Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BOLLARD OF CAP'N SCHOONER
From: GUEST,Koala Lou
Date: 14 Jan 05 - 02:07 PM

I've recently discovered the "poem" below. Do any Australian readers know its background and which tune(s) may be associated with it? I suspect it to be a satire based as a parody on Byron's "Don Juan" but would appreciate any information you may have.

THE BOLLARD OF CAP'N SCHOONER
"A ryme of old salte" and ode to a livin' legend; jest arsk 'im.

Come all ye folksong mummers, all ye scraping ballad hummers
And lend your fond attention (if you can);
Here's a saga for the pupils of that Houdini of scruples,
That Methuselah of muses, Great-Ur-Dan.

In '65 (or was it '66?), "Two lads off a whaler" out for kicks
Found Melbourne Town in shanty singing mood.
They heard Moonbeam's soft bellow along a Marty Winding-Road
And joined right in as all good folkies should.

Wee Gordie was a Scot who liked to play a lot
Onna wee Martine acoustical guitar;
The other one, named Daniel, ("Desperate Dan the Spaniel")
Was borne that night upon a wondrous star.

Frankly Traynor's was the Mecca for this folkish trendy setter;
Fishy jerseys, gummy boots rolled to the knee (knee knee),
Singin' salty songs of sail, often mentioning the whale
And "a hoyes me buoys" and a-blowin' out to sea (see see?)

Dandy diddled-oh and bent the alt ego; the pleasantry were all there oh,
In sunny Oz where wattle blossom blooms.
Our lad let out his trousers, playing knightly to packed houses,
Shurrup folk clubs and all kinds of baah rooms.

When 'e were only three e' first run away away ter sea;
Saw the ocean's briny deeply…………Salty! Cold!
'E was'is capting's pride (and joy), 'e was the "'andsome gabbin' boy"
And they'd go Jim Hawking, jolly sailors bold.

'Twere no vessel faster than their stately twenny marster,
With freedom of the Thames (and Heartly Pool),
And so the little bugger became first mate of a lugger
Before he even thought of going to school.

Oh tempestuous River Thames! Where the matelot lands ends
And the tarry ring-tailed Rodgers roll ashore!
The boys they all went cockneyed and the girls became all knock-kneed
When they heard the tales of our great commodore.

How he sailed from old Nantucket in a jumbly-sieved gut bucket
Out by Greenland's fairy islands and beyond;
And remember? How with one grab he sequestered Cap'n Ahab
And caught the great white whale way underground?

A queer Queeg for 'ard sailin', 'e was a terror at the whalin'
All Berts and You'uns better "Stand aside!"
In iceberg or in monsoon 'e would ply 'is hardy harpoon
On his Stormy sudden notions wild and wide.

Up the great St Lawrence seaway, Dan Rosbif gave no leeway
When the staunchly Admiral, Brave Benbow and he
Scaled Abraham and Alma (Monty Zuma? Monty Karma?);
The bravest Wolfe to sail the seventies.

In his lunchbreak he was legend. You just could not imagine
How 'e played right out, won Spurs for Arse 'n' all
And centre half wit' Chelsea (or was it left harfwit wit' Swansea?),
An' 'ow the 'Ammers could've 'ad 'im inner goal.

In the square ring he was mighty, an Olympian for Blighty!
Once 'e knocked down seven wit' one blow (me bully boys, blow!).
He clearly was no chump at the noble art of thump;
See the meddle ribbons glistening, all in a row?

'e went big-hewin' doon the mine (jest by way of overtime)
And 'eld the great Mc'Coalls within 'is 'and.
And when he singly sung the fishin', some L'arners they was wishin'
They could be just like this oarsome fishyman.

And while we was just survivin' O O Dan was M.I.5n'
And bored the white man's burden far away.
Fifth columnist or commie were no match for 'super pommie';
That's why the Hempire's wiv us still today!

Now, this blustery, blistery bloke could, in one bluff blinding stroke,
Becalm the fulsomely informed, on every subject.
Though sometimes the shpiel he shpoke weren't quite the same as wrote,
It all sounded as real as a brick object.

"I was there wiv Nelson!" he would mutter, and sententiously utter
All the misremembered record sleeves of yore
And the cringing adulation of the lost sheep of Folk Station
Only made him think the poor fools wanted more!

Jacker Ryan (and Dan), jammin', fiddled mightily with Tamlin,
On the roof and 'round the mulberry tree,
While the populace, enraptured, never realized 'twas captured.
Truth's an exponential riddle game. (You see?)
And the Fenian, (Vile Colonial!), with sceptic insult only
Will disturb the poise of Noble Deacon Dan,
So be banished, lonely seeker! To the old stockade, Eureka,
Where truly blue, the Bush Band Boom began.

Some "other singers", it must be told, were unbecoming, bold;
It's hinted that they too were valued, subtly.
But their questions hypothetical were condemned as quite heretical;
They were excommunicastaway, quite utterly!

