BS: Dangerous animals

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 May 04 - 12:00 AM

The caption said the shot was a little short and the cat sunk the shot with one paw.

surely she wouldn't whack a pussy with her stick!
Context is everything, isn't it?

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Metchosin
Date: 25 May 04 - 11:48 PM

surely she wouldn't whack a pussy with her stick!

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Amos
Date: 25 May 04 - 11:07 PM

You mean the one with the pink shorts?


A

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 May 04 - 10:57 PM

Here's a dangerous animal (see if the link sticks around for a couple of days).

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: flattop
Date: 25 May 04 - 09:52 PM

What is this long thing that you are dangling into cyberspace? Are you responding to my three-liner or did you catch Dylan on a bad day?

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: flattop
Date: 25 May 04 - 09:49 PM

On Hull threads, you have to wait until the goat gives you permission to post.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 May 04 - 09:43 PM

It did, but the original one will not. Unbelievable.

Fine. I'll retype it.

Sounds like a plausible approach to me. If the feeling isn't there not a hell of a lot usually happens, in my experience.

I agree. "How does it feel?" is really the vital question...

The air is getting hotter
There's a rumbling in the skies
I've been wading through the high muddy water
With the heat rising in my eyes
Every day your memory grows dimmer
It doesn't haunt me like it did before
I've been walking through the middle of nowhere
Trying to get to heaven before they close the door

When I was in Missouri
They would not let me be
I had to leave there in a hurry
I only saw what they let me see
You broke a heart that loved you
Now you can seal up the book and not write anymore
I've been walking that lonesome valley
Trying to get to heaven before they close the door

People on the platforms
Waiting for the trains
I can hear their hearts a-beatin'
Like pendulums swinging on chains
When you think that you lost everything
You find out you can always lose a little more
I'm just going down the road feeling bad
Trying to get to heaven before they close the door

I'm going down the river
Down to New Orleans
They tell me everything is gonna be all right
But I don't know what "all right" even means
I was riding in a buggy with Miss Mary-Jane
Miss Mary-Jane got a house in Baltimore
I been all around the world, boys
Now I'm trying to get to heaven before they close the door

Gonna sleep down in the parlor
And relive my dreams
I'll close my eyes and I wonder
If everything is as hollow as it seems
Some trains don't pull no gamblers
No midnight ramblers, like they did before
I been to Sugar Town, I shook the sugar down
Now I'm trying to get to heaven before they close the door

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 May 04 - 09:41 PM

I have tried 3 times to post a message to this thread and it WILL NOT go through! Let's see if this one does...

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: flattop
Date: 25 May 04 - 09:33 PM

With whom are you trying to avoid contact? jOhn or the goat?

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: flattop
Date: 25 May 04 - 09:31 PM

Besides, poemtry is about feelings, not what specific animal captures your dreams. You got a Dylan book there in the Orillia library, I can't remember the title. The second chapter get into Dylan's "How does it feel?" Then, for the rest of the book the author keeps going back to, How does it feel? How does it feel? How does it feel?

He thought it was the essence of Dylaning - feelings, not fact, not truth, not precise descriptions of animals, just feelings.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 May 04 - 09:31 PM

When it comes to Hull I think almost anything that moves is in danger of being humped. It's best to drive through with the windows up and the doors locked and not make eye contact.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: flattop
Date: 25 May 04 - 09:23 PM

Ok, you got my goat Little Hawk, you nitpicking ... I can't keep track of what animals they hump in Hull.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 May 04 - 12:01 AM

Say what, flattop?

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: flattop
Date: 24 May 04 - 11:52 PM

Dreamt of a donkey
encountered a bee
jOhn's diary, a

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Metchosin
Date: 24 May 04 - 11:20 PM

well actually the females do McGrath but the males don't. Only pick the bumble bee with a round bum off flowers. If they have a pointed bum, watch out, they're females.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 May 04 - 11:13 PM

No doubt the guy went home and had a big drink of Mad Dog to get over the hare that bit him.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 24 May 04 - 06:52 PM

Big fat hairy bumblebees are the worst. But they don't even have a sting!

