BS: Silly rhymes anyone?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 08:01 AM

He who buys land, buys many stones,
He who buys flesh, buys many bones,
He who buys eggs, buys many shells,
But he wo buys good ale, buys nothing else.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 08:52 AM

As I looked out the window,
A man was standing in the street;
He face was full of sorrow,
His shoes were full of feet.


Does anyone have a source and a more accurate version of that?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 09:00 AM

"Thirty days hath September, October June and February...
All the rest have thirty-one, except my brother,
Who got six months."

- Peter Sellers as Hrundi V. Bakshi, in the movie, "The Party"


There was a man sat on a hill,
If he's not gone he's there yet.


I wandered lonely as a clod
Picking up old rags and bottles,
When on the lonely road I plod
I saw a host of axolotls.
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
A sight to make a man's blood freeze.

Some had handles, some were plain-
they were orange, pink, and green, in the main.
My hair stood up, my blood ran cold.
I fled with fear upon my soul.
I find my solace now in bottles,
and I forget them axolotls.

- Alfred E Neuman, Mad Magazine


Scintillate, scintillate, globule sporific,
How I conjecture your nature specific.
Loftily poised in ether capacious,
Strongly resembling a gem carbonaceous.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Hawker
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 06:32 PM

There was a man who lived by the sewer
And by the sewer he died
They didn't know what to call the case
So they called it sewer-side!

I eat honey,
I eat bread
I eat my nails.......
That's how I'm fed!

The dog sat in the fog
The Cat sat on the mat
The mouse sat in the house......
Well, fancy that!

They walked down the lane together
The sky was covered in stars
They reached the gate in silence
And for her, he opened the bars.....
She neither smiled, not thanked him
For that, she knew not how
For he was only a farmer's son
And she was a jersy cow!

Mrs Brown went to town
With her knickers upside down
She did a fart behind a cart
And paralysed the pony
The cart went rolling down the street
And knocked a copper off his feet
Old Tom Brown was having a swim.......
He openeds his Gob and the fart went in.

(for the Americans ..... a copper is a policeman and a gob is a mouth.)

Not last night but the night before
Three little tom cats came knocking at the door
One had a fiddle
One had a drum
And the third had a pancake stuck to his bum.

Mary had a little sheep
With that sheep she went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram.........
Mary had a little lamb!

Cheers, Lucy

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Darkdragonbz in Seattle Wa
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 02:57 AM

I had read this first in a set of books when I was young like 10 or something, that was the early 90s I think. I am currently looking for these set of books, I think they are out of print, this saddens me.
If anyone knows the books in question when I might buy them, please contact me.
Some of the best knock knocks and riddles ever written found in those books.
Sorry to leave such a long reply.
Thanks for your time.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Darkdragonbz in Seattle Wa
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 02:58 AM

Darkdragonbz in Seattle Wa, [e-mail]
I had read this first in a set of books when I was young like 10 or something, that was the early 90s I think. I am currently looking for these set of books, I think they are out of print, this saddens me.
If anyone knows the books in question when I might buy them, please contact me.
Some of the best knock knocks and riddles ever written found in those books.
Sorry to leave such a long reply.
Thanks for your time.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,ib48
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 08:53 AM

every one knows,an elephants nose
reaches right dowwn to an elephants toes   
but i can disclose that an elephants nose   
is an elegant part of an elephants clothes

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 09:53 PM

A tail behind, a trunk in front
Complete the usual elephant.
The tail in front, the trunk behind
Is what you very seldom find.
If for an elephant you should hunt
With trunk behind and tail in front,
The search would occupy you long --
The force of habit is so strong.      -- A. E. Housman

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Shirley.Knott
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 04:06 PM

Ode to the Catsup Bottle

Shake, shake the catsup bottle
First none will come
And then a lot'll

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 04:35 PM

Caesar et sum iam forte,
Brutus et erat,
Caesar sic in omnibus,
Brutus sic in at.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 10:58 PM

From Ogden Nash:

Tiny termite found some wood,
Tasted it and it was good,
And that is why your Aunty May
Fell through through the parlor floor today.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,C.ROWE
Date: 17 May 07 - 10:11 AM

MY RIDING MOWER GOT STUCK
SO I PUSHED IT'S ASS
FINALLY GOT IT GOING
THEN IT RAN OUT OF GAS

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Bill Diamond
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 04:12 PM

There was a fellow from Leeds
Who ate a bag of grass seeds
In a month, silly ass
He was covered with grass
And couldn't sit down for the weeds!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Cliff
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 09:40 PM

This is an amazing thread! The only one I can think of tonight that hasn't already been quoted is:

The boy stood on the burning deck
Playing a game of cricket.
The ball went up his trouser leg
and stumped his middle wicket.

