Song Challenge! Part 97

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Áine
Date: 11 Jun 04 - 03:26 PM

Hello again, Dear Challenge!rs ;-) If you're one of our 'old timers', you'll remember the Easter Bonnet Special Song Challenge! Part 11, which involved the City Council of Gretna, Louisiana voting to keep the tradition of panty-throwing alive during Mardi Gras (. . . we're pro-panties -- it's on the record). Well, how things have changed in the past four years!

Here, to give your creative brain cells a bit of a ping, is the following real life story. So, get out your pens and paper and start slinging those songs -- but hold on to your pants!!

Talk About Gettin' A Hitch In Your Gettyup! (May 2004) In a state where the best Mardi Gras beads go to women who flash their breasts during parades comes a legislator who wants to ban low-riding pants that reveal underwear or the "cleft of the buttocks." "In our society, we have a line of decency that should not be crossed — and that line starts around the waist area," the bill's sponsor, Democratic state Rep. Derrick Shepherd, said recently on the Louisiana House floor.

If the bill becomes law, violators who publicly and "intentionally expose any portion of the pubic hair, cleft of the buttocks or genitals" may face a $175 fine or 24 hours of community service.

The Louisiana chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union opposes the measure as a violation of free expression and one that is ripe for selective enforcement by police. "It's stupid," Louisiana ACLU executive director Joe Cook said. "There are more serious problems for the state than sagging pants. It makes us a laughingstock."

The bill, introduced last month, has been mocked on Comedy Central's "The Daily Show," which aired a segment called "Thong of the South." Headline writers from as far away as Australia are having a heyday with lines about "cheeky" legislation and a "crackdown" on low-rise pants. But supporters of the bill recently told legislators that the clothing style is no joke.

Some people "purposefully expose their private parts," Opelousas Police Chief Larry Caillier said. "You've taken this in a jovial manner, but you don't see what we see, you don't have to look at that."

Glenn Green — a city councilman from a New Orleans suburb that in the past tried to enact a similar ordinance — said the state "should be able to say what is moral, what is decent and what is acceptable behavior for young people," he said.

Rep. Danny Martiny, Republican chairman of the House Criminal Justice Committee, agreed with the idea but said the law is unenforceable. "I don't know that it's respectful to pay my respects at a funeral without my shirt on, but that's not illegal; that's just stupid," he said. "Government can't fix anything." The bill was passed by the committee last week and is awaiting a full House vote.

GO FOR IT, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jun 04 - 04:39 PM

What I want to know is what Derrick Shepherd intends to do about all the butt-crack-exposed plumbers who will suddenly find themselves outlawry!! The shame of it!! They'll have to go back to scraping by chasing ambulances or working as State Congressmen!!

Well, I dunno. The world is getting loopy faster than I can keep up with it!! But there will be a song with this one, I am sure! I'll chew on it a bit and letcha know.

Dang good spotting!! Wotta story!!


A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jun 04 - 11:52 PM

Revealing the Great Divide

(Tune: Across the Great Divide, Kate Wolf)
(Click above to play)



I've been walking this highway line
Bagging litter for my county service time
Orange jumpsuit is all I have to show
For deciding to wear my pants down low

I've been sifting roadside trash
Been in trouble since the sheriff saw my ass
Just a po' boy from a bayou town,
Looking chic by letting pants hang down

CH:   But now I see how it's gotta be
       Now I find myself sorry I defied
       The cop who warned me not to
       Reveal the Great Divide

My dad was a plumber, to the end
And I grew up serving as a plumber's friend
And he showed his butt crack every day --
So I guess I thought it was the nach'l way

But when I moved to New Orleans
Thought I'd see some of those boob-exposin' queens
Found they had changed things on the left
Outlawed folks from even showin' a little cleft!

CH:   But now I see how it's gotta be
       Now I find myself sorry I defied
       The cop who warned me not to
       Reveal the Great Divide

All I wanted was to score
Thought I'd work it like I'd done a dozen times before
If the saggy style made them glow,
Then down the streets in lowslung pants I 'd go!

But somehow here, things have changed
And the people here dress all uptight and strange
When the local sheriff saw my butt was draggin'
He threw it into the back of his hurry up wagon

CH:   And now I see how it's gotta be
       Now I find myself sorry I defied
       The cop who warned me not to
       Reveal the Great Divide

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 04 - 12:12 AM

(Last line of last verse should read he threw it into the back of his hurry-up wagon. Thanks.)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: DonD
Date: 13 Jun 04 - 02:25 PM

I haven't picked a tune yet, but I want to claim first dibs on the other side of the coin: the banning of pubic hair! I'm amazed that those ractionary boys down in Dixie who are so much in favor of a little Bush are now so opposed to a little bush.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 04 - 02:45 PM

Every bush has its place, y'know. :>)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 12:17 PM

Awright, you louts!! Get out those quills and sharpen 'em!! Geeze -- this is a CLASSIC Challenge.

Just because we have a Republic in office is no reason to let yourself be terrorized!! Get out and write up a song or two!!