"They don' luv fo' music!" he would say "And don' know the way.
They 'ave transgressed the great unwritten law!
For Lord Dan, He are the greatest, an' they are jus' the latest
In a rough riff-raff of folksingers impure!"

Who dares to come and say it could be any other way
Than Goshpell from the Bishoprick of Dan?
"Only innit fer a quid!" Did Dan say that? Yes he did!
"A bit mean" I thought, from such a wholly man.

Once, an ethnomusicologist (neither fawning nor apologist),
Tried to ascertain; was there a grain of truth?
His questions, calmly posed, showed the Emperor with no clothes!
'Smithsonious Felonious' forsooth!

For the 'Ruler of the Queen's Navee' never rooly went to sea
("'cept Soufend, goin' on a summer 'oliday")
And 'the old crew' (mostly scattered) can be seen (some bruised and battered)
In the Tattered Remnant Folk Club, not OK!

So, as the lofty ship of state (are you still awake?),
Wears its tacky way through fairly stormy weather,
The poor bewildered crew are left blubbering in the stew,
For "Cap'n's gorn!" and POQ'ed their Endeavour.

But his laurels rudely wrested where the cuckoo-bardies nested
Are backstaged to avoid all complications.
Noughtical medals and diplomas, high degrees (or vague misnomers?);
A pretty plethora of dubious qualifications!

"Yeah, but worrabout a 'K'?" Is there anyone to say
He DON'T deserve the gracious sovereign's gong?
Sir Paul, Sir Mick, Sir Elton, why he'd give them all a beltin';
There's none of them could sing his mighty song.

Now a vain, though fragile, man (By Appointment, Prophet) Dan
'aunts the draughty 'alls of 'igher learnin' classes
And from eminences folklorix the old tory waxeth prolix,
Casting erudition's pearlers 'fore the masses.

And interminably we suffer from excess of this old buffer,
The endless bo'sun of 'is deeds the mast before;
Yaw yaw yawning day and night! Oh, how piteous our plight,
Slowly dying from hex caliber, small bore!

But, all hail the hoary folker! Be ye topman, be ye stoker,
Be ye joker in the quarterdeck of fate,
With the delicacy of Flashman he now lectures to the trashcan;
A fishy 'roamer lingering in his wake………….Wake up!

What a testament to man! (Note resemblance to P. Pan
Or Wandering Matthew, Master Marineer)
Ah, the cruel sea still rages while our Dandy hardly ages
But spreads the Bounty blithely, year by year.

So while we poor mortals stray, in our strangely folked-up way,
The "Living Bible" leads us mile by mile,
Down the path so broadly winding that the elf-queen showed with warning
Still he leads us on and on, smile by smile.

His career has been so glorious, self-aggrandisment so stentorious
He surely shouldn't stop; not yet awhile?
But the thing that I find oddest, is now he's so 'credibly modest
In a fine, upstanding, grand, old-fashioned style.

Subject: RE: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Charley Noble
Date: 14 Jan 05 - 02:34 PM

Good lord, what a monstrous ballad! Surely this belongs in the Ozzie archives of nautical fantasy.

Alert to Jack Halyard and his intrepid crew!

Alert to the great bark James Craig!

Just where was this poem discovered?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: GUEST,Koala Lou
Date: 16 Jan 05 - 02:39 PM

A friend of mine showed it to me while passing through South Carolina. He found it while traveling through Australia and wondered what it was about. A quick canter through it shows lots of references to folklore so I thought I would ask the experts.

Subject: RE: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Joybell
Date: 17 Jan 05 - 02:54 AM

Well it does go on doesn't it? Cheers, Joy

Subject: RE: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Jan 05 - 08:37 AM

It's no wonder we gave it away, isn't it? ... :-)

Subject: RE: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 18 Jan 05 - 10:40 PM

G'day Koala Lou,

I've been pondering this strange tale ... hoping someone closer to the time and place might come up with a good explanation. Anyway, it obviously deals with the halcyon days of the Melbourne folkmusic scene - roughly 1965 - early '70s ... when some UK singers (in this case Danny Spooner, Martin Wyndham-Read and Gordon McIntyre) made an impact on the local folk scene.

The writer seems upset about all sorts of issues ... and most of them get lost because the epic is just too clever by half (and, maybe, too long by three quarters!). I guess the nub of it is that Danny Spooner got some sort of academic position ... and the author didn't.

Maybe someone who was there (I was variously in Sydney / Tasmania / Snowy Mts / Tasmania / Sydney over the period of the piece) has a more coherent view of the story, but I don't think I would try singing it. (The last line suggests that the song it's modelled on might have been The Fine Old English Gentleman ... well, for that verse, anyway!

Regards,

Bob

Subject: RE: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Micca
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 03:15 AM

Bob, If I may so bold, the rhythm and rhyme scheme seem to me very like " Green eye of the little yellow god" poem!!

Subject: RE: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 06:39 AM

G'day Micca,

This is serious pastiche ... if there is anything that doesn't get a run ... at some point ... it's an oversight.

