Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafemuddy

Post to this Thread - Sort Descending - Printer Friendly - Home


BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy

SINSULL 04 Dec 04 - 07:39 PM
Morticia 04 Dec 04 - 07:44 PM
SINSULL 04 Dec 04 - 07:48 PM
Liz the Squeak 04 Dec 04 - 07:59 PM
Deckman 04 Dec 04 - 08:14 PM
LadyJean 04 Dec 04 - 10:20 PM
wysiwyg 04 Dec 04 - 10:49 PM
Ellenpoly 04 Dec 04 - 11:37 PM
katlaughing 05 Dec 04 - 12:22 AM
mack/misophist 05 Dec 04 - 10:14 AM
SINSULL 05 Dec 04 - 10:30 AM
Liz the Squeak 06 Dec 04 - 06:28 AM
LadyJean 07 Dec 04 - 12:18 AM
Peace 07 Dec 04 - 12:21 AM
MMario 07 Dec 04 - 08:28 AM
GUEST,bbc at work 07 Dec 04 - 11:17 AM
GUEST,leeneia 07 Dec 04 - 11:28 AM
GUEST 08 Dec 04 - 02:02 AM
SINSULL 08 Dec 04 - 10:14 PM
AllisonA(Animaterra) 09 Dec 04 - 05:49 AM
GUEST,Ellenpoly 09 Dec 04 - 05:56 AM
Crystal 09 Dec 04 - 08:53 AM
Bunnahabhain 09 Dec 04 - 09:31 AM
kendall 09 Dec 04 - 05:15 PM
SINSULL 09 Dec 04 - 09:39 PM
Deckman 09 Dec 04 - 10:06 PM
kendall 10 Dec 04 - 07:08 AM
SINSULL 10 Dec 04 - 12:35 PM
LadyJean 11 Dec 04 - 12:57 AM
jacqui.c 11 Dec 04 - 02:48 PM
SINSULL 11 Dec 04 - 04:32 PM
Bat Goddess 11 Dec 04 - 04:50 PM
keberoxu 18 Jun 17 - 12:43 PM
leeneia 18 Jun 17 - 02:07 PM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 19 Jun 17 - 06:12 PM
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:



Subject: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 07:39 PM

Less than a week into his visit, while Kendall and Jacqui are in England, Seamus has formed an unholy alliance with Alice the Slut and her kitten (3 year old) Fred.
While feigning fear and dislike of each other they have set up a dog treat scam. Alice turns over the Milk Bone box; Freddie extracts the treats one at a time; They take turns swatting them onto the floor to the drooling Seamus.
Ed, who hates the sight of the dog, expresses his dissatisfaction with the new arrangement by vomiting in odd places. So far Lizzie is neutral but if she can get Seamus to return the favor by stealing treats for her...well.
So I live in fear of sleeping at night lest they wander further down this path of crime and commit even further atrocities. Help!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: Morticia
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 07:44 PM

oh dear, it was bound to happen I suppose. You could try putting the doggie treats/ kittie bics into a locked cupboard.....but make sure you frisk Seamus for duplicate keys and are prepared to put up with cat sulks.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 07:48 PM

They are in a locked cupboard - I find them milling around it like thugs around a 7-11. They're scaring me.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 07:59 PM

Ah... split the treats into several cupboards... divide and conquer.

LTS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: Deckman
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 08:14 PM

The answer is REAL SIMPLE! Take each animal and nail one foot (paw) to the floor. Then they'll be too busy running around in circles to raid the cupboard. I'm surprised that you didn't think of that ... of course ... I am a karpenter! Bob


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: LadyJean
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 10:20 PM

I keep the catnip in the refrigerator. It's the only thing the cats can't open.
Many years ago, I made a three layer cake for a small boy's birthday. I left the unfrosted layers to cool, while I bought a present. When I came home, my mother asked, "Why did you make just two skinny layers?" I explained I'd made 3. Then we looked at the dog.
As near as I can figure it, Ocelittle, one of the most talented tabbies I have ever known, knocked the layer onto the floor, and Kelly the poodle scarfed it down. The boy wasn't too disappointed with his two layer cake, and he had a very good time playing with Ocelittle.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 10:49 PM

Put the cats in the fridge and the dog in the freezer at night, so you can sleep. They will thaw nicely by noon and have a few hours' pleasure till bedtime comes around again. Mind they don't fight with the elephant though, and please, do cover the butter.

~S~


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 11:37 PM

Mary, did you remember to leave the cards and poker chips out for them?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 12:22 AM

So what's the big deal? As long as they have treats they won't come after you, right?**bg** That Alice and Freddie...trying to show up the rest of them with their superior intellect...making the dog look like a stooge. Best game in town, I'd say and so does Merlee the brilliant McNab Border Collie. He's wishing he could slobber better so his cats would do the same...but they'd have to get into babyproofed cupboards so maybe it wouldn't work anyway. Maybe we should come over and do yours, too?:-)

(My catnip is in the frig, too!)

Uppity Cats Unite!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: mack/misophist
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 10:14 AM

Dogs and cats aren't stupid. Each watches to see what works for the other, then adapts it. Prepare for the worst!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 10:30 AM

My catnip is in the freezer. Had it in the fridge but everytime I opened the door, Freddie made a mad dash for it.

Deckman - shame on you!

