Is there a folk club mafia ?

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: GUEST,Mike, Halifax UK
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 02:56 PM

Just spent half an hour reading through this thread and LOL on more than one occasion. Reminded me of real folk characters I have met and enjoyed. Perfect.

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Eric the Streetsinger
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 02:52 PM

I think someone ought to create "Avril" and take her on tour. Can she
possibly be any worse that Britney Spears?

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 01:50 PM

Refresh

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 01:48 PM

We try and do our best.
Avril badge was seen around Miskin on several occasions,was'nt it Dave!!!!!.

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Eric the Streetsinger
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 01:40 PM

Six months later-
Read the thread with my mouth agape-
Damn I wish I lived in England- you
folks really know how to have a good
time.

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 02:25 PM

Er - I thought there were already a couple of constituent parts of Avril in Eltham??

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 07:36 AM

Since Linda and I forgot to pick Avril up from Eltham in SE London, she didn't actually get to Miskin - see the entry in that thread. I gather that she had a very satisfactory Easter though, but I did hear that the fellow's had to take a rest cure though. I just thought it might cheer her up to know that her badge had been seen around Miskin.

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: GUEST,Cardiff Student
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 06:40 AM

Now I'm really confused.

I met Avril at Miskin at Easter. I'm sure it was Avril (although I'd been drinking)as there was a Mudcat(c)badge on her ample bosom.

It did seem however that the badge got past around, as I later saw it being worn by one or more men.

Does this raving houri pass on her official Mudcat(c) badge to all her conquests?

Can I join the clan. I have been known to beg on bended knee for a woman of ample volume

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 01:18 PM

Look, I've just bloody sick of it. Whoever suggested that Avril used a Metrognome had better watch out from a leter from the species relations board.

What have all them poor Metrognomes done to deserve this treatment? All they did was build the Paris underground railway. They are my cousins after all...

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 01:00 PM

There seems to be a huge amount of point-missing going on here.

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: breezy
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 09:26 AM

So it worked.
Nobody is stopping anyone re-dressing the balance.


Avril was a child of '47 but underwent extensive reclamation and re-invention by a computor wizz kid, which put a 45 year old in the body of someone much older and 40DD into something much smaller.

She is of our times.

I know there are some of you who empathised with her.

Meet her on Sunday 9th May,at the St Albans,'Spotlight'Folk-song club

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: matai
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 08:56 AM

I feel like I've just left some kind of horror story. Do some of you guys dislike large breasted women who can't see or sing as much as come's across....and the advice it went on ad nauseum. No wonder the poor girl was sick. She'd injected so much stuff from you all that she had to spew it out, even if she was just a figment of your imaginations. You could at least have had a disclaimer about cats or pussies not being harmed for this production but then of course no one would have believed it right from the beginning. I'm so glad I don't live in London...especially in the 50's when this novel seems to be set....yuk is all I can say...here's to women's liberation when it finally arrives. Next time choose a bloke. Now I have to go and spew. What horrifies me is why I stayed so long. I think I was waiting for the murder.
matai

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: breezy
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 08:16 AM

Dear eliza, please

dont give up the day job,

See you outside the Golden Lion mid-night with mum and dad as usual again?

must stop meeting like this.

Fancy a gig?

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Hrothgar
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 07:28 AM

There I strode down Earl's Court Road
When into a pub I was lured.
"Where ya from?" says a nosey Pom
As I sipped the amber fluid.
So I told him straight, I'm Ozzie mate,
And I came in here to get plastered,
But your beer tastes crook, and the sheilas all look
Like YOU, you Pommie bastard !

Rule, Britannia! Marmalde and jam, etc

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Shimbo Darktree
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 11:13 AM

Bugger me (expletive only, people!) I have not been on the 'cat for some days. An acquaintance (formerly a friend!) told me that I should read this thread when I got home. No names, but he needs a jolly rogering for this!

And I was all prepared to offer Avril a spot in an Aussie folk club, where she could stand on her head, if she wished ... in fact, I'd encourage it (just so long as she didn't sing). I have a pussy as well, so I know how she feels (this will come as a shock to those who know me).

Great thread ... it has stopped me playing Diablo II for over an hour, and that is a wonderful achievement. Brilliant effort.

***THINKS useless pricks ... but I can't say that ... I'll be called a bad sport ... grrrrrr ...***

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Coyote Breath
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 12:05 AM

Once in Chicago I got hired to perform in a club, union scale. Went to the club. No one there but a couple of guys wearing shiny suits and gold rings with big diamonds. They kept to them selves, so did I. Did three sets, got paid. Did this for three or four weeks. Came to the club one evening. It had a new name. Same guys. Did my thing, got paid. This went on for three or four weeks. Came to the club one evening, it had yet another name. I played in five or six clubs that year, all in the same location. Never could figure out what was going on.

