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Folklore: Cursing Thread

Rapparee 16 Apr 04 - 10:05 AM
wysiwyg 16 Apr 04 - 10:08 AM
Little Hawk 16 Apr 04 - 10:48 AM
GUEST,MMario 16 Apr 04 - 10:55 AM
Amos 16 Apr 04 - 10:59 AM
Uncle_DaveO 16 Apr 04 - 11:05 AM
JennyO 16 Apr 04 - 12:05 PM
Don Firth 16 Apr 04 - 12:33 PM
Ellenpoly 16 Apr 04 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 04 - 01:07 PM
TheBigPinkLad 16 Apr 04 - 01:20 PM
Chief Chaos 16 Apr 04 - 01:24 PM
Amos 16 Apr 04 - 01:46 PM
Big Mick 16 Apr 04 - 02:10 PM
Stilly River Sage 16 Apr 04 - 02:18 PM
Little Hawk 16 Apr 04 - 02:47 PM
GUEST,Shlio 16 Apr 04 - 02:54 PM
Leadfingers 16 Apr 04 - 03:11 PM
Don Firth 16 Apr 04 - 03:22 PM
Amos 16 Apr 04 - 03:24 PM
Little Hawk 16 Apr 04 - 03:27 PM
GUEST 16 Apr 04 - 03:38 PM
GUEST,Den 16 Apr 04 - 03:52 PM
Big Mick 16 Apr 04 - 04:00 PM
Don Firth 16 Apr 04 - 04:20 PM
Little Hawk 16 Apr 04 - 04:42 PM
dick greenhaus 16 Apr 04 - 05:22 PM
Little Hawk 16 Apr 04 - 05:25 PM
Bill D 16 Apr 04 - 05:40 PM
Once Famous 16 Apr 04 - 05:50 PM
steve in ottawa 16 Apr 04 - 05:58 PM
Alaska Mike 16 Apr 04 - 06:10 PM
harvey andrews 16 Apr 04 - 06:23 PM
Big Mick 16 Apr 04 - 06:33 PM
Joe_F 16 Apr 04 - 06:36 PM
wysiwyg 16 Apr 04 - 06:49 PM
Don Firth 16 Apr 04 - 06:58 PM
Amos 16 Apr 04 - 07:00 PM
freda underhill 16 Apr 04 - 07:04 PM
BK Lick 16 Apr 04 - 10:47 PM
dick greenhaus 16 Apr 04 - 11:10 PM
The Fooles Troupe 17 Apr 04 - 12:32 AM
Little Hawk 17 Apr 04 - 12:43 AM
LadyJean 17 Apr 04 - 12:47 AM
Gurney 17 Apr 04 - 01:21 AM
GUEST,Clint Keller 17 Apr 04 - 02:43 AM
freda underhill 17 Apr 04 - 03:35 AM
steve in ottawa 17 Apr 04 - 12:22 PM
freda underhill 17 Apr 04 - 12:28 PM
Celtaddict 17 Apr 04 - 01:43 PM
dianavan 17 Apr 04 - 01:50 PM
Peace 17 Apr 04 - 02:03 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 04 - 02:12 PM
dick greenhaus 18 Apr 04 - 08:45 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Apr 04 - 05:24 PM
Little Hawk 18 Apr 04 - 06:23 PM
Little Hawk 18 Apr 04 - 09:06 PM
Liz the Squeak 18 Apr 04 - 09:17 PM
Rapparee 18 Apr 04 - 10:10 PM
42 19 Apr 04 - 01:37 AM
Seamus Kennedy 19 Apr 04 - 01:53 AM
Mickey191 19 Apr 04 - 03:30 AM
v 19 Apr 04 - 03:54 AM
v 19 Apr 04 - 04:35 AM
GUEST,Oryx 19 Apr 04 - 05:12 AM
Rapparee 19 Apr 04 - 09:37 AM
Liz the Squeak 19 Apr 04 - 11:58 PM
Liz the Squeak 20 Apr 04 - 12:00 AM
Little Hawk 20 Apr 04 - 01:34 AM
GUEST,Clint Keller 20 Apr 04 - 02:00 AM
freda underhill 20 Apr 04 - 08:20 AM
freda underhill 20 Apr 04 - 08:22 AM
Rapparee 20 Apr 04 - 09:09 AM
Rapparee 20 Apr 04 - 09:12 AM
Allan C. 20 Apr 04 - 10:31 AM
JennyO 20 Apr 04 - 12:35 PM
LadyJean 20 Apr 04 - 11:20 PM
Liz the Squeak 21 Apr 04 - 12:55 AM
Cluin 21 Apr 04 - 01:32 AM
Liz the Squeak 21 Apr 04 - 01:46 AM
Cluin 21 Apr 04 - 01:53 AM
darkriver 21 Apr 04 - 02:34 AM
Raptor 21 Apr 04 - 08:23 PM
Cluin 22 Apr 04 - 03:08 AM
Rapparee 22 Apr 04 - 09:36 AM
freda underhill 22 Apr 04 - 09:52 AM
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Subject: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:05 AM

