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Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun

Big Tim 17 Mar 05 - 04:18 AM
Joe Offer 17 Mar 05 - 05:39 AM
MartinRyan 17 Mar 05 - 06:03 AM
Big Tim 17 Mar 05 - 06:59 AM
Charley Noble 17 Mar 05 - 09:34 AM
radriano 17 Mar 05 - 11:12 AM
MartinRyan 17 Mar 05 - 07:36 PM
Q (Frank Staplin) 17 Mar 05 - 07:48 PM
Malcolm Douglas 18 Mar 05 - 01:48 AM
Big Tim 18 Mar 05 - 02:31 AM
Joe Offer 18 Mar 05 - 02:33 AM
Big Tim 18 Mar 05 - 04:46 AM
Joe Offer 19 Mar 05 - 02:42 AM
Joe Offer 04 Aug 07 - 01:55 PM
Joe Offer 08 Jul 10 - 07:50 PM
Charley Noble 08 Jul 10 - 08:36 PM
Charley Noble 09 Jul 10 - 08:07 AM
Charley Noble 09 Jul 10 - 09:43 PM
Gibb Sahib 09 Jul 10 - 10:49 PM
Charley Noble 10 Jul 10 - 09:10 AM
Jack Campin 10 Jul 10 - 10:09 AM
Charley Noble 10 Jul 10 - 10:44 AM
Amos 10 Jul 10 - 01:29 PM
Charley Noble 10 Jul 10 - 07:09 PM
EBarnacle 10 Jul 10 - 10:48 PM
Amos 11 Jul 10 - 12:31 AM
Artful Codger 11 Jul 10 - 01:14 AM
Amos 11 Jul 10 - 09:53 AM
Charley Noble 11 Jul 10 - 11:27 AM
Rapparee 12 Jul 10 - 01:07 AM
Rapparee 12 Jul 10 - 01:30 AM
Rapparee 12 Jul 10 - 10:47 AM
Matthew Edwards 12 Jul 10 - 12:18 PM
Charley Noble 12 Jul 10 - 02:08 PM
shipcmo 13 Jul 10 - 03:49 PM
Matthew Edwards 13 Jul 10 - 04:50 PM
Charley Noble 13 Jul 10 - 08:21 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 10 - 10:36 PM
Charley Noble 14 Jul 10 - 08:26 AM
Artful Codger 14 Jul 10 - 12:06 PM
Amos 14 Jul 10 - 12:46 PM
Joe Offer 14 Jul 10 - 02:06 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 10 - 02:13 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 10 - 02:24 PM
Lizzie Cornish 1 14 Jul 10 - 02:54 PM
Artful Codger 14 Jul 10 - 09:38 PM
Charley Noble 14 Jul 10 - 10:13 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 10 - 11:24 PM
Jim Dixon 15 Jul 10 - 01:55 AM
Charley Noble 15 Jul 10 - 08:17 AM
Amos 15 Jul 10 - 09:43 AM
Artful Codger 15 Jul 10 - 05:19 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 10 - 11:09 PM
Charley Noble 15 Jul 10 - 11:13 PM
Rapparee 16 Jul 10 - 10:25 AM
Charley Noble 16 Jul 10 - 10:55 AM
Matthew Edwards 16 Jul 10 - 11:06 AM
Amos 16 Jul 10 - 11:58 AM
Charley Noble 16 Jul 10 - 01:39 PM
Rapparee 16 Jul 10 - 09:13 PM
Amos 16 Jul 10 - 10:52 PM
Charley Noble 17 Jul 10 - 07:59 AM
Rapparee 17 Jul 10 - 07:15 PM
Charley Noble 18 Jul 10 - 11:07 AM
Amos 18 Jul 10 - 11:59 AM
Rapparee 19 Jul 10 - 10:20 AM
Amos 19 Jul 10 - 10:31 AM
Charley Noble 19 Jul 10 - 04:57 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 10 - 10:33 AM
Rapparee 20 Jul 10 - 03:39 PM
Charley Noble 20 Jul 10 - 05:22 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 10 - 06:50 PM
GUEST,Curious? 20 Jul 10 - 09:21 PM
Artful Codger 20 Jul 10 - 10:50 PM
EBarnacle 20 Jul 10 - 11:33 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 10 - 11:45 PM
Charley Noble 21 Jul 10 - 07:49 AM
Rapparee 21 Jul 10 - 10:22 AM
Rapparee 21 Jul 10 - 10:59 AM
Charley Noble 21 Jul 10 - 01:44 PM
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Subject: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Big Tim
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 04:18 AM

