BS: if I owned a pub

Subject: BS: if I owned a pub
From: GUEST,skipy
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 06:47 PM

If I owned a pub I would call it:-

"The temporary sign".

or "under new management"

O/K over to you guys.

Regards Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: WFDU - Ron Olesko
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 07:04 PM

Just like George Bernard Shaw's classic play "Closed for Renovations"

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: WFDU - Ron Olesko
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 07:05 PM

oops.. I think it was actually called "Closed for Remodeling".

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 07:26 PM

I'd call mine "Catch a Salmon", that would insure lots of the non-fishing crowd.

"Where you going, dear?" asked the wife.
"Going to catch a salmon, honey." he answers, "I might be home late."

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 08:09 PM

But be sure to provide a room where they can check their fishing gear...

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 08:35 PM

drink and fight

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Charley Noble
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 08:59 PM

"Swill & Squeal" has always been a favorite of mine.

There's a new pub opening down the block here in Richmond, Maine, down by the waterfront, that is called "The Old Goat." I'm looking forward to hanging out there when it opens.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 09:11 PM

"If I owned a Pub"
TTO: If I ruled the world.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: artbrooks
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 10:44 PM

"Good Beer and Cheap Eats"

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Bert
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 12:00 AM

I'd name it "The World's Worst Pub"

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: open mike
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 02:14 AM

it would have hard cider on tap. and would serve mead as well.
and tequila, and amaretto, and good coffee and juice bar too.
there would be live music, and food, not just popcorn and peanuts,
but stuff you could live on! we would have a sound system so that
people could play and sing and not have to haul equipment, and
all mudcats would be welcome! there would be no smoking (of cigarettes) inside, and no t.v...
(or if there was a t.v. it would have curtains
that pulled closed to hide it) . Another advantage to having food
served is that kids could come in....here in the u.s. if there is
no food served, kids cannot come in. If i could get away with it, I
would have only vegetarian menu items...after all this is an imaginary place and not in the real world...There would be a bicycle rack
for parking, and the place and the bathrooms would be accessible to the disabled. I would hope that there would be jams....perhaps different style music on different days or nights....folk, irish, bluegrass/old timey, blues, etc. there would be cross country skiing in the winter, and a hot tub out back, and a swimming hole near by,
and a floor big enough to hold a contra dance....and it would have a
large labyrinth in the yard...a mosaic pattern with beautiful plants
growing all around it too....and it owuld be co-operatively owned and run by all my friends....and we would be on big happy family...now
is that too much to ask??!!

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 03:20 AM

I would have a low entrance door with the sign outside saying "DUCK OR GROUSE"... My pub would have a bar of al least a mile long....one barmaid for each customer.....all the best beers.....entertainment provided as required(as long as it was Folk music) and the best food prepared by the greatest chef.....coming????
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: GUEST,Sooz (at work)
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 03:37 AM

Smoking would not be allowed! Like the idea of the veggie food open mike.
And of course - there would be a great Folk Club.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 04:04 AM

If I owned a pub I would be dead in six months.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 04:22 AM

"Open All Hours"

24/7

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 05:23 AM

No beer from aluminium kegs
No designer kids drinks
No drinking from the bottle
No smoking
No juke box
A set of 'house' instruments [no bodhran]
Log fires in winter
Every malt whisky available.
Open 3pm to 3 am

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 06:06 AM

Black Sheep Special.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 06:17 AM

If I owned a pub I doubt if would last as long as 6 months. After all having to road test 24 real ales every hour on the hour to see if they are fit for consumption is quite demanding, but necessary.

My pub would have proper pub games, a piano (tuned in the traditional manner - by pouring beer in it), NO JUKEBOX, real food, room for a good singaround etc. etc.

I would call it the Staggering Peasant

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Leadfingers
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 06:35 AM

Why Do So Many Of These Posts Make Me Think Of 'THE MUDCAT TAVERN' ?

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: GUEST,Morris-ey
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 06:39 AM

"The Duncan Disorderly"

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 08:25 AM

Ferret and Flugelhorn
OR
Slug and Sarussaphone
With free membership of AAAA (for drunken drivers) for all customers.
Draught Metaxas
Locked doors when I "sing".

