BS: about same species marriage

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 10:24 PM

thank you LH, yes, my talons ARE red and wonderful, I hope I get to shake hands with your claws some day....

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 10:19 PM

Wow, freda! Yours is a rare and wonderful talent.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST,freda speakmymind
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 09:38 PM

Strick, we are about freedom for interspecies marriage, but don't lay no stereotypicals trips on me man - my typing's bad enough with one hand, let alone 2!!

freda lieunderthetable

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Strick
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 09:34 PM

"i'm looking for a lobster that loves cats!"

I thought you'd be looking for an owl. Or is that stereotyping?

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 09:32 PM

Best part of the 'Cat is that it exists, and that there is NO laughtrack.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST,freda underhill
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 09:16 PM

..be careful, you'll only encourage me..and hence,

The Barbecue is over
(with apols to Tom Pringfield and the Seekers)

Say goodbye, my own true rooster
as we sing our lover's song.
How it breaks my heart to eat you,
now the barbecue is on.

High above, the cock is crowing
and my teats are falling rain,
for the Easter show is over
we may never meet again.

Like a drum, my heart was beating,
and your peck was sweet as wine.
But the joys of love are fleeting
for a chook and concubine.

Now the kitchen knife is calling.
This will be our last canoodle.
When the barbecue is sizzlin',
I will eat you with some noodles.

Like a drum, my heart was beating,
and your peck was sweet as wine.
But the joys of love are eating
deep fried chook and cooking wine.

Now the backyard light is calling.
This will be our last goodbye.
Though the barbecue is over,
I will eat you with some fries...

When the barbecue is over,
I'll digest you, bye and bye...


no chooks were hurt in the decomposing of this song..

f.u.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: kendall
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 08:07 PM

Freda, that was excellent!

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: kendall
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 07:59 PM

Around the bend, the lot of you! The Mudcat is much funnier than anything on TV these days.

I've been collecting love songs to animals:
"Something in the way she moos"
"This lamb is your lamb"
"There'll never be another ewe"

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST,barbie lobster
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 07:57 PM

i'm looking for a lobster that loves cats!

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST,Mendenhall
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 06:45 PM

Hey, just because we glaciers are cold doesn't mean we're frigid!

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Peace
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 05:58 PM

Great, freda. Loved it.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 04:28 PM

Look up "Martian Boogie" by Buffalo Springfield.
They thought that those martian cigarettes were good, they didn't realize they were aphrodesiacs.
Where do you think GWB came from? Michael Jackson too!

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: robomatic
Date: 24 Mar 04 - 03:54 PM

freda:
ROFL over and over -
Also refer to: "Misalliance" by Flanders and Swann: It's inter-species but no man involved:
The Fragrant Honeysuckle spirals clockwise to the sun
And many other creepers do the same
But some climb anticlockwis, the Vineweed does for one
Or Convolvulus to use her proper name....

I'm adamant that no human should get funky with no martian

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 06:03 PM

Meat and two veg joined in matrimony, hope their are no leeks.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: freda underhill
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 05:52 PM

hey, lobotomised lobster.. be careful...

hence a tail of warning...

The Tale of Barbie Ellen..

In scarlet shell, with pincers swell,
was such a lobster dwelling
Made every fisherman drool and sigh
Her name was Barbie Ellen

Sweet William on the sea shore walked
He saw her slender talons
Blushed rosy pink with Barbie shoes
White flesh like tiny melons

Young William called out Barbie love
I think my heart you're breakin'
Your gingham top, your beady eyes
Have sent my thighs a achin'

But slowly slowly she crawled off
And waggled her tail right at 'im
She slid into the frothy sea
That hard hearted pink crustacean

'Twas in the merry month of May
When green seas were a swellin'
Sweet William on his death-bed lay
For the love of Barbie Ellen.

He sent his servant to the shore,
To the rocks where she was a-dwellin',
Cried, "Master bids you come to him,
If your name be Barbie Ellen."

Then slowly, slowly she crawled back,
And slowly went she did eye him,
And when she pulled the curtains back
Said, "Young man, I think you're lyin'.

