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BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S

gnu 12 Feb 05 - 12:57 PM
Jeanie 12 Feb 05 - 02:48 PM
NH Dave 12 Feb 05 - 04:14 PM
Peace 12 Feb 05 - 04:24 PM
Peace 12 Feb 05 - 04:29 PM
Bert 12 Feb 05 - 04:50 PM
Teresa 12 Feb 05 - 05:38 PM
Peace 12 Feb 05 - 05:53 PM
frogprince 12 Feb 05 - 10:54 PM
Teresa 12 Feb 05 - 11:53 PM
The Fooles Troupe 13 Feb 05 - 02:34 AM
jonm 13 Feb 05 - 03:20 AM
Dave Hanson 13 Feb 05 - 04:34 AM
Sttaw Legend 13 Feb 05 - 04:43 AM
GUEST,ragdall 13 Feb 05 - 06:47 AM
GUEST,freda 13 Feb 05 - 07:23 AM
GUEST,Jeanie 13 Feb 05 - 07:44 AM
GUEST,freda 13 Feb 05 - 07:53 AM
GUEST,Jeanie 13 Feb 05 - 08:07 AM
GUEST 13 Feb 05 - 08:58 AM
gnu 13 Feb 05 - 11:50 AM
Bill D 13 Feb 05 - 11:47 PM
Peace 13 Feb 05 - 11:51 PM
GUEST,Mingulay at work 14 Feb 05 - 05:12 AM
gnu 14 Feb 05 - 06:48 AM
GUEST 14 Feb 05 - 08:04 AM
GUEST,Mingulay at work 14 Feb 05 - 11:15 AM
Fibula Mattock 14 Feb 05 - 12:31 PM
gnu 02 Mar 05 - 04:21 PM
Bill D 02 Mar 05 - 04:44 PM
gnu 02 Mar 05 - 05:06 PM
GUEST 02 Mar 05 - 05:29 PM
gnu 02 Mar 05 - 05:32 PM
jacqui.c 02 Mar 05 - 05:34 PM
Jim Dixon 02 Mar 05 - 08:26 PM
gnu 02 Mar 05 - 08:42 PM
gnu 03 Mar 05 - 07:23 AM
gnu 03 Mar 05 - 03:49 PM
GUEST,marks 03 Mar 05 - 04:37 PM
Nancy King 03 Mar 05 - 09:42 PM
ToulouseCruise 04 Mar 05 - 01:14 PM
JennyO 05 Mar 05 - 07:50 AM
Splott Man 07 Mar 05 - 08:40 AM
gnu 07 Mar 05 - 09:01 AM
Crystal 07 Mar 05 - 09:28 AM
HuwG 07 Mar 05 - 10:14 AM
Bill D 07 Mar 05 - 12:45 PM
GUEST,Nancy King at work 07 Mar 05 - 04:26 PM
wysiwyg 07 Mar 05 - 04:42 PM
gnu 07 Mar 05 - 05:06 PM
GUEST,Bainbo 07 Mar 05 - 05:35 PM
Jim Dixon 07 Mar 05 - 06:05 PM
Bill D 07 Mar 05 - 06:06 PM
gnu 07 Mar 05 - 06:23 PM
Bill D 07 Mar 05 - 07:55 PM
The Fooles Troupe 07 Mar 05 - 07:55 PM
Uncle_DaveO 07 Mar 05 - 08:44 PM
GUEST,Regular, but embarresed Catter 07 Mar 05 - 09:54 PM
Bill D 08 Mar 05 - 12:09 AM
The Fooles Troupe 08 Mar 05 - 04:14 AM
Uncle_DaveO 08 Mar 05 - 12:22 PM
Bill D 08 Mar 05 - 01:04 PM
The Fooles Troupe 08 Mar 05 - 07:23 PM
Jim Dixon 09 Mar 05 - 11:50 AM
GUEST,Bill D with cookies shut off 09 Mar 05 - 12:30 PM
wysiwyg 09 Mar 05 - 02:14 PM
Jim Dixon 09 Mar 05 - 02:34 PM
Bill D 09 Mar 05 - 04:15 PM
The Fooles Troupe 09 Mar 05 - 04:28 PM
gnu 10 Mar 05 - 02:07 PM
gnu 16 Mar 05 - 04:01 PM
gnu 15 Apr 05 - 03:32 PM
gnu 20 Jul 06 - 03:37 PM
Peace 20 Jul 06 - 04:42 PM
Bill D 20 Jul 06 - 05:14 PM
DMcG 20 Jul 06 - 05:35 PM
Bill D 20 Jul 06 - 05:57 PM
Uncle_DaveO 21 Jul 06 - 10:51 AM
Jim Dixon 21 Jul 06 - 11:32 AM
Bill D 21 Jul 06 - 11:41 AM
Jim Dixon 21 Jul 06 - 11:43 AM
gnu 21 Jul 06 - 01:47 PM
Bert 21 Jul 06 - 07:52 PM
Peace 21 Jul 06 - 07:54 PM
SINSULL 22 Jul 06 - 01:01 AM

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Subject: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 12:57 PM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'


My camp is located about ten kilometers past the last power/telephone pole. So, I put a doorbell button on it. You'd be amazed at how many people push it.