Open and closed in one night!


RtS

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Chris Green
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 08:31 AM

When Wetherspoon's opened a pub in Coventry city centre they advertised for a name that would reflect the spirit of the city. I sent in two suggestions - "The Planner's Head" and "The Bomb and Bulldozer". Both, unsurprisingly, were rejected!

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 09:01 AM

I would call it the Bell and Shipyard for local reasons..No juke Box, no gambling, no American Beer. Bach all day, acoustic folk all night.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 09:22 AM

I think the name A Scotch & Awry would be apt.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Bill D
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 10:27 AM

tsk...there are plenty of "American beers" that are perfectly good, 'guest'...you have been in the wrong pubs!

Roger...Metaxa? Yes! The Grand Fín, please!...and I'd love to have one to Sarussophone music!

When I was in college, the local hangout was called "The Alibi"...I've always thought that was a good name.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: jimmyt
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 12:19 PM

OOopen Mike, You make me want to actually go out and try your plan! It sounds fantastic

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Chris Green
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 12:25 PM

If it was in a flood plain, like Leamington for example, I'd call it the Mask and Snorkel.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 12:28 PM

There is only one Metaxa ***

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: frogprince
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 12:32 PM

When are you opening, Mike? I'd fly all the way
from the States just to drop in. Do I have to
wear clothes in the hot tub?

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: open mike
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 01:05 PM

this will be in the states...and shuttle service, to boot!
(clothing optional...)

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Blowzabella
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 03:37 PM

...it would be in the middle of nowhere and have no neighbours.

I would serve food - two types of stew - with meat and without. Nothing else. Served with big chunks of wholemeal bread and butter.

Beer would be gravity fed and there'd be cider and mild and bitter but no lager or trendy alcopops. There'd be no crisps or nuts either I'm afraid - just stew (with or without) (But a little man would come round each night selling cockles, mussels and prawns)   

It would have flagged floors and roaring fires and settles and no piped music or jukebox or machines or big screen television.

There would be live music (no PA - sort out your own balance) and musicians would know innately when a singer wants to be accompanied and when he/she doesn't. (Shaky eggs would be banned along with juke boxes though, I'm afraid)

Children - now there's a toughy - I'm afraid, as it's my pub, only under strict observation - if they didn't appreciate the ambience, they'd have to wash up! None of this, if they don't learn to behave here where will they learn business - they've got to learn how to behave before they come, I'm afraid (it IS my pub)

Dogs - on the other hand - would be welcome.

And I'd serve breakfast (well, stew, two types - with and without)

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 04:18 PM

Can I order one of your pies Mrs Miggins?

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Blowzabella
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 06:15 PM

I don't do pies - just stew - what sort do you want?

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 06:41 PM

It would cater to the historical re-enactor, folk music, and muzzle loading crowd (perhaps those who, like myself, can play a [unloaded!] rifle barrel). I'd call it "The Cock And Balls." Or maybe "The Horn and Cock."

No juke box, no Muzak, no electronic amplification allowed. If no one is playing and/or singing you have to talk to each other in moderate tones. Laughing, singing, and shouts of joy are encouraged.

Disputes that cannot be settled in other ways will be settled out back, honorably, with the weapons of gentlefolk.

A set price -- all drinks are $2.00 US for a pint of beer or ale; $3.50 US for good liquor. There is a $1.00 tax charged for beers such as Budweiser, however. No drink will be server that requires a blender (except for Whiskey Sours), has chunks of fruit in it, or requires a little umbrella. Liqueurs are available, but anyone asking for something like "Creme de Bubblegum" will be assassinated.

There is stew with and without and chunks of good bread with good butter; but you are free to cook anything else you want as long as a) you cook enough for everyone and b) you clean up afterwards.

Bushes and gazebos are available for any hank-panky.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Blowzabella
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 06:53 PM

Oi - Rapaire - your place sounds remarkably like mine - shall we start franchising? 50/50???

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 08:53 PM

Okay, let's go for it.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 09:08 PM

If I owned a pub, I'd have a monthly William Shatner theme night. Everyone could dress up in Star Trek costumes and drink "Romulan" ale. Klingons would, of course, be welcome.

