Obit: Sparky

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Big Mick
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 09:27 AM

kat, if you go back and read this thread you will note that it disproves your original post. You said:

...no more stories, no more songs...

The simple truth is that your father lives on in the things you share with those of us that care about you. He will live on in that beautiful boy that your daughter has given us. He will live on in the hidden treasure of the music he listened to and sang for you. I often say that we must now look in others for the voice of those that have passed. But for several years now I have marvelled at how you and bet were already making his voice heard. No looking necessary here, dearie. He is alive in you and for you.

I can tell a lot about folks by their children. Sparky raised a remarkable woman in you. God be good to him.

Love and prayers,

Mick

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 05:43 AM

Oh, Kat, hie fiddle- what a gift. And thanks for the wonderful cowboy poem/prayers.
We sang for you and Sparky again last night. Keep remembering how you are loved.

Love,

Allison

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: GUEST,Jon
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 05:30 AM

I'm sorry kat.

Jon

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Pistachio
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 05:03 AM

Kat,
The sun is caught upon the clouds as I look from this room
through tears that freely fall to ground as I read from the screen
It's twenty years this month now here, since my loved Dad did go
I wonder if he knew how much I really loved him so.
The sadness here for your Dad, the words you all do write
bring out the deepest sorrow but help to see the light
of love that is around you, from friends and strangers too
Please accept my sympathy,it's heartfelt - it's for you.
Hazel

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Hrothgar
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 03:39 AM

Thoughts, kat.

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Mudlark
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 01:02 AM

Ah, Kat, so sorry to hear of this. I hope, in fact I'm sure that your writing will be of great help to you in healing from the grief death brings. You will reap such benefits from all the talking you did together, all the time you put in to make sure your relationship with him remained rich and fulfilling. You were both very lucky to have each other. And to have his fiddle...perfect.

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 11:38 PM

He had a great face, kat. Kind of bony and angular, cowboy-tough but with that slight twist of a grin and eyes squinted from looking into the wind and the sun. I liked the Cowsongs, too.
It hurts I know, but someday you'll need an answer to one of life's enigmas, and he'll give you the answer, and you'll know that there's some of him inside you whenever you need him.

Love
LEJ

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: open mike
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 10:57 PM

is Priscilla the same person as BET?
Well, It sounds like it is going to turn out
o.k. then. The fiddle will have so many special memories..
Glad you will be able to have it.
thank you for sharing all of this with us..
it is good to be connected
to your family...

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 09:44 PM

I'm late to the thread, and can't add much to what all these folks have said. Sparky stayed around long enough to put his imprint...especially the musical parts, on those, like you, who needed it. His 'essence' is clear to those who knew him, and you are setting down the details. What more can anyone wish for out of life, than to be remembered fondly and memorialized with the things that matter to him?

...the fiddle will be a good thing to have..............

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 09:04 PM

You are all such beautiful Hearts and Spirits and People. Thank you. I forgot to say please excuse me if it takes me a bit to answer all of your lovely PMs. They are greatly appreciated and I will get back to you.

Thanks, Joy, for sharing that here. It is just beautiful. I'd also like to share this which was a favourite of Dad's:

A Cowboy's Prayer

    Oh, Lord, I've never lived where churches grow.
    I love creation better as it stood
    That day you finished it so long ago.
    And looked upon your work and called it good.
    I know that others might find You in the light
    That's sifted down through tinted window panes,
    And yet I seem to feel You near tonight.
In this dim, quiet starlight on the plains.

    Let me be easy on the man that's down;
    Let me be square and generous with all.
    I'm careless sometimes, Lord, when I'm in town,
    But never let them say I'm mean or small!
    Make me as big and open as the plains,
    As honest as the hoss between my knees,
    Clean as the wind that blows behind the rains,
    Free as the hawk that circles down the breeze!

    I thank you, Lord, that I am placed so well,
    That you made my freedom so complete;
    That I'm no slave to whistle, clock, or bell,
    Nor weak-eyed prisoner of wall and street.
    Just let me live my life as I've begun
    And give me work that is open to the sky;
    Make me a pardner of the wind and sun,
    And I won't ask a life that's soft or high.

    Forgive me, Lord, if sometimes I forget.
    You know about the reasons that are hid.
    You understand the things that gall and fret;
    You know me better than my mother did.
    Just keep an eye on all that's done and said
    And right me, sometimes, when I turn aside,
    And guide me on the long, dim trail ahead
    That stretches upward toward the Great Divide.

    Badger Clark

and, I think Dad would have loved this one I jsut found whilst looking for the above...it would have brought tears to his eyes as it has mine..a great new discovery:

I was moping around the outer corrals
of a friend of mine's ranch one day.
When I seen this old gray haired cowboy,
kneel down to the ground to pray.

