Subject: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Rapparee Date: 04 Feb 04 - 09:25 PM I don't know, there may be something along these lines in the forum, but I couldn't figure out how to search for it. "Bawdy songs" returns too many things, and I don't think "bawdieized" or "bawdyized" are words. Anyway, I was wondering about songs that, innocent to start out with, you have "bawdyized" into a whole new song. For instance, we used to sing Mrs. Brown I think you daughter's pregnant Girls like her get pregnant all the time Her belly's changed, she says that I'm at fault.... (I don't remember the rest, but it was along the same lines) If the songs are there (and I'm sure they are), they should be collected into one thread. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Celtaddict Date: 04 Feb 04 - 09:33 PM I have a singing friend who manages to bawdify any song, often by the simple but creative addition of the letter "s" as in (Country Roads) All my memories gather round hers... I first set my eyes on Sweet Molly Malone's... or maybe Sweet Molly's Malone... and a broad assortment of "I held hers" and "my arms around hers" and such. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Midchuck Date: 04 Feb 04 - 11:10 PM "Redwing" is perhaps the ultimate classic example. Having learned the tune from my father's singing, I was approaching middle age before I learned it was anything but a dirty song. My mother, to this day, is shocked by it, even played as a fiddle tune. Fortunately, she never listened to western swing much anyway. Peter. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Splott Man Date: 05 Feb 04 - 07:38 AM On the British radio programme "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" they "edit" songs buy inserting a bleeper over innocent words, thus making ithem bawdy. It works well with show songs eg All I want is a BLEEP somewhere Far away from the cold BLEEP BLEEP With one enormous BLEEP Oh wouldn't it be luvverly? Try it to Rolf Harris's Two Little Boys.... |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Leadfingers Date: 05 Feb 04 - 07:56 AM Servicemen the world over have been rewriting popular songs for Other Ranks bar renditions since Lord knows when. I had a FILTHY song in my rep for thirty years before I heard The Jack Hylton band record from 1934 of Poor Little Angeline.(origanally a tender love ballad) If Bowdlerising is cleaning up a song there ought to be a word for the reverse process. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Grab Date: 05 Feb 04 - 08:11 AM Is "bawdlerising" too obvious a name? :-) The Digitrad has the very good dirty version of Teddy Bears' Picnic, which is highly recommended. Graham. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: JohnInKansas Date: 05 Feb 04 - 08:47 AM The "sneaker line" of the sort you're looking for is (or was some time back) a more or less standard thing in barbershop singing. Most of the trick lines were "naughty" at most, rather than outright obscene and nasty. It's been many years since I was regularly in the company of active barbershoppers, but I can recall a late fifties SPEBSQSA convention in the mid fifties at which one of the favored quartets did a "zipped up" version of School Days. The first run through was straight, and in great harmoney, followed by a second pass with a number of "zingers" slipped in. Sorry but about the only thing I remember for sure was the line: "She wrote in my book, I love you true, when we were a couple of kids." became: "She wrote in my book, ...poignant pause ... I know-a-dirty-joke, when ...etc. Rather tame, I'm afraid, but I suspect the practice survives if you can find someone active in that tradition. Down by the Old Mill Stream is another often done, in the "patter style" with interjected counter-lines. Down by the old mill stream, where I first met you ... becomes, usually with the high tenor doing the italicized bits: Down by the old not the new but the old mill stream, Where I first not second but first met you .... The interjected patter lines were frequently "warped" into suggestive form, but I'm sorry, I can't remember a version to pass on at the moment. Certainly the most "risque" zing was when another (or maybe the same first mentioned) quartet replaced the traditional ending tag "Shave and a haircut, four-bits...etc. with: Sung by the whorehouse ... quartet Have ya got a hard on ... not yet Are ya gonna get one ... you bet slowly and in full harmony It's sloooowly riiiisiiiing. (note: high tenor modulates on last syllable) John |
