Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song

Subject: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: John M.
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 02:49 PM

Hello everyone,

If you are easily offended, please STOP READING.   This thread is for mature audiences only.  Please don't post "dreadful song" or "worst song written" as you are not helping. 

Below is a traditional bawdy song titled:  Boy Meets Girl  (recording)

                Do you sing this song?  If so when/where did you learn it?

 

If this google search is to be an indicator, this song is rare.   Any help with this song is appreciated.

Yours,

John Mehlberg
[e-mail]
~
My, mostly traditional, bawdy songs, toasts and recitations website: www.immortalia.com
~

BOY MEETS GIRL

Spoken: Honor you partners and jiggy, jig, jig.

Boy meets girl, he holds her hand,
Visions of a promised land,
Tender words, cling and kiss,
Crafty feel, heavenly bliss.

He nibble nipples, squeezes thighs,
Gets a beat and feels a rise,
Fly's agape, drawers rolled down,
Really starts to go to town.

Legs outspread, virgin lass,
Fanny froths like bottled Bass,
Love is great, Cupid stunt
Stupid feels, stupid runt. (?)

Now love's a jewel, pearls he's won,
Shoots his load, hell what's he done,
Comes the pay off, here's the rub --
Now she's in the pudding club.

A tubby tummy, weight she gains,
Prams and nappies, labor pain,
Realizes what he did,
Nagging misses and a screaming kid.

Well shot gun wedding, bridesmaids flap,
Love and cherish, all that crap,
Can't forsake those sexy habits,
Kept breeding kids like bleeding rabbits.

It's so important now to stay (?)
Got ten at home and one away.
Silky hole with the hair all round
Dug his grave in the stony ground

Sweats his balls off, works his stint;
All the same he's always spent
Only pleasure is evenings when
Mattress squeaks, she's off again,

He curses his marriage, starts to bicker (?)
Swears he'll choke the bloody vicar.
Work and worry take their toll
Whisk he's off, with the same old haul. (?)

A bit of love, flies agape
Got folds of hair, lots of dick (?)
Gets it in, its a lovely fit
Two experts in the shit.

As he draws his final breath.
He knows he shagged himself to death.
On his tombstone plainly lacquered
His epitaph is bloody knackered

Grab your partners by the gland
Showing her the promised land
Spin around, jump on top
In nine months time you get a crop.

Spoken: You get up on Sunday morning, go to church and pray for crop failure.  Miracles do happen.

Notes: This has been recorded once but issued a total of four times on various Australian record labels.  This song textually seems British but the singer on the recording seems American.

 

• J & B Records
  • Bawdy Ballads [J&B Records. JB001. (an Australian label)]
    • Boy Meets Girl  Time: 2:11
• Tempo Records
  • The Very Best of Bawdy Ballads: 1st Record
    • Boy Meets Girl  Time: 2:27
• Roger and Brian Scott
  • Balls To You: 1st Record
    • Boy Meets Girl  Time: 2:16
• Padmini Music under License from Tempo records [Australia]
  • Bang Bang Lulu
    • Boy Meets Girl  Time: 2:38

   

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Aug 12 - 10:28 AM

hi I found this song today as was looking it for it, and put in a line i remembered- google did the trick.

When I was at school in Fareham, in the South of England in the late 1970's this song was popular amongst my peers, but not sung- just said as a poem. I have it written down somewhere.

I dont think there is any truth in this rumour, but the gossip amongst us at school was that the brother of the boyfriend of one of the girls in our year wrote it.

I always found it crude but witty, and have remembered it over the years, hence idly searching for it today, in a web surfing spree.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: Flash Company
Date: 31 Aug 12 - 10:44 AM

Had a wide circulation, I heard it as a poem in the 1950's in the North of England.

FC

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: Joe_F
Date: 31 Aug 12 - 06:00 PM

Cf. Crock of Shit (from The Dirty Song Book).

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Jan 13 - 08:03 AM

I can't add much to this, but I recently bought a piece of furniture which had a handwritten copy of these words/lyrics in a drawer. From the age of the paper and furniture and the style of writing, I would estimate that this goes back to the 1950s, maybe earlier. I'd love to know more about the song as it may help me to age the piece!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: GUEST,red_101au
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 11:34 PM

I remember this song very well, My father had the record "bawdy ballads" and would play it frequently. I must have been about 10 or 12 at the time making it around 1972.

other songs on the album included:

friggin in the riggin (twas on the good ship Venus) keyhole in the door your drunk your drunk you silly old fool (not sure if its the title)

Agreed that it had a feel of being an English song but the style definitely sounded country American.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 03:32 AM

"1950's in the North of England"
About the same time I heard the short recitation (in Liverpool) which more or less sums the song up:
Hand in hand,
Gland in hand,
Gland in gland,
Glaaaand
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 04:10 AM

How 'traditional' is this song? Appears to be anonymous, but that not same thing [but don't let's get started on that again!]. Clearly work of one writer, steeped in the traditional convention that the astounding obligingness of all young women in 'boy meets girl' folksongs is equalled only by their astounding fertility ~~ never ever ever known to say no, or to fail to fall pregnant after only a single act of sexual congress!

Any clue as to authorship, anyone?

~M~

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 10:57 AM

Not come across this one but the style does look familiar. Talking blues? Cuntry Music? But surely 'vicar' would make it English? Vernacular certainly looks English.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Mar 16 - 04:45 PM

I first saw this 'poem' written on the bottom of a locker drawer in the infirmary of RHS Holbrook in 1964

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 03 Mar 16 - 08:25 PM

Hope Steve's cuntry music was a slip of the fingers

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 04 Mar 16 - 03:34 PM

Totally unintentional........probably.

Further thoughts, a little too sophisticated for your average bawdy folk. Bottled Bass must surely be British. Written by a Brit in American country blues style. Perhaps specifically written for the bawdy album audience or just as likely a Forces production from something like the Korean War.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: doc.tom
Date: 05 Mar 16 - 04:41 AM

Vague memories of a shorter version amongst school peers in Sussex in 1960s. Also version of Jim's 'Four stages of courtship' -
Hand in hand
Hand in gland
Gland in hand
Gland in gland.
Oh, dear - memories of youth!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: GUEST,Garry Owen
Date: 16 Feb 17 - 09:24 AM

I played drums on the Balls to You album mentioned here 😜 Lol

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: Billy Weeks
Date: 17 Feb 17 - 09:15 AM

May not be completely relevant, but Fats Waller used to sing 'Your Fetus Too Big'

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'Boy Meets Girl' a trad. bawdy song
From: GUEST,Sliprat
Date: 07 Feb 21 - 01:12 PM

Whisk he's off, with the same old haul
Should read "gets cheesed off with the same old hole"