He said, "Good morning Sir, it's just me again,
and I reckon I'm feeling alright,
except yesterday's heat hung on for quite a spell
and I didn't sleep much late last night.

But, I thought I'd stop and kinda talk awhile
just to let you know I'm still around.
I haven't accomplished a lot lately Lord,
I'm just trying to hold this cow job down.

Now you know how it is in the cow game Lord,
when the moisture all leaves the ground.
The grass all dies and the sand starts to blow
and it kinda of keeps the calf crop down.

Ya see, the water holes are nearly dried up Lord
and the cattle's getting thinner somewhat,
but, five or six days of good heavy rain
it'd sure help out a mighty lot.

Now I ain't got no favors to ask for myself,
I reckon things are alright by me,
except that climb to my saddle gets higher everyday
or maybe my knees are getting weak.

So excuse me Sir for taking up your time
but I had a few things to say,
we could sure use a little bit of moisture Sir
if you'd care to send a little bit our way."

Well I slowly turned and I walked away
and I stepped thru the door of a shed,
and I was down right ashamed for standing so quite
eaves-dropping the way that I did.

Just to think this old man, just a common hard hand,
although he never asked a thing for himself,
yet he knelt and talked to God like a friend
as he prayed for somebody else.

Well, we missed that old man at breakfast next morn
when he didn't sit down to his plate
and when we went to the bunkhouse we'd found him dead
but he died with a smile on his face.

And if you should wonder if this story is true
or if maybe it's just a refrain,
when we buried that old cowboy that same afternoon
it had already started to rain.

© Doyle R. Quinn I 1963

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Joybell
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 07:13 PM

Kat, I sent this to you but it occurred to me that it would be good to share here. Not all of it is appropriate for now, but some is. It's by the author of The Desiderata, Max Ehrmann. My grandmother used bits of it through her sermons, back in the early 1920s but it's not well known. It seems to cut across belief systems and I like it a lot.

The Uses of the Stars
(my Grandma's title. Ehrmann didn't give it one.)
      
Let me do my work each day; and if the darkened hours of despair
overcome me, may I not forget the strength that comforted me
in the desolation of other times.

May I still remember the bright hours that found me walking over
the silent hills of my childhood, or dreaming on the margin of a quiet
river, when a light glowed within me, and I promised my early God
to have courage amid the tempests of the changing years.

Spare me from bitterness and from the sharp passions of unguarded
moments. May I not forget that poverty and riches are of the spirit.
Though the world knows me not, may my thoughts and actions be
such as shall keep me friendly with myself.

Lift up my eyes from the earth, and let me not forget the uses of the
stars. Forbid that I should judge others lest I condemn myself.
Let me not follow the clamor of the world, but walk calmly in my
path.

Give me a few friends who will love me for what I am; and keep ever
burning before my vagrant steps the kindly light of hope.

And though age and infirmity overtake me, and I come not within
sight of the castle of my dreams, teach me still to be thankful for
life, and for time's olden memories that are good and sweet; and
may the evening's twilight find me gentle still.

Love, Joy

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: GUEST,Mark Clark
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 02:55 PM

Kat,

I'm so sorry to learn of your dad's passing. Through your stories and his own recordings, I could almost feel as though I knew him a little. Please accept my warmest condolences.

      - Mark

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: RangerSteve
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 01:45 PM

I'm sorry to hear the news. He sounded like a great guy.

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: rock chick
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 01:42 PM

Sounds like you had a great dad, mine was only 49 when he passed away, i still have the occasiponal cry, you have great memories of him which when you are feeling sad and down just think about the good times, they will bring a smile to your face.

Shelagh X

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 11:51 AM

He loved you all.... you all have, and keep, a part of him.... the way they will do the viewing sounds quite wonderful. I hope you will get a chance to hear how that was for the people who were there.

And I'm glad the music part of him you knew so well was something he could share with them, and that they could see it too-- that he affected them the way he obviously did. The "right" parts have a way of making themselves known, don't they?

And the fiddle, that he held close to his heart. Perfect.

~Susan

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 11:35 AM

Ah, my friends, thank you so much. I drew such strength from your kind words and support, yesterday. For my Aunt Helen's sake I was able to stay calm and supportive for her and we had a wonderful couple of hours of her telling me stories about my dad and mom and of her own family. Her mom was my dad's mom's sister.

I have spoken with his widow this morning. She called to let me know they will have a viewing on Thursday for all of his friends. During this they will play his music and display his instruments. Then, on Friday, they will have a graveside service. My sisters and brother all grieved many years ago when he left our family to marry her, and we aren't any of very religious in that way, so I think we won't be going over. I am very okay with that as was my dad. We'd talked about it several times. They don't expect us to make the trip, plus I am not sure I am up to it physically.