Anyone know this song? It may be Irish, it was certainly being sung in Co. Antrim about 70 years ago.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Joe Offer
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 05:39 AM

Know anything of the lyrics at all, Tim? I've heard of Unfortunate Swain, but not "boatswain."
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: MartinRyan
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 06:03 AM

Big Tim

Any detail?

Regards


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Big Tim
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 06:59 AM

I have no info about the song at all. I have a feeling that it may be in Sam Henry's "Songs of the People". Can anyone access that?

The connection is that it was a favourite song of a man called James Carmichael (1903-79) of Ballymena, Antrim, who gave Sam Henry about 36 songs, the best known of which is "Kellswater". Jimmy was still singing the song (The Unfortunate Bosun) in England (where he had moved to)in the 1970s. One of his former (fiddle) pupils, whom I'm incontact with, is now seeking the words.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 09:34 AM

Big Tim-

Sounds like this one would be a good catch. I'd sure like to hear it.

A few lines or a chorus sure would help.

I've had no success with my usual searches, although I turned up some fascinating but irrelevant references.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: radriano
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 11:12 AM

Some time ago I made a list of sea songs in Sam Henry's "Songs of the People." I don't see that title on my list but I suppose it's possible I may have missed it. Will check when I get home tonight.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: MartinRyan
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 07:36 PM

This is (late on ) Paddy's Day. I'll have a look in Henry tomorrow!

Regards


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 17 Mar 05 - 07:48 PM

Henry on my desk, but no Unfortunate Bosun. It has the Boatman, The Tailor and the Tea Chest (sometimes the Boatsman and the Tea Chest), and the Boatswain (Boatman) of Dover.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Malcolm Douglas
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 01:48 AM

Not listed in Roud under this title.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Big Tim
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 02:31 AM

Q, some of those titles sound promising. I've asked "the pupil" (a recording artist) for some of the lyrics, which may help. Thanks to all.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Joe Offer
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 02:33 AM

Well, Tim, let's see what James Carmichael songs made it into Sam Henry's Songs of the People:
  1. H695: 20 Mar 1937 - Kellswater (page 442)
  2. H727: 30 Oct 1937 - Farewell to Sweet Glenravel (page 193)
    "Kindly supplied by Mr. Jim Carmichael...whose repertoire includes the choicest airs of Ulster."
  3. H730: 20 Nov 1937 - The Hills of Tandragee (page 190)
    "Another song from the collection of James Carmichael...whose enthusiasm is saving many old songs and dance airs in his district from oblivion."
  4. H788: 31 Dec 1938 - Love's Parting / Jamie and Mary (page 300)
  5. H794: 11 Feb 1939 - Under the Shade of the Bonny Green Tree (page 385)
  6. H797: 4 Mar 1939 - The Drum Major (page 327)
  7. H802: 8 Apr 1939 - Kellswaterside (page 466)
  8. H804: 22 Apr 1939 - You're Welcome as Flowers in May (page 262)
That's a healthy list, but no bosun. I thought your friend might like to know what Carmichael songs did make it into the book.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Big Tim
Date: 18 Mar 05 - 04:46 AM

Thanks Joe. Do the dates given signify when published in the "Northern Constitution" newspaper? (I'll really have to buy that book!).

I'll pass on the information to Jimmy's neice, Rose. She'll be most appreciative.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Joe Offer
Date: 19 Mar 05 - 02:42 AM

I think that's right, Tim - the newspaper publication dates.
-Joe-


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Joe Offer
Date: 04 Aug 07 - 01:55 PM

We never did find this one....


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Joe Offer
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 07:50 PM

Well, since there's a request for a bosun's whistle active, maybe that's a good excuse to refresh this thread...


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 08:36 PM

We may have to compose this song as a challenge to neaten up this thread.

Here's to the bosun whose fortune was vile;
He signed on a flash packet bound for the Nile;
He signed on a flash packet bound for the Nile;
He's a very unfortunate, a very unfortunate,
He's a very unfortunate bosun!


Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 09 Jul 10 - 08:07 AM

What a bunch of lazy lubbers and layabouts!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 09 Jul 10 - 09:43 PM

Slugs! There used to be some creative energy on this forum.

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Gibb Sahib
Date: 09 Jul 10 - 10:49 PM

He shipped out of London so neat and so trim
Unaware of the fate that was waiting for him


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 09:10 AM

Now the winds in the Bay they blow high, they blow low
But his ship made the straits without dire woe

Next we needs to cross the Med.

And keep a sharp eye peeled for Cleopatra's barge.

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Jack Campin
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 10:09 AM

Now can we have another song about an unfortunate fermiun?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 10:44 AM

Maybe these verses will work better, while advancing the plot:

THE VERY UNFORTUNATE BOSUN

Here's to the bosun whose fortune was vile;
He signed on a flash packet bound for the Nile;
He signed on a flash packet bound for the Nile;
He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate,
He's a very unfortunate bosun!


He shipped out of London so neat and so trim
Unaware of the fate that was waiting for him;
Unaware of the fate that was waiting for him;
He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate,
He's a very unfortunate bosun!


Now the winds in the Bay how fierce they did blow
But his ship made the straits without dire woe;
His ship made the straits without dire woe
He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate,
He's a very unfortunate bosun!


From the west to the east, cross the Med they did go
And the Barbary pirates blew high and blew low;
The Barbary pirates blew high and blew low;
He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate,
He's a very unfortunate bosun!


He dropped hook in Alex, went ashore for a spree,
When a trio of Cleos barged up on his lee;
A trio of Cleos barged up on his lee;
He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate,
He's a very unfortunate bosun!


They grappled his arms and took him in tow
To Share el Berka like a shot they did go;
To Share el Berka like a shot they did go;
He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate,
He's a very unfortunate bosun!


But I'm not sure what happened after our hero was towed away to "The Street of Whores."
Maybe I need to do some more research!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 01:29 PM

Working from a different templat, called "The Very Unfortunate Man" about a country lawyer, here are a few scraps.

There once was a Boatswain named William McPhee
Who was hardened and tanned from his long years at sea,
He'd mastered all splices, knots, hitches and all charts
But he ran hard aground in the harbor of hearts.

Home from the wild sea and back from the ocean
He's a very unfortunate man is the boatswain
A very unfortunate sailor is he
Who seeks to tie splices too far from the sea.


Now William McPhee was a good hand and hale
He would stand a helm watch through the thick of the gale
But when he took shore leave, his anchor was fouled
By the hook of a barmaid named Winifred Cowles.

Cho.

This damsel was winsome with beauty to burn
She was bluff in the bow, she was round in the stern
She spied the far topmast of William McPhee
And she ran out her jib and hove to in his lee.

Cho.

They convoyed together, three nights and a day
Until William was certain he'd misplaced his way,
With hot rum and cold cuts his hunger she slaked,
And heaved him in hard on her port rubbing strake.

Home from the wild sea and back from the ocean
He's a very unfortunate man is the boatswain
A very unfortunate sailor is he
Who seeks to tie splices too far from the sea.
..

(More later...you can predict where this story goes...).


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 07:09 PM

Some nice work here, Bold Amos!

The traditional tune I've been channeling is inspired by "Young Edmund in the Lowlands Low."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: EBarnacle
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 10:48 PM

Please use another name. William McPhee is a living author. Other than that, keep going.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 12:31 AM

Oh, pshaw,! Edward McGee and Timmy Dupree are both living people, too!! Take yer cherce.


A


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Artful Codger
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 01:14 AM

Maybe they were referring to Ben Backstay: "Ben Backstay was a bos'n" ... until a shark bit off his head.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 09:53 AM

Well, we could call him "Hardy Alee", I guess...


:>)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 11:27 AM

Amos-

Would "Winifred Cowles" be an old flame of yours? I haven't been able to nail her down except for one shy person on Facebook.

That's a particularly nice line:

"And heaved him in hard on her port rubbing strake."

What did she do with his "reef-tackle fall"?