DonD, I don't know if the rules allow you to put dibs on a topic or subtopic. I would think such a practice would have a chilling effect on the feverish stew of co-creativity these things usually engender...
Ah, well, the Goddess shall ordain...but there's more thasn enough hilarious thoughts to go around in this one!! :>)

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: C-flat
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 12:47 PM

Way down South in Louisiana
folks take pride in their dress and their manner
and if you follow their code you surely can't go wrong
Hitch up your horse and hitch up your pants
it's "crack-down" time, we'll make a stance
and join together in our campaign song

Jimmy's crack's showing and he don't care
Jimmy's crack's showing and he don't care
if he keeps showing his pubic hair
He's going to go to jail!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 12:54 PM

Hahahaha!!!

I loves it!!


A

Subject: looks like the law passed
From: GUEST,Sigurd
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 05:39 PM

http://www.realstupidnews.com/cheeky_louisana.html
CHEEKY LOUISIANA LAW BANS PANTS THAT SHOW BUTT CRACK
04/23/04   NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana

The Louisiana legislature passed a bill this week forbidding Louisianans from wearing pants that expose the wearer's underwear or buttocks.

The bill, aimed at teens who mimic the low-riding pants of pop music stars like Nelly and Britney Spears, has already had some unforeseen consequences, beginning with a lawsuit by the Plumber's Union (PU) Local 327.

"Butt crack exposure is a non-negotiable issue for our members," explained PU shop steward Dirk Valley. "It's an integral part of who we are as plumbers. You might as well ask cocktail waitresses to cover their cleavage. Or Kirk Douglas to cover his cleft chin."

Bill sponsor Prudence "Prude" Shepherd told our RealStupid reporter that "the community is outraged" by young men who expose the top of their boxer shorts and young women who expose their butt cracks. But an informal poll suggests otherwise; nine out of ten Louisianans surveyed neither support nor oppose the law, but rather "Don't Care."

Among those who do care are an outspoken group of civil libertarians. The National Organization for Constitutional Liberties Unlimited (NOCLU) has promised to aggressively fight the new law, claiming that butt cleavage exposure is "exactly the kind of free expression envisioned by our Founding Fathers when they designed the Bill of Rights."

Also strongly opposing the law are all straight males between 13 and 19 years of age, dirty old men, and the makers of Doctor Derriere's Antiseptic Butt Floss.

Louisiana native Britney Spears has thrown her weight behind the opposition in a characteristically shrewd way--she's bankrolling a Brooke Shields-inspired anti-drug public service campaign that features her butt crack and the message, "Lips that smoke crack, will never touch mine."

©2004 RealStupidNews.com

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 05:49 PM

"Butt crack exposure is a non-negotiable issue ofr our members,"

After all what will we do with all our members if we can't find an appropriate crack?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 07:13 PM

Buy stock in flesh-colored Silly Putty, eh??


A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: DonD
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 09:57 PM

The Big Rocks-in-the-Head Legislator

One sunny day in the month of May,
When the temperatures were a-spikin'
There in Baton Rouge, a bluenose scrooge
Said there's something I'm not likin'!
I think it's wrong to see the thong
On any young hunk or honey
And if I have my way, it'll be a year and a day
If you show your butt-crack, sunny.

CHORUS

Oh, no belly buttons please
And skirts below the knees
And your pubic hairs I'm a-countin'
If I see even one, exposed to the sun
You're breakng rocks out on the mountain!

Yes the cops will hunt for fuzz in front
And then they'll check out tushes;
God help those they find,
Who let the sun shine
On their butt-cracks or their bushes!
A terrorist may flaunt his list
Of places up which he plans on blowing,
Louisiana cops won't care, if one pubic hair
Or butt-crack may be showing.

CHORUS

At Mardi Gras it's: "Show us your tits!"
And the girls are all complying,
But the bluenose rubes don't mind the boobs
As long as butt-cracks they're not spying.
The morality in New Orleans
Is sure a thing of wonder
They've drawn the line, navel to spine
That your waistline can't go under!

CHORUS

Oh, folks are split, that's at the bottom of it,
About this legislative decision.
No ifs, ands or butts, some say it's nuts
To make an issue of the division.
Sweat rolls down your back
Into your crack in the Delta's steamy weather;
I hope we'll be free to always see
Where the two halves come together.

CHORUS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 10:45 PM

LOL!! Bravo!! Well done, Don D! And thanks, Sigurd!! The Gaelic Goddess will be proud...




A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 15 Jun 04 - 12:56 PM

FORGIVE ME KATE SMITH!
(to the tune of "When the moon comes over the mountain")

When the moon shines under your waistline
Every glimpse brings a dream, dear, of you
And oh! as you stroll, how your gluteus rolls!
And sweat beads your valley like dew.

