BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address

Subject: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 01:18 AM

It will bring tears to your eyes.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 01:28 AM

This onion has suffered freeze damage. If you are a Canadian guy, and prone to peeing outside in below-zero temperatures, THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU.

http://www.coopext.colostate.edu/TRA/PLANTS/images/onion1.jpg

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 01:29 AM

OK, screw ya then if no one's gonna post.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 01:29 AM

This is a music site, anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Sooz
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 02:50 AM

Lets hear it for onions!

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: MBSLynne
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 02:53 AM

I no understand what you say...I am an allium...

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Teresa
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 02:59 AM

Oh, I would've posted earlier, but I was not in the same room with the posting apparatus.

I'm sure glad you said something about the state of the onion, because that phrase was going through my head for days, but I didn't have the intestinal fortitude to exorcise it. ;)

I know spatulas have something to do with the state of the onion, and their link is at least indirectly related, but it's too complicated for me to get into now. Simply mentioning knives just wouldn't cut it.

Teresa

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 03:20 AM

http://www.photoforum.ru/photos/p200501/162673.jpg

Beautiful touched-up photograph--looks much like a painting--of onions. Work of art.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Davetnova
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 03:20 AM

What's th onion's address. Is she single. We could help her clear it up.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 03:21 AM

Either that or it IS a photo of a painting.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 07:15 AM

*sings*

"There is power in an Onion..."

and

"Today we may prosper, today we live free
But if it weren't for the Onion, where would we be?
It's the Onion, the Onion that defends our rights
But the Onion's as strong as our will is to fight
For the Onion is you and the Onion is me
So stand up and stand by your Onion"

(with apologies to Peter Hicks and "if it weren't for the Union"

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Layah
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 08:34 AM

Down with onions! Spawn of the devil!

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: MBSLynne
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 08:38 AM

Ooooh what is it?? I clicked on the clicky and got a page which said:
FORBIDDEN
You don't have permission to access photo----- on this server.

Why don't I? Is it rude? What's happening? Anything forbidden immediately makes me want to do it!

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: GUEST,ragdall
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 08:40 AM

"I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch,
an onion patch, an onion patch

I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch
and all I do is cry all day

Boo hoo, boo hoo

The air ís so strong it takes my breath away

I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch,
oh won't you come and play with me?"

rags

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 09:16 AM

There once was an onion maid
And she never was afraid
Of fries and sauce and various dips
And spatulas that came for flips....

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 09:51 AM

Just think what havoc David could have wreaked if he'd used onions instead of stones. Legions of Philistines sitting around sniveling, and Goliath singing "Cry Me a River".

gonna be interesting, now that brucie's learned to do clickies
and find images, hmmmm? I thought I had that market cornered *grin*

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 10:12 AM

Well, down 'ere in Bubbaland we calls 'em thangs "ernyuns". Jus' lack we calls 'em thangs thet grows down Orlando-ways "ernges". An 'em thangs thet grows in th' bay is "erstyers".

Now ya'll er probly wunnerin' whut th' connexun 'tween ernyuns, ernges an' erstyers is other than thet we cain't say none of 'em right. Well, there ain't none. This is a stoopid pointless thred so's I figgered it cud use a stoopid pointless post er two.

To paraphrase Willy th' Shake:

Out, out, damned idjit! Bee-dubya's but a fuckin' moron, a pore dumbass thet posts stoopid shit by th' hour upon th' stage of th' Mudcat an' then will probly post even more: his are posts made by a idjit, full of spatulas an' other stoopid shit, signifying nothing.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 10:24 AM

This shot makes me feel like a voyeure. Talk about yer Golden Globes!


WOW!

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 11:06 AM

my daddy heard 'em called "ingerns" when he was working in the south..(well, Texas & Oklahoma and Louisana 'south'....) I 'specks that some mis-pernunciashuns are cultivated in order to distinguish 'them' from 'us' and establish firmly that WE ain't puttin on airs.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 11:13 AM

This thread is very a"peel"ing to me. So much, I can feel the tears wellin up from deep within.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 11:16 AM

Layer upon layer...shouldn't this be in MOAB?

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 11:32 AM

No, Rap, this thread doesn't measure up th MOAB's BS quality standards. It would never get by the quality control guys unless they were asleep at the switches. But, the again, they've been known to take a nap or two...

Ya know, come to think of it, what are we payin' those guys for?

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 12:21 PM

Bruce:

Until you have actually been to a Temple ceremony and learned what the transcendental meditative contemplation of ACTUAL divinity is like, you should not pass judgment or make heretical comparisons. Golden Globes indeed!! Those, sir, are VEGETABLES!!

