BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment

Subject: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Mickey191
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 01:45 AM

Used to listen to an Irish Radio Show every Sunday, hosted by a fellow we'll call Joe.He was so affable & always in good form on the show. He took requests, and he had one rule-the artist could sing only one song on each show. One Sunday, the day after Paddy's Day, he must have been hung over because there was not a word of introduction. Suddenly came on the voice of Carmel Quinn singing "Wee Hughie"-the most God awful piece of tripe ever written.The song is a mother lamenting her son's first day of school. She's looking out the window at him, he's crying, his coat's too big, he's pigeon toed. (Why in the hell wasn't she out there with him???) Anyway the song played 4 or 5 times.It was ghastly & hysterical at the same time. The engineer must have been plowed too. Then Ken says, "That was the lovely Carmel Quinn (gag me) singing Wee Hughie." By now I'm on the floor laughing, Joe's sounded peculiar, he finally gave in and laughed his head off. He played every song on the tape or record atleast twice. It was one hour of torture. He finished with Wee Hughie because he said he just got a request. Well that was the topper! He was laughing as it played.

The next Sunday everything was cool--he took some requests, and this ancient sounding old lady, with a sweet brogue called in and requested a song from her childhood, a song her Mother sang. Joe says, What's the title? She: Wee Hughie.    Thought I'die.

Anyone have a similar memory. Booze is usually the culprit. Anyone recall when a N.Y. weatherman got canned because he was tipsy one night? Tell it if you do recall.

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 02:00 AM

A certain Australian later to be a well known ABC announcer was working in his earlier days for 4BU, a country commercial Radio Station that used to take the ABC news feed. Just after the 7pm ABC National News, there was this horrible squishing sound, and he came on and said
"Well, they say there's 57 tomatoes in every bottle, but I only got about half of one in, and the rest is all over the studio!"

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 08:44 AM

Just before Christmas on Radio 4 (UK talk channel) they gave the tip of the day for the 2=30 race at Epsom or Wolverhampton (whatever) and he explained he had to say it carefully (I certainly would not have given it another thought if he had not telegraphed the joke) and the Horse's name? Noble Locks.
Obviously not scratched!!
Happy new year

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Micca
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 09:41 AM

One has to ask Mr Red was it a gelding?

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 10:24 AM

Would that be "Back to School again" by Tommy Sands? "...the most God awful piece of tripe ever written" - if it is, God, you're a hard man to please...

Back to school again, where's my coat and where's my pen
Back to school again, and what did you put in my sandwiches

He's gone to school Wee Hughie and sure he is onlyfour
I saw the fright was in him when he left that door
But he took a hand of Dinny and he took a hand of Dan
And with Joe's old coat upon him, ach the poor wee man
(Do the best you can)

Well the teacher he did teach me with his teacher's rhythm stick
Reading and writing and a-rhythm-atic
But when it was all over, sure his final words for me
You'll never get a job for you've got no degree
(It's the university)

Well I went to the University and studied Modern Art
I picked up on Picasso and I learned to paint like mad
But when I graduated sure the only job at hand
Was painting a computer for a silicone man
(What a silly man)

Back I went to night school like a lot of silly mugs
All infected by computery and binary and bugs
I entrusted to a robot all the knowledge I had known
But a dog ate the floppy disc and I was on my own
(He thought it was a bone)

Well the good old ten times tables sure I tried to sing once more
I still recalled the melody but not a single word
But at least I've got a job now and I shouldn't really fuss
For I am the driver of the old school bus
(I've really got it sussed)

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Mickey191
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 11:30 AM

McGrath, I'm not a hard man. I'm a soft woman.

This is the Shmaltz I speak of:

WEE HUGHIE

He's gone to school, Wee Hughie,
An' him not four,
Sure I saw the fright was in him
When he left the door.

But he took a hand o' Denny
An' a hand o' Dan,
Wi' Joe's owld coat upon him -
Och, the poor wee man !

He cut the quarest figure,
More stout nor thin;
An trottin' right an' steady
Wi' his toes turned in.

I watched him to the corner
O' the big turf stack,
An' the more the feet went forrit,
Still his head turned back.

He was lookin', would I call him -
Och, me heart was woe
Sure it' lost I am without him,
But he be to go.

