BS: Hesperis NOT getting married

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: hesperis
Date: 31 Aug 04 - 11:59 PM

Oops, didn't see earlier that there's a new thread here.

Thanks, everyone!

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:07 PM

Congratulations!

Be very good to each other

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: CarolC
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 11:50 PM

Our own hesperis has gotten herself hitched to a fine young man and they are supposed to be heading out of town early tomorrow. She didn't have time to post this, so I offered to do it for her.

http://www.herocia.com/marriage/ (some after wedding pics are in this link)


Steve and Chagall

August 24, 2004, 1:45 PM

Officiated at Fairborn, Ohio by Catherine M. Barber, Judge.

Wedding Ceremony Pics:

There are no photos of the ceremony yet as we were only allowed to borrow his parents' older camera to take to the ceremony. (The new digital camera was too valuable for us to borrow for wedding pictures, but we took a few with it when we got home.) The Judge was gracious enough to take a few pics for us though. She was happy to do something nice for once instead of her usual work there! I just hope the pics turn out alright when developed. That will take a while yet, sorry!

Unfortunately we had nobody else there to share the moment, the one person we thought could actually make it to the court on the day got a flat tire before he even left his city! But it was still very wonderful.

Ceremony:

In addition to the standard vows that make a marriage legal, we added our own personal vows to each other.

I vow to love you, to be intelligently loyal to you,
and to treasure your presence in my life
for the rest of my life.

Let us both promise to help each other
become ever more true to our truer, deeper Selves,
and to the Higher Power that guides us.
So be it.

The ceremony was really simple and really beautiful. We gathered to join our lives together, then said the standard vows, then said our personal vows, then exchanged rings as symbols of our love and our vows. Then we kissed, of course!

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 12:17 PM

LOL! I am trying to picture that, and it just doesn't work.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Amergin
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 11:33 AM

Does this mean he wore the black dress?

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 10:03 AM

HUZZAH!

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: hesperis
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 09:58 AM

It'll be the blue dress and we're going before the Judge today!

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 09:53 AM

so - what's the scoop? Did this happen? Did this not happen? Which dress did she wear?

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: hesperis
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 05:40 PM

That song is called the "Wreck of the Hesperus" and has nothing to do with me. :P

Yeah, blue I think. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 03:51 PM

Someone menbtioned the "Wreck of the Hesperis"

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 03:51 PM

Hesperis should not get married...what do you think?????

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 03:49 PM

Good game!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 03:43 PM

Something old
Something new
Something borrowed
Something blue

Go blue, Hesp.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: mg
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 03:36 PM

I vote for the blue with some wildflower boquet..daisies??? Hope you are not allergic to them. Then the nice black dress for a nice dinner or something later. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: open mike
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 03:12 PM

oh yes, she is! and who is the lucky Mr. Hesperis?

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: CarolC
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 02:01 PM

Will there be any pictures? (hint hint)

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: hesperis
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 01:42 PM

Ohio is definitely the best state we can go to for this. I hope Spaw or Karen or both can make it... we'll need to settle the time once we know which office we're going to and how late those are open.

Got his ring now. We also just picked up a couple of secondhand dresses for around $10. A really pretty blue short summer dress, and an elegant black one with pink embroidery. Now the only question is whether to wear blue or black - either of the dresses will go well with my man's best jeans. ;)

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Hrothgar
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 06:46 AM

Be blessed.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 04:24 AM

I was mildy curious about what Ohio requires, as some states have residence and waiting periods, etc. I don't know how reliable the information is that I found, but assuming it's accurate Ohio seems to be a pretty easy place to get it done.

Ohio Marriage Requirements

When you apply for your license, you'll not only need a proof of identification and age, but you'll need to apply for the certificate together, will need to provide any information about previous marriages, and will need to pay a nominal fee. You will also need to have a witness when you sign the application, so plan on bringing your maid of honor or best man with you. The bride will need to know what her married name will be before she signs the marriage certificate. You'll have to write that name on the application."

ID Requirement: Government issued ID such as drivers license, visa, passport, state ID. You need to know your social security numbers.

Residency Requirement: Do not have to be a resident of Ohio. You must apply in the county in which you want to get married.