Fr. Tacitus Delicatus
Point-man
Temple of the Golden Globes

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 02:59 PM

http://www.angelfire.com/md2/customviolins/bushword.jpg

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 03:07 PM

From watching westerns, I can tell you that the cry of "Ingerns" is usually followed by the bloke beside you getting hit by an arrow.

As to the pic: Keerist that's gotta hurt.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Raedwulf
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 04:57 PM

Brucie,

There are times when I worry about you...

(slightly)

And times like this...

When I don't!

(At all!)

Regards

R

P.S. You're nucking futs. Have you never faced the power of the leek?! Onions? Pah! They ain't in it... :p

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 07:21 PM

The sucker being held is five pounds.

Leeks? Leeks? Check THIS!

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 07:33 PM

Face it man. If she had one like that in her other hand she'd have King Kong right where she wants him.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 08:13 PM

Sure, it's a big onion, but there's a trick often used when taking photos of big fruits and veggies. Use a small human model so it looks even bigger. It's always a child or a petite woman, never Shaquille Oneil (or however the hell he spells his name).

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: open mike
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 08:28 PM

i do not recommend peeing while prone...
or taking a leek, for that matter.
except, perhaps, to extricate yourself
from an avalanche.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Jeri
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 09:06 PM

I had a friend who loathed onions. Personally, I love them, but for him:

LET ONIONS BE

Come on friends, and let's all shun them
I speak of the slippery onion
May I see not even one then,
While we are together

Cho: Let onions be not in our food
Let all our food be onion-free
I hope you all will heed my plea
While we are together

Fa cannae no nasty ally-ally-ummy (X3)
While we are together

(Yeah, I know - it stinks.)

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Layah
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 09:19 PM

My friend once told me a riddle "what's greater than God, more evil than the devil, The poor have it, the rich don't need it" There may have been one more line on it, I don't remember. My immediate thought was onions! Obviously more evil than the devil, the poor have it because I heard stories about the depression when my grandma would have an onion sandwich. Just a peice of bread with an onion on it. And obviously the rich don't want onions because they're rich enough to afford better things. The only problem is I'm not really sure if onions are greater than God, but I figured 3 out of 4 was close enough.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Feb 05 - 09:27 PM

Famous Yiddish curse

"You're like an onion with your head stuck in the dirt and your feet in the air."

Brucie is not in here...http://www.angelfire.com/md2/customviolins/mudcat.jpg

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: GUEST,Sidewinder
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 02:38 AM

As the late great Marvin Gaye sang "The World is just a great big onion" -boy was he wrong on that one.

Regards.

Sidewinder.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 02:42 AM

Don that is SO cool. Love it. Saw it on the other thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: fat B****rd
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 04:03 AM

Brucie, me old luv, ya won't get me I'm part of the onion.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 04:24 AM

So, like, if you do that kinda talkin' music, would that make you a rap-scallion?

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 05:33 AM

You Gotta Go Down and Peel the Onion

You've gotta go down and peel the onion.
You've gotta peel it for yourself.
There ain't nobody gonna peel it for you,
You've gotta go down and peel the onion for yourself!...

(apols to woody guthrie)

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 05:45 AM

Friends, Brucie, mudcatters, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Onions, not to praise them.
The onions in mens mouths do live after them;
The aroma is oft emitted with their bones;
So let it be with Onions. The noble Brucie
Hath told you Onions are delicious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath the onion answer'd it.
Here, under leave of Brucie will digest-
For Brucie is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men -
Come I to speak at the Onion's baking.
it was my lunch, bitter and sharp to me:
But Brucie says he was delicious;
And Brucie is an honourable man.
He hath brought many mudcatters in to roam
Whose rantings did the cyber coffers fill:
Did this poor Onion seem delicious?
When that the poor have cried, Onions hath wept:
Digestion should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Brucie says he was delicious;
And Brucie is an honourable man.
I speak not to disprove what Brucie spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love onions once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for them?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the baking dish there with onions,
And I must pause till it come back to me...

Mark and Tony (burp)

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 09:39 AM

"Is this an onion which I see before me, the stinky smell upon my hand?"

"Out, damned obnoxious odor! Out, I say!"

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Azizi
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 03:59 PM

freda,

Your post 09 Feb 05 - 05:45 AM is hilarious. I wish that I had your wit and your way with words..

But, uhmm, here's a question for you..in the lines that you repeat:

"But Brucie says he was delicious;
And Brucie is an honourable man"


Is the onion delicious or is Brucie delicious?

I mean, I'm just asking for clarity's sake...


Azizi

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Layah
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 04:15 PM

"An onion by any other name would taste as bad"

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: beardedbruce
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 05:15 PM

Jeri,

"Let Onions Be" is already in the database-

I ought to know..

