Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???

Subject: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: John M.
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 03:47 PM

Hello everyone,

If you are easily offended, please STOP READING.   This thread is for mature audiences only.  Please don't post "dreadful song" or "worst song written" as you are not helping. 

Below is a traditional bawdy song titled:  'The Street of a Thousand Assholes'       

Do you sing this song?  If yes, to what tune?  Where & when did you learn it?

If you know this song -- or any bawdy songs -- would you please consider doing a telephone interview with me for folkloristic purposes?   If you would like more information, you can send me an email me at [e-mail]

Any help is appreciated.

Sincerely,

John Mehlberg
~
My, mostly traditional, bawdy songs, toasts and recitations website: www.immortalia.com
~

THE STREET OF A THOUSAND ARSE HOLES
[tune - unknown]

In the Street of a Thousand Arse Holes
Heath the sign of swinging tit,
There lived a Chinese maiden
By the name of U-Flung-Shit.

CHORUS:

Her greasy twot
Was always hot,
U-Flung-Shit,
her name, her name,
U-Flung-Shit her name.

She sat beneath the joss sticks
With a smile of celestial bliss,
Her breath like scented lotus,
Her eyes like pools of piss.

She thought of her lover, the bastard,
She thought of her pox ridden beaux,
She thought of the scores she'd had on the floors,
When up walked Won-Hung-Low.

"Oh come to me, you bag of shit."
He cried with tits in hand,
"My love for you will last for hours
Like ice upon the burning sand."

She raised herself on her starboard tit,
And gave her tits a tweak,
With smiles in her eyes she stared at him
And said, "Go shit a Peke."

He clutched his tool with calloused hand
And beat it on the walls,
Removed his hat and trampled that
Then danced upon his balls.

At length with anger screaming out
He pissed himself with spleen.
He went and shit and stamped in it,
His scrotum turned quite green.

His anger quickly mastered him,
He felt with fury black,
She stood on him and bared her quim
And pissed on the bugger's back.

The Chinese maiden now is gone;
No longer does she sit,
In the Street of a Thousand Arse Holes
By the sign of the swinging tit.

Notes: Alternate title 'In Crawled One-Hung-Low'.  This text is from pgs 6-7 of FATHER RUGBY REVEALS (1976) edited & in part written by Jackie Martin.  This version is of British origin as it uses ARSE hole and the tune is not listed.  This song is generally known as a recitation.  It can be found recited on Mack McCormick's UNEXPURGATED FOLK SONGS OF MEN lp (1960) and it is listed as a recitation in online Hash House Hymnals.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 08:00 AM

As you have already posted John - recitation. Never ever heard this with a tune, only spoken with a sort of rhythmic chant. Slightly cleaned up it becomes the Street of a Thousand Arc Lamps. Probably still well known amongst the rugger buggers.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,banjoman
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 06:22 AM

Learnt this one in the school playground circa 1954 - not heard of it since and didn't remember all the verses.

Didnt think there was a tune to it - could be an early "rap" thinking about it
I know snatches of a few bawdy songs & would pass them on if you want them. email me at [e-mail]

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Hootenanny
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 10:07 AM

Heard this in the army and from severel other people including relatives who all seemed to have learned it during army service. Always recited, never sung. Also the name of the slant-eyed Chinese maiden was usually Hu Flung Shit.
What poetry.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Once Famous
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 10:27 AM

I am not at all easily offended as many on this site know.

However it is got to be one of the worst songs and a dreadful song and I am going to comment on it anyway.

who in their right mind would perform a song like this? This is something that would be sung by someone who thinks of themself as an artist?

It's British slang thankfully makes me grateful it is not of American origin.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 11:58 AM

Well Martin, as you obviously like that one you would love "The Great Farting Contest at Shittam on Pease".

Perhaps some kind soul knows all the words and could post them.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Once Famous
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 12:39 PM

Listen, I don't care what you sing and again i actually might enjoy it to some degree.

But posting and endorsing this stuff as art or folklore helps me justify why I can say just about anything I want about anybody.

You only show your own decadence, not mine. I only need to point to threads like this when someone finds an opinion I make offensive.

Be my guest, except I have the right to denounce it as any kind of an artform.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Sam Hall
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 01:27 PM

"……makes me grateful it is not of American origin."

