BS: Great phrases you know and use.

Subject: BS: Utilitarian phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 03:55 PM

I am always looking for good one-liners. Some that have remained with me for years are as follows.

(For situations in which one is frustrated or POed.) If I had any hair left I'd pull it out.

If you discipline yourself then no one will have to do it for you.

Time is nature's way of making sure everything doesn't happen all at once.

Ignorance is a state of mind located between I don't know and I don't care.

If you decide to add any, I will shamelessly use them. The "Ignorance is a state of mind" one is my own. Welcome to it.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:05 PM

About as much use as a button on a sock.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:11 PM

Thank you.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:15 PM

Your very welcome brucie

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Vic at work
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:26 PM

Hi brucie, I think this one is mine but I won't argue about it.
Once upon atime there were three bears - now look how many there are.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:26 PM

I promise-- I'll be right here until you need me. :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,John O'Lennaine
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:27 PM

Don't mind him, he's talking through a hole in his head.

My wife said that to my dad some years ago and he thought it over for a while and then said to me "Your mouth IS a hole in your head"
Good one dad. You're as sharp as a bowling ball.

("Sharp as a bowling ball" - Is that another one just slipped out Brucie?)

Failure requires no preparation
or
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail

I'm sure there are more. I'Ll give it some thought.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:30 PM

Hey, these are GOOD.

I am laughing out loud. Truly.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:34 PM

Arguing with you is like fighting with an unarmed man.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:36 PM

If you don't know where you're going, you'll end up someplace else.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:37 PM

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

Place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use back door.

The Priest unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:38 PM

"As much use as a candy-floss door knocker"
"It's like trying to knit fog"
"One door closes and another one shuts" (to be spoken in times of adversity - doesn't help but makes me smile)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:51 PM

There are many I haven't heard before--most, actually. This is a thread I am gonna save.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Bad Cuilionn... no biscuit
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:53 PM

Ane o the things I love aboot Scots is the combination o utility & humour in common phrases sic as these:

"Ye're pure deid brilliant" (You're very clever/ inventive/ splendid)

"She wis aye gobsmacked" (she was shocked/surprised)

"it wis cauld kail het agin" (cold kail reheated, i.e. "old news")

Anither favourite line: (Dinnae ken the source o this)

"Madness takes its toll. Please carry exact change."

    --Cuilionn

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Amergin
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:04 PM

He's not the sharpest marble in the world.

(that's mine)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:15 PM

Cool.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:29 PM

If you don't do it with your head, you'll have to do it with your feet.

If it isn't worth doing, it's not worth doing well.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: *Laura*
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:32 PM

Shut your arse and give your face a chance

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:47 PM

A few my grandpa used to say:

"Looks like a cross between a bull bitch and a window shutter... a real Heinz 57."

"Nice colour. What is it? Shit Brindle?"

"It's just a half of an eighth of a sixteenth of an inch off"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 06:09 PM

The easiest thing to do is to make something easy into something difficult. (me)

There is only what is; what should be never existed. (Leonard A. Schneider, Stand-Up Philosopher.....aka Lenny Bruce)

Have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. (Eddie Murphy)

Generally used when asked an opinion on how something is working out: Too early to tell, too late to care. (me)

......and about a hundred others.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 06:15 PM

RTFM, dammnit!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: open mike
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 06:18 PM

the one i use on the end of each of my e-mails is :

Peace will reign when the power of love

is stronger than the love of power.

i have been informed that this is a chiastic phrase. Which is this:
In each example, if you connect the similar words with a straight line, you form an "X", which is the Greek letter "chi". If you search for chiasmus, you will find entire websites devoted to this subject.
(such as ask not what your country can do for you
but what you can do for your country)
A few years ago I put this on my chrtistmas card:
'I'll see it when i believe it "

life is what happens when you are making plans

It is like trying to herd banana slugs (or cats)

we used to have a dog....when asked what her breed was
we answered "Canardly" because you can hardly tell what....

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 06:38 PM

Heres one. What we leave behind is not as important as how we lived.

Heres two: We are the creators of our own circumstances.

Heres Threee: Experiance with your life before the time you have to do it runs out.

Four: A Heart is not Judged by how much you love. but how much you are loved by others,,,The Wizard of oz..

Five: If i ever go looking for my hearts desire, I wont look any furture than my own back yard. Because if it isnt there, I havent really lost it in the first place..The wizard of oz..

six: Home is where the heart is,,,"On the Bus" Frank Zappa"

seven: There are no trails to a womans heart...?

Eight: The soul of a woman was created below: Led Zepplin.

nine: Love can walk the fire without thinking: Allen Jackson.

10: Where some see obstacels, others see a chance to elavate"

11: Your are the creator of your own circumstanses. "Gary Zukav"

12: The most wasted of all days is that on which one has not laughed

13: A person makes his/hers own luck.

14: The harder one works the luckier he/she will get/;Dr.Phil.

15: Get in, sit down, shut up, and hold on>>

16: Dope will get you thru times of no money better than money will
    get you thru times of no dope. "Freak Brothers"

17: You create your own experiance.

18: There is no "I" in "Team"

19: Blame ALWAYS ends in "ME"

20: There is no triump without loss.

21: Keep your face to the sunshine, so you cannot see the shadows. Helen Keller.
22: "The End" The journey doesnt end with death, it just puts us on
    another path.

23: Greed is the most explicit thing to be exployed.

24: "BUT" (Means) Forget everything i just said, Now i'm going to tell you what i really think.

25: The truth is what one says when they run out of good excusses.

26: Be ashamed of death if not won one for humanity.

27: Think globally, But act localily.Rene Dubos 1981.

28: To acheive the American dream...If it was ment to be, Its up to me..Never,,NEVER...QUIT...

29: A farting horse will never tire, A farting man is the one to hire

30: You can smoke if ya wanna, but ya gotta bring your own marydoyawanna"

         Enough allready....For now....Stay free..kindaloupehackenweez

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Micca
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:05 PM

1 If I wanted to go there I wouldnt start from here
2 If all else fails read the instructions
3 God must have loved idiots, he made so many of them

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:15 PM

i may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

please dont tell me to relax, its only my tension that's holding me together.

i have you, you have me, at least one of us is lucky.

I'm writing to tell you I have nothing to say.

Anybody who thinks I am strange ought to meet you.

all i want is a warm bed, and a kind word, and unlimited power.

My life is already complicated enough, without trying to introduce organization into it.

If you can't keep in sight, at least keep in touch.

Why don't you write, and give me a chance not to reply?

Single-handedly, I have fought my way into this hopeless mess.

I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must be from you.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and, whatever you hit, call it the target.

Please remain calm - it's no use both of us being hysterical at the same time.

all of these are from Ashleigh Brilliant

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:24 PM

"Go climb up your thumb!" (it means: Get lost!)

"Give him the Broderick!" (beat the hell out of him)

"She sizes up as a worker." (a broad who takes a guy for his money)

"Tip your mitt."   (show your hand)

"Fill him with with daylight!" (shoot him)

"Let's dust!"   (Let's geddadahere!)

"I know from nothin'" (I don't know anything)

"What's the grift?"   (What are you tryin' to pull?)

"Give him the gate." (Get him out of here.)

"She skates around plenty." (She's a girl of easy virtue.)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:36 PM

Just returned from a fire call--thank you folks. Keep 'em comin'. You are just waht the doctor ordered.

Oh, one I heard recently from a Scottish fellow who's on the department (and it can be used with either sex): S/he was so ugly his/her face looked like a bulldog lickin' piss off a thistle.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Nerbles
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:37 PM

EEEEE-YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: open mike
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:49 PM

yes ashley brilliant is full of it,,,i mean full of them!!
I love his books! reall food for thought...
thanks for that link.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:54 PM

kindaloupehackenweez .. yours were great (and sources documented .. phew!)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 08:03 PM

"He wants a Winnie-the-Pooh blond....bare, with very little brain"
(mine)

When you bump into someone and they say "Oh, am I in your way?"....the answer is "No, you're in MY way."
(one of my best!...properly delivered, you can stop 'em in their tracks)

"Ya' don't wanta do too good of a job...folks will begin to expect it.."
    Talkin' John (an old carpenter at my university)
usually followed by, "That's close enough...it ain't like they're gonna take pictures of it."