I wonder if Eric was confusing the marine engineer author/poet William McFee (1881-1966) with your hero. I don't think he'd object, even if he were still alive.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 01:07 AM

In Scarlet Town where I was born
There was a bosun dwelling
And every day cried "Well-away!"
For the sea, see, he was pining.

All in the merry month of March
As the sea-gulls they were diving
The bosun shipped on a bark so fair
'Twas called the "Alice Rivings."

The "Alice" put to sea apace
And the weather it was stinkin'
"All hands aloft!" the captain cried,
"I fear we are a-sinkin'!"

She had not sailed but a mile or twa
When she sank beyond Man's knowin'
And the bosun drowned in the briny deep
'Twill teach him to pine for sailin'.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 01:30 AM

"Stay on shore!" his mother cried,
"Oh, stay ashore with me!
For I greatly fear this voyage now
Will sink you in the sea!"

"Fear not!" the gallant bosun cried.
"Fear not, and do not panic,
For I'm sailing on the Cunard Line,
On a new ship called 'Titanic.'"



It's a kinda short song, ain't it?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 10:47 AM

The Unfortunate Bosun

An unpopular feller with all of the crew
They short-sheeted his hammock
They plugged up his loo,
He was clapped, he was poxed
And he fell through the head
Where a great big shark ate him,
His feet and his head.
But within a few minutes the shark gave growl
And puked up the Bosun,
And fout feet of bowel.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 12:18 PM

I used to sing a most brutal song about a very unfortunate Scouse bosun:-

Pegleg Sam

Pegleg Sam was a randy sailor,
He made love to the bosun's wife;
While the bosun was a-sailing,
And in danger of his life.

When the bosun came ashore again
His wife was standing on the pier;
"Here's our first-born son, my darling,
Smiling now his daddy's here."

"Ten long months I've been sailing,
Through stormy seas, and round the Horn:
Now I'm back again in Liverpool,
I shan't be made to wear a horn.

O you are a shameless hussy,
And to me you've done no good;
Take away your snivelling bastard,
And his pegleg made of wood."

Then the bosun spoke to Sammy:
"You've been fooling with my wife;
I don't intend to be a cuckold,
And I mean to take your life."

Sammy seized his wooden pegleg,
Smote the bosun's skull in two -
Then he kissed the bosun's widow,
"Now, my dear, here's what we'll do.

We'll go the the church and marry;
Every night we'll bill and coo -
We shall have a dozen children,
All with wooden peglegs too!"

PS Rapaire - please check your shipping lines!!!

"For I'm sailing on the Cunard White Star Line,
On a new ship called 'Titanic.'"


Matthew


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 12 Jul 10 - 02:08 PM

Wow! Leave this thread to marinate and wonderful things happen!

I especially like the verse of the baby bastard with the pegleg made of wood, or as some would put it "He's a chip off the old block!"

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: shipcmo
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 03:49 PM

more, more


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 04:50 PM

The late John McLaughlin, aka Big Tim on Mudcat, did a lot of research into the songs and tunes of Jimmy Carmichael of Ballymena and Widnes 1903-1979, but 'The Unfortunate Bosun' seems to have escaped everybody.

There are some other threads about Jimmy Carmichael here, and it may be worth linking them in case somebody else can add something worthwhile. Gina Le Faux might know some more, but I gather that when she knew Jimmy in Widnes that he played more fiddle tunes than songs.

Old folk pub in Widnes?

James & Bridie Carmichael, Widnes

Matthew


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 08:21 PM

Matthew-

I've certainly no objections if a traditional version of "The Unfortunate Bosun" surfaces. Meanwhile we'll try to keep this thread creatively warm.

Once at Share el Berka, he called for a drink,
Then the trio of Cleos transformed into a Spinx,
The trio of Cleos transformed into a Spinx,
He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate,
He's a very unfortunate bosun!


Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 10:36 PM

A little bosun went to town
A-riding on a hussy
Found himself both clapped and poxed
But his hygiene wasn't fussy.

Little bosun, keep it up
Bosun, you're a dandy,
Mind the drip and mind the burns
And with mercury be handy!


He tried to do the cabin boy
The first mate and the rudder
The hawser holes, the captain's pup
And some fellow name of Scudder.

CH.

He made the crew so goddamned mad
They threw him in the ship's boat
Towing it along behind,
He tried to do the tow rope.