CB

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: GUEST,eliza c
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 10:35 PM

That's it, I officially don't get it. Chatrooms. Oh well, back to the day job.

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: breezy
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 07:12 PM

I see that your warming to your theme in readiness for your forthcoming, - nay you've lost count after all these years - visit to St Albans.

Will 'she' be putting in an appearance??

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 06:44 AM

I don't know all the words, but Avril does and (with a fellow to demonstrate on of course) performs a whole lot of enteresting actions. Strangely enough she seems to have no trouble remembering the lyrics - perhaps the remarks from Khat and Essex Girl about how things get into her brain might be relevant here. Mind you I don't know what she'd want in return for teaching you . . . . .

Seriously there seems to be a version posted here.

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: GUEST,Dave Webster
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 06:30 AM

Ha ha! What a cracker! Can you sing it for us then? Sunday?

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 06:19 AM

I'm sorry that this thread coincided with the sad news of Bob Copper's death. While I did think of stopping it, this was planned some time ago, and I like to think that Bob himself would have enjoyed the joke. I'm sure that he would have agreed with much of the excellent advice given to Avril and would have probably provided some himself.

I'm sorry that I forgot to thank Jeff (Pene Azul) and Joe and the clones for not pulling the plug on the thread before it's finale.

I hear that some of the women's postings have ecouraged Avril to embrace feminism, unfortunately the conflagration caused when she burnt her collection of bras, took the London fire service two hours to get under control. It took the hunky firemen even longer to get Avril under control!

"My One-eyed Trouser Snake" is one of the songs that Barry Humphies (aka Dame Edna Everage, Sir Leslie Patterson) produced for one of his earlier personas: Barry McKenzie an Australian in London. He wrote a whole lot of poems and songs including "Chunder in the old pacific sea" and popularised such Autralian terms as "Technicolour Yawn".

There's a wonderful song where a stuck-up englishman asks him why he looks upset and his answer goes somethink like:

So I told him straight, I'm Ozzie mate,
And I'm bent on getting plastered.
For the beer's all crook, and the girls all look
Like YOU, you pommie bastard !

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Guy Wolff
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 09:49 PM

Skunks one and all !!!! I should have known but I didnt . ! I still want to come play music with this gang anyway . i bet I could hold music sing and play spoons at the same time while playing a bass drum with a foot . Some club would put up with it . maybe not . Happy April Fools day . Swine ><><><.. Yours guy

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 06:05 PM

I daresay there probably is... there is definately a Monty Python song with that phrase in it - it's their Noel Coward parody, 'Isn't awfully nice to have a penis'.

LTS

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: GUEST,Anne Croucher
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 05:58 PM

One thing I have not yet worked out - is there really a song called my one eyed trouser snake or was it just for dramatic effect?

Still smiling

Anne

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: breezy
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 05:29 PM

Blowzabella me hearty

Avril sits and has the words on the table but as she leans forward ....and sometimes some silly bugger makes the words fall to the floor then Avril has to lean even further forward.
The organise is a slim, middle aged woman and is profoundly jealous of Avril's attributes .

coming back from Scotland tomorrow

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Blowzabella
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 05:13 PM

I found it a good read but confess, I was wondering throughout how someone could play the bodrhan AND hold up song words at the same time...!

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: jacqui.c
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 04:43 PM

Good one people = really cheered me up this week. My neighbours must have wondered at the loud cackles coming from my place.

Liz - can't you find a way to cook the hobby horse's head - they make brawn from pigs heads - anybody got any suggestions?

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Peace
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 04:26 PM

Avril Betts: Sucked me in. (Please allow me to rephrase that.) I was taken in by the thread. A work of art. Next year--watch it!

The Phantom

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Peace
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 01:55 PM

NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS: That's the answer to my virginity problem. What a f#ckin' thread. Yes!

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: breezy
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 01:50 PM

From Scotland

cunning what, did you say Anahata?

You mean I was in on it?
thanks for covering for me chaps.

Who is this Macarthy person anyway?
She a folkie?

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: InOBU
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 01:19 PM

Bravo... may you live through out the year, like Christmas for Scrooge, Well done Avil, the spirit of tom foolery past present and future. Cheers Larry

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 11:15 AM

Just got there ahead of me, Anahata...
By a year

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: treewind
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 11:07 AM

Well done, Dave. Cunning stunt....

