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BS: Royal Wedding Jokes

Fossil 16 Feb 05 - 04:43 AM
GUEST,noddy 16 Feb 05 - 05:18 AM
GUEST,Mr Red 16 Feb 05 - 11:45 AM
GUEST 16 Feb 05 - 01:00 PM
Chris Green 16 Feb 05 - 01:11 PM
Swave N. Deboner 16 Feb 05 - 01:19 PM
Clinton Hammond 16 Feb 05 - 02:16 PM
GUEST 16 Feb 05 - 04:58 PM
mack/misophist 17 Feb 05 - 12:04 AM
JennieG 17 Feb 05 - 05:16 AM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler at the delivery entrance 17 Feb 05 - 09:47 AM
GUEST,The Vulgar Boatman 17 Feb 05 - 05:57 PM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 17 Feb 05 - 08:07 PM
GUEST,foolestroupe - "I come fru da window!" 18 Feb 05 - 06:29 AM
GUEST,davetnova 18 Feb 05 - 07:13 AM
Charley Noble 18 Feb 05 - 01:26 PM
harpgirl 18 Feb 05 - 01:44 PM
Wolfgang 20 Feb 05 - 11:10 AM
Liz the Squeak 20 Feb 05 - 01:16 PM
GUEST,The Vulgar Boatman 20 Feb 05 - 03:49 PM
GUEST,Mr Red having just returned from Slough 21 Feb 05 - 05:39 AM
Keith A of Hertford 22 Feb 05 - 03:11 AM
GUEST 22 Feb 05 - 09:34 AM
Dave the Gnome 22 Feb 05 - 11:30 AM
GUEST,The Shambles 22 Feb 05 - 12:50 PM
Dave the Gnome 23 Feb 05 - 09:32 AM
The Shambles 24 Feb 05 - 10:55 AM

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Subject: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: Fossil
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 04:43 AM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'


A suitable subject for levity, one would suppose, so here we go.....


Camilla happy to wed Charles but declines offer from the Queen of a weekend in Paris with car and driver .....


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 05:18 AM

All royal weddings are jokes.


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: GUEST,Mr Red
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 11:45 AM

He may support Camilla - but he is still Defender of Faith.........


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 01:00 PM

Buckingham Palace, following the recent negative coverage of the impending nuptials, is going on a charm offensive. The Queen will handle the charm and Prince Philip will handle the offensive.


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: Chris Green
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 01:11 PM

That was my by the way. Sorry, no cookie!


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: Swave N. Deboner
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 01:19 PM

Camilla is only interested in marrying Prince Charles because she knows rulers have twelve inches.

Cheeahs,

SND


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 02:16 PM

This is no joke...

It's nice to see Prince Chuckie take such decisive and supportive moves to support same-sex marriage...


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 04:58 PM

The Queen asked Camilla if she had any problems with Charles. She replied by telling her majesty that every time she went down on Charles she got heartburn! The Queen replied with " Have you tried Andrews"?


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: mack/misophist
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:04 AM

James regina fuit,
Nunc Elizabeth rex est!


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: JennieG
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 05:16 AM

Does this mean there is now a vacancy for the position of Royal Mistress?

Cheers
JennieG


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler at the delivery entrance
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 09:47 AM

I hear they first met at a polo match. She was his second change mount in the third chukka.

RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: GUEST,The Vulgar Boatman
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 05:57 PM

"Would you like the bridal suite?"

"No, I'll hang to your ears till I get the hang of it...."


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 08:07 PM

When Camilla goes riding, it's the horse that has to make all the decisions (allegedly). She and Wingnut should complement each other perfectly.

Fortunately, on previous form, The Queer old Dean (sorry Dr. Spooner) will outlive her first born, so long live William V.

Don T.


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: GUEST,foolestroupe - "I come fru da window!"
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 06:29 AM

The best joke so far is that they can't have the wedding in the castle - in order to do so, they need a civil licence - and one of the conditions of the licence is that the place must be available for use for weddings by anybody else for the next 3 years - so now the Wedding is to be at the Windsor Guild Hall.