CH.

Off of Biscay Bay a storm did strike
It knocked the boat to splinters
The bosun was so afraid he'd drown
He ran atop the waves like sprinters.

CH.

But he ran into a giant squid
Whose tentacles wrapped around him
Squeezing, tying him in knots,
It ripped and rent and tore him.

CH.

We'll not forget the bosun mite
A most unlucky fellow
Last seen he was trying to screw the squid
With a mighty, whooping, bellow.

Repeat CH. ad nauseam.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 08:26 AM

Rapaire-

Thanks to you another keyboard has been destroyed by my morning coffee.

But it's all my fault. I should have checked this thread out late last evening.

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Artful Codger
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 12:06 PM

After floozing with dockside medusas,
And much trading of bodily juices,
The bosun got twitches
And pains in his britches
With leakage from several sluices.

The doc, Al Hadin bin Kabusus,
Came a-run with his pots and caduseus,
But the arsps they untwined,
Bit the bosun behind:
And the poor man he died, what the deuces!

He's a rather unfortunate, quite unfortunate,
He's an awfully unfortunate bosun.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 12:46 PM

Jolly good, you scurvy lot!! LOL!!!



A


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Joe Offer
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 02:06 PM

Guess I'd better get my eyeglasses checked. I keep reading the title of this thread as The Unfortunate Bosom.

-Joe-


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 02:13 PM

Traveling down that seabound road
Listening to my shipmates whine,
"Goodbye to Alice, to Mary, to Jane,
We're leavin' you behind."
Well, I've been a bosun half of my life,
Leaving tracks fresh on the beds
Got a back like a rubber band stretched in the wind
Left by the girls I didn't wed,
Left by the girls I didn't wed.

Somebody said, "That's a strange tattoo
You have on both of your arms."
I said, "That the names of the girls I have known,
And all of them did me harms,
And all of them did me harms."

I stood for 'most anything, crossin' the line,
Workin' on the deep blue sea,
I stood for keelhaulin', flogging and worse
But there's no one who can stand me,
There's no one who can stand me.
I got no dick and I got no balls,
Just got a worried soul,
And a bunch of names down both of my arms,
Listing those who did it to me,
Listing those who did it to me.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 02:24 PM

As I walked down in the streets of New Bedford
As I walked down in New Bedford one day,
I saw a young bosun wrapped up in white linen
Wrapped up in white linen and cold as the clay.

"I see by your outfit that you are a bosun,
So please listen close and take warning from me,
Don't dally with women where ever you find them,
Play with the cabin boy, he's better...URGGK!"

I didn't know what he meant by that last word,
I only knew that he no longer drew breath
He'd been dead when he started and dead when he finished
An unfortunate, dead bosun'd been talking to me.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 02:54 PM

Oh Cripes, this is very unfortunate! My eyes, for some weird reason that I know nothing about, keep reading this title as The Unfortunate Bosom..Maybe it's because mine is/are getting in the way of the keyboard as I type!


Joe Offer: "Lizzie! Go sit on the Naughty Step, immediately!"
Moi: "Awwww, c'mon, Joe, I was just joshin'!" ;0)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Artful Codger
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 09:38 PM

By popular request...


The Unfortunate Bosom

He was a most unfortunate bosun:
Though once past puberty it appeared
His growth had been stunted and frozen,
Some aspects grew faster than his beard.
In partiklar his torso suffered gargantuanusm
Giving him an inordinate,
Distortionate,
Misproportionate,
Most unfortunate bosom.

His bubbies flopped down past his w____ry
And often caught in the machinery,
Till one day in an accident gruesome,
He was hoist by his own flaccid twosome,
And was smothered by the same superfluusm
By his strangely inordinate,
Distortionate,
Misproportionate,
Most unfortunate bosom.

AC retreats to the Naughty Step


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 10:13 PM

Fortunately, I checked this thread late this evening and don't have to worry about my morning coffee:

Listening to my shipmates whine,

Slurp! I'll drink to that!

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 11:24 PM

Bosun, dear Bosun, come back with me, now!
The clock on the steeple strikes one;
You said you were coming straight back to the ship,
As soon as your screwing was done.
Our first mate has gone out, the fo'castle's all dark,
And the captain's been waiting since tea,
With poor cabin boy Benny so sick in his arms,
And no one to help him but me.
Come home, come home, come home!
Please bosun, dear bosun come home.