Subject: Lyr Add: THE LOG DRIVER'S WALTZ (Wade Hemsworth) From: GUEST,ClaireBear Date: 05 Feb 04 - 11:36 AM I swiped a technique from one of the cowboy poets -- sorry, I heard him about 20 years ago and I've forgotten his name, but I bet someone else will remember; he was opening for Riders in the Sky at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco and he was wonderful! Anyway, all he did was simple LEAVE OUT words (technically I think he hummed) to make the song seem naughty. He did a three-verse song about a woman, and by the time he got to the third verse it was nothing but humming. This is not only hilarious, it's actually quite classy since you don't have to say anything raunchy. Here is that effect applied to Wade Hemsworth's sweet and lovely Log Driver's Waltz, for instance. The original words are in the DT; here's my version (**** = silence, which I find more effective than humming): THE LOG DRIVER'S WALTZ (Wade Hemsworth) If you should ask any girl from the parish around What pleases her most from her **** to her toes, She'll say - I'm not sure that it's business of yours, But I do like to ***** with a log driver. Cho: For he goes birling down a-down the white water; That's where the log driver learns to **** ********. It's birling down, a-down the white water; A log driver's ***** pleases girls completely. When the drive's nearly over, I like to go down To *** all the lads while they work on the river. I know that come evening they'll be in the town And we all want to ***** with a log driver. To please both my parents I've had to give way And ***** with the doctors and merchants and lawyers. Their manners are fine but their **** are of clay For there's none with the ***** of a log driver. I've had my chances with all sorts of men But none is so fine as my lad on the river. So when the drive's over, if he asks me again, I think I will ***** my log driver. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Stilly River Sage Date: 05 Feb 04 - 12:39 PM Back in my college days when I worked for the Forest Service I was on a crew with some resourceful fellows. They changed many songs to suit their young and lustful natures. One in particular I remember, a popular song of the 1970s, I'll post a few original words I found at a performer's web site:
Words and Music by B.Bryant/House of Bryant (BMI); Stuart, Metcalf Noble/Rogers Music Ltd. CBS Unart Catalog (BMI) When I want you in my arms When I want you and all your charms Whenever I want you All I have to do Is Dream... Dream Dream Dream When I feel blue In the night When I need you To hold me tight Whenever I want you All I have to do Is Dream... Dream Dream Dream etc. What was the Forest Service variant? The only part I remember is Cream Cream Cream. . . SRS |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Joe_F Date: 05 Feb 04 - 07:02 PM Sometimes the bawdlerization pretty well takes over. I was astonished, a year or so ago, to discover that there was an original clean version of "Sweet Violets". |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: SINSULL Date: 05 Feb 04 - 07:23 PM Wish I could remember the name of the lady at the Getaway who sang "Rubber Ducky" with it's own lyrics but made it into a blushingly suggestive torch song. Hilarious! |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 05 Feb 04 - 08:34 PM Debowlderization. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: GUEST,Clint Keller Date: 06 Feb 04 - 03:06 AM When I was but a child. many years ago, some of the more daring fellers would sing "The Sheik of Araby" and add "with no pants on" at the end of every line. And snicker. I don't know why they picked "The Sheik of Araby;" it was an old song even then, and the trick works with most anything. But it was clever then, and easy to remember. clint |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 06 Feb 04 - 04:36 AM Clint that's like the "Between the sheets" addition to many songs. Start off with "Rock of Ages"... Robin |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: pavane Date: 06 Feb 04 - 07:24 AM Llewtrah's web site contains a large number of bawdy parodies as well as rugby songs. They are mostly a bit too crude for my taste though. Don't have the URL to hand, and the automatic censor probably wouldn't let me find it here! But there are links to it in other threads. I once heard someone sing 'The BOY from Ipanema'. Only changed a few words, but the whole song became totally different... |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: LadyJean Date: 07 Feb 04 - 12:18 AM My mother was a charming lady with silver gray hair, who spoke like a propah Bahstonian. My friend Nils held her in great reverence. I wish you could have seen the look on his face when he began singing, "Oh this is the day they give babies away with a half a pound of tea" and mother chimed in with "If you know any ladies who want any babies just send them along to me!" He still talks about it! |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: JJ Date: 07 Feb 04 - 08:04 AM The actress Susan Jacks used to audition with "Rubber Ducky," changing no lyrics but making one wonder where that rubber ducky had been. Another show music standby is also from MY FAIR LADY. In "Show Me," simply substitute "blow." |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: van lingle Date: 07 Feb 04 - 08:51 AM A Scottish friend sings this to These Foolish Things: The shattered remnant of a used French letter, A dose of syphilis that won't get better, Oh when I piss how it stings, These foolish things remind me of you. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Bill D Date: 07 Feb 04 - 10:17 AM SINSULL...the lady at the Getaway was our own Janice Cole....who can do "Rubber Ducky" one minute and a haunting Scots Ballad the next...