(Actually, it's the wording of the last line that reflects The Fine Old English Gentleman ... not the verse structure. It could squeezed into almost any old classic ballad tune ... but not by me!)

Regards,

Bob

Subject: RE: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 06:54 AM

"Sir Paul, Sir Mick, Sir Elton, why he'd give them all a beltin'"

That puts the composition after 1997.

Subject: RE: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 05:25 PM

G'day Paul Burke,

Oh yes ... I did notice that line on my scan through ... then forgot (as Art Thieme says: "When your memory starts to go ... forget it!") to check those dates. I think the poem started out in the early '70s ... maybe even the late '60s ... and has had more recent additions, either by the original author - or by another hand.

Hmmm...

Regards,

Bob

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: GUEST,Messmate
Date: 24 Jan 05 - 03:42 PM

Following Koala Lou's lead I did a "quick canter" through the piece and made some annotations which might interest people. It took a couple of evenings to complete but was an interesting contemplation.

I have accumulated a total of 56 annotations in all. The piece makes reference to at least 14 folk songs/tunes I can recognize as well as numerous books, plays or operettas and films and at least six identifiable personalities, some of whom have international recognition. Many of the annotations deal with aspects of the folk scene's context that might be of interest to researchers.

Its authorship remains unclear but whoever it is/was (one of the "knock-kneed" girls exacting some retribution, perhaps?) they certainly don't have much regard for the way Danny Spooner conducted himself. They also appear to have an extensive knowledge/repertoire of traditional British folk song (and thus Danny Spooner's performance repertoire) and certainly must have/had a fairly intimate knowledge of the Melbourne folkmusic scene at least as far back as the early 1970s.

For those who are interested in the references I include them as endnotes below. Sorry about the size but I don't have a site for a blue clicky.

The Bollard of Cap'n Schooner(1)
"A ryme of old salte" and ode to a livin' legend; jest arsk 'im.

Come all ye folksong mummers, all ye scraping ballad hummers
And lend your fond attention (if you can);
Here's a saga for the pupils of that Houdini of scruples,
That Methuselah of muses, Great-Ur-Dan.

In '65 (or was it '66?), "Two lads off a whaler" out for kicks
Found Melbourne Town in shanty singing mood.
They heard Moonbeam's(2)soft bellow along a Marty Winding-Road(3)
And joined right in as all good folkies should.

Wee Gordie(4)was a Scot who liked to play a lot
Onna wee Martine acoustical guitar;
The other one, named Daniel, ("Desperate Dan the Spaniel")
Was borne that night upon a wondrous star.

Frankly Traynor's(5)was the Mecca for this folkish trendy setter;
Fishy jerseys, gummy boots rolled to the knee (knee knee),
Singin' salty songs of sail, often mentioning the whale(6)
And "a hoyes me buoys" and a-blowin' out to sea (see see?)

Dandy diddled-oh and bent the alt ego(7); the pleasantry were all there oh,
In sunny Oz where wattle blossom blooms.
Our lad let out his trousers, playing knightly to packed houses,
Shurrup folk clubs and all kinds of baah(8)rooms.

When 'e were only three e' first run away away ter sea;
Saw the ocean's briny deeply…………Salty! Cold!
'E was'is capting's pride (and joy), 'e was the "'andsome gabbin' boy"(9)
And they'd go Jim Hawking, jolly sailors bold.

'Twere no vessel faster than their stately twenny marster,(10)
With freedom of the Thames (and Heartly Pool)(11),
And so the little bugger became first mate of a lugger
Before he even thought of going to school.(12)

Oh tempestuous River Thames!(13) Where the matelot lands ends
And the tarry ring-tailed(14)Rodgers roll ashore!
The boys they all went cockneyed and the girls became all knock-kneed
When they heard the tales of our great commodore.

How he sailed from old Nantucket in a jumbly-sieved gut bucket
Out by Greenland's fairy islands and beyond;(15)
And remember? How with one grab he sequestered Cap'n Ahab
And caught the great white whale way underground?(16)

A queer Queeg(17)for 'ard sailin', 'e was a terror at the whalin'
All Berts(18)and You'uns better "Stand aside!"
In iceberg or in monsoon 'e would ply 'is hardy harpoon
On his Stormy(19)sudden notions wild and wide.

Up the great St Lawrence seaway, Dan Rosbif (20)gave no leeway
When the staunchly Admiral, Brave Benbow(21)and he
Scaled Abraham(22)and Alma(23)(Monty Zuma?(24)Monty Karma?);(25)
The bravest Wolfe to sail the seventies.

In his lunchbreak he was legend. You just could not imagine
How 'e played right out, won Spurs for Arse 'n' all
And centre half wit' Chelsea (or was it left harfwit wit' Swansea?),
An' 'ow the 'Ammers could've 'ad 'im inner goal.(26)

In the square ring he was mighty, an Olympian for Blighty!
Once 'e knocked down seven wit' one blow(27)(me bully boys, blow!).
He clearly was no chump at the noble art of thump;
See the meddle ribbons glistening, all in a row?