Ed has upped the ante - he is now dining on the indoor greenery and producing a grisly shade of bile green vomit.I think I am going to send each of them to their rooms today and ground them. Of course that means I have to relocate multiple litter boxes or suffer the consequences. I thought my child rearing days were over. Next I'll be finding cigarette butts under the sofa.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 06:28 AM

None of my 3 like catnip... they go straight for the houseplants. I've had to remove them from various shelves..... the dracena seems to be favourite at the moment.....

LTS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: LadyJean
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 12:18 AM

Nothing like driving home with a plastic bag full of catnip in your car. Oh Yeah, I am NOT going to speed. I do NOT want to be pulled over with a bag of dried plant matter in my car.   I'm sure they'd figure out what it was in time. But I don't need to go through taht.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: Peace
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 12:21 AM

SINSULL: You need mice to liven things up.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: MMario
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 08:28 AM

yes, you had better worry, Sinsull - Most cats and dogs manage to get through life without allowing humans to realize that we have been domesticated by two other species. Now that you have an inkling of the truth they will probably list you to be "put down".


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: GUEST,bbc at work
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 11:17 AM

LOL--what brucie said. My sister in Yarmouth can send you several. She is both tenderhearted & disinclined to drive. She catches them in Hav-a-Heart traps & frees them in her backyard. What do you know? She still has mice!

bbc


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 11:28 AM

Is Ed a person or a pet? If he's a person, it's time to write Dear Abby.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 02:02 AM


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 10:14 PM

Neither Ed nor I am sure whether he is a person or a cat. We do have an assortment of mice, voles, and birds which Fred brings in but doen't share. With four cats, there is nothing in the house left for them to catch.

The plot thickens...went to bed last night to find four cats and a large yellow dog stretched out and refusing to give an inch. I resorted to the ultimate weapon - a plant sprayer. If I am missing from Mudcat for more than 24 hours, notify the South Portland police.

SINS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 05:49 AM

Mary, we have 3 cats and a dog here but they've achieved at best a form of detente, since Rosie the Hound will eat the cats' food at any given opportunity- Hotspur, Ophelia, and newest arrival Tabitha will not lift a paw to help her get more food in her gullet!

In fact, the biggest challenge around here is to ration the cat food so obese Hotspur doesn't get more than his share, and Ophelia doesn't get shoved out of the way by Tabitha.

That, and teaching the cats not to miss the litter box...

Allison


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: GUEST,Ellenpoly
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 05:56 AM

Sinsull, I'm now on the side of the animals (and YOU know why!)

;-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: Crystal
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 08:53 AM

Your cats are probably planning to take over the world. The dog is probably going along for the ride!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 09:31 AM

Your cats have taken over the world, and are sharing power with the dolphins, as the mice seemed to have something against the cats... Only the dogs have noticed.
So long and thanks for all the fish.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: kendall
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 05:15 PM

If you allow my dog to get used to sleeping on your bed, I may decide to leave him there! I knew those cats couldn't be as stupid as they appear!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 09:39 PM

I neither allowed it now encouraged it - Ed made him do it. But if it means sole custody...HMMMMM


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: Deckman
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:06 PM

Sins ... can I send you a hammer and some nails? Bob


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: kendall
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 07:08 AM

And the plans for tiny coffins, about 4 of them will do.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 12:35 PM

All of this will be duly noted at the custody hearing. Death threats. Threats of abandonment. poor little puppy, lucky to have an Aunt Mary to look after him.

And as for you, Bob. Watch it! I know where you live.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: LadyJean
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 12:57 AM

Grace O'Malley, my new kitten seems to have figured out how to flush the toilet. I've seen her do it twice. I've had several cats who liked to watch the toilet flush. But this is the first one who ever figured out how to make it happen.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: jacqui.c
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 02:48 PM

Poor little puppy my foot - he knows EXACTLY what he's up to, just like his owner, and has all the females and most of the males pandering to his every whim, again, just like his owner.

I can see that he's in for a tough time when he comes back - I was just starting to get him to a point where he understood that I could see through him - now if I could get to that with his owner......


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:32 PM

heh heh heh More threats...I love it. Come here, Seamus. Let me chew that hard biscuit for you. Need an extra bankie to snuggle in to? Will cashmere do?
The mailman smiled at Seamus and said "Hello, Big Guy" today. Just like Mr. Rogers neighborhood.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:50 PM

Gotta cover the butter -- Sabine only leaves tongue marks on the top of the stick.

My baby sister (age 45) in San Francisco just got her first cat (kitten) yesterday. She called me four times (count 'em, FOUR TIMES) today asking for advice. She's obsessing cuz she doesn't have a degree in Feline Management. (Merde! Feline management, my %#@.) She calls me cuz I have the reputation of knowing how to herd cats. (Right.) Then howcome I've got two felinities of feral extraction (from a looooong line of cousins) who have lived under my roof for four years and yet I've never been able to catch 'em to get them to the vet to be spayed?!?

Ayuh. Cat expert. Right.

Linn


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Jun 17 - 12:43 PM

Feline Management.
Is that where the management is feline?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: leeneia
Date: 18 Jun 17 - 02:07 PM

Seen on a T-shirt

Dogs have owners; cats have staff.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Canine/Cat Conspiracy
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 19 Jun 17 - 06:12 PM

Those cats sitting on the laps of villans in Bond films: it is a double bluff, they are the real masterminds.

Robin


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 25 November 12:21 AM EST

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.