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Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift...

Shanghaiceltic 29 Jan 05 - 08:46 PM
wysiwyg 29 Jan 05 - 08:53 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 05 - 10:20 PM
LadyJean 29 Jan 05 - 10:26 PM
Sorcha 29 Jan 05 - 11:03 PM
GUEST,. 29 Jan 05 - 11:38 PM
Pauline L 30 Jan 05 - 12:23 AM
Dave Hanson 30 Jan 05 - 03:10 AM
AllisonA(Animaterra) 30 Jan 05 - 06:53 AM
Charley Noble 30 Jan 05 - 10:07 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jan 05 - 11:41 AM
Rapparee 30 Jan 05 - 12:13 PM
Charley Noble 30 Jan 05 - 04:30 PM
GUEST 30 Jan 05 - 04:38 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 05 - 04:48 PM
Charley Noble 30 Jan 05 - 07:33 PM
wysiwyg 30 Jan 05 - 11:29 PM
wysiwyg 30 Jan 05 - 11:30 PM
Peace 30 Jan 05 - 11:41 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 05 - 11:57 PM
Peace 31 Jan 05 - 12:13 AM
Joe Offer 31 Jan 05 - 01:59 AM
Charley Noble 31 Jan 05 - 09:50 AM
Scabby Douglas 31 Jan 05 - 10:28 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Jan 05 - 10:37 AM
Blackcatter 31 Jan 05 - 10:40 AM
Sandy Mc Lean 31 Jan 05 - 10:48 AM
Sandy Mc Lean 31 Jan 05 - 10:53 AM
Charley Noble 31 Jan 05 - 11:43 AM
Dharmabum 31 Jan 05 - 12:42 PM
MaineDog 31 Jan 05 - 01:13 PM
Charley Noble 31 Jan 05 - 01:31 PM
Dharmabum 31 Jan 05 - 02:00 PM
Swave N. Deboner 31 Jan 05 - 02:28 PM
just john 31 Jan 05 - 02:33 PM
Charley Noble 31 Jan 05 - 03:40 PM
Shanghaiceltic 31 Jan 05 - 07:17 PM
Swave N. Deboner 31 Jan 05 - 11:52 PM
Charley Noble 01 Feb 05 - 08:32 AM
Charley Noble 01 Feb 05 - 02:53 PM
Charley Noble 01 Feb 05 - 02:55 PM
Charley Noble 01 Feb 05 - 09:23 PM
GUEST 02 Feb 05 - 05:48 AM
GUEST,Roger the Skiffler via the back door 02 Feb 05 - 09:53 AM
GUEST,Charley Noble 02 Feb 05 - 11:26 AM
Charley Noble 03 Feb 05 - 08:38 AM
Wolfgang 03 Feb 05 - 11:24 AM
Charley Noble 03 Feb 05 - 07:28 PM
Wrinkles 03 Feb 05 - 08:02 PM
Charley Noble 03 Feb 05 - 08:35 PM
Wrinkles 03 Feb 05 - 08:44 PM
Swave N. Deboner 03 Feb 05 - 11:43 PM
The Fooles Troupe 04 Feb 05 - 03:44 AM
Charley Noble 04 Feb 05 - 08:30 AM
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Subject: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 29 Jan 05 - 08:46 PM

Now I have an excuse for buying all that beer, all I need now is some snow....

Man peed way out of avalanche

A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it.

Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains.

He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out.

But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through.

He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported.

He said: "I was scooping the snow from above me and packing it down below the window, and then I peed on it to melt it. It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt. But I'm glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there."

Parts of Europe have this week been hit by the heaviest snowfalls since 1941, with some places registering more than ten feet of snow in 24 hours.

    Charley Noble asked that this thread be moved to the top and labeled "song challenge." So it is, and so it shall be.
    I think that Frank Zappa wrote the ultimate yellow snow song, and any other attempts are irreverent and disrepectful.
    -Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Jan 05 - 08:53 PM

Dang-- that means Kat's cured, then!

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 05 - 10:20 PM

"I'm buried in an avalanche...ah, piss on it!"


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: LadyJean
Date: 29 Jan 05 - 10:26 PM

An excellent excuse to carry a six pack of beer in your back seat.