Maybe a monthly William McGonagall poetry night too. McGonagall sounds very good when read aloud either by or to the inebriated.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 09:34 PM

You said McGonagall!

THE TEMPERANCE ARMY
By LH-knows-who

Come all ye friends, and citizens,
      Where-ever you may be,
Come listen to a few kind words
      A friend will say to thee,
Although going to speak to you
      I mean you all no harm,
Tho' I wish you'd join the army
      Of the temperance reform.

Come join the glorious army
      Of the temperance reform,
And every man that joins the ranks,
      Will find it is no harm,
To wear Red Ribbon on his breast,
      To show to this rare world,
There is one that joined the army
      And his colors has unfurled.

Come all men in our nation,
      Come join this happy band,
And make your homes an eden,
      Throughout our happy land.
Your homes will then be happy,
      Your friends will all be kind;
And in the domestic circle
      True happiness will find.

Ah, from this temperance army,
      Your feet shall never stray.
Your mind will then be balmy
      If you keep the shining way.
Your paths are strewn with flowers,
      And your homes are rosy light,
And God will watch the hours,
      For He's ever on the right.

Come all ye merry happy lads,
      And listen to my rhyme.
Don't be afraid to join the pledge
      And let be the cursed wine.
Ah, lay the flowing bowl aside,
      And pass saloons if you can,
And let the people see that you
      Can be a sober man.

Go join the temperance army,
      And battle for the right,
And fight against the enemy
      With all your main and might.
For it is a glorious army
      This temperance reform,
And the badge Red Ribbon
      Will do you all no harm.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 09:40 PM

hello,
if i owned a pub I would call it
jOhns bear ship, i would serve big meat pies, and smoking would be compulsory.
I used to work in a slaughterhouse, so i would kil animals in the garden, and make the pies myself.
and there be loads of music, i would tell all the music and singing people to go, and give them free meat pies and bears.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Bill D
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 10:47 PM

oh, there are several Metaxas...all good, but one better

left to right, from happiness to Nirvana...

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 10:52 PM

yOU WOULDN'T SEE ME IN THERE IF SMOKING WAS COMPULSORY!

dAMNED CAPS LOCK!

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Amergin
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 11:25 PM

I would call mine Please Puke Outside.

I would have grand live music on the weekends a poetry session some nights...maybe even a movie once in a while....also it would have good food...fish...burgers...lambchops...and a veggie menu...also the chips would be as thick as my wrist and as big as my hand...and you would get a huge platter of them as a stand alone...and a plate of them as a side. It would serve cider...good beer...some of it brewed there...and the rest imported from england and ireleand....and it would have lots of whiskey and other hard liquors and scantily clad barmaids...

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Cluin
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 11:37 PM

Swingin' Dick's

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 03:37 AM

Bill D & Giok:
I'm a *** man myself but if you're buying.....

RtS
(Yamas!)

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: GUEST,skipy
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 03:59 AM

it would sell whelks!

Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 04:27 AM

BillD I have the empty flowery flask which contained what you describe as nirvana to prove, that I've tried it. I still prefer ***
Giok
[I use it for making sloe gin now, even better]

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 04:36 AM

Blowzabella, KIDS ??? no fking way, well maybe boiled or fried.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Gervase
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 10:36 AM

Friend of mine has a lovely local, signposted off the main road with "Warm beer, Lousy food. 1 mile left". Lovely pub - does what it says on the tin!

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Bardford
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 11:53 AM

Little Hawk - you would find no better place for your pub than In this town .

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 11:53 AM

Actually, if I did own a pub I would probably convert it into a hobby shop or an oriental restaurant of some kind.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 01:06 PM

Mine would definitely be named The Grub & Grog... GG's for short, and hopefully for long....

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: GUEST,Jim Dixon
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 01:55 PM

There's a bar in a small town in Wisconsin that has a perpetual sign: "Free Beer Tomorrow."

I'd like to have a band called "Free Beer." With that sign in the window, you'd be guaranteed a crowd, although they wouldn't all be music fans.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Blowzabella
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 03:23 PM

Eric - I KNOW - personally, I'm not one for children in rough dives like mine but, I don't want to alienate customers - oh, sod it, you've talked me round - sorry folks, by an autocratic vote, children are off the menu.

