BS: Hull Farting Club

Subject: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 02:49 PM

New club, just opened, first meeting is tommorow, at The Marlborough Club, Chanterlands Ave, Hull, starts at 9pm, free admission, all welcome.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: greg stephens
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 02:53 PM

MISS MISS MISS!!
SIR JOHN'S SAID A NAUGHTY WORD

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: CarolC
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 02:54 PM

Don't forget your tuners and capos.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 03:05 PM

Mind if I start an associated group here John?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 03:31 PM

Save gas, fart in a bottle.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 03:58 PM

There was a young farter from Hull,
Whose life was growing quite dull.
   So he started a club,
   But soon found the rub-
The room emptied when e're he was full.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: GUEST,confused
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 04:05 PM

CarolC: Instructions please, on how to use a capo and tuner to improve(?) change chord(?) tune(?) farts?? Or have you been talking to Spaw???

Inquiring minds want to know...

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Tweed
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 04:08 PM

I habv noticed thet English peoples habv more gas than other peoples. It seems they are farting on the tv and now thar is this. Whut causes this phermonimum? Iz it the beer over thar or the boiled potaters?

Good luck Sir jOhn9 form hull. I hope it iz a gret success. Is it a smoking allowed sorta place?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Once Famous
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 04:56 PM

This thread smells.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 05:10 PM

A sigh is an expression that comes from the heart.
If it's expressed downwards, it becomes something else.

An interesting thread...Should be dedicated to Joseph Pujol who lived and worked in France in the last quarter of the 19th c. He performed at the Moulin Rouge, at one point, and gave private audience to Prince Albert (much to queen Victorias disgust) He was known as "Le Petomane" or translated "The farter". He could imitate machine gun fire and artillery fire...could fart the Marsellaise and many other tunes, making himself a small fortune in the process.
A film was made of his exploits and starred Leonard Rossiter as "Le Petomane"...If you can get hold of the film, please do watch it ....it is so funny.
Be Blessed

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 05:17 PM

The history of le Petomaine has been discussed several times on past threads.

John, I recommend non-smoking, or perhaps smoking only in a no-farting section. Public safety must come first!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: ced2
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 05:22 PM

On the banks of the 'umber int' rain,
A young farter lit up his methane,
It bew off his 'ead,
Which left 'im quite dead,
But the pong, nay stench, still remain.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 05:47 PM

Will beans and curry be served in the break?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Rasener
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 05:52 PM

This thread is a load of shite

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: CarolC
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 06:19 PM

Confused (or stunned?) you just read the instructions that come with them. Silly. But make sure you get the right size.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 07:20 PM

'tuners' in this case, are usually only a piece of wood plug with a hole in the center...(sometimes cork, though it doesn't hold up long)...different size holes in the plug vary the tone.

Now, I, being a woodturner, could fashion an elongated plug, with a center bore and holes drilled along the length..(why, yes...MUCH like a wooden flute, now that you ask!)..this would allow simple tunes to be played, much like an ocarina. If you will send me the size of the orfice, and a tightness quotient (1=snug, 2=tight, 3=permanent) I will endeavor to produce a personalized instrument of an appropriate wood that withstands moisture and chemicals. Teak is good for beginners, Lignam vitae for advanced "pooters", and several rare specialty woods for those who consider going Professional.

prices dependant on size and wood...

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: darkriver
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 08:57 PM

Bill D.,

would the specialty woods include shittah or shittimwood?

Thanks.

Doug

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: GUEST,Paul from Hull sans biscuit
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 09:54 PM

Well, cant make it in the near future, but this sounds like an event I'll HAVE to attend at some point!

...but stay upwind & outside the blast radius folks, as I smoke too....

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 10:05 PM

heloo PAul, your up late, [its 3am in themorning here]!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 30 Jun 04 - 10:08 PM

anyway=i thhink you should go, as you are the only hull mudcat person, that i have not met in real life.

Les met you, he told me one day, he said "i saw paul from hull in town the other day, he was buying some stuff" [that was a while ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 12:54 AM

The first mate's name was Carter,
By Gawd, he was a farter!
When the ship couldn't go
'Cause the wind wouldn't blow,
They got Carter the Farter to start 'er.

From HMS Pinafore or something....


Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Gurney
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 03:56 AM

From 'The Good Ship Venus', Seamus.

Sir jOhn? Sir jOhn? Did you kneel before HRH, after what you've said about royalty in past threads? I HAD formed the opinion that you had principles.

An opening here for a bartender with no sense of smell.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 03:58 AM

Quercus is OK for me Bill D, or any suitable hardwood.
Giok
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 04:19 AM

Surely it should be renamed . THE KINGSTON UPON HULL LEPETOMIE MEMORIAL FARTING CLUB

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: el ted
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 04:44 AM

What an offensive thread! I will certainly not be polluting my lungs by putting in a superstar guest appearance at this place!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 05:30 AM

I hope that it's strictly NO SMOKING.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 05:34 AM

In order to be in good "voice" a visit to the Curry Ship is recommended first. Do they serve a vindaloo-strength Channa Dhal ?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: el ted
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 05:36 AM

Come and trump along with us a week on friday (july 16th) at

                  SINGAROUND/FREAK OUT
             THE BLACKSMITHS ARMS
               FARLINGTON
                near YORK
                YO61 6NW
free CAMPING/TOILETS/HOT WATER/ BBQ facilities.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 06:13 AM

Theres a town oop near 'uddersfield called Fartown. In fact some famous (so famous I can't remember his name) Rugby League chappie wanted to call his racehorse Fartowner and the Jockey Club objected.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: GUEST,Sir Bufty of Tufty
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 07:00 AM

Congratulations on your Knighthood and MBE Sir jOhn, and not before time. Were your honours for services to literacy like wot mine was?