Cecil Adams of "The Straight Dope" was asked if it was true that Eskimoes had several different words for snow. And how would an Eskimo say "Look at all the f--ckin snow." Adams replied with a list of words, and a phrase that translates as "Behold the snow, it fornicates!"
As I look out my window, and wonder where all that snow came from, as if we alread didn't have enough. I think, "Behold the snow. It fornicates!"


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Sorcha
Date: 29 Jan 05 - 11:03 PM

LOL! But, wouldn't possibly just pouring the beer on the snow have had the same result? Not near as much fun tho!


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: GUEST,.
Date: 29 Jan 05 - 11:38 PM

No - Sorcha - beer in the bottle in the car - equals 66 degrees farenheit.....beer - as piss - is 50% warmer....98.8




Nope the LaughKats ignorance of regular, scheduled body maintenance placed her .... in her current..... lamentable predicament. (Homegrown Tomatoes 18 months ago could have saved her)


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Pauline L
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 12:23 AM

A small technical point: Beer in urine at body temp is not 50% warmer than beer in a bottle (and it was probably below 66 degrees F) because of the way the temperature scale is constructed.

I'm glad the Slovak man was so clever. Sometimes we Americans think that only Yankees can be so ingenious.

Please tell me more about 10 feet of snow falling in 24 hours in parts of Europe. Is this really true?


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 03:10 AM

And always remember, don't eat yellow snow.

eric


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 06:53 AM

This seemed improbable but too good not to be true, so I searched for a news source and found it here.

Don't know much about Ananova, but at least it's news!

Allison


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Charley Noble
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 10:07 AM

We should send this story on to Dave Barry. Maybe it will inspire him to come out of retirement.

At the very least it should inspire a commemorative ballad:

As the shades of night drew near,
Richard Kral lay sick with fear,
Buried by an avalanche,
Would he ever get the chance,
To see his friends and family all so dear!

Next!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 11:41 AM

Well, I've never pissed my way out of a snowy situation, but I've damned sure snowed my way out of a few pissy situations.


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 12:13 PM

Lemme think this out. It might revolutionize winter sports in the backcountry 'round here.

I get caught in a a snowslide and there I am, laying there under all this snow. So I reach for the nipple of my trusty hydration pack, which is full of beer.

A bit later, Nature does what Nature does and I unzip and let 'er rip.
If I'm facing towards the sky (even though I can't see it), eventually a yellowish geyser erupts and Search and Rescue comes to my aid. If nothing else I open a breathing hole and mark my location with a yellow stalagmite.

If I'm facing the other way I create a whole new hole through which I might eventually crawl to safety.


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Charley Noble
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 04:30 PM

And I thought you guys could come up with some verses! I'm disappointed.

Maybe I'll ask Joe to move this up where the professional songsters will see it.

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 04:38 PM

His family sat weeping
Where oh where could Richard be?
Little did they know
He was being clever with his pee.


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 04:48 PM

No, he didn't write his name
With his warm and copious pee --
Ol' Richard was mictruating
A-Pissin' to be free.


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Charley Noble
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 07:33 PM

Ah, that felt better!

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 11:29 PM

Piss-poor going so far on the Song Challenge!

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 11:30 PM

"Why don't you pee me a river, pee me a river, then you can row back to me!"

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Peace
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 11:41 PM

"if it was true that Eskimoes had several different words for snow."


http://home.egge.net/~savory/snow.htm


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 11:57 PM

Shucks, we've got several words for snow and suchlike stuff in English:

Hail, slush, powder, ice, rime, bergs, moguls, bergy bits, sleet, and freezing rain are ten that come immediately to mind.

I was gonna respond to that old myth, Brucie, but you beat me to it.

Oh, yeah -- we got the same last line in English.


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Subject: RE: BS: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Peace
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 12:13 AM

LOL. I bet we do, Rapaire. However, it would be a neat thread idea to see the words and relatively clean expressions various people from around the world use.


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Subject: ADDPOP: Don't Eat the Yellow Snow
From: Joe Offer
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 01:59 AM

Well, I suppose it doesn't meet the song challenge, but this song has never, ever been posted at Mudcat, as far as I can determine. It makes me wonder, though, if the St. Bernard dogs would drink the brandy in the keg and then pee it on the avalanche victims...
Don't go there, Joe.
-Joe Offer-

DON'T EAT THE YELLOW SNOW
(Frank Zappa, of blessed memory)

Dreamed I was an eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots and around my toes
The frost that bit the ground below
It was a hundred degrees below zero...

