Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy

Subject: Lyr Add: MRS MURPHY
From: John M.
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 02:20 PM

Hello everyone,

I am seeking people who know the following song/recitation:

<e: (typed to a rap beat)
Good morning, Mrs Murphy. I praise your heart and soul.
I tried to fuck your daughter but I couldn't find her hole.

I finally found her hole beneath a golden flock.
God damn it, Mrs Murphy, I couldn't find my cock!

I finally found my cock beneath some folds of skin.
God damn it, Mrs Murphy, I couldn't get it in!

I finally got it in and wiggled it all about.
God damn it, Mrs Murphy, I couldn't get it out!

I finally got it out all black and bruised and sore.
God damn it, Mrs Murphy, your daughter wanted MORE!>

[From: Carol Mandera <mandera(AT)
lewis.MT.net>, Date: 1996/09/08,
Usenet: rec.motorcycles.harley]

The above text is from the Google Usenet archives. I am familiar with the song/recitation "Walking Down Canal Street" which is very similar (from Gargoyle):

CANAL STREET

Walking down Canal Street knocking every door,
Goddamn son-of-a-bitch! Couldn't find a whore.

Finally found a whore, trying to get it in,
Goddamn son-of-a-bitch! Couldn't get it in.

Finally got it in, trying to get it out,
Goddamn son-of-a-bitch! Couldn't get it out.

Finally got it out. The thing was red and sore.
The moral of this story: Never fuck a whore.

You can listen to a version of this song from 1967 here: www.immortalia.com

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: Snuffy
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 03:59 PM

Hi, John. Mostly similar to yours, but the version I learned as a kid has an extra couplet in the middle and another at the end.

Good morning, Mr Murphy. God bless your heart and soul.
I tried to fuck your daughter but I couldn't find her hole.

At last I found her hole underneath her frock,
Then, damn it, Mr Murphy, I couldn't find my cock!

At last I found my cock underneath my hand,
Then, damn it, Mr Murphy, I couldn't make it stand!

At last, I made it stand as straight as any pin,
Then, damn it, Mr Murphy, I couldn't get it in!

At last I got it in and wiggled it about,
Then, damn it, Mr Murphy, I couldn't get it out!

At last, I got it out all rosy red and sore,
Then, damn it, Mrs Murphy, the bugger wanted MORE.

I gave her more and more, as much as I could stand,
And now she's wheeling babies up and down the Strand.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: GUEST,Anon
Date: 13 Nov 10 - 02:00 AM

By golly Mr Murphy, god bless my heart and soul
I tried to fuck your daughter but I couldn't find the hole.
And when I got it in sir, and wriggled all about
By golly Mr Murphy I couldn't get it out.
And when I got it out sir, it was so red and sore
By golly Mr Murphy I'd rather fuck a door.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: GUEST,Sridhar
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 06:26 AM

Here's the version I learnt as a kid:



Good morning Mr Murphy, Sir
God bless your heart and soul
I went to fuck your daughter, Sir
But I couldn't find her hole

At last I found her hole, Sir
It was beneath her frock
But dash it Mr Murphy, Sir
I couldn't find my cock

At last I found my cock, Sir
It was inside my hand
But dash it Mr Murphy, Sir
I couldn't make it stand

At last I made it stand, Sir
It stood up like a pin
But dash it Mr Murphy, Sir
I couldn't push it in

At last I pushed in in, Sir
Your daughter gave a shout
But dash it Mr Murphy, Sir
I couldn't pull it out

At last I pulled it out, Sir
It came out black and sore
But dash it Mr Murphy, Sir
Your daughter asked for more!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Sep 12 - 09:48 AM

This Is The Version I Was Taught :D



G'ord Blimey Mrs.Murphy, G'ord Bless Me 'eart An' Soul,
I Tried Ta Shag Your Daughter, But I Could'nt Find Da 'ole,
When I Found Da 'ole Up Da Pretty Frock, G'ord Blimey Mrs.Murphy I Couldn't Find Ma Cock,
When I Found Ma Cock And 'eld In Ma 'and, G'ord Blimey Mrs.Murphy I Couldn't Get It To Stand,
When I Got It Ta Stand As Straight As A Pin, G'ord Blimey Mrs.Murphy I Couldn't Get It In,
When I Got In And Wiggled It About, G'ord Blimey Mrs.Murphy I Couldnt Get It Out,
When I Got It Out All Red And Sore, G'ord Blimey Mrs.Murphy She Only Asked For More

(SING)
3 Months Later All Was Well,
6 Months Later Belly Begane To Swell,
9 Months Later Belly Went Pop,
Out Come A Baby With A 9 Inch Cook,
Ladies And Gentlman That Aint All,
Poor Little Fuckers Only Got 1 Ball

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: GUEST,Anon
Date: 26 Sep 15 - 01:44 PM

I remember learning this aged 7 on a field trip attended by lads from a Catholic boarding school. Their version referred to Father Murphy,which added a certain piquancy.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 26 Sep 15 - 05:10 PM

Dear Anon,

Wonderful addition, thank you.

For those who come aft...some details will truly make your contribution priceless:

When: approximate Date/Decade
Where: Geographic Location (sw liverpoole or sw Los Angeles)
How: written bawdy or school yard salute
Why: This piece has nostalgia for you

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: GUEST,Anon
Date: 17 Mar 18 - 02:54 PM

Yes me too. I was about 7 or 8 in Littlebeck.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Mar 20 - 09:47 PM

At an all-girls grammar school in London, c 1960, courtesy of a classmate who was the daughter of a vicar.

