Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law

Subject: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 12 Sep 04 - 01:54 PM

Heard this song in a session and thought it brilliant.
Looking for the full lyrics to the song
and also the tune.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From:
Date: 12 Sep 04 - 05:00 PM

How much of the lyrics do you have?

Trying to find something with "mother in law" is going to be difficult on the 'net. If you had some other portion of the lyrics it would certainly help.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: GUEST,padgett
Date: 13 Sep 04 - 04:30 AM

is this the one that has the line;

How I love her, love to smother
How i love my mother in law!

sung by Mick Haywood in Whitby, UK

known for his Batley Irish
?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 13 Sep 04 - 07:02 AM

And on her big white bum
Was a picture of the rising sun
And on her fanny
Was Al Jolson singing Mammy

The version of the song I heard contained the following verse
half way down the song, but any versions of the song I have found on the net start with this verse:

One night in gay Paree
I paid five francs to see
A big fat French lady
Tattooed from head to knee

Does anyone have the lyrics to the full version of the song?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: alanabit
Date: 13 Sep 04 - 09:05 AM

That sounds a bit like "Lydia the tatooed Lady", which I believe was performed (and possibly written) by Graucho Marx. There was also a song about a tatooed lady by Paddy Roberts. I should check both the DT and past threads, as both songs have appeared in discussions on Mudcat.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Leadfingers
Date: 13 Sep 04 - 09:10 AM

This song has nowt to do with Lydia OR Paddy Roberts - I recall it being 'sung' in the NAAFI in the sixties - Most of it rather obscene

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 13 Sep 04 - 01:18 PM

A version of "My Mother-in-Law." One is here: Mother in Law

Link fixed. --JoeClone, 18-Sep-04.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 13 Sep 04 - 01:21 PM

OK, try the index page: Index

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 13 Sep 04 - 01:27 PM

Well, it was in Google as www.hch3.net/h.htm headed FAMOUS HARRIETS.
One more try- Index
(My list could be wrong)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 14 Sep 04 - 03:30 AM

It's still not the full version I heard of the song.
Some of the lyrics are similar but the version I
heard was more humourous.

Anyone?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: GUEST,padgett
Date: 14 Sep 04 - 04:00 AM

I'm in search of Mick Haywoods recordings, it is this one and knowing Mick he'll have every verse! may take a while to decipher!!
Ray Padgett
Barnsley Sth Yorks

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Micca
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 11:01 AM

To Q and Curious Clouseau, do bear in mind (if you dont already)when possibly performing this song that this a British song and therefore the Jolson line uses the British meaning of Fanny (female front bottom, it makes more sense too) but is consequently Filthier...and could lead to offence!!!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 11:28 AM

Sounds like 'bum' to me.
?Front bottom?
My Oxford English Dictionary defines it as "backside."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: webfolk
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 11:31 AM

is it the one that goes

Oh how i love her
i'd love to shove her
Oh! I love my mother in law

She's a rat bag, sleaze bag.... etc

cos a mate of mine does it if it is and it's very offensive but i can try and get the words if this is the one

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Micca
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 01:15 PM

Q I think the internal evidence in the verse suggests that it is using the meaning I suggest, as it refers to "bum"in the line previous, If your bum has something resembling Al Jolson's lips on it I suggest the services of a a good Cosmetic Surgeon might be needed :o)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 01:38 PM

Please take it up with the OED. Any definition lacks currency until it is accepted within their covers.

In any case, being a pure, simple, reticent gentlemen who avoids street usages, I am above such language, British or North American.

Webfolk, please post!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Dave Sutherland
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 03:22 PM

Try one of the Bob Davenport albums "Down The Long Road", "Postcards Home" or "Pal Of My Cradle Days". He used to do that song a lot in those days.

Subject: Lyr Add: HOW I LOVE MY MOTHER IN LAW
From: GUEST,padgett
Date: 20 Sep 04 - 03:12 AM

I love my mother in law. She's got an awful jaw.
She's at me day and night but I can't do anything right.
She's a-coming round today. How I wish she'd stay away.
Ain't it a pity, a blooming great pity, she ain't in the family way.

