BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jan 04 - 11:08 AM

The Laird o' Phelps spent Hogmanay declaring he was sober,
Counted his feet to prove the fact and found he had one foot over.
Mrs Carmichael had her fifth, looked at the job with repulsion,
Said to the midwife 'Take it away; I'm through with overproduction'.

It's no go the gossip column, it's no go the Ceilidh,
All we want is a mother's help and a sugar-stick for the baby.

Willie Murray cut his thumb, couldn't count the damage,
Took the hide of an Ayrshire cow and used it for a bandage.
His brother caught three hundred cran when the seas were lavish,
Threw the bleeders back in the sea and went upon the parish.

It's no go the Herring Board, it's no go the Bible,
All we want is a packet of fags when our hands are idle.

It's no go the picture palace, it's no go the stadium,
It's no go the country cot with a pot of pink geraniums,
It's no go the Government grants, it's no go the elections,
Sit on your arse for fifty years and hang your hat on a pension.

It's no go my honey love, it's no go my poppet;
Work your hands from day to day, the winds will blow the profit.
The glass is falling hour by hour, the glass will fall for ever,
But if you break the bloody glass you won't hold up the weather.


(Louis MacNeice, Bagpipe Music)

Regards,

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peg
Date: 05 Jan 04 - 09:16 AM

so, did anyone catch the kielbasa eating contest featured on "Malcolm in the Middle" last night? (I chose to watch Masterpiece Theatre instead but 'Malcolm' is actually a very good show).

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 05 Jan 04 - 04:24 AM

Guessed,
how about Hagimany?

No, that's 70's song,

"Going up to Hagagmani..." or something...

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Guessed
Date: 04 Jan 04 - 08:23 AM

Talking of stuffing anyone got a good recipe for "hide the Polish"?

Foolestroupe
Is that the correct form of plural for Haggis? AND just a thought but when addressing the Haggi - is i t appropriate to wear Haggis Tweed?

I'll get my kilt........

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Dead Horse
Date: 04 Jan 04 - 06:29 AM

Phucked.
How one pheels aphter plucking fousands oph feasants?

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Jan 04 - 07:21 PM

HAGGARD: how one feels after many Haggi.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 03 Jan 04 - 05:55 AM

I'm stuck to haggii like a stamp to letter
Like birds of a feather we'll stick together
HAGGI [The collective noun for more than one haggis]
John

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: LadyJean
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 11:27 PM

It being so close to that great poet's birthday, I should correct artbrooks. Burns poem is called "Nine Inch Will Please a Lady". Of course Robert Burns knew nothing of polish sausages. But he did know haggis.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 09:06 AM

I prefer my Polish Sausage sliced thinly and gently fried in a pan.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peace
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 01:13 PM

Amos,

OUCH!

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: GUEST,Old Maid from Mudcat
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 12:58 PM

HEY, scarey eyebrows!!!!!!!

I'd settle for two sixes!


Old Maid from Mudcat

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 11:27 AM

The company that Dr Guitar references is also pleased to provide Felt Wheels, which is an alternative path to Polish a sensitive Sausage.   A well-felt sausage is a Wheel Deal.

One must try different approaches and gradually settle down with one which produces the most upstanding results.

However, whatever else you do, stay away from these people if you value your sausage at all.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Dead Horse
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 11:10 AM

Brucie dear,
Left or right circling bees is a matter of political preference, but ALL must be the same. On one occasion I regret I was amiss in this regard, and all the lefties pounced upon the sole rightie, and turned it into jello. It was entertaining for a while, but not what I was here after! I have never repeated the experience the other way round.
After all, that would be perverse.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peg
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 08:23 AM

I   posted a recipe some time ago; didn't you see it?

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peace
Date: 31 Dec 03 - 05:45 PM

This thread has become disgusting. African killer bees would sure wake a guy up, huh?

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 11:54 PM

... in that case, don't wish for a little head ...

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: artbrooks
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 10:38 PM

What's that saying? Oh yeah: "12 inch will please a lady."