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: GUEST,davetnova
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 07:13 AM

Prince Harry is going as Ken Livingstone


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: Charley Noble
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 01:26 PM

The bride was in the chamber,
Explaining to the groom,
The virgina, not the rectum,
Was the entrance to the womb...

There's got to be a million verses from this old song!

The queen (consort?) was in the parlour,
Eating toast and honey,
The king was in the chamberlain,
And he was in the money...

Cheerily,
Charley Ignoble


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: harpgirl
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 01:44 PM

On the day of the wedding, Camilla was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realised she had forgotten to get any shoes.

Panic. Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Camilla for the day.

Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Camilla's feet were agony. When she and Charles withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off.

The rest of the Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream.

Eventually they heard Charles say 'God, that was tight.' 'There,' whispered the Queen. 'I told you she was a virgin.'

Then, to their surprise, they heard Charles say. 'Right. Now for the other one.' Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said 'My God. That was even tighter.

' That's my boy,' said Phillip. 'Once a sailor, always a sailor.'


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: Wolfgang
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 11:10 AM

Harry was interviewed how he felt about the wedding. One of the questions was whether he thought it queer that Charles and Camilla will have to spend the night before the wedding in different rooms though having been a couple for so long. "No, he said, that's fine, just the same as it was with Eva and Adolf."

Wolfgang


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 01:16 PM

The best joke has come from the Queen herself....

Royal wedding rings are traditionally made from a nugget of Welsh gold. The original nugget is nearly gone. Maj commented that 'there wouldn't be enough for a third wedding'.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: GUEST,The Vulgar Boatman
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 03:49 PM

With bated breath the Prince undressed
The Major's wife to lie on,
He thought it crude to do it nude
So he kept his old school tie on....


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: GUEST,Mr Red having just returned from Slough
Date: 21 Feb 05 - 05:39 AM

Er on the current showing - if there are any morte re-thinks on the wedding venue it will be Slough register office

Yes, yes, might be registry office - West Brom is registry, Bromsgrove - register. so whats the difference?


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 22 Feb 05 - 03:11 AM

Oh dear.
The latest fact, funnier than fiction, is that it is not legal for Royal Family to have a civil ceremony.
They will either have to get a bill through Parliament, or marry in Scotland.
Could you make it up?


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Feb 05 - 09:34 AM

'A horse. a horse, my kingdom for a horse'


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Feb 05 - 11:30 AM

They will have to build a new garage. If not, where will Camilla park'er rolls?

:D


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: GUEST,The Shambles
Date: 22 Feb 05 - 12:50 PM

The excitement of all the wedding plans must have been too much for poor Camilla - as she collapsed and went into a coma.

After a week and with the wedding date fast approaching - the nurses noticed when giving her a bed-bath that she showed some response when they were washing her genitals.

It was suggested to Charles that as this had worked in some other cases and as there was nothing to lose by the attempt - that perhaps he should try some oral sex on her - to see if this would bring her out of her coma.

He was persuaded to try this and they waited outside while he went into Camilla's room.

After a while he rushed-out - without his trousers - to report that she had passed away - after appearing to choke..........


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Feb 05 - 09:32 AM

Camilla was a little surprised on seeing a chamber pot on top of the wardrobe in their bridal suite.

"What on earth is that doing up there, Charles?" She asked.

"Oh, don't worry about that" replied Charles. "I asked them to put it there. After all, I am one of the highest peers in the land..."

:D


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Subject: RE: BS: Royal Wedding Jokes
From: The Shambles
Date: 24 Feb 05 - 10:55 AM

After poor Camilla's sad demise - in the manner of the previous but one joke - at the hands (or otherwise) of Charles - a big funeral was planned.

And just like the previous big affair - it was thought only right that Sir Elton John should sing in the church and change around some of the words of one of his well-known songs - to suit the occasion.

Imagine the Queen's horror when Sir Elton looked at her and struck-up with - Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me...........


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