"Take all you want....take more than you want."
My ol' daddy-(said at the dinner table)

In answer to "When are you gonna have this done?"..etc., Daddy would say, "Next October, at four o'clock" (no, I don't remember what he said IN October..)

"Six dozen of the other" a perfectly clear, but quaintly condensed version of "Six of one, half a dozen of the other"
Virgil Plute electrican at my Univ. (who had so many of these, we called them "Pluteisms")

"It'll feel better when it quits hurtin'."
(my 'ol daddy, again...to reassure someone, usually a child)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 08:06 PM

when putting disinfectant/tea tree oil on a child's graze or scrape, and they say it hurts

"that's only the germs screaming.."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 08:15 PM

...and I have a BUNCH of the Ashleigh Brilliant cards...

"I was educated once, and it took me years to get over it."

"If things don't get any better, I may have to ask you to stop helping me."

"As long as I have you, I can endure all the troubles you inevitably bring." (my wife & I use this a LOT..*grin*)

"When I say nothing, I don't necessarily MEAN nothing."

"I could do great things, if I weren't so busy doing little things."

"Appreciate me now, and avoid the rush."

"Wonderful! You have some of my favorite problems!"

"Everything is controlled by a small, evil group; to which, unfortunately, nobody I know belongs."

"There has been an alarming increase in the number of things I know nothing about!" (one of my all time favorites)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 08:24 PM

Thanks, but when I want your opinion, I can fart and listen to my own asshole.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 09:16 PM

I am gonna use that one sometime, Cluin. Thanks! I think it works better if you put the word "just" before "fart".

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Sorcha
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 10:03 PM

Never doubt your wife's judgement, look who she married
Dumber than a box of rocks
It's a long way from your heart (about an owie)
No blood, no owie.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 11:48 PM

"Good though!"

"Another lock delay!"

"Onward and upward!"

"Pigs ate my roses!"

(art thieme)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: harpgirl
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 11:58 PM

Now...It's not worth buying the entire pig just to get a little sausage...

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 12:08 AM

I'll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy!

She was on that like white on rice!

Oh...there are so many more that elude me at the moment.............

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 12:18 AM

"Death is natures way of getting your family off your back."

"Less talk and more synthahol!!!!!!!" --- (Lt. Warf)

"Same old rules. No eyes. No Groin"

"Cold enough to freeze an egg on the sidewalk!"

"A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries!"

"It's not the heat. It's the humanity!"

"Never buy fresh fish from a car with Oklahoma plates!"

"One good turn gets most of the blanket!"

"It's colder than a teacher's wit!!"



(Art Thieme again)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 01:40 AM

Heres afew more:

Oh and Freda i'll Try to referance them. The ones not referanced were either unknown or i heard them on the t.v. or made them up myself

Adversity doesnt build charactor it reveals it. Unknown.

Dont let your alligator mouth override your hummingbird ass. Unknown

I wish i knew then what i know now. TV commerical

Folks are about as happy as they make up there minds to be. Abraham Licholn (sbts)= (sorry bout the spelling)

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. "Thomas Jefferson"

All of the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seed of today. Unknown

I dont know, I think i might, but i'm not sure. "Kindaloupehackenweez

Nice guys finish last. Archy Bunker. (All in the family)

A Dream is a question we havent yet learned to ask. The X files

Its better to die standing on my feet, Than to continue living on my knees. General Emiliano Zapata.

Enjoy kindaloupehackenweez/ Loco inlaw cabessa PEACE...

P.S. Why do they call it a roach clip?   
                     Because "Pot holders" was already taken.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Clareling
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 02:51 AM

Accept that somedays you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. - Roger C. Anderson

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: fat B****rd
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 03:24 AM

Hi, Brucie. How are ya ?? I once read on a lavatory wall that "The secret of a happy life is not to do what you like but to like what you do"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kendall
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 05:41 AM

I'm not the man I used to think I was. (Mine, I think)

Ugly: She looked like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

So ugly the tide wouldn't take her out.

I've never learned anything talking to someone I agree with. (Mine)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 06:35 AM

Used tombstone for sale perfect for someone named Homer Hendel Bergen Heinzel. One only

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory must be willing to travel

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. £100 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Toenails John
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 08:38 AM

On the 7th day god made woman, since then, NOBODY'S rested.

As usefull as tits on a bull

Live a dogs life, if you cant eat it or screw it, piss on it

You're as ignorant as the back of my b***s

Me stones are like 2 feet (indicating coldness, i assume we can figure out what stones are???)

Do farts have lumps?

He has the kind of face only a mother could love

If assholes could fly, this folk club would be an airport

Some mornings i wake up cold & miserable, other mornings i let her sleep

Never turn your back on a woman in bed unless you want 2 cold feet put on it.

And finally the best bit of advice i was ever given by my Gran-Uncle
"If a woman leaves her knickers on the bedroom floor more than 2 nights in a row, forget about her!"

I may think of some more, but these spring straight to mind

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kendall
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 09:02 AM

Don't give advice. The wise don't need it and the fool won't heed it.

Money can't buy happiness, but if you have enough of it, you get to choose the kind of misery that suits you best.

Don't deride someone else's religion; it's no sillier than your own.

What goes around, comes around.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Megan L
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 09:17 AM

Usually said to motorists "were you born that daft or did you practice"

If yer brains were nitro you widny hae tae fly a red flag

Tak care guid fowk are hard tae find

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 09:43 AM

I don't believe in psychiatry. Anyone who would go to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 10:11 AM

You guys and gals have a gang of keepers. Thank you.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 10:14 AM

"I need ________ about as much as a pig needs a bra."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 10:26 AM

About as much use as tits on fish.

About as much use as a chocolate fireguard.

About as much use as a hole in the head.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 11:08 AM

The more things change, the more they get different---me

The older I get, the better I was.----me

Rosebud----Kane (whenever valued things are lost)


(art thieme)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Vic at work
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 12:16 PM

From a collection that appeared in The Spectator (I think)

An owl in a sack troubles no man. - this is my all time favourite catchall, meaningless response.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 12:20 PM

Absolutely nothing is foolproof. Fools are too ingenious.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 12:22 PM

'A little pain never hurt anybody.'

In an argument: 'I've already said more than I know.'

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: *Laura*
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 01:10 PM

Come the f*ck on (Bridget) (insert name)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Midchuck
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 01:56 PM

Uglier than Death takin' a shit.

Crazier than a shithouse rat.

That woman was so tall she could stand flat-footed and piss in the radiator of a Chevy pickup. (from H. Allen Smith, R. I. P. - you have to be old enough to remember cars and trucks with radiator caps on the outside of the hoods to understand it)

Infinite metaphors for mental defect and/or derangement:

Two cans shy of a six-pack...

Dumber than a sackfull of hammers...

P.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: chris nightbird childs
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 02:05 PM

Keep wailin'

Let yr spirit burn, and they'll still smell the smoke when yr gone

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: fat B****rd
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 02:42 PM

Lawd, I done died and gone to Heaven

Must be jelly 'cos jam don't shake like that

Good Bourbon, tight pussy and a warm place to shit

Pretentious !! Moi ??

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 02:55 PM

Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you.