(And you'll never get bitten by a bee, John. They can't do that sort of thing.)

(That rhymes, I see. And sort of scans.)

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Wolfgang
Date: 24 May 04 - 06:24 AM

This weekend, in Germany, a hunter was bitten by a hare that only let go when hit with an axe. The creature perhaps did not like hunters.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Sweetfia
Date: 24 May 04 - 06:03 AM

Horses can be dangerous cos of their power and tendency to behave unpredictably...it's usually when you invade their space that they get pissed off. When trying to put a headcollar on one of my fillies she used to respond by trying to bite my face, that was til i twitched the little (she's 16.3hh and i'm only 5ft6") bugger, ha!

Of course, not all horses are dangerous!

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Gareth
Date: 23 May 04 - 04:44 PM

And then there is this - Obviously bit the hand that tried to feed it !

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: ranger1
Date: 23 May 04 - 11:28 AM

Beware the Brown-tail moth caterpillar. A wretched creature with little toxic hairs that cause a nasty, itchy rash and potential breathing problems. Can't even just avoid touching them, either, because as they grow, they shed their skins and the little hairs become airborne, wafting gently in the seabreeze and landing on all and sundry. At the park I work at, we even have to put the toilet paper in plastic containers. AND there's nothing that eats them, because they're an introduced species!!! Pardon me, I now have to go scratch vigorously...

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 May 04 - 02:11 PM

We have tarantulas to do that, Jenny. And house geckos. And snakes. It's pretty amazing out in this yard on the creek. We had a house-guest last night (12-years-old) so took him on the dusk flashlight tour. When he saw that we were all enthusiastic about our critters, he got into the spirit of the tour. We were also able to point out the fireflys and purple martins that thrive here but don't live up in his neighborhood.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: JennyO
Date: 22 May 04 - 03:03 AM

I wish I could train my cat to catch and eat cockroaches. All she is interested in is birds and lizards - poor little things. Can't say I blame her for not wanting to eat the cockroaches though - disgusting critters!

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 04 - 10:02 PM

Cape buffalo and hippopotami. Downright deadly. Won't have 'em around. Glad that there aren't many left in the wild in Idaho.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: GUEST
Date: 21 May 04 - 08:48 PM

Cats.

Well, ONE of mine in particular.

I could end up Prosecuted by Animal rights for the punisment I would like to enact on the p*ssy little b*st*rd.....

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Amergin
Date: 21 May 04 - 08:35 PM

my dogs are pretty dangerous....especially after rolling around in something...

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 21 May 04 - 08:25 PM

Mozzie season is now starting here and I hate the little buggers as I am sensitised to their bites. Tried one of those blue light high voltage killers but I think the mozzies wear sunglasses and ignore it.

Being hot and humid in the summer we get cockroaches coming in from the garden, but the cats like to kill and eat them so no problem there.

Bees I do not mind. They can be deep fried and eaten.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 04 - 08:20 PM

First, find a pet wolverine....and a ten gallon jug of ether...

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 May 04 - 06:06 PM

disregard the teeth shredding your neck while you bang those rocks

I'll get my hat and go now

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 21 May 04 - 05:51 PM

You can also castrate wolverines by sneaking up behind them and clashing two sharp rocks together. It's perfectly painless, unless you get your thumbs between the rocks.

biddum! chuuuuuurrrrr ;o)

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: jimmyt
Date: 21 May 04 - 04:47 PM

I sell a product on neutering your pet wolverine with common kitchen utensils, and if you don't follow the instructions explicitly, it can lead to a very dangerous situation.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Mudlark
Date: 21 May 04 - 12:46 PM

Mmmm...I see this thread is NOT about humans, as I'd originally supposed.

