BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:30 PM

that would be annisette, layered with bailey's, 3 parts to 2 parts.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 06:09 PM

Got me a case of J2O's in orange and passionfruit.. who's up for a softie?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 07:21 PM

You need to translate (or spell out) that one, Liz.

Rapaire, don't give our incendiary punk any ideas!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:47 AM

Snorting vodka may be okay, but please don't snort tequila. I hear it can really do a number on your sinuses.

I thought we of an un-animal like could walk away from the human animal type, but that is just not happening. We took a short walk around the hemisphere and re-entered with a knowledge that only those who could walk around the full hemisphere in a day could obtain.
In a days walk with cats, a monkey, a duck and a squid, the knowledge that we found in a days walk around the earths hemisphere is that nothing is sacred and everything is considered either eugenic or meat to somebody.
We escaped with our meat. No-one wanted our brains.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 03:03 AM

Too late SRS - the punkoid (while you were busy issuing warnings!) snuck round behind the bar. "What can we find here?"

Along the bottles and optics - cask strength whisky, over proof rum...hey, there's a whole party here!

The punkoid sneaks a bottle of the finest over proof into his poacher's pocket, and "borrows" the finest bottle of cask strength Islay single malt. Before the bartender has a chance to see him, he sneaks back out, and heads outside towards the holly tree.

Reaching into his (somewhat emptied) pockets, he pulls out a cigarette lighter. "This'll make peeing more comfortable!" he says, aiming a jet of over proof at the tree...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 03:58 AM

Down wind of a burning, pee soaked holly tree several small rodents are seen staggering about clutching their throats gasping for air as a shocked punk like figure claws at his now burning genitalia. Yes folks - blow back.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 04:11 AM

Rustic Rebel...you forgot to take the skunk!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:34 AM

This is worse than any skunk. This worse than inside of a camel driver's jockstrap under the burning midday Saharan sun. This is eggy farts, ammonia and pig droppings all in one. This is MEGASMELL.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 11:30 AM

ooooooooooooooo! OUCH! The poor guy is as hairless as a baby's bottom, and has third-degree burns . . .I've never seen a guy do his own bris before, and fire is not the first choice of tools. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 11:51 AM

But it does cauterize the wound. Anyway, in his state he wouldn't have felt a thing, and now won't be able to ever again. At least the hair will grow back.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 11:59 AM

*staggers in, breaking three windows in the proccess*

Shorry i'm *hic* late, folks....i got...*hic* shtopped by some fookin idiot wearing a fookin polshemansh uniforum..looked loike a shtripogram, he did. Tried to shay i wash...*hic* drunk and dishorderly! Bashtard! **sirens wail outside* Jusht *hic* ignore that!
Guessh what i brought! Whipped *hic* cream!!!!

*falls over*

Itsh okaaaaaaay, jusht that fookin floor tripped me up again..*hic* bashtardin floor... hey, anbody wanna play *hic* shtrip poker?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 12:15 PM

Hey BI, you been whisky tasting again? Strip poker is too tame for us, we disrobe with fire.

The smell of singed hair and burning bris still assails the nostrils mixed with that of the holly tree. Although it is not so much a smell as a miasma and almost tangible.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 12:49 PM

*lifts head from floor momentarily*

You accushin me of being under the affluence of incohol? Itsh all liesh! *hic* Liesh, i shay....can shomebody get me shome shmokes? Pleashe....*hic* hehehe, i found a shnorkel on the flor...*hic* whosh ish thish?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:02 PM

As someone in blissful ignorance tries to coax music out of a squid tentacle the remainder of the Tavern patrons cautiously edge away

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:11 PM

Sage spots the neglected harness that was helpful last year when catsPHiddle wasn't quite on her feet yet (and before it was strapped to the christmas tree). She tucks that idea back where it came from--Blissfully Ignorant would not improve by being upright and aided by the harness.

"The recovery ward, I think, is the place for you. Nurse Ratched will be with you shortly." Sage drags and nudges the now sleeping BI through the coat closet and rolls (him? her?) into the nearest empty bed to sleep it off. Much better than accidentally rolling into the jello pit.

"What kind of beer do you have over there, barkeep? I'd like a drink that doesn't burn when exposed to a flame."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:51 PM

Oi! Which one of you degenerates put me in there? I'm sober now....which is a very good reason to get drunk again! Pass me a bottle. Yes, tequila will do nicely....

And who let that squid in?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:55 PM

I think I have everything for Christmas ready - go tht B-I-L a certificate for a 12 step program on overcoming Librarians;

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,The Librarian, Unseen University
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 04:29 PM

A large, orange figure with twice as much skin as it needs to encapsulate it's body, knuckles over to where BI is now drinking herself comatose again. With one hand like a large leather glove, he gently strokes her head whilst thoughtfully eating a banana.

"Ooook? Eeeeek!" he mutters to himself

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 05:27 PM

Nurse Ratched! Another customer over here! He responds well to being dragged by the ear. I wouldn't give him access to an oxygen tank... but you know best. heh heh "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MAG
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 09:55 PM

Waste of good liquor, that. OOH, here comes Animaterra's choral group to do their Solstice songs ... do you know any Artisan??

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Matt_R
Date: 24 Dec 04 - 02:58 AM

MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU LOT!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 24 Dec 04 - 03:39 AM

"YOU LOT" I resemble that remark said the squid recovering its missing tentacle and inspecting the suckers for damage and wondering if it is possible to to play a C tentacle in F. He returns to the jello tank for solace but finds it full of blissful people being ignorantly drunk and wonders at the follies and foibles of mankind. Cephalopod Christmases back home were nothing like this, the odd hermit crab may don a little tinsel occasionally and sharks were known to hit the rum bottle, but that was all. No one lost pieces of their anatomy or got impaled on pine branches, burnt their nuts and suddenly became accidentally Jewish.