Tonight I'll grease the stairs, put tacks on all the chairs,
And I hope she breaks her blooming back 'cos I do like wearing black.
She's rough and she's randy. She's as sweet as sugar candy.
How I love her, love to smother, how I love my mother in law.

Took a trip to gay Paree. I paid ten francs to see
This great big fat Cherie tattooed from head to knee.
Right underneath her jaw was a British man of war,
And down her back was the Union Jack so I paid ten francs more

To see her lily-white bum with its tattoo of the rising sun,
And up and down her spine were the Grenadiers in line,
And right across her tummy was Al Jolson singing Mammy.
How I love her, love to smother, how I love my mother in law.

Mick Haywood, Old Wine and Spirits Vaults, Batley/Birstall, 20/3/99.

Subject: Lyr Add: HOW I LOVE MY MOTHER IN LAW
From:
Date: 28 Sep 04 - 08:08 AM

I love my mother-in-law,
Although she's got a lot of jaw,
She haunts me day and night
I can't do anything right
I heard today she's coming round to stay
Ain't it a pity, she lives in the city
Why can't she stay away

Tonight I'll grease the stairs,
Put tin tacks on the chairs
I hope she breaks her back
I look so nice in black
The insurance comes in handy
She's bow-legged knock kneed and bandy,
But I love her, how I love her,
How I love my mother-in-law


We went to gay Paree
And paid five francs to see
A big fat french cherie
Tattooed from head to knee
Across her jaw was a British Man o' war
And down her back was the Union Jack
So I paid five francs more
To see her lily white bum
And a picture of the rising sun
While up and down her spine
Were the Foresters all in line
And tattooed on her front bit
Harry James was playing his trumpet
But I love her, how I love her
How I love my mother-in-law!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: GUEST,Auldtimer
Date: 28 Sep 04 - 01:04 PM

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: GUEST,Auldtimer
Date: 28 Sep 04 - 01:07 PM

The in version I am familier with, the line is "underneath her garter was a picture of Sinatra. How I love her , How I love her...."

Subject: Lyr Add: HOW I LOVE MY MOTHER IN LAW
From: GUEST,Alice
Date: 12 Oct 04 - 08:23 PM

Hello - I've been trying to remember the words of this song too. A local pianist in my area used to sing it & sung it at our wedding after my mum had left, of course. I will contact him & come back with his lyrics but here's what I remember, in the meantime.

I love my mother in law
She's nothing but a bloody great whore
She haunts me day & night night night
I cant do nothing right right right right

Oh how I love,
how I love her
How I love my mother in law.

She's fine she's dandy
She makes our dog feel randy.
She's coming round to to stay,
Isn't it a pity she's only one titty,
& she's in the familly wa-a-hay (way)

Oh how I love her,
how I love her,
how I love my mother in law

Tonight I'll grease the stairs, stairs, stairs
put tin tacks on the chairs, chairs, chairs
I hope she breaks her back back back
cause I like wearing black black black.

Oh how I love her,
how I love her,
how I love my mother in Law.

One night in Gay Paree
I paid five francs to see
A great fat cheree
Tatooed from head to knee
And on her jaw was a picture of a prisoner of war
And on her back back back
Was a picture of the union jack, jack, jack jack,jack
and up & down her spine was the ???? in line
and on her big fat bum bum bum was a picture of the rising sun sun sun sun
And on her fanny was Al Johnson singing Mami

Oh how I love her
how I love her
how I love my mother in law.

Unsure if the version I knew included the Sinatra lyric as I'm sure I have missed bit's out. The pianist I know this song from was a big Max Miller fan I don't know if this was where it came from but possibly.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Snuffy
Date: 12 Oct 04 - 08:32 PM

and up & down her spine was the Maginot line?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Oct 04 - 08:45 PM

yes your right,snuffy

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 25 Oct 04 - 10:24 AM

Anyone know where I can get this song on CD,LP or Cassette?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Dave Sutherland
Date: 25 Oct 04 - 02:12 PM

Go back a bit in this thread- I have mentioned a few possibilities by Bob Davenport

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Tyke
Date: 25 Oct 04 - 04:08 PM