Good morning, Mr, Murphy,
God bless your heart and soul.
I tried to fuck your daughter,
But couldn’t find her hole.

And when I found her hole, sir,
Underneath her frock,
Gorblimey, Mr. Murphy,
I couldn’t find my cock.

And when I found my cock, sir,
Underneath my hand,
Gorblimey, Mr, Murphy,
I couldn’t make it stand.

And when I made it stand, sir,
As sraight as any pin,
Gorblimey, Mr. Murphy,
I couldn’t get it in.

And when I got it in, sir,
And wiggled it about,
Gorblimey,Mr Murphy,
I couldn’t get it out.

And when I got it out, sir,
All slimy, red and sore,
Gorblimey, Mr. Murphy,
Your daughter asked for more.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: Joe Offer
Date: 29 Mar 20 - 10:12 PM

I learned the goddamn sonofabitch version when I was a teenager (in a Catholic seminary), and it still comes back to me now and then. Now I can't get it out of my head.
-Joe-

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: Jack Campin
Date: 01 Apr 20 - 12:33 PM

I heard the first version of it from the Edinburgh singer Ewan Forfar, but with "Dr Guthrie" instead of Mrs Murphy. Guthrie created an eponymous group of schools around Scotland for kids who had been up to no good (Borstals, reform schools, approved schools or List D schools at other times and places). Easy to see how they might have adapted it to include their patron.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 Apr 20 - 12:42 PM

From Harry Cox, possibly recorded from him by E J Moeran but unpublished
later recorde by Alan Lomax in the 1950s
Jim Carroll

This is an example of a song recorded originally by R J Moeran who sent it to an early Folk Song Journal (singer unidentified)
Only the tune was published with a note that the words were too indecent to include
What should have happened to the song?
Jim Carroll

Girl of Lowestoft or The Hole in the Walll sung by Harry Cox, circa 1950 (rec by Alan Lomax)
If you go To Lowestoft
And ask for the Hole in the Wall
There you’ll find Polly Armstrong
She ain’t got a hole at all

She was a rum one, she was a funny one,
She was a rum one O

At last I found her hole
‘Twas underneath her frock
If you gave me all the world I coldn’t find my cock
She was a rum one etc

At las I found my cock,
My cock was in her hand
And if you gave me all the world
I couldn’t get him to stand
She was….

At last I got him up,
As stiff as a wooden pin
If you gave me all the world
I couldn’t get him in
She was….

At last I got him in
And wriggled him about
If you gave me all the world
I couldn’t get him out
She was….

At last I got him out, he was so stiff and sore,
If you gave me all the world   
I’ll never touch another whore
She was

Alternative first verse
If you go to Lowestoft
Sand ask fro the Rising Sun
There you’ll find two old whores
And my old woman is one

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: GUEST,Jimmy James
Date: 05 Apr 20 - 03:40 AM

Australian kid living in America as an Airforce brat 1974, so aged 11.

Good morning Mrs Murphy god bless your heart and soul
I took your daughter out last night but could not find her hole
And when I found her hole beneath her pretty frock
Be buggered Mrs Murphy I could not find my cock
And when I found my cock stiff as a rolling pin
Be buggered Mrs Murphy I could not get it in
and when I got it in and wriggled it about
Be buggered Mrs Murphy I could not get it out
and when I got it out stiff, swollen, red and sore
be buggered Mrs Murphy I ain’t taking your daughter out no more.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: GUEST,Celeste
Date: 26 Nov 20 - 11:17 AM

I learnt this rhyme as a teenager in Pretoria, South Africa 1977.
I dont remember which friend taught it to me.
South Africa has loads of British people from all over the UK.
Good laughter & memories

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Feb 22 - 04:48 PM

Sydney, Australia.   One of the teachers in our high school recited it to us, I'd say 1979.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: Joe_F
Date: 26 Feb 22 - 05:31 PM

There is also a song that begins "Take it all in your mouth, Mrs Murphy" -- but I forbear.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: GUEST,James L
Date: 02 Mar 22 - 04:04 AM

I met this version aged 10 or 11 whilst at a boarding prep school in Sussex C. 1959.
There were a number of sons of military officers at the school and my guess is that someone's elder brother knew it.

Good morning Mr. Murphy
May God bless your soul
Last night I fucked your daughter
But I couldn't find her hole

At last I found her hole Sir
T'was underneath her frock
But dammit Mr Murphy
I couldn't find my cock

At last I found my cock Sir
And held it in my hand
But dammit Mr Murphy
I couldn't make it stand

At last I got it stiff Sir
T'was straight as any pin
But dammit Mr Murphy
I couldn't get it in

At last I got it in Sir
And wiggled it about
But dammit Mr Murphy
I couldn't get it out

At last I got it out Sir
T'was bleeding red and raw
But dammit Mr Murphy
Your daughter asked for more!

Why nostalgic? It would be impossible to find it in a playground now, I would guess and it's a reflection of the world within a school in those days.

No two versions are the same.
I like the Lowestoft version!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: Lighter
Date: 02 Mar 22 - 09:51 AM

The version I heard in the U.S. about 1977 told the same essential story though the words, of course, varied.

It began:

"Walking down Canal Street,
Knocked on every door,
Goddamn sonofabitch!
Couldn't find a whore!

When I found a whore,
She was tall and thin,
Etc., etc.

The singsong tune was "The Eentsy-Beentsy Spider."

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Mar 22 - 02:34 PM

Walking down Canal Street feeling destitute
Gosh, darn, sonofagun, couldn't locate a prostitute

We had a clean version, my teen friends and I...