What hair I have left is as short as it can be cut without a razor. So, I keep a blow dryer and a couple of hair brushes on the washroom vanity. You'd be amazed at how many people laugh and then turn red when they come out of the washroom and see my serious, inquiring stare.

When I'm up country wearing my wide brimmed felt hat, I attach a long tuft of pine moss to the rear of the hat. You'd be amazed how many people try to pick it off as a favour, whilst I try to look to see what they're doing.

How's by you ?


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Jeanie
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 02:48 PM

Odd and wry par excellence, Gnu ! How about this one: Next Christmas, send cards to people you know, but sign them something like: "All the best from Connie, Malcolm and the boys" - Sit back and imagine your friends trying to work out who these people are, and worrying well into the New Year that they can't send a card in return. Better still, concoct a spoof version of one of those deadly "family news" circular letters to include in the cards as well: ludicrous but still just about believable (not difficult, because those letters are a naturally ludicrous mix of over-the-top boasting of (grand)-children's prowess and/or lurid medical detail). Have fun !

- jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: NH Dave
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 04:14 PM

A local person has one of those old all-in-one computers like the TRS-80/4 mounted above his rural mail box, with the caption, "E-Mail".

    Dave


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Peace
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 04:24 PM

Years ago after--actually during--a period of wassail, some of us thought it would be hillarious to send a telegram to a friend in Idaho. The telegram read, "Please ignore first telegram." He was a football player, 6'4" and very HUGE. Of course, we had sent no 'first' telegram. Months later we heard that he was looking for us. Seems he'd driven about fifty miles through a snowstorm looking for the first message and we understand he became quite insistent that there had to be one. So insistent in fact that the telegraph office people threatened to phone the police and have him removed from the premises. We phoned him to explain. Cost us five cases of beer to avoid hospitalization. Cheap at half the price, IMO. We remain good friends to this day. It's funny now; it wasn't then.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Peace
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 04:29 PM

Well, that's not quite right. It had us in stitches when we sent it, then it became very unfunny, then it became funny again. Next time I do something like that it won't be a telegram to a middle linebacker.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bert
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 04:50 PM

Ma-in-law's doorbell stopped working. There was some fault in the very old wiring hiddem in the wall somewhere. It wasn't worth fixing so we got a wireless one. The most central place to put the unit was on top of a kitchen cabinet.

One day Mama complained that it had stopped working, so Tree went to get the unit to check if the battery was dead. It wasn't there, so she asked Mama, "where is that white box that was on top of the kitchen cabinet?" Mama said "It's in the garage, I tidied it away". So Tree sent her to fetch it.

"Hold it" she said and went to the front door and rang the bell. Mama nearly dropped the unit. It was working fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Teresa
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 05:38 PM

I love gag stuff. I love to have gags pulled on me, too.

Subtle ones are my favorite. I like to have those clocks that run counter-clockwise and the numbers arranged backward. Sometimes I ask people what time it is, and I hear a weird note in their voice, and they'll say, "Something's weird about that clock, but it keeps good time. I can't put my finger on it; what's going on with it?"

Heeheeheehee!

Teresa


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Peace
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 05:53 PM

I once bonded a 'phone to the cradle in which it rested--and still does. It was done with primer and PVC cement. It was in a business office. Many years ago. Funny to watch people answer that telephone.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: frogprince
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 10:54 PM

Something simple I saw done years ago in a restaurant, and have meant to do ever since: You have to have a set of the common basic glass salt and pepper shakers with tin screw-on caps:
Take off both caps; take enough out of each shaker so the contents just reach past the edge of the lid; press wads of napkin on top of the contents; on top of those, put salt in the pepper shaker and pepper in the salt shaker; put the lids back on. The victim can plainly see what is in the shaker, but that isn't what comes out.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Teresa
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 11:53 PM

My friend told me about putting the hooks on bathroom-stall dors upside-down. there is no way you can hang a coat on it that way.

He also told me about ways to get back at a nasty landlord. Put a bit of epoxy on the end of the new lightbulb the next time you change it.

Teresa


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 02:34 AM

In one office we had several pairs of adjoining desks with 2 line telephones on each desk. If things got slow, you just waited until the occupants of both desks walked away, then swapped the handsets over. When they came back, you just rang ONE of the two numbers - it was possible for each phone to pick up both lines you see.... A step above doing the same trick with 2 ordinary phones...


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: jonm
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 03:20 AM

I believe it was Conan Doyle who sent ten friends an unsigned telegram which read "All is discovered - fly at once!"