Sir Bufty of Tufty.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: GUEST,Noddy
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 11:40 AM

A young hellion from Hull, name of Bart
Had never been taught how to fart
The pressure inside
Expanded his hide
Till one sad day it blew him apart

The report, like a great clap of thunder
Was considered a crude social blunder
When it ruptured his spleen
With a sound quite obscene
And then blew him completely asunder

'Twas a miserable fate don't you think?
Fit to cause men to shiver and shrink
At the grave consequence
Of an arse over-tense
And his death raised a terrible stink!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Rasener
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 11:57 AM

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 12:25 PM

Gurney, thanks for the correction.
My instinct told me that Gilbert O' Sullivan didn't write it.

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 02:12 PM

Good God Man ! Are you serious I thought I saw in in Sullivan's "A Gassing I Shall Go"

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: ced2
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 03:22 PM

A phart it is a pleasant thing, it gives the bowels ease,
It warms the bedclothes up at night, and suffocates the fleas.
W. Shakespear Walter that is, not Will.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 03:32 PM

To the tune of Gloria Gaynor's - 'I Will Survive'....

First I was afraid, I was petrified
I could feel a strange commotion deep in my backside
I had spent so many nights trying to contain the pong
But I grew strong
And my arse burst into song
And so my gas
Had come to pass
As long as I know how to fart the world can kiss my ass
I got all my life to live
I got all my wind to give
It's fun to fart
It's fun to fart

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 04:30 PM

I've heard the reports!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 04:42 PM

darkriver...umm..that is usually called "Chittamwood" or Gum Bumelia, but I like the idea! *grin*

Giok..!! gotta be careful..Quercus rubra leaks!..now Quercus alba, might be "okey"..

"Honey from the honeycomb
Water from the fountain.
Whiskey from the White Oak barrel-
Wild Rose of the Mountain"

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Gray D
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 07:18 PM

My family think that I should get a residency at the club.

Now then, this phenomenon - "Trapped wind" - that they keep advertising the medicines for . . . anyone got any idea what that might be ????

Gray D

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 08:06 PM

a politician with tape on his mouth?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: GUEST,Paul from Hull sans biscuit
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 10:27 PM

'ello Sir John,

Yeah, was at werk (am now too)

Its been a while since I bumped into Les, but I'm determined to get to SOME folky evening sometime soon.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 10:29 PM

your at work now?
[its 3.30am in the morning], waht do you do, your either a copper an ambulance bloke, a fire man, a baker, or a petrol forecourt bloke, or a security man.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 01 Jul 04 - 10:32 PM

anyway= did you knmow that night shift workers are 7 times more likey to get divorced, and will probably die 5 years younger than daytime workers?
[i think its 5, might be 10],
i bet thats cheered you up!

higher incidence of depression, and cancers as well, [especially stomach cancer].

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 03:39 AM

Right then, lets get straight to the point. FARTING - I LOVE IT. Okay, I know it can be embarrassing, smelly, noisy and a definite no-no when you're having a shag......but let's face it, we all do it and it can be hysterically funny, very entertaining and an excellent party piece.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: GUEST,cracker
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 04:37 AM

Well! this thread has certainly come up trumps!
Sorry for the delay in posting - i only just got wind of it!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: GUEST,Windy Miller
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 05:58 AM

Were you in that film 'A Mighty Wind'?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 06:48 AM

Farting with style takes practice,
Perfection takes time, its a gift,
You've first got to learn all the basics,
Like pushing one out in a lift.

Those silent but violent are classics,
With friends it's a really good game,
Fart in a crowd at a party,
Then watch to see who gets the blame.

Now once your technique has been mastered,
You'll know what your bottom can do,
But ALWAYS remember - don't push too hard,
Coz one day you might follow through !!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 06:59 AM

See if you can get backing from the Green Party - after all you'd be providing at least two forms of renewable energy - Wind Power and Gas. On the other hand, do farts damage the ozone layer ?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: ossonflags
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 07:34 AM

I can light farts, me.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: JennyO
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 10:06 AM

50 posts - thankyou.

Jenny (a blow-in from Oz)

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: el ted
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 10:22 AM

Rats!! I was too slow! I have only bagged a couple of 100th posts this week.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 10:37 AM

Careful of the blowbacks, Osson. I witnessed a horrible episode at Ripon Grammar School. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it...

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 11:02 AM

Lighting farts is one way to get the hair off your bum !

I've farted, I've farted, I've made a trouser cough,
I've whistled in me Y-Fronts, I've just peeled one off,
I've blown my bowel bugle, I've ben eating peas.
I've broken wind, I've dropped my guts.
Someone open a window please.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: ossonflags
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 11:58 AM

Aware of that Deanie old bean , have done the risk assesment.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Sweetfia
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 04:48 PM

Eww!! Farting is gross! You lot are sick!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Jul 04 - 06:16 PM

...but it's better than pain and/or exploding! *grin*

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Gurney
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 07:36 AM

Silly place to hold it, anyway, a club. Should hold it in a public library, or a lift, as above.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull Farting Club
From: Sonnet
Date: 03 Jul 04 - 02:10 PM

Have you considered booking The Windy Bottom Kazoo Ensemble?

JMcS