In Irish history and folklore, as well as that of other countries (including the US), cursing contests have been recorded. In Patrick Powers' "The Book of Irish Curses" (p.22, Mercer Books, 1974) he supplies this example from County Fermanagh:

Willis: May your hens take the disorder and your cows the crippen, and you calves the white scour! My yourself go stoneblind so that you will not know your wife from a hay-stack!

Murphy: May the seven terriers of hell sit on the spool of your breast and bark in at your soul-case!


I've seen some now-deleted threads that indicate that 'Catters are good at name calling, but I've long wondered if true cursing isn't a lost art.

So here's a chance to demonstrate otherwise. Pretend you've got someone in your sights (GWB, Tony Blair, GUEST, John Kerry, Bill Shatner, you choose your favorite) and blast 'em with a curse that will shrivel 'em up like a raisin in a dry wind. But -- you can't use any of the "seven words you can't say on TV" because they're so common they've lost their effectiveness. You gotta be creative! And name-calling isn't cursing, so if you're going to call someone names, put a curse in with it.

Here's another example from Powers to get you thinking. The whole thing is on page 87.

A Mháire Ní Dhúinléith, go n-imí ort!
Páiste trasna ort agus nár bheire tú coíche é!

Oh Moll Dunlea, may harm overtake you!
A child be within you, for ever unborn!


Go for it. Try to be creative.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:08 AM

Better done in the original--French-- from dear Hardiman:

"May you be pecked up the ass by a bird with a big, long beak!"

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:48 AM

Avaunt, wretch! May you be cursed! May the harpies of hell descend upon you and assail you with a thousand nameless ills, you shambling, cretinous, simpleton, you wart on a pimple's posterior! May your teeth gnash in impotent frustration! May your blood curdle in your veins! May you be despised and cast out from the world of men, to wander unpitied and scorned through the barren wilderness where even the scavenger birds mock you! May all the biting insects descend upon your wretched form in a pestilential cloud and drive you to jibbering madness! And there at last, alone and unsuccoured, may you meet the miserable fate you so richly deserve, and the jackals pick your bones!


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:55 AM

two of the best I've ever heard:

May you live in "interesting" times.

May you get what you deserve.



Simple, so elegant, and so dastardly...


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:59 AM

This composition which is based on the old Irish curse song "Nell Flaherty's Drake" provides a fully updated inventory of colorful invocations.

Regards,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 11:05 AM

Some people confuse cursing, swearing, vulgar language, and blasphemy, which are all different concepts. So far in this thread the posts have (correctly) been all about cursing. As a registered Pedant, I thank you, thank you, thank you!

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: JennyO
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 12:05 PM

Not original, but I have always liked this one:

"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Don Firth
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 12:33 PM

Glorious, Little Hawk! I've saved it for an appropriate occasion.

With the Middle East in the news these days, I recall an Egyptian exchange student I knew at the U. of W. back in the Fifties. He was once heard to mumble, "May wild pigs defile the grave of your maternal grandmother!!"

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 12:46 PM

Remind me not to get on your bad side, LH..xx..e


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 01:07 PM

I've always liked "May the grass grow before the door to your home." The imagery of a place no one visits is wonderful.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 01:20 PM

Two common curses from my childhood:

May your balls turn square and fester at the corners

May your shit have only one end

eeeew.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 01:24 PM

I always liked the one my mother used on us:

May you have children just like you!


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 01:46 PM

May the sewers of Rangoon back up into your breakfast cereal!

(Johnny Carson)


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Big Mick
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 02:10 PM

I have always loved the old Yiddish curse. It doesn't translate well, but you get the point:

You should only grow like an onion, with your head hanging in hell!"

Love those folks,

Mick


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 02:18 PM

Nell Flaherty's Drake is a favorite song of my childhood. We sang along with gusto when Dad sang it, and with the Clancy recording.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 02:47 PM

I find this sort of thing much more satisfying than mere vulgar swearing... :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 02:54 PM

May your tongue and mind be cursed to express establishment views


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Leadfingers
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 03:11 PM

I was told that the worst thing you could call some one in German was
' Grosse Arshe Mit Euren ' Translated as A Big Arse with Ears On .