Typical jingoistic American crap out of Martin Gibson. This is mild. I could post some thing like this OF AMERICAN ORIGIN that would fry your eyeballs and char your ears.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 01:42 PM

Martin-
Whether or not this kind of thing is art is arguable. That it's folklore is not!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 01:46 PM

While reading off the title of this thread aloud to a friend, she immediately began to hum the tune to the Wedding March!!!!   

Hey, if the shoe fits......

Michelle

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Once Famous
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 02:03 PM

Guest, Sam Hall

Go ahead post it. Please show me. I dare you. Show me all the decadent things that interest you and why you are so tuned in to that kind of crap.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 02:22 PM

"So here's a hearty cheer for filth, depravity, perversion, and sleaze" from America"

Gibson you need educating about your own country before you go slagging of others Bawdy side of America

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Cluin
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 03:05 PM

Oh, we can do better than that...


Pretty Redwing, Another Version

There once was an Indian maid
Who always was afraid
That some buckaroo
Would slip it up her slue
As she lay sleeping the whole night through

She had an idea grand
And filled it up with sand
So no big buck
In search of a fuck
Could reach the Promised Land

Oh, the moon shines bright on pretty Redwing
As she lay sleeping
There came a-creeping
A cowboy quietly came creeping
His heart a-leaping
As he spied her

Redwing sprang to life
Whipped out her Bowie knife
With two quick cuts
She severed his nuts
And then she stabbed him in the guts

The cowboy, he did die
Beneath the prairie sky
He stretched his luck
In search of a fuck
For Redwing was too sly

Oh, the moon shines bright on pretty Redwing
As she lies snoring
There hangs a warning
The cowboy's balls are now adorning
Her teepee awning
For all to see

But to her big surprise
Her belly began to rise
And out of her cunt
Came a little runt
Who had a strange look in his eyes

Poor Redwing was distressed
Until the Chief confessed
You can't pull the wool
Over Sitting Bull
At fucking, I'm the best

Oh, the moon shines bright on pretty Redwing
Within her teepee
The kid makes peepee
And Redwing constantly is sleepy
As she makes yippee
With Sitting Bull





Just goes to show you that everybody has a dirty song tradition. There are more, both American AND British. That one came from this book, which someone gave me for Christmas one year. Don't make me post The Ballad of Eskimo Nell or Charlotte the Harlot or the Marines' Hymn or The Winnipeg Whore...

By the way, this book does have a tune for the verse in the initial post of this thread, but it's under the title of The Man Who Fucked His Hat with slightly different lyrics.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Once Famous
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 03:11 PM

Listen, Guest or Richard Bridge quite probably, I am quite familiar with all things American.

I am also quite familiar that you represent the decadence of your little country.

I'm just not enamored with them as so called conversation on this forum, that's all. I find them the lowest form of art.

Your attitude really smells as bad as your breath. Please cross your legs so we don't need to smell it.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Hootenanny
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 06:35 PM

Cluin,

Is the last item in your posting (two above) the "Village Blacksmith"?

Beneath the spreading chestnut tree
The village blacksmith sat
Amusing himself, abusing himself
An making a cunt with his hat

This is another one that I have only heard as a recitation, and as far as I'm aware that's all there is to it.

I wonder if the people that get upset by this type of material have ever spent time in the services under sometimes some very dificult/dangerous situations as it seems to be that that is where most of this material has the longest/strongest tradition. Laughter even at very tasteless and crude entertainment is very often a safety valve.

I'm not looking for excuses for finding this type of material amusing and anything that brings a smile to my face is welcome.

Like it or not it is definitely in the folk tradition.

Here's to an unlaced sense of humour.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Cluin
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 06:53 PM

Nope, different one, Hoot. A couple verses from the one I mentioned:

Oh, his anger overcame him
And he pissed upon the wall
And he grabbed his hat and he fucked it
And he trod on his one good ball.

On the Street of a Million Sorrows
By the sign of the Pregnant Cat
They bore him away in splendor
As the man who fucked his hat.


The verse you submitted I remember more like:

Beneath the spreading chestnut tree
The village idiot sat
He rolled his eyes and flapped his lips
And jerked off in his hat

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 06:12 AM

The verse about the village idiot is from "The Ball of Kirremuir" which starts

Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness
When they wnt back home again there were four and twenty less
Singing balls to your partners arses to the wall
If you've never been shagged on a Saturday night
You've never been shagged at all.