Sorry.
Cliff.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: topical tom
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 05:28 PM

The cow is of the bovine ilk.
   One end is moo, the other milk.

                   ...Ogden Nash

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 07:34 PM

The boy stood on the burning deck,
Eating peanuts by the peck.
The flames rose up and burned his chin,
But still he poked the peanuts in.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 03:06 AM

Madam,
I'm Adam.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 03:10 AM

From Dorothy Parker (IIRC):

Higamus pigamus,*
Man is polygamous.
Hogamus, pogamous,
Woman monogamous.



*Not sure I spelled "higamus" (or some of these other words) correctly. Haven't found them in the dictionary to check yet. *g*

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,Ashamed to remember
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 02:39 PM

The portions of the female which appeal to men's depravity
Are fashioned with extraordinary care
And what at first appears to be a simple little cavity
Is really an elaborate affair;
There's the vulva, the vagina, and then the perineum,
There's the hymen, that is often found in brides,
There's the cervix and ????, you'd love them if you'd see them,
And heaven knows what else there is besides;
Is it not a pity then, that when we common people chatter
Of all the mysteries of which we've heard,
That they use for such a complex and ????? matter,
Such a very short and vulgar little word?

Supposedly written by some politician (?Balfour) during a debate in Hose of Commons about a century ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Folkiedave
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 03:22 PM

Try googling for the Doctor's Lament!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 04:30 PM

Well, it's more blank verse than rhyme, but here's a little ditty that popped into my erstwhile-philosophy-major head one day:

Well, Friedrich Nietszche,* but Emmanuel Kant.
You once had high ideals, but Jeremy Bentham.**
Yeah, Friedrich Nietszche, but Emmanuel Kant,
'Cause he's an old Whitehead with a partial Plato.***


I think this qualifies as silly.






*"needs ya"
* "bent them"
***"plate - o"

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 05:10 PM

(I think the exact quote is:

Hogamus, higamus,
Men are polygamous.
Higamus, hogamous,
Woman monogamous.

supposedly, some famous writer woke up in the middle of the night with this inspired bit of wisdom, and scribbled it down...and that is what they found in the morning.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 07:44 PM

Well, "the google" tells me that this particular silly (albeit insightful?) rhyme has been variously attributed to Ogden Nash , William James , and (most often, in recent years) Dorothy Parker

This latter source also cites a reply, allegedly from Theodore Roosevelt:
"I'd prefer a polygamist who does not polyg to a monogamist who does not monog."

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 07:46 PM

Let's try those links again:
Ogden Nash

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 07:48 PM

OK, I figured out what I did that made the clickies not turn out clickable. Fixed it.

William James or Dorothy Parker

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 10:53 PM

According to H. L. Mencken in _A New Dictionary of Quotations_ (1942), s.v. Man and Woman, "Hogamus higamus,..." is "Anon.: Doggerel in circulation in the American colleges, c. 1895". That makes it too early for either Ogden Nash or Dorothy Parker, but William James is still conceivable.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: An Buachaill Caol Dubh
Date: 21 Dec 07 - 11:18 AM

And Henry James is incomprehensible.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Dec 07 - 12:23 PM

..which reminds me of THIS one:
There's a notable clan yclept* Stein;
There's Gertrude, there's Ep, and there's Ein.
Gert's prose has no style,
Ep's statues are vile,
And nobody understands Ein.







*yclept...look it up, it's the original form of the poem.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Flash Company
Date: 22 Dec 07 - 11:19 AM

Consider the life of the camel,
It goes days on end without drinks,
And spends all it's life in the desert,
Attempting to bugger the Sphinx.
But the Sphinx's posterior channel,
Is blocked tight with the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump of the camel,
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile!

