BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?

Subject: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Zhenya
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 05:15 PM

When you get an invitation, do you respond, whether or not you're going? I've noticed that many people don't. (Has happened to myself as well as to friends.) To me, it seems the courteous thing to let someone know as soon as you know your plans, even if you have to say no. Am I expecting too much here? Does it matter whether you invited them by e-mail, on paper, or spoke to them by phone or in person? Is it just hard for some people to say no, so they'd rather avoid the issue altogether?

I'm curious: What do you do when you're the one getting the invitation, and how do you feel if you're the one doing the inviting and people don't respond?

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 05:19 PM

I always respond to people I know and/or like. Others ... not necessarily.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Once Famous
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 05:25 PM

Yep, depends who is doing the inviting.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Wesley S
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 05:36 PM

We RSVP. But it seems like a lot of people don't - it's as if they're holding out for a better offer.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: open mike
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 05:44 PM

maybe it would suffice to attach an R.S.V.P. to the invite
then people would know that that is what you want.
it stands for respond, if you please in french.
Responde si vous ple ...or something like that..
myabe those who don't respond, don't please..

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Peace
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 05:46 PM

If ya want a response, include a stamped and addressed envelope or a phone number. If they don't RSVP, don't invite 'em again.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 05:51 PM

That's "Respondez, s'il vous plait".

And it's simply the courteous thing to do.

How would you feel if you were planning a large gathering and half the people didn't tell you whether they were coming or not until they showed up?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: kendall
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 05:56 PM

Always.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 06:37 PM

Yes. Unless it's obviously a profit-making scheme of some sort.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 06:58 PM

What Rapaire so eloquently said.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: GUEST,Peter from Essex
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 07:05 PM

If it is a private invitation then always. If it is a commercial organisation then only if I am accepting.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Zany Mouse
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 07:58 PM

Always. My mother would come back to haunt me if I didn't!!!

Rhiannon

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 20 Jul 04 - 02:36 AM

Always. But I prefer VSOP.

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: semi-submersible
Date: 20 Jul 04 - 05:04 AM

I always intend to. If there's a phone number included, I'm a lot more likely to succeed.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: mooman
Date: 20 Jul 04 - 06:24 AM

Always. It's a matter of courtesy.

Peace

moo

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: JennyO
Date: 20 Jul 04 - 09:57 AM

Strange thing I have noticed is that when I invite a bunch of people, the ones who can't come reply to say they can't, complete with excuse, and very few of the ones who can come bother to reply - they just turn up. Maybe they assume I am expecting them anyway. Anyone else notice this? I wish they would though, as it makes it hard to know how many to plan for.

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 20 Jul 04 - 10:19 AM

This touches on one of the real problems of our time. So many people have never given a party that they have no idea what the hostess is going through.

A related problem is the relatives who cannot be bothered with the little courtesies that keep a relationship alive - such as answering an e-mail, sending a Christmas card, saying thank you for a gift. They don't realize that relationships can wither away.

I am thinking of having a bumpersticker made that simply says "Respond."

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: freda underhill
Date: 20 Jul 04 - 10:30 AM

I have sessions at my place occasionally, and dont expect an RSVP for these, i just send out an email message and whoever comes knows to bring something.

But if its a dinner I ask people to respond, in order to plan how much to cook.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: GUEST,Larry K
Date: 20 Jul 04 - 03:02 PM

It is amazing to me how many people do not respond- even when it is a formal invitation with a stamped response card.   In talking to other people and comparing notes it seem that about 30% of people do not respond.   The last two weeks before an occation you spend tracking people down and trying to get an answer from them.   

Sometimes it seems like they are waiting for a better answer.   Sometimes they can't make up their mind. Often they are just too lazy or don't want to tell you no.    When you have a formal occation and need to give a caterer a number which you are paying for it is real annoying.

Some people say when they don't respond you should assume it is no.   Others say when they don't respond you should assume it is yes.   I agree with the above comment. If they don't have the courtesy to respond, don't invite them again.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 20 Jul 04 - 03:21 PM

I have what I think is an explanation for the negative-only RSVPers:

Ignorance. In this day and age, I think a lot of people don't really understand "RSVP", and think it only means "Let us know if you can't come."