Mick Haywood as you know resides in Whitby he runs the Whitby Folk Club along with Angie Haywood. He also is responsbile for that hoard of drunks know near and far as Coblers Monday. They will be performing
next weekend at the Captain Cook Festival in Whitby. Mick who has already years ago suffered at the hands of a D. B. (we won't get into who D.B. is here!) who lost Micks song collection in the seventy's. Mick should recive more credit for the years of Traditional Folk Song Collecting than he has in the passed. He is a mudcatter and his handle is aaardvark why not send him a PM or turn out to support him next weekend at the Captain Cook Festival. Better still suport the Whitby folk Club he runs every Wednesday Night in Whitby.

Or even better still encourage him to publish his Folk Song Collection I belive he has managed to retreve most of it. A Mick Haywood CD would be a Folk Song collectors must have's in my opinion.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 26 Oct 04 - 05:19 AM

Q - as Micca says, over here in the UK, "fanny" always refers to a ladies vulva - never bum.

I can remember an American exchange teacher telling me how during a PE lesson, she had told her class of girls to press their fannies against the wallbars, and had been surprised and embarrassed at the result.

Leadfingers - I always thought that it was you who I'd heard sing this song.

Subject: Lyr Add: HOW I LOVE MY MOTHER IN LAW
From: GUEST,Jan
Date: 18 Apr 10 - 02:50 PM

One night in gay Paree
I paid five francs to see
A great big fat lady
Tatooed from head to knee
And on her jaw was a British Man-o-war
On her back was the Union Jack, so I paid five francs more
And up and down her spine
Was the Royal Engineers in line
And on her lilly white t*ts, t*ts, t*ts
Were a fleet of battle ships, ships, ships
On her fanny, was Jolsen singin' "MAAAMEEE"
How I love her, Oh I love her
And I love my mother in law.

I love my mother in law though she's nothing but a *' old whore
She nags me day and night
I can't do * all right
She's bald, she's bandy
But she makes my c*ck feel randy!
How I love her, How I love her
How I love my Mother-in-law

I love my wife (yes I do, Yes I do)
I love her dearly
I love the hole
She p*sses through.
I love her t*ts (tiddley its, tiddley its)
And her big brown a*sehole
I'd eat her sh*t with a rusty spoon (rusty spoon, rusty spoon)

She's bald, she's bandy
But she makes my c*ck feel randy!
How I love her, How I love her
How I love my Mother-in-law!

Subject: Lyr Add: I LOVE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW (Brown/VanAlstyne
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 06:53 PM

Not the same song, but what the heck:

From the sheet music at Indiana University:


I LOVE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
Words: A. Seymour Brown. Music, Egbert Van Alstyne.
New York: Jerome H. Remick & Co., 1914.

1. Some years ago I married, settled up and down, you see.
Of course my wifey's mother dear, she came to live with me.
She brought the dog, canary, cat and parrot with her, too.
I didn't like it much at first, but what was I to do?
Now there's no place like home to me, and the secret I'll explain to you.

CHORUS: I love my mother-in-law. I do. It's true!
I do, by golly! I love my mother-in-law. Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurroo!
Oh, the bull on the nickel is nothing, you see,
When compared with the bull mother hands out to me,
But she makes me like it, so tra-la-la-lee,
Oh, I love my mother-in-law!

2. Now mother always seems to know the things I like the most.
She mends my clothes, and darns my hose, and feeds me quail on toast.
She has the nicest checkbook and the cutest little pen,
And when the bankroll's very low—it happens now and then—
Why there's no place like home to me. I always touch mama for ten.

3. Now like a lot of other men, I take a little drink.
I also take a big one ev'ry now and then, I think.
The first time I brought home a bun, my little wife was sore,
But now when I sneak in, she never know it anymore;
And I don't have to ring the bell, for mother's waiting at the door.

4. I often leave my money in my trousers on the chair.
My little wife is wise, of course; she knows the dough is there.
One night, she took my roll and left a lonely dime, you see.
I never have to worry now. It's safe as it can be,
For her ma gets there first at night, and next morning hands it back to me.