And my mama cried
And my mama cried
Nanook, a-no-no
Nanook, a-no-no
Don't be a naughty eskimo
Save your money, don't go to the show

Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh
Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh
Well I turned around and I said ho, ho
And the northern lights commenced to glow
And she said, with a tear in her eye
Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow
Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Charley Noble
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 09:50 AM

Thanks ever so much, dear Joe, for elevating this thread so more creative folks could catch its drift.

Here are some more raw verses just to keep this thread dribbling along:

Karl was in a pickle,
No way he could dig out;
His Audi buried in the snow,
He'd freeze without a doubt.

He cracked open a bottle of beer,
Mulled o'er his sorry plight;
And as his bladder began to fill,
'Twas then he saw the light!

Sixty bottles were in his Audi,
To a party he'd been bound;
Why he'd piss his way back to the top
As he swigged the beer on down!

Bet there is a moral to this song.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble, who has to go!


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:28 AM

My name's Richard Kral, and a Slovak am I,
When the av'lanche came down, I was sure I would die
The snow's all around and my car is stuck here
I'm sad and forlorn, so crack open a beer

Well, I've drunk up that bottle, and another one too,
I could be here for weeks, till the snowploughs come through
Will I die from the hunger, or will cold get me first?
At least with this beer here, it won't be from thirst.

And now there is shomething that'sh bothering me
My bladder is bushting, but theresh nowhere to pee!
I'll jusht open the window, and let it run freeeee
Oooooooh that'sh sho mush better, let you tell meee!

I made a dixshcovery, while takin' a leak (Shhhh! Ish a shecret!)
I meltededed the shnow, in a big yellow shtreak (wink)
O shing Hallejaloola, in great jubilation,
These brewsh are the key to me shelf-libria.. Shelf-lireba...Self.....
.. freedom.


The beer ish aaaaaaaaaall gone, now!!!, At lasht , I yam Freeeeeee! (hic)
And aall that it took, wash 10 gallons of pee!
I'm head's sore, I'm drunk, an my names' Richard Kral.
Now I have to lie down.. Or elshe I shall fall...


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:37 AM

Well, if Joe Offer can post the lyrics to "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow", I can post the lyrics to that song's continuation, also known as...

Nanook Rubs it In

(well, right about that time people
A fur-trapper (who was strictly from commercial)
Had the unmitigated audacity to jump up from behind my igloo (peekaboo) )
And he started into whippin' on my favorite baby seal
With a lead-filled snowshoe)

I said, with a
Lead-
Filled
With a lead filled snowshoe
He said, peekaboo
I said, with a
Lead-
Filled
With a lead filled snowshoe
He said, peekaboo
He went right upside the head of my favorite baby seal
He went whap with a lead-filled snowshoe, and
He hit him on the nose and hit him on the fin, and he
That got me just about as evil as an eskimo boy can be. so I bent down
And I reached down, and I scooped down and I gathered up a generous
Mitten-ful of the deadly yellow snow

The deadly yellow snow, from right there where the huskies go!

Whereupon I proceeded to take that mittenful of the deadly yellow snow
Crystals and rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous
Circular motion hitherto unknown to the people of this area, but destined
To take the place of the mudshark in your mythology
Here it goes,the circular motion, now rub it!

(here fido)

And then
In a fit of anger
I pounced

And I pounced again

Great googly moogly!

I jumped up and down on the chest of the him

I injured
The fur trapper

Well he was very upset, as you can understand
And rightly so, because the
Deadly yellow snow crystals had
Deprived him of his
Sight

And he stood up, and he looked around, and he said

I can't see
I can't see
Oh, woe is me
I can't see

Well.....you know
I can't see
Nothin'

He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my other eye
And the husky wee-wee
I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blinded me
And I can't see
Temporarily

Well, the fur-trapper stood there, with his arms outstretched across the
Frozen white wasteland, trying to figure out what he was going to do about
His deflicted eyes. And it was at that precise moment that he remembered
An ancient eskimo legend, wherein it is written (on whatever it is that
They write it on up there) that if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As the result of some sort of conflict with anyone named
Nanook,
The only way you can get it fixed up is to go

Trudging across the tundra
Mile after mile
Trudging across the tundra

Right down to the parish of st. alphonzo

......................................................