Oh OK - I'll lay on a storyteller at weekends to teach them about their forefathers and keep them occupied while parents are enjoying the rest of the facilities - but NO FACE PAINTING!!! Ever - my final word!

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 04:29 AM

Yo Jim Dixon, there is a great band in Hebden Bridge [ West Yorkshire ] called Free Sandwiches.

And actually you don't buy beer you only rent it.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 06:29 AM

If I owned a pub, the sign would say "No booze left" - well I'd be working on it !

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 10:43 AM

So Blowzabella, why wouldn't you want to let the children paint your face?

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: GUEST,Seaking
Date: 08 Oct 04 - 04:08 AM

My parents used to own a pub which I ran when they wanted to get away anywhere. If I owned one I'd sell it.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Joe_F
Date: 08 Oct 04 - 06:13 PM

"draught stout, open fires, cheap meals, a garden, motherly barmaids and no radio" -- George Orwell, "The Moon under Water" (1946), in _The Collected Essays..._, Vol. III, pp. 44-47

The classic pub fantasy. Here is one paragraph:

"And though, strictly speaking, they are allowed only in the garden, the children tend to seep into the pub and even to fetch drinks for their parents. This, I believe, is against the law, but it is a law that deserves to be broken, for it is the puritanical nonsense of excluding children -- and therefore to some extent, women -- from pubs that has turned these places into mere boozing-shops instead of the family gathering-places that they ought to be."

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Ron Davies
Date: 09 Oct 04 - 12:43 AM

If I owned a pub
If I owned a pub in this wicked world
I would tear this
Walmart
Doooowwwwwwwwwn

(or something like that)

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: dianavan
Date: 09 Oct 04 - 04:37 AM

If I owned a pub, it would have beautiful taps and the same food every night - baked beans, barbecued ribs, green salad or potato salad, french bread and good music. Of course I'd never be able to actually pay the musicians but they would all want to hang out there anyway because I would feed them and I would pass the cup in the traditional way.

d

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Oct 04 - 08:52 PM

I'd call mine 'The Office Party'.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Leadfingers
Date: 09 Oct 04 - 10:19 PM

When you get all these pubs open , get in touch - WE can provide the music - though not ALL of it can be just for beer and food - We will need a few bob for travel to the next Wonderful Mudcat Pub !

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Oct 04 - 10:51 PM

The way it will work, Leadfingers, is that each one will have to pay only once per round of pubs. You pay specified amount, drink up, travel to the next pub, pick up the other person's specified amount, drink up, travel to the next pub, pick up - you get the idea. The grand multi-level plan.

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: dianavan
Date: 10 Oct 04 - 02:05 AM

Leadfingers - I offered to pass the cup. I'm sure I could shake a little gold out of the pockets. Maybe a little silver.

d

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 10 Oct 04 - 06:36 AM

I'd play in your pub dianavan, free food, free booze, Pastures of Plenty springs to mind.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: dianavan
Date: 10 Oct 04 - 01:54 PM

Thanks eric, I'd dance, too.

d

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 10 Oct 04 - 03:05 PM

If i owned a pub, i'd call it The Degenerate Swine. Every second drink would be free, smoking, swearing, fighting and other dubious activities would be actively encouraged. I wouldn't serve food, as it interferes with the absorbtion of alchohol, but poeple would be welcome to bring their own. There would be plenty of pool tables, and an array of instruments for anyone to pick up and play. It'd be open 24 hours, every day, and preferably frequented by the type of low-life scum i feel most comfortable in the company of.
The whole place would be underground, with huge open fires(ok, i don'tknow how the chimneys would work, but let's face it it's not going to happen!) and i'd have exotic dancers of both sexes and circus performers. In fact, there would be a flame thrower walking around lighting peoples ciggarettes. Oh, and there'd be drink to suit everyones taste, and free water!

Subject: RE: BS: if I owned a pub
From: GUEST,Rusty
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 12:28 PM

Great pub......just there Friday night and plan to go again.....I'll see you there.

Love that Magic Hole beer on tap