I am quite grateful for her call as she went on to tell me that she wants my sister, Priscilla, to have the banjo and me to have his fiddle. What more can I say? They are both family heirlooms and such precious connections to him....I almost can't wait to rub the wood, to feel the bow and place my thumb on the frog just so as he had done. Such a tangible part of him...I am gratefull.

And now to rest, sweet Daddy, and our thanks to you all for listening and caring. My heart is full.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Wolfgang
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 10:55 AM

Very sorry about your loss.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: KathWestra
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 07:41 AM

Love to you, dear one. All's been said so well by others. Your Dad Sparky gave us a wonderful daughter and friend. His songs and his love of life are safe with you. My heart is sad with you, and I wish you the strength to deal with each different day as it rolls around. These things take time, and you'll find yourself surprised by both the good stuff and the sad stuff as it nudges, tickles, or smacks you upside the head at unexpected times. Most important thing to remember is that the cycle of your grief and love is yours alone. Whatever you do, don't let anyone tell you when you "should" be done with it. Much love and a hug from Maine, Kathy

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: fat B****rd
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 04:38 AM

I'm sorry for your loss, Kat. All the best from Charlie.

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Partridge
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 04:06 AM

So sorry to hear this Kat, you know my thoughts on this, I bet Sparky's with you helping you to rise above any pettiness. I send my love to you, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

love

Pat xxxxxx

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Bassic
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 04:05 AM

(((((((((((((Kat))))))))))))))

After the pain and sadness will come the smiles. I think I can see a couple of them in what you have said already. Smile for Sparky and know I and many others will be smiling with you.

Gordon

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: RichM
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 02:51 AM

I'm sorry for your loss.
Bless him, and you.

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: alanabit
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 02:07 AM

Sorry to hear the news. I can't say I know how it feels,because these things are different for every person. It sounds like you made a success of that relationship when he was alive, so no doubt you will make a good job of it now too. Will be thinking of you - along with many folks here.

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 01:04 AM

best wishes from the fringe ...

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: alison
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:43 AM

so sorry kat - much love from Australia

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:38 AM

Kat, You have been blessed with a father that gave you song in your life and heart. That part will never die and I don't think the Spark in Sparky will either. You take care and keep the calm. I send you a hug and my love.
Susie

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:28 AM

I hope you are getting through this okay, Kat. The passing of a parent is a huge crossing in life...one which I have yet to deal with. My dad is 81, and I don't think he'll be here 5 years from now. My mother is about 76, and will probably be around for quite some time yet. But one never can say for sure.

I will be sending my thoughts and prayers your way.

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Melani
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:18 AM

I'm so sorry.

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: KT
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:13 AM

Aw, kat, I'm so, so sorry. There is a void around here tonight as we all share the pain of your loss. Know that you are being held, my friend, by more than you realize. Lots of love to you katdarlin'.

KT

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 10:28 PM

Love and condolences to you, kat.

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 09:38 PM

Hey Kat. I just got my cookie back. I was wondering if Rick has wandered over to welcome Sparky....
A little pickin' and singin' perhaps?
Good thoughts, luv.

Seamus

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 09:36 PM

I suspect he's singing trail songs more lustily than he has in years, and grinning like the cat that swallered the canary. I would be, in his shoes.

A

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 09:32 PM

Kat, I think I've told you that these days when folks ask, "How are you doing?"---I generally answer, "Just fine; I ignore the rest."----And I do my damndest to do just that. It's hard to do sometimes. You gettin' discommoded by the Sackville Baggins's doing their disruptive thing just isn't good for your own health right now.

Art

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: IvanB
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 09:29 PM

kat, I'm so sorry to see this as one of the first threads as I log on tonight. There's little I can do or say to ease your pain, but know that my positive thoughts are wending your way to make their small contribution with those of so many others. I know when my mother died a few years ago, the pain was acute and seemed that it would be endless, but I soon realized that we'd said everything that needed to be said to one another and I was the richer for that. Having read your posts about the sharing between you and Sparky over the past few years, I'm sure your experience will be similar.

Your best memorial to Sparky will be in letting us all see that which he instilled in you. I, and I'm sure many others of this community, will be with you in spirit over the next few days. Be well.

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Boab
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 08:46 PM

I'm with you, Kat; love remains forever, time leaves pain behind. I've been there, once or twice----
Boab

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: GUEST,kmorris
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 08:30 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad.
I lost mine almost 16 years ago. I wish I
was with you to give you a hug and tell you
that he hasn't left you at all. All that energy
that was....is him is still with you and always
will be.

Best
Kathie

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: GUEST,Brendy
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 08:18 PM

Very sorry to hear this kat.
Please accept my deepest condolences to you and your family.

All the best

B.