With apologies for my atrocious German !


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Don Firth
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 03:22 PM

Two more old Yiddish curses (in memory of my late friend, Elmar Lanczos, who told me of these):

Person with bad stammer, "Wh-wh-when I d-d-die, I w-w-w-will be-be-bequeath y-y-you my m-m-m-m-mouth!"

And

May you have a hundred mansions. And in each mansion, may you have a hundred bedrooms. And may each bedroom may you have a hundred beds. And may insomnia keep you bouncing from bed to bed!

Mazeltov!

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 03:24 PM

May you grow the heart of a Republiscan and the mind of a Democrat!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 03:27 PM

May you have the luck of Saddam!


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 03:38 PM

"Some people confuse cursing, swearing, vulgar language, and blasphemy, which are all different concepts. So far in this thread the posts have (correctly) been all about cursing."

So where does cussing come into this?

Personally, I love "colorful" language. Expletives. Language to make a sailor blush. Talkin' like a truck driver. I actually had a truck driver once comment to me that even HE find my vulgar language shockingly entertaining.

Especially when used creatively, as the Irish use their "vulgar" language, I love to cuss and use foul mouthed language.

Also, blasphemy is pretty much in the eye of the believer, so taking any lord's name in vain has never been much of an issue to secular ole me. I don't think it is a generational thing though, as many presume. It has always been more of a class issue (ie nice, middle class/aspiring to assimilate to middle class folks use "civilized" language). My Scandinavian grandpa, who eventually became a wealthy man, detested what he thought was the phoniness in the "cultured" classes over language used.

Also, not all cultures frown upon women cussing and swearing, although that is usually the province and privlege of being an elder.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: GUEST,Den
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 03:52 PM

May your balls swell up and your bag never burst. Crude but effective.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Big Mick
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 04:00 PM

That lad is fit for tending mice at the crossroads


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Don Firth
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 04:20 PM

Another of Elmar's choice tidbits:
          Mrs. Ginsberg runs into Mrs. Plotnik and as they converse, Mrs. Ginsberg remarks, "That's a lovely diamond ring. So big."
         "This," says Mrs. Plotnik, "is the Plotnik diamond."
         "The Plotnik diamond?" says Mrs. Ginsberg. " That sounds romantic. Is there a story behind it?"
         "The diamond," says Mrs. Plotnik, "comes with a curse."
         "A curse?" gasps Mrs. Ginsberg, glancing apprehensively about her. "What is the curse?"   
         "Mr. Plotnik!"
Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 04:42 PM

chuckle!


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:22 PM

two Yiddish classics-

You should live like a chandelier. You should hang all day and burn all night!

You should drop dead with an erection, so they can't close the lid on youe coffin.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:25 PM

In India that is not a problem.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:40 PM

"May you be stranded on an island with half a dozen of the most tedious boors you know!"

"May all the the people who know your deepest secrets meet when you are absent."


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Once Famous
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:50 PM

"May you take a spiked dildo up your ass."

This could also be used as a way to avoid hemmoroids in that thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: steve in ottawa
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:58 PM

Forgot to return that book?

For him that Stealeth a Book from this Library,
Let it change into a Serpent in his hand & rend him.
Let him be struck with Palsy, & all his Members blasted.
Let him languish in Pain crying aloud for Mercy,
Let there be no Surcease to his Agony till he sink to Dissolution.
Let Bookworms gnaw his Entrails in token of the Worm that dieth not,
When at last he goeth to his final Punishment,
Let the flames of hell consume him for ever & aye.

From the Monastery of San Pedro, Barcelona, a blanket curse for the entire library...(I really wish this one existed, but unfortunately, it appears that it is apocryphal -- there is no monastery in San Pedro. It's so nasty though that I include it anyway.)

Always return books. As for stealing 'em...(shudder).


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 06:10 PM

May the songwriter you spurned, remember your name.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: harvey andrews
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 06:23 PM

May you suffer ambition without talent.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Big Mick
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 06:33 PM

The "Empty liquids from your mouth and solids from your bowels, prior to reading this" rule is hereby invoked. Anyone violating said rule shall be subject to the maximum punishment allowed.

Alaska Mike and Harvey Andrews, the only thing that saves youse layabouts is the fact that I had not invoked the rule. Otherwise you would both be languishing in a rat infested prison cell, cleaning monitor screens, soiled breeches, and keyboards from dawn to dusk.