"Oh, yes, I'm sick, I'm very very sick,
I'm craving soft crustaceans,
my mouth is watering at the sight
Of the fleshy Barbie Ellen."

"Oh, Ken, where are you, Ken my love
Where are you when I need you?
Sick William wants to fondle me
He's of a different breed dear."

And Ken he came in his hiking boots
Beside young William lyin',
He said William, leave my Barbie love
For she's mine for this evenin's fryin'

And Barbie's heart did snap in two
That both men would deceive her
While both men tried to flatter her
Her heart was like a cleaver

Then lightly crawled she down the stairs,
While Ken was in the kitchen
'Tis neither of you who'll get me now,
if my name be Barbie Ellen.

She wandered to the wide green seas
with never a glance behind her
And plunged into the ocean deep
Where nary a man could find her

and sometimes by the soft moon's light
when fisherman are a sleepin'
she sits upon the lonely rocks
a wailin' and a weepin'

will nea man love me for myself
they only want to eat me
I'll ne'er surrender to their tongues
They'll never yet defeat me

From William's grave hung a fisherman's line,
And from Ken's a copper griddle,
While Barbie Ellen e'er does dwell
Where nae man dares to meddle..


freda

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 05:43 PM

We really need Penelope Rutledge to lay down the law on this whole sordid subject and close this discussion. She seems to have given up on Mudcat since the last Twillingsgate fiasco.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Strick
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 05:03 PM

"haven't you heard about the ghost and Mrs. Muir?"

Gene Tierney, yum. Wait, I guess that makes me odd man out in this thread. Oh, wait, I'm OK. She's dead.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Peace
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 04:43 PM

Suck back one spaghetti strand and it's all over town. I suppose the story leaked from the lasagna, huh? Or the ziti? Big mouths.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST,lobotomized lobster
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 02:43 PM

As for ectoplasmic erotica, haven't you heard about the ghost and Mrs. Muir?

And there was a famous actor (at least on the Simpsons). You may have heard of his predilection for sex on the half shell...


BUT...


I draw the line at off - earth pants off! No more Spocks! Leave that extraterrestrial alone.

I say that TWO strands to DNA is enough! Never unite where gravity isn't ONE.

ET if you can call, you can't come!


oh....i feel so much better

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 09:27 AM

Archie Dux - I believe that Oaklet has quite a close relationship with his Whelks. And I can think of at least one mudcat female who enjoys likes the odd Winkle.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST, Penni Pasta
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 09:02 AM

You sons-of-bitches think you're so gawdamned cute, talking about all the vegetables and meat you've hit on and made it with! Well lemme tell ya, friend, that until you're ready to do right by the rigatoni or marry the manicotta, you're jest a gawdamned lecher of the first water! Lemme tell ya, we know what you perverts do when you lick the linguini or suck the spaghetti, and we're gawdamned fed up with it! What you do is against the laws of all nations and good hygiene, so bucko, we're gonna see you in court, got it?

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: el ted
Date: 23 Mar 04 - 05:16 AM

potatoes have feelings too you know. But they look crap in stockings.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Peace
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 08:49 PM

No you weren't! Hey, Mick, what DO you do with those potatoes?

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Amergin
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 08:26 PM

Kind of makes one wonder what Mick does with those potatoes doesn't it? BG


(just funnin' ya, my friend)

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Peace
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 07:50 PM

Vegan diets will never be the same after this thread.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 04:58 PM

How do you think Jasper Carrot came by his name?

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Peace
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 03:55 PM

You people are disgusting. But for supreme ecstasy, a melon at room temperature.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST,Pansy Potato
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 09:50 AM

"French fries," good Mr. Dover, as known as "Potatoes." Hmph!

As for voting Green -- I suggest that you try living green. Try living as we do, just for one light cycle! Make yourself a nice, deep bed in the warm, loving soil so graciously provided by Our Mother, and cover yourself with it -- line it first, if you wish, with some nicely aged manure -- and cover yourself completely with it.

Be one with us, for just one light cycle! One light cycle out of many, and you will join us in the Vegetative World -- I, Pansy Potato, promise you!