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Zhenya
Date: 20 Jul 04 - 03:41 PM

Thanks for some great answers! I was beginning to think this was just me being too picky. But I can see it bothers other people too.

I'm not even talking only about parties or other more "formal" occasions here, although as the party-giver, you certainly need to know how many people to expect. But even smaller invitations, or mutual plans with someone.

I've had a few recent situations where a person's delay caused an adverse situation - and then they complained about the outcome! (In one case, we got really bad concert seats because the person didn't let me know timely they wanted to go, and then they complained about the seats. In another, when making plans for a trip where a motel room was needed, a friend didn't get back to me timely, so that when I finally made reservations, there were only smoking rooms left. She then complained "Well, I really would have preferred a non-smoking room." Etc., you get the gist.

What really gets me is, especially with e-mail, it would only take about 30 seconds, or less, to simply send a message "Sorry I can't make it." or "Yes, I'll be there." or even "Maybe. Let me check my schedule and get back to you by Tuesday."

By the way, I have tried using a deadline. Some people respond to that, others don't. But at least I feel like less of a nag when I make the follow-up call after the deadline.

I found it interesting that the responses here came mostly from people who are frustrated by non-responders. I guess most people who don't bother to RSVP wouldn't even respond to a thread like this!

Zhenya

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: open mike
Date: 20 Jul 04 - 03:59 PM

what's VSOP?
U suspect it is a type of whiskey?

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: DougR
Date: 20 Jul 04 - 04:17 PM

Yes I do. I got an invitation to a wedding recently in North Carolina that I didn't even know. We just share a last name. I did respond that I wouldn't be attending though.

DougR

P. S. I didn't send a gift either.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: GUEST,saulgoldie
Date: 20 Jul 04 - 09:08 PM

VSOP is a brandy.

I think the lack of RSVPing is part of a rising general lack of concern for the feelings of others. I'll not thread drift by giving my notions of where this comes from.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Zhenya
Date: 21 Jul 04 - 05:12 PM

Or at least a lack of a sense of need for social courtesies. I don't really find my non-RSVPing friends to be selfish or insensitive to others in general. But they really don't seem to feel the need for this type of "social glue" - sort of what leeneia mentioned above. I'm not really sure why.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: maire-aine
Date: 21 Jul 04 - 05:33 PM

Ouch! Sore point with me. I usually have folks over a couple times a year, and invite folks by email. Most folks tell me if they can't come right away. But an awful lot don't. I've had between 8 and 30 folks show up at various events, off of the same invite list. Yikes!

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: DougR
Date: 21 Jul 04 - 07:49 PM

Zhenia: if you feel that way, why did you start this thread?

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: Zhenya
Date: 22 Jul 04 - 01:15 PM

DougR,
I think I was expecting more answers from non-responders explaining why they didn't feel it was necessary to respond. I guess I was trying to get into the head of this type of person and figure out why a normally courteous person would feel this (RSVPing) wasn't a necessary thing to do.
Zhenya

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 22 Jul 04 - 01:28 PM

Wow. It isn't a neccessary thing to do. You make this sound like people who don't respond are bad somehow. It might be inconvenient for you, but it certainly doen't make them bad. I organize tons of gatherings and I would never rely on an RSVP request. If it's important, you need a follow-up contingency.

Subject: RE: BS: Do you R.S.V.P.?
From: GUEST,petr.
Date: 22 Jul 04 - 08:46 PM

depends.. on the occasion if its a wedding there is often a cost to the host, it is courteous to respond. I had couple people not show up at my wedding who said they would, it would have saved me a few hundred bucks each if they told me ahead of time.

if its just a bbq or a party, and youre not feeding people, then its not that important. I usually let them surprise me.

With email invites, I find people sometimes only half register them
Ive had people forget it and ask, oh yeah when is that?
(even though they can easily look it up) ...

in general though, if there are people who dont respond, and dont show up, I dont bother inviting them in the future.
p