Mick


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Joe_F
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 06:36 PM

About 1960 I lived in a rooming house with a common kitchen, and used to keep a flask of orange juice in the refrigerater, which was frequently robbed. I put it in a paper bag to lessen the temptation, but to no avail. At length, I composed the following and attached in to the flask, inside the bag, so that no honest person would see it:

THIEVES BEWARE! A CURSE

Hex'd is this flask of orange juice.
Cursed by thou who stealest from it!
Forthwith upon the floor of Hell
Mayst thou its contents blood-streak'd vomit
And live amidst its steam & smell
While round thee white-hot virgins plummet
And egg thee on to self-abuse
In saecula saeculorum, Amen!

It worked.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 06:49 PM

To whom it may concern (not YOU of course):

Thou shalt be cursed....

to write long, heartfelt-- nay, impassioned-- and intricate posts...

... sprinkled with a multitude of deeply-Googled, thoroughly-researched, cleverly-titled blue clickies....

... only to find the Mudcat hard disk too full to take your post and your back button suddenly inoperable....


Yea, thou shalt be cursed to be increasingly voluble and articulate, yet find all the foregoing befall you oftener and oftener in geometric proportion to your developing writing skills...

And thou shalt find the Help Forum deaf to your cries, your personal page unable to send PMs, and your MudPal email addys lost from wherever you keep them....


Thou shalt wander nameless forever in the land of Mudcat and be forevermore known only as anonymous GUEST.


OK, I changed my mind, just kidding.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Don Firth
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 06:58 PM

Not a curse, exactly, but. . . .

Stan, sitting at the bar at the Blue Moon tavern, has downed several beers already and they've filtered through. His bladder is about to burst and he has to make tracks to the men's room, but he's just had a fresh pint delivered. He knows full well that someone will guzzle it while he's gone and he'll come back to an empty glass. So he grabs a napkin, hastily scribbles on it "I spit in this beer," puts it by the glass, and makes a dash for the plumbing.

When he gets back, he sees that under his note on the napkin, somone has written, "So did I."

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 07:00 PM

May all your posts kill the thread you post them to.

A


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Subject: Lyr Add: SEVEN CURSES (Bob Dylan)
From: freda underhill
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 07:04 PM

Seven Curses

Old Reilly stole a stallion
But they caught him and they brought him back
And they laid him down on the jailhouse ground
With an iron chain around his neck.

Old Reilly's daughter got a message
That her father was goin' to hang.
She rode by night and came by morning
With gold and silver in her hand.

When the judge he saw Reilly's daughter
His old eyes deepened in his head,
Sayin', "Gold will never free your father,
The price, my dear, is you instead."

"Oh I'm as good as dead," cried Reilly,
"It's only you that he does crave
And my skin will surely crawl if he touches you at all.
Get on your horse and ride away."

"Oh father you will surely die
If I don't take the chance to try
And pay the price and not take your advice.
For that reason I will have to stay."

The gallows shadows shook the evening,
In the night a hound dog bayed,
In the night the grounds were groanin',
In the night the price was paid.

The next mornin' she had awoken
To know that the judge had never spoken.
She saw that hangin' branch a-bendin',
She saw her father's body broken.

These be seven curses on a judge so cruel:
That one doctor will not save him,
That two healers will not heal him,
That three eyes will not see him.

That four ears will not hear him,
That five walls will not hide him,
That six diggers will not bury him
And that seven deaths shall never kill him.

Bob Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: BK Lick
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:47 PM

In Peter S. Beagle's The Last Unicorn, Schmendrick the Magician improvises these:
I'll make you into a bad poet with dreams!
I'll change your heart into green grass, and all you love into a sheep!
You pile of stones! I'll set all your toenails growing inward, you mess with me!
But he also said, "The most professional curse ever snarled or croaked or thundered can have no effect on a pure heart."

-- BK Lick


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 11:10 PM

Gee, I never knew Dylan wrote Anna Thea.

And the most dire curse of all:


May you fall down and go boom!


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Apr 04 - 12:32 AM

"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the private parts of your favourite harem girl!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 04 - 12:43 AM

He rewrote Anathea, Dick...something bards have been doing for thousands of years. The version of Anathea you are referring back to was probably itself a rewrite. :-)

I rewrite old ballads too sometimes. Go crazy about it...

May you, Dick Greenhaus, find yourself locked in an underground vault with nothing to listen to but Bob's entire catalog of songs (rewrites of old folksongs included)...until Paul Anka records a duet with Maybelle Carter.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: LadyJean
Date: 17 Apr 04 - 12:47 AM

To a photographer: May your lense cap get lost, your lense get scratched and someone come into your dark room with a floodlight.