By the end of the following day, six had left the country.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 04:34 AM

When I worked in a fishing tackle shop we used to put an empty cardboard box on the counter, this was an open invitation to the shop cat to climb in, we then closed the lid and waited for unsuspecting nosey customers to have a peek, and get a lacerated hand from annoyed pussy, great fun.

eric


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 04:43 AM

Putting cling-film over a toilet and then putting the seat down causes some embarrassing moments, so I have been told


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST,ragdall
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 06:47 AM

Many years ago, some friends and I participated in an event, wearing clown costumes. Instead of carrying a cluster of balloons, I had inflated (new) pastel coloured condoms. These became lovely big "balloons", which I offered to passers by. They were greatly admired by the ladies until someone told them what they were.

A word of caution, should you ever decide to try this, a "balloon" that size can almost blow your head off, if it explodes while being inflated.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 07:23 AM

we had a barbeque after work one day, years ago. The next morning I wrote a minute to the guy who organised it, supposedly from the boss (copying his signature). The minute said that some people had been hospitalised with food poisoning after the barbie, and asked whether the right OH&S & health procedures had been followed. Where was the meat bought? had the barbeque been washed down every 20 minutes according to health regulations? (no such reg exosted of course) we sent it through the internal mail. everyone was watching as he opened it. He read it, flushed crimson with anger, and raced up stairs to have a go at the boss, who knew nothing about it, shaking with anger with the letter in his hand!

a few drinks were required to placate him afterwards.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST,Jeanie
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 07:44 AM

I know someone who entertained himself working in a Building Society office by having bets with a work colleague as to who could fit the sentence: "I reckon the ducks will fly tonight" into conversations with customers the most times each day, without the customers questioning it. Most of the time, the customers would even agree, "Oh, yes !"

Tricks often used to be played on office juniors. A common one was to leave a note on a new secretary's desk at lunchtime: "Mr.C.Lyon of Lyon & Partners rang. Please call him back urgently at 2 p.m. on 678542." On returning the call, this would turn out to be the phone number of London Zoo. There were lots more like this, and also spoof errands that office juniors were sent on. I wonder if this still happens - or have workplaces become so serious and so fearful that these tricks could be misconstrued as harrassment, so people are less likely to risk it ?

- jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 07:53 AM

i think the harassment issue has nipped a lot of fun in the bud, and the maniacal pace of work, & tyrranical enviroment in some workplaces these days.

another one from years ago.. a couple of colleagues had added their friend's name to the mailing list of the Sydney Colonic Irrigation society. we were at work one day when the newsletter arrived in the mail and he pulled it out (the newsletter, i hasten to add). As he opened it, his mates fell apart with laughter, but he wasnt at all amused. I was aslo opening my mail, and out came a list of training courses, including one on Evacuation Procedures. I asked him if he was interested, and he didnt speak to me for some weeks!


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST,Jeanie
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 08:07 AM

Freda, that reminds me of a trick I played on my dad when I was about 7 or so. I filled in a form from the 'Radio Times' requesting a brochure for "Crown Topper Toupees and Wigs" (dad was 'folically challenged'). The brochure arrived through the post....joke apparently over - but unfortunately, a couple of days later, a salesman turned up at the house with a case full of samples for dad to try. Poor man. He'd arrived on foot, a long way from railway station or bus. My dad said he bet the salesman thought his luck was in when he opened the door to him. He had to apologize profusely that it had only been a trick - poor salesman said it often happened. There had been no mention on the form about salesmen calling - but that was the end of my trick form-filling career.

- jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 08:58 AM

Whenever a colleague had to fill in a job title on some form he used to put down things like 'Chief Procrastinator' or 'Morphic Resonator' - never the same thing twice. No one every queried anything, but it was interesting to track where the addresses for junk mail came from.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 11:50 AM

Ya know how some people, when walking past a house, will glance in the front room window? I took a picture of the house from directly out front, blew it up to a very large size, framed it and hung it on the wall opposite that window. You'd be amazed how many people do a second take, even stop and stare with a puzzled look for a few seconds.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 11:47 PM

I was at a friend's house one day....the TV was on right beside us, interfering with converstation, so he reached over to turn it off. It just happened that the remote control was right on the chair arm under my left arm.....so I slid my right hand under my left arm and turned it back on..(took about 3 seconds)....