Anahata

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 10:19 AM

Hand smacking makes some feel superior. Correcting people is what some do best.do us a favour and stop being so smug in yer perfect posts.you no who you R

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 10:13 AM

Now I recognise you, Avril, didn't you used to serve behind the bar of the Slug and Sarrusaphone in Preston Lockwood under your maiden name, Avril Premier? Or was it the Kazoo and Gherkin in Lockwood West?
I never forget a pair of big br-,er blue eyes.

RtS

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 09:23 AM

I've been keeping a low profile for tha last few hours. Thank you Linda, Khat, Micca, El Greko, Breezy, Richard Bridge, LtS and all the other Catters who helped me (in the words of W S Gilbert) by adding "corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative". Special thanks to those others who have actually adopted Avril's persona for the odd posting (and are still continuing to do so, it seems).

I will not be held responsible for any laundry bills for the bed-linen of male catters who have suffered nocturnal emissions caused by thoughts of a middle-aged nymphomaniac with a 40DD bust. Similarly I must appologise to Manitas who has been looking for a new venue for a sessions in East London now that we've been kicked out of "The Dog and Lampost".

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 09:21 AM

Alice, perverts don't know the meaning of the word consideration.

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Alice
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 09:12 AM

You should have done your prank in the chat room. Waste of people's time to do it on the forum, which shows a lack of consideration.

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Hrothgar
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 07:30 AM

A+

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Damon
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 07:08 AM

Treewind, I know a woman who comes out with "pussy" remarks...if ever I went to see her you could guarantee she would mention it, like holding her cat, looking me straight in the eye and asking me if I'd like to stroke her pussy!

The first time, being a cat lover, I didn't even realise what she meant and stroked it. The subsequent times I found it acutely embarassing, and declined the offer as politely as one can in these situations.

These experiences made Avril very real, and scary!

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Doktor Doktor
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 07:00 AM

Oh spite oh Hell !

Weve had a call from Avril to say she'll be turning up tonight with a delegation from the UK Naturist Federation. Something about "Rite of Spring" on a "floor spot"

Do rather hope its not Breezy & El Grek in the all together.

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: greg stephens
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 06:56 AM

Well I was fooled at the start and wrote to Joe Offer asking him to delete the thread. Then I smelled a rat and wrote to him again, withdrawing my plea. A good read, well done chaps, who says April Fools have to be on April 1.

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 06:50 AM

Back as me, wig discarded along with the two melons...

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Avril Betts
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 06:49 AM

See what I mean? I feel like Anthony Perkins in "Psycho"...

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 06:47 AM

The "real" statement to Breezy was tongue-in-cheek, because (I think)he too was in the know but pretending he knew nothing.

Dave Bryant and Linda started it. Looking at the earlier postings, I believe several others were in on it from the start. Half way through (and after I was almost propositioned in a PM by "Avril" - thankfully for my marriage and reputation I deflected it) I was brought in on it too, and was given "Avril's" login details. "Avril" postings are in fact by several people, not a single one.

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: treewind
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 06:40 AM

So now we know it was a wind up (I had my doubts, all that stuff about "my pussie" was too ridiculous to be true, and several other clues) - who started it really? Are we going to get the full story?

El Grek isn't responsible but knows what happened and says it was "real".. explanations, please - now it's past 12 o'clock.

Anahata

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 06:24 AM

So what do I do with this hobby horse head that's stinking out my cellar then?

LTS

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: MikeofNorthumbria
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 06:18 AM

A few centuries ago, the alchemists went looking for the Philosopher's Stone, which was supposed to turn lead into gold. They never found it, because it was strictly mythical. But their search turned up lots of useful chemical information along the way.

Perhaps these replies to the mythical Avril may help struggling beginners transmute their leaden repertoire into something more like the heavy yellow stuff. The elixir that can make anyone a star overnight is another myth - still vainly pursued by the alchemists of the music biz. But with good advice, and a lot of practice, all of us can improve, however limited our innate abilites.

Unlike most other kinds of music, folk is primarily about participation. Excellence is very nice when you can get it. But it's not excellence that keeps the folk movement going. Folk music needs its Avrils, as well as its Carthys. And the fact that its Carthys will take the trouble to give its Avrils a few words of advice and encouragement is one of our most precious assets.   

Wassail!

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: concertina ceol
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 06:13 AM

this may have been a wind up but we've all met this person!

excellent stuff and a brilliant April Fool!

Subject: RE: Is there a folk club mafia ?
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Apr 04 - 06:05 AM