For a bad driver: May all four of your tires go flat in a bad neighborhood at night, in the rain.

For a letch: May every woman you pursue be either a lesbian, a hermaphrodite, or a transvestite, and may the latter return your affections.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Gurney
Date: 17 Apr 04 - 01:21 AM

One from my youth.

'May your ear-holes turn into arse-holes, and shit down your neck.'


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Subject: Lyr Add: A GLASS OF BEER (James Stephens)
From: GUEST,Clint Keller
Date: 17 Apr 04 - 02:43 AM

Forgive me if I've posted this before, but it's one of my favorites: both invective and curses...

A Glass of Beer

James Stephens

The lanky hank of a she in the inn over there
Nearly killed me for asking the loan of a glass of beer;
May the devil grip the whey-faced slut by the hair
And beat bad manners out of her skin for a year.

That parboiled ape, with the toughest jaw you will ever see
On virtue's path, and a voice that would rasp the dead,
Came roaring and raging the minute she looked at me,
And threw me out of the house on the back of my head!

If I asked her master he'd give me a cask a day;
But she, with the beer at hand, not a gill would arrange!
May she marry a ghost and bear him a kitten, and may
The High King of Glory permit her to get the mange.

love the last two lines...

clint


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Apr 04 - 03:35 AM

This is an evil curse, from which we must all break free.

Thrice the brinded mud cat hath mew'd.
Thrice and once the hamster whined.
Harpy cries 'Tis time, 'tis time.

Round about the keyboard go;
In the infected virus throw.

Mouse, that under cold modem
Days and nights has overthrownem
Helter Skelter weeping bat,
Toil thou first i' the charmed Cat.

Triple, triple boil and tipple;
Vodka burn, and goblet ripple.

Gizzard of a jelly snake,
In the microwave hiss and bake;
Eye of gingrich, toe of shrub,
Wolfowitz and Rumsfeld bug,
Condoleeza's blind worm's sting,
Pull Cheney's leg and Arnie's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

Triple, triple boil and tipple;
Whisky burn, and gullet ripple.

Cool it with George Bush's bladder,
Then the curse is even badder.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: steve in ottawa
Date: 17 Apr 04 - 12:22 PM

Yikes, Freda. Blood curdelicious!

How about:
May all your pleasures be bad for your health.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Apr 04 - 12:28 PM

..now thats a bit lousy..


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Celtaddict
Date: 17 Apr 04 - 01:43 PM

Henry II (who had so much trouble with sons Richard called Lionheart, Geoffrey, and John called Lackland), is said once to have cursed the lot of them roaring, "May all your children breech and die!"
(This was used in the brilliant "The Lion in Winter.")


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: dianavan
Date: 17 Apr 04 - 01:50 PM

Chief Chaos - My mother used to say that too!

The worst curse of all. It used to end every argument and I would shiver!

I hope you have a daughter just like yourself!

My daughter was much more civil. Her saving grace was that she could never have been as "bad" as me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Peace
Date: 17 Apr 04 - 02:03 PM

May your tongue rot with a stench so foul that maggots gag and cats scream.


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE CURSE (J. M. Synge)
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 04 - 02:12 PM

The Curse
To a sister of an enemy of the author's who disapproved of `The Playboy'

Lord, confound this surly sister,
Blight her brow with blotch and blister,
Cramp her larynx, lung, and liver,
In her guts a galling give her.
Let her live to earn her dinners
In Mountjoy with seedy sinners:
Lord, this judgment quickly bring,
And I'm your servant, J. M. Synge.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 08:45 AM

Little Hawk-
The folk tradition doesn't extend to copyrighting bad rewrites. And I suspect that Anka/Carter duets would be a considerable improvement.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 05:24 PM

May your boogers adhere to the walls of your nostrils as if attached by Superglue.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 06:23 PM

Talk to his management team and publishing house, Dick. Maybe you can get something done about it. Albert Grossman is no longer in reach, however.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 09:06 PM

May you marry Clinton Hammond and live in Windsor, Ontario, Canada FOREVER!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 09:17 PM

May your next crap be a hedgehog backwards, and may your haemorrhoid cream be laced with pepper.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 10:10 PM

May you never know a moment's good health until you, scum covered and filty, your body alive with lice, your sores crawling with maggots and the flesh you have left melting from the attacks of flesh-eating bacteria, your eyes and every other orifice of your body dripping blood from Ebola infection, your finger and toe nails grown through your hands and feet, your privy organs rotten with Black Syph and exuding malignant and malodorous pus, your tongue swollen eight times bigger than your mouth, blackflies feasting upon your eyeballs and mosquitoes never giving you a moment's rest, come crawling upon your slime trail to beg my forgiveness.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: 42
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 01:37 AM

"May you be caught in a tornado with Raptor and Little Hawk... watching Trailer Park Boys reruns."