'e went big-hewin' doon the mine (jest by way of overtime)
And 'eld the great Mc'Coalls within 'is 'and.
And when he singly sung the fishin',(28)some L'arners(29)they was wishin'
They could be just like this oarsome fishyman.

And while we was just survivin' O O Dan was M.I.5n'(30)
And bored the white man's burden far away.
Fifth columnist or commie were no match for 'super pommie';
That's why the Hempire's wiv us still today!

Now, this blustery, blistery bloke could, in one bluff blinding stroke,
Becalm the fulsomely informed, on every subject.
Though sometimes the shpiel he shpoke weren't quite the same as wrote,
It all sounded as real as a brick object.

"I was there wiv Nelson!"(31)he would mutter, and sententiously utter
All the misremembered record sleeves of yore
And the cringing adulation of the lost sheep of Folk Station
Only made him think the poor fools wanted more!

Jacker Ryan(32)(and Dan), jammin', fiddled mightily with Tamlin,(33)
On the roof(34)and 'round the mulberry tree,
While the populace, enraptured, never realized 'twas captured.
Truth's an exponential riddle game. (You see?)

And the Fenian, (Vile Colonial!)(35), with sceptic insult only
Will disturb the poise of Noble Deacon Dan,
So be banished, lonely seeker!(36) To the old stockade, Eureka,(37)Where truly blue(38), the Bush Band Boom(39)began.

Some "other singers", it must be told, were unbecoming, bold;
It's hinted that they too were valued, subtly.
But their questions hypothetical were condemned as quite heretical;
They were excommunicastaway, quite utterly!(40)

"They don' luv fo' music!" he would say "And don' know the way.
They 'ave transgressed the great unwritten law!
For Lord Dan, He are the greatest(41), an' they are jus' the latest
In a rough riff-raff of folksingers impure!"

Who dares to come and say it could be any other way
Than Goshpell from the Bishoprick of Dan?
"Only innit fer a quid!" Did Dan say that? Yes he did!(42)
"A bit mean" I thought, from such a wholly man.

Once, an ethnomusicologist (neither fawning nor apologist),
Tried to ascertain; was there a grain of truth?
His questions, calmly posed, showed the Emperor with no clothes!
'Smithsonious Felonious' forsooth!(43)

For the 'Ruler of the Queen's Navee'(44) never rooly went to sea
("'cept Soufend, goin' on a summer 'oliday")(45)
And 'the old crew' (mostly scattered) can be seen (some bruised and battered)
In the Tattered Remnant Folk Club, not OK!

So, as the lofty ship of state (are you still awake?),
Wears its tacky way through fairly stormy weather,
The poor bewildered crew are left blubbering in the stew,
For "Cap'n's gorn!" and POQ'ed their Endeavour.(46)

But his laurels rudely wrested where the cuckoo-bardies nested
Are backstaged to avoid all complications.
Noughtical medals and diplomas, high degrees (or vague misnomers?);
A pretty plethora of dubious qualifications!

"Yeah, but worrabout a 'K'?" Is there anyone to say
He DON'T deserve the gracious sovereign's gong?
Sir Paul, Sir Mick, Sir Elton,(47)why he'd give them all a beltin';
There's none of them could sing his mighty song.

Now a vain, though fragile, man (By Appointment(48), Prophet) Dan
'aunts the draughty 'alls of 'igher learnin' classes(49)
And from eminences folklorix the old tory waxeth prolix,
Casting erudition's pearlers 'fore the masses.

And interminably we suffer from excess of this old buffer,
The endless bo'sun of 'is deeds the mast before;
Yaw yaw yawning day and night! Oh, how piteous our plight,
Slowly dying from hex caliber, small bore!

But, all hail the hoary folker! Be ye topman, be ye stoker,
Be ye joker in the quarterdeck of fate,(50)
With the delicacy of Flashman(51)he now lectures to the trashcan;
A fishy 'roamer lingering in his wake………….Wake up!

What a testament to man! (Note resemblance to P. Pan(52)
Or Wandering Matthew, Master Marineer)
Ah, the cruel sea(53) still rages while our Dandy hardly ages
But spreads the Bounty blithely(54), year by year.

So while we poor mortals stray, in our strangely folked-up way,
The "Living Bible" leads us mile by mile,
Down the path so broadly winding that the elf-queen showed with warning(55)
Still he leads us on and on, smile by smile.