He looked puzzled, and leaned over and pushed the 'off' button again...and about 2 seconds later I pushed the 'off' button on the remote...I think it took 4 times before he looked at me and said.."ok, give it here!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Peace
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 11:51 PM

I once switched eggs in my ex's lunch: uncooked for hard boiled. The gal she ate with thought it was funny when she cracked one on the edge of her desk.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 05:12 AM

A guy I once knew took great delight on leaning over the shop counter on miserable wet days and saying, sotto voce, to the female customers "tickle your arse with a feather". When, with shocked looks, they said pardon, he said in louder voice "particularly nasty weather". If any of them ever got it, they never let on.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 06:48 AM

On that note, I knew a surveyer from Port-aux-Basques, Newfoundland who would greet with, "Whot ya got in yer mout', me old cock?" It was the wry smile combined with the quizzical "Did ya get that" look that made it even more funny. Similarly, and in the same town, I was watching a German fellow about seventy-five years old hand-finish a Portland cement concrete sidewalk that was fourteen feet wide. He was truly an artist and it was a joy to watch him make a very difficult job look so easy. I asked him if he'd been a finisher all his life. He replied, in broken English and with a heavy accent, "Not just trowel. Brick, block, carpenter, tin... I jack off all trade." Same smile.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 08:04 AM

Mingulay, the late and lamented Alan Bond did a whole monlogue on 'tickle your bum with a feather' except his cover was 'typical Birmingham weather'. Does anybody have a copy of Alan's monologue?

Elfcall


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 11:15 AM

Thanks for that Elfcall, sounds good. Love to hear it. The one I heard
was in Estuary English.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 12:31 PM

My mate used to work as a car park attendant, and it was fairly boring by all accounts, so he used to superglue 50p coins to the pavement by his hut and laugh at anyone trying to pick them up. A homeless guy had the last laugh though - after spending 10 minutes trying to prise it from the cement, he walked off, came back with a crow bar, and chiselled it up. My mate figured if he was that keen to get the money, he deserved it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 04:21 PM

After our brief but nasty little snowstorm yesterday, today was a mix of a half dozen fluffy flurries followed by cloud and the odd bit of sun. It warmed up this afternoon but, before noon, three short flurries left less than an inch of fluffy snow in the driveway. I live one house away from an intersection that gets a fair amount of traffic because it's a shortcut between two major streets. Traffic at the corner was kinda slow by times because a lot of drivers did a double take and slowed down considerable when they saw me cleaning the driveway with a lawnmower. Large clouds of white dust! The neighbours enjoyed it as well. Garge told me I was "pushing the season" a bit too much. Gotta get me a Hawaiian t-shirt and shorts and straw hat for such occasions. That'd be pushing the season!


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 04:44 PM

LOL! That is funny, gnu! I wonder if I dare....hmmmmm.....(if the snow is cold & fluffy, I might try it--that 32° stuff is too slushy.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 05:06 PM

That's the kind of thing I started the thread for.. not necessarily practical jokes, unless they are original and creative. Just subtle stuff... teasers. As for practical jokes, I've played a few.... I lived in residence at UNB for five years and NEVER had my room "hit" and, moreover, NEVER got caught hitting anyone else. But those types of things are not what I intended in this thread. What I intended is... My buddy has a doorbell plate which is a cow's face and the button is the nose. When you press the nose, the loudest low you ever heard sounds... followed by bull snorts and hoof scuffing, then charging hooves, which stop when the door is opened. It's hilarious.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 05:29 PM

A door bell on the pole, hilarious. We've thought of hanging a maple sap bucket on ours.

My Uncle Ben was the bomb. Oh, all the brothers were rapscallions, but he was the best. On the left side of the white-painted door leading out of the summer-cabin living room, into the big screened dogtrot/porch, he put a big, black, cast iron door handle. It doesn't open a thing-- it's on the hinge side of the door, and there is an unobtrusive (white of course) real doorknob on the right side! He'd sit in his chair by the stove and wait for victims!

In his spirit, I have a huge end-table lamp between our recliners with a suitably large shade. I like to comment that the room is dark and why don't we put some lights on-- but that one has no wiring, and the lamp shade is held up with a cardboard tube from a pants-hanger that is stick down the wiring hole. It's funny not only that people try the lamp, but that they KEEP fumbling to find the switch even after they look under the shade.

Hardi's brother had his younger sibs, each in turn, terrorized. "Don't you come in my room! The floor is electrified and I'll git you!" He even had a big dummied-up power switch by his bed. Over the years, each brother would enjoy seeing the next younger one fall victim to this, and it would usually work for several years with each one, before they caught on and dared to try the floor.

But then the whole family is sick and twisted. Oh yeah-- the string they tied to the neighbor's house, and then played like a fiddle string-- each time the upsatirs lights went out, BOINNNNNGGGGG>>>>>..... the lights would all come on, the family would rush about trying to find out what that creepy sound was, and then as soon as they settle down again.....

Well anyone can see why I had to marry into this group!

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 05:32 PM

"...cast iron door handle." Ooooo. Good one!


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: jacqui.c
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 05:34 PM

Many years ago I worked in a pub frequented by a group of Scottish guys. One in particular considered himself to be a real stud.

A friend and I send him a little thin rubber finger stall with the legend 'From the London Rubber Company. Made to your measurements'. He always wondered who had sent him a condom through the poat so I don't think he ever tried using it, or maybe he did and it fitted!