(but, did you by chance get to hear her do "Kitchen Man"??..images of sausages and jelly rolls to make you more than hungry!) I remember from high school: To "Stormy Weather" "Wonder why, there's no ass at North High- Damned inflation...hafta go back to masturbation-- I'm horny all the tiimmeee..." |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: LadyJean Date: 07 Feb 04 - 11:46 PM In the early 60s, Cap'n Jim, hosted Popeye cartoons on board a cardboard boat called the Nancy B. He encouraged kids to send in parodies of the Popeye song. One afternoon, he read one very peculiarly. "I'm Popeye the sailor man" "I live in the garbage can" "Live in the....." a very strange noise but no word. And I smell like......" the same noise. "I'm Popeye the sailor man". I was very young and didn't know there were such things as words you don't say on television. So, I just thought he was laughing at a funny parody. Now I know, and I wish I knew what the song was. It was probably vulgar without being funny. But it would add to the story. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: nosluap57 Date: 08 Feb 04 - 01:00 AM The Monica Lewinski (was The Mary Ellen Carter) She went down on Bill Clinton In the east wing oval office All evening hed'd been hoping He would have a little fun And the groan he gave as she went down caused him to proclaim She made old Slick Willie rise again! |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: GUEST Date: 08 Feb 04 - 01:07 AM My Yorkshire father taught me, when I was five, to sing: "Captain Cook took his hook and sailed across the river, He bumped him bum on a bottle of rum which made his belly shiver" My mother was scandalised - and it was he reaction which told me the song was 'naughty' not the words, though they seem very tame now of course. Later, when I was 12, I was in a pantomime and one of the songs which I naively sang at home, once more without suspecting the words were suspect... "It was in Baghdad when me mother met me Dad singing 'Nelly put yer belly next to mine' " And my Dad nearly knocked me across the room! |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: ced2 Date: 08 Feb 04 - 05:28 AM In the garden the other year upon a neighbour commenting that I was whistling a nice tune... my response was "Ah but you don't know the words I'm whistling!!!" |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Teresa Date: 08 Feb 04 - 05:39 AM Oh, if I could only hum the tune for this one for everybody. I don't remember the name of it, but it sounds like it could be a reel or even another song. I remember Robin Williamson singing it in concert, interspersing with playing it on the penny whistle: My wife's got a furry thing, A furry thing, a furry thing. My wife's got a furry thing; She showed it to me Sunday. It came from the furrier's, The furrier's, the furrier's. It came from the furrier's; It's going back on Monday! Teresa |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Micca Date: 08 Feb 04 - 05:46 AM Van Lingle, all I can remember of the Parody of "these Foolish Things remind me of you is slightly different " A ruptured foreskin in a tight French letter a case of Syphilis that wont get better oh how the needle stings these Foolish things remind me of you A furtive grope inside a London Taxi the Faint aroma of a Horses jacksie oh how the odour clings these foolish things remind me of you |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: van lingle Date: 08 Feb 04 - 07:11 AM Thanks for the second verse Micca. "Horses jacksie",eh? Ladyjean, as kids we use to sing that version of the Popeye song but used "I eat from a garbage can" for the 2nd line and inserted the words "manure" and "sewer" where the strange noises occur.vl |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: JennyO Date: 08 Feb 04 - 08:59 AM loo and poo would fit right in, too. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Joybell Date: 08 Feb 04 - 05:33 PM I've mentioned it before but never, never respond to a request for "Running Bear" in an Australian pub. Once they start adding "without his/her pants on after EVERY line you'll never be able to sing another song for the rest of the gig. They won't let you leave it alone! Also "Five foot, six foot, seven foot BUNCH!" out of "Banana Boat Song" is always heard as very rude. It's the rhythm and the image it creates I reckon. Joy |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 08 Feb 04 - 06:19 PM In the 1960's ther was not a school dance that was allowed to finish without "Running Bear"... |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Rapparee Date: 08 Feb 04 - 06:31 PM Teresa, I learned that as "Some say the devil is dead". The Dubliners did it on one of their albums. Some say the devil is dead The devil is dead The devil is dead Some say the devil is dead And buried in Killarney. More say he rose again More say he rose again More say he rose again And joined the British Army. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Joe_F Date: 08 Feb 04 - 07:58 PM O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, Oh piss on thee, O Christmas tree. * Oh, how we danced on the night we were wed! We danced and we danced till we fell out of bed. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: GUEST,Clint Keller Date: 08 Feb 04 - 08:04 PM Is "Bell Bottom Trousers" a naughty song made nice? clint |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: The Walrus Date: 08 Feb 04 - 08:35 PM More versions of 'These Foolish Things' (based on a memory like a Swiss cheese) A lipstick stain upon an old french letter, That little sore that simply won't get better, How Pennicillin stings, These foolish thing remind me of you The flat we shared above a Gents' urinal, The thrills you gave were simply xxxxxxx (possibly misremnered as endochrinal) But how the smell of it clings These foolish thing remind me of you That night a 'Dockers' where we both got platered And some time later when you stopped the bastard, It's in a bottle at King's These foolish thing remind me of you There is also a verse which starts "The worn out sofa that we had our shags on" but I can't remember any more of it Walrus |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Teresa Date: 08 Feb 04 - 09:49 PM Bingo, Rapaire! Hahahahaha! I knew that song sounded familiar ... Teresa |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: JennieG Date: 09 Feb 04 - 12:20 AM As a child in school (a thousand years ago) we used to sing: Lady of Spain I adore you pull down your pants, I'll explore you.... and (I'm looking over a four leaf clover): I'm getting over a big hangover that I got the night before, First came the whisky and then came the gin Then came the redhead who wouldn't give in There's no explaining the blonde remaining 'Cause she's on the bedroom floor - I'm getting over a big hangover that I got the night before! and: 'Twas on the isle of Capri that I found her She was naked and tied to a tree I could not resist the temptation And now she's a mother of three! Ah - the follies of childhood! Snigger snigger..... Cheers JennieG |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: TheBigPinkLad Date: 09 Feb 04 - 06:08 PM We used to do two songs in the sixties that were a giggle; Obladi Oblada you just left out words: Desmond has a **** in the market place Mollie is the **** in the band Desmond says to Mollie, "Girl I like your ***" And Mollie says this as she takes him by the *** and the second was Perry Como's Magic Moments: I'll never forget The dirty old get That slashed on me flowers The night of the dance You khakied your pants The smell was atrocious A touch of your crutch Well thanks very much It's simply delicious ... etc. Infantile really ... ;o) |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Joybell Date: 09 Feb 04 - 06:35 PM Oh! the memories! I had a lot of trouble finding out the words to the naughty songs when I was at school because all anyone would ever sing was the first line of some song and then they would all fall about laughing. "Down behind the GPO" HAAAAAAA! Giggle. I have this idea that most kids didn't know the rest either but were not willing to admit it. Joy |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Rapparee Date: 09 Feb 04 - 06:59 PM Teresa, here's another verse I remember: My man is six foot tall, is six foot tall, is six foot tall My man is six foot tall And likes his drop of brandy. Goes to bed at six o'clock Goes to bed at six o'clock Goes to bed at six o'clock He's lazy, fat, and randy. (Chorus) |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Rapparee Date: 09 Feb 04 - 07:02 PM We also sang We're coming, we're coming all over our beds From the tips of our toes to the hair on our heads.... and, of course, we messed around with "We shall overcome" and "Blowin' in the wind." |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Midchuck Date: 09 Feb 04 - 07:56 PM Not really a song but: Under the spreading chestnut tree The village idiot sat Amusing himself by abusing himself And catching it in his hat... I just got a tape of Norman Blake singing "The Burial of Wild Bill" and realized the above would fit the melody. Peter. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Lighter Date: 09 Feb 04 - 11:07 PM That village idiot verse is known to appear now and again in "The Ball of Kirriemuir." |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: MudGuard Date: 10 Feb 04 - 03:06 AM One beautiful song (Hello Noreen!) which has been made naughty is Hard times come again no more Go here to read the viagra version of it |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Dave Bryant Date: 10 Feb 04 - 11:49 AM Micca/Walrus As you were dressing on the morning after I watched your titties and I roared with laughter - Oh how the left one swings - the foolish things . . . . I have heard naughty persons spoil "Pleasant and Delightful" with various modifications and additions:- It was pleasant and delightful one midsummer's morn When the fields and the meadows were all covered in corn And the blackbirds and thrushes sang on every green spray And the sharks they played melodeons at the bottom of the bay. A sailor and his true love were a'walking one day Said the sailor to his truelove I am bound far away I am bound for the East Indies where the load cannons roar (Tiger imitations) I must go and leave my Nancy, she's a di-ir-ty old whore Then the ring from off her finger she instantly drew (- POP) Saying, Take this my dearest William and the finger came too And whilst he stood embracing her tears from her eyes fell