Subject: Lyr Add: MY MOTHER-IN-LAW (R. A. Barnes)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 08:29 PM

From the sheet music at The Levy Collection:

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
Words and music by R. A. Barnes.
Richmond, Ind.: Frank A. Drake, 1879.

1. My mother-in-law, with the chattering jaw,
Has ears that are made for to hear.
She uses her tongue like a double-barr'l'd gun,
And speaks to all that are near.
She's brave to a fault, and never will halt,
To listen to what you would say.
What her eyes cannot see is a wonder to me,
For I've known her a many long day.

CHORUS: My mother-in-law, in-law,
My mother-in-law, in-law,
Oh, her icy face can never thaw.
She is the worst that I ever saw.

2. My mother-in-law, with the double-gear'd jaw,
Takes pleasure in making me mad,
And just for my good, let it be understood,
I ought to be more like my dad.
She says I'm red-hair'd, and ought to be scar'd,
To think of my sins so complete,
That I'm lazy and strong, and I'm not worth a song,
And too shiftless to stand on my feet.

3. My mother-in-law, with the light'ning clad jaw,
And owl-screeching voice 'tis so shrill;
Her queenly career, is to me very dear.
Her reign has quite made me ill.
I hope she will roam to some other home,
That is, she'll drop off without pain.
I'll remember the boss, and consider the loss,
For to be just some other one's gain.

Subject: Lyr Add: DON'T MARRY YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Apr 10 - 03:09 PM

From Jeremy Jollyboy Songster by Sol Smith Russell (New York: Robert M. De Witt, 1876), page 26:


DON'T MARRY YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW!
Words by A. W. French. Music by Harry Percy.
The Music of this song is published by E. H. Harding, 229 Bowery, New York. Price 10 cents.

1. Of all the troublesome creatures
That cling to a married man's life,
There is none with such terrible features
As the "Ma" of your own little wife.
Her head is filled with suggestions
For the good of connubial bliss.
She'll kill you outright with her questions.
Take my advice just in this.

CHORUS: Don't marry your mother-in-law.
Keep out of the reach of her paw.
You had better be dead
With a slab at your head
Than to marry your mother-in-law!

2. Should your home e'er seem lonely and dreary,
Your wife will then send for her sure.
"It's so nice for Ma to come, Charley,"
Says your darling. You must it endure.
And if your dear wife prove deficient
In matters known to womankind,
Her mother will post her in all things,
And drive you well out of your mind. CHORUS.

3. She'll keep you all day in hot water,
And worry you almost to death,
Till you wish in your heart that her daughter
And herself had never drawn breath!
She'll make your much-hoped-for Elysium
A desert of unending strife,
So keep these few words in your vision,
When you take to yourself a young wife. CHORUS.

Subject: Lyr Add: NEVER MARRY YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Apr 10 - 03:45 PM

From Bodleian Library ballad collection, Firth b.28(5a/b):
London: Richard March & Co., "between 1877 and 1884."


NEVER MARRY YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW.
Music published by Bertini & Co., Marlborough St

1. There's a very old saying as old as the hills,
The truth of which you'll agree:
That while two together is good company,
There's none to be had when there's three.
I once had a charmer, sweet Miss Jones,
But my bliss has proved quite a sell,
For I quickly discover'd I also had wed
My own Jennie's mother as well.

CHORUS: In two there is company, three there is none.
If you would not your happiness flaw,
Just take my advice: when you marry your wife,
Never marry your mother-in-law.

2. Our sweet country days I ne'er shall forget.
The walks and the talks were divine;
So I quickly made up my mind to propose,
And pressed the fair girl to be mine.
She accepted, and all the arrangements complete,
From the church doors I led her my wife.
It has proved the worst step I ever did take,
The worst I e'er took in my life.

3. Our honeymoon over, to town we returned.
Then came to my bliss the first flaw,
For to my surprise, at the doorway I saw
My own darling mother-in-law.
My wife said, "Dear Charlie, you pray must forgive.
I quite meant to mention it, dear.
In order to add to our comfort and joy,
Dear Mother will dwell with us here."

