May 04 - 04:13 AM

Re-reading C-flat's 22 Dec post reminds me of a similar experience when I was the little kid with a head full of story books. A Sikh carpet salesman came down the entry to our row of houses (we were behind and above shops)and knocked on the kitchen door. I went to the door and came running into the shop(my aunt's hairdressers where my mother was working)and told the whole assembly: "There's a cannibal in the garden".
Parent apologised to salesman, salesman apologised for frightening child. Child with over active imagination never allowed to forget it!

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: s&r
Date: 27 May 04 - 05:32 AM

Friend's tale:

Josie and Andrew (5 and 7) had to sleep in the same room when their grandfather visited. Granddad went in one morning, pulled the curtains back, and said jovially
"Morning has broken!"

Josie: "It was Andrew."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: s&r
Date: 27 May 04 - 05:33 AM

Should some Joeclone combine these threads?

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 27 May 04 - 06:43 AM

True story:- Teacher in a junior class asked the children to draw a picture of the Nativity.
One girl was asked by the teacher..Sally, you have drawn Mary and Baby Jesus..but who is the very fat man in the picture, is it supposed to be Joseph?
"No" replied Sally "It's round John"
Eventually the teacher discovered she had the idea for the picture as a result of the Carol "Silent Night" in which the words...........
"Round yon(Round John) virgin mother" and child stood out.
Be Blessed.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Flash Company
Date: 27 May 04 - 10:06 AM

Another song!
We were sitting in the garden one sunny afternoon and our neighbour's Grandson, aged about five,was marching around singing.
My wife suddenly said 'What is he singing?'
I listened and replied' I can just hear his teacher saying 'Now children, how would they sing it in France?'
He was singing, Loudly:-

If you're happy and you know it do a wee-wee!

Well it only means one thing when your five!

FC

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: GUEST,Lovechild
Date: 27 May 04 - 05:26 PM

Overheard in a school classroom...Boy says to girl "There's a condomn behind the radiator" Girl replies "What's a radiator?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: GUEST
Date: 27 May 04 - 05:29 PM

Our little girl came in to mum and said "Daddy's F'ing the cat" What she meant was I was swearing at it. Never again,,,didn't know she could hear me.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 May 04 - 10:14 PM

I remember lots of the things I said as a child. I also remember, only too well, the taste of soap!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 28 May 04 - 09:22 AM

Last week our office had a fund-raiser for charity that involved colleagues getting their hair dyed or almost shaved off for money. We raised several thousands, which was great, but the highlight for me came from my friend's 7 year old daughter.

She was alseep when Daddy came home with neon coloured short hair (dunno what his fellow commuters thought of his hair - maybe he wasn't rhe only one on the train!)

Next morning he washed out the colour & at the brekkie table she asked about his new short hair. He explained that his colleagues had cut it off & that all the money raised went to help sick children. She asked why they had cut holes in it at the front. Dad's hair line is receding!!

That innocent comment reminds me of one made several decades ago. A 2 year old announced in a very loud voice in the middle of a party "Mummy's got long titties".

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Arnie
Date: 28 May 04 - 02:27 PM

Another one from my wife's school today. Little lad comes in and tearfully tells the teacher that he'd found a dead sparrow on the ground this morning - he explained that 'God took away it's heart'. How sweet!!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: The Shambles
Date: 03 May 05 - 03:09 PM

A child was telling the teacher and the class about the change in their homelife.

Their old dad had left now and they had been told that the new man in the house would like them to call him dad. His name - the child said was Ron Smith.

A voice from the back said - "Ron Smith - we had him - he was rubbish"!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: The Shambles
Date: 03 May 05 - 03:14 PM

A boy was asked how long he had been a Manchester United supporter and he replied - 6 years.

When asked how old he was - he said - 4.........

For 2 years - perhaps he was a Manchester Uterus supporter?

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: dwditty
Date: 03 May 05 - 03:24 PM

Child's display of Faith.