But that's another song. And I apologize for the lousy capitalization etc. in that transcription, but I just copied and pasted the thing and it ain't a folk song so I'm not gonna spend a lotta time fixin' some other fool's mess.


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Blackcatter
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:40 AM

Ha Ha Ha!

Wunnerful, wunnerful!


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:48 AM

This song that I wrote a few years back is not exactly on theme but is related.
          Sandy

                        
          SNOWBANK BLUES



NOW DUNCAN GILLIS IS HIS NAME AND HE HAS A TALE TO TELL
HE WISHES EVERY SNOWBANK HERE WOULD GO STRAIGHT DOWN TO HELL
AND PERHAPS DOWN THERE THEY'D MELT AWAY
'CAUSE THE DAMN THINGS WON'T MELT HERE
HE'S GOT THOSE WINTER SNOWBANK BLUES
AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR

NOW DUNCAN HAS A FORD TRUCK THAT HE HASN'T SEEN IN MONTHS
IT'S BURIED UNDER ALL THAT SNOW AND HE'S GIVEN UP THE HUNT
HE'S SAVING GAS JUST SITTING HOME
AND WE THINK HE'S DISAPPEARED
BUT IT'S JUST THOSE WINTER SNOWBANK BLUES
AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR

NOW DUNCAN SAID UNTO HIS WIFE ONE SUNNY WINTER DAY
"I THINK THE DRIVEWAY I WILL CLEAR SO WE CAN GET AWAY
FROM DAWN 'TIL DARK HE SHOVELED SNOW
THEN EXHAUSTED HE LAY DOWN
WHEN HE WOKE UP THERE WAS ANOTHER
THREE FEET ON THE GROUND

NOW DUNCAN CALLED ME ON THE PHONE TO TELL THIS MORBID TALE
"THE ONLY THING CAN SAVE ME IS TWO DOZEN OF KEITH'S ALE"
I HAD TO CALL THE ARMY OUT
TO BRING TO HIM THE BEER
ALL BECAUSE OF SNOWBANK BLUES
AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR

NOW DUNCAN IS MY BEST FRIEND AND I HOPE HE DOESN'T MIND
MY TELLING HIS SAD STORY HERE BY PUTTING IT TO RHYME
NOW SPRING HAS COME AND DUNCAN'S OUT
SO JOIN ME IN A CHEER
AS WE CAST ASIDE THE SNOWBANK BLUES
AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR

(C) 2001
   A.McLean

   a.mclean@ns.sympatico.ca


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:53 AM

Sorry about all the upper case but it was a paste from my songsheet file. My short vision is not too good I do them in script that is easy to read.
    Sandy


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Charley Noble
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:43 AM

Scabby-

Your contribution surely rises to the top as a serious contender.

See what can happen when people apply themselves!

There are strange things true, I'm telling you...

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Dharmabum
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 12:42 PM

THE FATE OF DICKIE KRAL

My name is Dickie Kral,
& I'll tell you of my tale,
Of how my life near ended,
If not for drinking ale.

I'd set out on a journey,
T'was to be a holiday,
With a grand cache' of liquor,
I was well upon my way.

I was tooling down the highway,
Leaving all my cares behind,
When all at once the world shook,
& I found myself snowblind.

I gathered all my senses,
& Attempted to dig out,
But the snow was insurmountable,
I was a "goner"with no doubt.

"I guess I'm gonna die" I thought,
As calm replaced my fear,
"I suppose it's just my time to go",
Then I spotted all that beer.

"Well,if my fate's so written",
"And I can't reverse the flow",
"I'll not fight & struggle",
"But shitfaced I will go".

So I commenced imbibing,
As I surrendered to my fate,
But soon my fate was detoured,
As I had to urinate.

As I stood there contemplating,
It didn't take me long,
To see the key to my salvation,
Was in my fridgid schlong.

So I pee'd & drank, & drank & pee'd,
& A foot or two I'd go,
& I made my way to freedom,
By writing my name in the snow.

Now they say you shouldn't drink & drive,
Or a heavy fine you'll pay,
But it was Boozin'in my car,
That saved my life that day.

   D.B.


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: MaineDog
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 01:13 PM

Well I have heard tell of brewers' statistics that say they the Slovaks drink more beer per capita than anyone else, is that because they have more avalanches to deal with?


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Charley Noble
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 01:31 PM

Bravo, DB!