I followed to the turnin'
When he passed it by,
God help him, he was cryin',
An', maybe, so was I.

If one looks up shmaltz in the dictionary it says:see Wee Hughie. Especially after listening to C.Quinn whine it out. Pure torture. That's why there are so many flavors of icecream. Something to please everyone.I demur vanilla & the Wee man & Carmel Quinn
However, I did read one of your poems or songs the other day which touched me very deeply. I thought it was so beautiful and was going to pm you. I was afraid you'd pick apart my grammar & punctuation so I demurred. I shall look it up.

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: GUEST,ella
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 12:14 PM

The paper chain one?

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Mickey191
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 12:26 PM

Before you slipped away
You're the one I'd want to turn to
when there's nowhere else to turn.
You're the one who tried to teach me,
so I wouldn't need to learn.
And it's too late now to tell you,
but I'll tell you anyway,
don't I wish I'd seen you one more time
before you slipped away

Far more than I can say,
far more than I can say,
I'd like to sit beside you
and pass the time of day,
and listen to your stories,
far better than a play,
and take your hand and say goodbye,
before you slipped away.

It's strange the way so many things
keep coming back to mind,
like half forgotten memories
of half remembered times,
and things I meant to tell you,
but never got to say
don't I wish I'd seen you one more time,
before you slipped away.

Far more than I can say,
far more than I can say,
I'd like to sit beside you
and pass the time of day,
and listen to your stories,
far better than a play,
and take your hand and say goodbye,
before you slipped away.

And at times I get a notion
when the music's playing loud
and the mandolin is ringing
and there's singing in the crowd,
I almost think I see you
-are you back for just one day
to listen to a tune or two,
before you slip away.

Far more than I can say,
far more than I can say,
I'd like to sit beside you
and pass the time of day,
and listen to your stories,
far better than a play,
and take your hand and say goodbye,
before you slipped away.
And while the music's playing
you feel so close at hand,
with your pipe there in your pocket,
and your matches in your hand.
But you're gone before it's over
- that always was your way.
But I wish we'd had a chance to talk
before you slipped away.

Far more than I can say,
far more than I can say,
I'd like to sit beside you
and pass the time of day,
and listen to your stories,
far better than a play,
and take your hand and say goodbye,
before you slipped away.


I hope your lovely words & thoughts didn't suffer in the moving from your site. Feel free to beat me with a wet noodle if I've harmed your song. Wish I could hear it. I just love it, Mr. McGrath.

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 12:56 PM

"tune in next week, when the sermon will be "Cast thy bread upon the waters"....This is the National Breadcasting System"

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 01:02 PM

Well, that's a nice New Year's Dayt prezzie for me, Mickey. I liked seing that one I wrote about my father posted, and by someone other than me.

But I think maybe you're a bit hard on Wee Hughie, going by the words alone anyway.

Performance is something else. Sing that one of mine the wrong way and it could come out as real schamlzy too...

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 01:13 PM

I remember a story many years ago about a radio broadcat in England, where a novice young fellow was given the job of reporting on a parade in which Winston Churchill was to appear. (I have NOT been able to find an authoritative mention of this incident, so please correct me if I have it wrong)

anyway..., as I remember the story, the young broadcaster was terribly nervous, and had composed for himself a short sentence to say as soon as he saw Churchill's car appear. "Here comes the Prime Minister, he's beribboned and waving!"

well, the delays went on and he became more nervous and practiced over & over until by the time Churchill actually appeared, the fellow blurted, "here comes the Preem Mooster!...uh..the Prime Monster...uh...he's bourboned and weaving!"

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Micca
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 01:20 PM

There is a story that the King of Norway, exiled in England during WWII was making a broadcast on (I think) the BBC , as his speech ended there was a dignified pause and then the sound of Merry go rounds and the cries of stall holders and coconut shys and steam organs were heard, while the studio manager tried frantically to get it shut off and the King sat in stony silence. The producer had, it seems, sent a badly written note to the Record library asking for a Fanfare.....

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: HuwG
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 01:37 PM

In belated response to Mr. Red's post, there has been quite a mania in recent years for racehorse owners to select names deliberately designed to force excited commentators into committing obscene gaffes on air.

