BS: Hull hits the headlines

Subject: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: nutty
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 11:47 AM

According to yesterday's newspapers and Government statistics ........ Hull has a larger number of obese people than anywhere else in the British Isles.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Bobjack
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 12:07 PM

Yep, we also have the worst schools, and at one point in the last few years we had the highest burglary rate in EUROPE. oh, and an inept bankrupt council.
                still, musn't grumble.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rasener
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 02:30 PM

What about the drugs then Bobjack?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 03:10 PM

Probably couldn't afford them?
Quack!
GtD.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Blowzabella
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 03:20 PM

Judging from my experience on here though, it has a lot of the nicest (and quirkiest) people too!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 04:23 PM

Eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Folkiedave
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 04:27 PM

And I thought MCFat was Scottish..just goes to show.......

Dave

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 04:41 PM

Where will it all end though?

If the UK starts to sink at the top end,it will tilt up at the bottom and all us Southeners will end up sliding into unknown territory.

And who will win the " Gis a fag" wars then?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: brid widder
Date: 03 Mar 04 - 05:08 PM

McFat is scottish... although at the moment he honours Sheffield not Hull with his ample presence.

The population of chubbys in Hull did increase last year when Beardy came to live here... that'll be it... and the beer...Oh yes and the contentment... I can't exclude myself from this particular statistic... but you can't get too much of a good woman!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Bobjack
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 04:12 AM

I forgot another glorious statistic; We have the highest teenage pregnancy rate in England as well. Where's jOhn?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 04:37 AM

Good Diet Conclusion
Here's the final word on nutrition and health.

It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.   
2. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heartattacks than the British or Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 04:43 AM

"Eat and DRINK what you like"

Real Ale Festival at Spring Bank Tavern HULL- 1 March to 13 March.
harri Watts Band Acoustic Session Saturday 6 March 1pm start-ish.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 04 Mar 04 - 05:24 AM

Hullitas! Hullitatum hullitas! (=Hullery! Hullery of Hulleries!)
Glad to know that Skipjack K8 lives on the oposite side of the Humber. So we can go to this year's Eurogathering in peace, and not in pieces. Come in massses.

Wilfried

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:05 AM

we also got more speed bumps than anywere else in UK, and jOhn Prescott lives here.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:45 AM

I always think it pays to be positive-Since no-one in Hull, in my experience as a bank manager, can be bothered to save for a pension -at least we won't be a drain on the country's finances -as we are all fat drugged illiterate and pregnant before we are 13, we are not likey to live into retirement.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:57 AM

pensions are a big rip off, so are bamks.

i keep all my money in a box, under my bed.john

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:03 AM

I'm a bit concerned at Bobjacks post, qoute "Hull has the highest teenage pregancy rate in the UK, Wheres jOhn?"

just like to point out that Hulls pregnancy rate is nowt to do with me!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: el ted
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:08 AM

We all know you are faithfull to Brenda jOhn.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: GUEST,Burglar Bill
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 07:19 AM

I run a spare-key minding agency, if you want to send me a copy of your front door key, I can look after it in case you lose yours.

By the way - which bedroom was it ?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: s6k
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 09:02 AM

if youre female, under 15 years old and NOT pregnant or already have a baby, you are a minority group in ull

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 11:06 AM

if you keep your money in a box under the bed, do NOT get a ferret, or Burglar Bill will have no luck...

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 11:37 AM

Cheers Bill, I've only got 26p in my money box at the minute though, any way, if i get a ferret, it will be in a few weeks, i have to save up first.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: s6k
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 12:13 PM

buy a postal stamp, or a postcard of a ferret

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 04:30 PM

John has a thing about bankers-I left my job to keep him happy.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Morticia
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 07:59 PM

jOhn never seems very happy though, Linda.......great big rip off I reckon.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Mr Red
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 04:11 PM

Good Aim - might even say a Bull or Bullshit.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: GUEST,BIG ANDY
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 06:35 PM

just come back from paull. Fat peapol are god you cant miss with the cannon

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 06 May 04 - 07:16 AM

Hull wasn't what I expected when reading the beginning of this thread. Forget what I wrote on March 4.
HULL IS A FINE OLD TOWN WHITH A LOT OF FINE PEOPLE AND I LIKED BEING THERE.

Just back from the Eurogathering 2004
Wilfried

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 06 May 04 - 07:36 AM

I was very impressed with Hull. Especially the toilets.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: GUEST,Sooz (at work)
Date: 06 May 04 - 07:50 AM

Are there still some toilets under Queen Victoria's statue?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: mooman
Date: 06 May 04 - 08:53 AM

Hull is a fine town with fine pubs, fine bogs, fine people and a fine curry ship! Whoever compiled THAT list is a fool!

Peace

moo

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: el ted
Date: 06 May 04 - 09:02 AM

Here, here mooman!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 06 May 04 - 10:08 AM

Sooz - yes, and still usable, in a very fine condition. But not so funny as the award winning one at the docks. If I read Fib right, the Ladies must be of the same quality as the Gents. Where else can you read poetry while relieving yourself amidst a real jungle of flowers?