Bosun, dear Bosun, come back with me, now!
The clock on the steeple strikes two;
The night has grown colder and Benny is worse,
But he has been calling for you.
Indeed his is worse, Cap'n says he will die
Perhaps before morning shall dawn;
And this is the message he sent me to bring,
"Come quickly! Or he will be gone."
Come back, come back, come back!
Please bosun, dear bosun come home.

Bosun, dear Bosun, come back with me, now!
The clock on the steeple strikes three,
The ship is so lonely, the hours so long
For the poor weeping Captain and me.
Poor Benny is dead, you'll do him no more
And gone to he angels of light,
And these were the very last words that he said
"I want to kiss my Bosun goodnight."
Come home, come home, come home!
Please Bosun, dear Bosun come home.


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Subject: Lyr Add: JACK WILLIAMS (from Bodleian)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 15 Jul 10 - 01:55 AM

JACK WILLIAMS

W. S. FORTEY, Steam Printer,
2 & 3, Monmouth-ct., Seven Dials.


I am a boatswain by my trade.
Jack Williams is my name,
And by a false deluding girl
I was brought to grief and shame.
At St. Catherine's Stairs I did resort
Where most people did me know,
And on that girl I fixed my mind
And she proved my overthrow.

I went a-robbing night and day
To maintain her fine and gay,
Whate'er I got I valued not,
But took to her straightway.
Till at length to Newgate I was sent,
Bound down by irons strong,
With heavy chains about my legs;
She longed to see them on.

I sent a letter to my love
Some comfort for to find.
Instead of proving kind to me,
She proved very unkind.
She in a scornful manner said,
"I'll shun thieves' company;
So as you made your bed, young man,
Down on it you must lie."

I thought those sayings very hard,
When I spent all my store,
To find she had no more regard for me
Now I am low and poor.
All in this lonesome cell I lie,
No better I deserve,
Which makes my very blood run cold
When thinking how I am served.

I am a boatswain by my trade
And a waterman also.
I maintained her like a lady gay
In fine silks from top to toe.
But if e'er I gain my liberty,
A solemn vow I'd make:
I'd shun all evil company
For that base harlot's sake.

Now the assizes are o'er and sentence is passed
That hanged I must be.
It grieves my parents to the heart
To think on my misery.
But fortune proved kind to me;
That you may plainly see.
I broke the jail and scaled the wall
And gained my liberty.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 15 Jul 10 - 08:17 AM

Jim-

No fair posting authentic songs in this hijacked thread! ;~)

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 10 - 09:43 AM

But a fine ballad, indeed, nonetheless!

A


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Artful Codger
Date: 15 Jul 10 - 05:19 PM

DT study thread on "Jack Williams": http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=72295

But whether he was a boatswain, a baker or a candlestick-maker seems immaterial to the song.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 10 - 11:09 PM

I am a little bosun man
A bosun I have been
Aye, for three score or more
On these waves of ocean green.
I'm known from the Liffey
Down to Diego Ramirez
And I'm know by several names
Including Giusep' Diaz.

I went for a sail
Way down to Malabar
And I fell overboard
But was rescued by a tar.
Jellyfish had stung me
Before they hauled me back on deck
And I was swelled like a poisoned pup
When they laid me on the deck.

"Only one cure for this,"
The Captain he did cry,
"We'll have to keelhaul him
To get the poison dry!"
So they tied a rope around me
And drug me underneath the ship
And I didn't give a damn
For this second salty dip.

I gradually got over it
The swellings all went down.
But when we weighed in Malacca
The capstan went around;
My leg was caught inside it
And they had to cut it off,
They gave me a new wooden one
Fit for the poshest toff,
And then I limped around the deck
Until I got the cough.

The cough became pneumonia
And that they couldn't cure
So the purged me and they bled me
Until my guts did roar.
Pneumonia led into consumption
And I was puking o'er the rail
When a storm collided with the ship
And I was haulin' sail.

My right arm was caught inside a coil
And the rope it tore it clean
It couldn't have been better
If it were done by a machine.
When the squall had subsided
I was fitted with a hook
And told that at the next port
I'd be written off the book.