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 08:26 PM

Al Franken pulled a good one recently. He was about to give a speech to a large crowd. There was a sign-language interpreter off to one side. He started by acknowledging the interpreter with some remark: "You do great work. Thanks for coming." or something like that. Then he turned back toward the audience and began his speech as follows: (I'm paraphrasing here.)

"You know, this guy Franken is such an idiot, I'm not going to bother translating what he's saying. I know it will just be a big bore. I talked to him backstage, and he really is an airhead.…"

The audience was silent at first, puzzled, no doubt, and then ripples of laughter began to spread as people figured out that he was playing a joke on the interpreter, who had to translate everything he said!


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 02 Mar 05 - 08:42 PM

PERFECTION!!! I almost spilt my milk!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 07:23 AM

Rule No. 1 : Don't piss off Mother Nature.

Apparently, she did not cotton to my scoffing at her with the lawnmower yesterday.

I recall, while half asleep at some point in the middle of the night, hearing a large truck and thinking, "Odd that the salt truck would be out."

Upon waking, I heard the drone of a snowblower and thought, "Odd that someone would wait two days to clean up after the storm."

Wrong and wrong. What was really odd is that there was enough snow last night to warrant the plow filling in the end of my driveway. And Mother Nature didn't call Environment Canada so they could issue a forecast. What a tease.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 03:49 PM

I was in Deer Lake, Newfoundland, Canada, supervising an addition to the Passenger Terminal Building many years ago. There was a Crash-Fire-Rescue (CFR) guy who used to visit the Maintenance Crew lunch room at morning break every now and then and and crack the lads up with his stories and banter. One day, when break was almost over, we heard the door at the end of the maintenance garage slam shut, then someone running across the garage, then running up the steps to the door of the lunchroom. Buddy got in the lunchroom, almost out of breath, looked at the Airport Manager and asked, "Ye got aids?!" The AM, with a look of disbelief and wonderment on his face replied, emphatically, "NOOOO!!" Says buddy, "AH, you're the asshole I been lookin for!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST,marks
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 04:37 PM

Some years ago I was working for a company with the HQ in Germany. They had cause to send a service rep to repair some machinery, but the guy they sent spoke limited English, just enough to get around.
So he walks into the customers plant and asks some machine operators how to find the boss.
These guys direct him to the office and tell him to ask as loud as he could, "Where is the bald headed chicken f***er?"
True story!


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Nancy King
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 09:42 PM

My family has owned a summer cabin in Maine for many years. In each of the bedrooms there was -- and still is -- an ample supply of wire clothes hangers. Sometime in the early 1960s, when my brother was a teenager, he carefully unwound one of the wire hangers, linked it with another, identical one, and re-wound it again, so the two couldn't be separated. He did a really good job of it, too -- you couldn't see anything amiss. Every year, when we arrived at the beginning of the summer, one of us would get caught by it. I think he probably moved it around to various bedrooms, and it got us every time. We'd reach for a hanger, get two, and try to separate them, ending up yanking at them and still having no success. A simple thing, but oddly effective...

Nancy


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 04 Mar 05 - 01:14 PM

I had just started working for a car rental company in Moncton a number of years back, and it was a day or so before a long weekend that had all of our cars booked out. It was brought to my attention that we had overbooked for the weekend, and as the junior guy I had to call up each of the people who had reserved vehicles to double check if they definitely wanted the car.... When I called for one of the ladies, Myra Maines, I definitely got a curt response from the person who answered the phone at the other end.... at one of the local funeral homes.

Brian


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: JennyO
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 07:50 AM

I've posted this before, but I think it belongs here.

A friend of mine was performing that lysdexic tairy fale, "Rindecella", to a group of elderly people, when he noticed that a woman was standing out the front facing the audience and trying to sign the words.

She had a very puzzled look on her face as she kept looking between him and the audience. They were looking very puzzled too. It turned out that a large proportion of the people in the audience were deaf.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Splott Man
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 08:40 AM

Wild goose chases are still about.

When a new lad starts at our place, they send him down to the lab for a bucket of Carbon Dioxide.

When I first went to scout camp I was sent looking for some sky hooks. Another one was spring-loaded guy tighteners with interlocking heads. You just get sent from persn to person all day cos you're the only one not in on the joke.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 09:01 AM

What do mean you can't find any square o-ring seals? Keep looking.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Crystal
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 09:28 AM

>When a new lad starts at our place, they send him down to the lab for a bucket of Carbon Dioxide<

This dosn't work in our lab, we use lots of dry ice!

A popular trick is to pour it down the sink and turn the tap on! White smoke pouring out od the overflow hole looks fantastic.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: HuwG
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 10:14 AM

There are plenty of work-related ones I remember. There was the water cooler which had a hazard sticker, with the legend "Caution. Dihydrogen monoxide. Fatal if inhaled". It was rumoured that two successive managers had ordered it to be moved somewhere safer.