I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: harpgirl
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 03:06 PM

from my dad when I was a kid...."No yabuts!"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Metchosin
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 03:15 PM

Where there's folk there's mire

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 03:32 PM

"Herding cats is easier than stopping thread drift on Mudcat"

...me, 2 minutes ago

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 04:28 PM

At the risk of being "me too"--Bill D., how right you are!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 04:29 PM

The Seven Deadly Sins

    In the struggle primeevil between good and evil.
    Between Hell and Heavan at least seems number seven.
    Until this very day still lead us astray.
    But avoid them we must. Pride, Envy, Glotty, and lust,
    Anger, Averiance, and Sloth.
    As the flame draw the moth to the candle lite flume.
    By the seven deadly Sins we are drawn to our doom.
   
I wish i Knew who wrote these words of wit. But copied them from a recording of a Sunday Morning tv show with Charles Corrallt,(SBTS)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 06:00 PM

Why Worry:

There are only two things in life to worry about.
Weather you are well or you are sick.
If your well theres nothing to worry about.
But if your sick there are two things to worry about.
Weather you get better or if you get worse.
If you get better theres nothing to worry about.
But if you get worse there are only two things to worry about.
weather you are going to live or weather you are going to die.
If you live there is nothing to worry about.
But if you die there are two things to worry about.
Weather you go to heavan or weather you go to hell.
If you go to heavan there is nothing to worry about.
But if you go to hell, You'll be so busy shaking hands with old friends you wont have time to worry.

Again dont know who wrote these words of wit but would like to and to make a correction on the source of the seven deadly sins. It was a Sunday Morning program by Charles OSGOOD, NOT Charles Corralt. I apoligize..   I wouldnt be a nothing, my head all full of stuffing if i only had a brain..The Scarecrow. The wizard of oz.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Once Famous
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 06:02 PM

One of my favorites is a phrase that I really don't use too oftern here. But I am fond of telling someone that I don't agree with that they talk like they have a paper asshole.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: number 6
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 06:18 PM

"I played the wrong, wrong notes"   -   Thelonius Monk


Thanks for starting this thread Brucie!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 07:17 PM

There ain't no THERE there.

If I don't care about the staff, who will?

I can't promise that anyone else will (give blood, etc.).

Okay, go ahead and do it and ask me if you have questions or problems.
(To staff members at work)

A hunnert million bucks, Lord! That's all I ask, just a lousy hunnert
million, and I could tell all these politicians to go piss up a rope. (about the library budget)

So, why (aren't)(don't) we?

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 07:29 PM

1). If you give a man a fish you feed him for a day.
    If you teach a man to fish you feed him for a life time. UNKNOWN

2). God made some people big and God made some people small but
    Samuel Colt made them all equal. UNKNOWN

3). Tighter than a bulls ass in fly season. UNKNOWN

4). Worthless as the tits on a bore. UNKNOWN

5). Dryer than a popcorn fart. My Cousin.

6). Thous with nothing to hide, Hide nothing. UNKNOWN

7). Your Breath is so bad it could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon
    UNKNOWN

8). If you cant be with the one you love, love the one your with.
    Crosby, Stills, and Nash.

9). There is no truimp without loss. UNKOWN

10). All good things come in time, Great things happen all at once.
    UNKNOWN

11). Fears keeps you from seeing beauty and purpose. UNKNOWN

12). Sometimes its good to remember, sometimes its good to forget
      and move on. UNKNOWN

      Stay free and be happy and make sure the world is good to you
      and yours. KINDALOUPEHACKENWEEZ... PEACE.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 07:32 PM

Just one more for now:

       Opinions are like assholes, Everybody has one. AGAIN UNKNOWN
   Kindaloupehackenweez...Peace.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 07:46 PM

Lately....

Kwitcherbellyakin!

F*ck it, I give up.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 07:58 PM

I've asked this on previous threads like this one but here it is again.............

A friend of mine was arguing about something with his Dad when we were maybe 25 or so. His Dad finally ends the argument by saying:
"Jesus Christ Dan, you act like a man with a rubber asshole."

We had no idea what that meant then and I still don't.....but I love the phrase.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 09:45 PM

If you don't chew your food, who will?

Where there's smoke, there's dinner!!!

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't rip his lips off.

paused like a woodpecker at timberline.

I keep a rabbi's foot in my pocket for luck.



Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 09:59 PM

"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think"

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day...teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat all day drinking beer."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 10:16 PM

Hell no, I aint no cultavator, i'm a prespaterian.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 12:38 AM

Think you used enough dynamite there, Butch?

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 12:48 AM

Suck rocks. (I like that one.)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:11 AM

'You can't get there from here. It's an old one, I know, but I've been known to use it.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:30 AM

Adrianne.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:31 AM

Brucie Cat:Sucking rocks comes from the old days of crossing the dessert. Rocks would hold moisture and probly save some men from total dehydration.
FYI. Stay free and be happy. Kindaloupehackenweez..PEACE..
P.S. Brucie Love this thread was just telling Rustic Rebel Last friday night i was thinking of starting a thread..And calling it Requoteable Quotes.,And Low and Behold it was there already, Farm out

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:47 AM

I believe it was Voltaire:

"To succeed in politics, it is not sufficient that you be ignorant. You must also be polite."

John

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:51 AM

That benevolent old asylum for the helpless: said by M Twain about the American Congress.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:52 AM

An old one: Crazy as a shithouse rat.

I wanted to call the last band I was in on forming The Shithouse Rats, but no one else was keen on the idea.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 02:20 AM

On Men: So waddaya want, a medal or a chest to pin it on?

Ah well, dead birds don't fall out of nests (referring to open trouser flies....)

He's a real Action Man (can substitute GI Joe) - realistic hair and no genitals.

On me: I just want the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Let's not talk about being overweight, until I finish having too much to eat.

I'm not bad tempered or violent, and if anyone says I am, I'll flatten them!

On arseholes: (For an office toady - cribbed from 'Red Dwarf') So is it the full church do or just a simple ceremony for you two then?

Oh, it's just like a willy but smaller.

On looks: A face like an arsehole with teeth - also heard as 'when God gave you teeth, he ruined a perfectly good arsehole!

Face like a slapped arse.

Arse like a slapped face.... for those less than pert buttocks....

Looks like a double bagger to me.... one for her head and one for your head, in case hers falls off....

A bit R.A.F. Rough as F&%k. A person of less than attractive visage.

Who needs a six pack when I've got an entire barrel?

Is it time for my medication or yours?



I'm the only sane one here, and I've the certificate to prove it!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Kaleea
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 02:33 AM

I resemble that incineration

Did you just make that up, or did you have to study the whole      dictionary to find all those words?

   I think the cheese dun slid offa yer cracker.

(of my preferred Guitar style):

    Ah'm a fanger picker!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: 42
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 06:19 AM

I'm rather fond of this one. (used mostly for teenagers who do something really dumb)

When, exactly, did you donate your brain to science?

j

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Crystal
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 06:35 AM

One I use a lot;

Me: It's an...errr...you know, a thing....
Other person: (supplies elusive word)
Me: That's the Bunny!

Sometimes I will substitute: "That is indeed the rabbit."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: ossonflags
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 06:39 AM

1.said about a man with a black eye;"he was talking when he should have been listening"

2. Minding mice at crossroads;

3. if I was any better I could'nt handle it

4. he smells like a shit smugglers haversack

and my favourite one for hecklers; " we have just had a phone call from your village, they are missing an idiot!!"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: freda underhill
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 07:06 AM

in oz we say

cunning as a shithouse rat.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 10:01 AM

I'm not greedy, don't need a whole lot of money. I only want a little more than I can spend.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 10:24 AM

What the Hay heres a few more:

1).If you learn how to use your head you wont have to use your back.
   My Mom

2).If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all.
   My Mom

3).A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Unknown

4).Cash, Gas, Grass or cash nobody rides free. Unknown
                                              (Freak brothers??)

5).Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it
   Cub/Boy scout motto.