When my youngest was about 5 she lost a tooth. Her older sister, in a display of bubble burting, told her, "Aw, Mom is the tooth fairy." The reply from the 5 year old?

"Mom can't be the tooth fairy. She is home every night."

dw

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: mandoleer
Date: 03 May 05 - 05:27 PM

6 year old small cousin came flying across the room, landed heavily (she's not that small!) on me, gave me a moment to recover, and announced, 'Butterflies are symmetrical!'
Another cousin (now a lawyer) was watching one of the early moon shots on TV. Friend of her father said, 'Look Sabie, there's the rocket!' Sabie (2 and a half) looked at the screen and said, 'That's not the rocket, that's the lunar module.'
Same vein: Small thing in pushchair ignoring the world. Stout maiden aunt type pokes it, and tells it to 'Look at the gee-gee!' Small thing looks out of pushchair, says 'Horse' and goes back to ignoring everything.
On a personal note, I was asked (at 3 or 4) why I had almost all my toys spread about the floor. My reply: 'I'm making chaos!'

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 03 May 05 - 08:14 PM

Small girl at the school where I work was suffering frequent, and severe nosebleeds. One lunchtime she came up to me and said "I won't be at school tomorrow, 'cos I'm going to the hospickle to have my nose criticised".

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 May 07 - 09:42 AM

My 3.5 year old grandson gets frustrated easily when the words won't come out fast enough to express his views on the world. Lately, he's been resorting to using the word "hate" which we are discouraging as he is using it in hurtful ways. Last night he told his mom he wasn't going to use That Word any more. After a few moments, he then asked her "Who made that word, anyway?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 09 May 07 - 09:28 PM

Tim, upon being vaccinated against some meningococcus - "Wait - me ninja cock what?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Bert
Date: 18 Jul 08 - 04:23 AM

3 year old Dante was watching Ratatouille AGAIN and he sees Remy with a cheese knife, you know the kind that curves at the end and is bifurcated.

"Look Granma" he says "a rhinoceros knife"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 18 Jul 08 - 04:47 AM

On seeing a (UK) "No Right Turn" sign, the youngest grandbrat said

"BrynDad - no boomerangs allowed down there !"

You can't fault the logic . . .

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Anne Lister
Date: 18 Jul 08 - 12:13 PM

Still remember the little blonde cutie who told me and the class I was teaching that they'd had a difficult time at the weekend because her dad had hurt his tentacles. Luckily I made the right guess and asked if it was his tendons that had been hurt ...
Then there was the 7 year old child who was listening to the story of how Sir Gawain got married. When he heard the test question of "What do women most want?" he put his hand up straight away. "Good sex", he said. The word went around the staffroom amazingly fast, all of us wondering just how he knew ...

And finally, my favourite mis-spelling of all time. A class I worked with recently had just been to visit the HMS Victory and another ship, known to some of them as the HMS Worrier. I think there's probably a whole novel in that one - motto "But what if...??"

Anne

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Jul 08 - 12:30 PM

Those are great fun, folks!

I often tells friends to "give me a holler" when saying goodbye on the telephone. 4.5 yr. old Morgan asked me one day after I'd said such, "What's a holler?" You could just see the wheels, wondering if it was something he wanted, too!

For some reason, he has changed his most often used word "why" into "why-ah?" recently. Almost sounds like "why-aye!" Maybe it was that Mark Knopfler CD he's heard, though not recently!:-)

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say!
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Jul 08 - 01:39 PM

The teacher was reading to the 3rd grade class when she came to the word 'frugal'. She asked the class if they knew it, and got no response.
"Well, it means 'saving'" she explained. "Can anyone use it in a sentence?"
There was a short silence, the Little Johnny raised his hand.

"A knight was out riding when he saw a princess being attacked by a dragon. "Frugal me, frugal me!", she cried...so he killed the dragon and frugaled her, and they lived happily everafter."