BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 14 Jan 06 - 10:23 AM

People-eating apples? That sounds dangerous.

Stephen Lee

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: JennyO
Date: 14 Jan 06 - 01:28 AM

The branches grew out through his skull and a hunter mistook him for a deer.

Oh deer, Bob - you been feeling a bit "seedy" lately?

Jenny (just "horning" in on the conversation)

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jan 06 - 07:11 PM

The solution to the problem is obvious! Just carry a cricket bat around with you when you choose to eat apples in the street. Then, when some old fart says, "You can't put that there! It'll attract bats!", just say, "By George! You're right!", and then use the cricket bat to beat the old geezer senseless.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 13 Jan 06 - 02:42 PM

That was his own fault. He told a gay deerhunter he was game ...

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 13 Jan 06 - 02:30 PM

Calgary has taken care of the problem with their anti-littering bylaws.
Moreover, Bob Bolton better take care. I read a blog the other day about a man who ate an apple core and the seeds sprouted. The branches grew out through his skull and a hunter mistook him for a deer.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Les from Hull
Date: 13 Jan 06 - 01:06 PM

Dear Mr Drunk

I have to spring to the defence of my colleague the Rt Hon Sir JOhn from Hull, part of the extensive 'from Hull' family.

Sir JOhn needs no advice from you or anyone else about bridges. We have a fine selection of bridges here in Hull, including what once was the longest suspension bridge in the world (except people started making longer ones), the longest swing bridge in Europe (they've probably built another longer one since somewhere) and the first ferro-concrete in England (let's see them try to beat that one without the aid of a time machine). Sir JOhn is quite capable of walking off any of these or the other fine bridges in the area.

As a further point, London Bridge is out of the question, since it was sold to some dumb Americans, who have moved it to a desert.

If you have problems with my friend's life choice of fruit residue ejection, I suggest you see a fruit residue ejection therapist. There are no doubt plenty of them in your area (for some reason it seems a real growth industry around here).

Yours respectfully

Les from Hull

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 12 Jan 06 - 08:54 PM

Hey, John! You ain't exzactly the britest bulb in the furnace are ya, buddy? How come they still let ya out on the street? They must be really flippin' liberal in England, eh? Lettin' total flipheads that can't flippin' even unnderstand nothin' throw their aplle cores around on the street and, like, give old people a hard time, eh? Are you one of them upper class halfwits that is an Earl or a Pier or somethin'? Is that why they let you loose? Y9u are gonna be old too one day, dipwad! Think about that. That's if you don't die by walkin' off a bridge. i woeuldnt put that passed you. I figger you are stooopid enough to do that, eh? Try London Bridge. It's in England ain't it? It shouldnt be real hard for you to find it. Just ask a cop or talk to the girl in the tourist booth. Tell her I sent you. She will probally ask for my ottograffe or picture if you do. I am a big name. Matter of fact I am goin' internashinal any day now.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Jan 06 - 08:39 PM

if it takes 16 months to get a "no" out of jOhn, how are you gonna have adialogue with him?

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Jan 06 - 09:24 AM

What the hell are you mumbling about? Speak up, damnit!

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Mo the caller
Date: 12 Jan 06 - 09:22 AM

does being deaf make you bad tempered?

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 12 Jan 06 - 04:53 AM

G'day jOhn,

So ... what are apple cores? As well as other fruit, I eat 2 apples a day - one usually as I walk 6 kilometres home from work - and the nice thing about a decent apple is that ... all I throw away (into the first bin I find) is an apple stem - with the little sticky plastic label neatly wrapped around (stuck to itself and the stem) so it can't get stuck and jammed in any garbage systems.

The rest of it ... ? Well, it's all good apple, good roughage and perfectly edible. The biggest problems we create for our health arise from our picky habits of just eating some specific part of a food item ... and discarding the rest. Our ancestors evolved knowing you ate anything that didn't beat you off ... or eat you. Problems like diabetes are created by our self-indulgent ideas of what we eat - or, more important, what we throw away.

Regards,

Bob

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Jan 06 - 04:49 AM

From: Martin Gibson - PM , Date: 25 Jul 04 - 05:28 PM : You are obviosly too drunk to write something coherent.

Did you mean "coherently", Martin? ObvioUsly, you needed a drink.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 11 Jan 06 - 11:03 PM

The real hazard with apple cores in the street is some poor critter trying to get a bite (rat, bird, or otherwise) and then becoming road pancake when the next lorry comes by, leading to some poor corby trying to get a bite to eat, and then...

Have mercy! Throw your apple cores somewhere safe. Stop this senseless slaughter!