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Ben Dover
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 09:37 AM

Thank you Pansy. AT last, a sensible post about this most sensitive of subjects. You have tempted me to vote Green at the next election. Aren't french fries known as freedom fries nowadays though?

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST,Pansy Potato
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 09:33 AM

Well, lettuce commence! I simply cannot _begin_ to tell you about the various affairs of the heart we of the Vegetable World have had with you Mobile Meat! And I don't mean the "I love french fries!" sort (and how very shocking, to rip up my kith and kin, flay them, cut them into shreds, boil them in oil, and them eat them)! I'm talking about lust, L-U-S-T, lust. I'm talking about sexual acts that don't bear talking about, that polite society and good taste (and we vegetables CERTAINLY have good taste!) demand that we discuss only in the privacy of our beds.

Yes, I talking about...about...I can't really bring myself to...well, every Spring, when the sap rises and the stamens become, well, filled with stamina and the pistils are ready to shoot and the oogoniums are...oh, pardon my blushing, but I'm simply used to talking like this...are ready to receive and the monocots and dicots are, well, you know, hot to trot (if they COULD trot, which of course they can't, which makes them so, so very "available" [if you take my meaning] for your meatish passions), why, you Mobile Meat go to great lengths to impose your concept of birth control on us! Yes! You detassel the corn, you graft the trees, you even deflower many of us! All for your warped, kinky, sick-o, perverted appetites!

Then there are the uses to which you have put Wilma Watermelon, Zelda Zucchini, Mary Marrow, Claudia Carrot, Masha Muskmelon and so very many others of my immediate circle of friends. And let me tell you, they didn't like it one bit! I think of poor Betty Banana, who had a certain a peel to you, who slipped just once with one of you and now has, in her shame, fallen in with a bad bunch!

Remember, it's YOUR fault that we become rotten! Torn from our homes and beds, rendered impotent and sterile, our genes changed, graft rampant, flayed, sliced into pieces, boiled in water, boiled in oil, eaten alive even as newly-sprung shoots -- Demeter! Don't you people carrot all????

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 06:27 AM

morning Frank

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: el ted
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 06:05 AM

that was post no69 as well, oo er missus!

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: el ted
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 06:04 AM

I know a rather cute donkey called estrella who lives in Sevilla, thanks to you lot I think I now have enough courage to propose to her.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 04:25 AM

Have you noticed on the reverse of credit cards there is a number to call if lost.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Ben Dover
Date: 22 Mar 04 - 03:41 AM

I don't think you lot are this matter very seriously are you? Equal rights for vegetables here we come!

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Peace
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 06:46 PM

At risk of getting half the world pissed off at me, I don't recall anyone raising the following point.

If we agree to same-species marriage. we will all have to become homosexual. Women and men are NOT the same species.

Female colours: Too numerous to list and mostly meaningless from my perspective.

Male colours: White, black, brown, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple. These basic all-encompassing colours are qualified with words like light, dark, sorta and ish.

Female romantic evening: Dress beautifully, brush hair, wear jewels, quiet candle-lit dinner, hold hands, few glasses of wine, flowers.

Male romantic evening: Show up naked and bring a case of beer.

Female clothes washing: Separate colours from whites, bleach one and not the other, adjust water temperatures depending on clothes being washed. Use fluff cycle and cool-down spin.

Male clothes washing: Put stuff in the washing machine, add soap and go to tavern or pub for a few hours. Check machine within a week. If stuff is mildewed, repeat.

Anyway, don't send me nasty messages because of this. Little Hawk dared me to do it, and I did. LLWS!

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Peace
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 06:31 PM

Uh, about that ghost thing: I'd have to get into the spirit for it to be meaningful.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST,Loooooooooooooooooooong John Sliver
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 10:22 AM

Argh! Shiver me timber leg! Here ye lubbers are, goin' on about llamers an' sheep an' pigs an' paramecium fer all I knows, and not one of ye has a good word ta say about us ghosties! Do ye take us fer unfeeling, cold, spirits jes' because we've shuffled off the mortal coil, as the poet says?