His career has been so glorious, self-aggrandisment so stentorious
He surely shouldn't stop; not yet awhile?
But the thing that I find oddest, is now he's so 'credibly modest
In a fine, upstanding, grand, old-fashioned style.(56)

ENDNOTES
1 This could be translated as Ballad of Danny Spooner, with reference both to his East London accent as well has the alleged self aggrandisement.
2 Brian Moonie, who had then an almost exclusively Irish repertoire sung with a heavy brogue.
3 Martin Wyndham Read, who has since moved back to Britain and performs there and in the US as "the expert on Australian folksong." In this he follows the example of AA Lloyd, who visited Australia in (I think) the 1930s, worked for a while in the bush and became familiar with some bush songs, and then returned to England where he published and performed as the expert on Australian folk music.
4 (The late) Gordon MacIntyre, who then accompanied his songs on a Martin guitar; his rendition of Blackwaterside rivals that of Annie Briggs.
5 Frank Traynor's establishment was both a jazz club and folk club and provided the start for many careers
6 A wench, a whale and a pint of good ale, featuring the above singers, was the title of a record later released.
7 Perhaps the first of many references to the allegation that Danny Spooner's background was not quite what he claimed; see Annotation #12.
8 AA (Bert) Lloyd's style of singing has been much copied.
9 The handsome cabin boy is one of many songs celebrating women's attempts to enter male domains by cross dressing.
10 A reference to The Irish Rover, a lovely fantasy/parody of forebitters.
11 Possibly a reference to the song (whose name I can't recall) celebrating an event during the Napoleonic Wars where a monkey was washed up onto the beach at Hartlepool after a storm at sea. The townspeople, believing it to be a French spy, put it on trial and subsequently hanged it
12 If Danny Spooner had been content to present himself as a leading performer of songs on the folk revival his reputation would match his performances, which were generally excellent. Like many before and since he liked his introductions of items to be informative; in an attempt to be seen as more authoritative than a mere performer in the folk revival Danny tended to describe himself as an active participant in almost all the activities referred to in his material.
13 It is now believed that the full extent of Danny Spooner's maritime experience is, at best, limited to a quite short stint as a crewman on barges along the Thames Estuary.
14 "Ring-tailed sailors" is a phrase from Whip jamboree, a shanty popular among Melbourne singers at the time.
15 Perhaps a concatenation of references to various ballads in the Childe collection; The Greenland whale fishery and many ballads involving fairies appear in this collection.
16 Refers to Moby Dick by Herman Melville.
17 The captain of the USS Caine in the film The Caine mutiny.
18 See Annotation #8; another reference to Lloyd.
19 Several popular shanties refer to Stormy or Stormalong.
20 Rosbif is a tune recently popular in sessions around Australia.
21 A forebitter by this name and in the Captain Kidd format celebrates this popular admiral.
22 A British action on the St Lawrence estuary during the Indian-French War is celebrated by the song Brave Wolfe.
23 The heights of Alma celebrates a British action in the Crimean War.
24 The halls of Montezuma are mentioned in a much loved American parody of the Song of the British Grenadiers.
25 Perhaps a reference to the waves of alternative (cults?) religions which swept through the Melbourne folk scene at the time. The Hare Krishnas, Divine Light (often referred to as the Divine Blight) and the Bagwan Maharishi (often referred to as the Guru Murrumbidgee) all gained adherents from among folkies there.
26 Hotspurs, Arsenal, Chelsea, Hammersmith refer to English football (called "soccer" by others) teams.
27 Reference to the children's tale of the same name.
28 Ewan MacColl's Radio Ballads, on various topics and produced for the BBC, provided a rich source for Danny Spooner's repertoire; he often introduced such songs implying that he had been a competitive footballer and boxer and had worked both down mines and on fishing boats.
29 Probably a reference to Chris Larner, a school teacher and fine singer, with whom Danny Spooner was associated during the 1970s. It is quite possible one of her ancestors was one of Ewan MacColl's informants when he was collecting along England's east coast and preparing his Singing the fishing.
30 Clearly a reference to "007", the hero of Ian Fleming's novels; M.I.5 is the name by which part of the British Intelligence Service is popularly known.
31 Another popular British admiral.
32 The song Jack O'Ryan tells a story of a master fiddler being usurped by his apprentice.
33 The various versions of this song are thought to celebrate Tamburlane.
34 Reference to the musical (both stage and film versions were popular at the time) Fiddler on the roof.
35 This may be a reference to a particular person (many Irish in Australia seemed unimpressed by Danny Spooner's claims to fame) but is likely to be a general reference to the increased interest (around Australia's folk scene of the mid-1970s) in instrumental music. Sessions and dances started concentrating on developing the Australian tune repertoire, which had been largely Anglo-Celtic (Scottish as well as Irish); the 'new' concentration was mostly on Irish material. This diverted much attention away from Danny Spooner's repertoire; while his guitar accompaniment was adequate his concertina playing was of the "three chord wonder" variety.
36 Possibly a reference to The Seekers, a well-known Australian group of singers of great harmonies.