But we were attacked by pirates
And sunken in the sea
The only ones who survived it
Was the old ship's cat and me.
I was laying in the longboat,
Sleepin' when I could
When the cat he bit a finger off
So I killed him where he stood.

For forty days and forty nights
I had only cat to eat
No water with to wash it down,
But I ate him, fur and feet
Now I'm riding down the waves
And then I'm riding up
And once again I'm puking
Just like that poisoned pup.

If I could only see a ship
Or land, or a balloon
Anything besides this
Awful nasty noon
For the sun has burned me black
And the salt spray's made me white
And I'm not at all certain sure
That things will turn out right.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 15 Jul 10 - 11:13 PM

Rapaire-

Is this from your own experience?

Certainly one of the saddest tales I've ever heard.

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 10 - 10:25 AM

Yes, it is. I was torpedoed by a German submarine which hadn't gotten the word about WW1 and I was swallowed by a whale. Immediately after the whale was a attacked by a giant squid, and in a Heimlich Maneuver sort of thing I shot out of the whales stomach only to be eaten by a Great White. I died.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jul 10 - 10:55 AM

Rapaire-

Reality is even sadder than your verses.

I look forward to seeing what's left of you when you materialize at Getaway. Maybe we should co-chair a workshop on songs about "missing limbs"?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 16 Jul 10 - 11:06 AM

Rapaire - ...I died.

Dammit man, you can't end the story there; it was just starting to get interesting!

Some really good inventions here.

Perhaps some particle physicist could write a verse on The Unfortunate Boson which may or may not even exist.

Matthew


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 10 - 11:58 AM

Jolly good tale, oh Manne of Booques!! Now do you set it to a wee tune, sirrah, and prepare to deliver on Saturday eve at yon Getaway, and stand to your post and sing it out to all and sundry!


A


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jul 10 - 01:39 PM

This thread is beginning to remind me of Dr. Dogbody's Leg in which the semi-retired Royal Navy surgeon explains in 10 different tales how his larboard leg became displaced. Here's a link to a song I composed inspired by these stories: Click here for lyrics and MP3 Sample!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 10 - 09:13 PM

The last on is, more or less, to the Olde Irishe Tune called "The Jolly Beggar": "I am a little beggarman/A-beggin' I have been/Aye, for three-score or more/In this little isle of green...". So, Amos, you can sing it yourself.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 10 - 10:52 PM

Ah, no, it would not be meet, sirrah. Let he he wrote the piece sing it out.


A


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 17 Jul 10 - 07:59 AM

Rapaire-

An excellent tune for your ditty. I'm sure we can round up some back-up musicians but don't forget to bring a pen for autographs. Oh, I forgot, you no longer have any hands. Can you do autographs by holding a pen in your teeth? You do still have teeth?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 10 - 07:15 PM

I'm signing checks with lip prints and other things with...ah...cheek prints....

But it's not the singing, Amos. It's remembering the whatchamacallits...words. Yeah, that's the word I'm looking for.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 18 Jul 10 - 11:07 AM

Rapaire-

How are you at lip-synching to recordings, given that you evidently still have lips? Some of our most famous performers have availed themselves of that technique, i.e., Woody Guthrie, Huddie Ledbetter, and Judy Collins.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 10 - 11:59 AM

They do say that whatchamacallit is the first to go...


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 10 - 10:20 AM

She was young and she was pretty
Victim of a bosun's whim
So she clutched him in her bosom
And that was the end of him.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 10 - 10:31 AM

What an interesting way to go!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jul 10 - 04:57 PM

The moral of this story,
Be you bosun or chacun,
Don't toy with bosom buddies,
Or you too may be undone!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 10:33 AM

He saw the Captain drowning,
Washed o'erboard in the dark,
The Bosun dove to save him
And was eaten by a shark.

They rescued their brave Captain,
And tears rolled down his cheeks,
"That brave young Bosun, dead and et!
And he's owed me a hundred for weeks!"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 03:39 PM

Sorry, I forgot the chorus to the last song. So here it is:

CHORUS: Fa la la, fa la la, sing like a lark,
The Bosun dove o'erboard and was et by a shark.

The tempo is pellegra con vivo.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 05:22 PM

So tragic!