This is my last morning at work before the festivities, ho bloody ho, so it's a Merry Winter Seasonal Festival to you all and a Happy New Year.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Pauline L
Date: 26 Dec 04 - 11:37 PM

Mmario, that annisette, layered with bailey's, 3 parts to 2 parts, sounds so good! Would you make one for me and another one for Sinsull? She's got a chest cold, and this might make her feel better.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 01:27 AM

Hoppy New Beer to you all!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 01:39 AM

Looks like someone did some serious cleanup in here while we were away for a couple of days. Good! There was a funny smell coming from over near the side door that, well, good manners prevents me from speculating what it was, but it needed to be cleared up. It's a good thing the port-a-johns are in place.

Now, is Nurse Ratched going to make an appearance one of these days? I believe her alter-ego is at last on the page. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 07:48 AM

"Blimey - that was close! Thank goodness Marks and Spencer are still sufficiently old fashioned to do a good line in asbestos underpants! (And that people here are too polite to look too closely at one's nether regions...)"

The punkoid pauses to make sure that everyone knows that he knows that an orang-utan is NOT a monkey, and squeezes his way back into the bar.

Disguised by his newly clean shaven appearance, and clothed head to toe in soot from a now trimmed holly tree, the punkoid finds his way back to his beloved french horn. "Now for some heavy metal folk..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 09:54 AM

Two drunk-as-a-skunks coming your way Pauline...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Chet
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 10:54 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Chet
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 10:55 AM

I meant to say:

Ooowww! Ouch!

Have YOU ever had your...like in the song...

"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 01:31 PM

Sage eyes the harness at the side of the room, wondering if it will get some use come the New Year's celebrations. The cats stretch on their perches in the rafters and work their way down to the bar for any tidbits missed during the cleanup. A duck waddles out from under the tree, looks el punkoid directly in the eye, and announces "Qvack!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 02:59 PM

Sorry people, i passed out for a couple of days there...OI! Why am i wearing fishing waders and somebody elses pants on my head? *looks round accusingly*

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 04:42 PM

I god a sdinkink cowd add a hed full of stod. Padd ober the hod doddy and let be stuggle up by duh fire.....

LTShooooo

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 05:14 PM

I think we need to turn that coat closet into a sauna so Liz can go sit for a while and bake that cold out of her system. Anyone have some good cedar boards and a heater handy?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 05:22 PM

*pulls cedar boards and heater out of Mary poppins-esque handbag*

There ya go, pal! :0)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 07:48 PM

To quote one of my favourite literary characters...

Thag you bery buch!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 03:56 AM

The punkoid stares back at the duck.

"Transylvanian ducks?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 05:56 AM

As the Transylvanian duck sinks it's beak (?!) into the punkoid's neck, MBS Lynne sinks gratefully into the chair under which she has been crouching all Christmas...."Anyone got a Brandy Alexander? And what food is left? Merry Christmas everyone!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 12:35 PM

"I was thinking more of an Al Capp or Capn and the Kids kid of duck, not a vampire duck" thought Sage. . . "maybe a Shmoo would be better."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 12:43 PM

Vampire Shmoos?


Who wanted to convert the coat closet into a sauna? it doesn't seem to be working - but if we strap that cedar plank to the rotisserie in the fireplace we could "plank" someone as a substitute...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 03:30 PM

Liz should have taken the coats out first. That's all.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 03:18 AM

DAmn... I knew there was something!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 06:37 AM

As the duck honed in on the punkoid, he realised that it wasn't transylvanian after all - it was his good friend, the partially deaf duck. The poor avian was sooooooo pleased to see him after all his adventures, and wanted to thank him for the duck tape with which he had been able to severely incapacitate the squid.

"Hey bartender!" called the punkoid. "You got any Jersey cream?"

"No sir - cream comes from Cows, not Jerseys!" replies the bartender, in his best impression of Jeeves.

"You got ANY cream? From Jersey Cows?"

"I'll have a shot of rum, same of kahlua, and a couple of ounces of cream then. Oh, and pass me that cocktail shaker, will you?"

The punkoid pours the three measures into the shaker, and tango's around the room with it. Once round the room, then pours the well mixed content into a glass.

"Hey doll!" he calls to MBSLynne. "Just to prove I'm not just a dab hand at raising fires, I'm also one meeeeeeeeeean cocktail shaker. Rum Alexander - on the house, Babe!"

The punkoid reaches into his top pocket, pulls out a nutmeg and grater, and, having grated a sprinkling of nutmeg onto the drink, passes it down under the chair.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 11:41 AM

I thought the saying was drunk as a skunk, not drunk as a duck. That bird is going to be plastered. No telling what he might get up to!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 04:18 PM

Quietly, as is his wont, he re-enters and glides to the corner. Once there, he again reaches up and pulls sharply on the dangling....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 04:22 PM

squid tentacle

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 05:01 PM

and releases the harness with which the squid has formed a firm and lasting attachment

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Once Famous
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 05:38 PM

OK, last call. Christmas is over.

Please find someone to drive your drunk ass home.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 06:30 PM

Blow it Martin, Christmas doesn't end until 12th Night!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 07:08 PM

Count on Martini Gibson to put a damper down. It never works on Catters, though, for some reason.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 07:22 PM

...bell rope, and high in the belfry the bells begin to peal a welcome to the new year, even though it's still a tad early. But the real reason that he is ringing the old year out and the new year in is not some excess of enthusiasm for the change of the calendar, but because he holds onto the rope, and the bells pull him up and down -- a ride better than a swing.

"Wheeeeeeeeee!" he shouts.