37 December 2004 saw the celebration of the 150th anniversary of the Eureka Stockade, the most effective armed uprising in colonial Australia. One of the leaders was Peter Lalor (also Irish), who later became Speaker in the Victorian Parliament. As part of the anniversary Keith McKenry has recently published a paper on the songs associated with the Eureka uprising and its aftermath.
38 True Blue, by John Williams is currently a popular song celebrating "Australian values."
39 "Bush Bands" is the descriptor applied to bands which concentrated on the Australian repertoire for their songs and Anglo-Celtic tunes for traditional social dances of the colonial era. Often held in woolsheds (and thus away from urban centres), these events were (and often still are) called "bush dances".
40 Almost certainly a reference to a stoush between Danny Spooner and Peter Parkhill, witnessed by dozens of people at the 1973 National Folk Festival, held at Melbourne University. The Port Philip Folk Festival Committee (who ran that "National") were mostly members of Canterbury Fair (an a capella group which included Danny Spooner) and they asked him to run a workshop on traditional British songs about revenants. Danny Spooner asked another well-respected singer in the Melbourne folk scene, Peter Parkhill, for some specialist advice on an aspect of revenants (ghosts and similar visitations), which Peter gave him. At the workshop it became clear to many in the audience (which included Peter) that Danny was making some errors in his presentation. During question time Peter asked a diplomatically constructed question designed to help Danny give the correct information. Danny's response was, "What the (expletive deleted) would you know about it, Parkhill?" The audience was taken aback by this and Danny lost the respect of many in that audience as a result. To my knowledge Danny Spooner has never published any substantive articles about traditional or folk music whereas Peter Parkhill has published his ethnomusicological researches extensively to serious academic acclaim. This stanza may also refer to another of Danny Spooner's habits which I observed on several occasions. He was very encouraging to people he saw as 'junior' or subordinate in some way, especially if they wanted to develop a capella harmony singing. As soon as they were recognized as good (and independent) performers of such material he could be quite dismissive and would (very obviously) 'cut' them; perhaps he saw them as potential rivals threatening his domination of that sphere of activity.
41 A reference to Muhammad Ali who, at the time, was quite famously using a similar phrase.
42 This is actually quoting Danny Spooner verbatim as I have heard him say it as well.
43 I wish I could remember the name of this person who, aware of Danny Spooner's potential as a 'first hand' informant, sought to interview him on the details of how he had come by such a treasure trove of folk material.
44 Try Gilbert and Sullivan's Pirates of Penzance.
45 "We're all goin' on a summer holiday" is a phrase from a song popular in (I think) the 1970s whose name I can't now recall.
46 Australians would recognize the Endeavour as the name of James Cook's ship which mapped the east coast of New Holland in 1770.
47 Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger and Elton John were all knighted for services rendered to music (or some similar phrase); see earlier postings to this thread concerning the dating of the document.
48 American readers might not be familiar with the phrase but there was (and may still exist) a process by which a purveyor of particular (and allegedly "superior") goods to Britain's royalty could advertise such exalted status.
49 The then Dean of the Arts Faculty at Melbourne University had an interest in drinking similar to that of Danny Spooner. This connection resulted in Danny being appointed to that university's History Department as a part time Tutor. Many at the university regarded this as a victory for trivial populism and an appeal to the masses over substantive academic ability. Others regarded such an appointment as merely echoing a similar promotion of Geoffrey Blainey to the position of Professor in the same Department. Danny Spooner's role was to clarify aspects of social history by performing relevant songs during tutorials. He later used this part of his CV to gain a teaching position at one of the more expensive private secondary schools in Geelong.
50 For those unfamiliar with the niceties of social practice at sea in the 19th Century, the references to "before the mast" and "the quarterdeck" would become clear by reading Richard Dana's Two years before the mast and any of Patrick O'Brian's series on Captain Aubrey.
51 I must be getting tired, as I recognize the literary reference but can't recall its precise details.
52 Peter Pan (as described by JM Barrie) never was able to grow up and assume adult responsibility.
53 The cruel sea was written by Nicholas Monsarratt.
54 William Bligh was the commander of the Bounty when Fletcher Christian led the famous mutiny; I know of no songs celebrating any aspect of the mutiny, Bligh's subsequent navigation in an open boat to Timor (a feat perhaps equalled only by Shackleton's navigation of a similar boat from Elephant Island to South Georgia) or of the mutineers' subsequent colonization of Pitcairn Island. William Bligh later became Governor of the colony of New South Wales and was on the receiving end of a similar mutiny known as the Rum Rebellion. I can't recall any but perhaps Bob Bolton may tell us of songs celebrating that aspect of Bligh's history.
55 A reference to True Thomas, one of the Childe Ballads.
56 Previous postings have suggested these last lines allude to possible sources of the document's style.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Charley Noble
Date: 24 Jan 05 - 04:51 PM