Saying, May I go along with you, o no, my love, like hell ! So it's fare thee well my Nancy, I can no longer stay For the topsail is hoisted and the anchor is weighed (- Twenty Tons) And the ship lies awaiting for the next flowing tide (- Puking noises) And if ever I return again, keep your legs open wide ! |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Dave Bryant Date: 10 Feb 04 - 12:16 PM Micca/Walrus As you were dressing on the morning after I watched your titties and I roared with laughter - Oh how the left one swings - the foolish things . . . . I have heard naughty persons spoil "Pleasant and Delightful" with various modifications and additions:- It was pleasant and delightful one midsummer's morn When the fields and the meadows were all covered in corn And the blackbirds and thrushes sang on every green spray And the sharks they played melodeons at the bottom of the bay. A sailor and his true love were a'walking one day Said the sailor to his truelove I am bound far away I am bound for the East Indies where the load cannons roar (Tiger imitations) I must go and leave my Nancy, she's a di-ir-ty old whore Then the ring from off her finger she instantly drew (- POP) Saying, Take this my dearest William and the finger came too And whilst he stood embracing her tears from her eyes fell Saying, May I go along with you, o no, my love, like hell ! So it's fare thee well my Nancy, I can no longer stay For the topsail is hoisted and the anchor is weighed (- Twenty Tons) And the ship lies awaiting for the next flowing tide (- Puking noises) And if ever I return again, keep your legs open wide ! |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Lighter Date: 10 Feb 04 - 07:28 PM Not naughty by today's standards: As he walks along the Bois de Boulogne with an independent air, The people stand and stare, For he's in his underwear. His credit's all gone and his suit's in the pawn, He once had a nickel but now he's got none - He's the man who lost his shirt at Monte Carlo! |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: LadyJean Date: 11 Feb 04 - 12:28 AM We've forgotten the greatest of them all. All I need to say is "Oh Dear What can the matter be, three old ladies got locked in a lavatory!" (Well, some people sing seven, but I think that's overdoing it.) Many years ago, I heard a version of Mary had a little lamb with the chorus, "Hurrah for Mary, hurrah for the lamb! hurrah for the Finnegan boys who did not give a damn and every where that Mary went the lamb was sure to go! Shouting the battle cry of freedom" The last verse went, "And as the teacher took it out, lead it out, pushed it out, and as the teacher forced it out, it ppplllllffft upon the school. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Lighter Date: 11 Feb 04 - 06:36 AM LadyJean's version of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" - the chorus anyway - was sung in the American Civil War (with the "the soldiers" rather than "the Finnegan boys"). See Edward Arthur Dolph, "Sound Off!" (1929). |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Dave Bryant Date: 11 Feb 04 - 08:13 AM Lighter - The Kippers wrote a parody of that - "The Bloke Who Come Home Broke From Cromer Bingo" |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: EBarnacle Date: 11 Feb 04 - 08:58 AM As long as Pleasant and Delightful has been mentioned, I regularly break up my neighbors with: And the sharks they sank malodorous, to the bottom of the bay. And I'm leaving my Nancy, she's a tuppeny whore. And if ever I return again, it'll freeze in hell. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Joe_F Date: 11 Feb 04 - 06:48 PM "Mary Had a Little Lamb" has been extensively abused by little boys: Mary had a little lamb. She tied it to the heater, And every time it turned around, It burned its little peter. Mary had a little lamb. She tied it to the sink, And every time it turned around, It froze its little dink. Mary had a little lamb. The doctors was surprised. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Lighter Date: 11 Feb 04 - 06:57 PM Dave Bryant - thanks for the link! Song is hilarious! |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 11 Feb 04 - 08:02 PM Drinking On The Premises Robin |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: LadyJean Date: 12 Feb 04 - 01:09 AM At the Ellis School for Girls we recited: Mary had a little lamb, the doctor was surprised. But when Old MacDonald had a farm! EEE I EEE I O! |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: GUEST,Geezer Date: 24 Apr 17 - 01:48 AM Sung to "Isle of Capri" 'Twas on a pile of debris where I found her She was drunk just as drunk as can be I can still smell the crud all around her When we kissed on that pile of debris |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Jim Carroll Date: 24 Apr 17 - 02:39 AM In my schooldays, Liverpool kids had a tradition of 'one liners' - taking the innocent lines of songs and 'dirtifying' them The rather beautiful, 'September Song' was represented as: "The bits of brown came tumbling down in September" (a one-phrase alteration works wonders!) Then the're's 'Rule Britannia', which emerged at the time of the Chinese Revolution "Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam, Five