4. From that very day there's been nothing but strife.
I'd rather be single by far;
For my wife will do nothing before, as she says,
She goes and consults dear Mamma.
Mamma can do this. Mamma can do that.
In fact, dear Mamma reigns supreme,
While in my own house I'm a figure of nought.
My mother-in-law is the queen.

5. All single young fellows, just listen to me:
If you e'er think of taking a wife,
Remember it's not for a day or a year,
But 'tis for the whole of your life.
If you want to be happy the whole of your days,
With freedom from all that will bore,
If your mother-in-law wants to marry you too,
Be sure that you fasten the door.

Subject: Lyr Add: MY MOTHER-IN-LAW (Adolphe Flamant)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 01:22 PM

From the sheet music at The Library of Congress American Memory Collection:


MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
Adolphe Flamant
New York: Edward Schuberth & Co., 1876.

1. I married a woman of sweetness and truth, and beauty without a flaw;
But over my head hung like Damocles' sword, that horror, a mother-in-law.
So upright and downright in person and looks, she embodied the dismal old saw
Of a scolding and pushing, worrying, bothering bore of a mother-in-law.

2. She came to live with us. Sure chaos and wreck would be the result I foresaw,
So I gave my cigars and my meerschaum, with groans, to a friend with no mother-in-law.
One night as we sat by a blazing wood fire, when the days had grown chilly and raw,
"How cozy and nice you would look with a pipe! Don't you smoke?" said my mother-in-law.

3. Did my ears hear aright? Yes, bless her dear heart! "Don't you smoke" was the first happy straw
To show how the wind blew and clear up the clouds betwixt me and my mother-in-law.
And oh, she is the kindest, dearest and best old darling that ever I saw.
My mother I love, my wife I adore, but I worship my mother-in-law.

Subject: Lyr Add: MY MOTHER-IN-LAW (George Stevens)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 04:49 PM

From the sheet music at The Library of Congress American Memory Collection:


MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
Words and music by George Stevens
New York: C. H. Ditson & Co., 1873.

1. Did yez iver see my mother-in-law?
She's the mosht angilic crachure in the world;
She's a variegated countenance,
And an ornimintal topknot curl'd,
And her name it is Maginn,
And it isn't any sin
For to say that she's a foightin' animoile;
For aitch hour of the day,
If I happen in the way,
She is kickin' up a rumpus all the whoile.

CHORUS: Och, she's sich a darlin' mother-in-law,
That of coorse I cannot hilp adore
This inistimable lady who's the mother of my betther half,
An' sure she is my mother-in-law.

2. Och, she loves me as a cow loves chaze,
And 'tis mutual wid mesilf I'm sure,
For I'm certain she's as shwate to me
As a garlic to an epicure;
For she howls around the house
Loike a darlin' little mouse
In the talons of a cruel pussy cat,
And she gabbles all about
Loike a camel wid the gout,
An' at times a little worse than aiven that.

For she's sich a darlin' mother-in-law, &c.

3. Sure there's not a single day goes by,
But me loife is shwately sayson'd o'er
By a barrel-full of nate regards
From this besht of darlin' mothers-in-law;
For she says that I'm a fool
An' a chuckle-headed mule,
An' a maniacle divil anyhow;
An' becaze I don't agree
Wid her argumint, ye see,
She accuses me of kickin' up a row.

For she's sich a darlin' mother-in-law, &c.

Subject: Lyr Add: HOW I LOVE MY MOTHER IN LAW
From: GUEST,Steve ex RE
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 11:14 AM

I think this is the one you were lookimg for:

How I Love My Mother in Law



One night in gay Paree
I paid five francs to see
A great big fat lady
Tattooed from head to knee
Upon her jaw was a British Man-o-war
So I paid five francs more
And on her lilly white tits, tits, tits
Were a pair of battle ships, ships, ships
And up and down her spine
Was the Royal Engineers in line
On her back there was the Union Jack,
So I paid five francs more to see her big fat bum
Where she had a piacture of the rising sun sun sun sun
And on her fanny, was Jolsen singin' "MAAAMEEE"
How I love her, Oh I love her
And I love my mother in law.