Wilfried

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Les from Hull
Date: 06 May 04 - 01:45 PM

Actually, Wilfried,some our the ladies got special permission to visit the gents.

Yes Sooz all our notable public toilet are still active. I think that the best are the King Billy ones, sadly gents only.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 06 May 04 - 04:11 PM

Now look what you've done Les, our secrets out, they will be coming by the bus load.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 06 May 04 - 05:17 PM

God dammit Les, Straw Legend is right-how are we going to keep the buggers away now, ok you contact the national press -I reckon this time its got to be the highest ratio of STD's per capita......

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 07 May 04 - 06:57 AM

Well that should keep them out of the public toilets.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Mr Happy
Date: 07 May 04 - 07:49 AM

Also John Prescott's yacht moored on quayside.

See here http://www.eccleshill.net/prezza

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: GUEST,John Prescott
Date: 07 May 04 - 08:38 AM

If any Mudcatesses wish to audition for my vessel as above, please PM me, thats PM me, not PM the PM.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Les from Hull
Date: 07 May 04 - 08:57 AM

There's so more news today. There's going to be a Hull version of Monopoly, should be out by Christmas. The manufacturers are asking for suggestions for the street, etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 07 May 04 - 09:59 AM

Will you get £200 if you've managed to land on all the "Fish Pavement" locations Les ?

If you land on the "Curry Ship", do you have to "go to hospital and miss a turn".

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 03 Jun 04 - 07:51 AM

monopoly streets should be High Street, The Land of Green Ginger, Anlubby Rerd, Bevlly Rerd, and Whitefrudgate.

Should also be putting Hull Phone Company, Umber Bridge 9biggest bridge in Hull], The Adelphi, [smart high class pub].


anyway, Hull has just lost one of its titles, Car Crime Capital of Europe is no longer Hull, it is now Leeds.

2 of the big Brother people are from Hull, [the animal rights woman that looks like a bloke, and the hare dresser].

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 03 Jun 04 - 08:50 AM

Lots of men from Newcastle come here on buses to shag our young lasses. All the babies are looking like Ant and Dec now and speaking semi-scottish and suppin' brown ale through a tit. Are we losing our identity and are we too fat to do the business ourselves? Can you imagine John and Pauline performing? We've stopped Kings in the past crossing our frontiers. Why not now?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 03 Jun 04 - 09:01 AM

Hand Pulled, that is a good poem type thing, you should send it to The Times, for their poem page.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 03 Jun 04 - 10:35 AM

It's serious stuff young jOhn. Only the other day a young lass with a pram was crying her eyes out so I went over to try to console her. 'Are the Social not paying out on ya Luv?' I asked. She said 'No that's not a problem, in fact they've given me extra, just look in that pram.' So I did. 'F--k me I said, the bastard looks like Peter Beardsley!'. Another victim of a Geordie raid on our fair city.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 03 Jun 04 - 10:38 AM

maybe we should build a big wall to keep all non locals out?

this is a local place for local people.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 03 Jun 04 - 03:40 PM

No, jOhn! not as long as you're propagating curry ships to non locals.

;) Wilfried

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Jun 04 - 03:55 AM

Move over all of you moaners, here comes Hull City FC on a charge to the Premier division.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 09 Jun 04 - 09:34 AM

Hull has more fast food take aways than anywhere else per population,
there is a local byelaw that says it is compulsory for the residents of Hull to eat Fish n Chips at least once a week.

Hull has the second highest cat population in the country, I think they came here because of all the fish.

there is about 50,000 fish shops in hull, and about a million cats.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 09 Jun 04 - 11:39 AM

going to hull is like going on holiday and like all holidays the best part is going home!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 06:50 AM

Oh come ye and drink on the town,
Through the cobbled stoned streets of our town,
Where the mild and the bitter remain our delight,
la, laa, laaa, la.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 15 Jun 04 - 09:33 AM

According to last nights news, Hull police are the worst in the UK,
we now have the worst obesity rates, worst schools and the worst police force.


The houses are cheap here though.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: el ted
Date: 15 Jun 04 - 09:42 AM

jOhn, you forgot the following. -
a)The highest teenage pregnancy rate in England.

b)The highest burglary rate in EUROPE.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Sweetfia
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 04:38 AM

And the houses are not cheap! My house is now double the price it was when we bought it two years ago.

Hey, we do have nice areas like the 'Avenues' and Newland park...ok those places are also full of drug dealers cos they're the ones who can afford the drugs, but so what! Pearson Park is nice...during the day.

Well i like Hull!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: el ted
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 04:47 AM

Oh, I forgot, we also have the most useless, inept Council in England as well. They even recently had a Government team in from LOndon to enforce "special measures"

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: s6k
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 06:23 AM

we have the worst school in england - well did do... with william gee! and it went into special measures - and = i went there!!

also, i thought hull had the highest teenage pregnancy in europe not just england...

also = hull has the MOST gangs of 13 - 18 year old 'townies' who want to fight (bang) you in the world!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 11:46 AM

apparently Hull is the poorest city in the UK according to figures released today, see gregs Refugee music thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 12:33 PM

its also a question of geography. Hull is still the biggest fishing town in England, with the best fish and chip shops. I couldn't resist them if I lived there.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 19 Aug 04 - 03:25 PM

according to figures releasaed by the Home Office today,
Hull is the most violent place in the UK, you are nearly 10 times more likely to be attacked in Hull, than London.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Les from Hull
Date: 19 Aug 04 - 06:40 PM

You keep saying things like that about Hull jOhn and I'll smash yer face in (Oh what a giveaway).