The verses are many and various and all obscene.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,banjoman
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 06:45 AM

I am concerned at the way this thread has developed into an inter nation slanging match - what happened to the "special relationship"
Anyway - the only good thing that ever came from America was the boat leaving for England. They can't really even accept credit for inventing the banjo as this was brought from Africa by slaves.
Bawdy ballads have alway formed a part of tradition - just listen to some of the more lurid lyrics sung in the music halls of victorian times.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Lighter
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 08:19 PM

Highly disagreeable and understandably offensive, this began as a burlesque of "The Street of a Thousand Lanterns," performed from 1934 by the British music-hall comic Billy Bennett. The original features a vaguely similar sort of crude punning and humor, though it's not on so low a level as the folk version:

http://www.monologues.co.uk/Street_Of_Thousand_Lanterns.htm

Probably part of its original appeal (to certain listeners) was the knowledge that it was indeed an extreme parody. I can easily imagine British soldiers and sailors in China, Hong Kong, and Singapore in the '30s, hating their duty stations and the locals as well, and passing along the parody.

Evidently it was rather well known at one time - in certain circles.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: John M.
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 11:14 PM

Thanks Lighter. I appreciate the link.   

I also appreciate the info that there is a tune in The Dirty Songbook.

I tend not to attibute origins of the songs/recitations because perhaps the "Street of a Thousand Lanterns" is a cleaned up version of the bawdy recitation which preceeded it. I just don't have enough evidence. As for now, the 1934 date is the earliest.   

The main problem I have with the monologues.co.uk website is that it tends not to give bibliographic references for the monologues.   For example they have a version of "The Pissing Pup" attibuted to Leslie Sarony and I contributed the "much older" Immortalia (1927) text. They give no references for the Leslie Sarony attribution so I have no way to check.

If you sing this, I would greatly appreciate you posting to the thread or emailing me at [e-mail]

.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Lighter
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 11:42 PM

I should have said, "*evidently* began as a burlesque." It's true we can't know which came first, but till we find solid evidence pre- Bennett, the "clean" version has primacy.

In theory, any song or poem could have an untraced predecessor, clean or otherwise.

Thanks for the caution about the dates on that site.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Spike
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 06:04 AM

This version lacks the lines
"And she candled herself in the moonlight
With an air of celestial bliss"
   and these lines are part of what I remember from my university college 60 years ago. These lines are much better poetry than those in your version.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Spike
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 06:10 AM

The first verse should go:-
"In the street of a thousand arseholes
By the sign of the swinging tit
Lived a slant-eyed chinese maiden
By the name of Who Flung Shit"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 06:29 AM

I have always heard it in my head to the tune of Annie Laurie. Whether this is purely subjective and mnemonic, or whether I ever heard anyone, in army days or soccer-playing days, or whenever, sing it thus I cannot now call to mind.

~Michael~

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 06:32 AM

First verse as I had it went

In the street of a thousand arseholes
At the sign of the Swinging Tit
Oof-Lunglung was murdered
By his brother Oof-Lung Shit

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Jack Campin
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 06:42 AM

I can't see how to fit the chorus to the chorus of "Annie Laurie" - did the tune for that come from elsewhere?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 07:00 AM

Don't think version I knew included the chorus given above, Jack. Rather it repeated, as does Annie Laurie, part of the verse as chorus ~

His brother Oof-Lungshit [bis]
Oof-Lungdung ... usw

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 07:38 AM

There's an obvious typo in the first verse as posted in the initial post:

In the Street of a Thousand Arse Holes
Heath the sign of swinging tit...

The verse should read:

In the Street of a Thousand Arse Holes
NEATH the sign of swinging tit...

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,tim
Date: 21 Aug 12 - 05:53 PM

fairly sure i first heard this on radio but may have been tv, circa early 80's and am fairly certain it was Spike Milligan reciting, which would match with it being radio and the era, so I always assumed it was his own, the usual irreverent frivolity we know and loved him for. It was a rhythmic chant, poetry-like but no tune that I recall. It's a bit vulgar for her but close your eyes and pretend that it's Pam Ayres reciting, that would be funny, with the broad accent of hers.... where is she now....

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Guest: Tracey
Date: 06 Nov 12 - 03:47 PM

I remember this as something my father learned in the air force cadets during WW2. He only recited the first verse which had us kids in the back seat of our Holden FJ screaming with laughter, while mum would primly purse her lips and tell dad he was "shocking".