Messmate-

Good lord. What mean-spirited drivel. I'm amazed that someone would take the trouble of posting this, and that someone else, yourself, would feel the need to explain it in so such detail. Clearly, years of back-biting, envy, and vindictiveness have gone into this ballad.

I suspect you wrote a good part of it.

I'd sure think twice before setting foot in any folk club in Melbourne.

Charley Noble, safe in Maine

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Joybell
Date: 24 Jan 05 - 07:33 PM

Amen, Charley.
I was there. Danny's a good friend. First time I've heard of this. Don't want to stir up anything but I feel compelled to say that much. Charley if you ever come to visit you can count on us to keep you safe. Cheers, Joy

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 24 Jan 05 - 07:33 PM

G'day Messmate,

Well, you've laboured mightily in an area of which I have little direct experience. I made a similar (if sketchier) set of annotations while wading through these verses. I just have a few comments on a few of your notes:

8: A.L. Lloyd ... Maybe you have something like the latest oddity of my two and two halves finger typing ... my left and right hands get out of sync ... and I double the wrong letter.

11: I think it's just called The Hartlepool Monkey ... ?

20: Rosbif is a standard french insult for an Englishman - a French corruption of "roast beef". The Old song The Roast Beef of England" compares patriotic roast beef to the newly introduced French ragoût.

29: I would have taken this as a direct reference to Sam Larner, of Winterton, a major source and contributor to the Radio Ballad Singing the Fishing ... and subject of the occasional allegation that Ewan MacColl "stole" the words of the song Shoals of Herring, rather than write it, based on Sam's characteristic speech.

35: Danny's chordal style of playing the English system concertina is unusual ... but his (recent) performances have me revising my opinion of the usability of the English System ... the the extent that I'm doing up an English System concertina to learn more of the way Danny does it!

51: It's a whole "Flashman" series of novels, by George Macdonald Fraser ... about a charming cad of an English cavalry officer ... doing well.

54: I don't know of any songs surviving in the tradition about the Rum Rebellion.

Charley: The folk clubs are pretty safe, these days ... just be careful around the Groves of Academe!

Regards,

Bob

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: GUEST,Messmate
Date: 25 Jan 05 - 12:02 PM

Bob: Thanks for the Flashman ref. I also missed out the "Jim Hawkins" ref. to RL Stevenson's Teasure Island.

Pity about the lack of Rum Rebellion songs. The ref. to Chris Larner rather than Sam is based on the notion that she was associated with Danny; I used to know her as a teacher and was aware of the connection.

Charley: I couldn't write anything so extensive. The only ability I have in such a direction is slight and concerns haiku, which require much concentrated effort on my part, and I prefer to celebrate humanity's positives. I didn't write it (the original) but thought it a rather savage critique worth analysing as a bit of a challenge to my recall of sources. I was at the '73 National and witnessed the exchange and the resulting discord but have been away from such things for quite a while now. I'm sure you'd be, as Bob says, quite safe around the folk scene and find it very enjoyable.

The Groves of Academe are quite a different matter however. Although it is off-topic there is a story John Button told that is relevant. John Button is a long-time member of the Australian Labor Party and was a Senator in the Australian Parliament for probably 30 years and a Cabinet Minister for at least 10 years. When he retired he took up a Visiting Professorship (or similar) at Melbourne Uni. A year or so later he was the guest speaker opening Writers' Week; in his speech he reminded his audience of the details of his political background and commented that he thought he "knew something about politics." When he got to the university he "realised just how ignorant [I] was."

I don't know whether a thread on the Australian attitude towards "tall poppies" is worthwhile for outsiders; I'm sure Bob would know whether there are relevant songs.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: GUEST
Date: 12 May 05 - 02:17 AM

Arrrgh Messmate. What a mess we do make sometimes!
Tall poppies may well be lopped. Just make sure we only get the weeds, eh? There seems to be more than one author of this strange tirade, a hard copy of which a friend showed me at a party recently in MELBOURNE!
(beware all ye faint of heart!), thinking, quite rightly, that I might derive some amusment, having shared parts of the journeys (voyages?) of the folk scene here in the sin city of the south.
Dear Charlie Noble, you seem like a nice man, so you'd be in no danger here if ever you should visit. Fair dinkum Australians have always resented pommie bastards and yankee knowalls, who "come a-cvilisin' us"
as Henry Lawson put it so aptly in his poem "A word to Texas Jack", all those years ago. The depredations of yer man and his ilk are partly responsible for the tragic state of the folk scene in this country.
As far as I can tell, most of the spurious claims attributed by the writer(s) of the bollard (which I find most amusing, by the way) to the subject, have appeared in print! Hoysed on his own petard, I say.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Charley Noble
Date: 12 May 05 - 09:07 AM

As for myself I'll be looking forward to meeting Danny Spooner again at the Mystic Sea Music Festival in Connecticut. I'll mention this thread and hear what he has to say.

If I do venture to Melbourne in a year or two I'll be careful not to post a thread in advance, just quietly slip in, plant a few of my own scurrilous songs, and vanish away!

It's remoured that Danny is now singing "Yangtse River Shanty," based on a 1920's poem by Hamish Maclaren which I played a major part in rewriting and setting to music. My good friend Barry Finn worked up a different musical arrangement which sounds more like a traditional sea shanty. John Roberts recently recorded a version which sounds more like what Barry is singing than what I do but he provides appropriate credit to both of us. I'm looking forward to hearing what Danny does with this song and what he says about it.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Flash Company
Date: 13 May 05 - 08:03 AM

Just as a matter of interest, could anyone ever sing this?
I once threatened a club with 'The Jest of Robin Hood' which has about 180 verses and nearly got lynched!