Some of those which have achieved wins or good places have been:

Joe Blob
Hoof-hearted
Norfolk and Chance

And no doubt there are others which I cannot recall at the moment ...

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 02:09 PM

Ed Stewart managed to play the unexpurgated version of The Beautiful South's 'Don't marry her' before anyone noticed! He still works for good old Radio 2 though:-)

Anyone else liken The Beautiful South btw?

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: mike the knife
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 04:17 PM

I was working for a small country station in Virginia when I forgot to close the mike once when I was cutting from announcing the station ID to the CBS news feed from satellite. The lead story was the revolution in Russia (1991) and that Gorby was OK. That was the end of my shift on a Friday & I had immediate plans that included women and beer and I was in a very good mood. I rolled the chair back & was grabbing carts, squaring things away, etc & yelled "Go get 'em Gorby!" and chanting "Mik-hi-el, Mik-hi-el" and other silliness when I got a "look" through the plexiglass from the Program Director. I was shouting all over the news feed. Luckily nothing obscene. Another time I was doing the morning show for Jazz Radio Berlin and I knocked over the ENTIRE stack of CD's I had prepared for the day's show just as I opened the mike for the intro of my show. Very Loud. The Sensenheimer mike we had in the studio was so sensitive it could read the minds of people miles away. All of my CD's were on the floor. the VU meter was pegged. The playlist was on my desk. I had NO coffee. I utterly blanked on the artist/title of the song I had opened with. I forgot temporarily how to speak both English and German and just made little guttural strangled sounds before completely breaking up laughing. The mike was still open. Must have been 3 to 5 seconds- felt like 2 days. Luckily the owner of the station wasn't awake yet- she would have killed me.

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: s&r
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 04:56 PM

Cricket comentary (Brian Johnston?) "The bowler's holding; the batsman's Willey".

Cricket: a baseball like game, but slower and more skilful;)

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Peace
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 05:29 PM

Hoobert Heaver

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: GUEST,Bernie
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 08:00 PM

When Queen Elizabeth and King George of England toured Canada[1939,I think]they came down the gangplank and proceeded along the pier...the announcer for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation ,anticipating the 21 gun salute and reviewing of the troops,said[according to my father]"and now,the Royal party,led by their majesties,will proceed to the review area,where they will be greeted by the traditional twenty-one son galoot"

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 08:09 PM

I believe the NYC weatherman was Uncle Weatherbee. As I racall, his spot was preceded by a report of a rape. The good uncle "in his cups" announced that a woman with her skirt up can run faster than a man with his pants down. Anyone recall more or different details?

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segm
From: Mickey191
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 09:18 PM

Right you are Sinsull. I'd forgotten about that terrible story. You've stated it exactly the way I recall. The one I was thinking of was when he (Tex)was doing weather for a small local. He was "3 sheets to the wind" and was walking to the studio with a camera crew following him. There was a Con Edison crew in a ditch. He couldn't resist stopping & calling down to the crew, YOO HOO, hello down there, whatcha' doin'? He interrogated the crew with slurred speech & almost fell in. All live, it was funny, unlike the first story.

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Mickey191
Date: 01 Jan 04 - 09:28 PM

Thread Creep-Warning.

Ever misread something & laugh yourself silly? Everytime I scan the current threads I think I see where's the Crackpot thread gone.

Reading the paper tonight: Story Of Princess Anne's dog biting a maid in the leg. The same dog, Florence, killed one of the Queen's corgies last week. The last line I read it as: The Royals have not decided if they are going to put Florence, the maid, down.

Reread it: have not decided if they are going to put Florence, the dog, down.

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Helen
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 01:16 PM

When I worked in the library we had a book of broadcasting gaffs, which I wish I remembered the name of. One of my favourites was teh newsreader who interrupted his newsreading to comment on the written message being scrolled across the bottom of the screen, warning people about a fog. The problem was that the word fog was misspelled, with a different letter instead of 'f' so he said: "Sorry about the 'f' in fog". (You need to say it aloud if you don't get it.)

Another one was about a children's segment which was written by an "old maid" who obviously knew nothing about male anatomy and sex, because the whole segment was about playing with balls. It went on and on, and got funnier and funnier. The station people had a meeting about whether to broadcast it, but decided to go ahead because the author had intended it in all innocence.