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Ted
Date: 06 Oct 13 - 05:17 PM

I remember the second verse being:
Her gowns were of the finest silk,
she had them by the score.
The message 'O401-long 1'
Was painted on her door.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Guest TC
Date: 31 Jul 17 - 06:29 AM

The version I heard was this. "In the time of the Pharaohs and the Phoenicians under the sign of the swinging tit, there lived a slant eyed maiden by the name of who flung shit. Her lover was a sailor bold who served aboard a lugger, he wasn't fit to shovel shit the dirty rotten bugger. He took her to his room one day, he knew it was unlawful, for when he pulled her knickers down the smell was something awful. One day he sailed away she sent him cigarettes in parcels, did she see that man again did she fucking arseholes".

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 31 Jul 17 - 04:28 PM

TC
There are 2 bawdy monologues here. After the word 'shit' it goes off into 'Little Nell' 'The moon shone on the village green, it shone on little Nell, was she picking buttercups, was she bloody hell! She was waiting for her lover, the mucky lord and bugger, he wasn't etc.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Neddy
Date: 03 Aug 18 - 05:19 AM

In the 70s I had either an EP or LP with this song on it. It was Rugby Songs Party by The Scrum Halves. I knew of the song only as The Street of 1000 because all the rude words were bleeped out. As an example, a line of lyrics went: By the sign of a swinging BLEEP! And another ... Her greasy BLEEP! was always hot. This, I thought, was what made it so comical.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Neddy
Date: 03 Aug 18 - 05:26 AM

Just found a reference to it online, album with list of the tracks. And, by the way, these were sung, not recited:

A1        She Was Poor But She Was Honest        
A2        Limericks        
A3        The Ball Of Kirriemuir        
A4        The Goosing Of Lou        
A5        Derby Rams        
A6        Hairy Shorts        
B1        Sweet Violets        
B2        Bang Away Lulu        
B3        Street Of A Thousand        
B4        The Good Ship Venus        
B5        Dinah        
B6        Lydia Pink

https://www.discogs.com/The-Scrum-Halves-Rugby-Songs-Party/release/4100968

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Paul Reade
Date: 05 Aug 18 - 04:18 AM

Spike Milligan managed to sneak a reference to this song past the notoriously eagle-eyed BBC censors in the 1950s. In the radio Goon Show episode "Dishonoured" he referred to "... the Street of a Thousand Households ...", but the studio audience's spontaneous loud laughter showed they immediately made the connection!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Iains
Date: 06 Aug 18 - 05:47 AM

The song was a sung regularly at the Prospect of Whitby on Wapping wall, back in the 60's. The upstairs was a trendy restaurant, the downstairs a dive. The group was fenced in by scaffold bars and the floor would be ankle deep in broken glass by the end of the night.
20 minutes to reach the bar and the same again to be served. The cognoscenti bought by the crate and stacked it handily, early in the evening.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Rumncoke
Date: 07 Aug 18 - 04:38 PM

Somewhere I have a small reel of tape with various ditties - it starts off with - I believe Bang Bang Lulu and its downhill from there on - I do not have a reel to reel tape recorder any more, but maybe one day....

I used to go caving and cavers make rugby players seem like boy scouts - mind you - I've known former boy scouts who had a considerable repertoire of this stuff.

In my experience, its the quiet ones you need to watch out for... those who are bawling out the naughty stuff pink faced and cheerfully sozzled are usually found face down on the sofa and snoring by midnight.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 07 Aug 18 - 07:25 PM

Popular songs are always susceptible to bawdy parody - especially in an all male domain.

I can recall two examples from my time in a drawing office in the 1970s.

"Walking My Baby Back Home" became one verse as follows

Gee but its great
After raping your date
Dragging her body back home

Totally unacceptable of course but it happened.

The other came from the Beatles Twist and Shout and contained the couplet

She's having a baby now
Pissed on stout

For our American cousins stout is usually a strong dark ale.

And as Sid Kipper would say "Up Yours"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 02:36 PM

I noticed the tune fits nicely into Beethoven's 9th 'Freuda'

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: Iains
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 02:34 PM

This is the tune that I heard it sung to, starting at 58seconds in.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5_M9kTBmug

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Street of a Thousand Assholes' Tune???
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 29 Mar 20 - 10:13 PM

Popped this up out of curiosity when a passing remark reminded me of the days long ago when such cultural gems were performed in male company in the alcoholic haze of the apres done it - ie the physical exercise.

Most of us were quite what might be described as normal most of the time!

As far as I know it never really did me or anyone else any harm.