I love my mother in law though
she's nothing but a fucking great whore
She nags me day and night
I can't do fuck all right
She's bald, she's bandy
But she makes my cock feel randy!
How I love her, How I love her
How I love my Mother-in-law

I love my wife (yes I do, Yes I do)
I love the hole She p*sses through.
And her big brown arsehole too
I love her tits (tiddley its, tiddley its)
and her big round fucking hips
I'd eat her sh*t with a rusty spoon (rusty spoon, rusty spoon)
But her mother'll be here soon
And She's bald, she's bandy
But she makes my cock feel randy!
How I love her, How I love her
How I love my Mother-in-law

I love my mother in law though
she's nothing but a fucking great whore
She nags me day and night
I can't do fuck all right
She's bald, she's bandy
But she makes my cock feel randy!
How I love her, How I love her

Tonight I'll grease the stairs,
Put tin tacks on the chairs
I hope she breaks her back
I look so nice in black
The insurance comes in handy
She's bow-legged knock kneed and bandy,
She's coming round to to stay,
Pity she's in the familly wa-a-hay (way)
And isn't it a pity she's only one titty,
But how I love,
How I love her
How I love my mother in law.

I love my mother in law though she's nothing but a fucking great whore
She nags me day and night
I can't do fuck all right
She's bald, she's bandy
But she makes my cock feel randy!
How I love her, How I love her
How I love my Mother-in-law

Subject: Lyr Add: HOW I LOVE MY MOTHER IN LAW
From: GUEST,Tom
Date: 20 Feb 11 - 07:13 PM

Hi from my days in the Irish Guards it went something like;

I love my mother in law
She' got an awful jaw
It's going day and night
and I can't do anything right

Put grease on all the chairs
put tacks on all the chairs
And if she does come back
I hope she breaks her neck

Took a trip to gay Paree,
Paid twenty francs to see
A French Striptease artiste
Take her clothes off piece by piece

And tatooed on her back
Was bloody big union jack
And up and down her spine
Were the Irish Guards in Line
And underneath her fanny
Was Al Jolson singing Mammy
How I love her how I love her
How I love my mother in law

Can't remember it all , but this is close.
Hope this helps

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: GUEST,Louise
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 02:36 AM

Just been looking for the lyrics myself my parents and all there friends used to sing this when they got a bit merry. I think it a typical song of the era where teenagers didn't buy a record but the sheet music and all band together for a singalong. hence why everyone has different lyrics (I not remember my parents one being quite so rude but i do remember being shocked!"
Anyway thank soft the helping my memory I think when i next call home i will ave to ask my parents (now in there 70's for the lyrics).

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: GUEST,bradfordian
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 12:04 PM

I loves my mother in law

bradfordian

Subject: Lyr Add: HOW I LOVE MY MOTHER IN LAW
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 12:10 PM

from www.horntip.com
There is a sound clip there too

One night in gay Par-ee,
I paid five francs to see
A big fat French lady,
Tattooed from head to knee.

And on her jaw
Was a British man-of-war,
And on her back was a Union Jack,
So I paid five francs more,

And running up and down her spine
Was the Bangkok Hash in line,
And on her lily-white bum
Was a picture of the rising sun,

And on her fanny
Was Al Jolson singing Mammy,
How I loves her, how I loves her,
How I loves my mother-in-law.

I loves my mother-in-law,
She's nothing but a dirty old whore,
She nags me day and night,
And I can't do fuck-all right,

She's coming home today,
But I hope she stays away,
Now isn't it a pity,
She's only one titty,
And she's in the family way.

Last night I greased the stairs,
Put thumbtacks on the chairs,
I hope she breaks her back,
Because I do love wearing black.

She drinks all my brandy,
And makes my dog feel randy,
How I loves her, how I loves her,
How I loves my mother-in-law.

Subject: Lyr Add: WHEN HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW'S AT HOME
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 05:41 PM

From The Best College Songs compiled by Emil Schwab (Boston: C. E. Brown & Co., 1897), page 60:


WHEN HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW'S AT HOME.
Words by McAvoy. Arr. By George Purdy.