~ B in T

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: GUEST,jOhn
Date: 11 Jan 06 - 08:51 PM

no.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 03:31 AM

..& is there any update on the apple core j0hn? Was it still there?

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Gurney
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 12:36 AM

Cluin, you are a sly, underhand, and despicable character.





WHAT a good idea.
I'll order more visiting cards.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Cluin
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 12:22 AM

Say you went out tomorrow afternoon and met 4 moany old people and cozied up to `em. Then they went home and changed their wills and died in their sleep that night. That's 4 million bucks you'll have made in one afternoon. Not bad, mate. Not bad...

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Cluin
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 12:18 AM

Make friends with moany old people jOhn. They could be eccentric millionaires just looking for a nice young apple-munching bloke to leave their money to.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 11:03 PM

You should have told him you were conducting an experiment to see if apple trees would grow in tarmac! :0)

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 02:00 PM

How long before you see the flaw in your plan? Mouldy meat pies smell bad and everyone eventually will be moaning at the sight of you. And what if it is some love smitten female moaning in anticipation? You could really screw up your love life.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 11:24 AM

I got an idea=
From now on, I will keep a mouldy meat pie in my pocket, to throw at moany people, so from now on, they'd better watch it.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 11:13 AM

jOhn, why not try some sugar instead of vinegar? Wish him a good morning and ask how he is feeling? Maybe you'll have a new friend to share your apple with and if not, he will be twice as angry because you were nice to him.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 10:41 AM

I reckon you're a hard core litter lout JOhn9 me boy. As for going to the doctor's with your ear, have you tried going without it?
I have an Akubra, and it's magic, spot on Gurney. :~)
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 10:31 AM

Hello, I just saw that moany old bloke again, I was going to throw something at him, but only thing i had in me pockets was mobile phone, and a packet of mints, so I made an ugly face at him instead, [and serves him right].

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 27 Jul 04 - 04:30 AM

"I think he was probably saying "rats", because they'll eat anything. Including batty old men, I imagine, if they had the chance."

- Are you becoming paranoid, Kevin ? - have you started carrying a rat trap around in your guitar case ?

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 26 Jul 04 - 09:49 PM

come to think of it....... the old guy might be right. When I was young and carefree I used to throw apple cores and other things about (ah those were the days -life was one long orgy of apple throwing and the like), and now I've got a hat.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Jul 04 - 03:30 PM

a few lorries across organic debris in the roadway and it will degrade rather rapidly

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Jul 04 - 02:01 PM

Might that bloke have said gnats rather than bats? Either way, LTS speaks true: put your fruit and veg leavings on the verge.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jul 04 - 01:23 PM

jOhn - you never fail to make me laugh - thank you. But if you throw trash in the street, someone is going to object. I went through a phase during which I would call out to anyone who had thrown trash in the street: "Excuse me. You've dropped something." Invariably, they and everyone else on the street would turn to see if they had dropped a wallet or something important and I would add "And it looks like garbage." They rarely retrieved their refuse but I bet they thought twice about littering again.

I often throw biodegradable stuff in a hedge or on some grass where it doesn't create an eyesore or pose a threat to those of us inclined to fall down a lot.

I love these little insights into your existence. Carry on, jOhn.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 26 Jul 04 - 12:14 PM

Sir John, I can't blame you for eating the outside of an Apple and then throwing away the center... though, I would think that the power cables would be particularily chewy...


Needing more coffee,
Brian.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: s&r
Date: 26 Jul 04 - 06:08 AM

Unless you row of course, then it's when your oar digs in at the wrong time (not that different really)

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: GUEST,weerover
Date: 26 Jul 04 - 05:48 AM

Jim,

This side of the pond we don't talk openly about catching crabs.

wr.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Jul 04 - 03:36 AM

If you really must throw your biodegradable litter in the street, at least wait til you pass a hedge or a grassy verge (yes I know, not many of those in Hull, lots of statues of royalty on top of toilets but no grassy verges) where you can put it on soil to biodegrade and fertilise.

I'm sure you don't throw your non-biodegradable litter in the street.....

And going for a long drive will make more pollution and waste than the apple core, so don't do that. Unless you're driving OVER certain GUESTS.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Gurney
Date: 26 Jul 04 - 03:13 AM

Joybell, Akubras are GOOD hats. It is just unfortunate that they are usually worn, -in NZ at least- by people in wheelchairs who go around in circles.






Because they cost an arm and a leg, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 26 Jul 04 - 01:50 AM

Clinton Hammond- now you come right back here and apologise to Sir jOhn the Litterbug from Hull MBE. Do you hear me young man? Come back and say you're sorry - right now!
Okay, that's it. No apples for you, Clinton.
And Martin Gibson, you're treading on thin ice too, young man. Just green apples for you if this keeps up.
Now Sir jOhn, put your litter in the litterbin, and old blokes won't yell at you.
Alright, everybody all friends again? Good.