6).For how we live this life will follow us into the next. From the
    Mel Gibson movie "Galdeator"

7).The hearts of men are easily corrupted. The book/movie "Lord of the
                                                                Rings"

8).I'd rather work for the love of it than for silver or gold if
   unhappy. Unknown

9).Tis better to love and lost than to have never loved at all. ???

   OK Ok Ya Ya Ya Sure Sure rucky enough already
Stay free and be happy..Kindaloupehackenweez..PEACE...

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,BIG ANDY
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 11:03 AM

I,d sooner nail my cock end to table, love. = This means no i would'nt like sex with you, and it's got to be said in a yorkshire accent.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 11:54 AM

"If you're gonna make tea, make tea....if you're gonna make water, get out of my kitchen."

my old, dearly departed friend, Tony...quoting his mother

"Anthropoligists have finally discovered the missing link between apes and civilized man.................us."
                   unknown

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 12:02 PM

My own:

Life; ain't it weird?


And with gratitude to Annie Hall:

Well La De Da.

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 12:53 PM

Lets have a cutch,which is lets have a cuddle.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:38 PM

From Alexei Sayle: "Well, it's a funny old world, innit?"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:40 PM

I saw it as "Gas, Ass, or Grass--nobody rides for free."

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:57 PM

Hi butt,which is hello matey.
Thats 100th

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: open mike
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 05:42 PM

9).Tis better to love and lost than to have never loved at all. ???
i am quite sure this is a shakespeare quote..
he wrote lots of lines that are memorable
and contain gems of wisdom.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 07:01 PM

Mel Gibson - Gladiator? Someone got the wrong head on this morning....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Don Firth
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 09:42 PM

Never squat with your spurs on.
               —Old cowboy saying

It's so cold they had to euthanize a whole bunch of brass monkeys.
                                                                               —Dick Cavett

"Are you lost, daddy?" I arsked tenderly.
"Shut up!" he explained.
             —The Young Immigrants by Ring Lardner

Back in the Fifties and Sixties, I had a friend who wasn't a singer himself (essentially tone-deaf), but he loved folk music His living room was available just about every weekend for songfests, and we had some great ones there. Anyway, he was of the Jewish persuasion, and he had a couple of quotes written in Hebrew, framed and hung on his living room wall. One evening I asked him what they said, and he translated them for me.

If I am not for myself, then who am I?
If I am only for myself, then what am I?
If not now, when?
                                     —Rabbi Hillel

Before he died, Rabbi Zusya of Hanipal said, "In the world to come, they will not ask me, 'Why were you not Moses?' They will ask me, 'Why were you not Zusya?'"
                                                                                                                                        —Tales of Hasidim

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 10:08 PM

I have appreciated and continue to appreciate the funny, risque and thoughtful posts here. Thank you--all of you.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 03:37 AM

Friendship is like pissing your pants.
Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's true warmth.
Thank you for being the piss in my pants.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 03:53 AM

To all you virgins... thanks for nothing.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Nick
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 04:45 AM

Smile it could be worse. So I did and it was.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 04:46 AM

I forgot the one I really love that a friend used to say, and I've since stolen;

-Sometimes ya just gotta say 'What the fuck'.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 05:05 AM

Farwell and tell we meet again:

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 05:23 AM

Kay eir raw sir raw:

Money cant buy you happiness but will help you look for it in alot more places ??

Imformation is the key to education and education is the key to knowledge and knowledge is the key to power and power is the key to freedom..Kindaloupehackenweez.

Patience my ass im going to kill something.?

Better to rust than to fade away.,Neil Young

A friend with weed is a friend indeed:? A song form long ago.

Get a life.??Perhaps the one i use most for the No good do gooders
who cant see there own faults so concentrate on others or gawd damm trouble makers is another way to put it.

Cause if you mind your own business you'll be to busy to bother mine
Hank Williams (I Think)

Hate and Anger is a waste of time and emotion as one could spend ther time more positively by being productive comptempalating ways to advoid allowing themselves to get in the situations in the first place. Kindaloupehackenweez.

What the hells the matter with you dont you have any brains. Somebodys parents.

This land is your land, this land is my land. Woody Guthrie

Watch out where the hushkys go and dont you eat that yellow snow. Frank Zappa

Who died and made you king/Queen. Somebodys parents


If we'd look at our lives as a movie we'd relize that we are the writters, directors, and the producers. So if we dont like it we can
change the script anytime we choose..Kindaloupehackenweez

I save the rest for another time Stay free and be happy...Kindaloupehackenweez...PEACE...

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Ron Davies
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 08:01 AM

Remarks in foreign languages ( other than one the caller may know) are always good for telemarketers and others who don't know your voice and you would rather not talk to.

My current favorite is "Kein Anschluss unter dieser Nummer"--which actually, used to be on German telephones for "wrong number". (means literally "no connection under this number")

Wolfgang---do they still use it?

Also, my father had a whole raft of good sayings, some of which I use, including lots of variations of Murphy's Law e.g. "If anything can go wrong it will" , "Life is basically unfair"
etc.

Another favorite of his I really like is "I'm even-tempered---always mad".

Great thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Kaleb
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 10:38 AM

You can put a cat in the oven but that don't make it a biscuit.


May the devil eat you and shit you off a cliff.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 10:41 AM

You can call a sheep a dog, but that won't make it bark.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 11:13 AM

A hawk is an eagle among crows.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Don Firth
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 01:35 PM

If at first you don't succeed, stay as sweet as you are.
                                           —Lady Elaine Fairchilde

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 01:49 PM

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is probably not for you!

Thank you Billy Connolly!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 02:56 PM

One from the old days of performing with Hammond:
"Well, it'll either be really good... or it'll suck."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 03:14 PM

The poor long for riches,
The rich long for heaven.
The wise desire tranquility. ??? Saw it today on a poster in a dentist chair with the word. RELAX..kindaloupehackenweez

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 03:28 PM

Another good one:


Want to fight?? Stick your head up your ass and fight for air??

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Helen
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 04:57 PM

1. Not the brightest bulb in the pack

Four from a verbal-acrobatics friend of mine who writes a very funny column in a national motorcycle magazine in Oz:

2. S/he's a legend in his/her own lunchtime

3. Cluin said: "It's just a half of an eighth of a sixteenth of an inch off"

Aussie equivalent = A *poofteenth off

* I don't think it is at all related except for the verbal/word-sound humour value but a "poofter" is a homosexual man in Oz.

4. He ends his column with "Copulator" = cop you later = catch/see you later, but is playing on words.

5. He also says: If I want your opinion I'll give it to you.

6. From a desk calendar, a quote I found which always reminds me of the manager I worked for at the time:

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

(It's one of the few sayings I don't make gender-non-specific, because I am referring to that manager who was a man)

7. Grow up, wake up & shut up!

I made that one up in high school and wrote it on the blackboard when the class was acting up. The teacher actually said it was clever when she came into the room. A compliment from a teacher. Wow!

8. My hubby describes big, wobbly breasts - not that he looks at women's breasts of course - as "Like two puppies fighting in a sack"

9. From a Murphy's Law poster:

When in doubt, mumble.
When in trouble, delegate.

10. From an old music hall song:

"It's the same the whole world over.
It's the poor that gets the blame.
It's the rich that gets the pleasure.
Ain't it all a bleeding shame?"


Freda, I like that one about the germs screaming

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 05:17 PM

We're making progress. Things are getting worse at a slower rate.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: number 6
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 11:55 PM

The rat race is over, the rats won.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: darkriver
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 12:35 AM

This shouldn't take long....

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 12:40 AM

Went out for a loaf of bread and didn't come back for about four months. My significant other was completely unreasonable about that at the time. It was 38 years ago, and she really got mad about the whole thing. I have come to understand over the ensuing years that I should have left a detailed note.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 12:41 AM

That's true, BTW. I have never seen any individual so irate in my whole life.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 12:49 AM

Come to think of it, she was beyond irate. If I remember correctly, it took her about four days to calm down. I don't recall any of the words she had to say, but I know the language was very colourful. Never thought she was that strong. Who'd a thunk a 5'6" gal could pick up a kitchen table and THROW it like that?