Says I, if ye can't support a relationship with us that is gone, then we can't support you, ye great lump of mortality! If ye truly cared, ye'd get rid of them dolls and things and concentrate on them as counts! Why, we even votes in places like Chicago!

Ectoplasmic marriage, that's what I says!

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: akenaton
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 05:28 AM

Due to the uncompromising stance taken by Amos and Kat in another thread pertaining to marital rights,I find it incomprehensible that they have not rushed to the aid of the unfortunate Ms Llama and her lover.
I feel bigotry would not be too strong a word to use in this context,
and I would like to see their erratic behaviour roundly condemed on Mudcat.
PS...Perhaps a new lapel ribbon ,in the form of two crossed Llama legs might heighten awareness......Ake

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST,Shiela the sheep
Date: 21 Mar 04 - 02:54 AM

When we do get our equality with you humans we dont want any more of the welly boots and (sheep)doggie style stuff, baaaa baaaa.

We have feelings too; we want the missionary baasition so we can get the kissing and tounges bit.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Strick
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 11:19 PM

Dang. We were worried about keeping it in the same species. Since I assume the inflatable sheep is rubber or silicone (for an additional charge, of course), it would seem we're not even keeping it in the same animal, vegetable, or mineral category. Then again, I've heard rumors about variations on that, too.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: LadyJean
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 11:00 PM

I believe one can buy anatomically correct inflatable sheep. I have not purchased one. But I've heard about them.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Peace
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 10:32 PM

LH, glad about you enjoyed the Dylan concert. While we're talkin' about Dylan, if you wouldn't mind cleaning up the Hillary doll, there may be someone in Alberta who hasn't yet had his epiphany--not sayin' it's me--and the poor old fellow might find a use for it. Talk philosophy, do things around the house, stuff like that. Let me know.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 09:13 PM

well! If only one could be rid of RT 'airheads' that easily!

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 05:37 PM

I have found this thread tremendously moving! In fact, I have experienced an epiphany, and am going to give up the inflatable dolls. Goodbye, inflatable Rosie O'Donnell. Goodbye, inflatable Maggie Thatcher. Goodbye even to you, Hillary. I am moving on.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Peace
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 05:33 PM

Spaw had the llama stolen out from under him (maybe both figuratively and literally for all I know) and his heart is broken. Poor fellow probably can't even fart.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Amergin
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 05:24 PM

Wow...heady stuff here...where's Spaw in all of this?

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST,Rama Llama
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 05:12 PM

Brucie, yes Kendall is a cheater. He has bruised my heart dearly with his dalliances with women of other species. He has hurt me by by going to the zoo to see other women (after getting me pregnant), but I still love him. He is my soul mate. Kendall, please come home to me. I miss you. I forgive you, Kendall.

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: Gareth
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 10:10 AM

Getting back to a Music theme - does anybody, other than Gargoyle, remember that bawdy "Rugby" ballad "Bestialitys best boys"

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: about same species marriage
From: GUEST,Archie Dux
Date: 20 Mar 04 - 09:56 AM

Hey, you are a truly miserable and specist lot, you are. You talk of happiness with llamas, with hamsters, perhaps with condors and chickens, with tigers and cats and dogs.

You talk of marriage as well as less permanent arrangements.

And yet...

And yet...

You give NO consideration to those who continue to live in the cradle of all life. Yeah, I'm talking about us non-mammalian sea dwellers.

Oh, sure, you might have a fling with one of those so-called "marine mammals," a polar bear or a whale or a dolphin. Years back your lonesome sailors might even have mated with a manatee or screwed a seal.

But what about the cod or the herring, which you have so long longed for? Just because ling cod isn't up to your air-loving standard of so-called beauty, you distain this wonderful companion and, let's say it, lusty partner.

And the deeper you look into it the kinkier it all becomes. Try a little octopod action sometime for something you'll never forget, stud.

No, maybe it's better that you bipeds have such a pulmonaricentric view of things. You just stick with your limited experiences with K-Y jelly, six or seven partners, various foods and other quirks. You don't do well under pressure anyway.