1. How fond of his wife is the young married man
When his mother-in law's at home!
To prove how he loves her, he does all he can,
When his mother-in law's at home.
At his quiet behavior his comrades all grin.
At ten every evening he's bound to be in,
And the atmosphere's full of the odor of gin,
When his mother-in law's at home.

CHORUS: No more standing at the corners of the streets.
No more winking at every girl he meets.
Goodbye, latchkeys; farewell, fun.
Goodbye, staying out till half past one.

2. How nicely he takes out the baby to walk,
When his mother-in law's at home!
How choice his expressions, how mild is his talk,
When his mother-in law's at home!
He seldom gets cross and he never will swear.
Cold mutton three days without grumbling he'll bear,
For he knows the true worth of his eyes and his hair
When his mother-in law's at home.

3. You can tell if you don't hear him whistle or sing,
That his mother-in law's at home.
You can swear if he's seen with his eye in a sling,
That his mother-in law's at home.
If his friends say he looks like a half-famished rat,
And he carries a scratch from his chin to his hat.
You can tell when he says it was done by the cat,
That his mother-in law's at home.

4. He looks as if hunted from pillar to post,
When his mother-in law's at home.
He silently creeps off to bed like a ghost,
When his mother-in law's at home.
The day comes at last when she has to depart.
He tries to look grieved but there's joy in his heart.
That night on a terrible spree he will start,
When his mother-in law's at home.

LAST CHORUS: Lots more standing at the corners of the streets,
Winking, blinking at every girl he meets.
Out come latchkeys, now for fun!
Don't go home until it's half-past one.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: How I loves My Mother In Law
From: GUEST,Dazzler
Date: 24 Jul 19 - 08:42 PM

My dad used to sing this in the pubs after a few fine ales,,


One day in gay paree
I paid 5 francs to see
Tattooed from head to knee
There was a big fat gay Sheree
And on her back was the Union Jack
So I paid 5 francs more
And up and down her spine
Was the anti tanks in line
And on her pritty white bum bum bum
Was a picture of the rising sun sun sun
And on her fanny
Was al Jonson singing mammy

Oh I love her I lover lover
I love my mother in law

She’s a rag a bam shag a bam
Dirty old whore bag
That’s my mother in law
She needs a rooting tooting
Fucking executing
Hit with a circular saw
She’s fine and she’s dandy
She makes my dog feel Randy

Oh I love her I lover lover
I love my mother in law



I love my mother in law

Subject: Lyr Add: THE WHISTLER’S MOTHER-IN-LAW
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 25 Jul 19 - 06:35 PM

Another mother-in-law song!

I transcribed these lyrics from the recording at the Internet Archive:


THE WHISTLER’S MOTHER-IN-LAW
Words and music by Bert Stevens & Larry Wagner, ©1941.
As recorded by Orrin Tucker and his Orchestra, 1941.

If you’re whistlin’ ‘cause you’re happy, be very careful, Pappy.
No tellin’ just what a whistler’s mother-in-law will do.
Although Mammy’s around the kitchen attendin’ to her stitchin’,
There’s Granny behind the door keepin’ an eye on you.

She’s got a direct suspicion you aim to do some fishin’.
Your whistlin’, I declare, gave it away for sure,
But I reckon you might ‘a’ known it; might just as well postpone it.
You ain’t gonna go nowhere ‘cept on a lecture tour.

“John, John!” That’s what she’ll be callin’.
“Hurry up and hoe that corn!”
Dog-gone! I bet she’s only stallin’.
That old lady’s up to somethin’ sure’s you’re born.

Just you listen to Granny cackle! She found your fishin’ tackle.
A whistle for all your plans now for the good they’ll do.
Look at Granny; she’s got the flivver; she’s headin’ for the river.
Well, isn’t that like a man’s mother-in-law for you?

- - -
According to the catalog entry at Mississippi State University, there is a missing verse that begins: “Hey, pa! Say, pa! I hear you, pa Hey, what a'ya….”.

The internet Archive also has recordings by:
Milt Herth Trio (instrumental)
Shep Fields and His New Music (instrumental)
Bing Crosby and Muriel Lane, with Woody Herman’s Woodchoppers
Herschel Howells & Al Peterson (instrumental)