If you ever get in this situation, the wrong thing to say is, "Hi, honey, what's for supper."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 12:52 AM

I learn so much from you, Bruce. Thanks for the opportunity to study at the feet of the Master.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 12:58 AM

What a nice thing to say, Cluin. Thank you.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 01:02 AM

You are welcome, sir.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: The Beast of Farlington
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 08:02 AM

No-one knows the trouble I've seen but it can be arranged

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Don Firth
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 01:13 PM

Well, brucie . . . I think I'd prefer your wife's response to "Oh! Have you been gone?"

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: beadie
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 01:27 PM

Sometimes the magic works, . . .

            and sometimes it doesn't.


Chief Dan George in "Little Big Man"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 02:30 PM

"_'blank'_ ain't the end of the world, but you can see it from there."
(In my case it was Wichita)

"If you're the early bird, you'd better like worms"

"I may be forgotten, but I'm not gone."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,exbluebeller
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 02:33 PM

In the mid 60's, on the wall above one of the few urinals in the gents of "The Rugby" (Hull), spiritual home of Ian "Jock" Manuel, was inscribed
       "There are no tramcars in Afghanistan"
I didn't know what this meant then. I know it even less now.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: belter
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 03:32 PM

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomies.

What is your major malfunction? DI from "Full Metal Jacket"

But at least I'm not bitter, and that is so important.

A friend says his ex is the wean b* of the universe.

Another guy said, "And boy was my ex piss that she lost the job."

When booze is spilled. Alcohol abuse.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 05:09 PM

"Can a metaphysican be sued for malpractice?"

(men's room at Methodist Student Union, Univ. of Kansas..1970)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 05:11 PM

Get lost you stupid git!
Nice but not too nice eh??

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,ranger1(who has forgotten her password)
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 05:12 PM

Two of my favorites are:
1. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.
2. Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Another one I like was said by my physics teacher when he caught one guy giving another guy the finger: Is that your IQ or your sperm count?

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 05:16 PM

Don F,

Yeah. Wasn't my wife (for the record) but she was too mad to consider anything like that. I really never HAVE seen anyone so ___________ in my life. I wish it had been filmed. I'm not making light of my transgression, but it was a thing of terrible beauty.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Don Firth
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 05:22 PM

I think there's one helluva story there, brucie, but curious as I am, I won't pry. But -- if you'd care to elucidate. . . ?

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 05:26 PM

Well, I will. Give me a bit and I'll get back. It's a long story that should be shortened and I need to keep names and places out of it. One of those tragic but true/funny but not things. I will, but tonight maybe. Thanks, Don.

PS It's hard to hide what an ass I was, so I have to see if the--ah, heck, people know I'm an ass anyway, so I''ll forget the spin and write it. Good story now. It wasn't then.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 05:29 PM

One sandwich short of a picnic?
One tile short of a roof,
Queer as a clockwork orange,
Like a fart in a thunderstorm.
Like a pea on a drum,
Many more!
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 05:50 PM

"Poor you-- build a bridge, and get over it."

[with thumb circling around top of lightly clenched fist] "Hear this? It's the world's smallest violin, on the world's smallest record, playing on the world's smallest record player, and it's playing [insert title of victimy song] just for you. And that's how much I care."

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 07:20 PM

Your proctologist called. He found your head.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 07:38 PM

LOL

I have never hear that one before. Love it.

LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 07:41 PM

a few straws short of a bale

art

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 08:16 PM

a taco short of a combination plate

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 08:24 PM

The cheese has left the cracker.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: HuwG
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 09:23 PM

A couple which I often used at work:

"On time. Efficient. Works. Choose one."
"Measure with micrometer. Mark with paintbrush. Cut with axe."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 11:15 PM

Measure twice; cut once.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 11:18 PM

Keep your hands and head inside at all times.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 11:20 PM

In response to the remark, "If you say that again I'll smack you", I often reply, "Gee, I usually have to pay for that."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Helen
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 11:34 PM

Act your age and not your shoe size.

Cluin,

I like the proctologist one, and Huw I like this one a lot:
"On time. Efficient. Works. Choose one."

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 11:39 PM

"Spaw did it."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 01:03 AM

My father's (on something that is useless): It's not worth the full of your arse of roasted snow.
On something that wasn't even close: It wasn't within a beagle's gowl of it.

Mine (to a heckler) Ok, who just got a delivery from Assholes "R" Us?

To a heckler: This is my job and how I make a living to support my family. When you're doing your job, do I follow you into the men's room and kick your kneepads out from under you?

To a heckler: Six million sperm, and YOU'RE the one that got through?

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,beardedbruce
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 03:01 AM

"Cheaper, Faster, Better (Pick two)" (Unofficial) Motto of the DSPSE program

"Everything in Excess- Moderation is for Monks" _ RAHeinlein

Matthew 24:23, to get rid of annoying religious folks

and of course-

"If Jesus died for my sins, he overeacted."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 03:03 AM

From Nasa: Faster, cheaper, better; Pick two.
>>Clearly Nasa are more optimistic thean Helen

In response to 'what's in that thing you made ?'
   "You know, the obvious. Stuff, things, ermm cookery?"

Of course you boyfriend won't find out...

It made sense at IVFDF!
(Inter-varsity folk dance festival, UK)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Crystal
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 04:42 AM

Lots of things make sence at IVFDF!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 06:00 AM

Flamenco, the true path!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Gervase
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 07:07 AM

Better pass boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion, than fade and wither dismally with age - James Joyce
I feel unusual - Withnail and I
It was like that when I found it - Me, at all ages!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 09:00 AM

I've never got caught yet

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 10:04 AM

NOTICE

I am unabashedly stealing many of these phrases to punch up the dialog in a novel I am writing entitled 'Best Intentions'.

The large print giveth and small print taketh away.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Crystal
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 10:07 AM

One I regularly hear my Boyfriend use;
"I am unpleased"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 10:12 AM

Donuel-- not mine, and not without specific permission. See PM.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 10:13 AM

Careful if you do that. More than a few of these will make a book seem as mad as bag of cats. I'm sure nobody will mind. Also, good luck with the book.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 10:17 AM

Some people WILL mind and even if it is only one, it's not OK to assume what might be OK with others. Lot of writers around here. Lot of threads where marketable writing occurs. Doing something like this in one thread sets a precedent, and I know several who will not go down that slippery slope and for good reason.

Max has copyright on anything here not copyrighted by anyone else, and general consensus has been that we each own whatever we post. One MIGHT be able to make the case that posting such a notice at the start of each thread would be adequate, but certainly not in mid-thread, and certainly not as stated.

In any event, it's not OK with me in this thread or anywhere.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 10:27 AM

thanks for picking me up on that one.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 10:28 AM

Like I said the large print giveth and the small print taketh away ;(

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: beadie
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 10:42 AM

In reference to someone with limited common sense, . . . .

We need to take up a collection to help this guy afford the latest remedial medical procedure, the optic abdominoplasty.

That's where the surgeon removes a square flap of skin about ten inches wide by 6 inches vertical from the area immediately below the navel and replaces it with a piece of plexiglass. This allows the patient to see what he is doing with his head up his ass.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 04:55 PM

Dear what you get,
satire on:
In an effort to head off any actionable lawsuits of yours I have taken pre emptive action. I have just copyrighted the English language with a little inside help from the administration. They were amazed no one had thought of it before. While the ownership of the copyrite is divided between DARPA, NSA and other silent partners, my finders fee portion is still significant when you add up all the words you've published.

AFTER RESEARCHING THE TOTALITY OF YOUR PUBLISHED WORKS I WILL BE SENDING YOU THE BILL.