What a fine "schlong"!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Dharmabum
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 02:00 PM

Wow! That's the first time I've ever gotten THAT compliment! LOL!

Thanks...........I think.


            D.B.


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Swave N. Deboner
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 02:28 PM

Charley, I opened this thread at around 7:00 this morning and started right out putting together my contribution. I had to put it on the back burner though (I'm at work). When I came back to it, I read your great contribution. Just want you to know, my use of the phrase, "...in a right pickle" is an honest coincidence and not any attempt to steal your words.   

Borrowed tune: She'll Be Comin' 'Round The Mountain

I'm a Slovak by the name of Richard Krahl,
And on me this high adventure did befall,
Well, I'm lucky that I'm here,
And I owe my life to beer,
Now here's my tale, as best I can recall.   

I was drivin' 'round the mountain in my car,
I was drivin' 'round the mountain in my car,
In my Audi I was going,
And Lord, how it was snowing!
I was drivin' 'round the mountain in my car.

I got buried in an avalanche of snow
I got buried in an avalanche of snow
When I realized what hit me,
I knew no one'd come to git me,
'Cause my whereabouts nobody'd ever know.

Well, I sat there all alarmed and filled with fear,
And I thought, "You're in a real pickle here!"
Then I rolled down the window,
Tried to use my hands to scoop snow,
Which was futile, so I quit and had a beer.

I had with me sixty bottles of that brew,
And as I sat and pondered what to do,
I drank one, and then another,
And then I thought, "Oh bother!
When I need a pee, what am I going to do?!"

Then a plan began to take shape in my brain,
The more I drink, the more I'll need to drain,
I recalled, once in a blizzard,
When I had to "drain the lizard",
Where I peed, it left a melted, yellow stain.

So, I set about in earnest to get free,
I drank and drank until I had to pee,
When I pissed, the snow would melt,
And even though it smelt,
I kept going out of sheer necessity.

Just as my beer supply was running low,
I had pissed my way through 15 feet of snow,
Stumbling legless down the pass,
I kept on falling on my ass,
Then a rescue team conveyed me down below.


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: just john
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 02:33 PM

(Could somebody work in the phrase "bladder day saint" into their entry on this topic?)


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Charley Noble
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 03:40 PM

Swave-

Noble work and I note that you employed the initial song structure. Extra points for you! And more points for:

I recalled, once in a blizzard,
When I had to "drain the lizard"...

just john-

So bad!

Note, so far no one has set the location, the lonely but lovely Slovak Tatra mountains.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 07:17 PM

LOLROTF!


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Swave N. Deboner
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:52 PM

Shanghaiceltic,

Thanks for starting this thread. This is the kind of dire straits I wouldn't mind being in. Imagine having such a good excuse to get shitfaced.

Charley,

Thanks for the kind words. Means a lot coming from you, a "Catter" of your good standing. So, here's the song again, with some changes and an added verse to mention the mountains.

And, for Just John,

I added another verse to work in "Bladder Day Saint." Thanks for the idea.   

Borrowed tune: She'll Be Comin' 'Round The Mountain

I'm a Slovak by the name of Richard Kral,
And on me this high adventure did befall,
Well, I'm lucky that I'm here,
And I owe my life to beer,
Now here's my tale, as best I can recall.   

In the Slovak Tatra Mountains this occurred.
Now, I realize my story sounds absurd.
It sounds far-fetched to me, too,
But I swear to you it's true.
It's the damndest tale that you have ever heard.

I was drivin' 'round the mountain in my car,
I was drivin' 'round the mountain in my car,
In my Audi I was going,
And Lord, how it was snowing!
I was drivin' 'round the mountain in my car.

I got buried in an avalanche of snow!
There was tons of it on top, with me below.
When I realized what hit me,
I knew no one'd come to git me,
'Cause my whereabouts nobody'd ever know.

Well, I sat there all alarmed and filled with fear,
And I thought, "You're in a real pickle here!"
Then I rolled down the window,
Tried to use my hands to scoop snow,
Which was futile, so I quit and had a beer.

I had with me sixty bottles of that brew,
As I sat and contemplated what to do,
I drank one, and then another,
And then I thought, "Oh bother!
When I need a pee, what am I going to do?!"

Then a plan began to take shape in my brain,
The more I drink, the more I'll need to drain,
I recalled, once in a blizzard,
When I had to "drain the lizard",
Where I peed, it left a melted, yellow stain.