I worked with a hardware engineer with an insane sense of humour. His favourite trick was to enter a room with an empty cup and pretend to trip and lob it in the direction of someone. They would invariably leap up, thinking they were about to be scalded. Working at a customer site one day, I received a garbled telephone call about a software failure at another site. I rang my office for details, and the joker picked it up. "Gary, I've just had a call about a software error at ... Hospital. What is it ?" "It's a big building full of sick people, but that's not important right now". Click.

An April Fool which my father told me about. Somebody at University rang the Police and said, "There are two students painting the front of the Town Hall". The Police came rushing, to find two art students with easels and canvas on the pavement on the other side of the road.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 12:45 PM

Just remembered one from my childhood:

My family visited my uncle, (Dad's brother) when television was fairly new, and uncle had a nice set, which my brother & I loved. Evening came, and it was decided we would all go out to dinner at a restaurant. We boys were whining..."Aw...we don't wanta go yet...this program isn't over..."

My uncle, without pause, started ushering us to the door, all the while explaining.."Oh, don't worry, you can finish the program later...there's something wrong with this TV--when you turn it off, the signal jams and gets caught somewhere in the wiring, and when you turn it back on, it continues from where it was. Why we're about 4 months behind right now!...." and so on, as we got in the car.
   I think we were a mile down the road before our questions and the adult's inability to keep their faces straight gave away the joke. Fortunately, Uncle Ralph was enough fun that we forgave him.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST,Nancy King at work
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 04:26 PM

Bill, I'm not sure why, but that reminds me of an elderly cleaning woman my mother had when I was a kid. Keep in mind this was WAY before remote control devices. She used to scold my brother: "Don't you change the channels so fast like that! You'll flip the picture right off the reel!" She wasn't kidding, either.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 04:42 PM

Someone emailed me a very funny video file depicting what old folks do for fun. It's a man and a woman, out for a country drive. She's riding shotgun while he drives.

We see her pick up an object lying between them on the beanch seat, and examine it just slightly out of our sight. Then she gives an "Oh! OK!" look, picks it up, and now we can see it's a steering wheel. Now she's happily steering from the passenger seat.

Another car pulls up alongside, on her side. We see her look at him, he looks at her, this goes on for a few moments. He's surprised to see her steering. He looks back at her once more and suddenly, BAM! She jerks her steering wheel in his direction with a horribly mean look.

Of course, he swerves in reflex. She drives off, she and her husband cackling merrily, while the other fella runs almost off the road in a spin.

Of course I didn't laugh myself.

:~) Well not too much anyway.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 05:06 PM

Now that's a first!!! I just extinguished my smoke with tears of laughter. Thanks you guys.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST,Bainbo
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 05:35 PM

It's got to be 35 years ago now, but I recall first-timers at Scout camp being told they had to do a party piece - sing the Siamese national anthem. It was easy, they were told. Just three words - "Owwa Tana Siam" repeated to the tune of God Save the Queen. They never got past it more than once before everybody fell about laughing.
You might have to try singing it out loud yourself before you get it. And apologies to any Thai people reading this - it just happened that the old name of your country worked so well!


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 06:05 PM

Some friends and I went to eat in one of those restaurants where they don't take reservations, but they take your name at the door, and then you go sit in the bar until a table is available. (The Olive Garden, I think it was.)

My friend Don spoke to the receptionist on our behalf. His wife occasionally calls him by the nickname Donner. On impulse, he gave his name as Donner.

Later, sitting in the bar, we had the pleasure of hearing the receptionist call out, "Donner party of five, your table is ready."

Well, it's not a great joke, but we enjoyed it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 06:06 PM

The steering wheel video reminded me of my mother's story of her cousin..(wow-I still remember his name, though I never met him...Vivian Vassar)(and found his name on cemetary records Neosho, Newton County Missouri- Vassar, Vivian, d.3/24/1958, Age 51 yrs)

anyway, he was a young man in 1920 something, and given to excess. Mother explained that several family members were riding with him when his 'excess' involved speed. Someone in the back seat complained..."Vivian, you're going much too fast!"....so he reached over in the glove compartment, took out a wrench, and undid the nut that held the steering wheel on..(remember..1925 or so)..Then he steered with the wrench and handed the steering wheel over the back seat, saying "Ok, then - you drive!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 06:23 PM

My ex sister-in-law tells the story of her first job which was at a local tavern known for the antics of the staff. There was an urgent call for Mike Hunt. She went all over the bar asking patrons if anyone knew or had seen Mike Hunt. When she realized why people were giggling the crowd gave her a round of applause.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 07:55 PM

first time I ever heard that trick used was Freshman English in college, where the teacher passed around a sheet to sign, and someone wrote "Harry Peters" ...she must have called that name 3 times before the giggles told her it was a joke.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 07:55 PM

Actually knew a guy named Wayne Kerr...