FC

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 08:54 AM

M. Halyard,
If you sang at Traynor's in the "late '60s" (convenient time frame, that), then I might have heard you. I wonder who you could be, with your naughtical name?...whoever you are, I put it to you that you don't have a clue about either Spooner or Parkhill. Peter's academic credentials are genuine for a start, and his collecting, begun in Melbourne in the early '70s, of migrant music (especially the Greek stuff) invaluable to contemporary Aus.Kulcher ('scuse I). Ironically it was "not feeling welcome" in what some referred to (light-heartedly) as the "Danny Folksong Spooner Club" that necessitated him finding another outlet for his intelligence and creativity, and great love and respect for traditional music and musicians. So there! All this is of course comparatve drivel, based on hearsay, highly subjective and I'm not signing my name either.
Beam me back up now please, Scottie,
A Friend (but not to all)

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Charley Noble
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 09:05 AM

Peter Parkhill's Friend-

I'll be seeing Danny this weekend at a sea music special event in the Boston area this Sunday, 1-4 pm at MIT. We probably won't mention this pathetic excuse for a thread.

Jack Halyard is another fine traditional style sea music singer, and a fine composer of ballads, historical as well as hysterical.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 11:09 AM

Dear Charley the Noble-

Thanks for putting me in my place. I'm still no wiser as to any of these naughtycal identities you all seem to possess in your old sea boys club, but then I'm a Marxist (Groucho) when it comes to clubs. Sadly, the true pathos lies much deeper. And the great pity is, it could have been all about the music, as it still can be, I'm sure.
As for the "Bollard", itself, I quite like it as a piece, positively Joycean in places - that strange old thing, The Ballard of Perrse O'Reilly comes to mind - "excommunicastaway" is good.
And who we have as 'friends', my friend, doesn's necessarily define who we are, does it? The truth seems so fragile, while the lies go round in circles. Enjoy your singing, but don't take any whalestales too seriously, eh?

Nobody's Friend and No Brother's Keeper

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Andrez
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 09:56 AM

Wow, this is what makes the Mudcat such a great site!

I was doing some browsing whilst waiting for the Oz World Cup broadcast and locked into the last link on my page, talking about "what recording cracks you up" and somehow I made an association with something someone said and for research reasons I typed in the name of Peter Parkhill into the forum search engine. Lo and behold the search came up with this absolutely wonderful thread which does refer to Peter but is so much more interesting for its main theme: Cap'n Schooner.

Well there you have all the theories and the disparagements from remote readers as well as local Oz identities. Guest Messmate, your annotations are 'out of soight' and certainly give you the street cred for an understanding of the times, events and politics around certain quaters of the melbourne folkscene of the time. I was there too and know whereof you speak.

I should have said at the outset that I know exactly who wrote this odius ode but have no intention of outing that person until they choose to do it themselves. Let me say quite categorically to Jack Halyard that Peter Parkhill had no role in the composition of the Cap'n Schooner Bollard and that I dont recall you at Traynors in the late 60's either.

I was amazed to see that it had travelled from sunny melbourne all the way to South Carolina. I guess the folk process is still alive and well. I can confirm that because I retrieved my electronic copy of the Bollard from a corner of my hardrive where I've had it stored for a good number of years and compared it with the one posted here. The versions differ in many small ways. I'm not sure why but suspect that there were later revisions by the author. I can confirm that and will certainly pass on the contents of this thread and possible further comment.

Now the World Cup has started so I'll make one last point here. The folk scene locally and more than likely in most other places has been very cliquey. This was certainly true in the period covered by the Bollard of this discourse. What that meant in practice was that if you were part of the "in group" you got the gigs at the clubs and the local acclaim. If you werent part of that group regardless of how good you were (comparatively speaking that is) you were always more of an afterthought or a support booking and not the main booking... if you get the drift.

Now we know that thats all really petty and trivial but more than one talented person got hurt in a very personal way by the way the cognoscenti folk clique operated (and I'm certainly not going to revisit history in that respect). The author was one of those who was not seen to be part of the "core" folk scene despite the fact that that person had made their own documented contribution to the local folk scene over a number of years. It was particularly hurtful because people would say one thing publicly and face to face but quite another behind the scenes (and I'm certainly not going to revisit history in that respect either).

One final observation that I'd like to make for those who are "outraged" on Cap'n Dan's behalf, is that the Melb folk scene wasnt comprised of one group despite appearances or pretensions to the contrary. It was comprised of many groups of people who also felt that they were part of the whole and felt they contributed in various ways and also had a sense of ownership of the "scene" in those times.

In that context, the Ballad simply takes the piss at some of the more obvious targets of the times. Nothing more and nothng less. For better or worse not every one who went thru those times shared the same warm and fuzzy view of some of the ballads subject matter and the ballad simply expresses another perspective on times past.

Parody has a valid role in the folk tradition and as we all know, a bun is the lowest form of wheat!

Cheers,

Andrez

PS Oz is on goal down aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Bollard of Cap'n Schooner
From: Andrez
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 06:03 PM

Just for the record, the Socceroos came through in the World Cup after all. Go OZ!