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 06:50 PM

YOU started it!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: GUEST,Curious?
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 09:21 PM

I keep misreading this as "The Unfortunate Bonus" and thinking it must be about a banking scandal!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Artful Codger
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 10:50 PM

I was trying to tell friends of mine about this thread, but cell service being what it is, they kept mishearing what I was saying. These are some of the unfortunate titles I heard them repeat back to me:

The Unfortunate Buzzard?
The Unfortunate Besom?
The Importunate Business? (telemarketers, no doubt)
The Unforgèd Basin?
The Inveterate Bozos?
The Incontinent Boozin'?
The Inflammable Bunsen?
The Unaffordable Bustier?

The last example I heard, as one friend crashed into an SUV that was irresponsibly crossing on green, was The Unforseen Boom!

I went to visit her in the hospital. I'd written a new song for her, which I called "The Unfortunate Bust-up":
"As I was a-driving and texting one day..."

She hurled at me an unfortunate bedpan. Some people have no appreciation for irony--or aluminumy.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: EBarnacle
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 11:33 PM

OK, it was JOHN McPhee who wrote Looking for a Ship. Sorry 'bout tha!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 11:45 PM

I've been a young Bosun for many a year
And I've spent all me money on whiskey and beer
But now I'm returning with a giant pox sore
And I never will play the young Bosun no more.

CH: And it's no, nay, never,
No, nay, never more
Will I play the young Bosun
No never, no more.

I went to a whorehouse that I used to frequent
And I told the housekeeper my money was spent;
I asked her for credit, she answered me, "Nay,
Such diseases as yours we can get any day."

CH.

Then out of my placket I took out my tool
And the Madam she laughed and said, "What a fool!
To think that your pecker could get you a lay,
It's chancred from tip to your hairline quite gray!"

CH.

I'd go home to my parents, confess what I've done
But they long have disowned me, their young Bosun son.
They'd be fools to caress me as oft times before,
Because back and front I am one running sore.

CH.

I've lost me right leg and my left fingers too
From playing around in the Seattle zoo.
I left pieces of me in far off Siam
Lost to the cleaver of the pimp of Diane.

CH.

I'll stump back to me ship, she's called "Neptune's Blight"
And there I'll sleep easy by day and by night
And when angels come someday to carry me home
They'll see their mistake and fire me downstairs so fast your eyes will spin.

CH


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 21 Jul 10 - 07:49 AM

Rapaire-

Well, now you've left "The Fireship" in your wake!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 10 - 10:22 AM

You started it, Charley.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 10 - 10:59 AM

He swoll up like a poisoned pup
Our unfortunate bosun mite
His fingers were holes
In a great ball of a fist,
And he couldn't sleep easy at night.

We thought that the cook had done him up
With his cabbage, salt horse and beans
But we all ate the slop
And we weren't swoll up
So we stopped the keelhauling as mean.

We laid the unfortunate bosun on deck
And rigged him a shade for the sun
But the bloat continued
'Til his head disappeared
(His legs had gone long ago).

They dosed him with salts, with powders and pill,
With quinine, and ipcar, and jalap
But nothing would work
And he'd grown so rotund
That he rolled 'round the deck at a gallop

Then the surgeon's mate stabbed a hole in him
To let out some of the gas
It didn't work
But it kept pouring out
From his mouth, from the hole, and his...other hole.

So the ship's carpenter then took a hand
And arranged for various pipes
In a calm he became
An engine for sail
And otherwise served as a calliop'.

The unfortunate bosun is long since gone --
We sold him to some city gasworks --
But we bottled his stuff
And keep it aboard
For you never know where danger lurks.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Unfortunate Bosun
From: Charley Noble
Date: 21 Jul 10 - 01:44 PM

"you never know where danger lurks"

Reminds me of another joint song thread, "The Blow at Witch's Hole" in which a mighty blast of methane from the ocean's bowels sinks a ship. Here's a sample verse to the tune of "The White Cockade":

A silent threat but deadly, that methane from the Hole,
Rising from the briny depths, amidst the dark and cold,
Amidst the dark and cold, me lads, like some monster from the deep;
And it dragged us (yes, it dragged us),
And it dragged us (yes, it dragged us),
To the Witch's Hole, forever there to sleep.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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