If previously married: Bring certified copy of divorce decree or a copy of deceased spouse's death certificate.

Application Requirement: Both parties to a marriage should appear in person to obtain the license.

Fees: $40+ depending on county - Cash only. Some counties accept money orders.

Waiting Period: No waiting period.

Blood Tests: No tests.

Valid: License is valid for 60 days.


List of addresses of County Clerks where you can get the license is also shown.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Aug 04 - 12:43 AM

I'll give him a call first thing in the morning, Hesperis. If you want me to relay any info, etc., in case he cannot get his PM, let me know by PM, okay?

Best wishes for you both.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: hesperis
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 11:32 PM

Thanks, everyone.

Ok, it's probably friday now so we can find someone to be a witness! If anyone has Spaw's number would you call him... hopefully the 'cat will behave and let him get his PM!

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 12:53 PM

Hey, folks, I send my best wishes on your marriage. May you be blessed, guided, and protected by the highest beneficent powers.

(Spaw has been complaining about having a slow computer, and that may be why he's not on the Cat so much, but he will probably pick up your PM shortly.)

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: mg
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 12:45 PM

Congratulations and may your marriage be blessed. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: hesperis
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 11:59 AM

Getting married either tomorrow or thursday or friday. Tried to send Spaw a PM to find out more info on Ohio but I guess he hasn't checked his PMs lately. The cat's been slow.

We'll probably be in the Dayton area somewhere, as soon as I find out where to go... Anyone near there want to act as our Ohio guide/witness?

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 10:32 AM

Cheers Giok!

(and good luck hesperis)

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 10:19 AM

My Father was an Orangeman, {I know it could be a line from a song}, and a policeman, and a Freemason, but I've adopted none of his problems in that respect. However, were I a younger man, I'd be in Portaferry tomorrow, asking for your hand; and all the rest too Fibula Mattock.
Fine girl you are.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 07:16 AM

I know my grandparents would love it if I married a good Orangeman, but an orangutan might be taking it a bit too far. The flea-pickin' bit sounds fine though, and I wouldn't mind living in a tree.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 02:22 AM

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Someone stuff those two apes with a banana and shut them up.... and I don't care which orifice.

Hesp - we need to know what's going on!! Are you? Aren't you???

We hope you're working things out.... getting sick is a real test of committment. Coping with long term sickness is grinding and exhausting for all concerned, but it can be managed. Make the good days extra special and the bad days won't seem so bad.

Take care

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: GUEST,Tang the Orangutang
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 01:59 AM

Chongo, my dear old friend, yesterday does not count as the "good old days".

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Peace
Date: 16 Aug 04 - 12:21 AM

TTO is rendered speechless.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: GUEST,Tang The Orangutang
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 11:55 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 11:16 PM

Those were the old days, Tang. I ain't in the jungle now. Although, you could call this city a jungle sometimes.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: GUEST,Tang The Orangutang
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 11:07 PM

Chongo, I am not the sleaze. At least I offer my delousing services to those of the opposite sex. Can you say the same?

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 11:04 PM

Tang, you are such a sleaze. You're an embarrassment to apes and humans alike. Everyone is allergic to you. Go climb a tree, if you can find one that'll have you.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: GUEST,TangThe Orangutang
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 10:55 PM

Ah, shucks, here I was going to offer myself to you, but then you would probably just been allergic. How do you like sleeping in trees? Being one of many mates? Hmm, if you change your mind. Oh well, maybe Fibula could use a nice orangutang. Fibula, I could keep you fed with my lice and fleas. I would more than happily pick yours out of your own fur.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: mg
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 10:54 PM

If he is going to marry you, he owes you food and shelter, and you should work to the best of your health limitations to provide for yourself and any future children and him if he gets incapacitated. He is not obligated to finance your dreams though. There has got to be a way for you to earn a modest living and not depend on this theoretical group of people who will step up and help you. Providing a few healthy meals a day for someone should not drag someone else down, but financing c.d.'s etc. just might. He sounds like a good man. I am glad to hear that you are back to getting married but I am back to being worried about some of your expectations of the world. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: hesperis
Date: 15 Aug 04 - 09:23 PM

Ok, getting married. Have to figure out how to get married in Ohio now.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: hesperis
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 10:29 PM

Well, back from PA. Wasn't able to get in touch with the other people in PA that I know. (Sorry guys!)