Nearly 13 years on a remote Ozarks farm got me over my fear of all manner of insects...it was that or go crazy. There are lots of different kinds of wasps, most not too nasty. No so, however, the red wasp...always angry! Always aggressive!! Definitely not to be talked out of attacking with soothing assurances that you don't want to hurt them. Preemtive strike! This is the rule they live by, rather like certain administrations...

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 May 04 - 12:42 PM

What's happening to my posts? A great line just vanished!

Rapaire, that's a good slip: "Felix concolor" (felis concolor)

Felix the cat, the wonderful wonderful cat. . .

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: jimmyt
Date: 21 May 04 - 11:56 AM

what about kittens? I received a scratch from one in 1954 when I was holding it too tightly. I have thought of starting a spinoff religion of kitten handlers. Much like snake handlers, except if you do not have enough faith, you would receive a scratch from the kitten you select from the box, rather than a bite from a rattlesnake. Kind of like snakehandlers with trainer wheels. Anyone interested? will need a building, a box of kittens (easily procured) and a few old church pews or folding chairs, plus, and this is important, collection plates.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 04 - 11:10 AM

Don't forget various jellyfish, sea snakes, scorpions, assorted spiders, and suchlike critters.

Mountain lions will bring you down if you run, or bicycle. They think you're prey. To my mind this is not always A Bad Thing. Then again, I kinda like Felix Concolor.

MOST black bears will leave. MOST grizzlies will leave. MOST who don't leave will only feint. There is that 1% in both species who didn't get The Word, however. Jumping naked over a cliff into blackberries or a lake is embarassing, but an excellent solution if you've met one of the Uninformed.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: dianavan
Date: 21 May 04 - 01:18 AM

Fat, hairy bumblebees are totally passive unless, of course. you step on one.

SRS - My mom used to put vanilla behind my ears. It made me smell like cookies. The boys loved it.

Mosquitos? Those citronella candles work pretty good but I still hate the noise in my ear. I'm thinking of making a bat house to keep the population down.

Bears - Very scary. Don't believe it when they say, just make a loud noise and they'll run away! I ended up sharing a berry patch with a bear and I had to jump over a cliff to escape. I was sun bathing and wasn't wearing any clothes. The cliff was covered in black berry brambles. Needless to say, the fishermen who rescued me, could hardly believe their eyes. Scratched, bloody and naked, I had to jump to the bow of their boat. Luckily they gave me a jacket and some beer.

The scariest of all animals is the camel. I ran into one in the Sahara and he looked friendly but he spit at me and tried to kick me. Nasty animals, them camels.

I also hate those creepy vultures. They are so ugly with that red waddle hanging about. Same goes for turkeys.

Sturgeon is by far the ugliest creature on earth. I should be kinder because I hear they are on the endangered list. Too bad, because their eggs are yummy and the meat is delicious, smoked.

Stingrays - Now they are really dangerous!

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 04 - 11:26 PM

GUEST of 08:35 is correct: stobor. Right awful critters. Damn near wiped us out that first year.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 May 04 - 07:42 PM

The first time I was stung by a wasp, I was sick (puked, for our Transponders). The second time I was stung by a wasp, I was sick and fainted, was ill for 3 days and still have the scar. I don't want there to be a third time so it's death to all wasps for me. Especially in March and April when it's going to be a queen looking for a nest site. 500 wasps with one splat!

Whilst it's not nice to kill bees, being as they pollinate stuff for us and make honey, sometimes, it's the only option.

Those UV killer traps are great - a good zap and a wasp can go down with flaming wings like something out of 633 Squadron!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: beardedbruce
Date: 20 May 04 - 05:26 PM

funny you should mention sonnets....

