Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory

Subject: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Eden
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 07:54 AM

There's a song I know of called Unified Field Theory. It goes to the tune of Unicorns. I know most of it, but if anyone knows the first verse and chorus, I'd appreciate them posting.

Subject: Lyr Add: UNIFIED FIELD THEORY
From: Eugene Judge
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 02:09 PM

Found these at this site

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/old89/relativity.858.html

^^
UNIFIED FIELD THEORY

In the Beginning there was Aristotle,
and objects at rest tended to remain at rest,
and objects in motion tended to come to rest,
and soon everything was at rest,
and God saw that it was boring.

Then God created Newton;
objects at rest tended to remain at rest,
but objects in motion tended to remain in motion,
and energy was conserved
and momentum was conserved
and matter was conserved,
and God saw that it was conservative.

Then God created Einstein,
and everything was relative,
and fast things became short,
and straight things became curved,
and the universe was filled with inertial frames,
and God saw that it was relatively general
but some of it was especially relative.

Then God created Bohr,
and there was the Principle,
and the Principle was Quantum,
and all things were quantified,
but some things were still relative,
and God saw that it was confusing.

Then God was going to create Furgeson,
and Furgeson would have unified,
and he would have fielded a theory,
and All would have been One,
but it was the Seventh Day
and God rested,
and objects at rest tend to remain at rest.

[Reportedly appeared in Analog Magazine in 1975. Unknown if that is the original source.]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Eugene Judge
Date: 25 Feb 04 - 02:46 PM

More info.

Several sources credit the author as Tim Joseph with the date as 1975. One describes it as a poem.

It is published in Issue 2: May 2003 of The Griffith University Maths and Physics Association Magazine with the following preamble:

"The article written here came from "Science" Volume I, Number II. Science was a monthly journal produced by the Griffith University Science Association in the School of Science in the early 80's."

Correction the the lyrics:

The second line of the second verse should read:

"and objects at rest tended to remain at rest,"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Eden
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 08:16 AM

No, no, No, NO!! That's not the one I was talking about! Besides, I'm sure that one doesn't go to the tune of Unicorns. The one I'm talking about goes something like this:

(first verse, unknown)
...And the loveliest of theories would be unified.

(basic chorus)
We studied quantum mechanics, studied QED,
Our special and our general relativity.
(next line unknown)
...But the loveliest of theories would be unified.

Now Einstein was a genius, of that there's no doubt.
There never was much physics that he couldn't figure out.
But there was still one problem that always taxed his brain.
And as the years went by he was heard to complain:

"I've got my quantum mechanics, got my QED,
My special and my general relativity.
I've a cat, but that's irrelevent. I've tried and I've tried,
But my field theories just aren't unified."

Well, Einstein passed on. He came before the Lord.
The Lord said, "Albert you deserve a reward.
Make any one request, and I'll be happy to yield."
He said, "Lord, I'd like the theory of the unified field:

I've studied quantum mechanics, studied QED,
My special and my general relativity.
But I worked upon this problem 'till the day that I died,
And my field theories just weren't unified."

The lord said, "Albert, you're a really great man,
But not even you can fathom my vast eternal plan."
He plucked a sheaf of papers right out of thin air,
Handed them to Einstein and said, "It's all there:

You've got your quantum mechanics, got your QED,
Your special and your general relativity.
Mass and time and energy and gravity tied
Together in a theory that is unified."

Einstein took the papers with a trembling hand.
He looked at them in ecstasy, the theories were so grand.
Then he peered at one equation...flipped back to page 10...
Sadly shook his head and said, "Wrong again.

I've got my quantum mechanics, got my QED,
My special and my general relativity.
But as for field theories, in peace I'll abide,
'Cause the Lord Himself can't make one unified."

So study quantum mechanics, study QED,
Your special and your general relativity.
But you might as well go hunting just as sure as you're born,
For a unified field theory...or a unicorn.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Fergie
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 09:37 AM

Love it

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 26 Feb 04 - 10:00 AM

Oh - I always thought that the unified field theory was about the fact that if you upset one sheep in a flock, all the others get stroppy towards you as well.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Eden
Date: 27 Feb 04 - 07:55 AM

Yes, well, I still need the majority of the first verse, as well as the third line in the first chorus. Anyone here know it?

Subject: Lyr Add: TAKE AWAY YOUR BILLION DOLLARS (Roberts)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 28 Feb 04 - 12:45 PM

I went looking for songs about physics and physicists on the Internet, and I didn't find the song requested, but I found some other fascinating stuff. There's an amazing amount of stuff out there.

Songs from the Kavli Institute for Theoretical Physics at UC Santa Barbara.

A page of science song links collected by Greg Crowther.

^^ Take Away Your Billion Dollars and other songs about physicists, by Arthur Roberts and the Chorus of the Iowa State University Department of Physics, c1946.