My day it is grey and dreary
But your moonshine is bright and cheery
When the moon shines under your waistline
Leave me alone with my memories of you

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: GUEST,Paranoid Android
Date: 15 Jun 04 - 08:53 PM

If your little thong doesn't cover your thing and conceal your venus crack
We'll have to rush to cover your bush and bring knicker elastic back
If your arse is bare or your pubic hair should flash in the noonday sun
Then the vice squad cop will cause you to stop with a wave of his naked gun.
You will be strip searched and your name besmirched and your pubes sent to the lab
And a picture of your cheeks will be displayed for weeks on Weightwatchers wall of flab.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Genie
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 01:01 AM

Haul 'Em Up, Joe
New lyrics: Genie; Tune: Haul Away, Joe

Never thought me pants were lewd, but now the mayor's told me,
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."
That if I did not hoist me drawers, the law would blameful hold me.
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."

Chorus

Once I was like a Sherman tank, wi' tool belt kept all handy,
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."
But now the tire's around me waist, they say me tool's a' randy.
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."

Chorus:
Hey! Haul 'em up! Don't wanna shock the grannies!
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."
"Hey! Haul 'em up!! Can't show yer nooks an' crannies!
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."

They're saying any gentleman would not flash decent people.
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."
But when a tradesman's squattin' low, yer starin' down a deep hole.
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."

Chorus

Madonna was a queen a' dancin' like to prostitution.
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."
But Shepherd says "No drawers chopped off! -- We'll change the constitution!
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."

Chorus

Glenn Green and Larry Caillier say here in Opelousas
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."
Plumbers' cleavage makes ya puke, young ladies' stirs yer juices!
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."

Chorus

Once it was in New Orleans we'd dig the thong-clad lasses.
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."
But no more wearin' skanky slips, revealin' southern assets.
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."

Chorus

The ACLU and Martiny say taste's not legislatable.
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."
If guys can't ogle real life chicks, they'll turn to the inflatable!
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."

Last chorus:

Hey, haul 'em up, yer rocks and roll now cover!
"Hey Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."
Hey, haul 'em up -- we're not yer bloody lover!

Original song:
Haul Away, Joe
When I was a little lad and so me mother told me,
Way haul away, we'll haul away Joe.
That if I did not kiss the girls me lips would grow all moldy.
Way haul away, we'll haul away Joe.

Way haul away, we'll haul for better weather.
Away haul away, we'll haul away Joe.
Way haul away, we'll haul away together.
Away haul away, we'll haul away Joe.

King Louis was the king of France before the revolution.
And then he got his head chopped off it spoiled his constitution

Saint Patrick was a gentleman. He came from decent people.
He built a church in Dublin town and on it put a steeple.

Once I was in Ireland a'digging turf and taties.
But now I'm on a Yankee ship a'hauling on the braces.

Once I had a German girl but she was fat and lazy.
But now I got a Yankee girl, she damn near drives me crazy.

Way haul away, rock and roll me over
Way haul away, well roll me in the clover.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Áine
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 01:03 PM

Wow! I'm impressed by all of the offerings for this Challenge! I see it's time I got to throwing out the B.L.O.B.s, so here goes ;-)

To Amos, for this wonderful chorus:

But now I see how it's gotta be
       Now I find myself sorry I defied
       The cop who warned me not to
       Reveal the Great Divide

To C-flat, for this unforgettable toe-tapper:

Jimmy's crack's showing and he don't care
Jimmy's crack's showing and he don't care
if he keeps showing his pubic hair
He's going to go to jail!

To DonD, for this fantastic double entendre filled verse:

Oh, folks are split, that's at the bottom of it,
About this legislative decision.
No ifs, ands or butts, some say it's nuts
To make an issue of the division.
Sweat rolls down your back
Into your crack in the Delta's steamy weather;
I hope we'll be free to always see
Where the two halves come together.

To MMario, for this newly penned classic:

When the moon shines under your waistline
Every glimpse brings a dream, dear, of you
And oh! as you stroll, how your gluteus rolls!
And sweat beads your valley like dew.

To Paranoid Android for this bit of bullish bull:

You will be strip searched and your name besmirched and your pubes sent to the lab
And a picture of your cheeks will be displayed for weeks on Weightwatchers wall of flab.

And to Genie, for this genius of rollicking rhyme:

The ACLU and Martiny say taste's not legislatable.
"Hey! Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."
If guys can't ogle real life chicks, they'll turn to the inflatable!
"Hey! Haul 'em up! Well, haul 'em up, Joe."

Way to go, Challenge!rs -- Your collective wit and talent never cease to amaze!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 01:32 PM

Wow!!! What a mess o'talent.   Thanks so kindly, Miss Goddess! :>)


A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Genie
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 04:20 PM

Thankee so much, Ms. Annieyah, Ma'am!

Got some wunnerful wit here at the 'cat!

But how's come my formatting looked fine in the preview yestiddy -- complete with boldface & italics -- but now it's all messed up with " " scattered ev'where?? (Where are those handy li'l clones when ya needs 'em? Hint, hint.) :)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 05:00 PM

I think it has to do with pasting from the Source page using Netscape. No idea why those HTML-coded spaces get turned into literals...


A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 01:44 PM

My recommendation, if you're formatting elsewhere and pasting here, is that you take advantage of the "preview" facility before you finally submit it.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 01:45 PM

Uncle Dave - she *did* preview.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 02:12 PM

velly stlange...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 97
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 02:14 PM

but innnnnnnterrressting!