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: 42
Date: 20 May 04 - 05:09 PM

even vogons don't like bees. but where would we bee without them?

j

i met a vogon poet once who wrote a sonnet about bees but I won't reproduce it here since you would all rush out and strangle yourselves to avoid reading it

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Sorcha
Date: 20 May 04 - 01:17 PM

jOhn, on a slightly serious note, if we didn't have bees,we wouldn't have honey, flowers or fruits and veg. They do the pollinating for us.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 May 04 - 12:42 PM

Or until he slipped in the goo and knocked himself out on impact. Bugs that big are awfully messy if you smash them.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Bill D
Date: 20 May 04 - 12:39 PM

bees? pooh! I just wave and shout "bee gone"!

it's a good thing j0hn doesn't have OUR current problem...we have 47,852,214,678 (by latest count) Cicadas "singing" in our area right now. Every 17 years we get them....they are everywhere! j0hn would be squashing bugs till he wore out!

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: GUEST,Sledge
Date: 20 May 04 - 12:20 PM

Would this German chappie Helmut be effective against those falling coconuts.

Cheers

Sledge

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Metchosin
Date: 20 May 04 - 12:06 PM

Gawd, I knew there had to be some justification for smoking, other than keeping the mosquitoes at bay, never thought of that Little Hawk.....good idea.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: jimmyt
Date: 20 May 04 - 12:04 PM

I read somewhere that more people die each year from falling coconuts hitting them on the head than from being attacked by sharks. So it is better to be in the water than walking on the beach...but how this would relate to bees I will defer to John to make the projection.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 May 04 - 12:04 PM

Put a teaspoon of vanilla in a pint of water and spray yourself with it and bugs (mosquitoes, for sure, but perhaps bees also) are repelled. You can spritz it around the porch or patio every so often when you're sitting out. Then you don't need to disturb yourself to grope around for the flyswatter.

Try it out on the dogs! Metchosin, what has gotten into you? Live dangerously, don't test it on the dogs, just tray it on a bear, but be sure you test your electric flyswatter on a black bear, not a griz.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 May 04 - 11:56 AM

Bears are not that easily dissuaded, but I know one guy who dissuaded one by dropping a lit cigar into its open jaws. He was at the top of the smallish tree, and the bear was halfway up it at the time. It worked. The bear departed in a hurry.

Raptor - If you want to get a "Helmut" you usually have to go to Germany for that.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Metchosin
Date: 20 May 04 - 11:52 AM

Bumble bees are just cute little fur balls. When I was very small, I used to pick them off the flowers with my wee fingers and never got stung once. The trick is convincing them you mean them no harm.

Flies.......flies are another matter. I have an electric fly swatter shaped like a tennis racquet. Sometimes if you hit 'em just right, you can make them explode with a loud crack of white sparks........very exhilarating!

Come to think of it, I think I'm a far more dangerous animal than a bee, I kill for the shear sport of it.

Maybe you could disuade a bear with an electric fly swatter, if you tapped it on his wet nose. I should try it out on the dogs first to see if it works.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: GUEST,Buzz
Date: 20 May 04 - 11:38 AM

I don't bee-lieve it!

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 May 04 - 10:56 AM

Bears (not beers) are dangerous. One showed up in my neighborhood on Monday - a residential area. The police had a tranquilizer gun but no one knew how to use it (scary, no?) so they killed it.
I rather like bees.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 20 May 04 - 10:36 AM

bee-nine is a vitamin! The one to watch out for is bee-damned!

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: GUEST
Date: 20 May 04 - 10:29 AM

While they may sting you, I've always thought of them as quite Beenign :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Jackie in the Green
Date: 20 May 04 - 10:00 AM

I dedicate this song to the late bee, so cruelly robbed of his little life, and to jOhn, who I'm sure, loved the bee carnally.

Eric the Half a Bee, by Eric Idle and John Cleese.

Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee has got to be
Vis a vis, its entity. D'you see?

But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee
When half the bee is not a bee
Due to some ancient injury?

La dee dee, one two three,
Eric the half a bee.
A B C D E F G,
Eric the half a bee.

Is this wretched demi-bee,
Half-asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric the half a bee!

Fiddle de dum, Fiddle de dee,
Eric the half a bee.
Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
Eric the half a bee.