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 08:44 PM

Knew a sergeant in the Army, whose last name was Fadiss. Poor guy.
Believe me, it was used.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST,Regular, but embarresed Catter
Date: 07 Mar 05 - 09:54 PM

Just three words - "Owwa Tana Siam" repeated to the tune of God Save the Queen. They never got past it more than once before everybody fell about laughing.
You might have to try singing it out loud yourself before you get it


That just took me about three hours to get. To hear it when singing you have to know what you're trying to make it sound like. I had to look at it as a crossword type puzzle. GRRRRRR.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 12:09 AM

I heard it as Owah Tagoo Siam


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 04:14 AM

Once upon a time, I was a Mature Age & External Student Rep on the Uni Student Council.

The meeting was getting rather rowdy and the chair was having difficulty in keeping order. Being rather bored, I waited until there was a slight pause after one of his many shouts of "Order! Order!", and in my best projected stage voice said "Two Beers and a packet of chips!"

Silence - followed by "You're Named!" The meeting was a litle better behaved after that, but not much...

The poor minute taker secretary was trying not to laugh out loud, whilst choking, trying not to fall off her chair, and possibly not wet her pants....

The younger ones always gave me a little more respect after that....


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 12:22 PM

Foolestroupe said, in passing:

Silence - followed by "You're Named!"

?????????

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 01:04 PM

sometimes folks don't even stop to think they are using colloquialisms which ought to be translated for us furriners.....I suspect "you're named" has something to do with being 'put on a list for later retribution', but actually, I don't get it either..*grin*


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 08 Mar 05 - 07:23 PM

In the generic sort of Rules of Meeting Etiquette followed by Australians, and descended from British sources (originally from Parliament), the Chair can officially "Name" a representative. This is then recorded in the minutes. Usually after 3 namings the member is ejected from the meeting. Wasn't aware that such a commonsense way of keeping order in a meeting was unknown in the USA.

That tempts me to say more, but I'll behave myself today.... :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 11:50 AM

In the USA, the book that is commonly used is called "Robert's Rules of Order." I think the book was originally based mainly on the rules of the US House of Representatives. I don't know what the equivalent procedure is for "naming" a member. There must be one, but I have never seen it used, because I have never attended a meeting where there was a need for it!

I'm pretty sure, however, that the chair wouldn't have the power to eject a member. That would have to be put to a vote.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: GUEST,Bill D with cookies shut off
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 12:30 PM

"...such a commonsense way of keeping order..." as Jim Dixon says, there might be similar 'rules' for most meetings, but the expression is not universal.....perhaps because there is no need.

I have watched local broadcast (C-Span TV) where the British Prime Minister answers questions in Parliament, and I get the distinct impression that members are much ...ummm...more 'open' in their comments than in the US Congress. In the 'old' days, behavior in the Senate and House was often raucous and loud (and occasionally a fight or shooting!), but lately, decorum rules, and there is seldom a need for disciplining a member for being 'out of order'.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 02:14 PM

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a damn cop writing out a parking ticket.   
      
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a gal a break?"   He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
      
So I called him a pencil-dicked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse shit.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.   

Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a shit.

My car was actually parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day.

It's important at my age.

===========================================

Gotta love email! :~)   

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 02:34 PM

Bill D: You attributed that quote to the wrong person.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 04:15 PM

that was confusing, Jim, the way I posted...I wasn't attributing the quote to you, I was giving the quote, then remarking on your comment...I wasn't very clear.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 04:28 PM

Depending on the Rules of the Organisation, the Chair can have exclusive Power to eject a member for various reasons - yesterday a Member of The Qld Parliament was ejected for refusing to withdraw a comment deemed offensive.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 02:07 PM

In the Canadian Parliament, when the Speaker of the House asks a questioning member who is out of order, decorum, rules or procedure, or who appears to be orating, "Does the honourable member have a question?", s/he had better get to the point. I've often found that this question can get a laugh at times, like at the tavern when someone is in their cups and rambling on.

All this talk of formality reminds me of one time last fall when I was up at my camp alone and figured it would be a good time to drop into a camp just up the road. I knew the all the lads were in for their annual one week of not hunting. Now, Ray's camp is nice, but it IS a camp. However, as I entered, I was amazed at the linen, the china, the siver, the crystal, the candles, and the black bow ties!! It was the annual formal dinner. Yup, black bow tie only. And hunter's orange vest and hat. What a hoot!


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 05 - 04:01 PM

When people start talking about their pets, I talk about Fluffy, my one-eyed hairless albino cat. Then I "remember" that I might have a picture of her in my wallet. I haul it out and look at it and say, "Yeah, that's her in front of the house trying to claw her way through the snow in a snowstorm last winter." As I pass over the picture, I say, "Can't relly tell if she's coming or going."