It was great to see our friend and meet some of his friends. Unfortunately the place was very allergenic for me because of the dogs and the open windows, so we left a little earlier than planned. I'm sick again...

We're still wavering on whether to get married or not.

He's the only person who has stepped up willing to help me materially in a big way, and since he's the only one he's beginning to get tired of it even though I have helped him a lot too. But there's only so much one person can do.

If I could count on a lot of people helping in little ways then we could do this. Otherwise I'll just end up dragging him down with me.

But the alternative is to go back to welfare and malnutrition and never have a chance at anything important like love or making more CDs.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 09 Aug 04 - 04:18 AM

Been there - it hurts. It's something I'll regret for ever. If you can make it work, make it work. If it won't work, then grieve for it and know all the reasons it won't work. I gave up without a fight and it's the only thing in my life I'd ever want to go back and change. Good luck.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: GUEST,SueB
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 05:20 PM

I must have hit send just after you did. It sounds like you're handling this really well.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: hesperis
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 04:57 PM

I'm sure it's for the best, I'm just not sure WHAT is for the best.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: GUEST,SueB
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 04:46 PM

I'm sure it's for the best, but that's not always what a person wants to hear when their plans have suddenly changed. You have my sympathy. --Suzanne

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: hesperis
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 04:45 PM

I don't know what's going on. I'm also really confused. We worked out everything that came up for a year... I thought we had synergy. We've both become better people for being with each other.

But I'm sick too often and he just can't deal with it... it drains his energy to try to help me... he needs certain things from me and I can't give them when I'm not "there" because I'm sick. And I can't blame him because it's too big of a problem for any one person to deal with.

All I know is, I do love him, he loves me but not quite enough to deal with it, and I still can't do this on my own, either, although I'm stronger than I was a year ago. Good nutrition will do that.

He still wants to help me, but he'll have to preserve himself first or there'll be nobody there to help and I'll just have brought another life down to nothing. And I am too sick to be the person he dreams of.

As for Toronto, I can't afford it even on welfare, even if I busk. I couldn't busk in the only other city where I know people who would drag me to the doctor's. So I really have no clue what I'll be doing.

We're visiting friends in PA tomorrow and will be asking their advice on this... but everything is just a big muddle. We've been talking it over for over a week now, and nothing is decided except that we can't get married like this.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Willie-O
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 10:00 AM

Shaddup, Foolestroupe. That ain't kind.

Hesperis, hugs. Does this mean you're back in Toronto (or a less congested part of Ontario) now or soon?

Bill

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 07:41 AM

She offered her Honour, He Honoured her Offer,
....

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Helen
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 07:25 AM

See, Hesperis, you have another offer already. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Matt_R
Date: 08 Aug 04 - 02:32 AM

It's because it wasn't me. That was the whole problem.

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Deckman
Date: 07 Aug 04 - 09:55 PM

"He's a fool,
Not to know what a jewel I am,
He must be blind,
Not to see what a find I am ..."

("He's A Fool", written by Riley and Maloney)

Keep your chin up! Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: Helen
Date: 07 Aug 04 - 08:07 PM

Hesperis,

I know that there is someone special waiting for you - and the two of you together will be magic. What you are looking for is synergy, where the whole or the combined effect is greater than either of you or all of your qualities individually. I've been through the losses, and thought I would never find the right person, but when I did find him there was a magic about it which was indescribable and which, although softened over the last 7 years to something a little more every-day, has never really gone away.

Have faith that you are on the right path and that you are protected.

Love & hugs
Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Hesperis NOT getting married
From: katlaughing
Date: 07 Aug 04 - 05:16 PM

I am sorry to hear of this, Hesperis. Usually when something like this happens, though, in my experience, it's always for the highest good of all concerned and like Sins said, better to find out now, than later.

We're here, if there is anything we can do, listen, etc. If ya need to holler, wallow, rant and rave, feel free...we'll give you lots of {{{{{HUGS}}}}}} and wish you well.

luvyakat