Lyr Add: The Toon Improvement Bill

Subject: Lyr Add: The Toon Improvement Bill
From: *#1 PEASANT*
Date: 17 Jun 04 - 07:04 PM

The Toon Improvement Bill
or, Ne Pleyce Noo Te Play

The forth and Spital were favorite places of recreation for the yong. Belonging to the town, they were open to all; and the scene they presented is faithfully described in the song. On them the Central Station and its approaches now stand.

Noo, O dear me, what mun aw de?
Aw've ne place noo te play,
Wor canny Forth, an' Spital tee,
Eh, man! they've tyuen away.

Ne Place te bool wor peyste eggs noo,
Te lowp the frog, or run:
They're elways beeldin summick noo-
They'll spoil Newcassel suen.

Spoken- Thor's ne pleyce te play the wag noo; the grun's a' tuen up wi' High Levels, Central Stations, an' dear knaws what else.
Aw used te play the wag doon the Kee thonder. Aw've seen me fish for days tegither. The lads ca'd me the fisherwoman's boy. Aw was a stunner. Aw've mony a time browt up three French apples at a time; but wor aud wife said if aw fell in an' gat drooned she'd skin me alive when aw com hyem; so aw played the wag doon the Burn efter that. But, noo to myek improvemints, they've filled it up wi' cairt loads o' muck te beeld hooses on. Sum o' wor lads an me petitioned the magistrates for a new play gurund, and they tell'd us te gan te bordin' skeuls. What an idea! Wor aud wife hes sair tues to raise the penny for Monday mornin's: the maister seldom gets it tho': aw buy claggum wid: then the maister hes te tyek'd oot in flaps. But aw's broken hearted when aw think aboot wor canny Forth, wiv its aud brick wall. What curious days aw've spent there! Man aw've seen me paly the wag for hyel days tegither, wi' maw mooth a' covered wi' claggum an' clarts. What a chep aw was for one-hole teazer then! mony a time aw've fowt and oor for a farden bullocker. Aw used te skin thor knockles, when aw won mee beeks. Aw used te fullock-man, what a fullocker aw was! But what's the use o'jawin noo? the gams are a'gyen. Thor's widdy-widdy-way-the-morrow's-the-market-day-slyater-cummin-away and King Henry's-boys-go-round-what a gam that was!-aw used te be King Henry! But aw'd better drop off, or maw feelin's will set me on a bubblin'-for

Chorus

Oh dear! what mun aw de?
Aw've ne pleyce noo te play,
Wor canny Forth, an' Spital tee,
Eh, man! they've tyuen away.

The toon Improvemint's myed greet noise,
But aw heard me fethur say,
Thor was summick mair than little boys
Kept wor wise heed at play;
Thor's bonny wark among thorsels,
But aw mun haud mee jaw;
But still thor's folks 'boot here that smells
The cash buik wiv its flaw.

Spoken- Aw heard my fethur thell my muther yen need all aboot the toon concerns. They thowt aw was asleep, but aw's a cute lad. Aw's elways waken when the tripe's fryin' for fethur's supper. Aw heard him say thor was a vast o' rates- sic as poor rates, leet rates, sewer rates, an' watch rates; but aw think at only rate, thor's ne first-rate rates amang them .Noo, thor's the watch-rate- that's the pollis. Noo, we cannit de wivoot pollis, but it's not fair te tyek a chep up for playin' at holse; but the magistrators isn't dein' fair wiv us at nowt. Aw's lossin' a' maw learning' noo. What a heed-piece aw had yen time! Aw'd te use a shoe-horn te put my Sunday hat on, my heed gat swelled wiv knowledge se. Noo, a' thor days is gyen, so aw'll lairn te chow backy.

For, O dear me, etc.

Bedstocks-that canny gam's noo duen,
An' three hole teazer, tee;
They've duen away wor best o' fun,
So, lads what mun aw de?
Aw;'ll bubble tiv aw dee, begox!
Or tyek sum arsynack,
Then corporation men may fun,
When aw's laid on maw back.

For, O dear me, etc.

Noo a' ye canny folks tha'ts here,
Just think on what aw say.
And reckolect yor youthful days,
When ye were fond o' play.
Ye say yor skuel days was the best,
So help me in maw cawse,
An' cheer poor Bobby Snivvelnose
By gi'en him yor applause,

For, O dear me, etc.

-Corvan