For example the quote:

I dare say her cheese done slipped off her cracker.

if copyrighted might cost .025 cents
However if I enforce my copyright for everyone who ever wrote that I would stand to clear nearly 4 cents.

But add up all the English words you have published and I might stand to make hundreds.


Satire aside, Common sayings indeed belong to us all, thats why they're common. Yours are yours.

Satire reinstated:
Nothing spoils a good time more than lawyerfyin bout yer words
but if there is one thing I have learned about an assumed copyright on the web is that it ain't worth the electrons its written on.
I would have to consult with Dave Letterman about what is and what is not intellectual property.
I am sincerely sorry if you thought I was going to make millions of dollars off of your catch phrases. If I do I will gladly buy you lunch on a slippery slope.

satire off,
I planned to post the illustrated versions I already made of some of the favourite and best sayings here, although they should still be protected under fair use, I hope you see them as a sincere gesture of giving and not taking.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,ranger1(still can't remember my password)
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 09:02 AM

A common saying around these parts is "numb as a hake."

Three my dad uses a lot are:
1. Doesn't know beans from a hole in the ground.
2. Doesn't know his ass from his elbow.
3. Number than a pounded thumb.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Larry K
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 10:08 AM

An open mind is not the same as a hole in the head

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Flash Company
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 10:26 AM

He looks as if he's got a mouth full of wasps! (Said of John Prescott.)
Never assume, it just makes an ass of you and me. (Favourite line of a guy I used to work with)
This looks like a two pipe problem! (My old boss, taken from Sherlock Holmes.)
This is about as productive as trying to weigh the cat! (Dennis Norden)

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 10:41 AM

Subject: White House announcement


The White House, Washington)


The President climbs out of his helicopter with a baby pig under each arm. His Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "Nice pigs, sir."


The President replies, "These are not pigs, corporal, these are
authentic Texan Razorback Hogs. I got one for Vice President Cheney, and I got one for Secretary Rumsfeld."


The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and replies, "Nice trade, sir."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Swave N. Deboner
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 12:51 PM

She's so skinny, if she stood sideways and stuck out her tongue, she'd look like a zipper. (That's a zip, for all you UKers.)

You're about as dumb as a bag of hair.

I you had a brain, it'd be lonesome.

You ain't got the brains God gave a duck!

Yer aboot as thick as twa short planks.

You are a lying sack of Siberian seal shit.

Damn! The hurrieder I go, the behinder I git.

Why don't you go take a long walk off a short pier?

Six and twa threes. (Scots for six of one and and half a dozen of the other.)

Cheerio the noo

SND

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: dwditty
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 01:28 PM

Nothing tastes better than fat.....except fat with salt on it.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Metchosin
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 01:47 PM

for the obtuse,

Has about as much sensitivity as a loaf of bread.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 02:54 PM

I may have been born in the morning, but i wasnt born this morning.??

He may not be the shiniest hammer in the bag.??

Dont let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.??

How can we be complete if were not alittle bit of everything.(mine)

Your digging yourself a hole so deep you cant get out.

Women need 3 things: Conversation, confussion, confidence...OH.and occassionally a new pair of shoes.

Men need 3 things: Food, Sex, Silence. Chris Rock. (Comedy Central)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: beadie
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 03:20 PM

. . . To describe a person who is nearing retirement (or, in the vernacular, a person who is "short" referring to having but a short time left).


He's so short, he can sit on a dime and dangle his feet.

He's so short, he has to look up to see down.

He's so short, he reaches up to tie his shoelaces.

He's so short, he can get arrested for looking up a skirt without using a mirror.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: belter
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 03:46 PM

Her shirt was so tight I could hardly breath. Garrison Keillor as Guy Nuir

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 06:25 AM

Horse sweat, men perspire, woman glow. Mom

Beauty comes from within,. Mom

See ya later......(repond)...Not if i see you first.?

Whats good for the goose is good for the gander..??

Stay away from beer!!!!Its a gateway drug...Drew Carey

Hay Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat..(u know)

Quit your wineing, Your old enough to know better. Mom

Its my Mom!!!(Mine) (Gets em going most of the time)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Helen
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 07:12 AM

Bunnahabhain said:

>>Clearly Nasa are more optimistic thean Helen

The problem is I was quoting Huw, so it wasn't my saying. I wouldn't want to claim credit for something I didn't say.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Flash Company
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 10:11 AM

This morning on the way to town on our local bus proceeding over the collection of pot-holes that our local council laughingly call a road, we went over one particularly violent bump and my wife said 'Was it anyone we know?'

An ex colleague at work dicovered an arabic curse which translates as 'May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits'. It used to come in very handy on a bad day!

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,ranger1(of the lost password)
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 11:36 AM

My step-dad is German and translated one directly for us. When someone is being a real grouch we always ask them "what kind of a louse is crawling across your liver?"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 01:50 PM

"Lets make a Deal"
For i just started a 2 week vacation from my 5-6 days a week 12 hours a day job thats been like that for 2 months and im making it my first priority to learn an old song i've always loved. Actually my first priority was 3 weeks of laundry 5 weeks of dishes and wipe down the floor which i wont even mention the time frame since thats been done last. Anyway the song i just finished listening to back to back for an hour and a half is by the "Band" Title of the song is "The Weight"

4th verse 3rd line Cant make out the words i think i know what he means or does say but it sounds totally "Not sappose ta be there"

Crazy Chester followed me and he caught me in the fog.
He said i'd-a-picture-it (apprecate it) if you take jack my dog.

I Said wait a minute Chester no ?????????? to feed the man.

I "think" its No money to feed the man"    But sounds so "Not like that" peaceful is a word that seems to come out. anyway i'm stumped

In return Here is my most Favorite and least favorite phrase i know

"We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best that we find in our travels is an honest friend" Robert Louis Stevenson. (My all time favorite as once was a buckskinner and attendant Rendevous. Pre 1840 American History. My thing, and will get a photo in buckskins and warshirt i made for such events)

My Least favorite from about the same time period:

"Killing the buffalo was the only way to bring lasting peace and allow civilization to advance" General Philip Sheridan.,1873

Your words of the missing words would be greatly appreacated. and help me move along to the other 2 songs i just gotta learn before these next two weeks are up..I hate agendas. this to do,.I like keeping my issues resolved for it leaves time and space for furture thoughts and plans. Thank you for your time and space.   Peace.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 08:34 PM

by J.R.Robertson. Album: Music from Big Pink
© 1968, 1970 Dwarf Music

For an analysis of the lyrics, and more, see Peter Viney's article on "The Weight".
Bass tablature also available.

A               C#m          D                      A
I pulled into Nazareth, was feelin' about half past dead;
                C#m       D            A
I just need some place where I can lay my head.
                      C#m             D                A
"Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?"
                   C#m                D                      A
He just grinned and shook my hand, and "No!", was all he said.


(Chorus:)
A       E       D    A       E       D
Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free;
A       E       D                                                       A D
Take a load off Fanny, And (and) (and) you can put the load right on me.

A E D A D

I picked up my bag, I went lookin' for a place to hide;
When I saw Carmen and the Devil walkin' side by side.
I said, "Hey, Carmen, come on, let's go downtown."
She said, "I gotta go, but m'friend can stick around."

(Chorus)

Go down, Miss Moses, there's nothin' you can say
It's just ol' Luke, and Luke's waitin' on the Judgement Day.
"Well, Luke, my friend, what about young Anna Lee?"
He said, "Do me a favor, son, woncha stay an' keep Anna Lee company?"

(Chorus)

Crazy Chester followed me, and he caught me in the fog.
He said, "I will fix your rack, if you'll take Jack, my dog."
I said, "Wait a minute, Chester, you know I'm a peaceful man."
He said, "That's okay, boy, won't you feed him when you can."