Another one: a very annoyed and disgusted woman rang up and complained that when she turned the radio on (BBC I think) she heard the announcer say, in mid sentence: "Great tits like watermelons". In fact she had tuned into a nature show and the speaker was talking about the food which birds like to eat, including the bird called a "great tit".

There was another one about the a reporter reporting live on the parade to honour the Pope in his Popemobile (plexiglass protected vehicle). He mixed up the words and ended up referring to the 'Poopy something' instead of the 'Pope something'. I'll have to try and remember that one.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 01:53 PM

One from my mother's past. She and my father are from Buffalo which of course is famous for snowfall if not for our poor lamented footbal team the Bills! (Go Bills!)
Anyway, the newscaster got to the weather and had to stop for a moment. In a voice dripping sarcasm he announced that the National Weather Service's forecast included a 20 percent chance of snow. He concluded with "Looking over my shoulder out the window I can see it's 20 percenting outside!"

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Cluin
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 03:01 PM

a couple of good ones here.

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Mr Red
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 05:20 PM

Micca

I don't know but it may have meant to be but due to a balls-up that item has been cut......

dunno even (or odd) if it won but it might have been a no-show!

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: GUEST,Desdemona
Date: 02 Jan 04 - 10:34 PM

I recall one from Valentine's Day about 10 years ago...a man phones up to dedicate a song to his wife because it's their anniversary; the DJ asks how long they've been married, and the man answers "8 years".

"How would you like me to dedicate the song?"

"Just say that this goes out to Nancy from Joe, and that I love her & I hope we'll be married for another 8 years"...!

We fell about the place.

More recently, I heard a woman asking to hear a song that's a favourite of her husband, who's serving in Iraq. The DJ agreed tom play it, it in the hope that, "your husband's arms will be coming home to you soon"...EEEEWWWW!!!

D.

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: GUEST,Pete Betts
Date: 03 Jan 04 - 05:57 AM

I don't know whether this is true or not - but I've been telling it for over 30 Years ....relating to the famous Oxford versus Cambridge Boat Race.
John Snagg the famous old English (Radio) commentator reputedly reported that " After one of the most exciting races and finishes in recent history - Princess Margaret has now presented the trophy and the huge crowd applauds as she kisses the Cox of the winning crew".

To HuwG message of the 1/1/04 , Huw, why not add WARWICK HUNT to your collection.

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Jan 04 - 07:32 AM

The ABC has a long running TV kids show called Playschool.

I saw this clip on an outtakes show it's famous! The two presenters, a guy and a girl were doing "cars". The guy was wearing a cardboard box around his waist with wheels attached, etc - looked like a car. The lady acquired this large spanner, and stuck her head under the car "to tighten up any loose nuts under there". They had absolutely straight faces, and apparently nobody in the production team realised what it could mean...

Funny the ABC hasn't repeated that epsiode - but then it was back in the early days of Black and White TV.... :-)

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Mr Red
Date: 03 Jan 04 - 01:11 PM

THE Boat Race - wasn't it John Snagg who said "I can't see who's in front it's either Oxford or Cambridge"

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 04 - 06:23 PM

Back in the '70s the Emperor of Japan visited the US. And then the following came out from a Pittsburgh TV station:

"...the Emperor of Japan flew home today, concluding his state visit. Next, the weatherman says there's a nip in the air!"

I don't think anyone was fired, but I suspect that there were reprimands. If my memory is good, this little faux pas even made "Playboy."

Back in high school I was part of a Junior Achievement radio show - we sold advertising and the whole bit. Anyway, one night we mixed up the play list, and when the two guys doing the announcing (a couple of real doofoids) would announce the next song, we'd play the one from the same spot the previous week. This wasn't unintentional, however.

Subject: RE: BS: Funniest(Unintentional)Radio Segment
From: Helen
Date: 03 Jan 04 - 06:51 PM

I just remembered the Pope quote: His Poopiness, the Hole.

"There was another one about the a reporter reporting live on the parade to honour the Pope in his Popemobile (plexiglass protected vehicle). He mixed up the words and ended up referring to the 'Poopy something' instead of the 'Pope something'. I'll have to try and remember that one."

Helen