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 01:53 AM

May your pubic hairs turn into baseball bats and beat the bollocks off you.

Seamus


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Mickey191
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 03:30 AM

This is from our dear old friend Catspaw-Circa 2001:
"You would probably eat the crotch out of a leper"s
underwear."      

Followed by: "May the hole in your ass heal up.

I thought immediately of Nell Flaherty's Drake also.
May his pig never grunt, may his cat never hunt,
May a ghost always haunt him in the dead of the night
May his hen never lay, may his ass never bray,
May his coat fly away like an old paper kite,
May the lice & the fleas the wretch ever tease,
May the pinching north breeze make him tremble and shake,
May a four year old bug build a nest in the lug,
Of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's Drake.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: v
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 03:54 AM

frickin an fockin 'A'! what the hades is this shite?? :-)
may you live this life and be reborn to read this thread over an over an over...ad infinitum...amen (backwards).
an' fock a ewe too!
coises,
v
ps (arg - will swab the deck with yer intestines and cool whip...)


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: v
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 04:35 AM

or - how 'bout an artificial banana daquiri? and/or a fruitfly maggot-infested   *diet* pineapple/coconut margarita mixxed with too much carbonated water and aspartame? in a coconut shell that has mold all over the inside, and green food colouring?
   with limp coconut meat reeking of putrid scavenger activitiy?
   may i offer you a bloody mary, made of ancient tomato juice,which large larvae have been feasting upon, and slime down your throat before you know it? and comes from a can which has botulism growing in red streaks all over?
   i promise not to curse distastefully in this esteemed company.
   may i offer you blood pudding, made from the blood of sick cows, which glow with mad cow syndrome viruses, and a side of fries from blighted potatoes, which were dug up beneath the graves of your ancestors?
   I would rather just offer everyone healthy tea and sandwiches. But that would not be cursing, now - would it?
have i made anyone sick yet,
v


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: GUEST,Oryx
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 05:12 AM

Shakespeare was the master. Try this from act 2, scene 2 of King Lear! I love "eater of broken meats".

KENT        A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a
        base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited,
        hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a
        lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson,
        glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue;
        one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a
        bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but
        the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar,
        and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch:


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 09:37 AM

GUEST Oryx, that's great and for some reason I've missed that. But that's not cursing, that's name-calling. Creative, to be sure (I mean, hell, it's Bill!), but name-caling just the same.

I like it, though. I'll have to use some of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 11:58 PM

Ah, that Shakespear bloke. Couldn't spell his own name (at least 3 variations of it) but can sure think up some goodies!

As we're on the subject - just what IS the 'widow's curse' as heard in a song whose name escapes me and I couldn't find in the DT?

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 12:00 AM

Alright, it's Dunlavin Green. So I remembered just as I hit Submit, OK? I don't want anyone pointing out that it's in the DT....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 01:34 AM

May you get to sit through Raptor's efforts to get his new giant woofer speaker for the surround sound system working properly, while being pestered by his crazy little sheltie dog the whole time... :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: GUEST,Clint Keller
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 02:00 AM

I curse ye;
I curse ye by a right line, by a crooked line, a simple and a broken.
By flame, by wind, by water, by a mass, by rain and by clay.
By a flying thing, by a creeping thing, by a sarpint.
By an eye, by a hand, by a foot, by a crown, by a cross, by a sword and by a scourge I curse ye.
Haade, Mikaded,Rakeben, Rika, Ritalica, Tasareth, Modeca, Rabert, Tuth, Tumch.

[Missus Munsey
in The Gyrth Chalice Mystery by Margery Allingham]

This somehow doesn't sound like Margery Allingham's invention; does anyone know where it comes from?

clint

tumch


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: freda underhill
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 08:20 AM

In Australia, the traditional tribal Aboriginal method of cursing someone is to point the bone at them, a form of ritual execution by curse.

