BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us

Subject: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 09:31 PM

I received this in an email, and thought it might be of interest to some folks here:

30 Things Hurricanes Teach Us

1. An oak tree on the ground looks four times bigger than it did standing up.

2. Even after all these years it is still nice to spend time with Col. Mustard in the ballroom with the lead pipe.

3. When house hunting look for closets with lots of leg room.

4. Water from the shower is much colder than water from the kitchen sink--and tastes just as bad.

5. AA, C and D are the only alphabet we need ( batteries )

6. The four-way stop is still an ingenious reflection of civility.

7. Radio can be the best way to watch television.

8. Chain-saw wielding men are nothing to be afraid of.

9. SUV's are the best makeshift tents on the market.

10. You can use your washing machine as a cooler.

11. It's your God given right to sit on your back porch and eat Chinese takeout by candlelight in your underwear.

12. We shouldn't complain about "useless" tools in the garage-- we actually DO need a generator

13. You can' t spell "priceless" without I-C-E.

14. Downed power lines make excellent security systems.

15. Lakes can generate waves.

16. Gasoline is a value at any price

17. Cell phones: Breaking up isn't hard to do.

18. The life blood of any disaster recovery is COFFEE

19. The need for your dog to go out and take care of business is directly proportional to the severity of the storm.

20. Candlelight is better than Botox--- it takes years off your appearance

21. Air Conditioning: BEST. INVENTION. EVER. PERIOD.

22. Water is a comfort food. But 3-day-old Cheetos are too.

23. Shadow animals on the wall---still fun.

24. No matter how hard the wind blows, roadside campaign signs will survive.

25. You should never admit to having power at your house in the presence of co-workers or neighbors, who do not.

26. There's a plus to having NOTHING in the refrigerator.

27. Getting through the day should be an Olympic event.

28. The movie theater can be a most pleasant place, even if the feature is Alien vs. Predator

29. Somebody's got it worse.

30. Somebody's got it better. Obviously, they're getting preferential treatment.

Subject: RE: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 09:39 PM

31. With enough wood/charcoal, you CAN use all that defrosting meat from the freezer....

Subject: RE: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: harpgirl
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 11:23 PM

32. The contractor will charge you at least thirty percent more than he estimates to repair your roof when a forty foot live oak falls on it!!!

Subject: RE: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: freightdawg
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 11:47 PM

Re: # 5

Thanks for the clarification. I was wondering if you were refering to....oh, never mind.

Love # 2 and # 23

Freightdawg

Subject: RE: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 02:37 AM

#33: (The ever-popular) "We ain't the dominant species we think we are." (Until we start helping each other survive and recover) Tw

Subject: RE: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 07:04 PM

The thing I found incredible about the Florida storm precautions (I am talking three years ago) was that everybody used to rush to Home Depot to buy plywood to board up their windows, but nobody to my knowledge had ever given any thought to securing their roof against being blown off.

I developed a very simple method which I used on my dwelling in South Miami, admittedly it was never put to a really severe test, but I am quite sure it would have protected the roof against being torn off even by a tornado.

When I return to Florida maybe I will set about marketing it ...

Subject: RE: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 10:54 PM

34: Even GOD gets pissed at the Bushes....

Subject: RE: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: iamjohnne
Date: 16 Sep 04 - 11:03 PM

20. Candlelight is better than Botox--- it takes years off your appearance


My mother in Miami told me to get an oil lantern. That way when we sit down to eat a meal, the light isn't glaring like it would with a flashlight. I don't know about you but when there is a hurricane blowing 80mph winds around outside, ambiance isn't the primary thought on my mind.

Johnne

Subject: RE: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: jeffp
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 09:17 AM

Hurricane Preparation - The Real Story

"We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological points:

(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.

We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE:

If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane George, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy that states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.

SHUTTERS:

Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:

Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.

Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.

Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.

Hurricane Proofing your property: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc. You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE:

If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES:

If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:

23 flashlights.

At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.

Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)

55 gallon drum of underarm deodorant.

A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)

A large quantity of raw chicken to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)

$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on
your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

Good luck, and remember: Its great living in Paradise."

Subject: RE: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: GUEST,Barry Finn
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 05:21 AM

"That the winds are for blowing>br>
The hurricanes are for showing

The snakes how to swim

And the trees how to bend"

Guy Clark

Subject: RE: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 07:21 AM

........"NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!).......

Presumably it's for chlorinating your drinking water once you've run out of the bottled variety ?

Subject: RE: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 03:11 PM

Thanks, jeffp. It's always best to learn from someone with first-hand, practical experience -- just in case.

Feel kinda guilty LOL at someone else's pain.   Tw

Subject: RE: BS: 30 things hurricanes teach us
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Sep 04 - 10:42 AM

I'd say they teach us to go live somewhere else, trouble is, that usually turns out to be Tornado Alley, Earthquake Central or Flood City.

Then there's the bugs......

LTS