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 09:13 PM

Well, Joe,
they do say
"Be careful what you wish for, you just may have your wish fulfilled", as in a 12 inch pianist.... :-)

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peace
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 09:00 PM

Dead Horse: Would that be a wing to the left as one faces the bee, or a wing from the left as the bee faces away?

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 02:52 PM

The Ecologist magazine (www.theecologist.org, though it wasn't finding a server when I tried) had an article by Robert Kennedy Jr about some company - can't remember the name - which he seemed to think had impoverished American pig farmers, and which is now moving into Poland.

According to the article the company buys up the slaughterhouses so the farmers have no choice but one on where to get their pigs slaughtered, then drops the rate of pay, then acquires the farms so the farmers become low-waged workers instead of kulaks or self-employed farm owners.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: DougR
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 02:25 PM

I don't suppose anybody has a good recipe for Polish Sausage they could share, right?

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Dead Horse
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 12:37 PM

Brucie baby,
Size of box obviously depends on calibre of sausage. For some, a matchbox will do.
One must remove a wing from said bumble bee oneself. (It is vital to remove a wing from the SAME SIDE of each bee, or they will only collide and gum up the works.
Hole cutting is a matter of individual taste, its only a hobby fer kripes sake, not an exact science!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 09:06 AM

I'd worry about the stingers myself. But, a chaucun a son gout....

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Cluin
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 01:51 AM

Kielbasa?      Kolbassa?

What's the difference (besides the spelling)?

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Joe Offer
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 01:16 AM

I requested THIS thread???
Shame on me.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 12:23 AM

I'm from Pittsburgh. Polish sausage is our national dish. With regards to Poles and polish, I've known a lot of Polish Americans. THEY ARE THE CLEANEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET!!! They make Germans look like slobs! I'm sure there are signs on the Polish borders that read, "Welcome To Poland, Please Wipe Your Feet".

With regards to certain other comments about other types of sausage, there's always toad in the hole, but perhaps we shouldn't go there.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 10:40 PM

I'd feel sheepish sending money to the William Shatner School of Baaad Acting...

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: khandu
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 09:43 PM

Just you wait til Joe Offer shows up! He'll straighten all you funny guys out!
Just you wait!!

k

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peace
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 07:19 PM

Not that I'm interested or anything, but where would a guy get the one-winged bees from? Just idle curiousity. Does it have to be a shoe box? More idle curiousity. Do you cut the hole out first?

David W Ondering

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 02:43 PM

Dat am de wurst joke I heard in ages DH.
John

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 02:18 PM

"Yeah, but don't the bees living in the shoebox die?"
"Well, fock'em! It's only a hobby!"

(old joke).


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Dead Horse
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 02:15 PM

My favourite method of Sausage Polishing (Saustabation?)
First you must lubricate your sausage with honey, then insert said sausage into a hole in a small shoe box, which has been pre-stocked with bumble bees.
The bumble bees should, of course, have one wing removed.
The rotary action of the one winged bumble bees encircling your sausage will give it a real good polishing in no time.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 12:14 PM

John, I tried that. Couldn't open my hand. Spent all day with a tingling arm and a fist. My arm was in front of my face, so I looked threatening. I was cussed, and two guys took a punch at me.

Oh, yeah. I suppose I shouldn't have had my middle finger raised when I put my hand and arm to sleep, huh?

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 11:30 AM

Giok: Who is this "they" you've been hanging out with? And, do they things like that very often? :>)


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 11:23 AM

They do say that if you tuck your arm under your body, and lie on it till it goes numb,and then polish your sausage, it feels like someone else is doing it for you. How's that for a way to save 50 bucks?
John

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Big Mick
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 10:51 AM

Peg......ouch.....Art will be very proud of you.....that was terrible.....I loved it.

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peg
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 10:47 AM

Andouille all agree this has gone far enough?