Merry Christmas
FC

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bert
Date: 22 Dec 07 - 12:38 PM

Ha ha ha
Hee hee hee
elephant's nest up a rhubarb tree
I climbed up the tree
to get the eggs
and all the yellow
ran down my legs.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,strad
Date: 23 Dec 07 - 11:35 AM

Either Max Miller or Max Wall got chucked off BBC Radio for this:

When roses are red
They're ready for plucking
When girls are sixteen
They're ready for...Good night everyone!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 23 Dec 07 - 03:56 PM

How odd of god to choose the jews!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 24 Dec 07 - 02:39 AM

Is the credit due
The beer He brew?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,Susan
Date: 04 Mar 08 - 02:27 AM

Little Willy in his brand new sashes
Fell in the fire, and was burned to ashes
Now even though the room grows chilly
I haven't the heart to poke poor Willy

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 04 Mar 08 - 09:36 PM

Ogden Nash replied to Dorothy Parker:

The girl who is bespectacled,
She may not get her necktackled,
But safety pins and bassinets
Await the girl who fascinets.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Flash Company
Date: 13 Mar 08 - 11:35 AM

Seen recently and worth passing on (Dubiously attributed to Mae West)

Dear Mr Hoare Belisha,
Your name's now as famous as mine,
If your b***s are as big a your beacons,
Come up and see me sometime!

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,Jim Stinson
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 06:45 PM

How odd
Of God
To choose
The Jews.
--------
Not odd
Of God;
Goyim
Annoy'm.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 08:33 PM

A young lady who lived near the Bosporus
Was seduced by a red-eyed rhinoceros.
    Said she, with a shriek,
    "His horn is unique
And leaves mere men looking preposterous."

*

The unrefined and sluggish mind
Of Homo javanensis
Could only treat of things concrete
And present to the senses. -- W. V. O. Quine

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,Nadia
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 04:14 AM

Postman Pat Postman Pat
Postman Pat ran ver his cat
All the guts were flying
Pats was really crying
PAts will never drink and drive again

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 05:39 AM

Dewey was the morning upon the First of May
and Dewey was the Admiral down in Manila Bay
and dewey were the Spaniards eyes
those orbs of black and blue
and dew we feel discouraged?
I dew not think we dew!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,JAB Swing Low Sweet Chariot
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 01:57 PM

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
her knickers all tattered and torn
It wasnt a spider
that sat down beside her
T'was little boy blue with his horn.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 09:59 PM

There was a young lady frome Nizes..
who had breasts of two different sizes..
one was small
nothing at all..
the other was LARGE
and won prizes.

Love, Annamill

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Acorn4
Date: 21 Mar 09 - 06:31 PM

L O L O
A Q I C
I 8 2 Q
B 4 I P

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Mar 09 - 06:49 PM

IF2Q
2PUC
UCIC
AQ2P

Reminds me of the Ronnie Corbett/Barker sketch where one of them is the waiter and the other a customer in a cafe/restaurant.

(C)FUNEX
(W)SVFX
(C)FUNEM
(W)SVFM
(C)OK, MNXSOK
ONAT2!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,laurence garnier
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 05:52 AM

just a few,

Mary lived in a mountain glen
she pleasured herself with a fountain pen
the nib came off and the ink ran wild
Mary's known as the blue black child.

Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was white and whispy
along came foot and mouth desease
and now its black and crispy

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 06:58 AM

I went to the pictures tomorrow
I got a front seat at the back.
A lady gave me a banana-
I ate it and gave it her back.
I went round a straight crooked corner
And saw a dead donkey alive ;
So I pulled a knife and I killed it
And that's how the dead donkey died.

In the merry month of Liverpool
In the city of July
The snow was raining heavily
And the streets were awful dry.
The elephant is a bonny bird
That flies across the sky ;
It makes its nest in rhubarb trees
And whistles like a fly.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 10:24 AM

The one I know is,

Mary from the mountain glen,
Seduced herself with a fountain pen,
The pen it broke and the ink went wild,
She gave birth to a blue black child,

And they called the bastard Stephens,
They called the bastard Stephens,
They called the bastard Stephens..........
Cos that was the name of the ink, quink, quink.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 11:12 AM

How odd of god to choose the jews!

It was not odd. The Jews chose God.

(that's how i learned it!)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 11:43 AM

..and from MY younger days.

"How odd of God
To choose the Jews"

"But not so odd
As those who choose
A Jewish God,
Yet spurn the Jews."

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 11:45 AM

"O civile si ergo!
Fortibus es in ero.
O nobili demis trux.
Watis inem? Causand dux."


and 200