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 05:48 PM

What a piece of work is onion! How noble in seasoning! How infinite in recipes!   In form and figure how rotund and sliceable! In fragrance how unlike a rutabaga! In potato salad how like a god! The beauty of root crops, the paragon of vegetables!

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 05:53 PM

You never feel quite the same about onions after you've have a raw, peeled, half-sliced one shoved up your rectum...

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Layah
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 05:56 PM

You sound like a man who speaks from experience

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: beardedbruce
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 05:58 PM

Actually, LH has the description from BDiBR, who experienced it after attempting to write poetry...

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 06:56 PM

Nah, it was BDiBR all right, but it doesn't have anything to do with poetry. It has to do with his cellmate on the night they popped him and his brother Don for jacking the beer store. Over the next few years ol' Shane's gonna get opportunities to change his opinion about lotsa things after having them shoved up his rectum. A 6'5" guy named "Bubba" is probably one of them.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 07:16 PM

There may be something to what you say, Bee-Dub. Poor Shane!

But what brought it to my mind was recalling a scene from one of the early Star Trek shows. William Shatner had to portray Captain Kirk in the grip of a hideous alien torture that causes acute pain to the entire central nervous system. Now, Shatner is an old hand at this kind of thing, and has it down pat. He convulses, jerks his head back, flings his arms apart, spreading fingers spasmodically, opens his mouth wide, and makes his eyes bug out maniacally, whilst uttering inarticulate sounds. You can see this in a number of different episodes. On this occasion, though, big Bill wanted to take it totally over the top, and reach a new level of emoting horror. Leonard Nimoy suggested the onion technique and volunteered to make the insertion with a freshly cut onion. Shatner had had a few puffs of an illicit substance just before rehearsal, and wasn't thinking straight at the time. He went for it. The resulting performance was pretty mind-boggling, and it suggested a degree of pain that was truly Shakespearian in its horror and grandeur.

I'm really surprised he didn't get an Emmy for the scene. It has never been equalled.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: beardedbruce
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 07:20 PM

Perhaps the ONION should have gotten the Emmy...

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Teresa
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 07:31 PM

LH, which episode is that? :)

Teresa

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: GUEST,Rumanci
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 07:52 PM

Dear Brucie

Breaking news !!!

If you need another location for the global (who let the artichoke in ?) presentation of
The State Of The Onion I suggest you look no further than here and here.


For the moment ..................that's Shallot

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 12:35 AM

Impressive, Rumanci, very impressive. You have taken oniondom to heights I never envisioned when I started this thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 05:50 AM

hey, rumanci, they were delicious!

and azizi, thanks for your kind words. in answer to your question, from what i've read i think that brucie may be a tough, leathery old bite. but like many sinewy old goats, he may have a tender heart in there!

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: rumanci
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 10:56 AM

"You have taken oniondom to heights I never envisioned when I started this thread"

I have ??    Heights ?      

Dang !!

That'll be the start of the tiers then !

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 02:56 PM

I just heard on the local radio station that a truck just dumped a load of onion's on the local Interstate running through the middle of Dallas. Several cars were hitting them when they were bouncing off of the road.


Can we call these......

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
.....grilled onions?

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 03:11 PM

Ha! Sounds like a pretty smelly situation. Enough to drive a traffic cop to tears.

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Raedwulf
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 03:25 PM

Even older than Brucie, this one. Alright, just older than Brucie...

Ic eom wunderlicu wiht, wifum on hyhte,
neahbuendum nyt; nængum sceþþe
burgsittendra, nymþe bonan anum.
Staþol min is steapheah, stonde ic on bedde,

neoþan ruh nathwær. Neþeð hwilum
ful cyrtenu ceorles dohtor,
modwlonc meowle, þæt heo on mec gripeð,
ræseð mec on reodne, reafað min heafod,
fegeð mec on fæsten. Feleþ sona

mines gemotes, seo þe mec nearwað,
wif wundenlocc. Wæt bið þæt eage.

Or, if you prefer,

I'm the world's wonder, for I make women happy
--a boon to the neighborhood, a bane to no one,
though I may perhaps prick the one who picks me.
I am set well up, stand in a bed,
have a roughish root. Rarely (though it happens)
a churl's daughter more daring than the rest
--and lovelier! --lays hold of me,
and lays me in larder.
She learns soon enough,

the curly-haired creature who clamps me so,
of my meeting with her: moist is her eye!

Subject: RE: BS: Brucie's State of the Onion Address
From: Peace
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 04:58 PM

Where the heck did you find Old English? That is a predecessor to the Middle English riddles. Wow, I am impressed. Very cool.