I love this hive, employee-ee,
Bisected accidentally,
One summer afternoon by me,
I love him carnally.

He loves him carnally,
Semi-carnally.

And in the immortal words of the great John Shuttleworth:

Go down on your knee to the honey bee
For she is very nice,
Before you hit her with a rolled up Mirror,
Think twice,
How will that bee's mother feel
When she finds out her child is a ghost,
Kill the bee,
And ultimately,
You'll have nothing to spread on your toast.

Think on jOhn.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Raptor
Date: 20 May 04 - 09:44 AM

New commandment "thou shall not kill(unless you get the hee-bee-gee-bees)"

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Raptor
Date: 20 May 04 - 09:38 AM

I hate to say it but that is the quintesential wimpyness you pussy!

Afraid of someting that is smaller than yer thumbnail!

Get a helmut!

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 May 04 - 09:26 AM

Wasps, bees, spiders... Hah!!! Forget 'em! Ladybugs! Now there's something to be afraid of!!! Sure, they don't bite and they're cute and they eat aphids and all that goody stuff, but that's the trouble. Nobody ever kills ladybugs so they just keep multiplying and multiplying and before you know it there are so many of them that they outweigh the rest of the entire planet and that causes the Earth to shift in its orbit and go crashing into the Sun which causes the Sun to explode into a giant Nova destroying the rest of the planets in the Solar System and leaving our part of the Universe uninhabitable to every race except Vogons for millions of years.

Ladybugs! Yechhhh!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 20 May 04 - 08:46 AM

for those with allergies to bee or wasp venom having one loose in a room is no joking matter.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 May 04 - 08:40 AM

Another splendid try jOhn, but it didn't work. I suggest you try a thread entitled "Animals that aren't dangerous in the least".

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 20 May 04 - 08:39 AM

Big fat hairy bumblebees are the worst.

I agree with jOhn, where I come from we don't capture insects in boxes to release them again outside - we squash them. And fly-swatters are not meant for gently coaxing flies away - they are for swatting the bejeesus out of them. And those sticky papers etc are not there for decoration.

My son emigrated to Australia. The first time I visited he said "Dad, sorry, you can't sleep in the guest room". "Why?" I enquired; he replied "Last night we found there a white-tailed-something-or-other spider, for which there is no anti-venom. The trouble is, they go in pairs, and we only found the one...". I tell you, I nearly headed for the airport there and then.

And mozzies too. They annoy like hell during the night, give you itchy bites, perhaps something nasty along with that also. Do I get up in the night with a little plastic box to capture it and release it outside?

Like hell I do.

But I like to think myself as humane too. So I bought an electric insect zapper. It has an ultraviolet light to attract them towards a mesh with high voltage. Stick it outside, and you can have your beer or BBQ in the summer evenings without being molested by insects. The zapping sound can be offputting, I grant you that. But it's quick.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: GUEST
Date: 20 May 04 - 08:35 AM

stobor

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 20 May 04 - 08:11 AM

And what about ants, harken the story of ' Squatter and the Ant ' by
Derek and Clive.
Very dangerous.
eric

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: ced2
Date: 20 May 04 - 06:31 AM

Llamas are fearsome animals... Mr Python had a item showing the valour of people who had to keep them under control.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 May 04 - 02:16 AM

i bet all them animal rights people will start moaning now, but i;m not bothred, beees are to dangerous to take chances with.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: GUEST
Date: 20 May 04 - 02:08 AM

To bee or not to bee, that is Johns question.

Subject: RE: BS: Dangerous animals
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 May 04 - 02:03 AM

i heard tyhat bees can give you a hart attack etc, so i gl;ad i killed it, serves it right, bloody basterd bee, got no right to bee in my kitchen.

Subject: Obit: Dangerous animals
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 May 04 - 01:37 AM

Today, there was a bee in my kitchen, so i killed it, i sqwashed it with a pan, in case it bit me], waht do you think about this, i dont like bee's, they are too dangerous.