A graphic description of the effects on bone pointing is given in Dr. Herbert Basedow's book "The Australian Aboriginal," published in 1925:

A man who discovers that he is being boned by an enemy is, indeed, a pitiable sight. He stands aghast, with his eyes staring at the treacherous pointer, and with his hands lifted as though to ward off the lethal medium, which he imagines is pouring into his body. His cheeks blanch and his eyes become glassy, and the expression on his face becomes horribly distorted...He attempts to shriek, but usually the sound chokes in his throat, and all one might see is froth at his mouth. His body begins to tremble and the muscles twist involuntarily. He sways backwards and falls to the ground, and for a short time appears to be in a swoon; but soon after he begins to writhe as if in mortal agony, and covering his face with his hands, begin [sic] to moan. After a while he becomes more composed and crawls to his wurley (hut). From this time onwards he sickens and frets, refusing to eat, and keeping aloof from the daily affairs of the tribe. Unless help is forthcoming in the shape of a counter-charm, administered by the hands of the "Nangarri," or medicine-man, his death is only a matter of a comparatively short time. If the coming of the medicine-man is opportune, he might be saved.

That a hex, spell, or curse can rate such physiological disorders is mystery enough. Even more puzzling are cases of death in which medical examination reveals no evidence of either reduced blood pressure or an abnormal accumulation of red blood cells. One example is that a Dr. P.S . Clarke, concerning a Kanaka tribesman in North Queensland, Australia, who said that he was going to die soon because a spell had been put on him. The doctor's examinations revealed no medical problems, but a few days later the man was dead.

I mention this for two reasons, one, because this is a cursing thread, and two, because our prime minister has just had the bone pointed at him by an aboriginal woman in Victoria (see next thread for details!). many australians will anxiously be awaiting the outcomes!


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: freda underhill
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 08:22 AM

Aboriginal woman places curse on PM; The Age; April 20, 2004 - 4:05PM

An Aboriginal woman put a curse on Prime Minister John Howard as he visited the regional Victorian town of Colac. Clad in possum skin and traditional tribal makeup, the woman stood silently outside Colac Performing Arts Centre while Mr Howard got into his waiting vehicle after addressing a crowd of more than 500 members of the local community.

Embattled Aboriginal leader Geoff Clark and his supporters watched as the woman known as Moopor pointed a bone about 2.5 centimetres long at Mr Howard, who just smiled and waved. The silent protest comes as Mr Howard last week announced the scrapping of the peak Aboriginal organisation ATSIC.

Mr Clark said the curse was a message to Mr Howard to listen to the Aboriginal community. He said the curse could be taken two ways and Mr Howard had a choice to either let Aboriginal people take control of their own affairs and lives or be cursed up until the next federal election. "This curse could go two ways, it could enlighten him and lift a mental block that Mr Howard has about indigenous Australians,' Mr Clark said. "(Or) Mr Howard can refuse to ignore the message at his own peril and be put under a curse up until the next federal election."

The Aboriginal woman known only as Moopor was not permitted to speak with the media in line with Aboriginal culture. But speaking after his public address Mr Howard dismissed the curse and said he would deal with the issue calmly.

"I don't think Mr Clark speaks for indigenous Australia," Mr Howard said. "I will deal with the matter calmly." Dozens of indigenous Australians turned up to protest against Mr Howard's abolition of ATSIC. They were joined by Victorian farmers protesting about changes to Victoria's dairy industry. A handful of anti-war protesters screamed at Mr Howard "shame on you" as he left the venue.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 09:09 AM

My, my, them Aussies! We Yanks would NEVER, EVER put a curse on our President. Everyone here praises him and heaps blessing upon him. At least, I've heard a lot of invoking the Deity and the President at the same time even though I couldn't quite catch the rest of the words. 8-)

"Shame on you!" is or can be a curse too.

According to Powers, a "widow's curse" was exceptionally potent because it was given by someone who had little else left to her.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 09:12 AM

Oh -- I've been using these for years:

"May your children grow up to be disappointments to you."

and

"I hope your tires all go flat at once."

and

"May your skin fall off all at once during your wedding (or at the Prom, or whatever)."


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Allan C.
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 10:31 AM

Although it points more toward insults than curses, I was pretty sure I remembered seeing this in another discussion and here it is:

The Elizabethan Curse Generator

Here is another generator that is more in line with the intended style.

Or you could try some "biblical" curses here.


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE REFUGEES' REVENGE (John Dengate)
From: JennyO
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 12:35 PM

I for one will be waiting with baited breath to hear how our prime monster is affected by the bone-pointing! Of course, a great many uncharitable things have been said and written about him over the years, and so far, we still haven't been able to get rid of him.

Our government's treatment of refugees has come in for a great deal of critcism, and John Dengate, a Sydney writer and singer of political parodies, came up with an excellent song about karma - it really is a curse in song parody form - "May you get what you deserve", a simple but satisfying curse. I get to sing this on Sunday at Snalbans. I can't wait! Here 'tis:


THE REFUGEES' REVENGE
John Dengate
Tune: Bread of Heaven / Cwm Rhondda

Mr Howard, you'll have no passport
When you walk through death's dark vale.
Lost and frightened, you will travel
Buffeted by storm and gale.