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Blackcatter
Date: 26 Jul 04 - 12:19 AM

Summbodys feisty tonight!

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 25 Jul 04 - 11:48 PM

Qoute-[Clinton Hammond] "Go For a nice long drive".

Clinton-why don't you go and eat some mushroom soup?

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Blackcatter
Date: 25 Jul 04 - 11:44 PM

Well that's funny. jOhn correcting Martin's spelling!

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 25 Jul 04 - 11:42 PM

Martin Gibson-And you are obviously too stupid to spell obviously.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 25 Jul 04 - 11:37 PM

its interesting to hear what these old bastards get up to when they're not at the tory party conference. any more sighting please let us know Sir JoHn.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Once Famous
Date: 25 Jul 04 - 05:28 PM

You are obviosly too drunk to write something coherent.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: harpgirl
Date: 25 Jul 04 - 03:19 PM

LOL...in small bites, JO!

shats=green apple quick step

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 25 Jul 04 - 11:20 AM

Maybe the old man said you would get shats
As you say John, apples can do that.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: JennyO
Date: 25 Jul 04 - 08:41 AM

I hate squirrels. They eat my garage.

They must grow 'em big over your way, harpgirl :-)

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Joybell
Date: 24 Jul 04 - 08:50 PM

How boring Amos, but thanks it's good to know so as not to appear a dill in educated company. As I cut my grapefruit I'll say softly, "goodbye little popple mouse".
Gurney, It's a relief to know I'm not talking to someone who wears a baseball cap on backwards. Can't relate to that! They still make a sort of Fedora-type hat here in Australia. Made by the Akubra company. There's a great little hat shop in Melbourne, underneath the main train-station. The staff seem as old as the shop - can't be though because I think the shop has been there a hundred years. True-love favours the high-crown type. I've tried the man's hat look but it's not me somehow. Joy-wearingasillybutinterestingflowerednumber.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jul 04 - 02:25 PM

Just for the record pamplemousse is French for "grapefruit".

A

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: harpgirl
Date: 24 Jul 04 - 01:28 PM

I hate squirrels. They eat my garage. Maybe I should feed them apples. How can I drive them off my property in a humane way, john?

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Jul 04 - 08:53 AM

In the US, a good way to get rid of an apple core is to give it to a squirrel. Squirrels love apples. So do rabbits, but squirrels are more common in cities. I think if you throw an apple core anywhere, a squirrel is likely to find it. Some people say a squirrel is only a rat with a furry tail, but most people hate rats, and don't mind squirrels. I suppose rats are more of a problem than squirrels because they're more likely to come into houses. Yet I've never had rats in my own house, but I've had squirrels.

I know you have squirrels in England. I saw a nature program about them once. I know the American grey squirrel has been introduced in England, and is considered a nuisance, because they eat the bark from some trees, and damage them. Funny, I never knew that squirrels would eat tree bark until I saw that program. I've never heard of them doing it here. Maybe we don't have the right kind of trees.

I know you also have a native squirrel, which is different. But I don't think I've ever seen any kind of squirrel in England. I saw a seal once, swimming in a harbor in Scotland. But I don't think I've seen any other wildlife in Britain, other than birds, despite many visits. Maybe I need to get out in the country more. Oh, yes, I've seen crabs at the seashore, and even caught one with my bare hands, just to amuse the kids. They thought I was awfully brave.

My English relatives are coming to visit next week. I love to see them, but I'd rather go there.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: Gurney
Date: 24 Jul 04 - 05:09 AM

Joybell and jOhn, good point about wearing hats being a symptom of advancing age. Started wearing them myself, and a dislike of baseball caps has forced me into flat caps. Found a Trilby(Fedora?) in a junk shop the other day, and seriously considered it!

Flat caps are not quite the same as Cheesecutter caps that golfers and Americans wear. The English variety fits the back of the head more closely. If you can get them any more.

Joybell, women often look good in men's headgear. Women's hats, however, date rapidly and sometimes started out looking barmy. Can anyone else remember the Pixie Hood? Used to like the little pillbox hat with the veil, though.

Back to the thread. JOhn, take your litter home and put it down the wastemaster. That way you can feed the rats in the sewer so that they don't have to forage in the gutters.

Subject: RE: BS: People Eating Apples in the Street.
From: MudGuard
Date: 24 Jul 04 - 04:23 AM

How good is a pomple mouse compared to a hamster when it comes to producing electricity? ;-)

Maybe that man meant "nuts" and just pronounced it "nats" because he was going nuts already?