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: jaze
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 08:08 PM

My deepest sympathy too, Kat. Your were lucky to have him so long and to have such great memories. Always remember that and try not to be too sad. Jaze

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 07:14 PM

I'm sad to hear of your loss, Kat. Losing a beloved parent is too soon whenever it happens. But your dad has left you great memories, songs you can hand on (I know you've already done so), and will certainly be with you as long as any of that remains. On the other hand, maybe at his age and with what he had to bear he was entitled to his rest. It's what life is about. My sympathy to you and your family!

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: maire-aine
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 07:08 PM

Dear Kat, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. But from what I've read, you've been a wonderful daughter-- I'm sure he's proud of you. The next few days and weeks are going to be hard. So gather your family and friends around you, and let them comfort you. Here's one more hug. {{{{Kat}}}}.

Maryanne

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: emjay
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 06:53 PM

So sorry, but glad you had lots of time to talk about everything and heal any thing that might have needed healing.
I'm sure the other family loved and will miss him, too. You each had different times and have different memories. As others have said you can make your own memorial to him where you want it to be. What they are doing will certainly help them grieve.   How wonderful for him that he had all of you to love him.
MJ

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 06:51 PM

You are doing it all exactly right, Kat. I'm sure Sparky's very proud of how you've conducted yourself today, inside and out.

~S~

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Morticia
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 06:30 PM

I'm so sorry,Kat and Bet..........(((hugs)))

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 06:00 PM

Dear Kat:

I loved knowing he was around, even though I had only heard his tape. Hugs and condolences,

A

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: van lingle
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 05:27 PM

My condolences, kat. He sounds like he was quite a guy and he truly left quite a daughter. Dave

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: GUEST,Pete Peterson
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 05:06 PM

Kat--
I am sorry! Sparky sounds like a wonderful guy and it doesn't help today, but as time passes and you can remember the good times, hang on to those times when you can remember the good times!
as for his stepfamily-- it was said above, funerals bring out the worst in people as well as the best. Hope you can concentrate on doing & saying things that will help you feel good about yourself in the day they say's to come.
even in sadness I am quoting Charlie Poole
never thrist Kat
PETE

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From:
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 05:01 PM

Hey pal,

I'm so sorry to read about Sparky. It's a big old hole they leave, those parents. I've got nothing smart to say here, only to send my love and big hugs, which I hope will be remembered in those inevitable times when you think about him and realize that he's gone somewhere else.

So...big hugs. Remember that he's left behind a big chunk of himself in you, one of this little village's great people.

D

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Guy Wolff
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 04:58 PM

KAt . I love you <><<> and tons of hugs . Nothing touchs closer to the heart then the things you are breathing through right now. I realy liked what micca said about the family situation . Its not worth the space it takes up at this indiscribable moment . Im thinking of you all day . Guy

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: Joybell
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 04:54 PM

Dear Kat, We are listening to Sparky's songs. We are so grateful for being able have a little part of him. Thank you so much for sharing him with us. Also for sharing your friendship and memories. Take care. Take yourself off, in your heart, to the wild country where he's surely gone while you have to deal with the awful people. As Micca says he's in our hearts too. Love and gentle thoughts across the miles.
                         Cheery-bye Mr Sparky.

Subject: RE: Obit: Sparky
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 04:50 PM

There are not enough words to tell you all how very thankfull I am for your kindness and support. I should have said more about the step-family as they really aren't in my face as they could be. He'd been with his wife 30 yrs this coming January. He moved away with her and we rarely had a chance to get together. Of course, that didn't stop our sharing and loving each other. I am lucky in that.

The old cemetery where we kids would like him to be is where all of our ancestors are, including his parents, g-parents, etc., but you know what? Micca and you others are right...it's just the old "carcass" as he would call it, that he used while he was here and if it makes her feel better to have it over there, that's fine.

He was not a perfect man. I don't want anyone thinking that, but he and I had made peace, several times over, talked about any subject under the sun and I am at Peace with his passing. Your words have helped me in that, too. Thank you so much.

Once a friend told me she thought maybe I wouldn't be able to finish the book based on Sparky's oral history until he was gone. I was wondering why I just couldn't get motivated to finish it. Well, now I think she was right because my mind has been full of memories this day...maybe things to add to the book...we'll see. He'd seen a ring-binder prototype of it, so I've no regrets about him not getting to see the end result.

Anyway, I think I am rambling...putting off the toughest part of the day...going to tell my dad's cousin, whom I call my "Aunt" Helen, about his passing. They were very close, she was the sibling he never had. Thank goodness she lives nearby so I can tell her in person.

Earlier today I said to Night Owl, "I keep waiting for the way I think I should feel." That's based on what society says about grief, etc., but my dad and I had a strong spiritual sense of the Beyond and I would bet whoever said he and Alba's dad, Tommy, are probably comparing notes on us is right. Today, at this moment, I feel relieved and grateful. Thanks for listening,

luvyakat