HELP my widget is smoking

Subject: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 10:16 AM

I've just installed a modulated repression executor to my unregulated distonic metriculation modulator which is now transducing the primary semi- conduction bihedral pan-distonic executors. Of course i'm using the Chinese manufactured as opposed to the American overpriced units which are of course the xa cta bma rectagonicalicaly interfaced versions.The Maggie Thatcher is a better unit than the Mary Whitehouse units,but thats only if you are using the Blair one module and not the Norman Lamont Distonic bifibrulator. I've downloaded the latest xp wa esta 9/11 Woodstock rockpop software speedup/slowdown hardrive cruncher which is now making my pc run at 75 times as slow as the Babbage 1 interface erection bitrinculator. All in all by 200094 my download should have finished in time for the the installation of the latest execution reselection eradicature bitpart stand in cryosotonic induction preracticature which I am sure you will appreciate is of major importance in installing the Clinton 2 automated Kettle boiler... I can send you the instructions for the birtle 5 reactivator distribulator by pda..

Your much esteemed advice please..

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Bobjack
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 10:19 AM

Have you been at the jazz cigarettes again dave?

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Allan C.
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 10:22 AM

Yeah, yeah. But can it make proper tea?

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 10:24 AM

Left-handed or right-handed birtle 5 reactivator distribulator? Have you tried a transgenic formation regulator? That works, but only if you tweak the equity settings.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Kim C
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 10:28 AM

Throw water on it.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: GUEST,Bill Gates
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 10:33 AM

I have a small team of people who will be only to willing to help with your problem. I have built one or two myself and you sometimes get teething problems.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: GUEST,Ghirotondo at work
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 10:37 AM

HA! They've sold you the old model... without the mertilizer... mine is better! NYAH, NYAH, NYAH!

o. .o
=O=   

Ghirotondo

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: GUEST,Eddie Pyle
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 10:45 AM

My GOD, man! Have you seen anything resembling a flying pickle in the last 24 hours? Watch the sky! They're out there! If you feel you can't handle this alone, contact me in Tulsa. Phone the offices of the Loyal Order of Muskrats any time after 6 PM and ask for Eddie.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 10:46 AM

The original design came from the late Prof Stanley Unwin, although the later modifications made it much less prone to getting punctures.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 10:47 AM

Have you tried changing the brake pads?

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 10:48 AM

you need more data..click here for complete instructions

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 11:00 AM

We had exactly the same problem here, and it's in the software, not the hardware.

Line 2397345 most likely reads "IF 'LINE 2397344 => '0'' THEN GO SUBR 'LACY_69' ELSE GO SUBR 'SMOK' THEN END OR ELSE"

Not only should this read "=" and not "=>" because it refers to a truth table, subroutine LACY-69 is an incorrect mass of spaghetti code written in LITHP, a programming language which is little or no longer used. You'll have to either rewrite in C+++ or Java, or find a translator program which will first reduce it to machine language and then bring the machine language into either C+++ or JVB. Or ADA. ADA would work too.

Got that? No problem at all to fix, really.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 11:01 AM

Ooops. That should be subroutine LACY_69; subroutine LACY-69 is another thing entirely.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: moocowpoo
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 11:01 AM

Just get a cat instead they're less complicated and demanding and they don't smoke nearly so often(except for when they're stressed and need to unwind). seriously now, I believe kim c is the voice of reason here. Anytime I have trouble with something I always find that a bit of water works wonders. The other day windows crashed on me.........no worries, straight into the kitchen for a cup of water, splish, splosh in to the computer, up and running again.   CD player skipping, NO PROBLEM!, open up the lid, take the cd out and spit hard, straight on to the lens, don't wipe it off, just stick the cd straight back in (if this fails, soak the cd player in tepid water for 15 minutes, *you may be tempted to just run the tap over it but this is a half-measure and will not achieve best results) ..... and for your bigger problems, say, the main circuitboard of your house is acting a bit sparky, arc-ing, shooting laser-beams at the cat and so-forth..well, youll need the garden hose for that one and, loads of pressure. water, natures miracle.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 11:08 AM

and remember

NEVER

NEVER

EVER

feedyour widget after midnight.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: GUEST,Corridus
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 11:17 AM

But ALWAYS feed your hamster after midnight!

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 11:33 AM

You dopes!

my widget is smoking

Clearly this calls for getting laid! :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 11:47 AM

I thought it smoked AFTER...

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 12:00 PM

Sttaw Legend - I have a pink one. Is that the same type as yours? Is it a male or female connector you need?

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 12:10 PM

Fibula - it's the female connector I need I have the male (but it is pinkish)

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 12:32 PM

Ah, I have a female connector myself. Different architecture.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 12:35 PM

Professor Irwin Cory addressed all of these issues years ago. Where have you people been?

SRS

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 12:59 PM

Is that anything like a Gidget?
John

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 01:27 PM

Yet another case of rampant consumerism! And exactly what was wrong with your good old dependable analog widget? Probably nothing, right? You just had to have the "latest thing", didn't you? Well, let me tell you something. Those old analog widgets would last practically forever with just a little bit of normal maintenance, but these newfangled digital things.... Let's just say that you better not get too fond of it because it's going to last about a month longer than the manufacturer's warranty period. Then you're going to have to buy a new one. Forget about getting it repaired. Digital widgets are just like condoms - it costs a lot more to get a broken one repaired than to just buy a new one.

