An Open Letter to Rick Fielding

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: JenEllen
Date: 29 Mar 04 - 05:34 PM

'Allo Toi;

I know it took me long enough, but after Saturday, you can understand how I was a bit freaked out. 'Bawk-bawk' goes the chickengirl.

We were talking about you in hospital the other day. There's this guy, Steve, who isn't all that far behind you. The nurses don't even let him doze during chemo for fear he won't wake up (he laughs and says they'd hold a pillow over his head for free publicity). Anyhow. I was trying to tell him the story about when your neighbor heard noises in her basement and you'd gone down with the hammer to rout out the bogeys ("What, no dremel?" she says "Hey, who's telling this story?" he says) and then called to tell me and we sat laughing in pajama-party giggles. I failed miserably in the telling. I tried telling it to Katlaughing too, but it loses something in translation. I'll have to file it under 'you just had to be there'...Anyway, Steve tells me: "You used to laugh 'til you cried, now you're crying 'til you cry. Bummer." That about sums it up.

I though of you today. You'll never guess who moved to town? Larry Friggin' Knechtel. No shit. A lot of whinging about how he won't live in big cities anymore, but can't get a gig in this one-horse shithole, blah-blah-blah. So much for a childhood hero. I plan on doing some brain-picking of the highest order, but I'm afraid the pan is empty. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Hang tough you, and miss you madly as ever I can
Love, Moi

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 30 Mar 04 - 09:03 AM

Dear Mr. Fielding
Do you remember when you and I went to the 12th Fret together to buy me a long neck Pete Seeger Vega banjo? I was so determined to play everything in open F because I couldn't understand what you were taking about by capoing two frets up to open G.
You were so patient with me and let me figure it out for myself.
Mind you, the finger stretch was a killer but that was good training too.
You alway gave me the benefit of the doubt - looking at my musical approach as if I was some kind of creative genious when in actual fact I was just pretty darn stupid.
Thank you Mr. Fielding for believing in me.
Sending you much love and many, many thanks,
Banjo Bonnie

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 12:23 AM

Dear Rick,

Well, you have a weird new kinda birthday coming up in just a few days. I'm wondering how I might like to celebrate it, you know, what to bring to the party, what song I might raise in your honor.

We're being as good to each other around here as we know how, or maybe more so--- for several weeks the place's petty battles seemed to pause. But ya know, it is so weird-- I think a lot of us are wondering WWRD (What would Rick do?) when the silly crap offers to rear its ugly head.

So I was wondering. Can you tell from where you are now that you are still at work in our lives-- even just remembering you-- a lot like some of us have said Jesus does? That we know you are here in our hearts, that there is a power in evoking and invoking your name and your memory... that when we make that choice to wonder what Rick would say or think, it helps us be our better selves (our growing and learning selves, our loving and curious selves).... I know a lot of people will be pretty damn pissed off at me for saying this (I think you're probably laughing your ass off)-- the idea that to introduce people to the idea of a risen, redeeming God, all I really need to do is tell them about the powerful effect your life had on people, and continues to have. How human in every way, yet how well you loved people. Jesus is too wonderful and far away to make much sense to people. But anyone who knew you has a fine example to reflect on. Whatever. Right now I'm just caught up in remembering you, for you, and grateful all over again for having known you a little. (Apparently I "had" as much of you as I could handle at that time. Or maybe it was the same for you, of me.)

Do you know that because you never expected it, your goodness STILL shines so brightly that it can draw us up out of the darkness?

I feel it as a loving, inner BS-deleter. More curious than frustrated, a grinning, entirely loving prod, "Hey! How come yer acting like your full of shit again?" Oh, oops, thanks! Or, "Say you're having a bad day?   I know a great way to learn gratitude for how great your life actually is." Ooops, duh, thanks!

In life you always were a powerful reminder to LIVE. For me, that has only intensified in the short but too-long time since you went on beyond us a little ways. I fall short all the time... but any thought of you gets me right back up and at it.

Thank you, for your life. Thank you for living it so well, so RICKly. Thanks for every choice you made, that made you who you were and are to us.

And no, I will NOT come up there till I can play at least ONE of the instruments you gave me a free PM beginner's lesson for!

~Susan

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: MMario
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 03:12 PM

Dear Rick;

I've been avoiding this for too long - and for a selfish reason. I don't "do" death well. Never have. And for a number of reasons yours in particular has hit hard. But I *do* want to post - if only to let you know that I feel priviliged to have created a memorial to you in knotted yarns - I hope it brings as much comfort to Heather when she holds it around her as it did for me in creating it.