I especially like this one because it touches on some ethical issues:

TAKE AWAY YOUR BILLION DOLLARS
Arthur Roberts, 1946

Up on the lawns of Washington the physicists assemble.
From all the land are men at hand, their wisdom to exchange.
A great man stands to speak, and with applause the rafters tremble.
"My friends," says he, "you all can see that physics now must change.
Now in my lab we had our plans, but these we'll now expand.
Research right now is useless, we have come to understand.
We now propose constructing at an ancient Army base,
The best electro-nuclear machine in any place.

"Oh, it will cost a billion dollars. Ten billion volts 'twill give.
It will take five thousand scholars seven years to make it live.
All the generals approve it. All the money's now at hand.
And to help advance our program, teaching students now we've banned.
We have chartered transportation. We provide a weekly dance.
Our motto's integration. There is nothing left to chance.
This machine is just a model for a bigger one, of course.
That's the future road for physics, as I'm sure you'll all endorse."

And as the halls with cheers resound and praises fill the air,
One single man remains aloof and silent in his chair.
And when the room is quiet and the crowd has ceased to cheer,
He rises up and thunders forth an answer loud and clear:
"It seems that I'm a failure, just a piddling dilettante.
Within six months a mere 10,000 bucks is all I've spent.
With love and string and sealing wax was physics kept alive.
Let not the wealth of Midas hide the gold for which we strive.

"Oh, take away your billion dollars. Take away your tainted gold.
You can keep your damn ten billion volts. My soul will not be sold.
Take away your army generals. Their kiss is death, I'm sure.
Everything I build is mine. Every volt I make is pure.
Take away your integration and let us learn and let us teach.
For beware this epidemic, for colitis I beseech.
Oh, dammit! Engineering isn't physics – isn't that plain?
Take, oh take your billion dollars. Let's be physicists again."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Eden
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 07:42 AM

Well, that song notwithstanding, does anyone know the first verse and chorus?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Clean Supper
Date: 02 Mar 04 - 08:46 AM

Well, no, but I can add the first verse of the original (unicorn) song and maybe our collective brain can remember/invent a plausible first verse based on it

A long time ago when the Earth was green,
There were more kinds of animals than you've evr seen,
There were cats and rats and elephants as sure as you're born,
But the loveliest of all was the unicorn.

Now, I'm sure the third line must mention quantum mechanics or QED or something. The first and second lines might get away with really minimal change, if you like.
Come on folk(ie)s let's put this song back together so it works again.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Eden
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 07:42 AM

Wait...I think I just remembered the second line:

"There were more kinds of theories than you'd ever seen"

Now if I could just remember the first...

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 06:19 PM

And I thought the unified field theory was the way the EU wants a few huge farms instead of lots of little farms with hedges. Thought it was all to do with REPs.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Eden
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 07:53 AM

Um, okay, the as yet nonexistant theory is supposed to tie in different properties of physics into one big theory. But take a look at this line in the song:

"'Cause the Lord himself can't make one unified."

That says something: we haven't got it yet, and most likely never will.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Fergie
Date: 09 Oct 04 - 09:43 AM

In view of the latest Nobel award for physics and the opinion of the committee that a deeper understanding of the Quarks brings one step nearer to a general theory of Life, the Universe and Everything. I was wondering, can the physicists at Mudcat crack the missing pieces of the song in this thread?
Fergie

Subject: Lyr Add: MURPHY'S LAW
From: GUEST,Paranoid Android
Date: 09 Oct 04 - 10:41 AM

Sorry, my head can't cope with this so I'v just written my own Unified Field theory which explains the origin of the the universe AND the "Missing Matter" in laymans's terms. I call it "Murphy's Law"

I know nothing of your theories or your masses or your quantum
I'm a realist, I face the facts, your theories?, I don't want them
I've a simple explanation to describe the universe
In fact it's all so basic, I'll put it into verse.

You remember taking water and apply electric force
And oxygen and hydrogen resulted in due course
And when you mixed the hydrogen and oxygen with heat
It turned back into water, an experimental treat.

So take a minute quantity of anti-matter stuff
And a quantity of matter (a molecule's enough)
You bring the two together, you all know the results
Complete and total nothingness and a radiating pulse.

So let's do this conversely, take nothingness at first
Apply some powerful energy and create a universe
In fact its so productive you create not one but two
An antimatter universe and a matter one, that's true.

Now when all of this material came out at the Big Bang
A terrible row erupted between each rival gang
Annihilation was the lot of ninety five percent
The rest repulsed each other and in two directions went

So the antimatter universe went on it's merry way
And the other is the universe that we live in today
And the background radiation that still causes consternation
Is all that's left of the nothingness from the first annihilation.

line breaks fixed (PA, please note if I got anything in the wrong place)
joe clone

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Oct 04 - 02:39 PM

Well done, PA!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Fergie
Date: 09 Oct 04 - 07:59 PM

Well done Paranoid Android but we are no nearer to solving the answer to 'Life the Universe and Everything' I just want the lyrics to rest of this song:-

(first verse, unknown)
...And the loveliest of theories would be unified.

(basic chorus)
We studied quantum mechanics, studied QED,
Our special and our general relativity.
(next line unknown)
...But the loveliest of theories would be unified.