So, I set about in earnest to get free,
I drank and drank until I had to pee,
When I pissed, the snow would melt,
And even though it smelt,
I kept going out of sheer necessity.

Just as my beer supply was running low,
I had pissed my way through 15 feet of snow,
Stumbling legless down the pass,
I kept on falling on my ass,
Then a rescue team conveyed me down below.

My poor kidneys hurt from making so much pee,
And my liver? Well, we'll have to wait and see.
Though a pious man I ain't,
I'm now the "Bladder Day Saint",
For my feat has made me a celebrity.

SND


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 08:32 AM

Swave-

Even better!

Say, Joe, ain't you proud that you agreed to levitate this thread from the BS realm?

I was thinking that earning the title of "Bladder Day Saint" might have happened after Kral subsequently joined the avalanche emergency response team. Just a thought.

So are we ready to wire the results to Dave Barry? Maybe we should wait another week for further refinements, or further developments in the news story, whichever come first.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 02:53 PM

Swave-

Here's an alternative last verse, which I hope you'll accept in the spirit that it's offered:

So now I've joined the mountain rescue team,
It's the kind of job that seems so like a dream;
Though a pious man I ain't,
I'm now called the "Bladder Day Saint",
And when someone's buried I piss a yellow stream.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 02:55 PM

Oh, I forgot. The title of this ballad has to be:

















THE URINATION OF RICHARD KRAL

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 09:23 PM

Oh, I was checking the Urban Legend Website to see if they had verified this story yet and I'm sorry to say that they've been unable to as of yet. Their comment so far:

"Origins: The story about a Slovak man who was buried inside his car by an avalanche, and supposedly freed himself by drinking beer and urinating on the snow to melt it, was carried by a number of western news services in January 2005. The story has so far proved difficult to verify because its attributions have been vague (e.g., "correspondents in Bratislava"), and it evidently originated in a part of the world (the Slovak Republic) where information sources are more difficult to track down (particularly because the language is unfamiliar to most westerners)."

Not that we should let mere facts slow us down!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 05:48 AM

In other words, never let the truth get in the way of a good story...


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: GUEST,Roger the Skiffler via the back door
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 09:53 AM

How many quarts does a man have to drink
Before he can Pee SOS?
How many bottles of Bud does it take
Before he can piss the excess?

The answer my friend is peeing in the snow
The answer is peeing in the snow

How long can he stand to expose "it" to frost
In order to spell out the words?
Will "it" get frostbite and be ever lost
Before rescuers see the sign?

The answer my friend is peeing in the snow
The answer is peeing in the snow

RtS
(Bob who?)


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: GUEST,Charley Noble
Date: 02 Feb 05 - 11:26 AM

Thanks for breaking in the back door and posting this valuable contribution.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Charley Noble
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:38 AM

Refreshed for further contributions, revisions, or disclaimers.

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Wolfgang
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:24 AM

What I miss in the press reports is the information whether his wife did buy the story explaining his long absence.

Wolfgang


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Charley Noble
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 07:28 PM

Hmmmm. A verse with regard to his wife anyone?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Wrinkles
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:02 PM

sorry folks, the whole story's a myth; never happened;

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=78037&messages=3

Wrinkles


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Charley Noble
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:35 PM

Oh, piss! We'll have to delete all these fine songs. We were just warming up!

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Wrinkles
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:44 PM

Since when Charley was the story in a folk song obligiged to be factual? ;-)

Wrinkles


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: Swave N. Deboner
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:43 PM

Charley,

This is my first opportunity to get back to the Cat for a couple days. That's a better finish than I could come up with, ya clever old so and so. I'll defer to a seasoned veteran every time. Thanks.

I can't believe there were actually people who bought the story to begin with. It was a fun theme that got some good responses. That's all that matters. I hope to see some more song challenges soon, myth or fact, truth or legend.

Cheers

SND


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift......
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 03:44 AM

If we had to stick to facts we never would have had the story of Charlie on the MTA...


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Subject: RE: Song challenge: If caught in a snow drift.....
From: Charley Noble
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 08:30 AM

Well, maybe we should send an edited version of this to Dave Barry anyway. Does anyone else have any alternative media contacts? There's glory enough for all!

And thanks, SND, for your complimentary words. However, you did the lion's share of that gripping ballad. Kral would have been so proud!

And his loving wife?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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