It's a business card with nothing but an asterisk (*) in the middle.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 15 Apr 05 - 03:32 PM

I love this.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 03:37 PM

I have taken up a rather lucrative hobby. Making and selling "No Soliciting" signs. Door-to-door, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Peace
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 04:42 PM

Ya crazy bugger. So, one-time sales only, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 05:14 PM

I had another crazy uncle..(see way above for uncle #1)

When I was about 13, and my brother was 9+, I decided to give him a real archery set for Xmas, but we needed a backstop for the target. My uncle said he would get several bales of hay from a local farm near him.

Came Xmas eve, after we were in bed, he wrapped one of the hay bales in a big ribbon, put my brother's name on it, and snuck it into the house in front of the tree.

In the morning, we had 20-30 minutes of fun with straight faces teasing my brother (who was a hefty kid) about his new diet....we were almost sorry to see him finally open the archery set.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: DMcG
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 05:35 PM

As a student, a group of friends and I bought a girl we knew a reasonably good wristwatch for her 21st. We decided to get a child's toy watch as well, split it in half and use it as a wrapping for the real watch. We then wrapped that as well and gave it as the present.

For several minutes, the girl concerned thought we had just given her this sellotape-covered child's toy watch ...


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 05:57 PM

I forget exactly where, but there was a disk jockey once whose friends surprised him with a 33⅓ birthday party. (that's 33 1/3, for those whose font didn't support the fraction)


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:51 AM

Someone commented:

In the USA, the book that is commonly used is called "Robert's Rules of Order." I think the book was originally based mainly on the rules of the US House of Representatives.

No cigar; sorry.

The actual, historical story: Back about the time of the American revolution, a Lt. David Robert had occasion to chair a meeting, and wanted to know about order. After much searching, he found that there was no authoritative (nor even unauthoritative) codification. Speaking to many various people, he learned many practices, not all of which were compatible with each other, and learned that there seemed to be no commonly understood rules at all about certain situations. So he wrote, partly from what he'd learned and partly out of his own imagination, Robert's Rules of Order, which evidently fulfilled a widely shared need. He published it with that title, and it is around today, with almost no change from what he wrote all those years ago.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:32 AM

See Wikipedia: Robert's Rules of Order
    The first edition of the book was published in February, 1876 by U.S. Army Major Henry Martyn Robert (1837–1923); its procedures were loosely modeled after those used in the United States House of Representatives. Major Robert wrote the book after presiding over a church meeting and discovering that delegates from different areas of the country did not agree about proper procedure.
Also, it isn't true that the rules hardly ever change. One major change was introduced in one of the recent editions was the concept of the "friendly amendment." (At least that's what it's called colloquially; I'm not sure the same terminology is used in the official manual.) When an amendment is proposed, the chair asks the person who made the original motion whether it is a "friendly amendment," in other words, does he consent to the amendment? If he answers "yes" then the motion is amended, and there is no debate or vote on the amendment separately. If he answers "no" then debate continues as under the old rules.

This procedure really threw me for a loop the first time I saw it used, but I have to admit, it saves time, especially when people introduce motions that they haven't completely thought through.

And this isn't some obscure rule that is applied only once in a blue moon. It happens all the time.

Sorry for the thread drift. (Or am I out of order?)


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:41 AM

so, we have two clear, authoritative...and different...versions of the history of "Robert's Rules"...*grin*

Anyone want to tackle "who invented the light bulb"?


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:43 AM

p.s. The Wikipedia article points out one problem that I hadn't thought of: Copyright has expired on the original "Robert's Rules of Order," therefore anyone can now publish a book, incorporate as much as he likes of the original, and change it as much as he likes, and call it "Robert's Rules of Order" or something similar. (Just like anybody can publish a dictionary and call it "Webster's.") However, an "official" revision does exist.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: gnu
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 01:47 PM

What is the point of order when rising on a point of procedure? Or would one rise strictly on a point of procedure, precluding the point of order? That is, what is the order of procedure when rising on a point of procedure without reference to a point of order?

Ah, on second thought, nevermind. I'll have a BLT, whole wheat, hold the bacon, no mayo... you got any Miracle Whip?

P.S. Thread drift? Nope. No such thing. Fill yer boots.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 07:52 PM

Anyone can publish a book called "Robert's Rules of Order" and always could, because a title can't be copyrighted.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: Peace
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 07:54 PM

Order the salad first.


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Subject: RE: BS: Teasers; Odd Jokes; Wry Humour; Silly S
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 01:01 AM

A bit of office silliness:
We had an anal retentive and thoroughly obnoxious salesman in the office. Everything had to be at right angles and laid out according to HIS idea of perfect.
Every day we waited for him to leave and then set to making a daisy chain out of every box of paper clips in the office. It was hilarious. He could not just free one from the chain and go back to work. He had to undo the entire hundred and fifty.


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