Now Einstein was a genius, of that there's no doubt.
There never was much physics that he couldn't figure out.
But there was still one problem that always taxed his brain.
And as the years went by he was heard to complain:

"I've got my quantum mechanics, got my QED,
My special and my general relativity.
I've a cat, but that's irrelevent. I've tried and I've tried,
But my field theories just aren't unified."

Well, Einstein passed on. He came before the Lord.
The Lord said, "Albert you deserve a reward.
Make any one request, and I'll be happy to yield."
He said, "Lord, I'd like the theory of the unified field:

I've studied quantum mechanics, studied QED,
My special and my general relativity.
But I worked upon this problem 'till the day that I died,
And my field theories just weren't unified."

The lord said, "Albert, you're a really great man,
But not even you can fathom my vast eternal plan."
He plucked a sheaf of papers right out of thin air,
Handed them to Einstein and said, "It's all there:

You've got your quantum mechanics, got your QED,
Your special and your general relativity.
Mass and time and energy and gravity tied
Together in a theory that is unified."

Einstein took the papers with a trembling hand.
He looked at them in ecstasy, the theories were so grand.
Then he peered at one equation...flipped back to page 10...
Sadly shook his head and said, "Wrong again.

I've got my quantum mechanics, got my QED,
My special and my general relativity.
But as for field theories, in peace I'll abide,
'Cause the Lord Himself can't make one unified."

So study quantum mechanics, study QED,
Your special and your general relativity.
But you might as well go hunting just as sure as you're born,
For a unified field theory...or a unicorn.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: GUEST,ER
Date: 14 Sep 05 - 06:13 AM

Any progress?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: GUEST,Paranoid Android
Date: 24 Aug 07 - 05:51 AM

Nothing smaller than a Quark?
All you guys are in the dark.
Each quark contains a universe
In which it's particles disperse
So it should come as no surprise
Size doesn't matter, matter doesn't size.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Micca
Date: 24 Aug 07 - 08:09 AM

Mankind was all in chaos
lost in Stygian night
God cried let Newton be
and all was light
Yhe Devil observing this
and shouting ho
saying let Einstein be
restored the staus quo

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Gorgeous Gary
Date: 26 Aug 07 - 05:25 PM

Somehow I passed over this the first time, but this time I googled...and discovered I had a filk convention songbook ("ConChords and Choruses", from the 1997 LA-area ConChord) that published the lyrics. So here they are in all their glory!

-- Gary
^^
Unified Field Theory
by: Jordin Kare
tune: "The Unicorn Song", Shel Silverstein

A long time ago back when physicists were green,
There were more kinds of theories than you've ever seen.
But there wasn't any one of them that always applied,
So the loveliest of theories would be unified.
   We had quantum mechanics; we had QED.
   Some special and some general relativity.
   Statistical mechanics we could point to with pride,
   But the loveliest of theories would be unified.

Now Einstein was a genius--of that there's no doubt.
There never was much physics that he couldn't figure out.
But there was just one problem that always taxed his brain.
And as the years went by, he was heard to complain:
   "I got my quantum mechanics, got my QED,
   My special and my general relativity.
   I've got a cat--but that's irrelevent. I've tried and I've tried,
   But my field theories just aren't unified."

Now, old Einstein passed on, and he came before the Lord,
And the Lord said, "Albert you deserve a reward.
Make any one request, and I'll be glad to yield."
He said, "Lord, I'd like the theory of the unified field.
   "I got my quantum mechanics, got my QED,
   My special and my general relativity.
   But I worked upon that problem 'till the day that I died,
   But my field theories just weren't unified."

Well, the lord said, "Albert, you're a very great man,
But not even you can fathom my vast eternal plan."
He pulled a sheaf of papers out of plain thin air,
And he handed them to Albert, and He said, "It's all there!"
   "You got your quantum mechanics, got your QED.
   Your special and your general relativity.
   Mass and time and energy and gravity tied
   Together in a theory that is unified."

Well, Einstein took those papers with a trembling hand.
He studied them in ecstasy, the theories were so grand.
Then he peered at one equation, looked back to page ten,
Sadly shook his head and sighed, "Wrong again!
   "I got my quantum mechanics, got my QED.
   My special and my general relativity.
   But as for field theories, in peace I'll abide,
   For the Lord Himself can't make one unified."

   So study quantum mechanics, study QED.
   Some special and some general relativity.
   But you might as well go hunting--just as sure as you're born--
   For a unified field theory--or a unicorn!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Fergie
Date: 27 Aug 07 - 05:05 PM

Well done Gorgeous Gary, thanks

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Unified Field Theory
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Mar 23 - 07:25 PM

Looking for a thread with a discussion of songs that name philosophers to start up a discussion for a search. Since the Mudcat search is down, this thread comes up via Google Advanced Search pointed back at Mudcat. Maybe one day related threads will be linked at the top of the page.

The question had to do with Aristotle or ancient philosophers.

ANCIENT GREEKS by Mark Graham

Lyric request that pointed to Early Riser

Starting point, at any rate.