Chinese crackers up your arsehole Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang". That worked a bit harder at Funiculee, Funicular Last night I stayed up late to masturbate, It did me good, I knew it would, Last night I stayed up late to masturbate, It was so nice, I did it twice. First I tried the long stoke It was so grand with my right hand Then I tried the short stroke Was just as grand with my left hand Swing it fling it, bang it on the floor, Suck it, bite it, jamb it in the door There are some people who may think that fornication is so grand But for absolute perfection I prefer to use my hand. My mother, who had a somewhat bawdy sense of humour', used to sing the parlour ballad, 'I Dreamed that I Dwelt in Marble Halls' with the line "I dreampt I was tickling my old feller's feet, With a glass of sweet oil and a feather, The more that I tickled, the louder he laughed 'Till the cheeks of his arse flapped together" Quite a lot more, if I can remember them Jim Carroll |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: eftifino Date: 24 Apr 17 - 03:25 AM Not naughty, but: Sung to 'As Usual, by Brenda Lee Well I awoke with aching head As Usual I don't remember going to bed As Usual And somewhere inside my left ear I get a feeling, very queer It must have been that crappy beer As Usual. We sucked it up just like a Hoover As Usual The cheap wine and the Paint Remover As Usual And somewhere deep inside my brain I think I hear, A Diesel Train I must have gotten pissed again As Usual. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: GUEST Date: 24 Apr 17 - 03:35 AM "Valencia.... Stick your head between your legs and whistle up your Barcelona... CHeers Bugsy |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Thompson Date: 24 Apr 17 - 03:51 AM Snorted with laughter at ClaireBear's method, and have been trying it with patriotic ballads: When boyhood's fire was in my blood, I dreamt of xxxx For Greece and Rome who bravely xxxx, three hundred men and three men… Debout, les xxxx de la terre Debout, les forçats de la xxxx La raison tonne en son cratère C'est l'éruption de la xxxx When the King enjoys his xxxx again Yes, this I can tell That all will be well When the King enjoys his xxxx again O beautiful for pilgrim xxxx Whose stern, impassioned stress A thoroughfare for xxxx beat Across the wilderness! |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: GUEST,jim bainbridge Date: 24 Apr 17 - 10:37 AM You don't need to change the words at all- listen to Frankie Howerd singing 'My Way'- or if you are familiar with his style, just imagining it should do the trick! |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: robomatic Date: 24 Apr 17 - 12:41 PM And here we must pause and remember Kenneth Williams and his creation of Rambling Syd Rumpo : "Well, tonight I will have great pleasure, but first........ ......I'll sing you a few songs" |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: GUEST,Mark Bluemel Date: 25 Apr 17 - 08:43 AM Peter Sellers does the Beatles' "Hard Day's Night"... When I'm home feeling you holding me tight |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: GUEST Date: 02 Sep 22 - 10:35 AM Oh dear what can the matter be, three old ladies got locked in the lavatory, they were there from Monday to Saturday nobody knew they were there. |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: GUEST,patriot Date: 07 Sep 22 - 07:10 AM The first one's name was Elizaeth Spender She bent own to fix up her broken suspender It flew up & hit her right where it was tender Nobody knew she was there.... two other old ladies involved- can't help with them |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Richard Mellish Date: 07 Sep 22 - 03:56 PM From very early in this thread > The Digitrad has the very good dirty version of Teddy Bears' Picnic, which is highly recommended. The only version I can find there now seems very innocent, not the hilarious one that mentions Winnie the Pooh, Rupert, Paddington, etc. Anyone have that? |
Subject: RE: Nice Songs Made Naughty From: Mrrzy Date: 13 Sep 22 - 10:12 PM I didn't know it was a parody... I learned U obly have a 3-inch tool years before hearing I only want to be with you... Little me, my nuts are as small as pearls, You like to laugh at me because I'm hung just like a squirrel. Sometimes it bugs me, I'm not a bigger guy, When I was a baby it was exactly the same size. But there's nothing I can do, Cause I only got a 3 inch tool. Come home with me, have a cocktail at my place, I gotta tell you before we get past 2nd base. In my pants, ain't no big schwing, But if you can find him he's a friendly little thing. But there's nothing I can do, I only got a 3 inch tool. When I'm comming outta the pool, I only got a 1 inch tool. Sometimes I wonder if It'll ever extend, I get embarassed when I'm hanging with my friends. They like to razz me, I don't know why. They get me a Happy Meal and super-size my fry. And there's nothing I can do, I only got a 3 inch tool. And when I'm comming outta the pool, I only got a 1 inch tool. Yea, it's small but it's real cool, I'm happy with a 3 inch tool! I only got a 3 inch tool |
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