So many people have put their best wishes into it - I said on the other thread I could not have created this shawl for heather alone - and it is true. You know that feeling you get that you are being observed - even when you don't see anyone around looking at you? I had it the whole time I was working on the shawl.

the numbers worked out correctly - even though I was creating a pattern on the fly - the lengths of the yarn worked out correctly - even the weather cooperated - we had the first two dry days in WEEKS just when I needed to block the shawl out on the deck.

More importantly - as I worked on the shawl for Heather - I did not enter my usual "brain-off" mode that is normal for me when I am crafting. Instead, my mind stayed busy with processing the many,many posts to you and about you on various threads. And in doing so I was able to process some of the issues I've had about other deaths in the past. (and somewhere nearer to you then to me I know there are a bunch of people saying "it's about TIME!!!!)

Still words do not come easily or correctly - but at least they are coming and not being swallowed. Merry Meet, merry part and Merry meet again!

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Aug 04 - 05:00 PM

Rick, you were right-- that favor you asked DID mean a lot to the person involved, even tho it took till now to bear fruit!

I miss you!

~Susan

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Aug 04 - 06:28 PM

Rick--we're gonna have another Getaway soon, and I know I will see you there in every place I remember you. I don't know why I'm doing this, 'cause neither you nor I believe in spirits or afterlife, but I tell ya', buddy...if there ever was anyone who, under these strange circumstances, could continue to have a presence among a bunch of people who only see each other now & then, you are da one!

You even COMPLIMENTED the food at the Getaway, and I'll be grinning every time I fill my plate with something you professed to like. ...and late at night, when folks get to pickin', we sometimes turn and look at each other as if to say.."shouldn't this be Rick's break?"

and damn it, I never did get to beg you for a leather autoharp strap. I suppose you don't believe in reincarnation, either......well, it's ok, you held and played my autoharp once, and that'll have to do....


take care.......

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: GUEST,Big Mick in Toronto
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 01:23 AM

Hi buddy. I would say I miss you, but the simple fact is that you are everywhere. Hard to miss someone in conditions like that. Maybe instead, I will just say that I miss giving you a hug.

As you know, I spent the day at your house. Heather decided to host a gathering while Jed, Jeri, and I were in town. I have to tell you, pal, that it felt wonderful to be back in that yard singing with the people whose lives you touched. Eve Goldberg, Rick Speyer, Paul Mills, Jed, Justapicker, Peter T., Marion, Kathy, Jed ... it was just amazing. And the music that came out was phenomenal. Someone said that the only way it could have been better was if you were there. I kind of chuckled and looked at Jeri. I think we both knew that you were there. I was having a brainfart, probably wine induced, and so I sang a "safe" song. I swear I could hear you hollerin' at me to not do that.

Just in case you were wondering if your friends knew you were about, it was pretty evident that they did.   Paul is such a good man and such a good friend. You left the music in good hands with him, my friend. By the way, I hope you don't mind what I did with "Voices of Struggle". It is just the way I feel it.

I have to tell you, my friend, that the woman you shared this life with is absolutely amazing. I am so proud of her and how she works through all this. You need never worry, buddy. We are all here for her, as she is for us.

See you down the road,

Mick

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: Peter T.
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 10:15 AM

Sweet music, stars on an August night, they were all there because of Rick really, so he was there, like the magnet that makes the iron filings align; and sometimes subtly (always I notice how people who have been under his influence are so encouraging to everyone else in the circle of song). I note that currently astronomers work out from the slight movements of the stars out of their normal paths to prove the existence of unseen, otherwise undetectable planets -- so in this case. And like the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, where measurement affects the system of things, so, without Mudcat, some of that would never have happened......

I am only sorry I had to leave early.

yours,

Peter T.

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 02:06 AM

BillD, Mick and Peter, thanks for sharing....just beautiful and helps to feel the continued connection.

stillluvyaRick...kat

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 02:21 AM

Rick-I was looking forward to meeting you in Selby, Yorkshire, last year, unfortunately you got so ill, that you could not make it.
Wehn I read that you had died, I thjought "oh Shit, he's gone"!
then I cried, seems weird, [I'd never even met you!]
Not sure if there's a heaven or not, but if there is, look after yourself, and I'll see you wehn I get there.

john

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: Jeri
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 05:10 PM

I have figurative conversations with him all the time, but I have a hard time holding these in front of folks.