CHORUS: Mr Howard and Mr Ruddock,
When your bodies are deceased,
You'll be locked in hell and not released.

Mr Ruddock, power will not save you
When you cross the River Styx,
Nor your specious rhetoric and cunning
Nor your ruthless politics.

CHORUS

Speaking from the throne of heaven,
God will weigh your evil deed.
"Howard and Ruddock, I deny you status,
Never now, will you be freed."

CHORUS

You will weep in hell's detention centre
For your cruel and heartless crime.
Cries for mercy endlessly ignored:
Eternity's a long, long time.

CHORUS


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: LadyJean
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 11:20 PM

Some years ago, I broke my elbow, very badly. I sat for nearly three hours in the emergency room with an unsplinted fracture, waiting for somebody to do something about it, and hurting like hell.
When I finally got it X rayed, I told the technician I was likely to swear, as I was in a LOT of pain.
She said swearing was fine, as long as I didn't bite her. She said several patients, adult patients! had bitten her.
I went through the Xrays without one cussword. At the end, I smmiled sweetly, and told the technician I hoped all her children grew up to vote Republican. She said she wished I'd bitten her.


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 12:55 AM

HA HA!! Dunlavin Green ISN'T in the DT so you can't pick on me for that!!!

Despite that, it still doesn't answer the question WHAT is the widow's curse? I know WHY a widow.... can't wait to try it myself.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Cluin
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 01:32 AM

My mom always made up her own curses during times of stress (usually when sitting at her sewing machine):

"oh... BITCH and BE BUGGERED!!!"



"Is that a natural progression, Mom?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 01:46 AM

Ah, well if we're going to start that, my mother's favourite cuss was 'buggery bums and arseholes'. Seems perfectly logical to me!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Cluin
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 01:53 AM

Or one from my uncle:

"That guy's enough to give a dog's arse heartburn"


and, when someone nearby farted audibly:

"Don't tear `er! I'll take the whole yard!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: darkriver
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 02:34 AM

speakin of the Elizabethans, I recall something from John Marston's play The Malcontent:
"You turdy-facey nasty-patey lousy-fartical rogues!"

Seriously. You can look it up.

D aka darkriver


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Raptor
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 08:23 PM

Little Hawk You snotty nosed insignifiant pile of parrot droppings!


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Cluin
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 03:08 AM

If you want to insult creatively, then brush up on your Shakespeare:

"My finger in thine eye, thou beslubbering, sheep-biting, winter-cricket!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Cursing Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 09:36 AM

But insults and exclamations aren't curses.

There was no specific "Widow's Curse." It was a curse, done from the heart, of a widow.

Hmmm...widow...Widon of Windsor...is perhaps the current UK government the result of a curse by Queen Vicky? Is the current mess in Washington the result of a curse by Mary Todd Lincoln or Jackie Onassis? Instead of an election, perhaps we need an exorcism or cleansing.


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Subject: Lyr Add: DUNLAVIN GREEN
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 09:52 AM

the widow's curse is mentioned in this song, Dunlavin Green:

(In Dunlavin, Co Wicklow, Captain Saunders marched 36 prisoners, among them 28 yeomen suspected of having sympathies towards the United Irishmen, from the jail to the village green. They were executed on the spot.)

In the year one thousand seven hundred and ninety eight
A sorrowful tale the truth unto you I'll relate
Of thirty-six heroes to the world were left to be seen
By a false information were shot on Dunlavin Green

Bad luck to you Saunders, for you did their lives betray
You said a parade would be held on that very day
Our drums they did rattle - our fifes they did sweetly play
Surrounded we were and privately marched away

Quite easy they led us as prisoners through the town
To be slaughtered on the plain, we were then forced to kneel down
Such grief and such sorrow were never before there seen
When the blood ran in streams down the dykes of Dunlavin Green

There is young Matty Farrell has plenty of cause to complain
Also the two Duffys who were also shot down on the plain
And young Andy Ryan, his mother distracted will run
For her own brave boy, her beloved eldest son

Bad luck to you, Saunders, may bad luck never you shun!
That the widow's curse may melt you like the snow in the sun
The cries of the orphans whose murmurs you cannot screen
For the murder of their dear fathers on Dunlavin Green

Some of our boys to the hills they are going away
Some of them are shot and some of them going to sea
Micky Dwyer in the mountains to Saunders he owes a spleen
For his loyal brothers who were shot on Dunlavin Green


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