(Chorus)

Catch a cannon ball now, t'take me down the line
My bag is sinkin' low and I do believe it's time.
To get back to Miss Fanny, you know she's the only one.
Who sent me here with her regards for everyone.

(Chorus)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: ev
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 01:52 AM

I collect phrases. some I use -- some are just internalized.

When I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails.

Do I look like a people person?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

You! Off my planet!

Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.

I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Let me show you how the guards used to do it.

And just how may I screw you over today?

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

Better living through denial.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

Adult child of alien invaders.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

Back off! You're standing in my aura.

I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

Adults are just kids who owe money.

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?

Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

Too may freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

You look like shit. Is that the style now?

Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.

Earth is full. Go home.

Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?

I plead contemporary insanity.

And which dwarf are you?

I refuse to star in your psychodrama.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.

Meandering to a different drummer.

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?



In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
Friedrich Nietzsche

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
Hubert H. Humphrey

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway

Being intelligent is not a felony, but most societies evaluate it as at least a misdemeanor.
and
You live and learn. Or you don't live long.
and
Money is the sincerest of all flattery. Women love to be flattered. So do men.
and
Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not.
and
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors -- and miss.
LAZARUS LONG. by Robert Anson Heinlein

Be careful about reading health books. You might die of a misprint.
Mark Twain (Samuel L. Clemens)

The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
Benjamin Franklin

To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it.
W. S. Gilbert

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Ambrose Bierce

I feel there is an angel in me whom I am constantly shocking.
Jean Cocteau

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny . . .
Isaac Asimov

Adding to one's body of knowledge is ultimately what matters, the better to voice your own imagination.
Chris Dixon

awwww, did Daddy take your T-Bird away?

so many words, but one of my all time favorites is a Yiddish saying,

You can't grow corn on the ceiling.

later,
ev.

No trees were harmed in the sending of this message, however some electrons were terribly inconvenienced

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 08:18 AM

Thank You So very much "Brucie". You should have see the expreshion
on my face after scrolling down and noticed what you have done for me.
I didnt see the exspression myself, but felt some immediant change of face as i damn near flipped over backwards in my chair...WAY TO COOL is the first thing that came to mind. 2nd was Thank you. 3rd was you saved me at least 3 days. 4th was UNPHUCKINGBELIEVEABLE...Oh geeee...shit....(just got over a totally numb staring at the monitor moment that lasted at least 30 seconds).

I KNEW this was my favorite thread..And i still know it....Many thanks
oh man. (Heres one)..

"One good turn, deserves another"????

Your one cool Cat. "No if, and, buts and joints about it"??

Yesterday i recorded that song back to back on a 90 minute tape and the cassette player played that song forever and its still playing,

"Gotta Go", "CHECK IT OUT" BLESS YOU, THANK YOU SO VERY VERY VERY MUCH.    later..kindaloupehackeweez..."FAR OUT" "SOLID" and "RIGHT ON"

"TOO COOL" THANK YOU BRUCIE....You made this cats day. MAN..
"BLOWN AWAY"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kendall
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 02:00 PM

On changing one's mind:

And enterprises of great pith and moment become sicklied over with the pale cast of thought, and lose the name of action.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Midchuck
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 11:30 AM

Brucie: Re "The Weight," I've been hearing that song for years and always thought the lyrics made no sense, but everyone was so fond of it that I thought it was something wrong with me. Thanks for confirming that I was right all along. Maybe it's just my failure to use enough recreational drugs over the years.

Ev: You confirm my thesis, that all human wisdom can be found in The Notebooks of Lazarus Long, by Heinlein. But you missed a few good ones:

It is better to copulate than never.

Get a shot off fast. This upsets him long enough to let you make your second shot perfect.

Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him without hate -- and quickly.

Cheops' Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

In a mature society, "civil servant" is semantically equal to "civil master."

God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent -- it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks, please. Cash and in small bills.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you.

And the ultimate truth:

Never try to outstubborn a cat.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Snoozer at work
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 02:43 PM

We'll jump off that bridge when we get to it!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 02:57 PM

kindaloupe--you are very welcome. You are also crazy as hell. Thanks for your thanks and thanks for thanks in the post above.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 02:26 AM

Don't judge a book by it's way too cool euphemism.

okay, that may not be one I know and use but it could be one I'll use in the future.
Kinda loca-amotive sneezeer and wackin on a piece of licorice weezina wanting- That would be everythings gonna be alright.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:01 AM

Thanks for the compliment Brucie>,(made comment in Mother of BS) so wont repeat it here. (FYI)/// I put some quotes in the wrong thread.

And was ready to shut this off, when one more, i just came up with the other night after signing off.    It goes:

"How can we be complete if we're not a little bit of everything?"

Backed up with a: "Put that in your pipe and smoke it"

"going with the flow" ("Out of here"). ("later dude's and dudette's")

Kindaloupehackenweez...PEACE..(They're getting shorter),(spelling?)
(using a dictornary)????(Cheating)?????(spell it like it sounds)(NO)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: HuwG
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:13 AM

A couple of other work-related saws (with apologies to Dilbert, C. Northcote Parkinson and others):


"Think ! or thwim !" [1]
"I have features. You have bugs. His/hers crashes."
"You want it yesterday ? OK, go back to two days ago and ask for it."[2]



From (UK comedian) Jack Dee:

Q. Does this hat go with this dress ?
A. Yes. They're both horrible.



[1]. Legend has it that IBM posted their notorious, "THINK !" message all over their HQ, including above the sinks in their toilets (washrooms). The next day, little stickers which read, "THOAP !" appeared above the soap dispensers.

[2]. I wish I had said that, once. It might have got me fired. As it turned out I was unfairly dismissed two months later for having failed to provide it yesterday. I would have saved myself several weeks stress.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:31 AM

We have met the enemy and he is us. (Too famous to require attribution. But, thanks, Mr Kelly.)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:56 AM

And a few more...

Of course I'm not mad, I'm a folk dancer.

The other left!

You'll thank me later.

If you're not going to get balmed for it, why are you worrying?

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:57 AM

Blamed! But a balm is a dangerous animal, and you don't want it to happpen to you either.....

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 10:03 AM

Where ya gonna get five guys in a hurry?

I got friends on the inside and some are getting out real soon.

If all is not lost, where is it then?

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Crystal (sans biscuit!)
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 05:15 AM

In theory no, in practice... well... maybe!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Flash Company
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 05:53 AM

Returning from our Christmas round of cemetaries the other day, about 50 people piled into our already packed train at Knutsford station. I was reminded of another of my old Gran's sayings:-

It's the Isrealites and the Jebusites and half the tribe of Mannasah!

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 06:54 AM

Dont bother with tech support, just give a carefully calibrated kick!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: ev
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 10:31 PM

yep -- but i prefer the technical term for whomping a piece of technology:

"percussive maintenance".

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 07:36 PM

Round and round in random circles....

In response to where are we going type questions

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: ranger1
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 09:38 PM

Well, it seemed like the thing to do at the time. (anytime I do something really stupid and get caught)

Would you like some cheese to go with that whine?

Go rotate. (said to annoying people who you want to leave you alone)

Go take a long walk off a short pier. (see above parentheses)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Teresa
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 10:19 PM

If it ain't one thing, it's two.--A friend of mine

Sounds like a terd of hurdles!--my dad and granddad, said of a houseful of kids

That makes too much sense.--something another friend says when someone solves a problem he can't figure out.

I feel as if I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.--anonymous

On the other hand ... there are different fingers.--anonymous

When someone says "Hold on", say, "But what am I holding onto?"--unknown

When teaching a student to type, , I blurted out in exasperation: "Slow down; you'll get there faster."

"What do you care what other people think?" Richard Feynman's first wife (to him. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Dewey
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 01:12 AM

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistance.
Talent will not, nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not, unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not, the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistance and Determination alone are Omnipotent!