From a Bill Gallaher song (From memory, probably with mistakes):

Each seed is a flower, each flower's a seed
Each heart's a composer of songs
And the world and the sun in the universe turn
And the cycles of life carry on
    The wind moves the sea, the waves touch the shore
    You are what you dream, that's what you are
    On a voyage in time of your heart and your mind
    On an ocean of stars
    Yet when all's said and done, keep this in mind
    As you journey through life, travellin' half blind
    If for knowledge you thirst, then know you're the first
    And the last of your kind.

Rick sure planted some seeds, didn't he? Mick's nurturing a little seed of criticism that tells him that the risks we take, the leaps of faith, are what can make us remarkable. I've got a few seeds, and the 'plants' can grow into something beautiful if I just remember to water them and dump some fertilizer in once and a while. I just have to remind myself to get off my ass and help them grow sometimes. Luckily, some folks who knew him and me, have the 'it's OK to push people' seeds.

Many of Rick's friends had that particular seed. Rick might have helped encourage its growth, maybe not, but they're alike in believing people can be better and do better. That's what Rick got started in me. I believe I can be better than I'd thought, and I can easily see the seeds of things beautiful and unique in other folks too. I can tell them and encourage them. We help with each other's little plots of ground, and all of our seeds have a better chance.

Now, I don't believe Rick was (meta)physically present at these gatherings. It's just not me. There were an awful lot of his unfinished dreams still being dreamt, hopes being hoped, paths being followed and the occasional gentle kick in the shorts being administered. I miss him, but it's also in my nature to try to look for something, no matter how tiny or hard to find, that I'll see as more important than grieving.

I was trying to write, and I was blocked. I just wrote a bunch of prose, got some of it to rhyme, and if you'll excuse me pretending to imagine what Rick might think:

There are circles of friends,
Held loosely by lines I drew,
But in the winds of time they fade.
Here is where my passion ends,
I did all I could do,
But these circles of friends
Are the greatest thing I made

See me in their eyes.

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: katlaughing
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 05:14 PM

Beautiful, Jeri, just beautiful...thanks...kat

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 02:05 AM

Rick, it took a while to post to this, but here it is now.
Even though we'd never met, but just spoken on the phone, I felt a kinship with you.
Then when you told me that you'd played in a few places I'd played in in Massachusetts years ago and that we had a few Irish music friends in common, the bond was tighter.
And when a few Mudcat friends told me how you were just as nice in person as you were on the phone and on the 'Cat, I really wanted to meet you.
You invited me on your show anytime I was in the area, and I'm sorry I didn't make the extra effort to get up to Toronto from Buffalo when I was playing there.
My loss.
Your assistance in helping me track down an old acquaintance of both of us was invaluable.
Our exchange of Kenneth Williams recordings and your loan of his 'Diaries' was exceedingly nice of you, and our talks about 'Round The Horne,' were most enjoyable.
I would dearly loved to have sat and picked with you for a few hours, but I've only myself to blame for not having done so.
When someone on the 'Cat opens an old thread with some of your responses, I'm just tickled, so even though you've departed, you're not really gone, if you know what I mean.
For all the enjoyment, I thank you.

Seamus

Subject: RE: An Open Letter to Rick Fielding
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 01:07 AM

When I started this thread I was just trying to find a way for myself and others to put some closure on Rick's death. I wasn't expecting anything, just something I had to do in my own way. I'm glad others found it something for them as well. I wish it had provided more for me than it did. I miss Rick and the relationship we had which was mainly through this place. Mudcat misses Rick and the place has been greatly lessened for me without him.

I was hoping though that someone might have something that would give a closure at least to this thread, a summation of sorts I guess. Hell, I really don't know what I was hoping for, but I know I found it in Jeri's last post.

It was somehow appropriate and not in the least surprising that it would be Jeri. A lot reasons for that relating to Rick and to me as well, but I won't go into that........I just want to say thanks.

Thank you Jeri for the words and a feeling behind them that I could not find myself. Perhaps you say you were just stringing things together, but I believe it was an inspired piece of writing and the best you have ever done.....and you have done some wonderful things.

There are circles of friends,
Held loosely by lines I drew,
But in the winds of time they fade.
Here is where my passion ends,
I did all I could do,
But these circles of friends
Are the greatest thing I made

See me in their eyes.

........yeah...............that'll do it...................

Spaw