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 19 Aug 04 - 08:08 PM

Les-you looking at my pint?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: HRH ted of hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 05:18 AM

we have yet another smashed up stolen car down our street, right outside my house. I rang the police on thursday, it took me 18minutes to get through! Is the rest of England as bad the shithole we live in?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 10:05 AM

Ted, why don't you set fire to it for a laugh?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: HRH ted of hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 10:06 AM

Because it would blow up and demolish my bloody house jOhn. AND I don't have any criminal tendencies either!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Les from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 06:26 PM

jOhn - did you spill my girlfiend?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Les from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 06:50 PM

Actually that should be girlFRIEND (or possibly my Freudian slip is showing).

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 09:30 PM

Heloo, i just had a fight=this wajht happened=
I went to Hull Shanty Thing [it was really nice, but the ale was shite, landlord moaning, "i dident know nothing anbout it etc"
so anyway=after that, i fancied another bear, so went to Circuss Circus nightclub,
it was free to get in, and only 1.30 a pint, i thought "this is ok, cheap drinks and free in, [specially on a friday night!"]

i was there minding [is that how you spell minding? [i'm no expert on spelling]
minding my own bisiness, and not making any trubble, wehn one man came up to me..
anyway= cheap in, and cheap drinks, so loads of council estate type people go there]

anyway=one man says to me ="gizza cig mate!"
i said "No, i only got little bit of tobbaco left, ask somebody else"
[this is true, i only got a bit left]

and then he start shouting =ie "fucking stingy basterd, its only cig etc, give me cig or i fight with you etc etc"
then he went to head-but me,
but , i stepped back, and jabbed him in the guts, and gave him a big suprise, and then pushed him to the floor
then i said, "don't bloddy mess with me, you arseole"
he was making noises like he was hurt, [he wasn't hurt, he was just making daft noises]
it was Kararte move i did on him [I was taught Okwano Karate, by Phil Wilkinson, [he was a self defence bloke in the army, and we was in the same army band]
and the bouncers was near me at that time, and they saw waght happened., and they kicked him out for making trouble.

[this is true, and i can prove it, and you can even ask the circus circus people]


anyway=why should i give cigs to every people that ask?
they piss me off, [i could have hurt him more ie jump on his head etc, but i just used reasonable force, and you can ask them]

i been there 10 minutes, and 3 people ask me for cig, scrounging bastards, they piss me off, [i never ask any body for cigs]


then after that, = everybody was looking at me, [i'm not bothered, if they look any longer, i should of charged them money!
and looking quietly, [i dont mind if they look, but least bloody say something!

john

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 09:33 PM

Stoutly done, jOhn! Tally ho!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 09:38 PM

anyway=after that, his stupid baseball cap mate says to me "YOu stabbed Him!"
i said, "I didn't stab anyone you idiot, search me, if you like, i have no knife, i hit him"
then his daft mate starts shouting =
"going down mate, going down!"

not sure waht he was on about, i just told him to shut up.

[some idiots about nowadays!]

when he was saying "going down mate etc", he was doing a silly dance!

nutter!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 09:45 PM

his stupid mate was really pissing me off with his stupid dance, [he was waving his arms about like a big puff]
but you can't just thump someone for that, so i just shouted at him
[it got a bit confusing, so not sure EXACLY waht i shouted at him, but it was something like "shut up you arseole".

then he went to look at his mate and cuddle him, [probably both poofters].

then i went and finished my pint.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 09:52 PM

This story gets better and better. I now think you should move to Twillingsgate without delay. Your kind is needed there. When you arrive, go straight to the Vicar's Inn, find Winston Wellington-Jones, and make some insulting remark about his shoes or his face or something.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 10:00 PM

i don't know were twillins gate is,
anyway=i'm still in bad mood about waht happened tonight,
i should of hit him more, and bloddy teach him , not to scrounge cigs off people.

too many bloody cig scroungers about nowadays, every time you go city centere=few people ask for cigs.

and sorcha came to uk for tourist visit, and some scrounging bastards
said "give us cigs etc"
they piss you off.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 10:02 PM

That would never happen in Twillingsgate. Never. People are far too cultured in Twillingsgate for that sort of nonsense.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 10:37 PM

i don't know were twillinsgate is, [probubly miles awyay], anyway, i been in that place only 10 minuts, and 3 people ask me for cigs.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 10:41 PM

anyway=after that one old woman ask me to dance with her
she say "wanna dance with us luv?"
i said "no, i don't like dancing"
she said "oh, your misrable bastard then1"

[she was really old and wrinkly, and made me ill to look at her.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: GUEST,concerned.
Date: 21 Aug 04 - 04:55 PM

jOhn, I hope you have planned a nice quiet night in?