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 08:59 AM

Linguica is the natural host of double-entendres, by the way,

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peace
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 04:16 AM

And to the nurse walking down the hallway with a pail of extremely hot water: "No, no! I said prick his boil, Nurse Eliot, prick his boil!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 04:11 AM

My mother always told me to prick sausages with a fork to stop them exploding.

Sometimes I wonder how I turned out so nice and normal.

Mind you, there have been times when I can see her point.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 01:05 AM

Phooey on kielbasa! Phooey on Polish sausage!

Linguica! (There's a little tail under the "c" but I'm not gonna go through the trouble to put it in right now.) Good linguica from the Cape Verde Islands or Massachusettes or Portugal.

I shall refraim from comments about how cunning linguica can be....

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peace
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 09:00 PM

Oh, Sausage Queen,
Oh, Sausage Queen,
I fail to see just what you mean.
Oh, Little Hawk,
Oh, Little Hawk,
The Sausage Queen desires your suggestions.

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: GUEST,The Sausage Queen
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 08:51 PM

Little Hawk, much as I would wish to pay you 10 dollars (oh, it'll be 20 dollars now, won't it, once this has been posted) as you are the rightful owner of this thread, I regret that this is impossible for me. Like Her Majesty Queen Elisabeth II, I am also a Regal Lady who Does Not Carry Cash. HOWEVER, I would be delighted to recompense such a charming gentleman as yourself in some other way, of your choosing, and look forward to your suggestions.

THE SAUSAGE QUEEN

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 08:47 PM

Bruce, you disgust me! (Now go ahead. Fight over which Bruce it was I was referring to...)

Actually, most sausages can be stroked in both directions without impairing the effectiveness of the warming process or affecting the spicy taste. Boiling is considered too severe, and can cause the sausage to burst, so simply warm gradually at a low simmer. Sausages can be frozen for safe-keeping. They will shrink a little from the cold, but that is no cause for alarm, because warming them again will restore them to full size.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Peace
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 08:34 PM

I wish to make clear that the Bruce above (Bee-dubya-ell) is Bruce, not Bruce. We are different people. I would not stoop to writing anything with double entendres on a serious thread. Bruce would. This thread is about sausage. I think it should be kept that way. Dirty remarks don't befit the members of Mudcat. That Bruce might contribute to lascivious postings, but not this Bruce. I am, quite frankly, disgusted. Bruce, I hope you heard that.

So, about this sausage polish and the fifty dollar polishers. Jeeze, ya gotta hand it to 'em. Different strokes for different folks. Speaking of which, I would think the sausage has to be stroked in a single direction to prevent blistering of the skin before it is inserted into the warmer for heating. Or have I misunderstood something here? Bruce will no doubt find something off-colour in what I have written. His mind works that way. Mine doesn't.

Bruce (the other Bruce, not that Bruce.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: harpgirl
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 07:29 PM

I heard they call it Vienna sausage in Ohio!

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 06:57 PM

Lubriderm lotion has been shown to be the best compound for sausage polishing. If the price for genuine Lubriderm seems a little steep, "generic" equivalents such as those available at Wal-Mart or Dollar General Stores will work fairly well.

Please ignore all suggestions about using steel wool, wire brushes or any other abrasive tool or substance for sausage polishing. And under no circumstance should one use any rotary buffing or grinding appliances including handrill-mounted buffing wheels, angle grinders or belt sanders. However, very satisfactory results have been obtained using oscillating or orbital sanders. Just be sure to remove the sandpaper first.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 04:45 PM

Awright. Given the fact that I am the one who launched the idea upon which this thread is based...that's right me...not Joe Offer....

I expect royalties from all of you. Now.

Ten bucks a post, payable to the William Shatner School of Baaad Acting, Orillia, Ontario, Canada.

The nerve, crediting it to Joe Offer!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Kim C
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 02:47 PM

Spaw, haven't you told that story before? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Much Needed Polish Sausage Thread
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Dec 03 - 02:39 PM

I've never liked the idea of polishing with wire wool and other such abrasives. I've always preferred soft cotton and a good clean chamois.

LTS