Folklore: Limericks anyone [13]

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: MBSLynne
Date: 06 May 04 - 09:42 AM

I found one years ago in a book (may have been "Verse and worse") and since it was my name and suited me, I adopted it as my own

There was a young lady named Lynne
Who was deep in original sin.
When they said "Do be good!"
She said "Would if I could"
And straghtway went at it again.

When I met my husband, Ted, I wrote this one for him to go with it:

There was a young man named Ted
Who was terribly good in bed.
He did it again
And again and again
Till he wore all the hair off his head!

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: Schantieman
Date: 06 May 04 - 10:42 AM

There was a young lady from Spain
Who liked a bit now and again.
Not now-and-again,
bout NOW and AGAIN
And again and again and again.

S

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 May 04 - 07:20 PM

There was a young man from Gosham, Who took out his goolies to wash'em,
His mother said"Jack, If you don't put 'em back,
I'll step on the buggers and squash'em"

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: Leadfingers
Date: 06 May 04 - 07:41 PM

I have this one for another Lynne - 'Cos she fitted in all respects

There was a Law student at Exeter
So pretty that men craned their necks at 'er
And one was so brave
As to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at 'er

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: GUEST
Date: 06 May 04 - 09:05 PM

A young lady I heard of from Dorset.
Wore a very incredible corset.
The bones fit so tight,
when she wore it at night,
Her husband, poor man had to force it.

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 04 - 09:11 PM

A whacked alcoholic named Bush
Thought power one helluva rush!
Tried to drag the whole nation
Into sin and damnation;
But he failed, and fell flat on his head.

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: GUEST,harlowpoet
Date: 07 May 04 - 05:08 PM

Oh go on then

A virile young man from Glamorgan
Was proud of his sexual organ
As long as a rake
It looked like a snake
That belonged on the head of a gorgon

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: 42
Date: 08 May 04 - 10:55 AM

a flea-ridden dachshund, while scratching
nefarious plots was a-hatching
"Cat" control was his plan
Little Hawk was his man.
Every last thread he was snatching.

tee hee
j

cross posted to bad poetry about little dogs but why waste good doggeral?

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 May 04 - 12:28 PM

One who added to threads on Mudcat,
thought it easy and all just "old hat".
He did not realise, that in others eyes,
He appeared as a bit of a twat!

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 May 04 - 05:27 PM

Ode to Fritz the Dachshund

Our dachshund from Deutschland named Fritz
Used to give our poor neighbours the fits
He peed on their daisies
And drove the cats crazy
And tore all the garbage to bits

He would start at first glimmer of dawn
When he'd drop a big load on their lawn
Then he'd strut 'round the place
A smug look on his face
And assault their shitzu with aplomb

He would bark at the slightest excuse
And go on like a psychotic goose
Then he'd bellow on some more
Just outside the front door
Till they'd turn the old Doberman loose

Then he'd yelp and flee into the house
Where he'd lurk like a terrified mouse
Underneath Mother's bed
He would hide and play dead
While destroying a sweater or blouse

He would eat anything he could steal
From a cooler, the fridge or your meal
He'd imbibe party glasses
Get drunk and make passes
At the potbellied pig, how she'd squeal!

He tried walking on swimming pool water
Which inspired my cousin's young daughter
To leap into the drink
Though we yelled, "Let him sink!"
He was saved, though she hadn't of oughter...

He ate seventy pounds of old ribs
And robbed candies from babies in cribs
When his stomach was pumped
They discovered a clump
Of old socks and it cost 30 quid!

When he finally sickened and died
And went to his reward in the sky
We got flowers for Mum
Played a slow kettle drum
Then all cheered and got bloody well high!

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: GUEST,harlowpoet
Date: 09 May 04 - 02:52 PM

Nice one Little Hawk.

There once was a woman called Venus
Who said to her chap,â€쳌We're obscene, usâ€쳌
Long marriage ensued
Did you think this was rude?
Be honest, I'll keep it between us

Simon

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: Schantieman
Date: 10 May 04 - 01:29 PM

John (of Cloudstreet) told me a few snorters at Miskin. Come on John - whre are you?

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: Midchuck
Date: 11 May 04 - 12:08 PM

I composed this a couple of days ago while watching a contractor trying to fit a new screen/storm door to our old, out-of-plumb, house:

There was a young contractor, Jim,
Whose wife had a monstrous large quim.
"But," he said, "I forgive her.
I'll just use raw liver
As a sort of a flexible shim."

Peter

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 May 04 - 12:08 PM

If a person writes lines on a thread,
without really using their head.
They may seem like an ass, or appear rather crass,
and others may wish they were dead.

But if that person uses their brain,
writing sensibly now and again.
They'll capture attention, with literal invention.
Thus Kudos and status they'll gain.

I admit it, that I have a gap.
between my neck and my cap.
So I make an attempt, though it may look unkempt.
It's really a load of old crap!

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 May 04 - 03:26 PM

There was a young lady; she was Greek
Who had her monthlies twice a week
Said her young man from Woking, most provoking, no poking
So to speak.

I know one about a youg girl from the Azores, but it's too crude.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: 42
Date: 12 May 04 - 07:45 AM

a limerick...laundered or rude
with raison d'etre so crude
   its rhythm and rhyme
travel onwards through time
with no deviation a'lewd.
j

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: GUEST,Fossil
Date: 12 May 04 - 07:57 AM

There was a young girl from Pitlochry
Made love to a man on a rockery
She said: It's no fun
These stones hurt my bum,
This isn't a f**k, it's a mockery!

(Apologies for the asterisks, but I'm not at home and it wouldn't get thru' the censoring programme otherwise)

Subject: RE: BS: Limericks anyone
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 12 May 04 - 08:15 AM

Yes Giok I think I know that Azores one,,,,sores and drawers as I remember and not nice at all. Be Blessed