Calvin Cooledge

posted by Dewey

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Dewey
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 02:39 AM

I especially love the educated derelicts phrase: education manifests itself merely as a wasted, un-directed, ego-driven past-time in such a foolishly and rightly "educated" person.

Paraphrasing the former President Cooledge: Education is a worthy, working ethic of applying faith with one's knowledge to obtain a fruitful endeavor and labor of love for self-growth and/or group productivity. It is thus directed for the benefit of all mankind towards necessary productive ends, not towards the express issues alotted to entertainment and time wasting.

Dewey

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Dewey
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 02:49 AM

We shall meet life better if we have fulfilled the present to the best of our ability.

Unknown Author

Posted by Dewey

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: *Laura*
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 01:00 PM

*I wanted to go out and change the world but I couldn't find a babysitter*

the best one of course, relevant in so many situations, and so theraputic to yell - "Bloody Hell!"
(but so often overlooked - hence so many rich shrinks)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 06:30 PM

Meanwhile, back at the ranch house, Jock and Snowy were wondering,

and

Where the river bends, the blindman falls in.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: *Laura*
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 08:25 AM

Saucier than a Direct Hit on a Heinz Factory!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 04:52 PM

A few good ones, thanks to Victoria Wood:

Miss Tweed, fetch me my writting mittons, I have letters of import to write, and they can not wait for warmer waether.

A daily Diet of parsnips may leave one agog for a tomarto.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 04:54 PM

Do unto others as they would do unto you--but do it first.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: ranger1
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 05:21 PM

Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Crystal
Date: 24 Jan 05 - 05:06 AM

One I was reminded of on the phone last night (in response to a good idea); "Good thinking Bat-being!"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Jan 05 - 02:30 PM

That's "rodent's rectum", ranger1.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Jan 05 - 02:39 PM

"Don't tear `er! I'll take the whole yard!"

(one my uncle used to say when he heard an audible fart)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Chris Green
Date: 24 Jan 05 - 06:52 PM

My Dad always used to fart explosively and shout "Share that amongst yer!" We stopped inviting the priest around after that...

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Jan 05 - 09:57 PM

Great phrases by Mark Twain

"When in doubt, tell the truth.

It is more trouble to make a maxim than it is to do right.

A dozen direct censures are easier to bear than one morganatic compliment.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.

He was as shy as a newspaper is when referring to its own merits.

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

It is your human environment that makes climate.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it -- and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again -- and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more.

There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow. Yet it was the schoolboy who said "Faith is believing what you know ain't so."

The timid man yearns for full value and asks a tenth. The bold man strikes for double and compromises on par.

We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard; but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of securing that.

Truth is stranger than fiction -- to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

There is a Moral Sense, and there is an Immoral Sense. History shows us that the Moral Sense enables us to perceive morality and how to avoid it, and that the Immoral Sense enables us to perceive immorality and how to enjoy it.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.

"Classic." A book which people praise and don't read.

There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their happinesses to the unhappy.

Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it.

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.

Nature makes the locust with an appetite for crops; man would have made him with an appetite for sand.

The spirit of wrath -- not the words -- is the sin; and the spirit of wrath is cursing. We begin to swear before we can talk.

The man with a new idea is a Crank until the idea succeeds.

Let us not be too particular. It is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all.

The Autocrat of Russia possesses more power than any other man in the earth; but he cannot stop a sneeze.

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson.

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean.

There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty. "When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."

Each person is born to one possession which outvalues all his others -- his last breath.

Hunger is the handmaid of genius.

The old saw says, "Let a sleeping dog lie." Right. Still, when there is much at stake it is better to get a newspaper to do it.

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart; the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?

Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait, and count forty. To save three-quarters, count sixty. To save it all, count sixty-five.

Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

He had had much experience of physicians, and said "the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not."

Let me make the superstitions of a nation and I care not who makes its laws or its songs either.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.

Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment; but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute.

There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

Make it a point to do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist but you have ceased to live.

Often, the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.

Satan (impatiently) to New Comer. The trouble with you Chicago people is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas you are merely the most numerous.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.

There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined ones.

The principal difference between a cat and a lie is that the cat has only nine lives.

When your watch gets out of order you have choice of two things to do: throw it in the fire or take it to the watch-tinker. The former is the quickest.

In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities.

Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

First catch your Boer, then kick him.

None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness; but we can try.

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

There isn't a Parallel of Latitude but thinks it would have been the Equator if it had its rights.

I have traveled more than any one else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent."




..................



click

The price of gas
went up two pints
over the usual one pint
of blood per gallon.

Without speed pass
I have to make 2 round trips
to pay first and get my change.
What is the price of gas in Mecca?

Usama's Mercedes dies of thirst
from a blown radiator hose.
click...We need to attack Iraq
the bald oilman crows.

The 3rd Reich's mythology
blamed the jews and intelligensia.
The supermen are to be praised
but no archeological proof could be raised.

Out back the grass is overgrown
I step on something that yells
"I am buzz light year"
"To infinity and beyond" were his last words.

New myths are spun on CNN
that few dare call a lie.
As if it depends on what you believe
to make nonsense fly.

Some guy from Indiana said
"after 9-11 I can see NYC
has humans
much like our own".

Government by religion
is quick to kill.
Even our region
has prayers of ill will.

The war fever in Atlanta
is cooled by another
Mariah Carey clone
winning the American Idol.

King to prince
father to son
cleric to God
"an old war has begun".

I have to leave it all behind
for the kids bed time story.
Maybe something from Dr. Seuss...
Old war, wild war, cold war, bio war...

I think God could use some advice.
He needs answers too.
I'm sure you'll grant he has free will
giving his experiments multiple outcomes.

If all you get are questions
and requests
you're bound to get
pissed off too.

I wish the kids would sleep
perchance to dream
meanwhile the small print
on MSNBC is a scream.

Now whats on
the Histrionic channel?
The Germans fall in line
behind a liar.

click

I get by with a little help
from Depends.
At least the dumbmercials
are getting better.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jan 05 - 11:29 PM

"__________ is rubbish!" - jOhn from Hull

It's a very useful phrase for launching silly threads about practically nothing...

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Teresa
Date: 26 Jan 05 - 12:09 AM

Visualize whirled peas.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Com Seangan
Date: 26 Jan 05 - 03:54 PM

The tail or "earball" addded oin to the proverbs in OIrish are very witty. One comes to mind from County Waterford: "Cabhair gach aon rud - mar aduirt an dreoilin nuair a dhen se a mhuinin sa bhfarraige"

"Every little helps - as the wren said when he did his little pee-pee into the sea"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Jan 05 - 08:11 AM

In any unpleasant situation: "Well, it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick." Or "Well, it's better than playing with a knife and cutting yourself."

Once my wife and I, while stuck in an unpleasant place, amused ourselves by thinking of things it was better than. Soon we were laughing.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Jan 05 - 11:18 AM

...better than forty lashes with a wet noodle

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 03:00 PM

I've got vogons in my stomach....

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 04:05 PM

Heard a good one on TV last night, in 'The Rock'... 'How in the name of Zeus's butthole did you get out of your cell?'

I've got the perfect person to use it on.. just have to find the perfect moment....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:40 AM

Never count your chickens crossing the road until they've burned their bridges!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Layah
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 04:14 PM

Don't sweat petty things and don't pet sweaty things.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 03:39 PM

I WILL be DIPPED IN sh#t.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: John O'L
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 10:39 PM

No flies on me. (When you've done or said something uncharacteristically clever)

I said that to my mother once and quick as a flash she said "No, but I can see where they've been."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: sixtieschick
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 01:14 AM

A Yiddish one:

You can't piss on my back and call it rain!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 06:13 AM

A woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, is setting her sights too high.

Your boss may be mistaken, but he is NEVER wrong.

It should be possible to find an honest politician, if you visit enough graveyards.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 09:45 PM

Cream of the crock.

Crap circles.

~S~