Well, I, for one, am not going to go there! I plan on keeping my good old analog widget until it either falls apart or falls off. You can call me a Luddite if you want, but some things are just worth standing your ground for. Anyway, analog widgets never smoke!

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: GUEST,Tracey Dragonsfriend
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 01:55 PM

We had one of those, but the legs fell off. But a good thick book under it will hold it far enough off the ground for the rotating frumboggle to clear the snudgebracket. Your smoke problem is likely caused by dry bearings in the frungewangler joint - 10w40 is good, but lard will do in a pinch.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 03:23 PM

Bruce, in your experience, do broken condoms smoke?

If you don't have any 10w40 handy Formula 409 or WD40 will work.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Walking Eagle
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 04:19 PM

Being part-blood Cherokee, I can supply you with some herbs to solve your problem. Obviously, your digital widget is not walking in harmony. Just a thought here. Are you using the right transconconducutor cable here? If you have an M-06-132-789ap instead of an M-06-132-789aq cable,then your widget is not transfusing properly. All the same, I have the herbs if it gets to that. Might have to wait until spring though as it sounds like you need really fresh ones to make the grease that you need.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Dead Horse
Date: 28 Jan 04 - 05:20 PM

Willard, according to the manual here, about six inches from the tail-end of it, there's a plate... yeh, and it's held on by four screws... Now it says... now this is very important... it says, 'This plate should be removed with an LT5 screwdriver with a plastic handle and a de-magnetised tip'... Oh, you don't have one, huh?...
Oh!... use a coin then.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 29 Jan 04 - 03:41 AM

But does it inhale?

RtS

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Bobjack
Date: 29 Jan 04 - 03:49 AM

Or swallow?

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jan 04 - 05:22 AM

One swallow doth not a widget make.
John

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 29 Jan 04 - 08:44 AM

Thanks for all the advice - I've tried most of your suggestions BUT it's still smoking and their's now evidence of leakage any ideas ?

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: GUEST,Me thinks
Date: 29 Jan 04 - 10:56 AM

An nice read, but cant help cos not techy minded (or a councellor) swallow indeed. I'm going home now cos i'm tired - BYE

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Santa
Date: 29 Jan 04 - 10:59 AM

Waterloo (using the diagonal bypass rule)

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 29 Jan 04 - 11:11 AM

You must be one of those people who force widgets to smoke and claim that it's for scientific research, when it's just to sell extra cigarettes. We have also heard of disgusting cases where live widgets have been forced into cans, merely to try and improve beer sales.

The Animal Liberation Front (Widget Division) know where you live and will be paying you a visit soon . . . . .

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Dr. Guitar
Date: 29 Jan 04 - 11:22 AM

Dear Mr Sttaw Legend,

Your dilemma has attracted me out of my own thread (which I rarely leave on an unsolicited basis).

I will repeat the advice which I have often dispensed there which is that it is best to leave replacement of the endpin to a specialist such as myself or my esteemed colleague, Dr. O.M. Dreadnought. Our fees are very reasonable and, in the saddest cases, we will often work pro bono.

Yours most respectfully,

Dr. Guitar

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Ironmule
Date: 29 Jan 04 - 11:33 AM

Electrical widgets have the smoke sealed in at the factory. They never work anymore once the smoke leaks out.

It's the same as with radios or drills or skill saws, don't let the smoke out.

Jeff Smith

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Walking Eagle
Date: 30 Jan 04 - 12:18 AM

The wedges on your portals must be worn out as well.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Hrothgar
Date: 30 Jan 04 - 06:52 AM

The evidence of leakage - are you sure that it is admissible?

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: HuwG
Date: 30 Jan 04 - 07:21 AM

And will it stand up in court ?


;-)

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Jan 04 - 08:05 PM

Did you adjust the cordwangler properly? Heavy friction on the cordwangler can sometimes cause smoking so it needs to be gently greased and allowed to settle naturally. Forcing it in the hole will only cause more sparks and a danger to shipping.

LTS

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 30 Jan 04 - 08:13 PM

I checked with the met office and they confirmed that sparks would fly if I gently greased it, and I could possibly make things hard for myself. Their would be no danger to shipping if I went in the correct channel.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 31 Jan 04 - 10:59 AM

Remember this.

Turn it off. I mean completely, depriving it of ALL electrical current (if it uses electrical current.)

Go away. Play an instrument, garden or bird-watch for a good while.


Turn it back on. It may be fixed.

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Jan 04 - 12:48 PM

Try picking up the front edge, lifting it an inch off of the table, and dropping it back down. This may straighten out the problem (it used to work on some of the old computers). If you after all of this work decide you want to kill off this widget and buy a new one, then drop it from tabletop height onto the floor. It's best if it lands hard on one corner (the post office technique with fragile boxes).

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Peace
Date: 31 Jan 04 - 01:52 PM

Try the patch!

Subject: RE: HELP my widget is smoking
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 Jan 04 - 06:05 PM

The corner method only works if the height is directly proportionate to the fragility of the item and the proximity to someone's foot.

Did you change the hamster wheel and reboot the rodent food?

LTS